Silly American

By Leslie W. Hoffman

We don't know if you know this, but the United States is weird. Don't believe us? Here are 76 essays on all the weird, quirky, strange things we just kind of accept in our country, from Homecoming mums to Sadie Hawkins, gun culture, and more.

 

Topics include: 

• Our complex tax system
• Why we don't call ourselves United Statesians since we aren't the only Americans in the Americas
• Our obsession with processed cow's milk
• The school-to-prison pipeline
• Circumcision
• Much, much more

Silly American is an easy-to-read, enjoyable look at the fun, quirky, sometimes light and sometimes dark aspects of U.S. culture that make this country what it is. Best of all, it's an accessible and often funny gift that can help nudge a right-wing friend or family member ever-so-slightly to the left. Just a little bit.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Moxie Press
• Release date: Mar 13, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224903498

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Cover design by Jessie Dodson & Andrew Dodson

Edited by Andrew Dodson

Introduction

Y

ou know the feeling, don’t you? The feeling you get when those weird things we do as United States Americans feel strange but you can’t quite put a finger on why, so you just do it anyway.

But you have to wonder: Why do American children say a pledge every morning as if they’ve promised the flag their soul? Why does the U.S. deep fry everything? What exactly is a Homecoming mum?

Whether it’s why Sadie Hawkins was created, why we tip instead of just give waiters and other food service professionals a living wage, or why we’re obsessed with our credit scores, this book is here for you. You’re about to read 76 different unique things we just kind of do as United States-ians without giving them a second, third, or fourth thought.

In the book you’re about to read, there are essays about the imperial measurement and weight system, as well as essays on deep-fried foods and school hours, but there are also the topics of police militarization, school shootings, and similar ideas and practices that define what it means to live in the United States of America.

While a lot of these topics aren’t all exactly unique to the U.S. After all, China has yellow school buses, guns are prevalent and legal in other countries, and school hours aren’t that much different in Eastern countries. However, it’s not just about things that only exist here, it’s about how the U.S. handles a lot of these ideas compared to those other countries.

Next time someone asks about something weird, controversial, or unique we do in this country, just hand them this book and tell them to read on.

Children & The Pledge of Allegiance

T

he Pledge of Allegiance — America's daily dose of patriotic calisthenics. Before you've even had a chance to digest your Froot Loops, you're already standing hand over heart, declaring fidelity to a piece of colorful fabric. And let's be honest, how many other countries start their day with such a zesty concoction of nationalism and nostalgia?

The average kindergartner, still navigating the complexities of shoelaces and snack time, is introduced to this solemn vow of fidelity. Without context or comprehension, young minds dutifully repeat the words each morning, turning a pledge steeped in history and significance into something more akin to a daily routine, like brushing one’s teeth or packing a lunchbox. While instilling a sense of patriotism from a tender age might have its merits, one must wonder: what's the value of a pledge if its deeper meaning is lost in rote repetition?

Now, the Pledge didn't just waltz into classrooms uninvited. It made its debut in 1892, penned by Francis Bellamy, a Christian socialist, which is somewhat ironic considering how it's been brandished in modern political warfare. Originally, Bellamy intended it as a one-off thing for a Columbus Day celebration. But like all things uniquely American (deep-fried foods, reality TV stars turned politicians), the Pledge stuck around and dug its heels in.

Over the years, the Pledge has undergone a few makeovers. For example, it wasn't until 1954, in the frosty climes of the Cold War, that the words under God were wedged in. Because nothing says Our system's better than yours! to those godless Communists like a divine shout-out.

Now, why the daily recitation? Well, the original intent was to inspire patriotism and unify a nation of diverse immigrants under a single banner of American identity. And sure, there's merit in a shared ritual that fosters a sense of belonging. But as many a skeptical student has wondered while sleepily mumbling along: does repetitively declaring allegiance to a flag genuinely stir patriotic fervor, or is it just one of those things we do because we've always done it?

Critics argue it's a wee bit Orwellian, this compulsory chant of loyalty. Supporters counter that it's a harmless tradition, a moment of collective reflection. Whichever side of the fence you're on (and let's hope it's not a border fence), the Pledge remains a uniquely American quirk.

Big Pharma Ads

Y

ou're lounging on your couch, engrossed in the latest reality TV drama, when suddenly the screen switches to a serene beach scene. A voiceover begins narrating as a smiling couple walks hand in hand. A vacation ad? Nope, it's for a prescription medication, complete with a rapid-fire list of potential side effects that seem, well, a tad more daunting than that scenic stroll on the beach. Only in America, right?

The United States—the land where you can have your cake, eat it, and then pop a pill advertised on TV to deal with the ensuing heartburn. The U.S. and New Zealand hold the unique distinction of being the only two countries that allow direct-to-consumer (DTC) advertising for prescription drugs. Makes you feel a bit special, doesn't it?

The rise of DTC advertising can be traced back to the 1980s. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) decided to relax its rules on pharma advertising, presumably after deciding that consumers surely were sophisticated enough to digest complex medical information sandwiched between ads for detergent and dog food.

Big Pharma's argument? DTC ads educate the public about medical conditions and available treatments. They empower patients, letting them know that there's a pill for every ill. Empowerment? Sure, if you count self-diagnosing and then asking your doctor for a drug you saw on TV as empowerment.

Then there's the money factor. U.S. pharmaceutical companies spend billions annually on DTC advertising. Why? Because it works. DTC ads drive demand. They're the modern version of an apple a day—except this apple might cause dizziness, nausea, or the occasional bout of sleepwalking (and sometimes even death).

Now, to be fair, there's a thin silver lining. Some say these ads encourage folks to seek medical advice. After all, if seeing a commercial about a health condition resonates with someone, it might prompt them to visit a doctor. But let's not kid ourselves: these ads aren’t produced out of the goodness of Big Pharma's heart.

So, the next time you see a sunlit ad with joyful folks living their best life—only to be followed by a long list of potential side effects—remember to raise a glass (of water, to stay healthy and hydrated, of course) to American exceptionalism in the world of prescription drug marketing.

Cannabis Criminalization

P

ass that doob, buddy, and let's light up a conversation on one of America's most polarized plants: cannabis. With states lighting up in green (legally speaking) and the aroma of tax dollars wafting in, it seems like Mary Jane is finally getting her day in the sun. But the road to this newfound acceptance has been bumpy, and the stakes: high.

Let's rewind to the 20th century. The 1937 Marihuana Tax Act essentially banned cannabis. Fueled by fear, racism, and a sprinkling of propaganda (remember Reefer Madness?), cannabis became America's favorite villain. Then came the '70s War on Drugs. Under its banner, countless individuals were incarcerated for mere possession, disproportionately affecting communities of color.

However, the 21st century ushered in a changing tide. States began to recognize the therapeutic potentials of cannabis, from managing chronic pain to battling opioid addiction. Starting with California's medical marijuana in 1996, there's been a gradual shift towards decriminalization and legalization.

And the green rush hasn't just been about health. States like Colorado and Washington, pioneering recreational marijuana legalization, have raked in billions in tax revenue, creating jobs and boosting their economies. Moreover, legalization has started addressing past wrongs. Many states are expunging cannabis convictions, offering a fresh start to those ensnared in the outdated War on Drugs. Yet, cannabis remains a Schedule 1 drug at the federal level, making its position complicated. And while states enjoy their newfound autonomy, they also grapple with regulatory challenges and concerns about increased youth usage.

Here's the kicker: as more states join the pot party, the narrative shifts from Why legalize? to Why not? Given the economic benefits, therapeutic potentials, and the opportunity to correct historical injustices, the burning question is whether the federal government will eventually roll with it.

School Hours

T

he American school day—starting at the ungodly hour when even roosters hit the snooze button and ending just in time for students to question the meaning of life in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Ever wondered why America's public education insists on such bizarre hours? Strap in for a quick jaunt through history and the curious customs of the U.S. schoolhouse.

Once upon a time in rural America, the timing of the school day was rather