Lost In My Whirlwind

By Matthew Elisha Williams

When I compiled the poems to release my first book "Stories I Told Myself," I wasn't sure if the ones I was excluding were a good idea. I was even more worried that they wouldn't see the light of day. When I returned the next year with "M.E. & H.E.R. A Love Story," some of those poems found their way into the story I was telling through poet

• Language: English
• Publisher: 314 Publishing
• Release date: Dec 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798869051318

Matthew Elisha Williams

Born in Kansas City, Missouri and raised in nearby Grandview, Matthew has been writing since the mid-90's. His love of poetry specifically and writing in general he credits to his Mother Wanda. Combining poets like Langston Hughes with books like the Encyclopedia Brown series in the stories she read him or he read as a child. His writing plays with the notions of morality and ethics, while providing space for deeper reading into the motivations and flaws of his characters. Utilizing the poetic flourishes of his other works, with the wit and slickness of comfortable everyday speech, his writing style strives to feel familiar without being too simplistic.Prior to his most recent work of creating the Darkland Saga, a series of novel length stories, Matthew created the two books of poetry which comprise part of the collection found in "Lost In My Whirlwind," called "Stories I Told Myself" and "M.E. & H.E.R. A Love Story." These works served as a celebration of past poetic writing, and storytelling through poetry. Away from creative writing pursuits, Matthew has maintained online blogs and podcast websites and collectives. As well as practices law in the State of Missouri. He also does smaller story content both online and for future collections. With plans for books and other literature projects away from his novel series upcoming.

Book preview

Lost In My Whirlwind

Lost In My Whirlwind

Lost In My Whirlwind

Matthew E. Williams

314 Publishing

To Maxus, because I could be you when I didn't want to be me.

Now we are...

Contents

Dedication

Foreward

Into the Storm

Whirlwind

The Mask

Life

Grey Dreams

Reflection

A Master’s Mentality

Maxus

The Past Is Prologue

Honey Brown Suga

Playing with his clubs

Son To Mother

White Hot Revival

Standing On Their Shoulders

The Lead Singer (inspired by Langston Hughes)

Muddy Waters

Ghost Writer

Prayer to the Pantheon

The Heart Hunts For Completion

Not Yet Requited

Writing H.E.R.

Another M.E.

Can I love you?

Til Next Time

Your Eyes

Musing in the Midst of the Storm

Midnight in Orlando

In my mind

Cycle

Storytellin’

Solace

At the Chair

Matter of the Mind

Love in the Whirlwind (Part 1)

#LNF

Dance with a Diva

Dark Dancing

Perfect Love

Other Side of the Screen

VoyH.E.R.

Our Little Secret

Traces Of Her Lipstick

Stories from the Eye

To answer your Questions

Why I hit him

Garters and Bitches

Biased Pillow Talk

Sale

This is Not a Poem

Well Defended Walls

Potential

Jolly

Same Old Conversation

A M.U.S.E.

Jezebel

Breaking Not Broken

Monochrome

The Exodus

Three Little words

Delilah

Love Thoughts

Alternatively Intimate

Almost Never

Imagine Me

Give in to me

Pet

Collars

Big Black Secret

Every Side Piece is a Hater

Love In the Whirlwind (Part 2)

Part 2

Another H.E.R.

One Last Request

H.E.R. Story

Almost

Adaora

Your Play

Last Dance

The Way Down

photo insert

Sparred from the Storm

Aftermath

About The Author

Foreward

No project of any kind is without internal controversy. Even as small as some level of self-doubt, there is an internal struggle that comes with creativity. For many it may be antithetical to their other skills and responsibilities. I’m really no different. Most of my anxiety over the books that have been reorganized into this collection, and the new poems that have been included, is from my imposter syndrome when it comes to creativity. I’ve been writing in some form since I was around 11. And for a long time during my teens and young adulthood I was the friend you wanted to hear a new poem from, or read a story from. The problem was, for all of my missing performance anxiety live at slams, or other events, I could not release the pieces into the world to be seen by people.

There is a protection to not releasing a book. You can convince yourself that a singular performance was an off night, or the wrong crowd, or any manner of excuses for why it wasn’t as great as normal. And in the inverse, you never feel too arrogant about the great moments because they too were just the right conditions for the perfect storm, if you will. But a book? I would be laying my thoughts bare and open to interpretation and reader opinion, what if they hate the book? What if I don’t organize it right? What if they don’t understand the concept I was going for? These questions were paralyzing for decades in my case. But every time I needed that reassurance I was good at writing? Hop on a stage and soak in the reactions in relative safety. Backwards for many people I’m sure, but for me, this is my path.

So when I felt ready to release Stories I Told Myself there was a strong desire to constantly change it. Constantly put in new pieces. Turn it from the focused, and very specific project it is, into something more like a random collection. Why? So I could have an out to any criticism. Its not meant to be cohesive in presentation, I just wanted a published collection to leave behind. That was a real thought I had with myself at times. But fighting that urge turned out better than I could imagine. So beyond my thoughts, that I had to make good on a wager I’d made, that if I sold more than 10 copies, I’d make the love poem book I’d joked about to my friend and fellow author, Lamar Neal. I even had a witness as my friend and long-suffering editor Chris Hines was aware of it as well. So I set to work.

Unlike Stories, M.E. & H.E.R. A Love Story was not just focused, it was entirely planned, a concept book if you will, telling a love story over a book of poems. How unique it is can be debated by others, but it was something I’d not seen and thought would be the best way to get my thoughts organized, and to present what at times had been a very large part of my poetic writing. And again, there was anxiety. Why? Because Stories had worked." Because now there was expectation. And with that, internal pressure to perform. You can see the pattern here. Good or bad I was not really handling the next project’s internal expectations.

But unlike those projects I find myself in a different state with this version of my collection. That pressure has significantly subsided. Partially because of familiarity. I know the concept I’m weaving here well. I’ve done it in different ways in the previous books. A good percentage of the poems here are from the two previous books, so I’m not hoping they’ll be received well. And I have the success for me of my 3 books to this point. I can quiet the voices that normally are shouting doubts in my brain. This book is as much for new readers as it is for reconnecting old friends, and former supporters of my various creative endeavors. For every person who liked my pieces on stage or found a video of mine on social media. I briefly did a series of purposefully toxic love poems, and those who loved them will feel right at home.

That’s all because this collection is for you. A trip through my mind in poetric form. That mass collection I wanted to use to brace myself before, but presented now with thoughtfulness and focus cohesion and direction. A chance to be introduced to pieces that simply couldn’t make the previous books, as well as ones that maybe should have but hadn’t been written yet. As I transitioned into writing novels, novellas, and short stories, I said the book would be closing on writing poetry. So this is a chance to close the book with a celebration, instead of stealing away into the night. I want to thank all my muses new and old, my mentors, my translators, my unwitting beta readers of the 30 years I’ve been writing, and of course my parents who always drove me to use my creativity. And I want to thank you for reading this collection. I think you’ll have both insight to who I am, and how I think afterwards. But for now…

Welcome to the Whirlwind.

Into the Storm

Whirlwind

I gave my time and attention freely.

And against the words of my own past selves, let down the walls and opened the doors to the fortress of my existence.

And for such a sacrifice of showing my true face wondered, though not ruthlessly, if I was simply a method of passing their time.

And in my wonder I found I did not wander. And instead was beset on all sides by the enemies and sins of my past. Come back to haunt me.

And when I looked for aid?

About me was none but a silent whirlwind.

A tamed beast.

And barely the embers of my fiery soul.

And in my dark hour the wind did not howl but whisper.

The waves not crash but tumble.

And the sky did not roar but rumble.

What then should I have done?

Who then should I have become?

What choice could I make but take these two hands

And bid return to the moment I tempted fate?

And be reborn again as I was but now better than before?

And in that darkness I could only see the flash of lighting.

My only voice the crashing waves and the thunder's roar.

And I felt that fire reignited.

The mask shattered.

The mirror destroyed.

And my enemies and even my foes could no longer