Wyra's Search for the Rainbow Pearls

By Serena D Wu

Is it possible to fully heal without embracing one's wholeness?

As college graduation approaches for Wyra Wan, an ancestral curse activates on her twenty-first birthday. Scared of life's uncertainties and feeling disconnected, the curse cre

• Language: English
• Publisher: Manuscripts LLC
• Release date: Dec 9, 2023
• ISBN: 9798889267874

Book preview

Contents

Author’s Note

Prologue

Paralysis

All Seemed Fine

Dream of Darkness

A Future Uncertain

The Cut

Call That Stopped Wyra

Dream of Light

Wyra Meets Lucy

The Before and After

Anchored by the Rock

Together as One

Wonderland with Amor

Leaving Wonderland

Graduation Day

Summer before Boston

The Shadows of Disconnection

Journey from Mind to Heart

Letter of Rejection

Painting the Harbor

Wyra’s Essence

The Root of It All

To the Land of Mama Aya

Wyra’s Search of Self

Whole in the Womb

After Wholeness

Acknowledgments

Appendix

The longest journey you will make is from the head to the heart.

—Unknown

Author’s Note

Dear readers,

I would like to invite you to go on a journey with me—a journey back to wholeness. Growing up as a Chinese American in the United States, I struggled to find belonging in either culture—Chinese or American. On top of that, I struggled alone with my mental health for many years. Lack of awareness and stigma kept me alone in the dark. Eventually, my pain signaled me to listen, pay attention, and work through my struggles physically, emotionally, and mentally. Also, I found help.

I found psychedelics by chance. Without their help, I would not be here to tell this story.

Currently, new clinical research substantiates the benefits of psychedelics in treating mental health conditions ranging from depression and PTSD to addiction. The Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies announced positive results from their phase 3 study of MDMA-assisted therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder (Doblin 2023).

Studies showed that psilocybin-assisted psychotherapy could relieve major depression symptoms for adults for up to a year for many patients (Johns Hopkins Medicine 2022).

The attention on and interest in psychedelic medicine has increased exponentially since 2020, particularly since the height of the COVID-19 pandemic (Grinspoon 2021).

The research extends beyond the United States to other countries with ongoing clinical research on various psychedelics and psychedelic-assisted therapy, such as Canada, the Netherlands, Switzerland, and Brazil (Kurtz 2022).

Writing this novel was the result of my best friend’s encouragement and the myriad of stories I’d heard and collected over the years about the healing potentials of psychedelics. Originally, I believed my sufferings were mine and mine alone. My friend reminded me that, while my circumstances were unique, others may share similar hardships. Could my experiences resonate with others? Perhaps.

I have come to believe we are already whole, and we are our own healers. In a world where many of us feel like we aren’t enough with our inner voids, it’s hard to remember our essence. Also, it is not uncommon to hope for someone else to fix us. If we feel an emptiness within our hearts, such emptiness cannot be filled by material objects or other people; we must fill them. Even our parents cannot. Healing is a nonlinear process.

This story is about the struggle of returning to wholeness and beginning the journey to self-healing, a process that fully engages both our external and internal worlds.

Of course, in the healing process, we use a variety of tools and medicines as essential resources to help us. At times, we need unconventional tools, like psychedelics, when other tools lack effectiveness. Psychedelics, when used responsibly and safely, can be used as medicines to expand our hearts and minds as well as reconnect ourselves with our souls. Psychedelics act like mirrors to reveal what may be hidden, covered, or pushed away. They show what we might not want to see or feel, but we must. We can use those insights and revelations to address the roots of our suffering and then release them. Even tools like psychedelics don’t fix us. They help us heal ourselves, and by healing ourselves, we can heal our families and communities.

This story is for those who may be suffering from mental health issues and are interested in healing with the help of tools like psychedelics. While not for everyone, psychedelics can be powerful transformational tools when used consciously and safely. The story is also for those who want to reconnect with themselves and anyone who enjoys reading about an adventure. As the number of women of color discussing healing with psychedelics is quite small, this story will add a diverse perspective to the mix.

Unlike other literature on psychedelics, which is mostly nonfiction, this novel takes a reader on an exciting rollercoaster ride through the multiple realms of reality—from the dark caves of the protagonist’s psyche to transcendental states of psychedelic journeys and the mysterious dream space. She experiences three psychedelic substances and meets three teachers known by their nicknames—Lucy, Amor, and Mama Aya. Lucy, Amor, and Mama Aya refer to LSD, MDMA, and ayahuasca, respectively. LSD opens her mind, MDMA opens her heart, and ayahuasca opens her body to reconnect with her soul. As the protagonist embarks on her healing journey, she is also called to lift a family curse.

Your journey awaits.

Warmly,

Serena

Prologue

Wyra and her mother arrived at their new apartment carrying just two suitcases. Wearing a small backpack, Wyra held her mother’s hand and tightly clutched a yellow stuffed animal. The apartment was a simple one-bed, one-bath. Despite its exterior worn-down look, the inside was quaint, though some of the paint appeared faded and mismatched.

This will provide the shelter we will need. Her mother spoke more to herself than to Wyra.

For a seven-year-old child, the move created a tumultuous upheaval that tore her away from all things familiar. Her mother had explained the necessity to uproot and move far away to start anew. Wyra, once full of playfulness, curiosity, and courage, now clung anxiously to her mother’s side. With more trepidation than wonder, she looked at her new surroundings.

Be good and go put your things in the room, her mother instructed. This is our new home now.

Wyra’s heart quietly protested, numb to all the changes.

This is not home.

She obeyed in silence, stepping away hesitantly. After placing the backpack on the bed, she sat and played with the stuffed animal and kept to herself.

Tomorrow was uncertain. Today was all about survival. Each day would bring its unique challenges. Wyra soon learned to internalize focusing on enduring rather than thriving.

With time, magic and resilience in her essence would emerge. Wyra’s soul would reawaken, and her heart would thaw to allow her to experience the fullness of life once again. Living would transcend mere survival.

Chapter 1

Paralysis

It was a long journey home. Wyra finally found her way to the inner sanctuary nestled deep within her being. Since the first step of her journey, she could not have foreseen that the trip from her head to her heart would take longer than any road she had traveled prior.

* * *

On a gloomy, monotonous day, Wyra finished her morning classes with her mind focused on her homework for that afternoon. As the clouds veiled the sun, its gentle warmth continued to emanate and chase away the chill of the February air, but Wyra sought refuge within the confines of her apartment. With the windows shut, her compact bedroom exuded an aura of simplicity and minimalism, having only a desk, chair, bed, nightstand, and bookshelf. She did have some soft stuffed animals on her neatly made bed. Despite having skipped lunch and eaten only two donuts, upon returning home, Wyra retrieved her textbook and notebook to start the two essays due in a few days.

One more semester to go… and I still need to keep my grades up to get a good job.

The scratch of graphite on paper broke the silence of the apartment. She continued to be a good student, like always. Since the holidays, sleepless nights had plagued Wyra, distracting her with concerns about her postgraduation life. Her weary face, accentuated by dark circles reminiscent of panda eyes, revealed the insomnia caused by fretting over an uncertain future. She worried excessively about what she would do after college.

I wish I had graduation plans like Lili and Linden. Or even Verben.

In front of her roommate Lili, her best friend Verben, and Linden, Wyra’s poker face masked her fears. Her smiles feigned optimism and hope for a bright future ahead when her insides contorted into knots of stress. Nothing about her seemed different or objectively signaled anything wrong. She was there, and she was not.

It came on suddenly. An electrical charge radiated from her neck down to her fingers and toes on her right side. Her right hand frozen and fingers numbed, her right arm fell off the desk and drooped to her side, weighed down by gravity. The sharp shooting pain ran down her right leg as well, disseminating pins and needles. It tingled as if thousands of pricks pierced the center of her leg. Fiery inflammation washed over her right side.

Arrrgggh, Wyra cried out.

Wincing and holding her breath, she tried to keep quiet as the burning and tingling sensations prickled throughout the right side of her body, spasming each muscle she moved. Her right leg became heavy as a log.

I can’t move.

Wyra could not get up. Her right hand continued to hang still. With her left hand, she tried placing the pencil into the palm of her right hand, but it fell as her fingers could not close the grip on it. Gravity dragged down her limbs like a dead weight.

Beads of sweat started forming on the top of her forehead and the back of her neck. Panicked, her eyes darted across the room to figure out what to do. She remembered she had left her laptop in the kitchen and her phone nestled in her bag a few feet away from the desk.

Maybe it’s just a muscle cramp. A charley horse? Those cramps come and go. I might spasm, but they usually go away…

What if it’s not? I don’t think I can reach Lili or Verben.

Lili was still on campus. Verben, too. Wyra could not think of anyone else she could call.

Who else would come anyway? Maybe Linden? Probably not…

No emergency ambulance either because she had never been to a hospital or used an ambulance, so she did not feel comfortable doing so.

Besides, how much would an ambulance cost? How will I be able to afford it?

It’s just a muscle cramp. It’ll go away in a few minutes.

Wyra’s mind tried to reassure her, but a part of her questioned whether it was merely a spasm. Using her left hand as support, she reached for the phone in her bag. As she struggled to pull out the phone, she fell off her chair. Luckily, the carpet softened the fall, and the chair sat low.

Just as she dialed the number for Verben, Wyra tried opening her mouth to talk, but the muscles around her jaw would not move. The right side of her mouth numbed and stopped responding to the commands of her brain.

My jaw got cramped, too. How will I call for help?

A silent dread skulked in the back of her mind. No one could help her.

Using her left arm as support, she crawled on the floor from the desk to her twin-sized bed not too far away. While crawling, Wyra also experienced involuntary and painful twitches in her right arm and leg. When she finally reached her bed, the spasms stopped, and she began to breathe more normally. She rubbed her face, jaw, and neck, massaging all the muscles her left hand could reach. She held her breath and prayed for the pain to subside. Exhausted and uncomfortable, she welcomed the softness of her bed and the chilliness of the comforter, cooling the heat pulsating in her body.

She pulled the comforter on top of her and lay waiting for the cramping to end. Wyra stared at the ceiling while half of her body tingled and burned. Unable to decide what to do, her mind wavered between wanting to rest and wanting to avoid discomfort. Unable to sleep, Wyra picked up her phone again and tried to dial Linden’s number. No one answered.

Frustrated, scared, and alone, not knowing what to do, she found herself confined to her bed with a limp arm and leg. She continued to stare at the ceiling for a while, doing what seemed like the only thing possible—disconnecting from the pain. Quietly, tears gathered and escaped from the corners of her eyes, each droplet bigger than the last. Wyra only noticed when the sides of the pillow touching her ears became wet and cold. She lifted her left arm and fumbled over on her side table to find the tissue box, knocking over everything in the process. A little disorganization appeared trivial now. After locating the tissues, Wyra wiped her face and discarded the dirty tissues carelessly onto the floor.

She stared at the ceiling until she fell asleep. By the time Wyra woke up, the pitch-dark sky enveloped everything and hushed the frenzied activities of the day. Even though Lili had returned from class, Wyra did not hear the door close or Lili calling her name. Wyra was unsure how many hours she slept. In the dark, she gently wiggled her fingers and toes to see if they would move.

They moved!

They woke up, albeit slowly, as if they were in a deep slumber. While the burning and tingling electrical sensations from earlier had subsided significantly, they remained faintly perceptible. Ecstatic that she could move her fingers and toes, a noticeable shift in her body left her disheartened. No matter which finger or toe she compared, the right side felt tighter, warmer, heavier, and more tense. It seemed her body had split into two halves.

Wyra did not know her body held memories tied to strong experiences of the past. With its intuitive wisdom, her body would serve as a guiding compass to resolve the trauma she refused to acknowledge and its connection to her body’s fragmentation. From this moment onward, Wyra started on her path to heal.

Chapter 2

All Seemed Fine

Tension filled Wyra’s body as she entered the university health center the next day. She walked into a wide corridor resembling a typical hospital. Walking up to the urgent care department, she supported herself against the metal rail. As her hand touched it, the coolness brought a refreshing sense of relief.

As she walked past the large sapphire blue double doors into the vast lobby atrium, all she could think about was the unevenness in her body. She quickly spotted the receptionist for the urgent care department in the back of the corridor. The voices of students, staff, doctors, and nurses faded into the background like the antiseptic luster of the camel beige walls. The center surpassed any clinic she had ever visited back home in terms of its sophistication for a state-of-the-art medical facility.

How can I help you? the receptionist asked.

I need to check on my arm and leg. They’re inflamed, Wyra responded.

Okay, we can check you in. Here you go, honey. The receptionist handed Wyra a clipboard with several sheets of questions regarding her personal and medical information. Fill this out and return it to me when you’re done. We’ll call you when it’s your turn.

Wyra sat down on one of the comfortable, sleek couches. After filling out the paperwork, she let her mind wander. After an hour’s wait, a voice startled her.

Wyra. Wyra Wan? the nurse called out.

Wyra looked up and followed the nurse into the examining room. She complied