13 Moons Over Vietnam: 13th Moon ~ Anticipation

By Ben Thieu Long

Military Police serving in the Vietnam War faced danger and challenges from not only the Viet Cong but also from an unexpected enemy. 13 Moons: Anticipation reveals the inner war encountered by one policeman and the moral and emotional turmoil because of his responses. Ben Thieu Long struggled with intense, conflicted emotions in the final month of his tour. Anxiously anticipating his return home, he reacted erratically to threats to his safety. When he crossed the line, his actions left him with a weight of rage and guilt that he would carry long after his tour ended.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Outskirts Press
• Release date: Feb 16, 2024
• ISBN: 9781977271723

Ben Thieu Long

Born in Chicago, Ben Thieu Long (pseudonym) was active in the Boy Scouts and earned the coveted God and Country Award. He has retired after a forty-year career in human resources. With expertise in conflict resolution and change management, he worked as an internal consultant in manufacturing, telecommunication, education, and healthcare. However, Ben’s life journey has not always been positive. He endured abuse throughout his teen years from his father, a World War II veteran struggling with alcoholism. After three years in college, Ben entered the Army, served in Vietnam, and returned a disillusioned young man. He worked ten years on a General Motors assembly line but answered a calling to follow a path focused on helping others and, in the course, found his way home to spiritual restoration and his faith. Ben has earlier published a 13-volume series entitled Thirteen Moons over Vietnam. The stories are based on his military police duty and highlight war's moral, emotional, and spiritual effects. Darleen Long (pseudonym) contributed stories about her journey toward faith. She has retired after a long career in government, business, healthcare, and the legal profession. Also born in Chicago, her years in Michigan and later Arizona reveal how trials and tribulations, happiness and joy, inform her realistic, yet hopeful, outlook on life.

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13 Moons Over Vietnam: 13th Moon ~ Anticipation

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2024 Ben Thieu Long

v2.0

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Cover & interior images © 2024 Ben Thieu Long. All rights reserved - used with permission.

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PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Preface: 13th Moon

Introduction: 13th Moon ~ Anticipation

Chapter 187: EVASIVE: A Double-edged Game

Chapter 188: RELENTLESS: Bloodlust

Chapter 189: EXPLOSIVE: Irritated to Ignited

Chapter 190: DEMORALIZED: Don’t Mean Nothing

Chapter 191: SENTIMENTAL: Souvenirs for Home

Chapter 192: BITTERSWEET: Parting Memories

Chapter 193: UNFIT: Needing a Sanctuary

Chapter 194: CONFLICTED: Bidding Adieu

Chapter 195: ECSTATIC: Freedom Bird

Chapter 196: UNEXPECTED: The Stranger

Chapter 197: OVERJOYED: The Lights of Home

Chapter 198: UNPREPARED: In the Night

Chapter 199: UNEASY: Stranger at the Table

Chapter 200: RECONNECTED: Feeling Strengthened

Chapter 201: ENCOURAGED: Hope for Recovery

Chapter 202: REASSURED: Finding the Light

Glossary

Author Biography

Preface: 13th Moon

Thirteen Moons over Vietnam is a thirteen-volume series based on a military policeman’s tour of duty which highlights the moral and emotional effects of war. The stories are based on the author’s experience, but all names are changed to protect privacy. The Letters Home, however, accurately depict the original correspondence to his wife.

Ben Thieu Long (pseudonym) believed he was prepared for war but faltered in his response to temptation and moral choices. When his behaviors betrayed his values and commitments, Ben’s sense of morality and spiritual well-being steadily slipped away. In his final month, Ben’s contradictions and dual-identity must now come face to face.

Although this is one soldier’s experience, these stories and letters are representative of trials faced by generations of veterans during war.

Introduction:

13th Moon ~ Anticipation

The 13th Moon: Anticipation closes this series depicting Ben Thieu Long’s tumultuous 13-month tour in Vietnam. Through a collage of Letters Home and diverse stories, a tapestry has emerged revealing the lifelong journey common to all rising above challenging circumstances to living a life of passion and purpose.

Ben arrived in Vietnam in December 1969 a meek and naïve young man but departed an unrecognizable and conflicted veteran. Pivotal shifts in attitudes and actions foreshadow the issues he carried home.

Pivotal Shifts

1st Moon INNOCENCE: Naivety to escapism

2nd Moon TEMPTATION: Distraction to self-loss

3rd Moon DISCORD: Self-justification to depression

4th Moon REMORSE: Broken to reenergized

5th Moon INSIGHT: New beginnings to old habits

6th Moon FRICTION: Social friction to social pariah

7th Moon HEARTACHE: Anticipation to detachment

8th Moon STRIFE: Heartache to reckless adventurism

9th Moon RESOLUTE: Untested to unfettered courage

10th Moon AMBIVALENCE: Wavering to renewed commitment

11th Moon EPIPHANY: Cautious to unrestrained abandon

12th Moon VOLATILE: Restrained to unleashed aggression

Behavioral Transformations

EMPATHY to DISTRUST: Emotional withdrawal to loss of empathy and compassion. Callous insensitivity and distrust dominate.

INTEGRITY to CRIMINALITY: Adherence to values and beliefs yields to cynicism and moral degeneration. Outward disguises driven by a deepening self-deception conceal illicit activities.

CAUTIOUS to RECKLESS: Abandonment of caution leads to impulsive and imprudent choices.

PASSIVITY to HOSTILITY: Fear of harm and rising perception of threats to safety result in aggression and physical violence.

The Weights Carried Home

Ben grieves for what has been lost, morally and spiritually. His self-destructive patterns have pushed him away from his foundation. He does not yet recognize what can and cannot be regained and flounders between who he was and who he may have become.

Ben desperately hopes to achieve personal restoration and renewal. But he is realistic that the process will be difficult, and that no quick recovery may be accomplished. He has seen the challenges veterans over the generations have faced returning home from war: firstly, through the eyes of Odysseus in Homer’s The Odyssey, and secondly, firsthand experience in witnessing his own Father’s struggle with alcohol abuse.

Ben decisively vows his moral collapse and subsequent emotional and mental suffering will not be the hallmark of his life. He recognizes he carries heavy baggage that may impede or even derail his plans. However, his vision to build a healthy family life and acquire an education that will offer a meaningful contribution to society is driven by faith and courage.

Bien Hoa Combined Police Force Operational Area

187

EVASIVE:

A Double-edged Game

December 1, 1970

A Year of Disguises

Ben sat in the EM Club with two of his remaining close friends. It’s getting to be a bummer to still be here, he muttered between sips of beer.

It’s ALWAYS been a bummer to be here, Freddie Washington snorted. If it weren’t for having trusted friends around, being here would be torture.

I don’t think you know today’s my anniversary. I left Chicago for Vietnam one year ago. He raised his can in a mock toast. (See 1st Moon: Innocence, Story 2 ~ Leaving on a Jet Plane).

I’m not sure that’s something to celebrate, John Cornwell scoffed.

Freddie slowly shook his head. If you hadn’t extended, you coulda been home already, brother.

Ben shrugged, intently gazing at the news on the television. I volunteered to extend so I wouldn’t have to serve a Stateside assignment after my time here. I think my decision was a good choice. After a year in Vietnam, I’d be unfit for Stateside duty.

Freddie and John chuckled and exchanged glances.

Yep, they understand all too well. Ben pointed at the television. And I sure don’t want to be an MP dealing with anti-war protesters.

Freddie glanced at the social unrest on the news and then studied Ben’s stoic expression. I hear ya about not wanting to use nightsticks on protesters.

Some of those people are my friends. Ben remembered his good friend Mike Strauss had attended the Moratorium in D.C. That was after he visited me at Fort Gordon. He’s probably gone to other anti-war rallies by now.

I agree, John grumbled. I hate being in Vietnam, but it’s better than battling friends back in the world. Besides, from what I’ve seen, you seem to be handling this place all right.

John only knows some of what I’ve struggled with here. Well, being in Vietnam HAS taken its toll on me.

You keep it hidden pretty well.

That’s all part of the disguise. I’ve gotten good at presenting a false front. In fact, I’ve been concealing my conflicting identities for such a long time that sometimes I even confuse myself. (See 3rd Moon: Discord, Story 40 ~ Identity Discord; 5th Moon: Insight, Story 65 ~ Disguises).

You’re real good at maintaining a disguise. Your true identity don’t show to most people, Freddie agreed.

Ben turned his gaze downward. Unfortunately, this constant game of maintaining disguises messes with my head. It’s worn me down.

John leaned forward. At least you’re nearly done here. What’s your short-timer count today?

Twenty and a wake-up.

You’re a short muther! Freddie exclaimed and slammed his can on the table.

You’ll be leaving right after me.

True, but I’m still envious.

Damn, I got a whole forty-five days left, John mumbled, with a frown creasing his brow.

Let’s get another round, Freddie suggested.

You should buy me another short-timer beer, Ben insisted.

Freddie flashed an irritated look. Sure, brother. Rake in all the benefits you can.

Another Brother

Freddie returned with three more cold beers, and Ben took a long gulp. Speaking of brothers, have you met the new guy in the other hooch yet?

Freddie raised his eyebrows. You talking about the Black kid from Detroit or some new Whitey?

When have I ever called a White dude a brother?

Well, I call you brother, and you ain’t even close to Black. Hell, California surfers are darker than you!

Ben was taken aback. Of course, I’m talking about the Black guy from Detroit.

All right, just checking who you’re calling a brother.

You don’t have to get testy, Ben protested.

Freddie slapped his knee. Damn, Ben. Don’t be so sensitive! I’m just fuckin’ with you.

Ben scowled and leaned back.

So, whaddaya think of that William Jones of Detroit? Freddie continued.

You mean Willy?

Willy? Is that all you know to call him? Freddie asked mockingly.

Are you fuckin’ with me some more? I didn’t know his real name.

Freddie roared with laughter and took a long swig of beer. Whaddaya think, short-timer?

Ben took another gulp to regain his composure, and John jumped into the fray. I heard Jones is a pretty sharp guy.

Must feel good to have another brother in the unit, Ben said.

A frown quickly replaced Freddie’s amused expression. Who says he’s a brother? Just because he’s Black?

I can’t say anything right tonight. I just thought, Ben muttered.

You just thought? Damn, brother! If I thought like that, I’d never hang with you White boys.

Ben leaned back, speechless, and John glanced around uncomfortably.

You worried about the reaction from our lily-white neighbors?

Well-ll… Ben stammered.

I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. I have a right to my opinion. And, for the record, just because a dude is Black don’t make him a brother to me. That privilege is earned, not inherited.

Geesh, what’s got Freddie all riled up? Ben stared at him, still speechless.

Freddie leaned closer. From what I hear, young William is a through and through lifer. In my book, that means he’s no brother of mine, no matter what his color.

Ben and John exchanged uneasy glances while Freddie continued to rant. Brothers, don’t be fooled by the color of the cover. A man’s true colors are based on his inside, not his skin side.

I’m not saying anything more about this guy. Uh, huh, Ben mumbled, quickly taking another gulp.

John conceded with a shrug. That’s a fair point.

Recognizing Disguises

Your cans are empty. I’ll buy another round, Freddie offered and dashed to the bar. He returned with more beers and dropped heavily into his chair. Now, where were we?

Neither Ben nor John responded.

Cat got your tongues? Freddie teased.

Ben picked up his can and sipped slowly, avoiding eye contact.

Freddie changed his approach. Ben, I know you play a lot of chess. You any good?

I can hold my own, most of the time.

Then you understand the difference between the pieces, right?

Where’s he going with this? Yes.

Which chess piece is most like you?

Ben’s eyes squinted with determination. I think of myself as a knight.

Why a knight?

Knights are among the most dangerous pieces because they can move in many directions. A knight can catch his opponent off guard.

John heartily laughed. That sounds like you. You’re a sneaky one!

And what are the lifers? What pieces do they act like? Freddie pressed.

Ben warily scanned the nearby tables. Most of them are pawns.

And why do you say that?

Ben scanned the room again to check if anyone was listening. Because most lifers are simple, slow, and usually only move straight ahead.

So, what’s your read on Mr. William from Detroit?

He’s straightforward and appears to operate by the book.

What do you think, John?

John shook his head. This conversation is over my head.

Okay, I’ll make it simple. John, What do you know about this new guy?

John’s brow scrunched. I don’t know much, but I hear people call him devious. Some guys say he’s just putting on an act to lull us into thinking he’s harmless.

Freddie’s steely gaze settled back on Ben. That’s my read, too. I don’t trust this new guy. My advice is don’t open up to him.

Ben nodded. William plays chess very well. I’ve played him a few times, and he’s beaten me more than once. He’s a challenging opponent.

I suspect he’s a knight disguised as a pawn.

Ben scowled. I don’t know.

Whaddaya mean you don’t know? Freddie bellowed. You’re the expert on disguises. That is, right after me.

Well, he’s made some cunning moves in chess.

That’s all the more reason not to trust him, Freddie cautioned. The most dangerous opponents disguise their tactics. You know that!

A Double-edged Game

I’m too short to worry about that bullshit anymore. Ben dismissively waved his hand.

"That’d be