Unstoppable Grit: Break Through the 7 Roadblocks Standing Between You and Achieving Your Goals

By Danielle Cobo

Embrace resilience and thrive amid challenges to build a career and life you love.

When building a career, navigating the intricate labyrinth of the professional world can leave even the most resilient person feeling overwhelmed, undervalued, and discouraged. Whether you're driven to build your side business, are spending hours searching "jobs near me," or are receiving promotion after promotion, burnout and self-doubt can be an inevitable side effects to creating your dream career.

Trailblazing and resilient entrepreneur Danielle Cobo demonstrates in this highly-effective and inspirational guide how to be your own advocate and create the professional career and personal life you deserve.

A former Fortune 500 Senior Sales Manager turned influential leadership expert, Danielle shares her proven method that has helped thousands break through life's biggest challenges. Using a unique blend of storytelling and expert insights to arm you with an arsenal of tools designed for the modern professional, Danielle will help you develop the grit, resilience, and courage to thrive personally and professionally. This book doesn't merely point you toward success—it empowers you to define it on your own terms.

You'll learn how to:

• Break free from societal expectations, defining your own version of success.
• Adapt to change and thrive amid adversity with her practical 5-step framework.
• Master the blueprint to develop a career plan that aligns with your passion and purpose.
• Recognize the seven signs of burnout and learn actionable strategies to overcome it.
• Create a personal brand that magnetically attracts career opportunities.

Take the first step toward transforming your career and life. Immerse yourself in Unstoppable Grit and discover the power of resilience, courage, and unwavering determination in the face of adversity. Break through your roadblocks and reach your goals. Don't just survive—thrive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Innovative Leadership Publishing, LLC
• Release date: Feb 21, 2024
• ISBN: 9798988928119

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Life Kicked Me into Risk

Danielle, you’ve been demoted, the director of Human Resources said in her annoying, biting voice. You will no longer hold a leadership position.

She took a breath and then added one more blow: Effective immediately.

For seven years, I had given everything to this company, and I had spent time climbing upward. I had earned the highly sought top sales manager award, Regional Manager of the Year. I had mentored emerging leaders, an honor usually only given to the rising stars of the company. In addition, I had earned the company’s Award of Excellence five times for going above and beyond in my role, demonstrating stellar leadership across multiple divisions.

People who earned those types of awards didn’t usually get demoted.

I sat on the other end of the call in shock, but I managed to shift into my polished professional mode. Help me understand why? My voice cracked. I didn’t think she noticed.

The director cleared her throat. She said, The investigation found you treat people differently.

What? I supported everyone on my team. I took time to get to know them. I helped them strategize their career goals. I knew their core values and their personality types. Heck, I even wrote their spouses and kids thank-you cards at the end of each year. I made it a point to regularly encourage and advise each and every one.

And yet here I was, getting the corporate double-talk and gloomy, uncertain messaging.

After the call ended, I slumped onto the rug in my home office, gasping for air as my mind whirled with the sting of false accusations.

Little did I know, that moment would change the whole course of my career, my personal relationships, the way I was as a mom… absolutely everything.

Most of us have a pivotal moment that alters our path. It could be a job layoff, a demotion (like in my case), or maybe a relationship breakup, a death of a family member or friend, or a health diagnosis, whether personal or for a loved one. It could even be a lot of those events piling together at once.

In this book, you will learn how to develop resilience to overcome life’s biggest obstacles and embrace change when the unexpected happens. By identifying stress triggers, you’ll be better able to prevent and overcome burnout. You will gain clarity on a career path that will lead you to success, and you will redefine what success means to you. You’ll discover how to break through the seven roadblocks standing between you and achieving your goals. As well, you will learn how to prepare for crises in the workplace—and how to recover quickly when crisis strikes—regardless of whether you are a manager or an individual contributor. If you are a business owner, you’ll learn how to lead yourself through any obstacle the business environment throws at you. You’ll also learn how to develop the courage to take risks and the unstoppable grit to succeed in your long-term goals.

I will walk you through the steps I took to climb out of a devastating series of events, build a six-figure business in one year, and pursue goals that, at the time, I had never even dared to dream about. Since then, I have built a successful speaking and consulting business, written a book, and launched a podcast, the Unstoppable Grit Podcast with Danielle Cobo (formerly Dream Job with Danielle Cobo Podcast), downloaded in over 90 countries and ranked in the top 5% of global podcasts. Most importantly, with all the success, I now spend more time with my six-year-old twin boys and my supportive husband.

Not only did I learn how to do these things for myself, but I have also been working to help others like you to do the same. It doesn’t matter what your situation is; you can make your life and your work better if you apply the right principles. In this book, you’ll learn how I’ve helped thousands of people transform self-doubt into grit, resilience, and the courage to thrive in all areas of their lives.

CHAPTER 2

Tough Times: Where to

Go and What to do

My upbringing gave me tools for my business wins, but it also created a lot of self-doubt. The secrets to our next-level success can lie in what we learned or developed in our youth, even if our upbringings were hard. But our upbringings can also hold us back in our careers if we don’t confront with the limiting beliefs we picked up along the way.

For me, my success—and my lack of success—was centered around my mother.

My mom is a mystery to me. She was a corporate leader of a Fortune 500 pharmaceutical company and commanded respect among her peers. But when she made it home every night, she would slump onto our white leather couch and stare out at our beige travertine tile with our cocker spaniel by her side.

Seeing my mom like that night after night, I somehow thought that her sadness was my fault, that I was doing something wrong. I thought that if I behaved the right way, she would be happy like she used to be. I only needed to figure out what the right way was. I never did figure out how to make her happy, but trying to made me into a chronic people pleaser.

By the time I was three years old, my father had left, leaving it just my mom and me. Despite the fact that it was only the two of us, I had to compete hard for my mom’s attention against whoever was the current man in her life, who always seem to have a dramatic impact on her ever-changing personality.

By the time I was 12, she had quite the track record. She had divorced my father, the classic car enthusiast; broken off an engagement with her fiancé, the singer; broken off a relationship with the devoted missionary; and married and divorced my stepfather, the devoted Christian family man. At that point, she was dating (I suspect it was an affair) the life of the party, my best friend’s dad.

This constant change in morals and worldviews required me to learn how to adapt quickly. But it also taught me that people leave unexpectedly. As a result, I put up walls to protect myself and to avoid the pain of them leaving. I made it an unspoken rule not to get too close to anyone. Eventually, this aloof behavior caused me problems. For example, in my years in the corporate world, I was criticized in 360-degree review feedback for not taking risks or being authentic, and I had business troubles from pleasing too much instead of leading.

Despite all the chaos of my upbringing, the seeds for my future success in life were planted in those few short years my mom and stepdad were married. In fact, this was the brightest time of my childhood, and it enabled me later, in my darkest moments, to find the guiding light to move toward a happier and more fulfilling life. The same potential applies to you, too. Those times in our childhood that were happy give us the path to follow to be happy and successful later in life.

My stepfather was a family man and showed me warmth, love, and support—plus he was funny, believed in me, and treated me like his own. The five years we lived together (me, my mom, my stepdad, and his two sons) gave me a taste of the all-American family life and the joy of having a stable parental influence.

Our weekends were crammed with baseball or soccer games where we cheered for each other to make the score. Then, on Sundays, we had church, with a big home-cooked meal afterward as a reward. Actually, we had a delicious home-cooked meal every night. Most of the time, the food was classic American roast beef and potatoes, meat loaf with green beans, or my ultimate favorite, my step dad’s beef stroganoff. After dinner and dishes, we gathered in the living room to eat mint-and-chip ice cream and read from the thick Book of Virtues.

One summer morning, my mom called me into her bedroom. Danielle, your stepdad and I are getting divorced, she said with a matter-of-fact tone. No tears. No empathy in her voice. No emotion.

Divorce? My voice choked.

A slight frown tugged at my mom’s lips.

My head spun as I tried to make sense of what she was saying. My parents never fought. Why?

She wiped at the streams of tears cascading down my cheeks. We aren’t getting along. He moved out this morning. She shrugged. We’re going to a swap meet with Sarah and her dad in a couple of hours, so make sure you’re ready and in comfy shoes.

My stomach tightened. This didn’t feel right.

And it wasn’t right.

Suddenly, we were no longer a family with my stepfather, and instead, my mom was hanging out with my best friend’s divorced dad. She never called my best friend’s dad a boyfriend.

That following Sunday, I slipped into my church clothes and waited to go, but Mom never jangled her keys, signaling it was time to leave. Growing anxious that we were going to be late, I asked if we were going.

Mom looked up from her computer and said, Naw.

I withdrew back to my room, disappointed and confused. This random change of values created a deep desire in me for the stability that I had experienced when my stepdad was around. Suddenly, my life had gone from all-American to watching my mom go through a whole array of men, hair colors, and personalities.

When she was in relationships, she would sing and laugh and be full of life, chatting on the phone for hours and spontaneously going on adventures with her current partners, leaving me home alone. When she wasn’t dating anyone, we had lots of mother-daughter time, going out for lunch weekly, working on projects around the house, and shopping at the newly renovated mall to feed her constant obsession with her appearance.

As much as I blamed my mom for making me feel like the second choice after the guys in her life, I also saw her as a fierce woman. She transformed from an uneducated waitress to a successful businesswoman with a master’s degree. She was a brilliant saleswoman, and I learned that passion paired with commitment and action is the key to success.

She had built a thriving career in medical sales by the time I was in high school, earning numerous sales awards and leading a team for one of the top 10 pharmaceutical companies in the world. As a young child, I had watched my mother juggle waitressing and night classes; now she was one of the few women holding leadership positions in the early ’90s. I aspired to be like her in that way.

My childhood was both good and negative, like I imagine most childhoods are. I learned traits that would hurt me in business, like being a pleaser and being emotionally inaccessible, and I learned grit, resilience, and courage, which ultimately let me build a flourishing career.

Before I was able to do that, though, my life at home worsened. Mom became a roller coaster of emotions with twists and turns, highs and lows. I didn’t have a road map and constantly felt pressured to figure out her erratic bipolar behavioral changes and her expectations of me as her daughter.

By the time my senior year rolled around, stress took its effect on me. My body was a skeleton, my hair was falling out, and acne covered my back and chest. I couldn’t sleep, and tension with my mom was rapidly increasing. To top it off, I discovered that my boyfriend had cheated on me.

I lost interest in once-enjoyable activities with my friends and worked overtime as I tried to handle life my own way. One late school night, as I was lying hopelessly in bed, a cool ocean breeze blew through the windows. I listened to the waves crashing against the sand and smelled the salty ocean air. I was wrestling with whether to leave my boyfriend when, over the faint sound of the wind, I heard my mom talking to a friend on the phone.

I’m considering sending Danielle to private school to get her act together and get her away from her boyfriend.

I gasped.

Danielle, are you listening in? Footsteps headed my way. Danielle Lyn, get over here now. You are not to—

And off went our fight.

At some point, I yelled, Mom, you’re such a b—

Her palm slapped me across my face.

Suddenly, as we stood at the top of the staircase between the second and first floors, she pushed me, and I tumble-rolled down the stairs. My legs had rug burns and cuts from the fall, but I didn’t pause to take care of them as she continued to yell. I tore out the front door barefoot as my mom’s screams followed me and fear filled my chest.

The gravel bit at the bottom of my feet as I frantically called my boyfriend for help. I hid behind a bush several blocks away as panic erupted within me. I gasped so hard for air that I thought I might pass out. Twenty minutes later, I climbed into my boyfriend’s shadow-gray Toyota Tundra for a silent ride to his house.

I was still in shock as his mom greeted me in the driveway. After embracing me with a hug like I was one of her own, she took me into her kitchen, where she helped me tend to my wounds and gave me a warm cup of chamomile tea with honey.

You need to go to the police, she said. Your living conditions are abusive.

I relived tumbling down the stairs and the pain as I hit each one. I began to shake.

Her behavior will only escalate, my boyfriend’s mom added.

I debated whether I should go to the police, but I wondered if my mom would report me as a runaway if I didn’t. I agreed to go to the police, and I spent the night reporting the incident. But, as was normal for me at the time, I tried to just move on as though nothing had happened.

The next morning, with a killer headache, I borrowed clothes from my boyfriend’s sister and walked into school, trying to forget the night before. In second period, I was called to the school therapist, who had been notified of the situation by the police.

As I sat in the school counselor’s office, my head hung low. I was very aware of my puffy eyes and bruises and scratches. The school counselor lectured me on why I should obey my mother. The only way for you to succeed in life is to go back home and repair things with her, she added, as if that were the only truth.

I was there with bruises and scratches from an attack from my mom, and this woman was telling me that I had to go back and risk more abuse?

She was wrong.

how to heal When Everything seems Wrong

A Swiss-American psychiatrist named Elisabeth Kübler-Ross had worked with terminally ill individuals for years. She developed the Kübler-Ross model of grief after observing terminally ill patients moving through a range of emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then, eventually, acceptance.

Later, she put her theory into a book, On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Her

principles can be a response to any event that is considered gripping or life-changing, such as a breakup, household disaster, financial hardship, corporate restructuring, or job loss.¹

After going through all I did with my mom, in order for me to heal and to make something of myself, I had to process my major upsets. Even though we all have different life experiences, going through the grief cycle to shed our wounds is critical if we are going to move forward.

The first stage is denial. When we deny the existence of painful facts, we are in denial. As a coping mechanism, we might separate ourselves from the event and ignore our problems in order to avoid anxiety and stress. This is common when we have been deeply hurt, but it doesn’t work if we constantly avoid everything that might trigger an unpleasant reality or memory. Adapting to change begins with moving through denial.

Inspiration: a source of Energy and hope

In times of depression, it is helpful to connect with trustworthy friends. Change up your scenery by making plans to meet someone you haven’t seen in a while for dinner or coffee. Increase your endorphins by taking a brisk walk, running, swimming, or hiking. Exercising outdoors in the sun and fresh air is a great way to improve your health, especially because vitamin D from the natural sunlight outdoors can give you a quick energy boost. Exercising can also be enhanced by listening to motivational videos, TED Talks, or podcasts. Furthermore, it is essential to ensure your body receives an adequate seven to nine hours of sleep and healthy nutrition.²

If you feel stuck here or can’t seem to move past this stage of change, you can talk with a mental health expert. A therapist is a trained expert who will listen empathetically without judging or telling you what to do. Whether you’re going through a job loss, financial hardship, divorce, or trauma, a therapist can help you work through this coping period.

Regret: how to avoid It

When we’re at a standstill, it’s not uncommon for us to bargain with ourselves. Moments of abrupt change can leave us feeling vulnerable and helpless. Ruminating thoughts of what if, if I had only, or why didn’t I? cause distress and can lead to feelings of guilt and shame. The desire to regain control or affect what happens next can sometimes turn into regretful statements during this bargaining stage, such as:

What if I had responded differently with my mom? Would she have gotten physical with me?

The best way I have found to shift out of this and start the path to healing is to reframe your thoughts to positive thinking. Write all your what ifs down and reframe them positively.

For example:

Reframe What if I had worked longer hours? Then I wouldn’t have lost my job to As an employee, I’m valuable, and my well-being is a priority.

Reframe If only I knew my products better, I would have gotten the sale to Rejection is a lesson with valuable insight; I’ll get the next sale. I will brush up on the benefits the product offers.

Reframe Why didn’t I prepare better for the interview? to I will be more prepared, and I will get the next job.

Just as our thoughts affect how we feel and behave, so do changes in how we think. You can learn to recognize those negative patterns that are not serving your needs over time and then reframe them into something more empowering.

Also, do what feels right for you rather than what others expect you to do or pressure you into doing. By being mindful of your choices, you can minimize the chances of experiencing regret later on in life.

The hidden Emotion That can destroy our Relationships

After being betrayed by my mother, I became angry and I wanted to defend myself, which eventually ended up impacting my relationships. This showed up in me avoiding others for years. My hurt was seeping out without me knowing it. Sometimes, our hurt can be more subtle—rolling eyes, sighing out loud with frustration—while other times, it can be more physical. These are signs that, underneath our calm exterior, there lies another emotion grappling its way up to the light like a raging volcano about to erupt. If we don’t deal with it, it will come out in less productive ways.

Identifying signs of anger:

Being frequently impatient or irritable

Withdrawing from or stopping communication with others

Feeling tension mounting when tackling tasks

Being passive-aggressive toward others

Having resentment

Intensifying persuasive tone

Obsessively pondering how to approach important events

Being aggressive

Jumping into conflict easily when annoyed

When you are overwhelmed by the emotion of anger, the power of the pause cannot be overstated. Studies show that regulating your breath can lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol.³ Whenever you feel triggered, the most caring way of handling it is to calm down your nervous system. To better assist in dealing with the change reaction of emotions, I find the four-square breathing technique, which is commonly used by Navy SEALs, enormously helpful. It is an effective and simple relaxation technique. Four-square breathing aims to restore the breathing rhythm and help clear the mind, relax the body, and improve focus.⁴

To do this…

Breathe in for four seconds.

Hold for four seconds.

Breathe out for four seconds.

Hold for four seconds.

The process works best when repeated three times or until you feel more at ease.

The vagus nerve, the longest cranial nerve in the body, is stimulated by deep breathing. When this happens, it reduces the fight-or-flight response.⁵ Next, you must uncover the hidden emotions that lie underneath. Grab a journal and write down your feelings. List five to ten emotions you are experiencing. Just identifying them can be therapeutic on its own.

Next, consider how your emotions may be affecting others around you. Your anger has a ripple effect on those around you. For me, the dominant emotion as I processed all that had happened with me and my mom was anger. Anger boiled inside of me, but I knew that if I stayed with my mother, our relationship would only become worse. If I wanted any kind of future for myself, I had to leave. I couldn’t help my mom, even though I had tried for years, but I could help myself.

When someone isn’t treating you right, no matter how much you love them, you’ve got to love yourself more.

When I walked away from