Who I Was: Who I Am, #1

By Kasidy Blake

Lillian Jacobson was a very happy four year old. She had two loving parents and an older brother who put all other brothers to shame.

Everything changed one horrible night when her entire world was savagely torn apart. Her parents were brutally murdered in front of her eyes and she was left with a bullet wound in her shoulder as a constant reminder of the tragedy. Now she and her brother are living their lives in constant fear; every day a fight for survival.

After years of relative safety under witness protection, their situation turns from bad to worse. Betrayed by a man who swore to protect them, her brother is taken by the same people who ended her parents lives years before. She is moved to a secure location under the protection of two agents, but a complication arises that she never saw coming. She begins to fall for both men, who are also falling for her. When a letter arrives bearing the ultimatum, "Surrender yourself or your brother dies," she must find a way to suppress her desires or she may never see her brother alive again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kasidy Blake
• Release date: Aug 21, 2014
• ISBN: 9781502235060

Book preview

PROLOGUE

Parker

One night was all it took to change my life.

Not only did I lose my parents, but I came damn close to losing my sister.

The end result? We lost our identities.

***

The night that took them from us started out just like any other and ended with them dying right before our eyes. We were trying to hide, but a bullet ricocheted and hit Lillian.

She was so brave; she didn’t make a peep. What four-year-old gets shot and doesn’t say anything for hours later? I couldn’t be more proud of her; I don’t know that I could have been that strong. Thankfully, she lived through it. From that moment on, we were inseparable; we were bound as siblings and best friends.

For a while, everything was okay. We weren’t living the perfect life anymore, but we were doing as well as we possibly could be, given our situation. She didn’t remember what happened, which was a miracle. I didn’t want the visions that haunted me to affect her, so I did what any good brother would do. I said I didn’t see anything. My story never changed; she must have been hit when we crawled back to our parents’ room to hide. We didn’t see anyone.

Since we didn’t know anything, we were safe. I would kill to go back to that feeling of safety.

Then she started to remember. Lillian would be just having a great time playing one minute, then screaming at the top of her lungs the next. She started talking about what she was remembering. She started going to a counselor and, well, the bastard sold us out to Gessati. I used to have thoughts of revenge on the chicken shit, but he turned up in the river a few months later... Cause of death; unknown.

Now Lillian and I run for our lives. It isn’t as glamorous as it sounds. We are not who we were or who we could have been. Instead, we’re at the mercy of the FBI Witness Protection Unit; our identities have been assigned to us. I know one day this will all come down to some epic battle. Because of that, I am doing, and will continue to do, everything I can to fight for her. She deserves a real life.

CHAPTER ONE

Lillian

I am sitting by myself in the corner, looking out the window and people-watching. I have come to enjoy my time alone, looking on as people live their normal lives. It’s kind of funny, because that is basically all that I have, alone time. I guess I should be thankful that I haven’t gotten bored with myself yet.

I sit here in my own bubble, just observing, and if I am honest, I’m envious of the interactions that people have with each other. I don’t develop relationships with anyone other than Parker. I learned at a young age not to let anyone pass my walls; it’s not worth it. So here I sit, with the life that Gessati has forced on me, watching how normal people act with each other. Boyfriends and girlfriends lean in for a kiss. Friends sit across a table from each other, laughing. I purposely don’t make friends, and I will continue to tell myself that I don’t need to. This is who I am now. I am a loner, destined to live out my life by myself. Well, I have Parker, too.

Gracie, what are you doing? Parker asks while setting his food down next to mine.

I look at him and give him a smile. Oh, you know, just a little of this, and a whole lot of nothing, as usual. He chuckles at me and my poor me statement.

Hey, Grace? There is a party tonight at one of my friend’s houses, and I was just wondering if you would like to, maybe, go?

I look at him and wonder why he always asks me like he is afraid of my answer. He acts like I am about to rip his head off just for asking. I mean, I will say no, but he doesn’t have to be so scared. I always say no with a smile.

Oh! Boy, you know, Par-, I, um, I mean, William, I would really love to, but I can’t. I have to, um, wash my hair. I shrug and give him my best look for yeah, nice try, never going to happen, I don’t know why you bother, with a smile.

Grace!

I had looked out again toward the window, and his tone made me jump. I turn to look at him and his face shows me that he is really angry. I groan internally, realizing why he freaked out. I know he is going to lecture me, even though I didn’t mean to do it. It’s called an accident for a reason.

You almost slipped again, Gracie. I beg you please, please be careful. We just got here, and I am so sick of moving. Great, please keep laying on the guilt.

Sorry, William, I really am trying so hard not to slip, but you have to underst— I stop mid-sentence. Well, I think I was saying something. My tongue now feels fat and I couldn’t say anything if I wanted to. I am looking, okay, no, I am staring out the window. My full attention is focused on a boy, no, a man who must be lost. This town doesn’t grow men who look like him, not that I know of, anyway. If they do, maybe I will work a lot harder to keep from slipping up. This man is well-toned and thick with muscles. My mouth goes completely dry, which has never happened to me before, and I am sure I have no idea in hell what that means.

Earth to Gracie, come in Gracie!

GRACIE! He yells a little louder than needed while shaking me.

WHAT?! I snapped back.

What are you looking at so hard out there?

Nothing, absolutely nothing. What were we talking about?

Ha-ha, nice try... move so I can see who is out there and who seems to have captured Gracie Holloway’s eye. Then he mumbled under his breath as if I couldn’t hear him sitting right next to me. Never thought I’d see the day.

I slapped him on the arm, and before he could look, the man in question turned around. I froze. I completely froze, and I think I may have just dry-heaved a little. Not because he wasn’t as good looking in the front as he was from the back, because his front is amazing as well. I froze because, well, I know him.

Shit! Is that Braxton? It is! Damn it, Lil, what did you do this time?

He did not just fucking say that to me! I am so sick of this. I turned to stare at him and I am pretty sure my look alone could have killed him. He better not say another word about me screwing this up, but if my look alone wasn’t enough, I’ll be sure to inform him how much he just screwed up.

Really, William? What did I do? I haven’t fucking done anything. For goodness sakes, we have been here, what, a week? In that time have I even so much as talked to another human? No! However, you are mister social and have friends who invite you to parties. Maybe you are the one who screwed up this time.

Finishing my rant, my eyes dart quickly to the window. My brain starts frantically searching for the last time I saw Braxton. What was it, five years ago? He wasn’t nearly as built and he had braces and acne. I mean, I know people change, but damn!

Parker clears his throat and I look back over at him. He has guilt and embarrassment flashing all over his face, and I feel guilty for yelling at him.

Sorry, Gracie, I know I shouldn’t have accused you. I am just so sick of this shit. You are right though; I need to be more discreet.

He then turns to me and whispers, Didn’t you know? Braxton has joined the force; it seems to agree with him well... He lets the last word linger while a small smile spreads across his face causing me to groan loudly.

Look William, I saw him from behind, seriously, I had no idea it was him. I mean, you must admit he looks way different. Besides that, now that he has turned around, and I can see the rest of him, it was really nothing; possibly the way the sun was hitting him or something. Braxton is, well, Braxton. You know he is the same as always; you can add a few new muscles and a badge, but that will just make him worse. I can bet he just thinks he is top shit, which means his attitude has not changed. Trust me, it was nothing.

I finish my rambling plea, hoping he won’t read too much into my initial reaction to Braxton, and realize I wasn’t looking at him. I was looking to the door directly behind him, waiting for Braxton to walk in. I glance at Parker and see an amused look; a laugh is about to burst out of him. That could only mean one thing.

I just pray he didn’t hear my speech. Hi, Braxton. I sigh.

Well, hello to you too, Chicken Little. What was nothing?

My body stiffens on its own. He is right behind me. I can feel his breath in my ear, and apparently my body is hyperaware of Brax. That is a new development. I turn to give him my signature glare but lock onto his amazing hazel eyes. How could I forget how mesmerizing they were?

I remember when we were kids and I got a mood ring. I thought it was really cool. Braxton, however, said that it was nothing special because he had mood eyes. Back then I didn’t really get it, but now the colors of his eyes are showing some emotion, one I have never seen before on him. They aren’t the normal blue/green I am used to seeing; they are grey, so grey they could almost be black. I must have done something really bad this time because eyes that dark could only reflect one emotion – he must be extremely pissed off. I don’t understand what I could have done. I am having trouble thinking straight with him staring at me the way he is, so I can’t figure it out. I can’t think back to this past week to even try to remember where I slipped up. He continues staring and searching my eyes like he doesn’t have a clue who I am. Well, I don’t know who I am either, so at least we are on even ground there.

He abruptly shakes his head and stands up. I can’t help but look him up and down – the first look wasn’t enough, it was too quick. His face has sharp lines and his hair is very dark; it’s much shorter than before. I suppose he had to cut his shaggy hair when he joined the force.

He is staring at me while I look him over, and it’s making me warm all over from the inside, causing me to shift uncomfortably in my spot. I let my gaze look past his face; trying to calm my body down, and follow his muscles down his arms and down his stomach. I think I can see a well-defined 6-pack through his shirt. Yeah, it isn’t only his eyes that are making me warm and uncomfortable. I start giggling like a crazy person and shaking my head. Why would someone wear a shirt that tight? I stop giggling when Braxton interrupts me.

We need to go somewhere to talk now.

He practically growled it and now I am on edge. Well, more on edge then I was. He reaches down and grabs me by my arm, pulling me up, and starts dragging me, signaling for Parker to follow.

Oh... Hell... No...! He just pissed me the hell off. I am not a child; there is no reason to manhandle me. I rip my arm free and grab my things. There is nothing that could piss me off more than treating me like I’m weak. I grab my lunch, I will be damned if I’m forced to move and I have to do it on an empty stomach again.

Once I get back to the table, I gather my things. The dick was going to leave all my stuff here? What is his problem? I turn and huff past Braxton and Parker and head to the Library. The look on Parker’s face tells me he knows I am pissed off and he should back off. In the library, I head to one of the study rooms so we can have some privacy.

I slam the door closed behind us and wince – that was probably not the best thing to do in a library. I turn to Braxton and my anger has not cooled at all on the walk over here.

I don’t care who the fuck you think you are now, Brax, but the next time you put your hands on me like that will be the last. Do. You. Understand? I said the last three words very slowly; I wanted them to really sink in.

Lillian, I am sorry, we just needed to talk and you, you were staring at me strangely.

What?

Ugh. I wasn’t staring at you strangely. I was just surprised to see you, that’s all. Why the hell have you graced us with your presence? I swear, little Gracie has not said a single word about Lillian and Parker. When did you join the fuzz, anyway?

He takes in my mini version of twenty questions and thinks for a while prior to responding.

Well, I am here gracing you with my presence because I know your story, I know who you are. It seems pretty damn logical that they would assign me to your case. I have been assigned to it my whole life whether I wanted to be or not. As for you screwing up this identity, no, as far as we can tell you haven’t. There are, however, some things that are going on that have caused us to intervene.

What things?

Things that at this point I am not-

Not at liberty to say, yeah we know the drill. Just tell us what you can, bro, Parker interrupts.

He seems a bit off. I am actually kind of surprised he spoke up. I mean, I was going to say the same thing, but I am a bitch nowadays and Parker has always been respectful. Maybe it’s because it’s just Braxton.

Well, guys, he clears his throat. This can’t be good. Well, you see, we need to try to change things up a bit. Apparently, there is some buzz around that you guys have been found out again. Gessati’s people seem to have noticed you.

What could they do differently? I regret the words as they leave my mouth. I am more than certain I do not want to hear his answer.

Well, you guys are not necessarily going to like it.

Fuck.

Spit it out, Braxton, I say with a slightly impatient tone. Parker has gotten closer to me, almost like he is prepared to protect me and I love him even more for it. Even though there isn’t an acute threat, I love that he is always prepared.

Braxton turns and looks only at me with sadness in his eyes. Yeah, I am really not going to like this. Well, Lil, Park, we, well, the department has decided that maybe it would be better for you both – that we could protect you both better if, well...

He stops and clears his throat again, the next words coming out are barely above a whisper. If we, umm, separated you.

This time, Parker straightens his shoulders and pushes his chest out in a protective stance being full-on alpha male. You can’t look at him and not tell he is fucking pissed. I smile a little inside because I know that no matter what, my brother will not let this happen.

"No fucking way Brax, there is no fucking way. I don’t care what you guys say. I will not, will not, leave her unprotected."

I scoff at this. I mean, yeah, I don’t want to be separated, but it’s not because I am afraid to be alone. I can take care of myself just fine. What I am unhappy about is not having Parker with me anymore. He is the only person I have left. I hate feeling weak and vulnerable and the tears that are threatening to break free are pissing me off. I refuse to let them fall.

***

Braxton

I must say that when I joined the force, I didn’t imagine this is where I would end up. I was obviously delusional; there was nowhere else I would have ended up. I don’t know why I would think otherwise. I honestly wanted nothing to do with witness protection. Being surrounded by it my whole life, I wanted something different. But here I am, rifling through my best friend and his younger sister’s stuff. I felt okay going through Parker’s stuff. I suppose I should since we shared a room for so long. Besides the porno mags under his mattress, not much has changed.

Lillian’s room, however, seems a bit harder. She had always stuck to herself, so I didn’t really know all the things she liked growing up. Looking at her dorm room now, I still wouldn’t be able to fucking tell you what she liked. There is nothing personal about it. Her bedding is pink, could that be her favorite color? I am unsure why this kind of bothers me.

After grabbing all her chick stuff out of this shithole that is supposed to be a bathroom and wardrobe I head toward her dresser. By looking at how her room is all organized, I decide she would probably prefer if I continued to keep things in order. I reach the dresser, pulling open the