Wild Awake

By Hilary T. Smith

In Wild Awake, Hilary T. Smith's exhilarating and heart-wrenching YA debut novel, seventeen-year-old Kiri Byrd has big plans for her summer without her parents. She intends to devote herself to her music and win Battle of the Bands with her bandmate and best friend, Lukas. Perhaps then, in the excitement of victory, he will finally realize she's the girl of his dreams.

But a phone call from a stranger shatters Kiri's plans. He says he has her sister's stuff—her sister, Sukey, who died five years ago. This call throws Kiri into a spiral of chaos that opens old wounds and new mysteries.

Like If I Stay and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Wild Awake explores loss, love, and what it means to be alive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
• Release date: May 28, 2013
• ISBN: 9780062184702

Hilary T. Smith

Hilary T. Smith lives in Portland, Oregon, where she studies North Indian classical music and works on native plant restoration. She is the author of Wild Awake.

Book preview

chapter one

It’s the first day of summer, and I know three things: One, I am happy. Two, I am stoned. Three, if Lukas Malcywyck’s T-shirt was any redder I would lean over and bite it like an apple.

Lukas and I are sitting in his basement, which is my favorite place in the entire world. Last summer, we covered the walls and ceiling with carpet remnants we found behind the Flooring World on South Granville and strung up yellow Christmas lights to replace the nasty fluorescents. Now, it’s our band room. Lukas’s drum kit is set up in one corner, and there’s a stand for my synth.

Except at the moment, I’m holding the synth in my lap and making laser noises while Lukas sits beside me on the blue couch. His arms, sculpted from hours of drumming and daily man-yoga, are draped over the cushions, and his eyes are bright with strategy.

We need a new band name, he says.

What’s wrong with Snake Eats Kitten?

Too jokey, says Lukas. I was thinking Sonic Drift.

I twist the knobs on my synth, then stab a key. It makes a sound like a xylophone crossed with an atomic bomb. I plunk out a xylobomb version of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.

Lukas cringes. "Do you have to do that?"

I ignore him and keep playing.

Sonic Drift sounds like music for dead people, I say. It’s too— I fish around for the word, a task rendered more difficult by the fact that my brain keeps getting distracted by the soft electric twinkle of the Christmas lights on the walls. Too conceptual, I finish with a scholarly twirl of my hand. It’s like something you’d read in a textbook.

Lukas sits up. Exactly. It’s abstract. It sounds like the name of a serious band.

It sounds like the name of a pretentious band. Snake Eats Kitten is accessible. You were there Saturday night—people loved it.

"People thought it was funny. There’s a difference."

I lean over to put my synth on the floor. There’s a box of old books next to the couch marked DONATE. I pull it over. Is your mom giving these away?

I paw through them and pull out one called The Adolescent Depression Workbook. Lukas’s mom is a social worker, and their house is crammed with stuff like this. The book’s cover shows a goth girl sitting against a brick wall, her kohl-rimmed eyes gazing out from beneath the edge of her tattered black hood. She’s holding—absurdly—a graphing calculator. Like she ran a few equations, found out the world is more effed than you can possibly imagine, and is just chilling by this brick wall, waiting for the zombies to arrive. I open it up and flip through the pages. Okay, Lukas, I’m going to test your level of adolescent depression.

Come on, Kiri.

I thought you wanted something deep. This’ll help us dig into our psyches. I give Lukas my best psychiatrist look. In the past fourteen days, have you felt worthless?

Can you be serious for one second? says Lukas. We need a better name before the semifinals.

He tries to snatch the book away from me, but I pull it out of his reach.

"This is serious. Don’t you want to find out if you’re depressed?"

Lukas lunges across the couch and tries to wrestle the book out of my hands. With his body that close I can smell the lavender laundry detergent on his T-shirt, the eco-friendly stuff his mom buys. I take a big sniff while he pries my fingers off the book. Lovely.

Lukas, Kiri, dinner’s ready, calls Lukas’s mom from upstairs.

At the word dinner, I relinquish my hold on the book and Lukas tosses it to the floor. Goth Girl lands facedown on the carpet. Sorry, Goth Girl. Good luck with the zombies.

I still say Sonic Drift, Lukas says as we tromp upstairs.

All right, Sonny Bono. Take a chill pill.

Upstairs, Lukas’s mom is taking some kind of scalloped-potato thing out of the oven. The edges of the sliced potatoes are golden brown and swimming in cream. Petra Malcywyck sees me and waves.

"Kiri, piekna, would you grab me that oven mitt?"

I get it for her, and she lifts the casserole dish out of the oven and sets it on top of the stove. Lukas disappears into his room to change. He claims that drumming makes him sweaty, although I’ve never seen nor smelled nor tasted anything resembling sweat on Lukas’s perfect body.

How is your summer, Kiri? How are you surviving in that house all by yourself?

Mrs. Malcywyck—Petra—is Polish and a total babe despite being in her early fifties and having completely gray hair. She has a really high voice but a serious manner, like Minnie Mouse addressing the United Nations.

It’s been good so far. I’m getting a ton of practicing done.

Which reminds me I need to go home soon and practice some more. I thought about telling Lukas I didn’t have time for Battle of the Bands on top of the International Young Pianists’ Showcase, but when a golden sex god begs you to make the musical equivalent of hot, sweaty love with him, it’s pretty hard to say no.

It doesn’t bother you at night to be alone? says Petra.

I smile brightly. Nope.

Petra furrows her brow and mutters something in Polish. When your mother told me they were planning to do this trip, I said to her she must be crazy.

As we speak, my parents are on Day Four of the twenty-fifth-anniversary cruise they’ve been planning for years. It’s their first time going anywhere, ever, and they fretted over it like they were expecting a baby: shopping for Travel Clothes, reading Travel Books, taking a whole rainbow of Travel Pills for the obscure and possibly imaginary tropical diseases they would otherwise almost certainly contract abroad. My brother, Denny, was supposed to come home from college to stay with me, but at the last minute he decided to spend his summer torturing sea urchins at the marine biology lab instead.

My parents’ decision to leave me at home alone is a sensitive subject with Lukas’s mom, who believes—to paraphrase—that they are one trill short of a sonatina.

Petra takes down olive oil and balsamic vinegar from a shelf and starts making vinaigrette for the salad.

And what will you eat? she says.

I eat cereal.

And what will you eat with this cereal?

Soymilk and a banana.

Judging by the look she gives me, I might as well have said I was eating my cereal with malt liquor and Adderall. She shakes her head and whacks the salad tongs against the side of the bowl.

I am afraid you will starve to death with this cereal. This can go to the table.

I take the salad bowl and carry it to the kitchen table. Besides the scalloped potatoes and salad, there’s fresh bread and butter, green beans, and a plate of roast chicken. How Lukas manages to be so skinny while eating Petra’s cooking every day is a mystery on par with metaparticles.

And what will happen if you hit your head on the floor?

I’m trying to figure out how, exactly, I would manage to hit my head on the floor, when Lukas comes out of his room in a fresh pair of jeans and a white T-shirt, and I’m still high enough that I just gaze at him while Petra calls Lukas’s dad in from his study for dinner.

After a dinner full of typical Malcywyck-family repartee over the fine distinction between electrosoul and electrofunk as pertaining to various obscure seventies bands, Lukas and I load the dishwasher while Petra packs enough leftovers to last me a month. By the time she’s finished, the stack of Tupperware is practically scraping the ceiling. She packs them into two canvas grocery bags and hands them to me.

Take this home. You will eat something besides this banana and cereal.

When I say thanks, Petra squints at me. You will call if there is anything wrong?

Yes.

You will lock the doors?

Yes.

She holds my gaze a few seconds longer. Petra has this way of looking at you that makes you want to confess things you didn’t even know you were hiding. It’s a social worker trick, and if you’re not careful, it’ll nail you every time. She burned me with it last fall when I was so stressed out over auditions for the Showcase, I started crying at their kitchen table. I had to grin like a freaking used-car salesman every time I saw her for weeks after that to convince her I wasn’t some kind of Depressed Teen like Goth Girl on the book downstairs.

I give her a dopey smile. No problems here, lady.

You want to stay for a while and watch TV? says Lukas.

Uh-uh. I need to get home and practice.

Petra crosses her arms.

Kiri. You are sure you don’t want to stay?

I hesitate. Lukas’s dad puts his hands on Lukas’s shoulders and squeezes them, waiting for my answer.

Something about that gesture that makes my heart twinge, and for one disorienting moment I’m aware of myself, standing in their kitchen, loaded down with containers of their food. This is not your family.

I think about my parents snug in their Luxury Berth, and Denny snug in his lab.

I think about the practice schedule I taped to the lid of the piano this morning, with lesson days filled in with yellow highlighter and self-imposed deadlines (memorize Bach; bring Chopin up to speed; play entire recital with eyes closed) circled in blue.

I think about the grocery money Mom left on top of the fridge, and the taped-up reminders to water the azaleas and take out the recycling.

I smile at Petra and shake my head.

No thanks, I say.

I spend the six-block walk planning which piece I’ll tackle first when I get home. But when I put my key in the front door, I can hear the telephone ringing inside.

And that’s when things get weird.

chapter two

Hello?

I drop the bags of leftovers on the floor and press the phone to my ear. It’s probably Petra calling to make sure I made it home safely, even though you can barely put in a pair of ear-buds in the time it takes to walk from Lukas’s house to mine. I roll my eyes, getting ready to deliver my nightly report on the state of the deadbolts.

But instead of Petra’s authoritative chirp, I hear a long, rasping garkle.

Great. It’s one of Dad’s clients.

Byrd residence, I say, this time in the drippy professional tone my dad prefers us to use in situations like this.

There’s another long pause. I hear someone coughing.

Finally, the old coot speaketh.

I want to talk to Al.

Is this concerning a home health-care equipment rental issue? I coo.

Silence. Then, I said, is Al Byrd there?

He sounds just like my grandpa Bob used to sound on the phone—suspicious, almost hostile, like he doesn’t quite trust that the person on the other end of the line is really who they claim to be and not an imposter.

He’s busy at the moment. May I take a message?

I pick up a pen and doodle on the message pad.

Date: heart.

Time: star.

Caller: stick figure with a long, squiggly beard.

May I ask who’s calling? I say.

There’s another pause, as if my words are reaching him after a long delay.

This is Doug Fieldgrass.

I draw a row of tulips in the Message field. Then a swarm of bees. Taking detailed and accurate phone messages is a serious matter, as Mom and Dad reminded me about a million times before they left.

Doug Fieldgrass, whoever he is, clears his throat.

Listen, this is Al Byrd’s number, right? Sukey’s old man?

At the name Sukey, my attention snaps back to the phone. Sukey’s my sister. My dead sister. The one we never, ever talk about.

Uh, yeah, I stammer. Yes. This is the right number. I attempt to regain some of my well-practiced Telephone Poise. May I ask what this is concerning?

I’m just trying to keep myself from freaking out, but even I can hear how coldly impersonal those words sound, how carefully neutral the tone of voice. What am I doing? I stand up straight. My fingers tighten around the pen.

Doug? You there? I’m Kiri. I’m Sukey’s sister.

There’s a rustling, scratching noise like Doug just dropped the phone.

Aw, hell, I hear him mutter.

There’s a loud beep.

The line goes dead.

For one whole minute I stand there frozen with the phone in my hand, and in that minute I’m twelve again, called downstairs from my bedroom to hear the terrible news. I can smell the lasagna that was baking for dinner, hear the music I’d left playing upstairs, feel the shock of pain as sure and sudden as a yanked-out tooth before Mom and Dad had even said a word.

A trapped fly buzzes in the window and the fridge hums as it cycles on. I come to my senses and punch the call-return button. After two rings, there’s a muffled click.

Lissen, slurs Doug. I ain’t going to call again. You want her stuff, you get yourself down here and take it. This place is shutting down soon, and I don’t have a lot of time.

What stuff? I say, no longer trying to hide my agitation. Who are you?

He says a few words I can’t make out, something about Sukey’s things in a closet. I bite back my frustration. Freaking ENUNCIATE, dude. But I know if I snap, he’ll hang up again.

Where are you? I say, wrestling my voice into a strained semblance of patience.

He mumbles an address. I grab the message pad and scribble it down.

Columbia? What’s the cross street?

I’ll wait outside the building, he says, and hangs up the phone.

I stare at the address I’ve just written. Columbia Street is all the way downtown. My parents still won’t let me drive a car by myself because of Sukey’s accident—though they’ll never admit that’s the reason—and it’s easily a half-hour bike ride away. The idea of going is so absurd, so completely and totally out of the question, it stuns me temporarily. My brain flops like a fish at the bottom of a boat.

I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t.

But screw it. It’s for Sukey. I grab my house key off the counter and go.

chapter three

I wheel my bike out of the garage and hop on. As I pedal down the street, my stomach tingles like I just ate a whole bag of Pop Rocks. I can’t explain how urgent this feels. How breathless I am, not even counting the hills. As I charge up the bridge that crosses to downtown, I can hear the clinking of sailboat masts in the marina below. Ahead of me, the glittering angles of downtown beckon dangerously, like a drawer full of knives. I barrel through the intersection as the light turns yellow and glide up the store-lined street.

In a way, I feel like I’m going to see Sukey herself, not some questionable acquaintance who drunk-dialed my house. I imagine her standing on the corner, waiting for me in her zebra-print jacket and jeans.

Hey, Kiri-bird, she’d say. I hear you’re in a band.

It’s just me and my boyfriend, I’d say modestly, although Lukas and I aren’t officially dating, not yet.

That’s rad, Kiri. You got a demo for me?

In my imagination, I’m finally as cool as her, not a pathologically chirpy ten-year-old who turns red every time she drops an f-bomb.

Look at you biking around at night, she’d say with a mischievous tilt of her chin. You’re turning into a little badass.

As I pedal down the street, I can almost smell Sukey’s hair spray on the breeze, catch a whiff of her strawberry bubblegum. Around me, the city blocks peel away like pages in a book I’m rifling through to find a single, highlighted sentence. But when I pass the Woodward’s building with its giant red W lit up with yellow bulbs, I slow down and skid to a stop.

Here’s where things get tricky.

This particular block of West Hastings Street marks a not-so-invisible boundary between downtown proper and the seventh circle of hell. Keep going past the big W and you’re in the Downtown Eastside, a place to which every creepy metaphor has already been applied: It’s the urine-smelling haunted house in the city’s squeaky-clean carnival, the one demented fang in its professionally whitened smile. Not a place you want to be after dark unless you’re scoring heroin or shooting a Gritty Documentary.

Not a place I expected to be after dark, either. Wasn’t Columbia supposed to be a few blocks back?

I keep riding east, pedaling so slowly my bike starts to wobble. I can see crowds of homeless people ahead, thick knots of them. From a distance, they almost look like nightclubbers: the same unsteady motions and drunken shouts, the odd woman in a short skirt and smeared makeup lurching down the street in high heels. I don’t want to keep going, but somehow my bicycle carries me forward, its tires whispering against the pavement, until I’m stopped at the intersection.

While I’m waiting for the light to change, this dude on a rusty kiddie bike pulls up next to me. He’s wearing an old jacket with faded green sleeves. He has sandy yellow hair and caved-in cheeks, and he looks like a cadaverous duck.

Nice ride, he says.

I fiddle with my gear charger. Thanks.

Got a smoke?

Sorry.

He grimaces, gives his bike a kick-start, and wobbles through the intersection against the red light. I watch him go, trying to quiet the alarm bells clanging inside my chest. Don’t freak out. He wasn’t going to hurt you. The light changes to green. I start to ride through, but instead, I make a ragged right turn and pedal up Gore Avenue into Chinatown. Somehow, the sight of the red lampposts makes me feel safer, as if the Chinese dragons carved into them can protect me from the freak show going on a block away.

By now it’s past dark, and I’m mad at myself for coming down here without looking up directions first. I thought I knew where Columbia Street was, and I was sure it came before Main Street, but now for all I know I’ve been riding parallel to it this whole time.

Should have called Lukas. Should have tried Mom and Dad. Shouldn’t have come down here at all.

I’m so busy debating whether I should just go home that I don’t notice the broken glass on the road when I ride right through it. I hardly hear the soft hissing sound of my back tire deflating. Nope—I don’t notice anything until the thump of my rim riding the pavement jerks me back into reality.

I get off my bike and drag it onto the sidewalk to inspect the damage.

The back tire is completely flat. When I run my fingers around it, I find a tiny green shard of glass lodged in the rubber.

Shit. Shitshitshit.

I start walking, dragging my bike beside me like an awkward, clomping, injured horse. It thumps along beside me, but I try not to slow down. As dodgeball has taught us: Slowness shows weakness. Weakness means a ball in the face.

I don’t think I need to elaborate any further.

A couple more guys on bikes reel past me, carrying bulging garbage bags full of empty pop cans on their backs.

Hey! I shout after them. Where’s Columbia Street?

The one on the left turns his head. He’s wearing a denim jacket with a black hoodie underneath. With the trash bag on his back, he looks like a punk-rock janitor.

Two blocks thataway.

Thanks.

He gives me a lopsided salute, and they disappear around a corner. I hurry my bike in the direction he pointed. When I see the green sign that says COLUMBIA in white letters, my knees go loose and weak. I recognize this place. I don’t know why, but I do. Something about the red brick buildings makes my memory spit and cough like an engine that can’t quite start up. I stand still, straining my ears, as if someone might whisper the answer.

Nothing. Just car sounds, tree-hush, the hoots and squeals of police cars two blocks away.

My hand moves to my pocket for the piece of paper with the address, but it’s not there. I check the other pocket. Empty. I rack my brains for the street number, but draw a blank.

Suddenly, this doesn’t feel like an adventure anymore.

Actually, it feels a lot like I’m standing on a sketchy block in the Downtown Eastside with a flat tire and no idea where I’m supposed to be or who I’m supposed to be meeting.

Nice work, Kiri. Way to be a badass.

I’ve stopped in front of a Chinese grocery store with a metal screen pulled down over it for the night. There’s a bakery next to it, and across the street there’s a six-story brick building with an old plastic sign above the door that says IMPERIAL HOTEL. There’s some classy-looking buttressing around the first-floor windows, but whatever its former glory, it now looks like a National Register of Historic Places building crossed with a meth lab.

Where are you? I plead silently, but Sukey doesn’t answer, and Doug doesn’t appear.

There’s a pair of crouched figures in the doorway of the hotel who look at me and mutter to each other in a way I don’t like. A moment later, one of them takes out a needle and starts shooting up right in front of me.

Just when I think things can’t get any more messed up, the yellow-haired homie who asked me for a cigarette at East Hastings rolls up on his bicycle and hovers next to me, his body so close I can smell the stale sweat on his jacket.

Can I ask you a personal question? he says to me with breath so thick with liquor it makes my head spin.

I strangle my handlebars.

I’d rather you didn’t, dude.

His face twists up.

You’re an uptight pussy.

That’s it. That takes the freaking cake. I grab my bike and run the hell away from Columbia Street.

chapter four

Got a flat?

The guy who just spoke to me is standing outside a club where a speed metal band is thrashing away. I can hear the muffled bass and shrieking vocals, like they’re murdering something onstage. I nod without making eye contact, thinking, I’ve dealt with enough sketchy dudes for one night. I feel like I’ve been trudging along for hours, but I’ve only just made it back to the part of East Cordova Street where I can finally stop pretending to be holding a can of pepper spray.

His voice wafts after me. I’ve got a spare tube at my place. If you need it.

I tell myself this is some kind of sleazy trick to get me to go home with him, but I can’t help glancing back

Reviews for Wild Awake

[librarycin · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Kiri’s parents are away on a cruise and have left her on her own. I think she’s 17? She is part of a musical duo with her best friend, Lukas, and they have Battle of the Bands coming up. Kiri is also a very good piano player and has a test(? competition?) coming up. When she receives a strange phone call about her (long-dead) sister, she learns something (big) her parents never told her about her sister’s death. This starts a series of events that has Kiri spiralling out of control. I didn’t like Kiri, nor many of the choices she made. The book became kind of chaotic as we moved more and more toward the end. I did like the Vancouver setting – it’s always fun recognizing places. I also thought the idea of Kiri never learning what she does about her sister’s death until the start of this book (5 years later) is pretty unrealistic. I can’t imagine she wouldn’t have heard it somewhere, even if not from her parents or brother. The book still (at least more at the start and throughout the first half or so) interested me enough to consider it “ok”.

[itsbookishme · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Wild Awake was a very fast paced and thrilling read. Right from the beginning the narration set the tone of what I was getting myself into. The story follows seventeen year-old Kiri Byrd, home alone while her parents are on a cruise she discovers her parents lied to her about her sister’s death. Her sister’s death was not an accident, but a murder. Kiri idolized her older sister, Sukey, so learning this and other subsequent revelations, triggered a mental breakdown which in turn sent Kiri into a tailspin of drug use, neglectfulness, making bad decisions, and suffering severe manic episodes.

Kiri was basically alone to deal with her breakdown and it was hard seeing her suffer not knowing she needed help. A person with mental illness will probably not be able to diagnose themselves and probably won’t believe you if you tell them they need help, so I couldn’t completely blame Kiri for the stupid decisions she was making. Kiri’s parents’ lack of sense of urgency when told that Kiri is possibly using drugs and might have had a nervous breakdown, really frustrated me. They are the naive with blinders on kind of parents, I really, truly believe her parents are irresponsible idiots. They don’t like to deal with the tough stuff so they go into denial.

All the things that Kiri did trying to reconnect with her dead sister after leaning how she died could have gotten her killed. I thought she was very lucky, wish I could have seen that she got that and that her parents were going to wise up and get her the help she needed. Unfortunately, the confrontation with her parents was just glossed over and I have no clue if they get how lucky they are Kiri didn’t end up like her sister. If it wasn’t for Lukas’ mom’s knowledge and ability to recognize mental illness, things could have been worse.

One of the things I liked about this book was the inclusion of all the varied characters that Kiri came into contact with while trying to reconnect with her sister. They’re the kind of people her parents might have actually freak out over, if they knew Kiri was spending time with them.

Audiobook
The audiobook worked for me, but I’ve read a few reviews that describes the written book’s style of writing to be either great, unusual, interesting, or just not a fan of it. From listening to it I can see how those feelings are so varied. My reaction was more from feelings, and yes, at first I felt like the story was running away from me and I needed to catch up. Eventually I got a handle on it, after being frustrated with the protagonist I eventually started to sympathize instead.

The rapidness of this story, some very interesting characters, and a few heartbreaking and touching parts, made me curiously anxious to see where it would go. So overall I think it was a good read that kept me so absorbed that I listened to it non-stop with a few breaks here and there in one sitting.

[heatherlinc · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This book is certainly a wild read dealing with obsession, murder, grief and mental illness. Kiri is a talented musician but, one night after an unexpected phone call, her life starts to quickly spin out of control. Told from her point of view, I didn't really like Kiri, her actions were too manic - smoking weed, consuming alcohol, midnight bike rides, all-nighters, taking pills from strangers and so on. Throughout the book her voice becomes more and more frantic as she tries unsuccessfully to keep her life together. However, having a close family member with a mental illness, I found her very believable. My favourite character is definitely Skunk who has issues of his own. He is an endearing, unique character, especially for a love interest, and is quirky, shy, kind and a big teddy-bear. I really liked how the author gradually explained Skunk's back story and finally gave him redemption. However, the weakest link in the story, for me, is the absence of Kiri's parents, which was just too convenient."Wild Awake" is a gritty, emotional read which teens will either hate or love.

[edgoldberg · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Kiri is spending July alone at home while her parents are on a month long anniversary cruise. WildAwakeHer older brother is away at school. She is supposed to be practicing piano non-stop for a competition she’s entered. But one call upsets all of her plans.The call is from Doug Fieldgrass and he slurs “Lissen, I ain’t going to call again. You want her stuff (Kiri’s older sister Sukey who supposedly died in a car accident when Kiri was 10), you get yourself down here and take it.”Kiri is perplexed. She idolized her artist sister. She also knew that Sukey and her parents were at odds and Sukey was thrown out of the house. But no one ever speaks of Sukey. Kiri decides to track down Doug and find out what happened.Along the way she befriends Skunk, a guy a few years older, with his own problems.Wild Awake, Hilary T. Smith’s debut novel, is certainly an interesting read. However, I found the beginning slow going and by the end I just wanted to find out what happened, so I guess a little more editing might have been a good thing. Also, if it’s meant to be realistic fiction, there were some parts in which you have to suspend your belief and rely on imagination.

[brainannex · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

An OK read but not anything that really shook my bones.

[thehidingspot · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

When people ask me why I loved Wild Awake, I have a difficult time putting my reasons into words. This book is very different than any other contemporary YA book I've read, in a good, but indescribable way. For me, the most notable aspect of Hilary T. Smith's debut was how incredibly real it felt... so real, that, during the most intense passages when Kiri is in the depths of a mental breakdown, I had to take a deep breath, calm myself and steady my shaking hands.Wild Awake tells the story of Kiri, a budding classical pianist who also plays keyboard in the band she belongs to with her best friend, Lukas. Years prior, Kiri's sister, Sukey, the black sheep of the family and Kiri's hero, died in an accident. Kiri knows little about the event, only remembering her sister through girlhood memories, because Sukey is a taboo subject in the eyes of Kiri's parents and older brother. When Kiri's parents leave her home alone while on vacation, she thinks she'll accomplish all sorts of things in her time alone: she'll take her relationship with Lukas from friends to more than friends, she'll perfect the piece she must learn on piano, and she'll rock Battle of the Bands with Lukas. Things take an unexpected turn, however, when Kiri receives a call from a man claiming to be a one-time neighbor of Sukey... a man who says he has her "stuff." Though Kiri tries to write off the call, she's drawn to the things her sister has left behind. In no time at all, she's discovered that there's more to Sukey's story than anyone admits... and more to her own as well.I've attempted to find other books to compare to Wild Awake to better explain the tone and style of the novel, but the only acceptable comparison I came up with was the film Juno. Still, Juno is different in that it has laugh-out-loud moments. Wild Awake has a humor of sorts, but I never laughed aloud... But, as I read, I did picture scenes from the novel in the same sort of style as Diablo Cody's film. It tells the same sort of truths.The romance in Wild Awake felt different than anything else I've ever read as well. Again, real. The boy Kiri eventually falls for is far from perfect. To me, it didn't even feel like Smith romanticized anything. The romance, like the entire novel, just was. Kiri's experience like something that could happen to me, my best friend, or any other girl. I feel like I've completely failed at explaining how worthwhile of a read Wild Awake is, but, like I mentioned before, it's a book that truly defies simple explanations... which I suppose could quite possibly be reason enough to read it.(

[a_reader_of_fictions · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The Wild Awake audiobook turned out to be a lot of fun, largely because of the movie I played out in my head, one I probably would have loved when I was a teen, but more on that later.Why Did I Read This Book?Wild Awake got so many rave reviews from trusted reviewers, but even so I was a bit hesitant to read the book. Reason one was that I'm not much interested in books on drug use. Reason two is that a couple of people mentioned the style was sort of stream of consciousness, which I tend not to enjoy. Thus, I decided the audiobook would be a good way to not be bothered by the latter but still check out the book. This was a good choice for me.What's the Story Here?Kiri has been left alone for the summer while her parents go on a cruise. Her parents are seriously neglectful, because this Kiri spends the summer making terrible decisions: getting drunk, smoking pot, neglecting to practice for her piano recital, and mostly entering bad neighborhoods alone. Kiri has gone off the rails because she got a call from someone who said he had her dead sister's stuff. Since she idolized her sister Sukey, and learning so many things her family kept from her (like the fact that her sister was murdered and didn't die in a car crash) dredges up her emotions again and she's not prepared to handle that.How are the Characters?While I cannot say that I particularly liked Kiri, she did feel very real and very much like a teen. There was just something so naively unaware about Kiri and the way she approached life, and she did everything with so much sincerity. She truly had no idea that taking a whole bunch of pills after smoking pot and drinking alcohol was liable to end with her death. She just felt so young and innocent, even if she doesn't act that way most of the time. She and Skunk are the only ones who really get fleshed out, though, so I did feel like some of the characterization was lacking.And the Romance?Oh man, and I thought Piz was a horrible name for a love interest. We have a new winner! Skunk. Stinks, doesn't it? (*insert groans here*) Anyway, I actually liked Skunk, nickname and smoking aside, and his real name is Philippe, so he does have one. The two of them are both bad news bears and need to get on the straight and narrow. I don't think I want them to date forever, but they both needed someone to help them through some issues, so it was a good time for them. I didn't even mind that they instaloved, because Kiri thinks so many things that aren't true are true that it just felt like being young and stupid.And the Family Dynamics?This is where the story really lacked for me. There wasn't really ever a big confrontation with her family. She has a bit of an emotional arc with her older brother when he comes home to find her nearly dead, but her parents come home and just order her to see some shrinks. Like, really? That's it. Ugh. I just felt like there should have been MORE with all of that, since the central issue was Sukey, but the focus was more on Kiri's romance with Skunk, which was a bit unfortunate.How was the Narration?The narration totally delighted me, because McManus' voice sounds a lot like Christina Ricci, so I was picturing the whole book as a movie starring a young Christina Ricci, who totally would have been boss at this roll. Ricci was one of my favorite actresses back in the day because she shares my first name and was the only one to get to kiss a cute boy in Now and Then (even if she did grow up to be Rosie O'Donnell). Anyway, McManus does a good job capturing Kiri's youthful idealism.

[neysakristanti-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

[A hardback copy was provided by the publisher for review purpose. Thanks HarperCollins!]"The soul has a home of its own"—SukeyFrom looking at its title and cover, I first thought that this book would be a perfect light summer read about love and self-discovery. But although I was right about the love and self-discovery, it turned out that this book was way more serious than I first thought it was. And while it was not what I expected it to be, let's say it was not a bad surprise either.Wild Awake told us as Kiri spent her usual evening practicing bad on her friend's Lukas basement. Her parents were on vacation, and she had a plan to spend the whole summer doing perfection : practicing classic piano for her course, win The Battle of Band with Lukas, water her Mom's azalea, and being a good girl. But when she got home and received call from her sister's Sukey friend, who claimed he had her sister's things, Kiri's life started to go downhill. Because Sukey had been dead for five years. And what her parents said about the death may not be so true after all. As Kiri learned what really happened to her sister, and also falling in love with the mysterious Skunk, she also learned what it means to be alive. But what if the reality was not as pretty as the secluded world she had been living on her whole life?This book started off a bit slow for me, but quite early on the story, it finally picked up the pace and became really interesting. Starting with the mystery phone call, the truth behind Sukey's—Kiri's sister—death that had been buried for five years finally resurfaced, and it's up to Kiri to learn what really happened to Sukey, things she never had the chance to. I especially love how Hilary T. Smith unfolded the truth little by little, telling us a story about how Sukey was when she was alive and building our feelings for her, before telling us what really happened to her. The whole story really left an impact on me, as I felt really connected with Sukey, and the telling was not info-dump or stating-the-obvious-thing either. It also flowed well with Kiri's current life, and it really added the feeling that we're not really walking on the past either.Kiri as our main character, really had a strong and distinct voice. Her narration was really strong, and it gave us enough information about what going on around her, while still stayed true to her personality. One thing that really left an impression on me was her sarcastic inner thought, which I personally think, was really entertaining. The conflicts playing on her mind was also a perfect way to portray a teenage girl, and Kiri really managed to capture that I'm-living-my-life feeling we teenagers have.But, even thought her voice was brilliant, I found her became somewhat weird and a little bit annoying somewhere in the middle of this book. Sure, we would later know why. But while reading the part where she really became weird—and we weirded out—we have no idea what had happened to her. And while this weird things lasted a little bit long, I think it was kinda risky because that could make the readers feeling totally confused, and therefore decided to not read the book any further. Because, seriously, her narration made me feel stressed because she was kind of stressed and it was contagious, and it was just like, ugh.The other characters, however, was not as brilliant as Kiri. Skunk, our other main character, was honestly flat and uninteresting. It felt that his life only happened whenever Kiri was around, and while she wasn't, boom, feels like he just disappear. I can't imagine his life, what happened on an ordinary night when he and Kiri just live their own life separately, or whatever he was doing outside the story. He basically didn't seemed real enough for me, and for a main character like him, I think it was a big no-no quality.The side character was even worse. Denny—Kiri's brother—was really typical and literally unimaginable. His physic description was really lacking, his personality really standard, and his reaction way too typical. If only the side characters were even a little bit memorable, I would surely give this book four stars. Just, they weren't, at all, memorable or unique. Same thing goes to Lukas, Petra, Doug, and basically the whole casts beside Kiri and Skunk. And Sukey, because she was the one I found on par with Kiri. She was brilliant, and stood out, even with the fact that she was no longer around. I love how she tried to look strong and free and rebellious, but inside was just a scared girl trying to discover herself and what she really wanted in her life. And when Kiri's perception of her and the true reality about her clashed with each other, it also added a really nice effect that made it easy for me to sympathize and admire her even more.Aside from the part when Kiri became really weird, and also the sadly uninteresting side character, things I didn't like from this book was there were some things left unexplained. Sure, they were not a major point of the story, but they were not also small we could overlooked it either. Such as when Kiri was offered pills and she took it, what happened inside her body? Because I sure knew that was not just a pill, it's a 'pill' with quotation marks, and yet it didn't had any explained effect? Oh yeah. And what happened with Doug's leg? And where in hell did the alias Skunk came from? And so many more. It was such a little details, but those details are what made this story believable. And yet, they weren't explained.Overall, this book was quite a nice read, with a slow opening but it would suck you in after a few pages. The ending wrapped it nicely too, and if you're looking for a contemporary reads with a strong, distinct, and unique voice about love, music, self-discovery, and what it feels to be alive, you should definitely try this one.

[booktwirps · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Kiri has her summer all planned out. Her parents are gone for several weeks and her brother, Denny, decided not to come home for the summer, which means Kiri has the house all to herself. No one to tell her what to do, when to clean, when to wake up. Now she can enjoy most of her summer at leisure, and spend all the time she wants with her bandmate and best friend (and crush), Lukas, and practicing her piano pieces. But, a strange phone call from an anonymous stranger shatters Kiri’s plans. The man on the other end of the line tells Kiri he has some stuff that belonged to her sister, Sukey, who died in an accident a few years before. If someone doesn’t pick up the stuff, it will be gone forever, and Kiri desperately wants the stuff. So, she sets out to retrieve it, setting in motion a chain of events that will change her for good.I had several mixed emotions while reading this book. Some of it amazed me, and other parts of it maddened and even confused me. Regardless of all that, I can’t deny that Ms. Smith writes with a unique and wonderful voice. The prose fit the tone and the themes of the story beautifully. She perfectly captures Kiri’s voice and created some very unforgettable characters (more on that later). My only real gripe about the story was the plausibility of Kiri’s parents leaving her alone. Sure, the neighbors were home should she have any problems, and Denny was just a phone call away, but when we find out the mystery behind Sukey’s death, it made me really question why the parents would leave Kiri alone for so long. It just didn’t make sense to me. I know if I were a parent I would never do that (nor would my parents have done that).This is a very character driven piece and Ms. Smith does a wonderful job of creating layered, complex characters. There were times when I wanted to shake Kiri. She had so much going for her. She was a promising pianist and has a bright future ahead of her, yet she spent her days smoking weed (lots and lots of weed), and getting mixed up in some situations and with people that she shouldn’t have. The crazy thing is, even though I knew she sometimes shouldn’t be doing something and I wanted to stop her, I also wanted to egg her on. Then there were times when I wanted to hug her and help her. What I liked most about her character was, despite some questionable decisions, she felt honest and real. She may not have made all the right decisions, but I got her.I also really liked Skunk. I knew the minute Kiri ran into him and he helped her with her bike that there was something special about him. He was probably the most complex character in the book and one I will remember for a very long time.Erratic, unexpected, beautifully written and a bit maddening, Wild Awake really took me by surprise. If you like your contemporary reads to be full of depth and complex characters, I highly recommend this one.

[stephxsu · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

When a strange caller informs young pianist Kiri Byrd he has the remains of her dead sister’s stuff—a sister who had been dead for years—Kiri’s life turns upside down. Kiri struggles to piece together what she’s learning about her sister, but doing so sets her on a crash course towards a breakdown, and only by acknowledging it can Kiri hope to live with it, to make it a part of herself.With the weight of the expectations I placed upon its spine after declaring its synopsis to be one of the best I’d ever encountered, Hilary T. Smith’s debut novel WILD AWAKE had a lot to live up to. Fortunately, it was more than up to the task. WILD AWAKE reminded me of the best type of our favorite and revered Aussie YA: it’s whimsical and more than a little odd, but ultimately grounded in the solid reality of common emotions.WILD AWAKE has many strengths, one of which is its startling and beautiful prose. It startles you because Smith is, oftentimes, just noting in passing an everyday detail or thought—only she does so in a way that makes you pause and actually notice what you otherwise would not. The prose tinkles like water trickling over crystal. Its brightness combines with the darker undertones of Kiri’s situation for a full symphony of bass emotions and soprano wonder.From the start, Kiri as protagonist stands out. She is many things, has many identities—a serious pianist, a quipper; a dutiful daughter, a monomaniac—but she owns them all unabashedly, deliberately. Unlike other, forgettable YA protagonists who claim to be artists or rebels or whatever, Kiri doesn’t say: she just is, and that makes her being genuine. She’s unafraid to plunge herself into making mistakes, with the result that she gets more out of life than those who hang back. The times when she descends into a whirlwind of monomania are thrilling yet terrifying to read, because you see why she does it, why she needs to let herself go like that, and yet despite how seemingly carefree she is in those moments, you know it’s barely masking a deep, deep hurt. I desperately wish Kiri was real, because I think that her fearlessness, whether or not it’s enviable or reckless, would make me a better person.That being said, in the end, it’s difficult to say what this book is about. The synopsis emphasizes the mysterious circumstances of Kiri’s sister’s death, but besides for being the catalyst for what happens in the book, finding out more about Sukey and what happened to her becomes less and less of a priority as the book flows along, replaced by Kiri’s deterioriating mental state. Which is a fine direction for a story to go, but still, a little…disorienting.Nevertheless, WILD AWAKE was a story that lived up to its promises. It is more than the sum of its parts, more than just delectable prose, sympathetic character, and endearing family mystery. Go in with no anticipation of conventions, and enjoy the wild-awake ride.

[ewyatt_16 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

After Kiri finds out the truth after her sister's death, her carefully organized and disciplined life begins to unravel.

[darkfaerietales_1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Review courtesy of Dark Faerie Tales.Quick & Dirty: This was an interesting book that covered some very serious issues, but I found it to be a little bit weird and disturbing.Opening Sentence: It’s the first day of summer, and I know three things: One, I’m happy.The Review: Kiri Byrd has a bright future ahead of her. She is an amazing piano player and hopes to one day go to Julliard or another big art school. She is also in a band with her bestie Lukas, and they are getting ready to perform at a big competition. She has always had a crush on Lukas and she is hoping that this summer things will finally go beyond friendship with him. Her parents just recently left for a 6 week long cruise to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Kiri will be staying by herself during this time getting ready for a huge piano recital and the battle of the bands. Shortly after her parents leave she gets a disturbing phone call from a stranger stating he has some of her sister’s things. Kiri’s sister Sukey was killed in a car accident 5 years ago — at least that is what Kiri has always believed. Kiri decides to go and meet this man and get Sukey’s things back, but she discovers a lot more about her sister than she knew.It turns out Sukey was murdered all those years ago, and the place she lived in was a hole in the wall. Kiri always believed that Sukey was an artist and that she lived a very glamorous life, but in all actuality her sister was a drug addict that was messed up with a lot of bad people. As Kiri tries to deal with this new information about the sister she adored, and all the things that are going on in her life she starts to go a little crazy. She stops sleeping and starts to do drugs. She also meets a new boy that has some serious paranoia problems. She doesn’t really know what’s important in her life anymore and she risks everything she has ever worked for in the process. She doesn’t know if she can ever go back to normal or what normal even is anymore.So Kiri is our heroine in this book and I had a really hard time understanding her. She is very passionate about music and she uses that to escape her problems instead of facing them. She seems to do really stupid things and I felt that her consequences were slightly unreal. She reacts very emotionally to things and doesn’t really think about what her actions will do to herself or anyone else. The way that she dealt with her life was very stupid and naive of her. Instead of turning to people who care about her she turns to a boy she hardly knows and music. I had a really hard time connecting to her and understanding anything she did.This book was a weird read for me. It actually did keep me interested, but by the end I just felt that everything was left unresolved. The topics addressed in this book were very different from anything else I have ever read and I found them interesting yet disturbing at times. Overall, I can’t honestly say I really enjoyed this book. Maybe if it had ended differently I would have liked it better, I’m not really sure. The writing was well done, I just couldn’t really connect to the story or the characters at all. If you think the story sounds interesting go ahead and give it a try. You might have a very different opinion than I did.Notable Scene:“Doug? Why did you say there were cops?”He’s produced another beer from some hiding spot, and now he cracks it open. His bloodshot eyes are wandering.“Goddamn management didn’t hardly wait twenty-four hours before they stuck the next person in there. They got this rat-faced tweaker moved in before the blood was even dry on the floor. There’s no respect around here. None at all.”I wheel around to see Doug better and knock over a half-full can of beer that was perched on top of an unplugged mini-fridge. I really wish there was a light in here, because I’m starting to feel claustrophobic in the dimness with a giant trash bag pressing on my back and my ears buzzing louder and louder with every word Doug says.“Doug,” I say in my steadiest, untrembliest voice, ”what are you talking about?”Doug reaches out to stabilize the bag before it slips out of my hands. He holds on while I get a better grip. While I’m trying to find the right place to rest the weight of the bag on my shoulder, he leans his face in close to mine and fixes me with his big drunk eyes.“Oh honey,” he says. “Don’t tell me you don’t know.”FTC Advisory: Katherine Tegen Books/Harper Collins provided me with a copy of Wild Awake. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review.