A Single Woman's Concerns and Struggles: Reversing the Perception of Exclusion in the Twenty-First Century and Beyond

By Dr. Bernadine C. Johnson

A Single Woman’s Concerns and Struggles: Reversing the Perception of Exclusion in the Church in the Twenty-First Century and Beyondspeaks to the many single, separated, single parent, divorced, and widowed women who have and are experiencing concerns and struggles that may lead to perceptions of exclusion in the church and community. Each church holds various amounts of information from many sources that may assist single women in reversing the perception of exclusion, but making the best use of these sources and resources can make a big difference in the life of a single woman. Dr. Johnson provides insights into the care, concerns, struggles, and perceptions of exclusion and provides a mentoring guide in encouraging inclusion in the local church and community in the twenty-first century and beyond.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 17, 2023
• ISBN: 9798888325261

Book preview

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A Single Woman's Concerns and Struggles

Reversing the Perception of Exclusion in the Twenty-First Century and Beyond

Dr. Bernadine C. Johnson

ISBN 979-8-88832-525-4 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88832-526-1 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Dr. Bernadine C. Johnson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Abstract

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Appendix A

Appendix B

Introduction

Chapter 1

In God's Service as Part of the Body of Christ

Whom do men say that I, the Son of Man, Am?

Who am I?

Chapter 2

Mentoring

What is a mentor?

Mentor requirements: leading by example

Mentee requirements

Types of singleness

Chapter 3

Needs

Faith and community

Being single and accepting it

Strongholds and Emotions

Whom should I trust?

Parenting alone

Understanding change

Church after divorce

Grief's pain

Adjusting to widowhood

Never alone

Chapter 4

The Message

The message to pastors

Reaching higher heights in Christ

Conclusion

Bibliography

Appendix C

Bibliography

About the Author

Abstract

This thesis research project seeks to offer the readers of the project solutions to changing perceptions while improving single women's experiences as critical community members of the local church in the twenty-first century and beyond. This study employed a mixed-methods analysis using both qualitative and quantitative data. The project included a survey by single individuals between the ages of eighteen and sixty-five or older via email. Participants completed a twenty-six-question survey characterizing exclusionary practices in the church processes, leading to the perception of exclusion revolving around family relationships. The results of this study may allow for the positive perception of inclusion, the building of self-identity, and an increase in self-esteem by bringing awareness to the importance of the perception of inclusion of single women in the local church and revealing opportunities for mentorship in areas that lead to spiritual growth for women.

Key words: action research, exclusion, inclusion, mentoring, perception, self-esteem, single woman, spiritual growth.

Acknowledgments

Through the challenges, the research, the guidance, and the writing revisions of this thesis project program, I would like to acknowledge Dr. Kenneth Warren (mentor and coach), Dr. Andrea Adams (Instructor), Dr. Jim Zabloski, and others for their assistance and support. I would also like to acknowledge Dr. Jacqueline Hawkins and Dr. Stephanie Miller for their assistance and support with the thesis project. Additionally, I'd like to thank Valtressa Washington for the art illustration designs. I want to thank my spouse, Rickey Johnson, for his support throughout the years of attending schools through the various degree programs and this thesis project program. Finally, I thank the participants for their participation in the study.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. ¹ (Isaiah 41:10 KJV)

Chapter 1

Introduction

No one knows the single woman's story except the single woman since the single woman's story is unique. Single women derive from different denominations, church affiliations, and origins. Many single women have concerns and struggles that may lead to perceptions of exclusion in the church and community. Each church holds various amounts of information from many sources that may assist single women in reversing the perception of exclusion. Past and present literature on the internet as well as in libraries, schools, and universities holds information referencing single women. A lot of the literature refers to the incarceration and recidivism of single women in prison and pregnancy rates, to mention a few. However, there are not many resources that address the concerns and struggles of single women. Single women's concerns and struggles include the perception of exclusion and inclusion as well as spiritual, physical, mental, and financial issues. Although the researcher only mentions a few of these concerns and struggles, according to Statista, the number of families in the United States in which single mothers are the head of the household with no spouse present in 1990 was 11,268 and rose to 15,491 in 2020.²

Schlumpf states that according to US Census data, about 7.6 million (11%) American children lived in single-mother households in 1968 compared to 15.3 million (21%) in 2020.³

Some single women experience exclusion within the church, which gives them a sense of isolation, and have expressed this sentiment. Flora Matheson states that women may suffer from domestic violence by a partner or suffer from mental health problems, depression, substance abuse, loss of self-identity, and more, which may contribute to low self-esteem because of the various types of violence (physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, social isolation, and controlling behaviors by intimate partners).⁴ Some women who participated in this study felt incomplete because of the low self-esteem brought about by being made to feel inept in the church, whereby causing the women to experience the perception of exclusion by church leadership and church members. The women are single by choice, single mothers, single by separation, divorced, or widowed. This thesis project is essential to the care and counseling of single women in the local community and church.

Elyse Fitzpatrick believes in women teaching other women that mature women should counsel, mentor, teach, and disciple other women, as mandated in Titus 2:3–4.⁵ Fitzpatrick is not claiming that men cannot take women as their disciples. Fitzpatrick states that when it comes to discipleship in the life of women, it takes another godly woman to counsel other women.⁶ Although it takes a godly woman to counsel another godly woman, some women may not desire or want to be counseled, which may be the source of their concerns; or more succinctly, the women who waive being counseled may very well be the source of the concerns, whether counseled by a male or female.

According to G. K. Chesterton, the Bible teaches that people are the source of people's problems, and sin is the main reason for the problems.⁷ Fitzpatrick also states that the world wants a person to believe that the world is responsible for a person's upbringing, education, economy, environment, government, chemicals, and other items.⁸

In his book The Gospel According to John, D. A. Carson states that the disciples, like most Palestinian Jews, believed that sin and suffering went hand in hand. Carson states that the statement was true to some extent since they were working out the entailments of the fall in Genesis 2.⁹ The disciples presupposed a close connection between sin and the individual who has blindness. Some specific sin must have caused the man's blindness.¹⁰ However, Carson refers to the case of the young man who was blind from birth and did not sin, and neither did his parents. That man was blind so that the works of God would be revealed or displayed in the blind man's life.¹¹ Like all of humanity, single women have sinned, as Scripture claims in Romans, which states that all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23). Like the blind man and his parents, the struggles and concerns of some single women may not be due to their sins.

The church can help single women address sins or see God at work in their struggles and concerns. Expressly, literature affirms the need for support programs to address single women's struggles and concerns in the local church. For example, Ekele Nwankwo states that singles ministries should foster a sense of belonging and understanding.¹² Nwankwo also states that single adult ministries are slowly dying nationwide. There is a need not to overlook single adult ministries by those who lack an understanding of what single adults need and how they can minister to single adult worshipers.¹³ For example, when examining women's work in the missionary field, Leanne Dzubinski states that the perception of women's work is not considered work partly because it is unpaid and maybe socially invisible and considered communal work.¹⁴ The challenges mission-practitioner women face in the church as missionaries and the ministry are that of hindrances to the ministry; women experience the treatment as second-class citizens and support figures to male church leaders and are thus less valuable, and single women lack respect from male coworkers and thought that maybe if they were marred, they would be heard.¹⁵ Therefore, single women and women in general need the church's support as well as church leaders and other women to remove the perceptions that may become strongholds, which opens doors for exclusion. In light of the women who experience exclusion, struggles, and concerns, the US Census Bureau data from the 2018 American Community Survey, one-year estimates, shows marital status percentages across all single woman type groups in the United States. According to these statistics, 46.3% of women are married, 30.7% have never been married, 12.1% are divorced, 8.7% are widowed, and 2.2% are separated.¹⁶ The figure below from 2021 depicts increases in these statistics.¹⁷ Specifically, the percentage of those who have never married is rising. Although not shown in Figure 1.1, the number of single-mother households has continued to rise to 79.5% in 2021, according to Single Mother Statistics.¹⁸ The marital statuses listed in Figure 1.1 continue to rise while married rates decline, as indicated in Figure 1.1.¹⁹

Figure 1.1 Women's Marital Status²⁰

Chart, line chart Description automatically generated

Research suggests several reasons single women perceive exclusion in the church. Nwankwo states that a reason for the perception of exclusion is that 70% of the respondents in her study admitted experiencing loneliness in church. This perception is due to a lack of inclusiveness in spoken words and programs presented by leadership, which only benefit married people and children.²¹ Nwankwo argues that although loneliness was evident in the study, the single woman's greatest challenge is not loneliness.²² Rather, Nwankwo notes challenges such as stigmatization of status, the pressure to marry, contradictions between the Bible's value between singles and the church, and the church's negative perception of singles as factors contributing to a single women's loneliness. Nwankwo also states that sermons, announcements, bulletins, social events, and Bible study groups affect singleness in the church and family.²³

Single women seek intimacy, close friendships, validation, affirmation, spiritual nourishment, support, time alone, and family support.²⁴ Single women need all these things as well as inclusion. A sound church with quality teaching and worship or support groups will help these women avoid becoming more needy and vulnerable.²⁵ In addition to connections with people, single women should cultivate a close personal relationship with the Lord.²⁶ To support this idea, Fitzpatrick references Matthew 22:36–37, in which the Pharisees asked Jesus to name the greatest commandment in the law. Jesus's reply to the Pharisees was Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and all thy mind. Jesus then stated that the second great commandment is Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself (Matthew 22:39). Therefore, the church needs to help single women connect with God and others to combat perceived feelings of exclusion and isolation.²⁷

Dennis Franck, a former full-time pastor, has worked as a singles pastor and the director of the Single Adult and Young Adult Ministries—the never-married, divorced, widowed, separated, and single parents for the Assemblies of God.²⁸ Franck states that churches need to expand the definition of their traditional or customary family arrangement. Franck notes family types that were evident in society in 2007. They included the nuclear, single-parent, step-, blended, single-adult, grandparents, homosexual-parent(s)/partner(s), homosexual/heterosexual-parent(s)/partner(s), and expanded families.²⁹ The other types of single-family households previously addressed (the nuclear-parent family, expanded family, grandparent family, kinship family, homosexual-parent family, homosexual/heterosexual family, non-family, and combinations of any of these families) need to be addressed by churches in the future. Today, the definition needs to include single young adults; single parents; people who never married; and people who are divorced, separated, and widowed.

According to Franck, pastors, church leaders, and parachurch ministry leaders must realize that Christians base their faith upon a single Jewish adult from Galilee. Jesus's ministry precedes John the Baptist, a single adult whose mission thrust was modeled by a single adult named Paul.³⁰ Franck also states that Pew Research Center statistics displays that almost a quarter of US children live in single-parent homes. The five types of single households (never married, divorcées, widowers, single mothers, and separated individuals) rose to ten single-household types in 2012.³¹ Franck includes the blended-parent family in the ten types of households, and 81% of these blended or stepfamilies have nowhere to turn for help.³² The US Census Bureau, according to Jeannette Lofas from the Stepfamily Foundation, there are 1,300 new stepfamilies created daily in the United States.³³ Fifty percent of 60 million children in the United States under thirteen live in a stepfamily.³⁴ Stepfamilies are forming every day, and over 50% of US families are remarried or recoupled.³⁵ The United States Step and Blended Families chart shows the increase of blended families in the United States and the effect that being a part of a step- or blended family has on children.³⁶ Before becoming stepfamilies/blended families, some of these families were headed by single mothers.

The average marriage in America lasts only seven years. One out of two unions ends in divorce. Of those, 75% of partners remarry, and 66% of those who live together or remarry break up, leaving children with the single parent. Eighty percent of remarried or recoupled partners with children both have careers.³⁷ At the time, some of these statistics originated from the 1990 US Census. The US Census Bureau predicted that there would be more stepfamilies than original families by 2000.³⁸ There are no current updated statistics by the US Census Bureau that compare the number of stepfamilies to original families. The step and blended families' statistics are listed below:

Table 2.1. US Step and Blended Families

Note: Sources consulted are as follows:

Franck, Family, Marriage and Singleness in the 21st Century (2013)

National Center for Family & Marriage Research (2010; https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr)

American Blended Family Association (https://m.ogoing.com/BlendedFamilyUSA)

National Center for Family & Marriage Research (2010)

Family Barna Research (American Blended Family Association)

Franck, "Family, Marriage and Singleness in the