A Nun's Story

By Jenni Roussell

Sister Alexia Maria (Lexi) returns home to nurse her dying father and consider her future before taking her final vows.

Many hope she won't return to the convent including Lucas Brooks a widower with two children who soon tells her how he feels.

Lexi has a past she has been hiding for years and a nasty home invasion forces her to tell Lucas everything and come to terms with it so she can move on. 

 However, Lucas's own past soon catches up with him and Lexi is compelled to make the most difficult decision of her life. 

To give herself space she agrees to mind four children on a remote rural property on the northern Wairarapa coast where she meets Lachlan Cooper, a suave career soldier and brother of the station owner. Then suddenly she is ashamed to admit she no longer has any choice in her final decision.  A story of love and redemption

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jenni Roussell
• Release date: Nov 2, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223406433

Jenni Roussell

Jenni Roussell is a naughty old tart with a wicked sense of humour. She lives with her husband of fifty-five years and her latest canine side kick, a spoiled miniature foxy called ZsaZsa, because she can wind men around her little paw. They all live in a tiny village in the Wairarapa with less than one hundred and fifty residents who enjoy many secrets and stories. 

Book preview

Chapter one:

Sister Alexia Maria took her place in the pew next to her oldest brother John. Then his wife, two sons and the rest of the family followed. Between his four boys and their wives the late John Burns had a dozen grandchildren. Watching from his vantage point in the back of the old wooden church Lucas Brooks could see his old school chums and their wives and his gut wrenched reminding him of his pain and guilt. The last time he visited this church he came here to bury his wife.

John Burns delivered his father’s eulogy. A polished speaker he did justice to the man who had been much loved in the little town, and he did it with wit and wisdom.  John sounded like his father’s son. The other three sons performed a reading and before the grandchildren took the offertory procession the priest called on Sister Alexia Maria to speak. Lucas Brooks sat fascinated. He had never really met the baby sister, he’d heard the stories, about the practical jokes and mischief.  He watched this small shapeless figure in a nun’s habit step up on to the altar, he was mesmerized. When she turned and smiled, he melted, all the world could see was her face. Heart shaped with beautiful pale skin, as though it had never seen the light of day but would turn golden with little effort. Her strong dark brows naturally arched and framed her pixie-like features, her big eyes the colour of brown sugar, warm and welcoming. Her mouth looked like a sin waiting to happen. To Lucas the sin he thought was those luscious lips were wasted, they were made to be kissed and often. Now he wished he hadn’t been so precious about staying down at the back of the church.  Before she spoke, Sister Alexia Maria ran her tongue over her luscious lips.

‘Thank you all for coming to celebrate our father’s life with us. He loved you all. As the baby of the family, I had just turned seven when our mother died, so my father became the most influential person in my life...’ Lucas didn’t hear the words she spoke, he only heard the gentle lyrical tones of her voice, and pretty soon he decided she was wasted in a convent. 

Lucas Brooks hadn’t stepped inside any church in over three years. He only came because old doctor Alex Burns had delivered him and been his family’s doctor for years and he knew the boys. The old medic had also treated his late wife’s cancer, as much as any rampant dangerous undetected malignancy can be treated. He had ensured she stayed pain free and died with dignity. But the loyal old medic had allowed her to keep it from him until almost too late. It had been Melanie’s choice of course but he enabled her to exercise her choice. The little country church looked packed. According to the death notice in the paper the esteemed doctor had been seventy-nine and it said, ‘after a short illness.’

Lucas watched impassively as the man’s family sat together in the front pews of the old church. They all appeared calm and happy even. A typical catholic family of their day, Alex Burns had four sons and a daughter, Lucas had gone to school with two of the boys, the third son Paddy had been in the same class as him. Then the pair had gone off to university together and both studied architecture. The eldest son John, now forty-five, had followed in his father’s footsteps, taking up medicine, a surgical specialist he worked with in London. James the second son enjoyed some profile as a barrister who practiced criminal law in Auckland. The fourth son, David, a teacher, and principal of a high school in the South Island had been the same age as Lucas’s late wife, she would be thirty-nine if she were still alive. Melanie Brooks and David Burns had also gone to university together, both becoming teachers. Typical New Zealand, just two degrees of separation and everyone simply expected it. The Late doctor Burns and his wife had a bonus baby a good ten years younger than her next sibling David. Now their long-awaited daughter was twenty-eight years old and the baby of the family. Alexia, or Lexi as her brothers called her was the apple of her father’s eye and just as well as he had brought her up from the age of seven, after her mother had been tragically killed. At the time, the story had been in all the newspapers, a freak ‘hit and run’ accident, while out walking her dog on a country road near their home.

Much to the amazement of her brothers and the disappointment of her father the bubbly fun-loving Alexia became a nun. Not just any nun, a cloistered Carmelite nun in an austere sect whose members spoke only for an hour twice a day. A devout catholic Alex Burns accepted his daughter’s choice of vocation but had grave misgivings which played upon his mind. At the time Lexi had been teaching children in a remote village school in the highlands of Papua New Guinea, as part of a volunteer service abroad scheme. When she left abruptly and entered a Carmelite Convent in Australia, cutting herself off from family and friends her father felt sure something untoward had triggered the decision. Separating herself from people had been something she had done when she became upset or grieving as a child. Alex Burns had seen this behavior in his daughter before. So not only as a concerned father but also as a doctor he wrote to the Mother Superior, asking that she view with caution any ‘vocation’ his daughter may claim. The Mother superior had replied saying normal procedure would be for Alexia to be sent home after six months trial. Then she would need to write and request permission to join the community as a postulant which she had done. Now just before she had been due to take her final vows after five years in the order, her father once again wrote and asked her to come home one last time as he was dying. His four sons were working all over the world and he felt quite alone.

This time the Mother Superiors decision had not been made on Alex Burn’s request alone. The convent community agreed Alexia needed to close the family chapter of her life and contemplate her decision before she could commit herself to a monastic life of prayer. The Mother Superior had even suggested, she may be better suited to a different life of service to God, in a teaching or nursing order. Alexia admitted she had suffered some reservations, but she failed to be precise and spell out exactly what they were because she felt embarrassed about her strong womanly desires, as though she were the only woman in the world who had ever felt them.

Lucas didn’t want to think too much about burying his wife Melanie or his grief because it happened three years ago and now, he felt in a good space with his architectural business, and he had even built a new home on the small property where his grandparents once farmed.  His children Livy, now ten, and Jack seven, still suffered the loss of their mother. Lucas began to worry they would never move forward. Who could blame them? They were so young, and he reproached himself for not noticing the changes in his wife. Also, a secret burden weighed heavy on his conscience.

The traditional requiem mass seemed somber and brought back memories of Melanie’s funeral with her schoolteacher friends. After the recessional hymn, the family followed the casket towards the waiting hearse and stood huddled together greeting the mourners. Finally, Lucas and Paddy caught sight of each other, the pair shook hands and hugged, Paddy introduced his wife Anna and the pair agreed to catch up before he and Anna went back to Singapore. Lucas knew most of the mourners and as the family headed off for a private interment the mourners chatted and enjoyed refreshments. Several commented-on Alexia and Lucas never had to verbalize his sentiments, some others did it for him.

Cecily Green from the florist shop asked a tad annoyed.

‘Who said nuns can’t be beautiful?’  Lucas smirked at Cecily’s words and turned away, so she didn’t see his expression, he knew she was right, damn it.

Chapter two:

A few days after the funeral, Paddy Burns phoned Lucas and invited him to a BBQ lunch on Sunday and Paddy insisted he bring his kids. Lucas looked forward to the event and made a huge Banoffee pie for dessert, remembering how those Burns boys could eat. Jack became excited as old Doctor Burns had told him once, he had miniature horses and he hoped they were still there.

‘Well, the Doc’s gone to heaven like mummy, but I reckon the horses will still be there.’ Lucas hoped like heck they were. Livy did a little huff she didn’t feel sure about going except she might meet some new kids to play with.

Not disappointed, Livy counted a dozen other children although she didn’t include some big kids’ boys and girls she dismissed as ‘too grown up.’

‘Look daddy the miniature horses are still here in the paddock,’ she pointed to the paddock adjoining the garden. For late autumn the day was warm and sunny, the grass felt dry to the touch, and the children played golf croquet and French boules. The older ones served drinks and the family and friends mooched around chatting and speaking as if old Dr Burns were not too far from them, as though he might be part of it all.

Paddy and his wife chatted with Lucas. Anna and Paddy had married in the UK and Lucas had never met her until the funeral. In truth he and Paddy had lost touch apart from Facebook and the odd email. At forty Lucas looked a fine specimen of a man, tall broad shouldered hard muscly and toned. His eyes were a dark charcoal blue. He stood confident, his strong jaw embellished with a handsome dimple, and he raked his fingers through his thick dark hair not a grey in sight. His designer jeans fitted tight around his backside and thighs. The black merino jersey molded to those muscles. He had always been aware of the effect he had on women, he used to play to those strengths but not now. He did not feel like the same man anymore.

He heard a delighted squeal from the children and looked over to the croquet players to see Lexi standing behind Jack, her arms around him, the pair of them holding the mallet and slamming the ball through the hoop. Lucas watched for a while and when Jack caught his father’s eye he called out.

‘Daddy, Lexi and I are winning.’ Lucas smiled walking closer he prompted Jack,

‘don’t you mean Sister Alexia Maria?’

The boy looked up at his father with one eye squinting out the sunlight.

‘No, she’s called Lexi at home.’  Lexi stood up; cheeks flushed she dusted her hands off using the skirt of her habit.

‘Have we met?’ She had no idea, and definitely no idea what a beautiful face she had and what effect she had on him, she looked innocent.

‘Yes, but you can’t be expected to remember I think you were not much more than two.’  Lexi laughed and her face lit up as she smoothed down her skirt.

‘So, you were his age then’ she pointed to Jack.

‘I wish, well no I don’t actually.’  He frowned briefly thinking of the ramifications of his words, he stood wishing away their twelve-year age gap.

‘I see you remember Lexi,’ Paddy said standing beside him now.

‘Actually, I don’t remember her, but I do remember the stories you told me about her.’ He frowned at Paddy, ‘Until now I never really believed them,’ both men chuckled. Livy appeared and asked about the ponies, Jack danced about eager to get the bridles and lead them about on the lawn.

‘Please Lexi, please’ he pleaded, and she hugged him, and he hugged her back affectionately, and hugs were in short supply for Lexi especially hugs from little ones like Jack. She pursed her lips in a kissing motion, then mouthed up to Lucas ‘he’s so cute.’

Lucas couldn’t help himself, he turned to his friend surreptitiously.

‘Is she really going back to take her final vows?’ even covered up in her shapeless habit, he found her captivating, animated, and lovely. Paddy didn’t answer immediately, instead he plunged his hands in his trouser pockets and sighed.

‘She shouldn’t, I mean Dad didn’t want her to do it, he told John and me he believes she’s running away from something, hiding he believed.’ Paddy accepted a beer from the young waiters, Lucas shook his head and waved them away.

‘Well, she’s been living the convent life for five years now, difficult and all as it appears to us on the outside, that’s no mean feat.’ He said deadly serious. Paddy nodded in agreement.

Lucas’s Banoffee pie proved a winner for the Burns boys and their families. The miniature horses were a hit with the younger children and Paddy and Lucas thoroughly enjoyed catching up and both agreed as they got older, old friends were the best friends and they planned to stay in closer touch. They even shot the breeze about collaborating on a project.

After all the guests had left David Burns, who went to University with Melanie Brooks, spoke to Paddy. ‘Is Lucas Brooks seeing anyone?’ he asked. ‘It’s over three years ago since Melanie died and women were always attracted to him, you remember him at Uni, he always had some girl in tow.’ His curiosity now getting the better of him. Paddy played it down.

‘He’s no worse than any of us, just better looking so he seemed to have more options.’

‘Rubbish the guy’s a root rat from way back’ James harrumphed.

‘Hark who’s talking’ Paddy interrupted. ‘He and Melanie were together for ten years eight of those married.’  The men noticed their wives smirking Anna pushed Paddy in the arm playfully.

‘You two are so transparent, he’s a very good-looking man, I watched the women’s heads turn when he walked in.  Still realistically none of us would want to be in his position, would we?’ Anna wondered aloud.

‘Do you think men in their forties like the idea of playing the field again?’ John Burns announced, in his assumed role as family Patriarch. Lexi simply listened saying nothing.

‘The idea is vastly different from the reality especially when there are children. Our father told me once being on his own had been the loneliest time of his life and was much older than Lucas Brooks. Dad said it took him years to adjust. He also told me if he had he met someone he would have remarried, he liked being married, being close to someone other than your children.’ His brothers agreed with him.

When his children were tucked up in bed, Lucas went over the events of the day savoring the moments. One thing stood out for him he did not like being on his own. Paddy and Anna were a fun couple, they had two boys, Liam fifteen and Nate thirteen. All the Burns boys were fun, and Lucas felt a pang of guilt because he had dropped the ball in so many ways during his marriage and he felt pleased Melanie had the wisdom to prevent him from completely losing the plot near the end. Had she not set him a challenge his life could have been so much poorer. He would have suffered public humiliation, and his children would have been affected forever. More than the loss of their mother as if death were an easy thing for two young children to deal with.

Chapter Three:

Lucas received an email from Paddy Burns in Singapore asking him if he would be interested in collaborating on project, a hotel in Singapore. It would be a small boutique hotel and Paddy would be the managing architect. Lucas, who had won prizes for his innovative ideas, would be responsible for finite internal design where space was a premium and luxury a given. Lucas appeared keen to get on board with the project and the owners a pair of Singaporean business magnates planned to fly into wellington to meet him. They would have dinner together and talk about their vision. The next day they planned to get down to more detailed discussions before they flew back to Singapore. Lucas would then liaise with Paddy and the pair would draw up the plans. First the conceptual plans for the clients’ approval then the legal final ones filed with the Singaporean authorities for their consent.

Excited hardly began to describe Lucas’s feeling about the job. He was on his way to ask his elderly aunt if she would mind the children for a couple of days when he called into the supermarket to get a few provisions. Anxious, because he didn’t really have anyone except his old aunt, he could ask to live in his house for a couple of days, he had animals to feed, the kids had after-school activities, they could miss those for once his work is important after all. Mindlessly wheeling a trolley around in the supermarket, he almost ran into a young girl, short dark spiky hair, blue jeans, and a loose sloppy polo neck sweater. She reminded him why he had discounted asking the neighbour’s teenage kids to babysit for a couple of days, The college age ones were just school kids and the older ones worked and had boyfriends. No, his old aunt would just have to do, hoping she wouldn’t find it too much, he absently apologized to the girl and pushed on.

‘Lucas?’ he turned, the spiky short-haired teenager called him, he gawped at her.

‘Lexi? you look so different, heavens I didn’t recognize you without your habit.’

Lexi grinned as she shuffled about embarrassed.

‘I know what you mean I don’t recognize myself. I thought I better get used to it because I’ll have to get a job,’ then she explained. ‘I’m having time out while I consider my life.’ 

He stood there drinking her in, she had this pixie like quality and the hair style and clothing confirmed it she looked like a child. A child who was just about to become a bride of Christ.  He didn’t comment on the religious aspect of her life, but he did mention the joint project he and Paddy were undertaking.

‘I’m on my way to see my old aunt and ask her if she would mind the children for a couple of days while I’m in Wellington meeting with the project owners.’

He’d hardly drawn breath when Lexi offered,

‘I’d love to mind Jack and Livy, to be honest I’m at a complete loose end and the Mother Superior said I’m not to allow my grief and loneliness to precipitate a poor judgement call. But I’m not grieving for Dad. He had his three score years and ten plus some and he’d cheated death before, he had been happy to go. Please, I desperately need something to do.’

She almost pleaded for the job Lucas could not believe his luck.

‘I’m happy to pay you, look let’s go and get a coffee and we can discuss this sensibly.’ He told her firmly, Lexi insisted she didn’t want paying. 

Sitting together in the Wild Oats café he studied her closely for the first time. The only honest descriptive would be beautiful a beautiful breath of fresh air.

‘You look quite different in clothes,’ he offered feebly not even realizing what he had said. Immediately her cheeks flushed.

‘I wore clothes when you saw me at home’ she corrected him.

Then she watched him blush, because he had tried to imagine what she would look like without her habit, and his imagination had been fertile.

‘You understand what I mean,’ he whispered swallowing hard, his deep voice low. ‘The thing is while I know my children would love to have you look after them, I need it doing at my place their home, they have pets and I have a few animals to be fed and the children have school and some after school activities too.’ She leaned across the table and put her hand on his. A tingling charge went right through his body coming from her hand. It felt warm and soft and when she looked into his eyes he felt as though he suffered this strange hunger, it had been over three years since a woman had touched him.

‘I can do it’ Lexi said, ‘I want to mind your children,’ she patted his hand to enforce the point.

This time he felt relieved to be sitting down, his knees had turned to jelly. Her eyes as large as saucers, those luscious lips, and her gentle touch... he thought, I’m too old for her, she is his best mate’s little sister how would her brother feel if we became more...  Get a grip on yourself Lucas she’s a nun for