Is Love Just Another High: Better To Burn Out, #2

By D.M.Needom and D. M. Needom

Nigel Hartagan awoke from his medical emergency haunted by a life with a woman he thought he didn't know.

A chance encounter with this very woman almost a year before changed his destiny. When he discovers she exists, he all but upends his life to have her. A girlfriend or lifelong friendship doesn't matter. He wants what he wants, and that's Ava Richards.

He knows there is an unspoken connection and his soul won't be denied until he claims her and makes her his.

Book 3 in the Better to Burn Out Series is Nigel's point of view.

• Language: English
• Publisher: D.M.Needom
• Release date: Oct 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9781733274296

Book preview

image-placeholder

To My Bad Boy Muse

The right of D.M. Needom to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it was published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Cover art by: D. M. Needom

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events or organizations is entirely coincidental.

The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Visit www.dmneedom.com for more information about the author and her works.

Copyright © 2023 D.M. Needom

All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-1-7332742-9-6

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

Contents

1.Tempting Fate

2.A Deal to be Brokered

3.Chasing an Escape

4.Insider Information

5.Object of my Desire

6.Good Kid

7.Could've Been a Cad

8.Revenge Fuck

9.When Reality Knocks

10.Unhappy Birthday

11.In Motion

12.Game On

13.Walls Come Down

14.Take me to Harry

15.Take a Chance

16.Is This a Date?

17.Happy Birthday

18.For the Next Dance

19.Break Me

20.To Make Matters Worse

21.Tell Me Fortune Teller

22.Claim my Prize

23.My First & Last

24.She Deserved More

25.Starting the Adventure

26.Just a Normal Day

27.I Do

28.Morning Romp

Epilogue - Welcome to the Circus

Also By

Acknowledgements

About the Author

1

Tempting Fate

September 28, 1984

New York

When I got to the backstage area, I looked for Melinda and assumed she must be changing into something else for the after-party. So, who would fault me if I took in the sights? As I suspected, there was a crowd around Ava. Girls were congratulating her, and then C.C. whisked her to a makeshift interview area. Two chairs, a backdrop, and some lighting were all it took to make this perfect for the home audience.

I stood in the background watching Ava as she gave a couple of interviews. She was all smiles and seemed like she had been doing it for years. The professional from my dreams. Even at this early stage in her life, she appeared to be the consummate actress. Her smile never wavered, yet I felt there was something hidden behind it. If only I could remember what the truth was.

As the lights faded and they removed the mic, I finally saw her pause and take a deep breath. The collected version of Ava was what she wanted the world to believe. However, I saw her anxiety. This was a lot for a teenager who was about to embark on a world tour of sorts. I knew at that moment what she was feeling. Her life would never be the same, and if I had any say, neither would mine.

When Melinda finally returned, I almost expected her to head straight for me. She had to be wondering why I hadn’t been waiting for her in her dressing room. However, she surprised me by heading toward Ava, who was oblivious as she held a champagne flute in hand and worked the room like a pro. As I watched her, I could see that the champagne was merely a prop, something to keep her hands busy as she met person after person. I took a swig of my drink and thought about everyone I met over the years. I barely remembered what most of them looked like, much less their names. After all, I had decided early in my career that I’d only remember the ones who offered me something, be it a pleasant conversation or help in reaching my goals.

Melinda moved closer to Ava for a photo, this was my chance to make my move. I’d be sandwiched between the two loves of my life. I waited for the flash to go off before injecting myself between them.

Oh, let me get a photo with the two most beautiful women in the world. I slid between the two of them and placed an arm around each of their waists.

Of course, you wouldn’t miss an opportunity for a photo with the latest model, Mel said, plastering a smile on her face.

Can I get one of Melinda and Ava giving you a little kiss on the cheek? the photographer asked, with no prompting.

How could I refuse? A smile formed on my face as their lips met my cheeks. This would be a picture I would look back at and…

Fuck, I could look back and think this was the moment I lost Melinda for good and when I met the love of my life. Okay, Ava might not be the love of my life, but you never know. After all, destiny appeared to be calling.

The flash went off, and within seconds, Mel was walking away. I knew she was pissed. I didn’t blame her, but as much as I knew the right thing to do was go after her, I couldn’t. Honestly, I just didn’t have it in me, because my future was already next to me.

Can I get another photo of the two of you? the photographer said. Sure, I said, placing my arm over Ava’s shoulder gently.

The flash went off, and before I could say something clever, she closed her eyes as if she was regrouping her thoughts, then exhaled.

The photographer seemed to focus his attention on someone else for a moment, and I realized this was my chance to talk to Ava. I let my arm linger for a moment, and she didn’t seem to care as she took a sip from her glass. I was going to play it cool. After all, I was in Sambuka Fedora, and if I hadn’t zipped her dress, she might not have won. I admit that was pushing it a little, but it made for a good ice-breaker.

I turned to face her. I had it all planned in my head: I was going to be cool and suave. But then something happened when she looked at me as I moved my arm and turned to face her. As the words came out of my mouth, I sounded like a teenage boy speaking to his crush for the first time.

Hi. I’m not sure whether you remember me from earlier or not.

Of course I remember you. She raised an eyebrow at me and laughed lightly, then smiled wickedly. You’re trouble.

I found myself laughing. Oh, if you only knew.

Her eyes had a wicked gleam as they met mine. She touched my cheek and smiled. Oh, I do.

What? I paused, stunned. How? The questions tumbled out of my mouth.

Oh, Ava darling, there are some people you must meet, C.C. said as he approached.

 Ava turned to look at me with a smile. It was a pleasure meeting you. Have a nice evening, Nigel.

image-placeholder

When I watched her walk away, I was taken aback. She knew my name, yet hadn’t said it backstage. Why? I studied her from across the room. There was something familiar about her more than just my hellscape. She was at the show a few weeks back. She was the one in the audience that I wanted to go after. This was my second chance. I let her get away then; and I certainly would not do it now. I needed to talk to her, to know her. Maybe it was a pull of my soul or as corny as it sounds my destiny. I took a few steps to follow when Melinda stepped in front of me. Wow, so she’s going to replace me in a lot of ways?

What are you talking about? I asked, looking puzzled.

Melinda shook her head negatively before she spoke. Nothing, let’s just call it woman’s intuition. She moved in closer, as if she was going to tell me a secret. You proved to me we were through when you opted for the photo op alone with her. She pulled back just enough to gauge my reaction. We’ve been keeping up this charade for months. Honestly, I’m done. I’m finished with all of it. I’ll come by next week to pick up my things.

Melinda, I was just-

You’ll always just be doing something for the band, for your fans. It’ll always be for someone other than me. So, I’m finished. This was supposed to be a great night, but I’ve hated everything about it. Please don’t act like this is going to break your heart. I know you moved on long ago. She leaned in and kissed my cheek. I’ll call to schedule a time to pick up my things. Please don’t be there. It’s time; I make some changes in my life.

I’m sorry, I said as I placed my arm around her. I never meant to hurt you.

No one ever does. She said as she pulled away.

She walked away from me, leaving me stunned. All night I’d been focused on someone I didn’t know and lost the one I did. Just like when I was in my coma, Melinda was the one that got away.

image-placeholder

I felt a sense of loss as I watched Ava across the room. As much as she entranced me earlier, I was now fearful about setting things further into motion. Would I be risking destroying both of their lives in the not so distant future? Even though the thought stuck in my head, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. The moment she realized I was watching her, she smiled back. Enough of this mind fuck. I had to make my move and talk to her.

As I stood, I saw Russell standing next to Ava. She was smiling up at him adoringly before he took the empty seat between her and the other girl. I sat back down, gob smacked. What the hell was he doing here? There was a familiarity between the two of them as Ava smiled and shook her head before Russell’s hand moved to the back of her chair. They were facing each-other, and I saw his leg move between hers as her legs moved around his before she crossed her ankles. I shook my head. They were way too familiar. He was married, and he prided himself on being faithful. What the fuck was this bullshit? Ava was mine. I got up and went over.

 As I neared the table, Russell laughed at her before leaning in and kissing her lightly, In due time. His hand caressed her cheek as she touched his. Ava leaned in and kissed him again. This kiss looked more intimate.

I felt my blood boiling. Russell, it is you, I said, causing them to break their kiss quickly.

What are you doing here? I asked, sitting in the girl’s vacant seat.

They looked at me, surprised by the intrusion as they sat back in their perspective chairs. Ava licked her lips and looked down briefly.

I figured Mel would’ve told you I was a judge. I’ve been in town for the last week. The reason I didn’t call is that I figured you’d be busy between studio and supporting Melinda, Russell responded.

We’ve had some trouble in the studio. I think we’re going to regroup in Paris in October.

Well, we finished renovating the house. You can stay there to cut down on expenses, Russell offered.

That’s nice, but you know when I’m in Paris I prefer the Ritz, I said. There was no way I was going to let him manage my life from across the world.

Of course, I was just looking at the bottom line. Russell said, taking a swig of his drink.

Nice that you’re giving the winner special attention. What is Helen going to think about that? I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ava looked at me surprised, before she responded, We’re talking about music, and I kissed him because I’m a big fan. I figured it was the only chance I’d get. So, there’s nothing for Helen to worry about.

Bullshit, I thought as I saw him kiss her.

Russell glared at me. How are things with you and Mel? She seemed ticked with you earlier.

We had an argument, I said, sucking in my cheeks.

That doesn’t surprise me at all, Russell said glibly.

I’m not sure why you’re so concerned, but she broke up with me. Said she needed a change and was done with all of it, including modeling. My anger was palpable as I grabbed my glass of champagne and finished it.

Well, that explains a lot, Ava said. Why are you talking to us? Shouldn’t you go after her? You know, maybe fix things since she’s your fiancé.

Russell sucked in his cheekbones. She’s got a point. Shouldn’t you be chasing the woman you love?

Shouldn’t you be on a plane heading back to LA to yours?

I’ll be home soon enough. I have some business to finish.

Ava your business? I asked with a sneer before I chuckled. Always claiming to be the faithful one. Everyone always presumes Russell is the good guy.

No. I have contract negotiations to take care of. Russell shook his head. What’s your problem, man? Russell asked.

Nothing, I need another drink, I said before getting up.

I walked away. I was sure he was going to fuck Ava and then go home to Helen. All the years of his moral indignation and self-righteous bullshit about the things Tristan, Mason, and I had done were out the window. He’d never be able to say anything to us about what we were getting up to with whomever. He had just proven that he was no better than the lot of us. I grabbed another glass of champagne and watched them. They were into each other. It was obvious to anyone watching. Russell leaned in and kissed her again. I shook my head as I had another sip of champagne. Watching her wrap her arms around him, made my jaw tighten. They posed for a picture and there was something familiar with them, something from my coma flashed, but I dismissed it. He turned to leave, and she pulled him in for another kiss. Before I went back over, I wanted to have my number at the ready to give to her. I walked to the bar and asked the bartender for a pen and jotted my number on a napkin and stuck it in my pocket. While he may have her tonight, I knew it wouldn’t last.

image-placeholder

I moved toward Ava’s table and observed.

She smiled at her friend as she spoke. I couldn’t help it. There’s just something about being around him. When he looks at me, it’s like I’m the only person in the room. I mean, I can see the love-

I interrupted because I didn’t want to hear any more. Ladies, I said as I stood behind the chair Russell had vacated.

You’re back, Ava said, annoyed even though she was smiling. Nigel, this is my friend Mindy.

I shook Mindy’s hand before I sat in the chair. I was ticked, especially hearing what she was telling her friend.

Ava and I exchanged looks before she spoke. So, I see you still didn’t go after Melinda.

My eyes searched Ava’s face as I smiled. There’s no point. We’ve been finished for a while.

Ava shook her head. All the time you’ve been together means nothing?

I didn’t say that. I just know there’s no hope, l explained.

Of course, not if you don’t try, Ava responded.

We’ve tried and we don’t work, l took a sip of champagne. Besides, I think I may have met my destiny. I reached for her hand and felt a brief pulse of energy.

 Destiny? Ava said with a smile before she laughed. I may be young, but I’m not that naïve.

I’m sure you’re not, I said in a serious tone before asking; I have a question. If you knew who I was, why didn’t you say anything backstage?

Well, I was a little thrown when I heard my name. Not to mention you asked if I was real. Who asks that? You were there, you could see I was real. Imagine being somewhere and hearing your name and you turn around and for you, we’ll say it’s Bowie?

I understand. I laughed, So, I’m like Bowie to you.

Not exactly. I admired your bass playing. For that reason I know who you are. Ava said with an exhale, But seriously, with all the other girls around, why did you call out to me, and how did you know my name? Did Melinda tell you or did you see a comp card?

I smiled. I think I’ll keep that to myself and maybe one day when we’re married, I’ll tell you.

She looked at me as if I were crazy. Um, what are you talking about?

How could I tell her I knew that was what the future held for us? I smiled before looking at the candle on the table.

Ava exhaled as she set her glass back on the table. I’m not sure why you would say that, considering we don’t know one another?

I turned and found her eyes. I don’t know. There’s just something about you. I feel like we could have a future.

Ava glanced at Mindy, who looked like she was about to burst out laughing, before Ava faced me. She rested her elbow on the table as she pointed a well-manicured nail at me. I’m going to stop you right there. I admit, it most likely would be a fun time-

I cut her off. And I’m going to stop you. Raising an eyebrow as I grabbed her hand, before I continued. I wasn’t suggesting anything. I’ll admit, it would be great to take you back to my place and shag our brains out, but I’d rather spend some time getting to know you. After all, I’m just getting out of a relationship.

Why do you want to get to know me? She pulled her hand away and brought it to rest under her chin as two fingers rested on her cheek. So, you can see if I’m a good fit to replace her?

Wow, cut to the quick. I felt myself sit back in the chair after her rebuttal. Why would you say that?

She sat taller and smirked at me, Because you have a rep for dating models and Melinda had one piece of advice for me earlier, and that was not to date a musician.

I exhaled. I have said nothing about dating. I want to get to know you, and well, you can never have too many friends. He smiled a closed lip smile and raised an eyebrow. Something tells me you want to be more than a model, especially since you were so cozy with Russell.

Ava looked at Mindy and pursed her lips. Me talking with Russell wasn’t something planned. She shook her head. I’ve been modeling regionally, but this is my first time in the big leagues. So, right now, I’m going to enjoy every minute. In a few years, who knows? Maybe I’ll act or get my brother’s band going.

It’ll take more than chatting up Russell to get your band signed, I said. My jaw was tight.

Ava looked at me incredulously. Oh, I know. It’ll take talent and he thinks we have it. She glared at me.

What would you do in this band? I exaggerated the word band. She had been in a band in my coma. This was only confirming she really was the woman from my dreams.

She sings and plays bass, Mindy said, coming to Ava’s defense.

You’ll have to show me some time, I responded.

Ava smirked and pursed her lips. I’ll doubt you’ll ever have the pleasure.

I smiled at her and shook my head. You’re a feisty one.

No, I’m just not falling for whatever game this is, Ava said, finishing her champagne.

Why does it have to be a game? I’m just trying to get to know you, l responded.

I doubt either of us will have time for that with our schedules. Ava gave me an annoyed smile.

 How’s my winner? C.C. said as he walked over and stood next to the table.

Ava looked up and smiled. I’m fine.

Good. There are a few more people for you to meet before we wrap this night up.

Duty calls, Ava said, looking over at me. It was a pleasure meeting you. Mindy, please stick around so we can go to the hotel together.

Nigel, shouldn’t you be on your way to see Melinda, and fix things, C.C. said, shooting me a stern look.

Yeah, you’re right. I should be going. It was a pleasure meeting you, l said, taking Ava’s hand and kissing it.

I watched her walk away and knew I had to make things right between us. I wanted to know her, to see if she really was the woman from my coma.

I turned and looked over at Mindy, She’s not always that matter of fact, is she?

Yes, she is, at least until you get to know her, Mindy responded.

Can you do me a favor and give her this? I said, handing Mindy the napkin with my number.

You’re giving me your number? Mindy looked at me, surprised.

We were in the middle of something, and I’d love it if we could finish it.

She shook her head and laughed, Oh, I think she was finished, Mindy said with mild disbelief.

Come on, l said, offering a pleading smile. Please, if you do it, I’ll make sure you’re on the guest list next time we tour.

Better yet, let me photograph you and the band, and I’ll be glad too, Mindy said.

l shook my head and laughed. We usually hire a professional.

Mindy smirked, The reason Ava made it into the contest was because of my pictures. If you want me to give her your number, that’s the price, besides I was just hired by Mohawk, so I’m sure I’ll be photographing you eventually, anyway.

I looked at her skeptically. What was with these girls that my charm wasn’t getting me anywhere? Really, Russell hired you, interesting. I said, rubbing my chin. What the fuck was going on? Look, call me and let me see your book. Just give Ava the number, please.

I’ll call you tomorrow, and we can meet up. Mindy said.

Sounds perfect, l said with a smile, before I got up. As I walked out, I glanced over at Ava, but she didn’t take any notice of me. Things had changed. We had met sooner, but now I wondered if any of it even mattered. It had to, didn’t it? Otherwise, why would I have dreamt of her in my coma?

image-placeholder

The car dropped me off in front of the building and I gave a chin tip to Alonzo. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Part of me thought I should stay and wait and try to talk to Ava again, but I knew C. C. would have forbidden her from doing so. While he and I had stared out on good terms, hell, he was even responsible for Melinda and me getting together. That was a while ago, though. Now, he had lost all respect for me after my OD, but he wasn’t the only one. Tonight, just proved what I thought about Russell as well. He at one time had been my biggest supporter, a loyal brother to me, but he didn’t show up at the hospital. Now knowing he had been in town for a week and hadn’t reached out to me, well, it was obvious I had fallen from grace with him as well.

Taking the elevator upstairs, part of me hoped I’d find Melinda. Maybe we could talk and fix us at least for a bit. I didn’t want to be alone right now. I needed her to help ground me. If she wasn’t there, I feared I’d be wanting to call my dealer to get the escape I was beginning to crave. How could I have fucked up my life so badly? Truth was, as much as I wanted to have everything perfect since I woke up, I hadn’t really changed anything. What had made me dive into the powder and Natalia was still there. I wasn’t happy with who I was. Even though I wished Mel was here, I knew we were done.

I opened the door; the room was illuminated by the lone table lamp. Melinda, I called out, hoping beyond hope she was there. There was nothing. I moved to the stairwell and called up, Melinda, are you here?

Silence. I was alone. I walked over to the bar and was about to pour a glass of scotch when I saw her engagement ring. There was no note, just the ring. I picked it up and shook my head as I thought about the day I put it on her finger. She was overjoyed and in that moment; I thought I had everything I could ever imagine.

We were staying at one of her friend’s places in New South Wales, Australia for a couple of weeks. While I stayed in the residence most of the time, I enjoyed some time on the beach. I had purchased the ring weeks before our trip and knew I had wanted to do it then. Her friend helped pull off the perfect evening with a catered meal for just the two of us. After dinner, I suggested taking a moonlit stroll on the beach. The moon was full that night and its reflection played across the water. We had walked aways and came back. It was so peaceful and serene, the water slowly rolling in and out against the shoreline. I remember moving in front of her as we neared the house. She was so beautiful, as she smiled at me. I cupped her face and kissed her slowly before I