Fam'ly: How We Made It Over

By Mary Joyce McNeil Flournoy

Fam'ly is a heartwarming family saga about the author's large family of seven children, whose parents married young, possessing only minimal skills and education during the Great Depression in this country, and their struggles to rise above their marginal existence. Although both of the writer's parents had been encouraged by their families to acquire skills before getting married, the couple believed they could obtain advanced skills and have a much better life after marrying by moving from their small South Carolina rural setting to Charlotte, North Carolina, a much bigger city.

Fam'ly shares the story of the young black couple's struggles amid a backdrop of the Jim Crow and segregation era and a depressed economy to overcome adversity; to better their lives, their extended family members' lives as well as their children's lives; and to make sure all their seven children obtained a higher education so they could have a better quality of life than they had experienced.

The narrative tells how the pair's tenacity, strong bonds of love and support from their immediate and extended families--some of whom had followed the Great Migration and moved to Northern cities such as Brooklyn and Bronx, New York--and love and faith in God helped them to overcome obstacles and accomplish goals in their lives.

The story also shows that those you help or who help you do not have to be members of your immediate or extended families. They can be members of various family circles in your life, like church, work, or community families.

Fam'ly highlights the efforts of an extended family--not just the immediate family--working together to help one another succeed. While the book does have its serious side, it is lighthearted, funny, informative, and entertaining but with a historical, factual, and real-life backdrop.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9781646543885

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1: Live on Love

Chapter 2: Pleading the Case for Marriage

Chapter 3: A Change in Original Plans

Chapter 4: Worshipping with Mary's Family

Chapter 5: A Loss in the Family

Chapter 6: Uniting after a Death

Chapter 7: A Lifelong Friend

Chapter 8: A Sunday Visit Scare

Chapter 9: Making Ends Meet

Chapter 10: Having Fun with Family Members

Chapter 11: Worshipping and Visiting with Sam's Parents

Chapter 12: An Offer for Educational Assistance

Chapter 13: Facing Reality/Letting Go of a Dream

Chapter 14: Coping with Motherhood

Chapter 15: And Baby Makes Seven

Chapter 16: Mary's Siblings

Chapter 17: A Large Family Gathering—Sam's Siblings

Chapter 18: Making Work Fun

Chapter 19: Children's Antics Can Be Challenging

Chapter 20: Family Worship, Morals, and Values

Chapter 21: A Time for Music

Chapter 22: Working to Achieve New Goals

Chapter 23: Celebrating Christmas

Chapter 24: A Proud Moment

Chapter 25: Planning for College

Chapter 26: A Day to Celebrate

Chapter 27: Saving a Birthday Party

Chapter 28: Letting Go of the First Child

Chapter 29: Fine-Tuning College Plans

Chapter 30: A Special High School Graduation

Chapter 31: Finding Summer Jobs

Chapter 32: Adjusting to Big-City Life

Chapter 33: A Summer to Remember

Chapter 34: Helping to Earn Money for College

Chapter 35: Celebrating Number 25

Chapter 36: Handling the Good with the Bad

Chapter 37: A Loss and a Gain

Chapter 38: Meeting the Right One

Chapter 39: A Change in Jobs/A Change in Thinking

Chapter 40: An Adjustment for Granddaddy

Chapter 41: Facing a Major Illness

Chapter 42: Continuing the Education Process

Chapter 43: Mission Accomplished

Epilogue

Additional References

Notes

About the Author

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Fam'ly

How We Made It Over

Mary Joyce McNeil Flournoy

Copyright © 2023 Mary Joyce McNeil Flournoy

All rights reserved

First Edition

Fulton Books

Meadville, PA

Published by Fulton Books 2023

This story is a memoir, which reflects true experiences in my life as I recall them. Some names and places have been changed, and a few of the characters are composites to protect these individuals’ privacy. Every effort was made to portray events as they actually happened or how they were shared with me by the persons involved in them.

ISBN 978-1-64654-387-8 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63985-860-6 (hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-64654-388-5 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Acknowledgments

I would like to acknowledge the following for their roles in inspiring me to write this book:

God, for giving me the wisdom to appreciate and be thankful at an early age for the special family with whom He blessed me to be a part;

my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Sylvester McNeil Sr., whose commitment to making their lives and the lives of their children and families better served as my inspiration to share our story;

my maternal and paternal grandparents, aunts, and uncles, whose support and many expressions of love were always there for us;

my siblings, whom you will meet throughout this book, who helped fill in the gaps of our lives when my memory failed me and whose love has been unfailing;

my late husband, James M. Flournoy Sr., Esq., without whose encouragement this book would not have been finished and whose love I miss dearly;

my children, Dr. James M. Flournoy Jr., and my daughter-in-law, Maria Andrews Flournoy, and Joseph M. Flournoy, who have made me so proud of their accomplishments and their eagerness to follow in the paths of their ancestors to make their lives full and productive; and thanks to my sons, James and Joseph, for their recommendations and contributions to the artwork on the front cover of this book;

my grandchildren, Aiden Elise Flournoy and Falon Malia Flournoy, who make me so happy God blessed me with wonderful and precious descendants;

and to my other immediate and extended family members, whose lives intertwined with my family's lives and helped us have rewarding, happy, and meaningful experiences.

Chapter 1

Live on Love

The young girl squirms nervously as she stands before the older man, whose eyes glance and stare into hers as if seeking clarification for this encounter. They are standing in the parlor of the large, weathered, and unpainted clapboard house located in rural York County, South Carolina, in 1940. The room is spacious and warm and filled with pictures of the family and many bric-a-brac items or, as Daisy Jackson calls them, her whatnots. The incessant chatter of the chickens under the plank parlor floor, scratching the dirt for food, helps give sound to the unbearable quietness of the room above.

The man is of medium height and slightly muscular, and his dark-brown skin appears hardened from overexposure to too much sun and other harsh weather. His clothes are old and tattered, and his black hair, now mostly gray, blends in with his worn appearance. He seems tired, and the looks of his weather-beaten body make the girl want to reach out and protect him from any further suffering. As he stands before her, clutching the wide-brim straw hat he had removed from his head when he entered the room, Mary smiles up at him lovingly.

Frank Jackson had been down in the lower pasture plowing the land for the family's main garden when he heard his son, James, hollering for him to come to the house because someone was waiting in the parlor to see him. James sounded excited when he called out to him, so Frank had dropped the reins to the old mule and headed toward the house swiftly. He was glad to take a break and knew the mule was happy too. Now, as he stands before his daughter, Mary, and her friend Sam, he begins to calm down and breathe more evenly after realizing there does not seem to be an immediate danger in progress. That James! he mutters to himself. You can always count on him to exaggerate the seriousness of the situation!

Mary scrutinizes her father's eyes, trying to detect his reaction to Sam's request. She has never really had any serious problems with her father, whom she affectionately calls Papa, and she certainly doesn't want to start now because she loves him dearly.

Sam quickly glances down at Mary standing beside him, fearing she might have changed her mind, but she is continuing to hold his hand tightly and send supportive smiles his way. Sam has just finished stammering out to Mr. Jackson his wishes to marry Mary. As they wait for an answer, he needs her reassurance she still wants to be his wife.

Frank Jackson studies the couple standing before him. Mary, at nineteen, is a beautiful girl. Her Native American and African heritage weigh heavily in her features. High cheekbones dominate her angular-shaped face, and her long and wavy black hair cascades down her back to her hips. Short and petite, she has a body frame that is colored a light golden brown. But most striking of all are her playful dimples, which frame her face and give her a friendly and approachable appearance.

Sam's features are in direct contrast to Mary's. Tall and with a slightly solid build and broader facial features, he is physically characterized by more of his African heritage. His short woolly hair frames his rugged dark-brown handsome face. Although the difference in Mary's and Sam's ages is only four years, Sam's height and girth make him appear older and more experienced than Mary. Because of Sam's good looks, he is considered a great catch by the ladies. He is also friendly and talkative with a somewhat sheepish and shy smile, and once he knows you better, his smile can turn into large bales of infectious laughter. It is hard not to like him.

Frank Jackson is brought back from his pondering by the twitching of Mary's body. Her eyes implore upon him.

Sam starts to speak again. Mr. Jackson, sir, maybe you didn't hear me, sir. I asked your permission to marry—

I heard you, Sam, Mr. Jackson cuts in. I'm just worried about what you asked me. These are hard times because this country is still in a real bad depression. Right now, I don't even know if I've got enough crops stored up to get my family through the winter! Farming is—

I know what you are saying, sir, Sam nervously interrupts. But we aren't planning to stay here in York County. We want to live in Charlotte, North Car'lina.

How is that going to make a difference? Mr. Jackson asks with some frustration. You don't have a skill or a trade, and neither does Mary. How will you be able to get jobs? What are you going to live on, Sam?

Love, sir. We love each other very much, Sam says unabashedly and draws Mary closer to him.

Suddenly, loud peals of laughter ring out from under the parlor floor.

Live on love! James mimics Sam and crawls out from under the porch on the parlor side of the house, where he had been eavesdropping, and runs out toward the woods. Mason, his younger brother, scurries behind him, both doubling over with peals of laughter.

Boys! Frank Jackson calls after them angrily. I'll deal with you two later. You know I don't approve of people listening in on others' conversations.

As I was saying, Mr. Jackson, Sam continues, trying not to let James and Mason's antics distract him from his important mission, Mary and I want to live in Charlotte, North Car'lina, because I've heard that colored people can get jobs there and not have to depend on farming. Sam hurriedly adds in, not wanting to offend Mr. Jackson, Now don't get me wrong, sir. Farming is an honorable way to make a living, but I don't want to depend solely on farming to feed my fam'ly.

Frank Jackson is concerned about the situation unfolding before him, but he is also slightly amused. Love conquers all! he chuckles to himself.

But why the rush? he asks the young couple. Mary has only finished high school. Give her a chance to develop a skill or go to college. You need to go to college too.

Frank Jackson believes in encouraging his children to pursue higher education. Although he had not attended college, he taught school for years.

It was perfectly permissible in rural South Carolina during the early 1900s period for colored educators to teach with only a high school diploma.¹ Colored teachers were scarce.

I love Mary and want us to get married and live in Charlotte, Sam responds emphatically, because Mary and I both will have a better chance to learn skills in Charlotte, and I will have greater opportunities to get a good job there. Times are too bad for a colored man to try to go to college now. My folks don't have the extra money to send me, and I can't find a job around here that will pay me decent money because there are no big companies in York County, just farms. And farming is not bringing in good money for any of us right now. Mary and I are planning to work on getting skills in Charlotte right away.

Sensing that Mr. Jackson was not yet sold on his request to marry his daughter, Sam continues, Mary wants to study music. She's got a beautiful voice and can probably make something of herself using it one day. I like the medical field, and we both will be able to pick up the skills we need to work in these areas in Charlotte. We can't do this here in York County.

Mary stands by silently, although she wants to break in and help Sam out, but she knows Sam prefers to fight his own battles. So she shows her support by firmly gripping his hand tightly. Looking through the cracks of the wooden floor, Mary's eyes follow the movement of the chickens under the house. Their endless chatter used to be annoying, but today their noise lends comfort to the situation unfolding before her.

The Jackson family's house is old and drafty but typical of the homes in the area and, in some cases, could be called above average. To Mary, it is a beautiful place. Her mother's domesticity and love for her family are reflected in every corner. This is a home of close family ties, and Mary knows she will terribly miss this place and her family if she and Sam move to live in Charlotte. Mary's heart is beating fast when Mr. Jackson finally begins to address Sam's defense for their marriage.

Well, Sam, Mr. Jackson responds, I want to be fair with you, but I need to talk to Daisy first. There are just so many things I don't think the two of you have thought about.

Oh, Mama will approve, Papa, Mary blurts out, no longer able to restrain herself. I could tell she knew what Sam wanted to talk to you about before you came in from the field, and she was smiling.

Let me talk to Daisy myself, Mr. Jackson tells her. You two wait here in the parlor.

*****

When Frank Jackson enters the kitchen, he finds Daisy sitting at the big round oak table. This table, with its rickety legs, has been in the Jackson household for years. Each nick on its surface holds its own story. With her grayish-black hair in its usual upsweep style, pinned with a clamp at the top of her head, her short medium-brown frame is bent over the task occupying her attention for the moment—shelling peas in preparation for today's dinner. Fresh corn and tomatoes are placed close by, revealing to Frank what will be on the menu.

The Jackson family eats what they produce. Frank and his six sons and four daughters grow what is typical of the region—corn, green beans, tomatoes, squash, cabbage, okra, collards, turnips, watermelons, cantaloupes, and peppers. They also have cattle, chicken, pigs, and horses on their farm. Daisy is a great cook and homemaker, and she has trained her children, especially her daughters, how to keep house and take care of a large family too. Daisy and Frank both are hardworking, religious, and proud people. It is important to them to instill their values in their children.

Daisy knows from Frank's concerned look when he enters the room what he wants to discuss. So what was your answer to Mary Eunice and Sam's wishes? she asks Frank.

Frank sits at the table across from Daisy and thinks for a moment. Then he speaks solemnly. "Well, Daisy, I am a little mixed in my emotions. Mary Eunice and Sam are obviously very much in love, but I do worry about how they are going to make it in this depression. Although President Roosevelt has promised everybody there will be a better day with his New Deal² program in terms of farm relief, those programs have not significantly affected our lives yet. Most times, we're doing good to see meat once a week in this house. No, there's no prosperity around here. Times are still hard!"

You're right, Frank, but remember we didn't have much when we started out, and we made it all right. Sam seems like a bright and hardworking young man. Miss Agnes said he has always helped his daddy on the farm and that he's real responsible, responds Daisy.

Frank has always been amused with Daisy's reliance on people like Miss Agnes for her source of information. But Miss Agnes does seem to know everybody's business, and most of the time, her sources are accurate. Ms. Agnes and Daisy, along with a couple of other women in York, South Carolina, a sleepy town in the north central part of the state, are quilting buddies. Weekly, they get together to sew clothes and bedding for their families. Their sewing gatherings always generate lively conversations and tons of gossip.

Do you know Mary Eunice and Sam want to settle in Charlotte instead of around here? Frank asks Daisy with a tone of concern in his voice.

Now, Frank, Daisy says, patting Frank's hands lovingly, those children will be fine. Miss Agnes is always saying Charlotte is a good place to live in because it's growing so fast, and there are lots of jobs. Besides, there's nothing here but farming.

Miss Agnes's knowledge base about Charlotte is considered credible by her neighbors since she has relatives who already live in Charlotte.

But, Daisy, what about Mary Eunice's schooling? I think she's smart enough to go to college. Remember, my brother, Sam, told us he is willing to help us send some of our children to college.

Yes, I remember, Frank, what Sam said, but we can't make Mary Eunice stay if she's already made up her mind to marry Sam McNeil, Daisy declares. We don't want them to elope without our blessings, do we? You know I'm just as concerned about this situation as you are, but I see that look in her eyes and know she isn't going to let him go to Charlotte without her. So we'll just have to make the best of this problem.

Frank knows what Daisy is saying is true, but he still believes Mary Eunice might be jumping into marriage too soon. Frank also knows Mary Eunice loves to sing jazz. Often, he can hear her singing Ella Fitzgerald tunes, her favorites, around the house, and her voice is promising. Shouldn't we encourage Mary Eunice to try to make use of her talents? Frank questions himself.

Here's another thing, Daisy. Mary Eunice has a great voice, and she's always singing because she wants to be a jazz singer. Isn't there a way we can help her develop her voice before she goes running off getting married?

"She can do that better in Charlotte than she can here, Frank. Charlotte has schools where she can get musical training. Mary Eunice can go to school there and develop her musical abilities in voice and piano—things she can't take around here."

It sounds like you have already made up your mind on them getting married, Daisy, and I guess I have to agree with you, says Frank resignedly. "She certainly can't be any worse off in Charlotte as we are here. If President Roosevelt doesn't provide us farmers with some more relief soon, we are all going to perish!"

We'll be fine, Frank. The Lord will make a way for us and for Mary Eunice and Sam too.

Well, Daisy, looks like we just gained a new son. Now how many sons does that make for us? Frank jokes.

*****

Daisy finishes cutting the corn off the cob and prepares it for frying in the big black skillet. She picks up a few more pieces of kindling from the woodbox beside the stove and places it inside the black stove. More heat is needed