In Search of My Heart

By Carol Amon McGehe and Lawrence Kemp McGehe

Miriam grows up in the loving arms of her strict religious family in first-century Israel. Tender-hearted yet strong, Miriam finds great difficulty in suppressing her opinions, particularly about the Romans who occupy her village. Mama repeatedly cautions her not to rush too quickly into the mysterious parts of life she does not yet understand, but Miriam has definite views regarding her life and a strong desire for adventure.

When tragedy enters her young life, bitterness and disillusionment replace the joy she has always known. Through a series of events intertwined with Biblical accounts, Miriam's path converges with scriptural women who have met the Messiah. As she joins the women traveling with Jesus and his disciples, her long-held beliefs are challenged.

A captivating tale for men, women, and teens, Miriam's story immerses readers in the history, culture, and politics of first-century Israel. People of different faiths will learn the history of the Jewish people of this time and how the ministry of Jesus impacted the lives of both his followers and his enemies.

This compelling story of love overcoming loss, and enduring faith conquering doubt and unbelief, transcends time. Miriam helps us see ourselves in these ageless, yet very personal issues.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Oct 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9798350926712

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Copyright © 2023 McGehe Books, Daytona Beach, Florida USA

First Edition 2023

ISBN: 979-8-35091-824-3 (print)

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We dedicate this book to our parents

Robert and Miriam Amon

and

Douglas and Cecile McGehe,

each of whom loved us unselfishly

and

always encouraged

us to pursue our dreams.

CONTENTS

How to Enjoy This Book

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Notes

Map 1: Israel in New Testament Times

Map 2: Jerusalem in Jesus’ Day

Map 3: The Temple Mount

Partial List of Characters by Families

Alphabetical List of Characters

Acknowledgments

About the Authors

HOW TO ENJOY THIS BOOK

In Search of My Heart is a work of biblical historical fiction set in first-century Israel, when the Romans occupied and ruled over the Hebrew people of the land. You will learn about the people, the land, the culture, the governing powers, the politics, and the emotions of this time through Miriam, the daughter of a Jewish scribe, who tells us her story in the first person. You will also learn how the ministry of Jesus changed not only Miriam and her family but the entire landscape of history.

Some readers will be interested in reading this book to learn the history of this time and place and become more familiar with the geography of Israel and surrounding areas during the time of Jesus. For those readers, we provide an extensive body of notes and three different maps at the end of the book. Throughout the story, we reference the notes as footnotes. We suggest that readers interested in the notes wait until the end of each chapter to go through that chapter’s notes. In this way, the reader will maintain the flow of the story and appreciate the valuable information in the notes in the proper context.

Other readers may be more interested in the biblical context of the story’s events. Again, the notes at the end of the book tell readers where in the Bible they can find the biblical events of Miriam’s story.

Other readers may be looking for an exciting story and be less concerned with the facts and references. However you choose to read this book, you will find plenty of intrigue in this story and a few surprises along the way.

Many readers may not be familiar with stories written in the first person. You may find that being inside Miriam’s head and viewing life solely through her eyes is a different style for you. Through this style, you will get to know Miriam and view this time period through the eyes of a woman as you hear the events of her life and experience the depth of her opinions and feelings firsthand.

Because Miriam encounters so many interesting people, you may discover a place in her story where you need a reminder of who the character is or the character’s role. At the end of the book, we provide a list of characters by families as well as an alphabetical listing. Within these lists, you will see notations that clarify which characters are named in scripture, which are unnamed in the Bible but for whom we have provided a fictional name, and those who are strictly fictional characters.

Lastly, the prologue and each chapter begin with a verse from the Hebrew scriptures. The Hebrew language version is first, followed by the English rendering from the New International Version of the Life Application Bible. Even though these scriptures foreshadow the events of each chapter, we strongly encourage you to reread each one after you have finished the chapter to better understand the scriptural application.

Whether you are interested in delving into the religion and culture of the first-century Jewish people and their struggle under Roman oppression, investigating biblical history, broadening your knowledge of Jesus Christ, or merely enjoying a good story, this book is for you.

"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.

Do not fear disgrace, you will not be humiliated.

You will forget the shame of your youth

and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

For your Maker is your husband—

the Lord Almighty is his name—

The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;

he is called the God of all the earth.

The Lord will call you back

as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—

A wife who married young,

only to be rejected," says your God.

"For a brief moment I abandoned you,

but with deep compassion I will bring you back …"

—Isaiah 54:4–7

PROLOGUE

How many times can my heart be emptied of its very essence? My joy, my life, my spirit died with him yesterday. He seemed to go to his death willingly, without defending himself. The dark clouds in today’s sky and the trembling of the earth yesterday mirror my shaken foundation and the darkness in my heart. Twice before, this pain has engulfed me. Bitterness and disillusionment now return as my loyal companions.

Surrounded by my loving family as a little girl in Kerioth, I dreamed noble dreams of romance filled with joy and purpose. There would be no room for darkness in my life. The festivities in my home and village brought laughter, love, and hope for the future.

Papa would wrestle with Jude, Joshua, and baby Benjamin, as fathers do with their sons. He would gently brush Martha’s hair from her face and look at her with his warm, brown eyes, as he often did with Mama. But I knew that Papa loved me with a different and very special warmth. Often in the evening, just before I went to sleep, Papa would hold my face in his hands and gently say, My little Miriam, you are a shining light that touches your papa’s soul.

Now at age nineteen, dare I hope for light again? Can even a glimmer find its way into the anguish of my heart? I long for those loving days in the warmth of my family’s comfort …

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

—Deuteronomy 5:16

CHAPTER ONE

Miriam, come in now. We must begin our new project!

I usually like my mother’s excitement over new projects. This time, though, I would rather stay outside and continue the adventures my friend Samuel and I are creating in our own world. Samuel dreams of becoming a great leader who will speak so wisely in the synagogue that people will stop what they are doing to listen to his every word. For now, I am the only one listening as he practices his speeches. He puffs out his chest to look like a ferocious warrior and stretches as far as he can trying to stand taller than I am. I watch his sparkling, dark eyes and sunbaked face as he speaks. Then with a wave of his arm, he becomes a man in battle, overtaking the Romans who stand guard outside the gates of our village. Samuel then moves toward me, pretending to come home weary from the fighting, and shares his stories of victory with me.

We like to play games, too. Sometimes, Samuel’s four sisters and my little brother, Joshua, join us and some other boys in the village. We carve games into the hard desert ground and use stones to play. I like three-in-a-row the best, but the boys like a battle game with armies of colored pebbles from different lands fighting to take over each other’s territories. They look determined and serious but then jump up and down, waving their hands in the air when their side wins.

In our favorite ball game, one person tosses the ball high above our heads, and everyone tries to keep the ball from falling to the ground. We can use only one hand and must hold our other hand behind our backs. This is hard, especially when we start laughing and stumble over each other. We have hit our ball so many times that the feathers are coming out through the rips in the cloth. I must ask Mama to restuff our ball and sew the holes together for us. I also like to run, hide, and jump, unlike my sister Martha, who is happy to stay in our house with Mama, learning everything girls should learn. When I am playing with Samuel, I never want the day to end or to go inside.

Miriam, come now. We must begin.

Once inside, I sit on a cushion Mama made for me. I see Mama’s touch everywhere in our home. The dolls Mama made for Martha and me sit on the soft blankets she wove for us. She chose just the right colors for each of our blankets—yellow gold for me and purple for Martha—and added flower-like designs for us. Our brothers’ blankets are just right for each of them, too.

She has decorated our home simply with candles, and a small white and yellow-striped iris rests in a pottery dish on our table. Mama said that having this flower in our home helps us see the beauty hidden all around us. In our desert heat, flowers are difficult to find. They surprise us by popping up through the cracks in the ground after the winter rains. Mama made sure to find one for our home.

Cooking utensils neatly hang near the wood stove, and a loaf of bread is cooling on a small shelf. Our home puts its arms around me like a warm cloak, and Mama hugs me just as warmly.

Maybe I should at least try to show some interest in Mama’s project, especially since Martha does the household chores I used to do. Mama had said that once Martha became eight and I became nine, Martha would take on the simpler tasks so I could learn the harder things women need to know.

Mama, why do I have to learn how to weave?

Dear one, even though you are only a young girl, you must begin now to prepare for the wedding day that your papa and your brother Jude will arrange for you. Did you know they will offer your future husband a special cloak woven by your own hand? As your groom proceeds to our home to take you as his bride, he will proudly wear this cloak. What a grand day that will be!

Oh, Mama, I will make the cloak red, and Samuel will be proud to wear it. He will look so handsome.

Mama stops what she is doing and looks surprised. Samuel? Why do you think Samuel will be your husband?

Who else would Papa and Jude choose? Samuel is the only boy in the village who knows everything about me and still likes me! Papa and Jude love me, and they know I like Samuel. Of course, they will choose him.

Mama’s voice is serious. I do not know, my child. You are moving much too quickly. This decision is an important one for our family and your future. The choice will be in your papa and brother’s hands, not mine, and especially not yours as a young girl. Do not worry about who will wear the cloak when you do not even know how to weave. Remember, Miriam, you must live your life in an orderly manner and not rush ahead into the mysterious parts you do not yet understand.

Yes, Mama, but can the cloak still be red?

Of course. Any man would be proud to wear your red cloak.

I love adventure. I love the stories that Samuel and I weave as we let our imaginations go wild. I always thought that when I got older, I would have more time to be with Samuel, but now that I am twelve, I am not sure I like growing up. Weaving and household chores are not what I would choose to do, but I do enjoy spending time with Martha and talking to her. She is kind and will listen to me when no one else will. She seems to understand me even though we are nothing alike.

Last night after supper, Papa turned to me with a very serious look. You cannot keep playing outside with the boys and younger children now that you are growing into a woman. Young women need to learn how to take care of the home. Besides, Samuel is busy with his studies at our synagogue. He will soon enter into manhood and leave the games of children behind.

How strange to think of Samuel as a man. Men are old, and he is still a boy. I have noticed changes in him, though. He no longer needs to puff out his chest to look strong. His shoulders are bigger, and he has grown taller than I am. His voice sounds lower, and I have seen men respectfully talking with him. He also looks at me with different eyes, and I wonder what he is thinking. Does Samuel still dream his big dreams? I know I do, so certainly he must.

I think Mama shares my hope that Samuel and I will marry. As I practice my weaving under Mama’s watchful eye, I realize that her lessons are much more about Mama weaving the truths of life into me than weaving cloth. She talks to me about my future life when I am married and bearing children. She often slips and uses Samuel’s name when she refers to my husband. I secretly smile when she does that, and I never correct her.

I hope someday I will be as beautiful as Mama. I love her smooth, bronze skin and shiny dark hair. She is smaller than most of the women in the village. Being small might be difficult for some, but Mama can do anything she decides to do. She moves from one task to another, so sure of herself, and displays a grace I admire. I pray that God will allow me to grow into a woman like Mama.

Because Mama is a midwife here in Kerioth, she knows many families. When she returns from helping with the birth of one of our village’s new babies, I always beg her to tell me all the exciting details. She reminds me that I should not ask about private matters. I am not even sure what she means when she says that. Even though she will not answer all of my questions, she teaches me much of what she has learned.

A few days ago, she started talking about choosing names for children. I never thought about that before. I thought parents chose something pretty or strong sounding and named the baby.

I noticed Mama’s cheeks reddened as she began to tell me more. Miriam, you must pray that you will choose just the right names for your children. I remember feeling a little embarrassed when I found out why my papa and mama chose Rebekah for me. My name means ‘a rope with a noose.’

Mama! What were they thinking?

Slow down, Miriam. You are rushing ahead again. ‘A rope with a noose’ means ‘a young woman whose beauty captivates men.’ Now you know why I felt embarrassed.

But, Mama, you are beautiful. No wonder Papa loved you from the first day he saw you. Why are you turning red, Mama?

Do not constantly interrupt me. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, you must always look deeper into the meaning of the name and learn about the person for whom you are named. You know that in our prayers, we remember the fathers of our faith. The first is Abraham. God called him to leave everything he knew to follow wherever God led, which Abraham did. Then miraculously, Isaac, the second father of our faith, was born to Abraham and Sarah when they were both very old. And, the third father of our faith was Isaac’s son, Jacob, whose sons were the leaders of the twelve tribes of Israel.

I do remember these stories Papa has shared with us, but what does this have to do with the meaning of names?

Yes, yes. I was getting to that. I am named for Rebekah, the wife of Isaac. Rebekah was Abraham’s daughter-in-law, Isaac’s wife, and Jacob’s mother. Miriam, think what a blessing God bestowed upon Rebekah. She certainly made some mistakes, but God used her mistakes, even when she occasionally moved ahead of God’s plans. That explains why I always caution you to think and pray to the God of Israel before you rush into life so quickly.¹

Mama keeps reminding me of my rushing-into-life problem. Sometimes I cannot help myself, Mama. I have so many thoughts, questions, and things I want to do. Why did you call me ‘Miriam’? Does my name mean ‘woman of wonder, dreams, and excitement’?

Well … Not exactly, Miriam. When I tell you what your name means, you must give me a chance to explain. Promise?

Yes, yes, please tell me, Mama.

Miriam means ‘obstinacy and rebellion’. Mama quickly raises her hand before I have a chance to respond. "We knew as soon as you were born that Miriam suited you perfectly. You were born feet first, and the first scream out of your mouth sounded like an obstinate ‘Why-y-y?’

"Because you were our second child and first daughter, and we hoped to have more children, we wanted you to pattern your life after Moses’ sister, Miriam. She took special care of her little brother during our people’s slavery in Egypt. Miriam’s mother told her to place Moses in a basket in the river to save his life from Pharaoh’s command to kill the newborn Hebrew boys. Miriam hid behind the reeds and watched baby Moses until Pharaoh’s daughter found him. Soon after, Miriam asked the Egyptian princess if she could take Moses back to one of the Hebrew women until he was weaned. When the princess agreed, Miriam returned Moses to his own mother. Because of Miriam’s courage, Moses lived his first few years with his mother and family and after growing up in the palace of the Pharoah, returned to his people, our people.

Then through the hand of God, Moses delivered the people of Israel in that day from the bonds of slavery in Egypt, presented them with the Law of God, and led them through the desert toward the Promised Land.

I love this story. I like being named after Miriam. What else do you know about her?

"Well, Miriam remained brave as she, Moses, and their brother Aaron led our people out of slavery in Egypt. After passing through the dry bottom of the Red Sea, opened by Jehovah for our people to escape, Miriam summoned as many of the Israelite women as she could. They danced with their tambourines, proclaiming, ‘I will sing to the Lord, for he is highly exalted. The horse and its rider he has hurled into the sea.’² As you can see, she was full of life."

Oh, Mama, thank you for naming me after Miriam. I like her spirit.

As you know, Miriam, we are all only human, and with a name that means ‘rebellion,’ you must realize that Miriam was not perfect. Without thinking of the consequences, she later spoke against Moses in a cruel and selfish way. In anger, God afflicted her with leprosy. Moses loved her so much that he pleaded with God to heal her, and God granted mercy to Miriam. So, heed my words, dear one, and learn from Miriam’s disobedience.

People’s names are important. I have been thinking about the stories of Rebekah and Miriam ever since last year when Mama told me how suited their names were for them. I have practiced thinking and praying before I move too quickly into saying or doing what I should not, but I do not always remember.

When I rush ahead too quickly, my sister Martha calms my spirit. I asked Mama about Martha’s name, and just as I might have guessed, Martha means lady. Martha’s skin glows as beautifully as Mama’s. She always keeps herself neat and clean, while I most often look like a mess when I do the same work. I know that Martha will continue to grow into a woman of beauty. Even though a year younger, Martha, at age eleven, stands as tall as I am. She possesses a gentleness and wisdom I admire. Now that we are no longer little girls, we are both thinking about our futures. I appreciate more than ever the steady way Martha thinks and the way she understands and accepts my restless spirit.

During our Sabbath the other day, we sat on our roof looking across the tops of the other houses and at the hills along the ridge. I was anxious, as I often get on the Sabbath when there is nothing to do. Where are you now, Miriam? What great land are you visiting? What plot are you weaving in that curious imagination of yours?

Oh, Martha, I love to think about places I have never seen. Do you ever wonder about the Temple in Jerusalem? Our synagogue is so small, hardly more than a gathering place, but how grand the Temple must be. We could get lost in its courtyards, and no one would ever find us!

Her reply was so typical of Martha. "And this sounds exciting to you? I admit I think about Jerusalem and the crowds of people living there and especially all the shops. But, Miriam, I would rather live in our small village with people I know. They love and accept me. I cannot say that I love collecting our water, but when I spend time with you, Mama, and the other women and girls at the cistern as we laugh, work, and tell our stories, I realize how much I love our life here.³

"Oh, Miriam. Did you laugh until you could not breathe that day when Aunt Sarah told us about Uncle Eli and their boys celebrating the sale of their animals? Can you see them dancing around and shouting at everyone about their success?

"Do you believe those foolish Roman guards thought Uncle Eli and his sons were starting a riot? I do not understand why the guards are here. Why does Rome care about our little village in the middle of the desert? The Roman officials get so upset over the smallest incidents. What kind of riot do they think anyone here is going to start? They do not understand how we do things in our village, although I admit our Uncle Eli can be a little odd. These guards always jump to conclusions.

Kerioth is not like Jerusalem, after all. The guards must have scared Uncle Eli and the boys half to death when they crept up behind them and shouted, ‘Stop, in the name of Caesar!’ Aunt Sarah said Uncle Eli and the boys jumped to attention, wide-eyed, then slumped into a heap when the soldiers left. Can you imagine? Between them and the Romans, that certainly was a lot of commotion over the sale of two scrawny baby donkeys! How careful do we have to be around these jittery Roman guards?

We both sat there laughing. That was funny, Martha, but the stories I imagine are much more romantic and exciting. Have you heard Papa and Jude discussing our betrothals? I long for them to choose Samuel for me. They must choose Samuel! I know now that I have always loved him. He speaks to my heart without saying a word.

Martha smiled and nodded, looking toward the house of Naomi, Kerioth’s matchmaker. Naomi is always into everyone’s business, but the sight of her wrinkled grandmotherly face and her job of finding just the right matches in our village cause people to love her dearly and forgive her meddling.

Naomi thinks you and Samuel are the perfect match, too. Since you were a little girl, you have whispered into her matchmaking ear, begging her to suggest Samuel to Papa as your betrothed. From what all the women are saying, she seems to have heard you.

Suddenly, Martha’s voice turned from laughter and hope for Samuel and me into fear. "But, Miriam, why do you think Papa is considering possible matches for me, who live so far from Kerioth? One family lives even farther than Jerusalem, far beyond our distant hills. The other lives in a town that requires traveling miles beyond Jerusalem and then sailing across part of the Great Sea.⁴ At least he now studies in Jerusalem, so maybe he will stay there. You are the one who wants to go to faraway places. How can I leave our family to marry either of these men? If only you could come with me, Miriam, but you will already be married to Samuel."

I, too, became concerned. Has Papa told you the names of these men or anything about their families?

No, Papa would not tell me anything. Jude promised to tell me in secret when Papa is not around, but I am not sure I want to go behind Papa’s back like that.

Oh, Martha. This is your life we are talking about. I think I saw Jude earlier, and Papa is not home yet. Let us go find him right now. Come, Martha, do I have to drag you?

We found Jude sitting on a wall near our home. After checking carefully to be sure no one else was nearby, I began quietly prodding him. Jude, tell us about the men Papa is considering for Martha.

Jude’s expression became quite serious. You cannot let Papa know I told either of you anything about this. This conversation must remain our secret. Do you promise?

Martha became tense. Jude, maybe you should not tell us anything. Papa would be furious with you, Miriam, and me.

I could not help myself. Of course you should, Jude. Go ahead. Hurry and tell us.

"Keep your voice down, Miriam. One of them is named John, son of Andrew from Cana. He is sixteen, so five years older than you are, Martha, and he has three brothers and two sisters. Papa and I know his family from our trips to the feasts in Jerusalem.

"When Papa first met John and his older brothers, he discovered they have great wealth from their olive groves and grain trade. We both think that John would be an asset to our family and perfect for you, Martha. Papa enjoys the company of John’s father, but he is also considering another possible match.

"We do not know as much about him since he is from Tarsus of Cilicia, a town across the eastern side of the Great Sea.⁵ He is a bright young man named Saul, who is studying in Jerusalem under Gamaliel, one of the leading Pharisees of the Sanhedrin.⁶ During our last trip to the feasts, Gamaliel told Papa how inspired he is by Saul’s keen understanding of the scriptures and the Pharisaic laws. Papa was also impressed with Saul’s knowledge and how confident and outspoken he is for a young man of fifteen.

"Miriam, since you are now twelve and older than Martha, Papa had assumed that whichever man he chose would become your betrothed. I quickly reminded Papa that you had your heart set on Samuel and that Naomi has already talked to Samuel’s family. Papa muttered something, as he always does when he should know something but has forgotten. He immediately realized his good fortune in having choices among several fine men for his only two daughters.

Of course, when the time comes in a year or two, you will marry first, Miriam, here in Kerioth. About a year later, Martha, you will marry in Cana or wherever Papa arranges with Saul’s family. We will see John, Saul, and their fathers in Jerusalem next year at the fall feasts. Maybe Papa will finalize the plans for your engagement then, Martha. Do not forget, not a word to Papa. Here he comes.

Now that I think over Martha’s and my conversation with Jude that day, I realize that I could not face Papa’s disappointment if he knew we had all broken his trust. Papa’s love fuels that shining light of mine that touches his soul. I admire him so.

Papa is a scribe and everyone in the village loves and respects him for his kindness and wisdom. I still do not fully understand how parents can name their children so perfectly when they are tiny babies. Simon, our papa’s name, means to hear, be heard. How perfect for a scribe. Papa’s love for our God speaks through his every act. And his laugh … Oh, my! He stands only a little taller than Mama, but with his big belly, he shakes all over when he loses himself in a hearty laugh. Papa does love to eat. He thoroughly enjoys life, but when he gets upset, his face turns bright red, and we all worry for his health. I should not have insisted that Jude tell us these secrets.

Jude and I have a special relationship. Even though he is four years older than I