A Shadow Upon His Soul: A Gripping Story of Survival and Forbidden Love in WW2 London

By Ophélie Caton

The Nazis have invaded Denmark. Blond, blue-eyed Karl Nielsen is a perfect target.

 

Seventeen-year-old Karl's future doesn't look good in April 1940 Denmark. German soldiers are raiding farms in the countryside just like his family's to draft those that look like him.

 

His father can't bear th

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ophélie Caton Books
• Release date: Oct 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9791041525447

Book preview

A Shadow Upon His Soul: A Gripping Story of Survival and Forbidden Love in WW2 London

ISBN # 979-10-415-2544-7

©Copyright Ophélie Caton 2023

Cover Art by Betty Martinez ©Copyright 2023

Edited by Sarah Smeaton

This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the author, Ophélie Caton.

Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, Ophélie Caton. Unauthorised or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.

The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator of the artwork.

Published in 2023 by Ophélie Caton

The WW2 Hidden Lives Series

A SHADOW UPON HIS SOUL: A GRIPPING STORY OF SURVIVAL AND FORBIDDEN LOVE IN WW2 LONDON

Ophélie Caton

Book one in The WW2 Hidden Lives Series

The Nazis have invaded Denmark. Blond, blue-eyed Karl Nielsen is a perfect target.

Seventeen-year-old Karl’s future doesn’t look good in April 1940 Denmark. German soldiers are raiding farms in the countryside just like his family’s to draft those that look like him.

His father can’t bear the thought of his son in Hitler’s army and swiftly ships him off to England to escape forced selection. He may never see his family again. Across the North Sea, Karl is shattered as he steps off a boat in an unfamiliar land, spending his nights sleeping on benches.

Aware of the atrocities overseas, Robert and Margaret Hopkins step in and offer him not only a place to sleep, but the warm embrace of a family. As the threat of the war looms large everywhere, Karl forms an intense attachment and attraction to George, the Hopkins’ nephew, who is in mourning the death of his own partner in the war. Karl is startled and confused by his feelings. But he knows them to be true.

Karl and George must keep their entanglements secret, as they both overcome the intense grief of their losses and the judgment of society. Their clandestine relationship may not survive conservative propaganda of the times, or the war, which takes no prisoners.

A powerful and important queer, coming-of-age novel set in World War II England, this is an irresistible read for historical fiction lovers, and anyone with a heart.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

― Winston Churchill

Chapter 1

April 1940

This time, I’m gonna do it, Karl stated, his head held high. He moved closer to the thing that had been his arch enemy for so long, his fist clenched and stride lively. This time I’m gonna empty the manure pit without running away after less than one minute spent in it.

He had always found it disgusting, for as long as he could remember. Well, who could possibly like such a thing? Only the pigs.

Taking a deep breath, he went down into it, and it took everything he had to stay put and not throw up. Well, it would have made some more fertiliser if he had. Even though he doubted its quality.

He kept breathing heavily, thinking he would never see the end, the mix of manure and sweat making him scrunch his face multiple times as he shovelled hard, moaning. When he was finally done, he skipped around the hellish hole, pumping his fist in the air, a wide grin plastered on his face.

Almost eighteen years old and after all this time, he had finally managed to do what should be just a simple chore. He had scolded himself so many times for it because the work needed to be done.

See? You could do it, he spoke aloud. It wasn’t that hard. I wish we could have machines to do it though. It would be so much easier.

He stared at the manure pit for a while, his hands on his hips, like a proud soldier in his victory. He had to tell his parents about it, and went looking for them. They couldn’t be far. As he was walking in the direction of the house, he frowned as he saw a group of men leaving, the sound of their steps echoing through the pasture making him shiver, but they were not close enough to notice his presence. They were definitely not farmers, given they were wearing dull-coloured uniforms he had never seen before. And if they had been, he would have recognised them.

He turned his attention to searching for his parents and saw them near the barn.

The thunder of their voices roaring in the distance made him flinch. Was it about the men he had just seen? Or about him once again? He shook his head as he stopped in his tracks, observing them from a distance. Their roaring didn’t die down, and they looked ready to pounce on each other. They both fell silent after a while, frozen on the spot, avoiding each other’s gaze. Karl shook his head. They usually never acted that way with each other, so he was sure their attitude had something to do with those men coming here.

What were they waiting for?

Although he couldn’t hear what had been said from where he was, he could still sense that something wasn’t right. He wasn’t stupid.

What’s going on? Who were those men? he asked as soon as he was near them.

His parents didn’t reply. His father just glanced away, sighing. His mother looked more worried than he had ever seen her, the lines on face somehow more pronounced than he remembered.

Karl looked back at them, his gaze going back and forth between his father and his mother. I have a right to know, he said.

He flinched as his mother’s features became harder, his father’s brow furrowing. I— Karl began hesitantly.

Just go inside, his father demanded. Farm work is over for today.

His father’s harsh words made Karl wobble as he flinched once again, shivers spreading through his whole body.

He looked at his feet before giving a last glance at his parents, then turned back to the house.

Once inside, he went to his room, deeming it the best thing to do in this rather awkward situation. He closed the door and sat on the edge of his bed. It was far from comfortable but better than sleeping on the hard floor. His room was bare, without any other furniture to fill the void, only the small bed to sleep in, placed against the wall opposite the door. It was all he needed, somewhere to sleep. The cracked walls were white, not a clean or pure white, but rather a dirty white, and there were no curtains or shutters for the single window to hide the moonlight. Karl would contemplate the bright light that shone through the glass every time dark thoughts assaulted his mind and weighed on his heart.

He didn’t know what to do, so he remained silent and still on his bed, his hands resting in his lap. He was so used to toiling on the farm and in the fields all day long that he didn’t know how to keep himself busy when he was alone with no work to do.

He stared blankly at the door, wondering what his parents could be doing meanwhile.

At some point, he became aware of some noise, which could only have been his parents’ voices.

He stood up from his bed and moved next to the door, opening it as discreetly and slowly as possible so it was slightly ajar.

You can’t do that! his mother shouted angrily, making him start.

He couldn’t see what was happening, but hearing was enough.

We have no choice, Inge! Don’t you understand? There is no other way!

Of course we have a choice! Don’t say such silly things! You’ve completely lost your mind, my poor Aleksander! We can’t send Karl to England! He will know no one there, he will have nowhere to live, and he does not even speak English! He will never survive on his own there!

I’d rather send my son to a foreign country which he doesn’t know at all than let the Nazis take him away, his father replied in a stern tone. Over my dead body would I let that happen!

I wish you could hear yourself… Why do you hate the Nazis so much? They won’t do anything to Karl, they won’t hurt him! They may have ideals that you don’t like, but it’d be safer for Karl to go with them rather than for him to be lost in a country full of people we don’t know and cannot trust.

You really don’t understand, do you? They will send him to Germany, and maybe God knows where! Now that they have annexed Denmark, they won’t stop there! They will go on until they reach France and maybe further away! Do you really want our own son to become one of them? A merciless and heartless soldier who kills innocent people for an absurd cause?

Karl frowned at his father’s words. Being now almost eighteen, he wasn’t a child anymore. He knew that much, but as for the rest… He tilted his head to the side as his parents’ voices faded, the only noise left the sound of his ragged breathing. He frowned, humming to himself before opening his mouth wide, trying to figure the scene out. Could it be that his mother hadn’t dared reply to his father? The woman who could make anyone run away with one single look and who was usually the bossy one?

Well, she isn’t used to seeing Dad act so angry… He gulped. Neither am I…

He will leave the house tonight. I know some people who can help. There are Danes who are going to England to escape the Nazi invasion. Those who will fight to free our country. He was much calmer as he said that, but his tone was still stern and grave. Our army is not powerful enough to stand against them alone. Our ancestors were a race of warriors, we have that heritage. Better now to flee and live to fight another day.

Karl closed his door and leaned against it, letting himself slip onto the floor, his mouth and eyes both wide as he took in his father’s words that fell on him like heavy rain.

****

The sea looked even more beautiful after the sunset. It wasn’t completely dark yet, and the sky offered a wonderful show of pastel colours that reflected on the water.

When they arrived at the dock, a man was there waiting for them. Karl’s father shook his hand, and they smiled at each other, a warm genuine smile that only two friends could share.

Karl’s head was still whirling from everything that had happened this morning. His father had barely taken the time to explain to him that he had to go aboard a boat that would take him to England, and they’d left in a hurry, his mother refusing to bid him goodbye and giving his father the cold shoulder.

Thank you again for taking my son with you.

The man nodded. No problem. But…if I may ask, why aren’t you and Inge leaving with him?

We can’t abandon our house and land, even if that’s not much. It’s all we possess… But don’t worry, Karl is an intelligent young man, he will manage on his own. He doesn’t need us anymore. I have faith in him, his father said, smiling. He glanced at his son, a hint of pride in his voice.

The man nodded again. Alright. Then you should bid farewell so we can leave.

His dad stared into Karl’s eyes before taking a hold of his shoulders. Karl was quite tall for his age, practically six feet, but his father was taller still. Karl’s already pounding heart accelerated even more, each beat blasting into his ears, and he kept shifting his weight from one foot to another. His father stared at him with the gravest look he had ever seen on his face.

Karl, no matter whatever ordeals you have to face, I know you will overcome all of them with courage because you are our son. My son. We’ll see each other again. I just don’t know how long it will take until you can come back home. Never forget that you have Danish blood flowing through your veins, so don’t fear, resist, and fight back if you have to.

Karl remained silent, looking away from his father and shaking his head, all the air around them not enough for him to breathe. His dad let go of his shoulders to hug him tightly, and Karl shivered, hugging his father back only after a while.

I love you, my son, his father whispered, trembling as he tightened his hold on Karl.

Soon enough, tears were starting to well up in Karl’s eyes as well, blurring his vision. He bit his lower lip hard so he could hold them back.

Boys didn’t cry, especially those with Danish blood, the descendants of the Viking people, warriors.

His heart sank in his stomach, his father’s trembling intensifying just like his own sobbing. Karl found himself seized with endless shuddering as a tear rolled down his cheek, then another, and another, and so on. They wouldn’t stop falling.

He hugged his father back just as tightly, his face now soaked.

Alright, he had always dreamt of leaving that farm to join his siblings in Copenhagen, but he didn’t want to leave for another country which he knew nothing about. He didn’t want to leave his father. Not like this.

Remember: always stay strong and never forget that we love you, his father whispered in between sobs, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

I love you too… Karl whispered back feebly.

The boatman was observing them from the main deck, leaning on the railing as he smoked a cigarette.

Karl’s father gave him a rueful smile as he pulled back, and Karl wiped his eyes, his heart heavy like a stone. See you, his father said, hope echoing through those two words.

Karl nodded. See you, he replied, now keeping his emotions in check.

He stood still for a few moments as if he didn’t know what to do now before a small, strained smile suddenly made its way onto his face. He turned away to go aboard the boat, his linen pack on his back, glancing once or twice over his shoulder on the way. Once on the main deck, he looked one last time at his father who hadn’t moved from his spot.

Soon enough, they sailed away, and fresh tears started staining Karl’s cheeks as he watched his father becoming smaller and smaller, like a shadow that was bound to fade away into the night.

Chapter 2

Night soon began to fall. Ever since they set sail, Karl had been leaning on the railing of the boat, staring at the horizon blankly.

There was a dozen of other men beside himself, including the boatman, but they were on the other side of the boat, chatting, even laughing from time to time, probably telling funny stories. Most of them looked in their early forties and stout.

Too distracted by his own thoughts to pay much attention, he hardly acknowledged the boatman as his steps creaked on the floor boards towards him, muffled by the soft roaring in the distance.

I guess it mustn’t be easy to be separated from your family in such circumstances.

The man’s words interrupted the brooding silence, and Karl sighed, staring up at him for the first time. He looked as if he was in his late thirties, he had sandy hair and grey eyes.

Karl guessed he wanted to try to comfort him in his own way, but he didn’t feel like talking to another human being right now. He tightened his grip on the railing, his knuckles becoming white.

You know, you’ll really have to toughen up if you want to survive on your own in a foreign country. I’m not saying that you are too weak or anything, so please don’t take offence. I just want you to be aware that we won’t help you once we land in England. I mean, we won’t stay with you to watch you.

I know, Karl replied, picturing his father’s crying face, and feeling like a dead weight. He drew himself up with much effort removing his arms from the railing, and turned around to fully face the boatman.

How long will it take us to get to England? he asked.

He had never travelled so far in his life before. He had only once visited his eldest sister who was living in Copenhagen with her husband and children. His elder brother had left home to move there too but after their sister. He supposed, living in a big city was much better than staying on the farm in the countryside, a place no one knew about, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Otherwise, they would have come back home.

It will depend on the weather. But I can already tell you that it won’t just take one day. So I hope you’re not seasick.

They stood together in silence once more, the only sound the wind and the waves whipping around them; his heart and mind patiently waiting for him to come back home already.

There is a cabin that was prepared for you if you want to get some sleep. I think you’ll need it, the boatman said.

Thank you. But I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight, Karl answered in a low voice.

Well, it’s up to you. I just wanted to let you know that you can go there anytime.

Karl nodded before the man returned to join the others. Alone, he resumed his contemplation, watching the horizon. He looked up, peering into the sky. A sky full of stars with the moon shining brightly, so much so that it was reflecting itself on the dark water. His eyes fluttered shut as he let the soft breeze caress his skin.

For a brief moment Karl could almost forget what was happening to him.

His hands tightened on the railing as he bit the inside of his lower lip. He couldn’t leave like this. What about his brother and sister? He had to go back and see them. He couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to them. He couldn’t leave without knowing how they were. He was sure they could find a solution together. They could put him up for as long as he would need.

He made his way towards the boatman.

Hey! Bring me back on shore. I need to go to Copenhagen.

The men surrounding him all stared at him as if he were crazed, silence filling the air.

The boatman frowned. There’s no way I can do such a thing.

Karl knew his place wasn’t on this boat with these men. No! I won’t stand here uselessly to go to a country I don’t even know! I need to go to my siblings. I’m sure they can help me.

We’re not going back.

Karl clenched his jaw. He was getting tired of always being told what to do without being asked for his opinion beforehand. He wasn’t a dummy anyone could drag here and there as they pleased.

But what else could he do? If he made any more trouble, they would probably tie him up to make him calm down…

He sighed as he murmured an apology and went back to his previous spot.

In spite of appearances, he was no intelligent young man. He was still a child who needed his parents to live his life. Ever since his birth he had been condemned to follow the plans they had chosen for him, like all those animals on the farm who couldn’t choose their own fate and waited helplessly for the sweet melody of death to come for them.

They had always provided him with everything, so how could his father think he could manage on his own?

Unless…

What if he tried to jump overboard and swam back towards the coast…

He gripped onto the railing and went to jump up onto it, but suddenly stopped, his head becoming hazier than a rainy day. But he dissipated the fog with a deep breath. They would notice it if he did such a stupid thing and stop to get him. Also, his father was a wise man. He knew what was best for his son.

He sighed. He could only wait now.

****

Karl’s heart vibrated with excitement at the sight of all that green interspersed with wide stretches strewn here and there of dull colours that all looked grey from here.

As they were nearing land, Karl went to see the boatman who he’d discovered was actually the captain of the ship and was called Artur.

When are we going to get there? he inquired.

Don’t be so impatient. We’ll get there in an hour or so. We’ll land in Hull.

Hull? And what am I supposed to do there? Karl asked him.

I don’t know. Your father was the one to decide to send you there.

Is it big? Is it a city or a town?

It’s a port city. It’s not the biggest one but it’s not the smallest one either. Still, it’s better than sticking around to see Hitler triumph.

This piece of information didn’t help Karl… He started thinking seriously about what he should do once he set foot on English soil.

That was the real disadvantage of living in an isolated place where you did nothing but farm; not knowing what was happening in the outside world. He had been living in a bubble for the last seventeen years of his life. And because of that, Karl had never had the chance to get a proper education. He was just a poor farm boy.

Tell me more about Hitler.

What is there to say? He’s a tyrant that wants to take over the whole world, imposing his bloody ideology.

Of course, his father and mother knew who the Nazis were, but they’d kept him in the dark, obviously. He was sure that even his siblings did. He frowned.

What ideology?

Artur raised an eyebrow before he sighed. He wants to eliminate every person he doesn’t consider as ‘pure’.

Pure?

People who are a part of the Aryan race. Basically, the Aryans are people just like you. Tall, physically fit, pale skin, not disabled, and blond with blue eyes.

Karl was left speechless by the man’s answer.

I guess you understand better now why your father sent you away, he added after a few moments of silence.

It wasn’t long before his eyes became wet again. He sighed, his gaze focused on the water. Be careful… Karl whispered a hope that those men who’d come into their house would leave his parents alone.

Chapter 3

Karl couldn’t help bouncing at the sight of so many boats; some huge, other smaller like fishing trawlers but no matter if they were big or tiny. The way they looked wasn’t important to Karl. A boat meant setting out for freedom. He hadn’t expected the port to be so big, but as they entered, the stretch of water surrounding them was much narrower. Before the boat was tied up to a dock, Karl was waiting, ready to get off, his whole body heavy with the feel of salt. He got off as quick as he could, so much so that he even forgot to thank the man who had taken him there. He sighed as his feet finally touched dry land.

He sucked in the air but it was heavy with a strong smell of freshly caught fish mixed with something else he couldn’t identify. Sweat maybe? He crouched down, and pressed his palm against the ground, the stone cold and smooth. He stood back up with a heavy sigh, his heart a melancholic mess. He almost felt like a Viking, discovering a new land, his head high and gaze fierce, and that thought brought a small smile that quickly faded, his brows knitting. He hadn’t chosen that. He was a lonely straw that could be easily stamped on.

Artur got off the boat shortly after he did, and stood beside him.

It may not look as nice as Denmark, but you’ll have to get used to it, he told Karl.

Of course, Karl was very well aware of that. He took a few steps forward, experiencing for the very first time what it was like to walk on a foreign ground. He took a good look at his surroundings, blinking. They weren’t alone in the harbour, there were some Englishmen present as well. The soft breeze whistling into his ears reminded him of home. He clutched his chest, glancing towards the sea. The wind could never be strong enough to bring him back there.

He turned around and approached Artur.

Well, looks like we part ways here, the man told him.

Thanks for everything, Karl replied, with a tiny but genuine smile.

Artur nodded to him. Mind yourself.

It was Karl’s turn to nod this time. I will. He turned away to set off and explore the city. He would consider exactly what to do later.

Artur called after him. Wait!

Karl stopped, tilting his head to the side, as Artur caught up with him.

Although I can’t stay with you the whole time you’ll be living here, I can still give you a hand. Just follow me.

Karl said nothing and simply did as he was told.

They walked for a while until they arrived at the train station.

Even if you don’t have any money, you can still get a train that’ll take you to London. If you are to stay here for a long time, you might as well go and look for a place to live in a more attractive city than Hull, Artur told him.

Karl pondered his words. He guessed the man was right and decided to take his advice. Thank you for helping me.

Artur gave him a small, lopsided smile. You already thanked me a few moments ago, boy. Now this is the one you have to take for London, he said, pointing at the train.

Karl stared at him. It’s not the first time you’ve come here, is it?

I’m a sailor, son, and a merchant. I know other places than Denmark.

And with that, Karl was hopping the freight train that Artur had shown him. He climbed on a wagon at the back, glancing from side to side carefully as he did.

He removed his pack and let it fall next to him, sighing. There wasn’t much inside it – just some meagre rations so he wouldn’t starve for the first few days, and a small woollen blanket.

He sat at one end of the wagon, hugging his knees to his chest. He thought about his parents, and his brother and sister. He wondered what they were doing now, if they were alright, tried to imagine what they were thinking about if they were thinking at all, but he was no mind-reader, especially not from such a long distance. He ended up hitting his head against the wall, but without much energy. He couldn’t have hurt even a fly like that.

After what seemed like forever to Karl, the train’s speed gradually slowed down, causing him to look out to see the green landscape was replaced by bricks, and within a few minutes the train came to a stop. He pressed his palms against his ears, the sound of this huge machine deafening as it came to its last breath.

He hopped off the wagon and made his way out of the freight yard, glancing frantically at anything his eyesight could cover. He found a way out onto a street which led to the station. He could have got lost in that station—it seemed he could never see the end of it.

Soon he was standing amidst the crowds on the London streets and he struggled to keep his breath steady. He wasn’t used to this. This place reminded him so much of Copenhagen. People swarming in a continuous flow, being all strangers to each other; the high buildings; the noises and smells of buses and cars making his face scrunch up…

He was a pebble sinking into a bottomless ocean of indifference.

He clenched his jaw, flexing his fingers mechanically, and blinking compulsively. He felt like going back, getting back on the train. He momentarily closed his eyes and pictured home, the wilderness, the quietness, the laughs… Anyway he soon snapped back to reality as someone barged into him on their way past. He moved backward as a reflex but bumped into someone else. He took a deep breath and reminded himself this was only the beginning. His father’s voice played into his mind, mending his broken heart at least temporarily.

I’ll stay strong.

He decided to explore the city, since he had nothing better to do, just like he had wanted to do in Hull. There was no farm work anymore for him, and his heart became heavier at that thought. It was a bitter kind of freedom, definitely not the one he had been longing for. He really was like a tourist in a foreign country…except he was penniless.

His top priority, for now, was to find a place to sleep, for tonight at least. He thought about finding a job to make a living, but frowned, shaking his head. He didn’t speak a single word of English, so it would be complicated. He didn’t know anybody who could put him up, either, and he didn’t think people were likely to take any young stranger in off the street.

He roamed around the city until he reached a river. He stopped to stare at it, the sun shining on it bringing a sad smile to his lips. There were only a few clouds in the sky, otherwise, it was a clear blue. Different from the sea, yet at the same time similar. He found a spot at the edge of the river and sat cross-legged on the ground to eat a bit of his food. He had to save as much of it as he