Discovering My Star: How Love Revealed my Jewish Soul

By Marina Ivko

In "Discovering My Star: How Love Revealed My Jewish Soul," we are led through the winding paths of love, spirituality, and self-discovery.

Anastasia, a spirited Russian girl, had always sensed an undefined void within her soul. It wasn't until she crossed paths with Ezra, a Jewish man of traditional orthodox roots but non-religious outlook, that she found a deep, resounding connection with Judaism.

Her newfound affinity for Judaism wasn't solely inspired by her love for Ezra. It echoed within her, filling a spiritual void, completing her in a way she had never experienced before. The realization was profound: her connection to Judaism was independent of her relationship, her spiritual awakening transcending the bonds of romance.

Embracing the intricate journey of Orthodox conversion, Anastasia found herself at the precipice of a challenging decision. To further her journey, she needed to join a Jewish community and make known her intentions to the rabbi. She stood at a crossroads - would she reveal her relationship with Ezra, thus necessitating his participation in her conversion process, or withhold the truth, compromising her newfound faith?

"Discovering My Star" goes beyond a story of conversion. It's an exploration of love, truth, and the daunting choices one has to make in the journey of self-discovery and spiritual fulfillment. As Anastasia delves deeper into the layers of Judaism, she also unveils hidden layers within herself, encountering dilemmas and delights she had never anticipated. It's a testament to the power of faith and the lengths one can go when the soul finds its true home.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marina Ivko
• Release date: Aug 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223285670

Marina Ivko

Marina Ivakhnenko, also known by her Hebrew name "Meira," meaning "one who illuminates," is a writer, seeker, and spiritual sojourner. A native of a diverse cultural background, Marina’s journey into Judaism wasn't just a change of faith but a transformation of soul. She navigated the intricate pathways of tradition, ritual, and community, much like her characters, Anastasia and Ezra, in her debut novel. Marina chose the name "Meira" not merely as a rite of passage but as a promise to herself and her readers—to be a light,illuminating the complexities of human emotion, spirituality, and love through her words. In Hebrew, "Meira" resonateswith the word "Or," meaning light, and it's no coincidence that her work aims to shed light on the intricacies ofrelationships, self-discovery, and spiritual growth. Falling in love served as the catalyst for her own religious conversion, providing her with a unique lens through which she explores the concept of love as not merely an emotion but as a transformative power. Her writing is a celebration of this transformative power—the ability of love to lead us back to our truest selves and help us discover parts of us we never knew existed. Through her writing, Marina aims to engage readers in conversations about identity, faith, and the kinds of love that transcend time. She believes in the redemptive power of storytelling and sees it as her mission to explore life's complexities through the art of the written word.

Book preview

Discovering My Star

To all who seek their truth, to those who dare to love deeply and explore their spiritual essence, to the wanderers and dreamers who find their stars in the most unexpected places,  and to the  wisdom of ancient traditions that guide us home.

This book is for you.

I.  Introduction

In the vast and varied tapestry of human existence, every soul searches for its place, a niche where it belongs, a home where it feels at rest. The journey to this resting place often winds through unknown terrains, across cultural boundaries, and sometimes even beyond the familiar confines of faith and spirituality. Discovering My Star: How Love Revealed My Jewish Soul is an account of such a journey, a tale that leads us through the winding paths of love, spirituality, and self-discovery.

In the heart of Russia, where winters are as cold as they are long, and where tradition runs as deep as the roots of the ancient birch trees, there lived a spirited girl named Anastasia. With sparkling eyes and an insatiable curiosity, she embraced life with a vigor that belied her tender years. Her laughter was like a bubbling brook, contagious in its joy, but beneath the effervescent surface lay an undefined void. An emptiness she couldn't explain, a longing she couldn't understand. It was a hollow space, a missing piece in a puzzle that seemed otherwise complete.

But what was this missing piece? Was it a fragment of her soul, a part of her identity that lay hidden from view? Anastasia would spend her early years grappling with these questions, seeking answers in places both near and far, in experiences both profound and mundane. The emptiness persisted, a silent companion to her lively existence.

It wasn't until she crossed paths with Ezra, a Jewish man of traditional orthodox roots but a non- religious outlook, that the answer began to unfold. It was as if a hidden door had been opened, a door that led her to a world she never knew existed but felt eerily familiar.

Discovering My Star is not just Anastasia's story; it is a reflection of the universal human quest for self-discovery and fulfillment. Her journey towards Judaism is a journey towards herself. It's a dance between love and faith, a delicate balance of truth and trust. It's a testament to the transformative power of faith, the strength of conviction, and the profound connections that can be forged when the soul finds its true home.

In the chapters that follow, we will walk with Anastasia as she ventures into the unknown realms of Jewish tradition, guided by love but driven by a spiritual awakening that transcends the bonds of romance. Her path is fraught with challenges and choices, dilemmas and delights, but it's a path she treads with courage and grace.

As we embark on this intricate journey, we will uncover hidden layers within ourselves, discover our own missing pieces, and perhaps, find a connection that resonates within our own souls.

The story of Anastasia is, in many ways, a mirror to our own spiritual quests. It invites us to explore, to question, to seek, and to find.

Welcome to Discovering My Star.

Anastasia

In the bustling streets of Cherkessk, where Muslim traditions predominate, Anastasia's story unfolds. Raised in a Russian Orthodox family that was non-religious and knew little about faith, her upbringing was steeped more in cultural tradition than spiritual practice. Here in the North Caucasus region of Russia, where there are no Jewish communities, her family's lack of religious adherence added to the enigma of her spiritual void.

Her family, loving and supportive, nurtured her curiosity and encouraged her to explore the world around her. But even as she reveled in the beauty of her surroundings, the intricacies of local art, and the melodies of native music, even as she forged connections with her community, the void within her persisted, a silent question mark in the story of her life.

Cherkessk, a city removed from Jewish influence and customs, was where Anastasia began her search for meaning. It's a place where mosques' minarets pierce the skyline, and the call to prayer mingles with the sounds of daily life. In this context, her yearning heart felt the pull towards something unknown, something that neither her Russian Orthodox heritage nor her non-religious upbringing could explain.

Her journey is an extraordinary one, especially considering her surroundings. It's a quest that takes her far from the familiar terrains of her hometown, leading her to a faith not present in her community, not reflected in her environment. Her discovery of Judaism is unexpected, almost miraculous, given her context. It's not a superficial attraction but a deep, resounding connection that feels almost predestined.

The absence of Jewish culture in Cherkessk, coupled with her family's non-religious stance, adds a layer of complexity to her story. Her relationship with Ezra, a man who embodies the rich tapestry of Jewish tradition, becomes not just a gateway but also a profound mystery, reflecting her own inner world.

Discovering My Star is an inspiring testament to the human spirit's resilience, the pursuit of self-discovery that transcends geographical and cultural barriers. It's about finding something profoundly personal in a place where it seems least likely, about embracing a faith not born into but chosen, not inherited but discovered.

Now, dear reader, the story awaits. Let us step into Anastasia's world, a world where love ignites a spiritual awakening in the unlikeliest of places, where faith transcends boundaries, and where the soul finds its true home, even in the distant lands of Cherkessk.

Let us begin.

II.  Early Life

Iwas born in Cherkessk , a place where the cacophony of daily life sang a melody of contrast, a city where Muslim traditions ruled, and Russian Orthodox families like mine were an exception. Though I was raised in a Russian Orthodox family, our household was anything but spiritual. It was not religion that defined us but the dysfunction that constantly clouded our home.

My parents, both non-religious, always seemed to be at odds. Their marriage was a battlefield, filled with shouting matches and cold silences that chilled the bones of our family structure. I remember nights spent under my blanket, hands pressed against my ears, trying to drown out the storm of anger that raged between them. Their divorce was inevitable, yet it did little to quell the chaos that characterized my early years.

I was a child craving stability, longing for something to cling to, something that would make sense in the whirlwind of confusion that was my family life. My father, perhaps in an attempt to instill some semblance of normalcy or perhaps guided by a hidden longing for faith, enrolled me in Catholic school.

I spent most of my life in those hallways, dressed in neatly pressed uniforms, reciting prayers that felt as foreign to me as the Latin they were sometimes uttered in. The nuns spoke of God's love, of redemption and salvation, but their words were like raindrops on a parched land. They did not seep through; they did not quench the thirst that gnawed at my soul.

The void within me, that unexplained emptiness, persisted. It was an ever-present shadow, a silence that echoed louder than the din of my dysfunctional family. It was a feeling of being out of place, of being a puzzle with a missing piece, a song with a missing note.

As I grew older, the void became more pronounced. It was no longer just a feeling but a question, a quest. Why did the teachings of the Catholic school not resonate with me? Why did the traditions of my Russian Orthodox background feel so distant, so detached from who I was? Why, in a home filled with people, did I feel so alone, so incomplete?

I began to search for answers, to explore the world around me, to seek meaning in places both expected and unexpected. I delved into literature, art, and philosophy. I sought solace in friendships, in connections that went beyond the superficial. But the answers remained elusive, the void unfilled.

In retrospect, those early years were a preparation, a prologue to a journey that I could never have anticipated. They were the roots of a tree that would grow in directions unimaginable,

branches reaching out to touch a faith, a culture, a love that was yet unknown.

My childhood in Cherkessk was a paradox, a dichotomy of contrasts. It was a dance between the known and the unknown, the seen and the unseen. It was a symphony of questions, a melody of searchings, the overture to a journey that would lead me to discover not just my star but myself.

It's a journey that began with a void, with an emptiness that was both a question and an invitation. An invitation to explore, to question, to seek, to find. An invitation to embark on a journey that would take me beyond the confines of my dysfunctional family, beyond the teachings of a Catholic school that did not speak to my soul, beyond the borders of Cherkessk, into a world where love would reveal my Jewish soul.

As I look back at those early days, I see now that the void was not a deficiency but a direction, not a lack but a longing. A longing for something greater, something deeper, something transcendent.

It was the beginning of a discovery, a path that would lead me to a destiny that was mine, yet not mine. A destiny that was waiting, silently, patiently, for me to find it.

Growing up in a place as culturally specific as Cherkessk, I often found myself feeling disconnected from the world around me. My family's dysfunction was like an anchor, and my father's well-intended attempt at guiding me through Catholic school only seemed to add to my confusion.

Teenage years brought their own set of challenges. My peers had families that seemed whole, faiths that seemed to fill them, while I felt like a wanderer, lost in a maze of uncertainty. The void within me, the longing that I had been carrying since my early years, became more urgent.

I immersed myself in different activities, searching for something that could fill the emptiness that persisted. I joined clubs, tried new hobbies, even engaged in social activism. Each new endeavor was a fleeting moment of passion, a temporary distraction, but the satisfaction was never lasting. The void remained, a silent companion, a question mark, a puzzle waiting to be solved.

And then, there was love. Not the love I would later find, that profound connection that would guide me to my true self, but the love of youth, innocent and naive. I fell in and out of relationships, mistaking infatuation for fulfillment, confusing attachment for completeness. But these dalliances were like sparklers, bright and dazzling for a moment, but quickly fading away, leaving the darkness unaltered.

My family situation did not improve. If anything, the rift between my parents widened, and the impact it had on my siblings and me grew more profound. We were a family in name, but not in essence. The love that should have nurtured us was replaced by resentment, the support supplanted by suspicion.