On the Bright Side: Stories about Friendship, Love, and Being True to Yourself

By Melanie Shankle and Jen Hatmaker

Big Mama blog founder and New York Times bestselling author Melanie Shankle helps us sort through our questions about being true to ourselves in a world gone crazy and what matters the most in the end.

These days, so many voices tell us what to do, what to think, and what kind of parent or friend or spouse to be that it's easy to feel overwhelmed and defeated. Somewhere in the midst of online arguments and crazy politics and the ups and downs of life, we've lost sight of the gifts that are all around us: kindness, love, mercy, and joy.

In On the Bright Side, Melanie Shankle reminds us of the unchanging principles we can count on in a changing world. These are lessons that Melanie has learned along the way about how to find all the joy that life has to offer--and why encouragement is never something to keep to ourselves.

Melanie invites us to lead with love in all areas of our lives, exploring topics such as:

• Finding your people
• Giving up on comparing and competing
• Aging (kind of) gracefully
• Believing in ever after
• Staying mostly sane while raising kids
• Thinking before speaking
• Making decisions
• And more!

This delightful memoir highlights the joys of life told in Melanie's down to earth, relatable, and totally enjoyable style. On the Bright Side is a how-to guide to knowing--and living--what matters most.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
• Release date: Feb 25, 2020
• ISBN: 9780310349563

Melanie Shankle

Melanie Shankle writes regularly at The Big Mama blog and is the New York Times bestselling author of four previous books, including Nobody’s Cuter than You. Melanie is a graduate of Texas A&M and loves writing, shopping at Target, checking to see what’s on sale at Anthropologie, and trying to find the lighter side in every situation. Most of all, she loves being the mother of Caroline, the wife of Perry, and the official herder of two wild dogs named Piper and Mabel. The five of them live in San Antonio, Texas.  

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

I always feel like introductions are a weird, yet necessary part of any kind of memoir-esque book. And I’m assuming that’s the category this book will fall under, even though Amazon will do its best to make sure it’s listed under some obscure category description, such as Books>Self-Help>Biographies>Rhythm and Blues>Relationships with people who don’t like doing crafts. This is their attempt to make sure virtually every book they sell has a chance to be a number-one bestseller in at least one category. And listen, Amazon, I appreciate that. Signed, the number-one bestselling author of a Books>Women’s Issues>Religious Humor>People with Dogs book.

Anyway, an introduction. I never know whether to assume that you, dear reader, have read other things I have written and are kind enough to read another one of my books, or if you were just perusing the shelves at Barnes & Noble and randomly came across this book because I was in that same Barnes & Noble last week and moved it from the back of the store to a prominent table at the entrance labeled, Our Must-Reads of the Year.

Whatever the case, let me say hello. My name is Melanie. I’ve been married to my husband, Perry, for over twenty-two years now. We have an only child named Caroline, who is in the midst of her teen years, which means we also serve as ATMs, fun police, child psychologists, and chauffeurs. We all live in San Antonio, Texas, with our dogs, Piper and Mabel, who are as cute as they are neurotic. Nothing in our life is extremely noteworthy. In fact, we are often in our pajamas by 6:30 at night, yet I somehow manage to find enough raw material to fill books, and for that I am grateful. Let me just say right now that I’m so glad you picked up this book, and I hope you turn the last page feeling like it was worth your time and money and, perhaps, that we would be good friends. Or at the very least, that you won’t get on Amazon and give it a one-star review, Becky.

Speaking of the perils of publishing, about two years ago I was in the midst of doing publicity for a book that was about to be released. This is my least favorite part of the publishing process. And by least favorite, I mean that I would rather spend an afternoon doing craft projects that involve glitter and a group of non-potty-trained toddlers than figure out how to make people want to buy a book I’ve written. I hear myself during interviews or book signings, and I’m very aware that my voice rises to an octave only dogs can hear, and my Texas drawl gets even more pronounced than usual as I say, Hiiiiiiiiiiiii! I’m so happy to be here! And the truth is, I am happy to be there. I just wish I could be there and be a little quieter and less the center of attention in that particular moment. The only place I really like to be is in the center of my couch.

Anyway, publicity always means writing pieces for various magazines or online outlets along with other interviews and such, and this often includes having an excerpt from the upcoming book published in lieu of an original piece. This is basically how what I now refer to as Hermit Crabbageddon 2017 began. I’d written what I thought was a funny little story about how my daughter, Caroline’s, hermit crabs ended up being accidentally set free in our backyard, never to be seen again. I speculated that maybe they packed their teeny-tiny crab bags and set out for brighter shores and happier days after long being relegated to a plastic aquarium in our playroom. This excerpt from the book ended up being published online by a major media outlet, and I quickly found myself the most hated person in the world of hermit crab aficionados.

Did you know there are over seventy-five Facebook groups committed to rehoming unwanted hermit crabs? Neither did I, until that fateful day. Now I was being completely vilified over what I meant to be a lighthearted story full of a lot of exaggeration. People wanted to beat me up in a dark alley. Strangers who’d never met me felt free to assume that if I’d lose a hermit crab, then I was a terrible parent who didn’t care about my child. It was crazy, and honestly, it freaked me out. It’s not even like I’d broached a truly divisive subject, such as whether or not you think YouTube videos of cats riding Roomba vacuum cleaners are funny.

I am a person who really works to avoid controversy. I’m a lifelong people pleaser by nature, which is exacerbated by the fact that I’m a child of divorce and spent my formative years trying to make everyone happy. If figuring out a way to make tension disappear is an art form, then I am the Picasso of that skill. Every personality test I take says I’m a mediator and a peacemaker. I avoid talking about politics on the internet, I don’t weigh in on Facebook controversies about homeschooling versus public school, and I’m not interested in having a theological debate with anyone at any time. If I had a life motto, it would be, I know I can’t stand the heat, so I stay out of the kitchen.

But here’s what that whole thing taught me, other than never to admit on a public platform that you let your hermit crabs run away. The world is straight-up crazy right now. We have collectively lost any chill we ever had. We are addicted to the thrill of anger and outrage and have gone to the dark side. Perhaps you’ve noticed. We have forgotten what it means to give a fellow human the benefit of the doubt. Not only do we all seem a little more unhinged than usual due to all the political, religious, and social upheaval, but there is actually a real thing where kids are challenging each other to eat Tide PODS and snort condoms through their nose. I don’t even understand what is going on, but I feel like both of these things are indirectly referenced in the book of Revelation.

What I’m saying is, it’s hard to know what’s real and true anymore when we live in a world that will turn on you for accidentally setting a hermit crab free. There are so many voices shouting so many messages that we can’t hear what anyone is actually saying. Who do we trust? What do we believe? What really matters? And it’s like we’re all so desperate to feel something that we’re quick to choose anger and judgment because we’d rather feel those things than be numb. Somewhere in the midst of all of these arguments and debates and the basic ups and downs life brings, we’ve lost sight of what matters the most: the basic tenets of being a good person, such as kindness, gentleness, love, and mercy. We’ve forgotten how to be decent human beings. We’ve lost the art of looking on the bright side.

I mentioned earlier that we have two dogs, Piper and Mabel. They are sisters from the same litter, and we brought them home as puppies about five years ago. Our original plan was to get one puppy, but it’s hard to stop at just one puppy when there are several climbing all over you with their puppy breath and paws that smell like Fritos. But here’s what I will tell you about getting sister puppies from the same litter: sibling rivalry is real even in the canine world. Every morning, I sit on the couch with my cup of coffee and my laptop with Piper curled up on one side of me and Mabel curled up on the other. It’s a peaceful scene until the point when Mabel decides she resents Piper’s presence on the couch. Never mind that they basically descended from wolves who used to have to kill for food and who could have only dreamed of the comfort of sleeping on a leather couch with throw pillows from Pottery Barn; the fact that Mabel has to share a couch with her sister, Piper, causes her to come undone. She starts by giving her the side eye which quickly turns into a full-blown growl and snarl.

Since finding yourself in the middle of a dogfight on your couch is the complete opposite of a relaxing morning, I try to diffuse the situation by putting a large throw pillow next to Mabel so that she can’t see Piper. The thing is, though, Mabel continues to crane her little doggy neck over and around the pillow to keep growling at Piper. It’s like she wants to be angry. And so I find myself saying, Quit looking at her! Stop looking at your sister! If it makes you that angry, then just look away! This is really a life lesson for all of us. Why do we keep looking over the pillow at the very thing that triggers us? I was telling my best friend, Gulley, about how Mabel has taught me that sometimes we all need to just look away and quit growling, and she suggested that we start a movement called #BeBetterThanMabel.

This led to my vision for On the Bright Side. There are times when we need to take a break from looking at all that is dark and focus on the things that are bright. These are the rays of light that are often overlooked, but they can illuminate what really matters and remind us to make each day count. These are the lights that can guide us in making good decisions, choosing good friends, finding the joy life has to offer, and getting through hard times. These are the things I try to impart to Caroline as we drive to school or sit at the dinner table, because I know that it’s what she will find on the bright side that will hold the key to all that she will do and all that she can become, and I pray she’s listening even as she is checking Snapchat and deciding what filter to use on her streaks. There are certain principles of life and love and joy and all that is good and true in this world that never change, like remembering to treat others the way we want to be treated. It’s remembering to #BeBetterThanMabel and know when to quit letting the hard things or the difficult situations or challenging family members steal our joy.

The more I think about it, the more I realize there are lessons and stories and reminders of real-life heart and decency that we can’t let each other forget. These truths are the bright side of life that ensure we will never be alone and that we will live with purpose. They are meant to be shared and passed on. They help us remain true to ourselves and to who God created us to be. We will love better, live richer, and laugh more when we live on the bright side. Let’s quit looking over the throw pillow and growling at each other, and instead, find the light. Our time here on this earth is incredibly short, so I’m choosing to spend it looking on the bright side. I hope you’ll join me.

LOVE,

MELANIE

CHAPTER 1

THE BRIGHT SIDE OF

FINDING YOUR PEOPLE

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.

—ANAÏS NIN, THE DIARY OF ANAÏS NIN

When I was about four years old, my mom woke up early one morning to the sound of knocking at the front door. She got out of bed to see who on earth had decided to drop by at such an unacceptable hour for visitors and found our neighbor standing at the door, holding my hand. It seems I’d woken up, gotten myself dressed, and decided to venture next door to see if my friend Margo could play. The day before, we’d launched a very lucrative business selling Hershey’s Kisses wrappers we had painstakingly smoothed out, and I didn’t want to waste any time before earning more cold, hard cash in what was clearly a genius venture. I guess that was before I’d discovered the glory that is sleeping late.

There are several takeaways from this childhood anecdote, probably the most important being how mortified my mom must have been to realize her child had left the house without her knowing it. But what stands out to me is that even at that young age, I was always ready to spend time with my girlfriends. This has been a constant throughout my life. I love my friends, and there have been many who have added more value and joy to my life than I could ever express in the pages of this book.

As women, I think we spend a lot of the first part of our lives dreaming about finding our Prince Charming, and we are fed an abundance of movies that focus on true love, so we buy into the idea of our soul mate being out there waiting for us. I spent several years thinking my soul mate might be George Michael from Wham!, so I clearly missed a memo on something. His hair looked so good in the music video for Last Christmas that we can chalk that up to an honest mistake. But when I look back over my childhood and teen years and even into adulthood, the real constant in my life has been my girlfriends. Even after being married all these years, I wonder if someone can really be our soul mate when they don’t care to hear all our thoughts on the best waterproof mascara or talk about which anti-aging creams are the most effective. It’s our girlfriends who remind us of the woman we were before we were a wife and a mother. It’s our girlfriends who encourage and challenge us to grow into the woman God intends us to be. They see the girl in us who is still trying to figure out life and find our way in the world. They are the safe place where we can admit we don’t have all the answers and we have no idea what we are doing and life feels a little scary and uncertain.

After my best friend, Gulley, had her second baby back in 2005, she was living in the haze that is trying to wrangle a toddler who thinks a couch is also a trampoline while simultaneously nursing a newborn and trying not to fall asleep standing up because she was constantly sleep deprived. And so, for her birthday that year, I decided what she probably needed most was a girls’ night out. I called our mutual friend, Hilary, and she helped me put together a small group to go eat Mexican food and celebrate Gulley’s birthday. There were six of us at that first dinner, and most of us didn’t know each other very well or even at all, but we were all in the same stage of life: raising babies, fighting postpartum depression, trying to lose baby weight, and figuring out how to keep the spark in our marriages when we’ve had whiny toddlers hanging on our legs all day. It was a pretty random group, but the things we had in common bonded us together over that first batch of margaritas and chips and queso. We were all desperate for grown-up conversation and interaction that didn’t involve Elmo and Mr. Noodle and having to ask someone repeatedly, Do you need to go pee-pee?

By the time that first dinner ended, we had already made plans to do it again the following month to celebrate my birthday. Eventually, we called ourselves the Birthday Club because our original purpose was to get together for each person’s birthday. When our dinners out became a monthly thing, our husbands all questioned how we managed to celebrate a birthday every month of the year when there were only six of us. To which we responded, Mind your own business.

For the next ten years, we got together on a regular basis and even upped the Birthday Club ante by taking a girls’ trip each summer. We lived through pregnancies, new babies, marital struggles, potty-training nightmares, strong-willed toddlers, and all manner of family drama. We shared stories from our past and our present and talked about our dreams for the future. Those monthly dinners were the thing we looked forward to most because they were essentially free group therapy over chips and salsa.

But then our babies started to grow up, and it wasn’t as easy to get our kids in pajamas and headed to bed by 7:00 p.m. so we could have a night out. There were sporting events and school programs to attend, and as life continued to