Chubby Chan’s Best Horriday Ever

By Stefan Joy

Bored to tears of bullies and boredom? Prepare for the laugh-out-loud adventure of the year with Chubby Chan's upside-down extravaganza!

After a foolish blunder lands our roly-poly hero in court, the judge metes out a harsh sentence: 60 days of community service, supervised by the peculiar, eccentric, and utterly madcap Mr. Keen. But when Chubby Chan sneaks into Mr. Keen's forbidden office, he stumbles upon the fantastical and upside-down world of Upsidonia!

In this topsy-turvy land, Chubby Chan befriends A-Tom, an endearing football-shaped creature, and learns of a mission assigned to him by the ominous council known as the Great Assembly - to locate the elusive Great Door to return home. This kickstarts Chubby Chan's bizarre journey, full of peculiar characters such as the geometric R-Aptors, the elusive Shimmeratti, and the enormous Y-Me. Along the journey, he's joined by Bruce, a headstrong boy from his own world who's on his own path to redemption.

But as a sinister plan by the Shimmeratti threatens to obliterate Upsidonia forever, Chubby Chan and Bruce must unite their wits and courage to save this enchanting realm. However, Upsidonia holds more secrets than Chubby Chan could have ever imagined. As reality melds with illusion, Chubby Chan begins to realize that his extraordinary trials are teaching him invaluable lessons about bravery, acceptance, self-belief, and viewing the world from different perspectives.

Can Chubby unravel the mysteries of Upsidonia and find The Great Door before it’s too late? Can he ever return home? Overflowing with imagination and heart, this magical middle-grade adventure set in an ingenious upside-down world explores profound themes of personal growth and redemption amidst a backdrop of humor and fun.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Editura Metro
• Release date: Jul 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9786069340318

Book preview

one

where it is shown that if there’s a way, there are at least two opposite wills, neither of which functions under the 'opposites attract' mumbo jumbo

I don't have holidays anymore. Only horridays.

Such were the musings of Chubby Chan as he sat in Juvenile Court awaiting his sentence. His three sisters and five brothers, along with their four parents, huddled in the gallery behind him. Each one was more eager than the next to discover what goodies the judge had prepared for their youngest. Some were optimistically hopeful, while a handful secretly wished for the worst.

To his right sat the court-appointed attorney, a young man with a boyish face. Despite earnest efforts to grow a credible mustache beneath his petite nose, he hadn't had much luck. And his neon-green jacket did little to enhance his attempts at manning up.

Across them, the public was represented by a haughty hag dressed head to toe in black, arms crossed defiantly by her desk. Her complexion resembled an ancient, oil-soaked parchment, with her smeared lipstick appearing like a wax seal. Her nose pointed so high that Chubby Chan immediately regretted having to leave his pocket blowpipe with the court security. He was certain he could have landed a grain of rice in each of her nostrils with a single blow.

All rise! The Honorable Judge Timothy Welch enters the Court.

The Honorable, a tubby man well into his sixties, had the pleased expression of someone caught engaging in less than honorable activities. His broad, nearly square face seemed oddly wedged between the two gray whiskers that arrogantly guarded the ruddy expanse between them.

No sooner had the judge settled into his chair, than Chubby Chan's sharp voice sliced through the hushed courtroom:

Did your poo business go well, Your Judgeship? Has your potbelly settled now?

What did you say, defendant? the judge froze, barely perched on the edge of his polished seat.

The room was silent, save for a lone fly buzzing aimlessly in search of the most susceptible person to annoy.

Chubby Chan then cupped his hands around his mouth and amplified his voice:

Are! Your! Runs! Over! Yet?

A smattering of suppressed laughter rippled across the room, resembling a shoal of trout misjudging sunlight on the water's surface for food. But then, from a corner, a lanky man in a wacky hat exploded into such a ridiculous bout of bleats that it triggered a wave of laughter throughout the courtroom.

Except from The Honorable.

Order! he pounded the gavel, his complexion noticeably redder. Order, or I will clear the courtroom!

Chubby Chan elbowed the attorney and whispered:

You were right. The old coot doesn't look too good. I bet it was the chili.

You always blame it on chili, dear!

Chubby Chan turned to the behemoth woman sitting right behind him, whose warbler-like squeaky voice was at odds with her size:

That's because, momma, chili comes straight from Lucifer's kitchen. It gives people a taste of eternal damnation.

What on earth are you going on about, dear?

She leaned forward as far as her sizable belly would allow, then exerted considerable effort twisting her torso towards a man seated at the end of the same row of chairs.

Was it you or that harpy of a wife who filled my little boy's head with such nonsense?

The gaunt man, nearly swallowed up by the chair due to his slender stature, didn't get a chance to respond. The woman to his right, who was nearly as imposing in size as the woman Chubby Chan called 'momma,' retorted:

Who are you calling a harpy, bitch?

The pounding of the gavel could have easily substituted for a full salute given to an untimely deceased artilleryman:

Order! Order! Order!

The congestion in the judge's respiratory tract had rendered his voice hoarse, lending it a deep, resonant quality. The moment he managed to hush the crowd, a violent bout of coughing overtook him. Chubby Chan would have sworn under oath - which he technically was - that he saw a couple of beans land in the court reporter's unruly mane of hair.

The judge's face quickly transitioned from a flushed scarlet to a concerning shade of purplish-blue. He gestured frantically with the gavel behind him. The bailiff, who had been observing the room with the vacant expression of a cow at dusk, finally got the hint. He rushed to the bench and landed a solid punch between the judge's shoulder blades.

Preceded by a sound that was half hiccup, half grunt, the judge's dentures flew from his mouth, seeking a new, more accommodating home. They found it quickly on the prosecutor's forehead, which bore the brunt of the 24 teeth with an expected level of dignity befitting such an honor. The shock (or was it disgust?) sent the woman tumbling backward, rigid and straight like a felled tree.

This movement caused a ripple effect among the spectators. All eight of Chubby Chan's siblings sprang to their feet simultaneously, struck a stiff stance, and then fell backward. Moments later, the entire courtroom was in chaos, with the defendant Chubby Chan perched on the desk, his shorts sagging slightly, conducting the magnificent uproar.

The bailiff, along with six officers, had to evacuate everyone from the courtroom to restore the peace. Only Chubby Chan, his attorney, the prosecutor, and the Court officials remained.

As soon as the noise subsided and silence enveloped those present, the judge began:

I deeply regret that you are merely a status offender, defendant. I would gladly have you detained until the start of the school year. However, I can grant you the next best thing: you are sentenced to 60 days of community service. Two hours per day, every day. You will report to the city hall at 8:00 a.m. sharp each day and perform whatever tasks are assigned to you. Failure to arrive on time will result in an additional two days of community service for each instance. Truancy will earn you an additional six days per instance. The court is adjourned.

two

where it is shown that while it’s better to have a sparrow in the hand than a pigeon on the roof, the best is to have a turkey in your backyard

S ixty days of community service for trespassing? For a child? This is ludicrous! Who was the judge?

The elderly woman peered over her glasses at Chubby Chan with a look of disbelief. He was an exceptionally plump boy of about ten years old, already the size of a young mammoth. Short, with reddish hair cut close to the scalp, two round eyes reminiscent of a koala's set deep in his head, nearly invisible eyelashes and eyebrows, a barely discernible nose, and a constellation of freckles adorning each cheek. What could he possibly have done to merit such a severe penalty?

Timothy Welch, ma'am, the sheriff's officer replied after consulting some documents on a brown clipboard.

That old buzzard! His hemorrhoids must've been flaring up that day.

I wouldn't know, ma'am. I have other asses to take care of. Could you please sign here acknowledging I've delivered the offender to the city hall?

The offender? He's just a little... well, he's just a boy, for Pete's sake, not a criminal!

I’m sorry, but if he were ‘just a boy’, he wouldn't be here, ma’am. Instead, he'd be with his family or playing with his friends. Thank you, he's all yours now. Have a great day!

After Chubby Chan was left alone with the woman, she took a few minutes to fill in some forms.

Aren't you going to sit, child? she asked, looking up from the papers.

Chubby Chan glanced around. There was no chair for him, aside from the one the woman was using. He shrugged:

I would if I could. But I can't, so I shan't.

I see. You're a sassy one, aren't you? And you somehow upset Judge Welch so much he threw the book at you.

Chubby Chan gaped as if the woman had just informed him he'd sprouted a platypus tail since entering the room:

Me, upset someone? Nah, I'm the sweetest and kindest person I know. My siblings were the ones who caused a ruckus in court, actually. I was just an onlooker.

Uh-hum. And do you have so many siblings they can disrupt an entire courtroom?

Counting me, there are nine of us. Three girls and six boys.

That's a large family, indeed.

Families. Plural. We share four parents between us.

Now it was the woman's turn to look as if she'd glanced in the mirror and discovered a majestic pair of antlers on her head.

You don't say! Do you have four parents? Four, as in two times two equals four?

Yes ma’am. My parents divorced two years ago, and each of them remarried since. With people who already had their own children, you know? Poppa's new wife had two and momma's new husband had three. We started out as four - I have a brother and two sisters - but now there are nine of us kids with four parents.

"Poor dear! That must have