Dragon Soup: Bureau of Magic Abuse

By Patty Jansen

When Perrin was so desperate that he applied for a job with the Bureau of Magic Abuse, there were two things he didn't realise. One, that he might actually get the job and two, that it would involve working with magic sniffers.

 

And what an annoyance the creatures are. They keep him up at night, need to feed on expensive fresh fruit and cause him embarrassment.

 

A new inn opens in town and patrons flock to it. Perrin checks it out for forbidden magic, finds none but something doesn't add up. Is it the stranger, clearly a wizard, who makes little effort to cover up his illegal activities? Is it the owner of the new inn, who can't possibly have accumulated enough money to buy the place? Or is it the unfailingly raving reviews?

 

Something fishy is going on, and his boss at the Bureau doesn't even want him to investigate. But Perrin has never let that stop him.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Patty Jansen
• Release date: Sep 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223626268

Patty Jansen

Patty lives in Sydney, Australia, and writes both Science Fiction and Fantasy. She has published over 15 novels and has sold short stories to genre magazines such as Analog Science Fiction and Fact.Patty was trained as a agricultural scientist, and if you look behind her stories, you will find bits of science sprinkled throughout.Want to keep up-to-date with Patty's fiction? Join the mailing list here: http://eepurl.com/qqlAbPatty is on Twitter (@pattyjansen), Facebook, LinkedIn, goodreads, LibraryThing, google+ and blogs at: http://pattyjansen.com/

Book preview

Chapter 1

Back when Perrin was so desperate that he applied for a job as an inspector with the Bureau of Magic Abuse, there were two things he didn’t realise. One, that he might actually get the job and two, that it would involve working with magic sniffers.

And what a handful these creatures turned out to be. They were fluffy things the size of a rabbit that squeaked like rats and wriggled their pointy noses. They had black beady eyes, with which they would notice every little movement and as soon as they spotted him, they would come to the food dispenser in the corner of the cage to see if there was anything to be had. How could one little animal eat that much?

When he released them into inn kitchens to sniff out magic, they disappeared behind stoves, in pantries and store rooms for what seemed like hours on end, so that he had to wait for them to return while seated in the dining room, having to buy the inn’s overpriced, overcooked and over-hyped food.

Then, after the magic sniffer returned to him, it would sit in its cage looking pleased with itself, squeaking at him to be fed. They only ate fresh fruit—which cost a fortune—and good grain, which he had to buy from a special shop that sold seeds for pampered pet parrots and the like. And Perrin had been there so often that the owner knew his name.

And then, of course, that food came out the other end in little elongated balls. If they were too soft, it meant the animal had eaten too much fruit. If they were too hard, it had eaten too much grain.

And besides examining the pellets, he needed to clean them up and refresh the straw in the cage every two days.

Of course, he needed to buy the straw at ridiculous prices as well. It had to be barley straw, for whatever reason. And barley didn’t grow in the fields surrounding Tamba, and no one in Tamba except keepers of magic sniffers—meaning: the Bureau of Magic Abuse—had a use for barley straw, so it needed to be specially brought in.

Did anyone say ridiculous prices?

Magic sniffers looked incredibly cute, and there was no denying that, but Perrin was sure they existed only to assist the bottom line of the pet store, to burn a hole in his pocket, and to make his life miserable.

He had gone into the kitchen of this rather swanky inn for a scheduled inspection to look for illegal magic, he’d released one of the two creatures—not both because keeping one locked up would ensure the other’s return—and had watched it scurry through the kitchen looking under benches and in cupboards. It hadn’t found anything, of course, because this was a reputable establishment and they didn’t use illegal magic.

Like all inns in town, he should add.

But the silly animal had gotten distracted by something and had scampered out of the window into a courtyard where Perrin couldn’t follow it.

He had tried calling the creature, watched with great amusement by the kitchen staff, but had given up because the kitchen workers were laughing at him behind his back. Yes, he was inexperienced at the ripe old age of forty-five, and wondered who had ever thought it a good idea to give him this job because he was clearly not suited to it.

So he could do nothing except wait in the dining room where knew he would have to buy the damn over-priced food. Because he was hungry, and it smelled good.

And that made him cranky, too, because he could ill afford to buy lunch here. On top of that, people in the dining room would recognise him and would either wonder why he sat here with a magic sniffer in a cage on the table, or think he was about to order a lavish spread, or both.

He didn’t know what was worse. He was trying to get away from this world of money and lunches and talk about the latest parties and what everyone was wearing.

Even worse, this was one place where the food was actually worth the cost, and where he used to come in his old life.

The dining room was busy for lunch.

All around him, the business people and other well-to-do citizens of the city were meeting over plates of food and glasses of wine, and the room buzzed with talk. If he wasn’t working, and if all the patrons weren’t looking at him so much, with his remaining magic sniffer in its half of the cage and the open door to the empty half of the cage, he might even have enjoyed it. Once upon a time, he used to love going out to establishments like these, and even though that time was barely a year ago, it seemed impossibly far in the past.

Now, he couldn’t stand the murmur of conversations, the meaning of words just out of hearing. He cringed at the laughter.

People were gossiping about him, he was sure of that.

In his mind, he already heard the voices.

They’d gossip about why they hadn’t seen him visiting the upper class establishments recently and then someone would bring up the death of his partner Atreyo.

And then someone would mention the vile rumours Atreyo’s sister and parents were spreading about him. That he’d only ever been in the relationship for the money. That he stole from Atreyo’s family.

And then they’d laugh when someone mentioned that he now lived in a room above a tea house and didn’t even have a housekeeper. Fancy that.

Depending on how much wine they had consumed, the discussion about him would turn increasingly nasty.

That he came from a family in the country.

He never had a business.

He just… did the books and cooked the meals and cleaned the house.

Not good for anything.

It made him angry and powerless, because he couldn’t stop it, and he hated it so much he just wanted to disappear. But he needed this job for the money, so he tried to ignore it. Tried so very hard.

All those gazes pricked in the back of his head as he sat there with the silly squeaking creature wriggling its nose against the side of the cage.

Perrin stuck his finger through the bars and scratched the top of its head.

You were not supposed to touch the creatures, Inspector Carbin had told the new recruits. They might get distracted.

They were working animals.

But did she even realised that these two silly, naughty, poorly controlled rodents were his only reliable companions now?

And they weren’t even that reliable.

How can I help the dear sir?

Perrin jolted out of his thoughts.

A waitress stood next to his table. She bowed, her ponytail falling forward as she did so.

She was a wisp of a thing, probably not yet eighteen years of age.

He scrambled to gather his thoughts. Eh, the menu… He hadn’t even looked at it. He picked it up and scanned the listings without seeing much. I’d like a light snack, uhm…

In a less swanky establishment, they would have the menu written up on a board on the wall, but this was one of those places where you had to ask for it.

Laeticia, she said. My name is Laeticia, and I’ll be looking after you. But she was looking at the magic sniffer. Aren’t they cute? She held her hand above the cage. They bite, right?

Sure do.

Although that was more myth than truth.

Sure, magic sniffers had a set of vicious teeth like any self-respecting rodent, but the magic sniffer’s worst bite was figurative: one wrong reaction from this creature could sink a business faster than you could say accidentally imported magic.

Magic was not allowed in Tamba. The city was officially a recognised Magic Free Zone. No excuses.

The waitress put her hand back in the pocket of her apron.

All right, Laeticia. Bring me a light snack. The soup of the day and some bread will do.

Certainly, sir.

She bowed again and scurried off to the kitchen, weaving between the tables.

Perrin looked around. There was no sign yet of the recalcitrant magic sniffer.

This inn was really quite nice. The large room opened out into a garden, and a lot of people were sitting in the dappled shade of the trees that grew there. The weather was not too warm and not too chilly, bringing in the scent of flowers from outside. It was late spring, and he used to love this time of year with warm days and crisp nights, when the port would be full of sailors from all the realms, and the markets full of farmers selling produce.

The diners in the room were mostly locals, but also a few travellers from outside the city. You could recognise them by their outlandish outfits, because they would normally be folk that dealt in magic across the border, and they would have had to leave all their magic items with the Bureau office in the harbour or at the station.

A customer next to him was such a man. He was quite tall, wore a long cape and his hair was long and grey, tied back into a ponytail. He looked, and acted, like a wizard.

But when he glanced in Perrin’s direction, Perrin thought his face looked familiar.

He used to travel to the realms with Atreyo. Maybe he had seen the man there?

Their eyes met briefly, but then the stranger’s attention turned to the waitress, Laeticia, who had turned up with a tray with two bowls of soup, two plates of bread and a mug of beer. She put one bowl and plate on Perrin’s table, the other bowl and plate, and the beer on the wizard’s table and left again.

Perrin and went back to studying the people in the room, while slowly eating his lunch. Since this meal cost him a tenth of his weekly pay, he might as well enjoy it.

The soup was good, hot and hearty. The bread was fresh, almost as good as he used to bake it himself. He tore off small pieces and savoured each of them.

All of a sudden, there was a loud thunk of something hard hitting a table. Patrons in the dining room looked up and turned around. The wizard at the table next to Perrin had slammed his mug onto the table and beer had sloshed out.

This is not dragon soup, he called out.

Laeticia had been serving a table on the other side of the room. She set her tray on the tableware cupboard next to the door into the kitchen and hurried over to the wizard’s table.

I’m sorry, sir, is anything wrong? she asked.

This is not dragon soup, the wizard repeated in a loud voice.

What do you mean? This is our specialty, dragon soup. It says so on the menu. Look, I can show you.

Don’t bother. This has nothing to do with dragon soup. You may call it dragon soup, but this is as far removed from a dragon as you can get.

Laeticia’s eyes widened as she realised that the wizard meant soup made from dragons. She met Perrin’s eyes.

Dragons were magic. It was illegal to take as much as a dragon scale into the city.

I can raise it with the cook, she said.

Do that. Bring me a new plate. Make sure it’s the proper thing this time.

Laeticia bowed, took the half-eaten bowl of soup, and after meeting Perrin’s eyes again, scurried to the kitchen.

What was she doing?

She should have told him the truth.

The wizard waited at the table with his hands clasped on the surface.

All around, people had gone back to their talk and laughter.

Perrin wondered what this wizard thought he was doing. If he thought that dragon soup was supposed to contain dragons, he was going to be disappointed in any establishment in Tamba he visited.

He itched to tell the man this, but only last week Inspector Carbin had reminded him that advising inn owners on where to buy ingredients that were less likely to contain magic was not in his job description.

He could ill-afford more trouble.

Probably, Laeticia needed her job as well.

A moment later, she returned from the kitchen and put a second plate in front of the wizard before scurrying off.

He took one sip and exclaimed again, Hey, not so fast, you. This is exactly the same stuff you were trying to give me before. This is not dragon soup. I demand to see the cook who makes this rubbish.

Laeticia apologised and scurried off to the door into the kitchen again, and a moment later the inn’s owner and cook came out. Perrin knew her reasonably well.

Columbina Vespada made up for her slight frame and diminutive form in sheer presence. Her dark eyes missed nothing. Her mouth never uttered an unnecessary word that she didn’t mean, and she defended her exquisitely cooked—if expensive—dishes as if they were her children. Including dragon soup that didn’t contain any dragons.

The dear sir is in one of the best-known establishments in all of Tamba. We take utmost care with our ingredients and preparation. If there was any aspect of the sir’s meal that is not up to par, I will happily replace the meal, but the sir can not hold us responsible for not serving what we’re not allowed to serve. Certainly, the sir would not be so mischievous to suggest that?

Her dark eyed burned like coals.

The wizard scoffed. No, no, certainly not.

"Then I suggest to the sir not to harass my staff about it. There is no dragon meat in the soup. There cannot be dragon meat in the soup anywhere in Tamba."

The wizard snorted. Dragon meat is beautiful.

"It’s illegal. Dragons are proud, majestic creatures. They belong in the mountains across the realms."

"But then, why call it Dragon Soup? Why call your inn The Happy Dragon?"

Because this is a soup I would be proud to feed to a dragon.

Have you ever seen a dragon?

She said nothing.

I thought so. He snorted. Then I hope that you won’t ever meet one, because you’ll find out very quickly that they do not eat soup.

While this was happening, soft fur brushed against Perrin’s bare ankle, and then sharp nails stuck through his trousers.

Ouch.

Perrin protested. Hey, get your dirty kitchen floor paws off my— The wayward magic sniffer scrambled onto his lap, jumped up onto the bench next to him and then onto the table and into the cage. Perrin shut the cage door.

Phew. That was one thing less to worry about.

He gave the animal a cursory inspection.

Its snout sported a white dusting from flour, and unidentified globs of sauce stuck to the fur on its shoulder. The animal scurried into the straw in the corner of the cage and curled up there.

Its partner, in the other half of the cage, only seemed mildly interested.

The people on the next table were looking at it, so he put the cage on the floor, noticing that the animal had smeared sauce on his trousers. Great.

Meanwhile, he had missed what was happening with the argument on the next table.

Columbina stood with Laeticia in the middle of the dining room. They spoke in low voices. Perrin couldn’t hear what they said, but Laeticia used a lot of hand signals. A tear tracked over her cheek.

The wizard had produced a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a short sentence in a curly, loopy hand. When he finished, he dug in his pocket and slid a couple of gold coins under the note.

Then he got up from the table. He crossed the room to where the women stood and touched Columbina’s shoulder.

I’m sorry to upset her, he said. She might want to clear the table.

Perrin stared at that table, with the half-empty plate and the inconspicuous note that hid a small fortune.

Gold coins? Really?

While the wizard left the inn and Laeticia went to clear the cold plate of soup and the treasure, Columbina met Perrin’s eyes. She shrugged and spread her hands.

The soup is great, he said.

Thanks. What a strange character.

Do you know who he is? Perrin asked.

I am sorry. I have no idea. Someone who likes to create trouble?

Obviously.

Chapter 2

Perrin picked up his bowl, drank the remaining bit of soup, collected his bread, which he stuck in his pocket, and followed the wizard into the street.

It was midafternoon and busy in this part of town, with people ambling about and looking at the shop windows along the