Bachelor Tales: A Guide for Single Men

By Sergio Buononasco, MD

This book is mainly written for men of any age who wish to avoid the pitfalls of dating while seeking a partner for life. Although this is written for men, it can be used by women who will experience similar dating problems in their search for a partner. I have tried to encompass all the problems that you may encounter in dating. But I am sure there are a number of experiences that I have missed. My sincere advice is to proceed slowly with someone that you have met and who seems to be a worthwhile individual. It takes time to learn about someone, so don't rush if you think you have found a compatible person for life. It is only with frequent contact and deep discussions that one can learn about a person. I strongly suggest that you read the books that I have mentioned in my narrative. Their usefulness proved invaluable for me in finding a partner for life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9798886548327

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Bachelor Tales

A Guide for Single Men

Sergio Buononasco, MD

Copyright © 2023 Sergio Buononasco, MD

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2023

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

ISBN 979-8-88654-831-0 (pbk)

ISBN 979-8-88654-832-7 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Preface

Priests and Marriage

Marriage

Death

The Psychologist

The Depressed Girlfriend

Psychosis

The Hidden Alcoholic

The Exposer

The Timid One

The Psychiatrist

The Email Junkie

Must-Loves

Old Photos

The Sudden Illness or Emergency Phone Call

The Thai Connection Times Two

The IT Person

The Non-Dater

The Schoolteacher

The Cat Lady

The Chicken Lady

Rape Victim

The Irish Gal

Lipari

The Attractive Dunce

Telephone Chats

The Dreaded Video Chat

Separated

Second Chances

Too Short Courtships

Trip Exceptions

Yoked in Religion

The Reluctant Girlfriend

My Initial Chinese Experience

The China Connection

The Philippines Connection

The Chinese-Malaysian Connection

Swiss on Airplane Connection

The Taiwan Connection

The Canadian-Chinese Connection

OPKs

Drug Addiction (or How Well Do You Know Your Partner?)

Green Card Fever

The Scammer

Illness

Newly Divorced

Lifestyles

Family, Friends, and Religion

PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Love, Asian Style

The Con Artist

You Single, She Married—but You Don't Know That

Deadly Jealousy

Violence

One Man's Chinese Story

Ghosting

Rejection

About the Author

Preface

This is a tale of one bachelor, although it can be applied to all the bachelors in the world who face the same hazards and obstacles to obtaining a life mate.

I have been looking for a partner since the young age of eighteen. And now, sixty years later, I'm still looking for that magic connection with someone who could be my life partner. Of course, now my life is quite short, so my partner does not have to endure me for a very long time. And this may be a good thing.

Some pundits state that marriages and relationships last such short times because we were not meant to live beyond the age of forty. So in caveman times, people lived together for a very short time and did not develop hostilities toward each other as we do now when we can live twice as long.

I have met individuals who have divorced thirty or forty years after tying the knot. I had a relative who divorced at the age of seventy-five. The question I had for her was Why bother after so many years of marriage when your life expectancy is quite short and you have put up with each other for so many years?

The answer was Well, I just couldn't stand his habits anymore even for a few more years. Good riddance.

Prior to the 1970s, married couples rarely divorced and just put up with the idiosyncrasies of each other. Now couples divorce for often trivial reasons such as He didn't take out the garbage cans or She can't cook a hill of beans. However, divorce continues to be a dramatic experience for both partners. Often, each party has to be content with one-half of the previous income, which may make for significant hardships especially when it comes to the children. And make no mistake about it—children of divorce are affected by the divorce often into middle age. So even if the divorcing couple say that it was an amicable divorce, the negative effects are felt deeply by the children for long periods following the divorce.

So this book may center on the many abnormal behaviors encountered in a relationship, but the take-home message is that one must be careful in selecting a mate and avoid the many pitfalls.

I encounter many people who are unhappy with their marriage and want to get out of it as quickly as possible. On the other hand, I meet many singles who can't wait to get back into a marriage even if they previously had bad marriages. It seems that people tend to believe that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. As we know, this is not always the case.

My recommendation is to take it slow when dating a new individual. Get to know the person well—her habits, her idiosyncrasies, her biases, etc. Make sure that you want the same things out of marriage, such as children, sharing the same religion, or handling money matters.

The best thing to do is read some good books together, such as The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and see if you are both compatible. Or read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman. See if you agree with his evaluation of relationships or even participate in his Seattle Love Lab. Another good book by John M. Gottman is Making Love Last.

If I had read these two books, I would have made better choices in terms of marriage and relationships. The one regret I have is the inordinate time I spent in unproductive relationships. This is lost life. I can't tell you how many times I tried to change my partner's outlook or behavior only to realize that I was just spinning my wheels because it is impossible to change someone else. You can only change yourself and make better decisions and choices.

My best advice is to seek someone that you are truly compatible with before taking the plunge into marriage or a long-term relationship.

Chapter 1

Priests and Marriage

I had an interesting experience in college when a priest decided that he wanted to leave the priesthood and marry a woman that he had happened to meet at church. She was a divorcee with three children. The priest, indeed, did marry her after a short courtship of only a few months during which time he was still a priest. The marriage took place after the priest left the priesthood. Unfortunately, the marriage lasted less than a year.

The mistake this priest made was not considering all the life changes that he needed to make for this marriage to work. He had never been married and had remained celibate for most of his life. He lived with other men and had a comfortable life free from having to deal with money matters and children. He worked as a teacher, a job which he loved very much.

To marry this woman, he had to give all of this up. Now he was saddled with supporting a wife and three children. He had to find a job that would pay enough to support his new family. His qualifications were rather limited since his only previous experience was that of a priest. He most likely got a job with a social agency since that appeared to be the best fit for ex-priests.

Finally, he was thrust into a position of helping to raise three children, some of whom were teenagers. He wasn't prepared to deal with the problems of teenagers especially since he had no authority over them since he was not their biological father.

I met another priest who happened to be the pastor of a small church that I attended. I remember sitting on the balcony of my home, having drinks with him, and saying how nice it was for him to be well-ensconced in his calling and to know what he wanted out of his priesthood. He agreed wholeheartedly. I, on the other hand, was not completely satisfied with my life and was searching for another pathway.

It was only three weeks later, while I was in church, that my priest friend played a recording on the pulpit of Jonathan Livingston Seagull's Skybird. It was my priest friend's way of saying that he was leaving the priesthood.

He had met a woman to whom he had been ministering to in the hospital. They fell in love with each other. They moved together to another state and set up shop. He intended to marry her.

I visited them several months after their move. I really never met his love interest. She was in their bedroom apparently still debilitated from her recent hospitalization. Every five minutes, she would call my priest friend for one thing or another. He appeared somewhat frazzled and perhaps slightly annoyed. He seemed to be somewhat uncomfortable with my visit. I remember he ordered out for some pizza for our dinner. We chatted over dinner but really had no substantive discussion about his leaving the priesthood or his future although he had obtained a job with a local social agency.

About a year later, I had moved to another city and a new practice. I joined a local Catholic Church. The diocese published a monthly newsletter, which I happened to read one day. Lo and behold, I noted that my priest friend was now a pastor at a church in a nearby city. So I called him up and said, What happened? He related that he felt that he had made a mistake and really only felt sorry for the woman. He felt that his true calling was to be a priest for God. Again, I sensed that he was uncomfortable talking about what had happened.

What's the takeaway for you from these priestly events? Look before you leap. Take the time to learn about your future partner or wife so that there are no surprises. Have a long courtship, preferably a year or more. If she has children, then see if you can develop an amicable relationship with them. Some children resent another man coming into the family. And remember that as a non-biological parent, you have no power or control over your partner's children. Can you deal with having limited say with regard to your partner's children? Some women resent that you have opposing ideas with respect to the raising of children.

Chapter 2

Marriage

A friend of mine met a woman at a party that he had crashed with a buddy. She was sweet and friendly and lived in the backwoods with her parents, who were sharecroppers. My friend spent the evening dancing with her and felt a love connection with her. It was an overwhelming feeling. He remembers returning home that night and calling his parents who lived in another state to tell them that he had found someone to marry.

They got engaged six months later and then planned the wedding, a Catholic wedding if I remember rightly. He had significant doubts and read a book about whom you should marry if you are a Catholic. Basically, the book stated that he should not marry this woman because she was not Catholic. He was really nervous about