Rising From the Ashes

By Cherie Doyen

Warriors are never victims!

What if you were a highly sensitive, super magical kid plunked down into a world of violence, sex, and danger? In this world of upside-down, nothing feels real. Everything hurts, and no one is to be trusted.

What is love? What is family? Who am I?

Amidst the violence, June finds herself slipping in a

• Language: English
• Publisher: 2020 LITERARY GROUP LLC
• Release date: Jan 8, 2024
• ISBN: 9781961250420

Book preview

Rising From the Ashes

Copyright © 2024 by Cherie Doyen

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

ISBN

978-1-961250-41-3 (Paperback)

978-1-961250-42-0 (eBook)

978-1-961250-40-6 (Hardcover)

Table of Contents

1Family

Tree of Family and Relatives

2Mother Love

Mother in her nurturing state, maiden in her innocence, crone in her wise experience…

3Father

Chinese Symbol for Father

4Younger Brother

Chinese Symbol for Younger Brother

5Family

Tree of Family and Relatives

6Rangoli

Symbol from India, reminding us to not value the works of man and possessions over God and the world of the spirits.

7Apothecary Symbol

Guardian Angel

8Triquetra

Celtic symbol representing a woman’s life cycle, maiden, mother, wise woman.

9Panther

Symbol of Awakening to a Heroic Quest

10Family

Tree of Family and Relatives

11Father

Chinese Symbol for Father

12Panther

The black panther is the symbol of the mother associated with the dark moon. He encourages us to gain power from the darkness no matter the depth of degradation, with the promise of leading us back to the light.

13Spider Web

Just as a spider weaves its web, we weave our lives with our actions and our choices.

14Triquetra

Maiden, Mother, Wise Woman

15Scales

A metaphysical type of weighing in which one side holds the conscience while the other holds the feather of truth.

16Key

Symbolize opening and closing powers, possibly even secrets.

17Junebug

She teaches us how to dig for answers to reveal your needed truths.

18Indalo

The arch represents Rainbow Bridge, the bridge between heaven and earth. Rainbow Bridge in Lake Powell, Utah is one of the world’s largest known natural bridges, and has been held sacred by the American Indians for centuries.

19Mother Love

Celtic symbol for mother and her various phases of life.

20Family

Tree of Family and Relatives

21Dove with Olive Branch

Universal Symbol of Peace

22Yin Yang Lotus

To the Chinese, the Yin Yang enclosed in a lotus symbolizes ultimate purity and perfection.

23Panther

When linked with the panther, one develops clairaudience, the ability to hear communications from other dimensions or other life forms.

24Spider Web

Our lives woven by our choices and actions.

25Pempamsie

West African symbol meaning readiness, steadfastness and hardiness.

26Rangoli

Seen throughout India, reminds us to be aware of keeping our value of God and the spirits above the works of man and possessions.

27Scales

Scales denotes a metaphysical weighing. While one side holds the conscience the other holds the feather of truth.

28Panther

Panther is connected with sexual energy, we are taught to embrace these energies as true power and direct them consciously without judgment.

29Younger Brother

Chinese Symbol for Younger Brother

30Scales

Denotes a Metaphysical Weighing

31Triquetra

Maiden, Mother, Wise Woman

32Horse

To Native Americans, horse combines the grounded power of the earth with the whispers from the spirit realm. He is honored as messenger and helper of spirit knowledge to the people.

33Family

Family Tree and Relatives

34Key

Possibility of Opening or Closing, Possibly Secrets

35Panther

To the American Indians, the black panther is endowed with great magic and power, a symbol of mastery over all dimensions. Indian shamans performed rituals to shape-shift into panther power.

36Triquetra

Maiden, Mother, Wise Woman

37Apothecary Symbol

Guardian Angel

38Junebug

Junebug brings a higher intuitive connection and a keen sense of dissernment.

39Panther

Panther helps us confront and transcend those things from childhood which created suffering and have caused a loss of innate power and creativity.

40Panther

The Egyptians shape-shifted through a ritual called passage through the skin to bring forth the panther power.

41Triquetra

Maiden, Mother, Wise Woman

42Horse

Horse represents a journey and teaches us to discover our own freedom and power.

43Father

Chinese Symbol for Father

44Panther

The panther possesses the medicine of shape- shifting, the ability to shift its physical form to that of a two-legged creature, or another creature, then back to its original form.

45Junebug

Junebug teaches us to navigate different realms bringing forth opportunities to recycle, reinvent and repurpose what you have and know, how you think and act.

46Panther

Reclaiming One’s Own True Power

47Pempansie

Symbolizes Readiness, Steadfastness and Hardiness

48Horse

Horse symbolizes the journey towards discovering one’s own freedom and power. Their clairvoyance gives horses the ability to recognize those with mystic abilities.

49Father

Chinese Symbol for Father

50Rangoli

Symbolizes Change and Mortality

51Mother Love

Celtic Symbol for Mother

52Junebug

Junebug gives the ability to reinvent oneself.

53Pempamsie

Symbolizes strength through unity, as well as the importance of being prepared.

54Triquetra

Maiden, Mother, Wise Woman

55Junebug

She brings forth opportunities to reinvent oneself, to recycle what you think and know.

56Lotus

The lotus represents purity of mind and body, along with actions and speech. It rises above the muddy waters of attachment and desire.

57Triquetra

Maiden, Mother, Wise Woman

58Enzo

Japanese word meaning circle. It symbolizes absolute enligtenment, strength and elegance, along with the universe and the void.

Based on a true story.

Family

Tree of Family and Relatives

My story begins in this sleepy little railroad town. It sits off the interstate in the foothills. With no through traffic, the town hasn’t had much influx of new people or new thoughts in decades. This is a town of secrets. From the outside, a cute little town that hasn’t been touched much by change. The landscape is filled with rolling hills and streams. There’s a creek, big enough to swim in, running right through town. Don’t look too closely at the chipping paint and sagging porches. Everyone is related to everyone, a place no one ever leaves. A place where nothing is as it seems.

I live on a tiny little farm outside of town in a ram-shackled house. I’ve lived there most of my life, except for a short stint in the city in the very beginning. The house is a constant work in progress. The family consists of me, two younger brothers and my parents… or so they say. I’m not sure. Can I really be related to these people? Is it really their blood running through my veins? The younger of my two brothers, Sam, seems to be on the outside, too. He doesn’t seem like the rest. I keep him very close at all times, for safety. I don’t want them to be able to get to him, his mind. The middle boy, Kenny, is meaner than a snake. They’ve gotten to him already.

Our small piece of property is surrounded by a larger farm owned by Mr. Stanford. He has about a hundred acres. The old man has taken a shine to me and my love for animals. He has a beautiful Irish setter named Joe. I love the way his shiny red coat feels sliding through my fingers. Seeing the old man out in the pasture, tall, lean, walking stick in one hand, his faithful companion on the other, makes me smile from the inside. I’m off and running. I cover the distance between us as fast as my legs will carry me. If I’m lucky, we get to spend the day in the garden. He loves to teach me as we go along, telling me about each plant and what it needs to be healthy and strong. This is my favorite time, maybe because he feels I’m worth teaching. Whatever the day turns into, chores are always more fun when they’re someone else’s.

Mr. Stanford lets me graze my horse, Ginger, in his pasture and I get to roam the grounds whenever I want. My playground. The beautiful hills and cliffs are my refuge. By the time I reach the creek, the grime from home is washed away and forgotten. For the moment, freedom and laughter replace reality.

Mother Love

Mother in her nurturing state, maiden in her innocence, crone in her wise experience…

Grandma, my angel. When I’m at Grandma’s, all of Dad’s stupid rules go right out the window. At home, I’m not allowed to be held or rocked.

Don’t want some spoiled brat.

When I’m with Grandma, I get all the love and touching I want. She holds me and rocks me, singing me her funny little songs. How much is that doggie in the window? She loves me and she loves me right. When I’m at Grandma’s, I’m the favorite. She can barely turn around without stepping on me. I always want to be on her lap; women sitting around the table gabbing, and there I am looking up longingly.

Go play and leave Grandma alone for a while, now, Mom tells me.

No, no she’s all right, Grandma says. Come here, sweet Junebug.

I climb up and cuddle in her arms.

The connection most people have with their mother, that’s the connection I have with Grandma. Grandma and Mom all rolled into one. The problem is, I don’t live here. I only get her sometimes. She isn’t my Mom. My support and safety is once removed.

I have a memory of when I was quite small. I’m left in the driveway in an old Rambler station wagon, while Mom goes in to talk to Grandma. I’m told to wait. I have on a little yellow dress and white hat; my feet don’t reach the edge of the seat. I’m in the front and I can’t see out. I’m afraid to move. After a few minutes, I hear the squeak of the old screen door and the swing of the gate. Mom opens the back door of the old car and takes a little round suitcase from the back seat. She then crosses around the front, opens the passenger door, scoops me up and carts me inside. I wasn’t sad being dropped off there. I got a little vacation. Only, after a few days of being there, the anxiety would start, as if they were calling me.

Why would you want to go back there? My brain yells. It’s safe here people don’t hurt you, and you’re the favorite.

In my gut, there is the feeling that I have to get back home to make sure things are okay. The battle inside increases until I’m asking to go home. Maybe it’s the feeling of being dropped off there to get me out of the house? That became Mom’s way of fighting for me after a while: Dropping me off at Grandma’s. The separation gives us all a rest for a second. Even though I love being here, it is a weird feeling to know why.

Father

Chinese Symbol for Father

My first memory of my Dad is far from a pleasant one. The three of us lived in the city for a short while at the beginning of my life. Times were hard on my Mom; she was moved away from her family. She hadn’t ever really been anywhere, much less lived anywhere other than her sleepy little town. She was far away with no car. Her pride got in the way of admitting what life was really like with her new husband and baby. The baby cried all the time, especially if her Daddy was around.

Yes, I was already scared to death of him. They think kids don’t remember things from this young of an age. I’m here to tell you they do.

One particular day, Mom had gone out to run errands. She was allowed this luxury within an allotted amount of time, whatever he deemed appropriate for the task, a curfew of sorts. I was left alone with my Dad. On cue, I begin to cry and when he enters my room, I begin to howl. He checks my diaper and with his touch, my cries grow louder and even more intense.

There’s nothing to do but lift her and give her a little shake; see if that shuts her up. No, that didn ‘t work. How about a good smack? What do you know? That didn’t work either. What now? He lays me down and leaves the room. My howls are deafening at this point.

He shuts the door, pops a beer, and paces in circles around the tiny apartment, the cries wearing on his every nerve. How long can she possibly last? He’s not able to bear it another moment—oh wait, first another beer, that always helps; he then decides he’s going to have to teach me a lesson. He lifts me from the crib saying, You better shut up if you know what’s good for you.

I didn’t.

Another good shake… More crying. A few more smacks. Finally, exhausted and in shock, I gasp for air. Then, the quiet. Only the heavy breathing from crying so hard, for so long, remains. He leaves the room, proud of himself.

Mom returns right on time. I taught that screaming kid a lesson, he tells her, gloating. Finally got her to shut up. You just have her spoiled rotten.

Every hair on her body stands at attention. She quickly takes the few steps to the baby’s room. She’s horrified. The bruises are already beginning to appear on her little baby’s body, and she’s quiet, eerily quiet. Tears stream down Mom’s face. Holding me in close to her body, she makes a beeline for the door. If she can just get to the door, maybe she can get to the neighbors.

She never made it.

Screaming, hitting, crying. She was still fighting for me then.

They settled on moving back home, back to the safety and comfort of her family. Of course, there were promises of no more hitting. I watched this from my safe spot, in the corner from above. I watched it all. It was before I was called to the other place. I was about six months old at the time. We remember. Eventually, we always remember.

Younger Brother

Chinese Symbol for Younger Brother

The boys and I are all three years and some months apart. I’m the oldest, then Kenny… Sam’s the baby and my pride and joy. I feel as if I have birthed him myself. He is so weak and so tiny. My goal is for him to be a kid, to believe in fairy tales, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. I want him to have the part of life I’m missing, the magic.

Sam had a hard time in the beginning and had to stay in the hospital for a really long time after he was born. The waiting, it was bad enough to wait that whole time he was in her belly, but now this. She’s back home, and he has to stay there all by himself. Here we are living life in the same old way, like nothing’s happening. It feels like it’s never going to end.

Mom sets up the crib right outside of their room, in a little alcove. My bedroom is right next to theirs. I can see the crib from my bed. I can’t take my eyes off of it. I keep imagining him there… Sleeping.

It won’t be long now, Mom says.

Then finally the day comes when they get to bring him home. There is no sleeping the night before. I have been waiting for so long. I’m not allowed to go with them into the city to the hospital… They won’t let me. They say Kenny and me will have more fun here with Grandma.

It’s a long ride for Kenny, Mom says.

Let him stay with Grandma, I sob. I want to go.

NO… you’re not going. Now shut up about it and go play, is what I get back. So I wait, and wait, and wait. Grandma does her best to keep me distracted, but I can’t pay attention to any of her stories today.

Hours later, I hear the tires on the gravel drive and bolt from the house. I’m about to pee my pants I’m so excited. Mom has him pulled in close to her chest.

Wait, I can’t see.

Let them get out of the car, June. Grandma takes hold of my shoulder and gently pulls me back so that Mom can open the door. Be patient until they get him inside.

More waiting. It’s like Christmas, the anticipation and all… of… the… waiting.

After getting settled inside, the blankets are pulled away, and I finally