Paradox

By Hope Tracy

Ever since Captain Kris Janelle (a.k.a. Raven) woke up, she had the feeling that something was wrong, but she could not quite put her finger on it. Lately, she had been pulling back into her shell as she had when she was young. While on duty Raven will need to keep her wits about herself. She decides to ignore the churning in her gut, but as the day would go on, it goes from bad to worst in a quick minute. Everything is spinning out of control, and now she had voices in her head that would not shut up. How could she navigate this new normal and remain sane?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9798886543131

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Paradox

Hope Tracy

Copyright © 2023 Hope Tracy

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2023

ISBN 979-8-88654-308-7 (pbk)

ISBN 979-8-88654-313-1 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

For my mother and father. Thank you, Mom, for the endless hours spent reading to me and making the pages come alive, sparking my imagination and love for books. Thank you, Dad, for sharing your love of sci-fi with me. It is something I dearly love. You both have been a great influence on me, and I love you both.

The email for the book is: [e-mail]

Prologue

Chapter 1

How Can I Reach You?

Chapter 2

One Long Day

Chapter 3

Where Is My Head?

Chapter 4

Trapped!

Chapter 5

Running Very Late

Chapter 6

Déjà vu

Chapter 7

What the Hell Is Going on Here?

Chapter 8

Going Crazy

Chapter 9

All Hell Breaking Loose

Chapter 10

Look Who's Come a Knocking

Chapter 11

So Tell Me

Chapter 12

Where Are We?

Chapter 13

Getting Lost in This Moment?

Chapter 14

Where the Hell Are You?

Chapter 15

Just Waiting for the Next Shoe to Drop

Chapter 16

Back at Base

Chapter 17

What Goes Around Comes Around

Chapter 18

Not a Traitor

Chapter 19

What Now?

Chapter 20

What to Think?

Chapter 21

No Rest for the Wicked

Chapter 22

Here We Go

Chapter 23

Did I Say That?

Chapter 24

True Frustration

Chapter 25

Road Diverged in a Wood

Chapter 26

Long Way Home

Chapter 27

Back to the Beginning

Chapter 28

More Troubles

Chapter 29

Another Fine Mess

Chapter 30

From Out of the Quiet

Chapter 31

What Do We Do Now?

Chapter 32

No Time Left to Talk about It

Chapter 33

The Time for Talking Is Over

Chapter 34

Blood on the Ground

Chapter 35

After All Is Said and Done

Chapter 36

Never Enough Time

Chapter 37

What Day Is It?

Chapter 38

When Will It Just End?

Chapter 39

So Goddamn Tired

Chapter 40

Can You Go Home Again?

Chapter 41

Finally Finished What You Started

Chapter 42

How Things Have Changed

Chapter 43

The Past Is Gone

Chapter 44

Now the Time Has Come

About the Author

For my mother and father. Thank you, Mom, for the endless hours spent reading to me and making the pages come alive, sparking my imagination and love for books. Thank you, Dad, for sharing your love of sci-fi with me. It is something I dearly love. You both have been a great influence on me, and I love you both.

The email for the book is: [e-mail]

Prologue

It's time to come out of the shadows, he thought as he spent another day trying to get through to her. The threat to this planet was now confirmed. Now was the time to react. Somehow, the military made its way to this planet. Now they were working on getting a foothold in the outer region. He had to make her understand that this was the last chance to stop them once and for all. Automatic writing, his people called it, was a new technique they had never tried before with any of their hosts. He sat down resolutely, knowing he had to keep at it until he made it through to her. He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts.

"Well, let's start at the beginning, shall we? Our research vessel Kurios was on Earth to observe the evolution of the planet. We were not to interfere in any way. The first bipeds intrigued us with their ability to evolve and learn to control their environment. When the climate changed drastically: we became concerned that they would become extinct. Our scientists decided to help them by starting with small suggestions like how to create fire or make weapons for protection. Civilization started to grow as we found that some of our subjects were more susceptible to suggestions than others. Many innovations came from the information that was provided to the right person. The same thing happened with great pieces of art and literature. We meant no harm by any of it, but while much of your civilization thrived on knowledge and peace, some did not. For every dictator that sought to control, we helped others to fight against them. Unbeknownst to us, our militaries had long-term intentions for the earth. Our military took over the hosts in high positions of government all over the world. They preyed on the weak of mind, and the disenfranchised, leading them to horrible acts against their fellow men. Great atrocities were committed, as history will bear out. The Inquisition in Europe, the witch trials in Salem, both world wars, and so many others—all test runs for their final solution to rid the earth of all its inhabitants." There was sadness that filled the room as he remembered how many of his people, including his parents, were rounded up and killed for their dissidence. Many were lost in the final battle for Earth. He swallowed hard and began again.

Late in 2056, it began before anyone noticed. The military had almost succeeded in taking over the earth when the humans did the one thing that no one expected. They destroyed their planet with nuclear devices. This made the planet unlivable for all of them and us. We could no longer live outside our hosts, and the radiation killed most of the human population. Only the children remained, and they became a safe place for us to hide. You and the others were our hope for the future. Now he sat back, thinking of the many children they saved the years after the war. We decided we would help Earth's children survive the genocide brought upon them, and now it was time to do it again.

Chapter 1

How Can I Reach You?

A man sat alone in front of a computer in a dimly lit room. The years starting to show on his face as he looked down at the cup in his hands, watching the ripples in the liquid as it moved around in circles. Itus had been putting this off for a while, wishing it would not come to this, but the happenings of this past year scared him.

It's beginning again. Goddamn, why here, why now? He asked himself as he walked over to fill his cup. This time, he just could not let it go unchecked."

I can only hope this new technique will allow information to pass through her subconscious mind and into reality. This is the first time I've used it though. So far, she hasn't returned to reading her journals, and I don't know if she will. This has to work! I just don't know what else to do. It may be the only path to save them.

A loud crash behind makes Itus jump.

I am so sorry. I was coming to bring you some food. You have been working here for days, and have not eaten anything. My apologies sir, I will clean this up and get you another plate of food.

Itus acknowledged the young woman as he sat with his hands behind his head. Itus remembered a time, another time, a different host. He was much better at taking direction than this young woman. Getting up to refill his cup, Itus glanced at the pictures on the wall—two dozen ships in the convoy, all listed as a reminder of what he had lost. It was as if they had just disappeared. He read some of the names wanting to remember their faces but to no avail. How long had it been?

Two dozen ships out of thousands, he said, shaking his head in disgust. Tears welled up in his eyes. As one fell, he quickly wiped it away.

Back to work, Itus. You are not helping yourself here. He had put these feelings on hold a long time ago, and now was not the time to rehash the past.

He relaxed back in his chair and began again.

Commander Itus Theos of the Research Vessel Xenior

Log star date: December 29, 4077

Okay, here goes…

Chapter 2

One Long Day

Ha ve you ever woken up thinking, M an, is this going to be a long day? That's how my day started. I was set to go on patrol to monitor the areas around Outland City that morning, but I wasn't able to get rid of my feelings of apprehension. Throughout the daily routine, I fought to keep my mind on other things.

Hey, Janelle, what's up? You lost today. The loud voice came from the back of the room. I turned around to find Captain Tory Jensen.

What can I say? I can't get it together today, I said with a half-assed smile.

You need to pull it together. You're patrolling the Outlands today, and you know how exciting that is. She broke down into laughter, making me feel foolish.

Outland is a colony on the far side of Chance City. Some of the people living there are half-breeds or mutants. Still, others are there because they don't like the fast pace of Chance City. For the most part, though, the people are mostly friendly.

Tory just liked to give me the business because she knew I had pulled this same duty four times this month, more than most officers ever do in six months. I didn't care though; it gave me time to relax. Flying had a calming effect on me. I felt like a god when I was looking down over the peaceful landscape. I was free.

Finally getting my food, I didn't know why I had taken so much because my stomach was tied in knots.

Walking by the rows and rows of tables filled with people, my mind was a whirl as I sat down. A few minutes later, Tory slammed down her tray, heaped with food, across from me.

Are you going to eat all that? I asked.

Yeah, what's the problem, Janelle? Don't like the food? She uttered sarcastically.

Is that what they are calling it?

It's not that bad. Besides, I work better on a full stomach.

I took a good long look at her dark-brown hair that curled around her face like a picture frame. She had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. Those deep dark-blue eyes seemed to pull you in and hold you there, allowing you to get lost in them. It was hard to see much else. They took the attention off the small but muscular body. With all of that, no one would ever guess how she could eat so much. Sick! It never showed on her anywhere.

Hey, would you wake up, Janelle? Raven!

I must have been staring off because her words brought me back to reality. (Raven was a nickname given to me when I was young because of my jet-black hair.)

I'm sorry. I can't seem to get it together.

Concern washed over her face.

How are you going to fly today if you keep drifting off like that? she asked, not taking her eyes off me the whole time.

I'm fine. I promise, I said as I picked at my food. I knew exactly what would happen if I didn't. That would mean I would have to fly every lousy mission they had—places that had freak windstorms that kicked up the sand so bad that a person could be lost there and never seen again.

On a good day, that meant flying over miles and miles of sand without a living thing in sight—no trees, no animals, no water, just lots of sand. Talk about boring stuff. I never understood why we patrolled out there. Maybe the old ways were hard to forget. I don't know. Anyway, the authorities must have felt that invaders would come again, and this time we'd be ready for them. I sat quietly as thoughts washed over me.

You didn't hear a damn thing I said, did you? Commander Roberts's angry voice came from behind us. You feeling sick today, Raven?

We jumped up to stand at attention. His face was turning reder, the longer we took to answer.

You know we can get— Tory cut him short.

"No, sir, um, everything is okay! Raven had a hard time sleeping last night, so she's a little tired, but she'll be fine after a cup of coffee or two."

He shot her an odd glance as his eyes bore deep into her.

Well, she better be, or the both of you are on the hot seat! He turned and stomped off.

I uttered under my breath, Thanks, I owe you one.

You owe me a big one, and don't think I won't collect because I will. She shot me a devilish grin.

Lately, we had been getting closer than ever, and this scared me out of my wits. I wanted to let her in so many times about how I felt, but there was always something that stopped me. I knew deep in my heart she would always be there for me if I needed her.

I ate very little. Lost in my thoughts the whole time, I barely noticed Tory asking if I wanted to take time off to go to the lake again.

Well, what do you think? she asked.

What? Oh, sorry…ah, the lake…I—ah, I'll see…can I tell you when I get back tonight? I promise I will tell you then. I am not sure what I have going on yet.

Tory's shoulders dropped. I knew that she could feel the distance between us as of late, which was all coming from me. I had pulled away, moving back to my place on base. Her smile faded, and her eyes got a distant stare. I had hurt her. I got up and dumped my tray, looking back at Tory sitting there. I came up behind her and sat down, bumping her.

Hey, I tell you what. How about next week if I can get the time approved? We can make it a week of no work, just relaxation. How's that sound to you? I put on my best smile. As soon as I said it, I regretted it. I wanted to take it back, but after looking into her eyes (those beautiful eyes), I just couldn't.

Are you sure? I mean, I understand if— I cut her off.

I am sure. Okay! This made her smile come back.

Well, great then. Cool, we can do some fishing. She continued to talk about the trip as I nodded occasionally so she wouldn't think I was not paying attention.

That smile on her face, how could I let her down? Oh, how I loved that smile. Oh my god, there it was again. That four-letter word could fill me with so much fear and so much happiness at the same time. When did that word move into my vocabulary? I had to remember. It seemed to break into my everyday statements now. Our conversations changed somewhere along the way. They went from I had a great time tonight or I like to hang out with you and were replaced by I love being with you here. More and more, my thoughts of Tory always started with the word love in it I would love to see Tory's face when I get this home. On the other hand, when asked what she was like by a coworker, I'd say, I love working with her. She makes the job fun. This was all very new to me, but it felt warm.

We had gone to do some fishing once. We were laughing about something that had happened that day when she got a bite on her line. She stood up to reel it in.

Hey, get over here and help me pull it in.

I took the reel as she grabbed the net, moving closer to the water's edge. She looked like a child waiting for her prize. As the fish got closer, she stepped forward. I saw her foot slip, and in she went.

Oh shit, that is cold!

Don't just stand there laughing at me! Help me out! I was laughing so hard; all I could do was watch her flounder.

Well, are you going to help me or not? she said, trying not to laugh. I put down the fishing pole and reached out my hand. She quickly grabbed it. As I pulled her back on shore, her lips were turning blue, and she was shivering all over. I hastily grabbed the blanket we had been sitting on a moment before and wrapped her in it.

You are an ass. You were going to leave me in there, weren't you? She flashed that devilish smile at me.

What? You know I would never do that to someone I loved. There it was. It just popped out without thought of a way to take it back. Nor did I want to. The look on her face was one of shock at first until she saw the panic on mine.

Oh yeah? she said, dropping the blanket and lunging at me, throwing us both into the water, and just like that, the panic was gone.

I only heard bits of what Tory had been talking about since we left the mess hall, but she was so happy I just could not stop her.

Man, my mind is just wandering off today. What is wrong with me? I said to myself as I shook my head. We walked down the tarmac toward our ships; mine was ready for takeoff.

Tory and I stood there, suited up, watching the flight crew finish the final checks.

The first time I had to fly solo, I was full of piss and vinegar but it didn't help me one bit. I was so scared I thought I'd be sick.

Tory came over and talked to me. I was so scared of failing and being sent back to basic training that I was shaking. The only thing that got me through it all was her constant support and reassurance that I would do well. The day of my flight, she must have seen me quaking in my shoes.

Pick one! I pulled back, startled.

What? I asked.

Pick one! Glancing down at her hand, I could see a pack of different flavor gums.

Pick one! she urged. Cherry, watermelon, or grape—what's your favorite flavor?

Watermelon. Is there a reason you're giving me gum? I couldn't pull my eyes away from her gaze.

"Trust me. It helps if you're scared. Just chew faster. It will keep your mind off the very thing you're scared of. Trust me, okay?"

"Okay," I said doubtfully. The funny thing is, it worked. Since then, it has always been an inside joke between us. Out on the tarmac, she stopped to watch me climb into my ship. I heard her say.

Keep the wind at your back and fly straight.

Still out of sorts, I replied lamely, You too, see you when I get back, I turned quietly, putting on my helmet, when heard Tory coming up from behind.

Cherry, watermelon, or grape—what's your favorite flavor?

Watermelon, of course. I giggled loudly.

You know, you're getting pretty darn predictable. You never pick anything different. I just don't know why I ask anymore, she said in her smart-ass style.

As I watched her walk away, she turned and said, Be safe out there. Those words would ring in my ears repeatedly.

I fired up the engines and looked back at Tory's ship; I whispered, You too! I was next to take off and happy to do so. I could finally, relax. I was so glad to get away, even if it was only for a short time.

Who knows, maybe this would give me some time to think about the question Tory had asked me a few weeks ago. I told her I would think about it, but since then, I had put it out of my mind keeping my distance since I felt bad, but I just didn't know what to say. This was the first time since we met that I felt so alone. I had told her a little bit about myself, but I didn't tell her how afraid I was that she and all this might be a dream, that I was still that scared kid on Earth fighting to stay alive.

Well, maybe a little time in the air would clear my thoughts, I told myself, trying to muster up my confidence in my decision-making. I would definitely need to see her when I get back. We needed to talk. As I waited for my turn to take off, I let my mind slip into the past.

*****

I was born a year before the war ended, so the chaos that fell from the skies was just images of bright light and loud noises. I remember playing in the ruins of the old burned-out structures. I always wished that I had gotten a chance to see them when the city was full of life, lights, and the noise from people going about their day. My mother died shortly after my second birthday, or so I was told by Grif. He found me on one of his food runs. Life in those days was all about finding food and hiding from those that would take it from you. My new family was a tough group of hungry kids left behind from the destruction of our cities and their families.

Not many adults were alive after the fighting stopped, my parents included. The air had grown hard to breathe. The pollutants released in the air as the war raged on had many effects on the inhabitants. The first to go when the war started were the very old. The elderly died quick, simple deaths. The air became too thick to breathe.

Some of the youngest children that had weak or undeveloped lungs died as well. As the war raged on, more and more of the men and women were sent off to fight. The population dwindled. Toward the end of the war, most of the inhabitants lived in the mountain caves, but there were still some city dwellers that refused to leave. Many moved underground into the sewers and tunnels of the big cities. These places were safer from the vile thugs and mutants left over after the war.

The family and I had fought many of these thugs and mutants in order to survive; we tried to stay out of their way. We were the ones left behind to pay the ultimate price of war. That is where I grew up. It was a mass transit tube built to go under the water, right outside of a place they called San Francisco, one of the few places left that were safe in the city, or so we thought. My father had been killed a long time before the family found me, or so I was made to understand from the letters Grif saved from my mother's bedside. I don't have any memories of his face in my mind.

The leader of my family was a tall, thin boy by the name of Grif. He was seventeen but always seemed older. He was responsible even for his lack of years. Maybe it was because he had seen more of the fighting, living to tell the tale. On the other hand, it's possible that he had to be that because he had five of us little ones to take care of. I don't know what kept Grif going. All I know is if he hadn't discovered me, I wouldn't be here today. I think of him often. It was as if he was sitting over my shoulder, watching me, guiding me. Although it had been years since I lost him, I still feel the emptiness in my heart.

Tory

Tory walked slowly to her ship, not wanting to look back at Raven. She knew it would make her feel more uneasy about letting her go. Therefore, she just kept walking, hoping that the sinking feeling would just go away. Some time at the lake was just what they needed to reconnect. Of late, they had drifted apart, making Tory feel alone and lost. Raven never wanted to talk about her past much, but Tory knew it had a lot to do with how Raven reacted to different things. Reaching the ship, she got in and waited for her turn. They would need to talk when they got back. She thought back to the first time they had spoken.

Hi, my name is Kris, but people call me Raven. Looks like we've been assigned to the same platoon, Raven said, flashing a smile.

Hi, I'm Tory. Yeah, I guess we'll be flying together. Is this your first time flying? Tory asked, even though she knew the answer. She looked down, trying not to make eye contact.

Sure is. I am from Earth, and if you don't have a bike there, you're walking. Earth doesn't have cars or planes or anything for that matter.

This kid was sassy and full of spunk, Tory thought to herself.

Don't know what to expect. They picked this for me. Didn't look like I had much of a choice, but I guess I'll make do. The way she said this made Tory giggle. She knew she liked her right away. Her deep dark eyes could move right through you, making you feel as if she could read you like a book (the bad part was that she could).

If I can do anything to make your stay here a little better, let me know. I could show you around if you like. We have a couple of nice places to go and get away. From the start, Tory wanted a chance to get to know this fireball away from the noise of the base. Tory got her chance about a month later. They had just come off a long shift, and the platoon had two days off for R and R.

So, do you want to come with me? I know this great place just outside of town, Tory asked.

I would love to see something nicer than this old dusty base.

Raven laughed.

Well then, I know just the place.

The wind was kissing the tops of the trees as they arrived at the heavily wooded area not far out of town. The sun came drifting down from the sky in long streams of light on the dark-green grassy meadow next to the lake. The air was warm; it was the kind of day just right to relax outside. It was great to get away from the heavy grind of the base.

This was Tory's favorite place; she had come here as a child with her parents. Just upstream was the house where she had grown up. Long days were spent playing in a boat on this lake, fishing with her father. She could see her mother sitting on the shore reading a book. The sun lit up her face making her look like an angel. She would never forget those times.

The two of them sat and talked for a long time. Raven got up and walked down to the lake. Tory laid out lunch on the cold grass. Raven called to Tory, then threw off all her clothes, and with a loud scream, she jumped into the ice-cold lake.

What do you think you're doing? Tory asked, amazed by the sight.

It's great! Get in.

Hell no, are you crazy? What makes you think I want to freeze my ass off? Tory was a bit shy and didn't want Raven to laugh at her.

I won't look if it makes you feel better. Come on! She said condescendingly.

Fine, but turn around and stay that way till I get in.

Raven stayed true to her word until she heard Tory step into the water. She turned around, pulling Tory in up to her waist.

Oh shit! You lied. This water is cold!

At that, Raven splashed her as she stood there, hands crossed over her chest. Tory grabbed Raven and pushed her down into the water repeatedly until she called uncle. Standing in the ice-cold water, they both were out of breath.

I'll race you to the other side, Raven said, and off she went. Raven hit the other shore minutes before Tory.

Hey, that's not fair, she said in a whiny voice.

Not my fault you're too slow! Raven jeered.

You cheated. Tory gasped for air. It had been a long time since she had this good of a time. Then something happened that neither of them expected. Tory dove into the water, coming just under Raven; and pulled her down. Raven popped up quickly, and when she did, she was in Tory's arms. They stayed that way for what seemed like forever. As they looked into each other's eyes, the world just faded away. Tory felt herself lean in and…

*****

Flight 865, you are cleared for takeoff, runway 2.

Chapter 3

Where Is My Head?

Flying wasn't my original selection of duties. Being on the ground would have been just fine with me. An engineer, ground crew, or even flight tech position would have been just great. Fortunately, for me, in those days, we did not get much chance to choose what we preferred. Today, if I could, I would thank them for giving me the one thing I love above all else. It was the right decision for me, although I didn't know it at the time. Flying has become part of me now. Silently cruising over the ever-shifting landscapes was the best part. Even a short flight worked to clear my mind. The pit in my stomach was almost gone. I think I had come to a decision on what to say to Tory when I got back to base.

I was halfway through my shift over Outland City when I came across a large group of people near the center of town. I thought it odd, being how cold it was outside, and that most meetings in Outland took place in the town hall this time of year.

Raven, to base, there is an odd gathering being held in Outland near the center of town. I am going down to take a closer look. The voice on the other end was Sam, a friend of hers.

Acknowledge, Raven. Do you need backup? Sam always sounded so businesslike, even though he was the base cut-up.

No, thanks, just checking in. I am checking something out to make sure everything is all right.

Okay, stay frosty.

Roger that base. Raven out. I put her down a little ways from town so as not to draw attention to myself. Walking through the town. It seemed everything—stores, schools, even the local house of worship—appeared closed, all of which was usually a mecca of humanity. The only things that were moving were the trees as the wind touched the tops of them, bending them to their will. As I drew ever closer to the assembly, there was a humming sound coming from the crowd that reminded me of the sound of cicadas.

The buzzing sound got louder the closer I got. The whole town's inhabitants were standing around and staring at a man preaching at the podium. He seemed very passionate as he spoke, banging his hand on the podium every time his voice got louder.

Even though I drew ever closer, I could still not make out his words. The men and women stood in the frigid air: their heavy jackets tightly held around their necks. Some even had large hats with earflaps and brightly colored scarves tied tight to help block the cold air from slapping their faces. The wind whipped and whistled frantically around them. I didn't understand how they could stand so still. I could feel the cold nipping at my face, making my teeth chatter. Although my uniform had temperature control, it didn't seem to matter. Now that I was standing in cold air, I wished that I hadn't left my helmet behind. I dug my chin into my suit and kept walking through the townspeople. It was hard to believe that no one even took notice of me, as if I was transparent. Their blank, emotionless stare freaked me out.

There you go again! They're just trying to hear the speaker. That's