EEEEVGRRR is it good to be evil and evil to be good

By Dr A

“BACK to SCHOOL!”. What a brand! Shouted from the floors of all books and groceries stores! Blared from TV and radio stations, billboards, print and social media! “BACKKKKK TOOOOO SCHOOOOOL! Would love to meet the conceptualiser of the brand! It categorically is universal! Regardless of gender or age, BACK TO SCHOOL engage everybodeeeeeeeeee! From pre-school to Grade 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12! So!!! ‘BACK TO SCHOOL inventor, you score 0-10! 1-100. Percent!’. 
TOOLS, or FOOLS , who RULE at the SCHOOLS! Boasting a Diploma, a B Degree, a his/her Master’s voice, or even a Doctorate. You be the Judge!
Foul owls booing not hooing! The headmistress of St. Pluto being tormented by the Hoos Hoo! 
There is a  Captain of the Grr gang! 
Bobbit,  throughout  the Grross, Grrab, Grrowl trauma, is the Miss’  ee ‘chomma’ !
There are NAPKINS and  STICKERS!  Prefects and Defects! Pedagogues and Demagogues!  Top scorers and flop performers.
Strikes and Brindas! Peters and Zodwas! Do’s, Loos, Boos and Blues! If you lose you choose!
Seven! 7! Days only! Monday to even on a Sunday! Welcome to Boom Doom!
Enjoy the ‘write’!
Dr  A

• Language: English
• Publisher: Europa Edizioni
• Release date: Feb 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9791220138215

Book preview

Acknowledgements

you for your intercession.

DOEDSKIE! YOU can DO it!

Adelaide (Choekie) Potgieter

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Scene 1

ST. PLUTES TOOTS

UYELL

YOUTH YELLING!

FREAKTIONARY!

Word/Phrase                                                      Meaning                         Big time                                          A huge church clock

brain-broke    NO IQ! IQ! UQ! We all Q for I Q for IQ!

C u now!                                          Yes I can see you!  china/s 

EE lingo!                                                      EE language                       

isee rongwee!                                                    is wrong! AllC AulPee andee                                      Call Paul and Odwazee otee xplaineee                      Zodwa to explain

hetee oreigfee                                                  the foreign  xpressioneee otee youee!                    expression to you! Theyee areee omingcee                        They are coming upee theee tairsee ownee!                    up the stairs now!

empertee.                                                          temper. TaySee                                                                      Stay almcee".                                                                  calm!

Freak out!                                                Going berserk!

F¥¥¥K!                                4 U no and 4 me 2 find out! Gabba/Gabbas !                                                  Friend/s Pronounced  gutturally!           

Gonna !                                Going!        Going!    Gone!

Guys                                                                      Unisex

Ga Ga                              Pong!  (Exclaimed gutturally!).

Gnaw-T !                                          Naughty! Naughty!                         

Ha Ga Ga Ga GA                        Fit of guttural laughter! HoH                                                    House of Horrors!

I have a lion!                          Want to rip someone/some people, apart!   

I’ll call you from my cell!                Phone from Prison!

I go now!                                                        Where to?

I’ll speak to you!                        I’ve just spoken to you! 

Love you more!                                    St. Paul to YOU! 

Joe Maasse                    Curses one’s enemies’ mother!

Like                                                    Unlike like like!

LOL (1)                                                  Laugh out loud!

LOL (2)                                                      Lots of Love!

LOL (3)                                                  Loads of Love!

My china                              My friend, gabba, for Now!

OOAK!                                                  One Of A Kind!

SoL                                                                Sun of Life

Oops!                                                            My mistake!

Randy                                              Sexually overactive!

To rock!                                                    Take over like!

TU TU                                        Thank you! Thank you!

UYEL          I, Miss Nickers  language invention for YOUTH YELLING!"

Jah!                                                                          YES! 

YOH!                                            Blown over! Shocked!

You guys!                                                            Unisex! 

Scene 2

The morning was very cold! Smoke was bellowing out of the old farmhouse. A tangible eerie silence nestled in the meadows. The sturdy building with its huge back veranda remained a mystery to the people of the village. Adventurous boys and girls often embarked on fact finding missions but never quite accumulating the necessary courage to enter this weird, yet most intriguing building! What or who was in the house? Nobody knew! Yet, every morning round about sunrise, its familiar soot clouds would burst forth into the country life fresh air. Kafiek Shahn, the local printer, who many moons ago was responsible for the weekly local newspaper known as Viva Vavi. Legend would have it that Vavi was a political activist, who, about a hundred years ago, protested against the owl brawls!

Scene 3

Mr John Jack Jackaws who lived in close proximity to the weird wreck, could … for the life of it does not recall… how this strange place, situated on the outskirts of a town called Boom Doom Village, originated.  Numerous visits to the town planning office, scrounging though literally hundreds of years of building plans and title deeds, made both researchers and nosies none the wiser! With the result that everybody had come to accept that the structure which smoked in the morning, just happened! But you know what young people are like! They want to know! Remember when Mom or Dad used to say: Don’t touch, its ‘eina!’ (ouch), you stubbornly refused the advice until such time that you burnt your fingers!

Scene 4

The head mistress of St. Pluto, the Boom Doom Village local co-ed school, had her hands full to try and prevent the learners from going to what she, Miss Nickers, called the crazy cottage. However, what was Miss Nickers’ close kept secret, is the fact that she one evening, round about midnight, grabbed together the courage to by her sole self take a risky walk to the deserted homestead! Miss Nickers could still remember what a tranquil, serene evening, it was. For some strange reason, the countryside in which the mystery ruins nestled, was on that particular night devoid of the hooting of what easily must have been thousands of owls! By the way, for hundreds of years everybody in the village would every night until the hoot, hoot, hooting stopped, lock their doors, shut their windows, and all the members of the family would crouch into one room! Why was their no hooting that night!, Miss Nickers, the big boss of the school pondered? For a moment she considered turning back. Yet the probing questions as to the why, who, and which, Miss Nickers has had to face from two, almost three generations of Grade 8 to 12 learners, compelled Miss Nickers to fulfil her mission!

Scene 5

The crazy cottage was hulled in pitch darkness. Poor old Miss Nickers could almost not even see one meter ahead of her. But strangely enough! It was almost as if Miss Nickers’ body was floating towards the back door of The House! As Miss Nickers got within a five-metre distance from the back door, she froze! Miss Nickers then felt as if she had landed on a mountain of candy floss. Miss Nickers then started descending deeper and deeper into the chambers of this silky abyss.

Miss Nickers then heard the faintest, but all-embracing sound, noise, singing, creaking, buzzing, and whistling. You name it! Miss Nickers’ ears were being enticed with an overwhelming, overpowering, melodious yet monotonous tune which, to her, sounded like ee! ee! ee! ee! ee! ee! ee! ee! ee! ee!!

Scene 6

Miss Nickers frenetically tried to identify the source of this ee ee ee symphonic sensation! Soothing vibrations were tickling Miss Nickers’ body from head to toe. All this was so thrilling! Who were making these harmonious ee sounds? Miss Nickers at first thought it was some type of beetle (gogga). But no matter how much Miss Nickers probed, she couldn’t feel or see what or who these strange, but wonderful creatures were! Yet the powerful, pleasant cacophony of eeing made Miss Nickers feel as if she was in a place called Merry Land! Finally, Miss Nickers’ fantastic descend was accomplished! Realizing that her feet were now on a solid surface, Miss Nickers sneakily looked to what she in fact had tapped on. To Miss Nickers’ wonderful amazement, she saw that she stood ankle deep in the biggest, most magnificent sea of red roses! Still dazzled by the millions or were they billions of ee ee ee sounds, Miss Nickers became dazed by the beautiful fragrance emanating from the gigantic bed of Valentine entities, she was standing in. Miss Nickers’ body was shivering with pleasure, excitement, and ecstasy! It felt as if a gazillion of people were admiring, appreciating, and applauding her. Even though the jingles were illegible to Miss Nickers, words and phrases like Thank you Miss Nickers We’re proud of you Miss Nickers, We love you Miss Nickers, Wish there were more mortals like you Miss Nickers, Keep on keeping on Miss Nickers, Thank you for treating people fairly Miss Nickers, were ricocheting through Miss Nickers’ ears. Miss Nickers felt so humble, so insignificant in the presence of this throng of invisible thingamadoos blessing her soul with the highly amusing rendering, of what Miss Nickers called the ee Opera. 

Scene 7

Miss Nickers then suddenly felt a solid base being wheeled in under her feet. What bewildered her was that she wasn’t losing her balance! Miss Nickers then became aware of what felt like a foam rubber padding supporting her back, sides and chest. Almost as if she was an astronaut being braced for a launch into space. Miss Nickers’ whole body was covered with sensational rays! Immeasurable energy engulfed her! Yet, Miss Nickers still wasn’t able to identify any living objects. Miss Nickers tried to make contact with the source of these weird pulsations by clutching her fists. Yet nothing was forthcoming!!

Scene 8

Was Miss Nickers dreaming? For this magnificent feeling could never be for real! The only evidence Miss Nickers had of these aliens, invisible, untouchable, and living creatures, were the nonstop stimulating ee ee ee ee ee ee refrains. It felt like a sea of voices. Miss Nickers desperately wanted to see who or what were making these delightful ee ee ee ee ee ee sonatas!

Scene 9

It was then that Miss Nickers felt her body ascending. The next moment Miss Nickers sensationally experienced being launched skyward at a mind-boggling speed! No sound of engines or any mechanical or electronic devices. Yet Miss Nickers was propelled into what felt like the vastest orbit. Why was she not petrified? Totally oblivious of her destination, Miss Nickers for some strange reason was not alarmed about it. One thing she, Miss Nickers knew! Whoever these crazy creatures are, they were being very compassionate to her. Miss Nickers again felt this mass of energy engulfing her. It felt as if there were billions of these crazy creatures chaperoning her to heaven knows where!

Scene 10

Then Miss Nickers suddenly came to a noiseless, smooth landing. The crazy creatures seemed to have suddenly vanished. What previously was a gigantic choir of innumerable, invisible, living creatures, then seemed to have just vanished into thin air! The spongy-like walling which had kept Miss Nickers’ body intact, had suddenly disintegrated. Gone was the platform under her feet! Miss Nickers was then standing in luscious vegetation with a weird looking building in front of her. I don’t believe it Miss Nickers exclaimed. I’m standing at the exact spot at the entrance to the back door of the strange house, before I disappeared into the heart of Mother Earth. For some reason Miss Nickers knew that her mission was complete. Miss Nickers instinctively knew that she had been barred for life from entering the house which everybody in the village thought was haunted.

Scene 11

Miss Nickers started walking home hastily. She couldn’t wait … to get to St. Pluto … on Monday to tell the learners what she had experienced. Or would that be the right thing to do? What guarantee did she have that those learners who then decided to visit the crazy cottage, lives wouldn’t be endangered? Yet Miss Nickers knew that even if she withheld her blissful experience from those to whom she often referred to as her children, would more than likely continue devising time and strategy to go and explore the crazy cottage, themselves! So, poor old Miss Nickers was in twists and turns. Should she or shouldn’t she? That’s the question. As Miss Nickers approached the school grounds; on which her humble residence was also situated; she would you believe it, heard a singular ee peep. It felt as if it was coming from her beautiful long grey hair locks. Miss Nickers immediately started dissecting virtually every single hair, to once again see if she could see or feel who or what was making this joyful noise? But to no avail. When Miss Nickers finally flung herself down on her beautiful floral couch, she fell into a deep, most tranquil sleep.

Scene 12

One thing was for sure, and that is that Miss Nickers never harboured any grudges against the villains she had now been directed to love. Yet their names virtually echoed through the staff room during every break. As much as Miss Nickers had commanded her co-pedagogues to refrain from discussing learners’ behavioural patterns in the staff room, there would always be those teachers who utilized school breaks to vent their anger, disgust and frustration about certain learners!

Derogatory comments like: Did you see Lance Spaiker’s new spiky hairstyle? Mary Stopforth would have to see a dermatologist, because she most certainly has advanced acne. One can’t bear to look at her face any longer! Found a packet of Fags Light in Jerry Rosen’s pocket. Elon Poole must have serious problems at home. His eyes are forever bloodshot. I believe his dad is a heavy drinker! Can someone please persuade Simona Bothner’s parents to send her for a pregnancy test. Have you noticed how huge her breasts and tummy have become? Striker-Paul Platt scored 5% for science in the first term exam! At least he did a bit better in Maths, he got 25%! Have you noticed how dirty Bonge Morewa’s nails are, doesn’t she ever wash? Victor Strass should not be allowed to attend St. Pluto. He is 21 years of age with a beard as tough as a grate. We need an urgent policy on hair braids! Some of the hip-hop girls look like Hop Barley’s Rastahairians! Estelle Biden nicknamed Pie Pad, needs to urgently consult a urologist because she has a serious bladder problem. She’s now wetting her skirt during class!   

Scene 13

These were just some of the scathing comments Miss Nickers had been exposed to in the St. Pluto staff room during breaks. Miss Nickers' dilemma was that these brutal remarks were not made in the staff room at large, or by all the teachers! But in Chi-Chi-chi-one-on-one chatting. Miss Nickers collected her thoughts as to who the teachers were who forever were passing those negative comments on learners. The following names came to mind! Flapkin, Msimang, Rod, Khumalo,

Penny, Zwai, Einswine, Carolus, Francis, Sitole and Newton. 

Scene 14

Miss Nickers’ time to rise for school was 06h00. At 05:45 she received the most treasured wake-up call. ee! ee! ee! ee! ee! Was old Nickers really busy going cuckoo? It was only two days ago that the Physical Science teacher, Mr. Japron Flapkin, passed the nasty comment in the staff room that Miss Nickers was  getting  too  old  to  be the head mistress of such a famous school as St. Pluto. As this thought was going through her mind, the crazy creature whoever he, she or it was, started generating, what she then started calling the ee- language, at a very high pitch. Ee ee ee ee ee ee ee!!!!! This time the invisible silly willy was performing the ee show on top of her left knee. Miss Nickers gently and very slowly stroked he/she/it who/which had nestled on her knee. Miss Nickers was so anxious to see what her eefriend look like! No luck. Miss Nickers couldn’t feel or see anything. Yet the ee ee ee ee ee eing continued to the eelevel of becoming an anxious sound! The crazy creature was trying to tell her or warn her against something. Maybe she, Miss Nickers, should give this miniscule creature a proper name, or were there perhaps more than one! There it was again! A slight sensual sting, but this time it was on her left cheek! What is thingamajick trying to tell her? And if he/she/it was, how on earth was she going to understand the communication! Three staccato ee ee ee notes announced that he, she or it, her invisible companion, wanted to talk. Please announce yourself. It is so unfair that you are allowed to talk to me in your alien language. I am not able to respond, since I don’t understand what you are saying, Miss Nickers woefully expressed! Why was the weirdly-willy sending Miss Nickers signals from a spot so close to her mouth! Then! Like a light of thunder, Miss Nickers knew! Tiny Toddy; remember, Miss Nickers was still looking for a name; was expressing deep, invisible, inexplicable love for her. It felt as if the little one had made connection with Miss Nickers’ brain waves to convert the ee ee impulses into an intelligible language. Miss Nickers then started to understand that her brain through a flashing thunder experience, deciphered the encrypted ee ee ee coding!

Scene 15

Miss Nickers there and then decided that one, she was going to flood the baddies with love, and two, she was