Lavender Blue

By Michelle Crystal

"We're Murdocks-we can do hard things."

Rachel Tate enjoys an idyllic life-an attentive, handsome husband, three healthy, beautiful sons, a comfortable lifestyle-but when disaster strikes, she stands to lose it all. Rachel, a former lawyer turned stay-at-home-mom, struggles to make sense of her new life, find a path to happiness, and gain

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michelle Crystal
• Release date: May 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088124963

Book preview

1

CHAPTER 1

LAVENDER

BLUE

M I C H E L L EC R Y S T A L

© 2017 Michelle Crystal. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

For Scott, who will forever be my always.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

So many hands touch a manuscript before it becomes a published novel. I have been surrounded by talented, kind, and generous people, who have added so much to Lavender Blue. First, I’d like to thank my husband, Scott, for his unfailing love and support. He gave me the courage to keep writing, believed in me when I lost faith in myself, and has always been my biggest fan.

My children—Kaleigh, Whitney, Lainey, and Caden, have also been amazing through this decade-long process. They were my beta readers and little editors along the way. My parents are the absolute best there is and have always told me I could do anything. After hearing it so often, I started to believe it myself.

A huge thank you to my literary agent, Lisa Gallagher, of DeFiore & Company. I would have given up writing years ago, if it wasn’t for her enthusiastic love of my work. She has instilled in me confidence and courage and I will be forever indebted to her.

Margo Catts, my original critique partner, and published novelist herself, has been a great sounding board, mentor, and friend. I will be forever grateful for her editing genius and uncensored critiques.

Stephanie Kelley and Ida Olson, fellow writers and great friends, have been with me through all of this as well. We’ve attended several

conferences together and have even taught classes at conference. Their input and knowledge of the craft have been instrumental to my success.

The Fika coffee house girls, my critique group; Jenny Martin, Kathie Scrimgeour, and Lauren Barrow, are simply the best! When I told them about my deadline they didn’t complain at all about editing and critiquing four chapters every week. There were times I was the only one with material to work through and I felt very selfish, but they plowed through while being extremely thorough. Thank you, girls!

Marilee Herman, my oldest friend and line editor, was amazing. Her job was probably the toughest and she did it in record time. She has been an awesome support—from being the first set of eyes on my earliest drafts, to polishing my final manuscript. Her believing my work was a diamond-in-the rough gave me hope. Tiffany Harston, my other best friend, has laughed, screamed in excitement, and cried with me through every milestone and disappointment along the way. I know she is as happy as I am to have my writing finally in print!

Beta readers include: Maren Mclaughlin, Kelly Bishop, Kathy Bishop, Kippy Nelson, Danielle Fillis, Kendra Schmidt, Karen Forbes, Suzanne Schlut, Julie Schwartz, Elisa Beardall, and those listed above. Thanks to all of you.

LAVENDER BLUE

Pink bacon sizzled and sputtered in a steel pan, curling at the edges. Pride swept through Rachel at the thought of their hearty breakfast: bacon, toast, eggs and smoothies. Weekends were meant for big breakfasts and family time. Turning the bacon over with tongs she inhaled the salty aroma. Moments like this made her life feel idealistic—happy, healthy kids, a loving, hardworking husband, a beautiful home. Her own theme song should be playing in the background while she whisked and blended with a starched white apron fashioned over her evening dress. When Hayden came down for breakfast, she’d lift one high heel and allow him to kiss her on the cheek.

Hey! Randy cried.

The fifties theme song blaring in Rachel’s head screeched to a halt. Reluctantly, she turned around to see what had disrupted the peace even though she knew exactly what the problem was. A deep frown and mad, squinty eyes had already turned Jake’s beautiful, eight-year-old face into a sullen scowl. It was only 7:30 A.M. and Angry-Jake was already on the move. Walking over to the table, Rachel knelt down at Randy’s side, placing her hand on his skinny arm. He looked up at her with large, chocolate eyes that seemed decades older than five. What’s the problem Bud?

He glanced over at his big brother for a split second, then back at the table. Nothing. I’m okay.

The fact that Randy, at age five, was already covering-up for Jake’s bad behavior, made her stomach feel full and uneasy. She always tip-toed around Jake’s moods like maneuvering through a mine field, speaking softly, not wanting to make a bad situation turn into a fatal one. But what long-term effect was that going to have on Randy? Already having? Hayden’s insistent voice resounded in her head—We can’t coddle this out of Jake. It isn’t fair to the other two boys." Her husband insisted that with time and discipline, Jake would grow out of his selfish faze. Rachel wasn’t sure. Maybe his bad attitude was perfectly normal for an eight-year-old boy. But this behavior was not new. Jake had always been hard, even when he was just a baby.

Her gaze and hands drifted to Randy. His hair felt like thick, silky thread as Rachel kneaded her fingers through it. She touched Randy’s soft cheek and peered over at his brooding, big brother. Is there a problem, Jake?

Jake lowered his gaze, but said nothing.

The baby shrieked—an ear-piercing sound that made them all turn. "It’s okay, love. Do you want some cereal? Ollie smiled at the attention.

He didn’t understand her words yet, but he loved to be acknowledged. Jake, get Ollie some Cheerios. Dad will be down in a minute.

Jake grumbled something but got up and shook the yellow box onto Oliver’s tray. All she heard after that was Ollie slapping his pudgy palm on the plastic tray and the incessant rattle of Cheerios dancing across it. Back at the stove, Rachel carefully raised Jake’s poached eggs with a slotted spoon from their hot bath and slid them onto his plate. He had to have poached eggs. Even though they were time consuming and somewhat a pain, Rachel did it—to keep the peace. Come and get em’ Jake.

A loud screeching cut the air as Jake forced back his chair. The third nervous knot of Rachel’s day began to form in her gut. He grumbled as he ambled over.

Poached. Just like you like them.

He barely nodded, grabbed his plate and trudged back to his seat. Steam rose from the bacon. The briny aroma of pork had intensified

and enlivened her senses. She inhaled deeply, but another smell caught her attention. Something different. Something even better.

Strong arms wrapped around her waist as Hayden nestled into her neck with his smooth cheek. Morning, he said.

Mmm, someone smells good. She turned around in his arms so they faced each other.

Hayden leaned in and kissed her. He still used the same aftershave he did in college because he knew the effect it had on her.

Ooh. Gross, Jake called out. I want some bacon. My eggs are already gone.

Hayden eased away from her, frowning.

Dang it Jake. Rachel turned back to the bacon. It was nearly perfect. As she reached for the silver tongs, Hayden swung her back around then pulled her in tight, dipping her into a dramatic pose.

Hey, Bacon-boy, watch this! He planted another kiss, this time with more intensity than the first.

You’re crazy, she mumbled, with his mouth pressed firmly against her teeth.

Disgusting, Jake said.

Randy giggled in his bright, cheery way.

When Hayden raised her up and pulled back, a blob of pink lipstick smeared his chin. Chuckling, she nodded toward Jake. That boy may need therapy after your little display. And, you may want to wash your face. She pointed to his chin.

He leaned down to peer at his reflection in the toaster and then slowly stood. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Pink is my signature color.

Now both boys laughed from their seats at the table. And the baby babbled nonsense between bites of cereal.

Boys, don’t encourage Daddy.

Hayden turned to them. What do you think, guys? Does Dad look cool like this?

The coolest, Dad, Randy said through a mouthful of toast. Egg yolk smeared Jake’s chin. You look like a girl.

Trust me, my boy. Nothing, is more manly than a beautiful woman’s lipstick on your face.

Jake didn’t say anything. He just stared at his dad with a blank

expression. For some reason the look on his face, all pinched-up and confused, was hysterical. Hayden must have thought so too, because they both laughed.

Within seconds, Jake’s face bloomed a splotchy red. His whole body started to tremble.

Oh, no. Rachel’s stomach sank like a spoon dropped into water. Not again, Jake.

You’re laughing at me! Jake screamed.

Contention made Rachel’s nerves collide. And Jake made the calm between storms shorter and shorter these days. She rushed forward to dispel the situation, before it escalated, but Hayden made it to Jake first. Ollie banged his fists on the tray of his highchair, making Rachel jump. He’d only last a few more minutes in there before he started to fuss.

Squatting down to Jake’s level, Hayden spoke in a soft tone. Bud, we weren’t laughing at you, we were laughing with you.

I wasn’t laughing. Jake just stared down at his plate, stabbing his toast with a fork.

Rachel made it to the table in three quick strides. Placing her hand on his arm she said, Jake, we didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Your face was just so cute it made us laugh.

It wasn’t funny. He scraped his plate with his fork. The steel tines made a grating, tinny sound against the ceramic.

The sound made Rachel’s back teeth ache.

Then Jake smacked his fork on the empty plate like he was beating a drum.

Hayden stopped him by holding his hand. Please stop, Jake.

"If there was food on my plate I’d be eating." He muttered under his breath.

Right. The bacon. An acrid smell offended Rachel’s nose as she turned around. Oh no!

Running back to the stove, she stared at the blackened, shrunken strips clinging to the pan. How was this possible? She never made mistakes when cooking. The kitchen was her stage where every action was perfectly timed.

Great! Now no bacon! Jake cried.

Unable to react, Rachel just stared at the steaming pan, until a

deafening shriek assaulted her ears. Beep. Beep. Beep! The smoke alarm’s blast shook Rachel into motion. "Hayden!" Beep! Beep!

I’m on it, he said, rushing over to silence the alarm with a broom.

Beep. Beep.

Ollie wailed. Randy covered his ears. Rachel’s head felt like it would implode. Beep. Beep. Beep. Silence. Finally. Ollie’s sobs petered down to a pathetic whimper. Aw, buddy.

I’ve got him. Hayden swooped in to comfort him.

Moving the hot pan to the back burner to cool down, Rachel grabbed a new pan from the rack above her head, and reached into the fridge for the open pack of bacon. It’ll only take a few minutes to make more.

An exaggerated groan spewed from Jake.

It’s okay, Mom. I don’t feel like bacon today, Randy said.

Shutting the fridge, Rachel glanced at her middle son. He still had a smile on his face. That little man loved bacon, the sweet, tender heart.

Jake just brooded in sullen silence.

Why couldn’t she erase the moment? Swipe the anger from Jake’s eyes and put a smile on his face. Some kind of special treat would make him happy, but Hayden shook his head at her before she could even attempt the move. He knew her so well.

He gently squeezed Jake’s clenched hand. "Your mom didn’t mean to burn the bacon. She’s probably just as upset about it as you are. Mom does a ton of nice things for you, and I want you to apologize to her right now." Silence was Jake’s only response; it quickly overwhelmed the room.

Rachel struggled with the need to be the smoother, the fondant applied to cake to diminish any lines. That’s not— But when she caught Hayden’s gaze she abruptly stopped. His eyes said; don’t cave now. He was right. Hayden could always look at a situation as a whole, then analyze the parts to figure out a natural solution. It was one of the things that drew her to him all those years ago. Caving-in now would only make things worse with Jake, like giving a toddler what they wanted after they threw a tantrum. He had to learn. They had to teach him.

After several moments of awkward silence, Jake finally looked up at her. His eyes were wet. I’m sorry. His voice was sincere.

Jake really was a good kid. He would be okay. I know, Bud. Turning her attention back to the bacon she rotated the slices that danced in the

pan. Hayden snatched Jake from his seat at the table, grunting as he spun him around in the air. Rachel turned her head to watch. Jake’s skinny legs flailed in the air, his pale hair waving behind him. In that instant, Jake looked so much like her late brother, Allen. It made Rachel’s chest ache, as if she’d been held under water for too long. Squeezing her eyes shut to dissolve the negative thought she returned her attention to the meat sizzling before her. It was nearly impossible for her to be active and happy in the moment, without worrying about what tragedy the next one may hold. There once was a time she embraced each day, found the fun in every moment. After Allen passed away, fear trickled into her blissful life, spotting every moment like ink blots on a white page.

When Allen died, Jake was just a baby. He’d never known his mom as the tough, logic-driven attorney, or the fun, lighthearted young woman she once was. She hardly remembered herself. It was hard to believe there was ever a time worry didn’t overshadow her happiness; where the thick rime of fear didn’t coat every moment, turning bright days to a dull, lifeless gray. Hayden did his best to hold her hand and prevent her from slamming the panic button. Sometimes he succeeded. Taking in a deep breath she let it out slowly. Jake will be fine. Relax.

Hayden lowered Jake to the ground. You’re almost too big for me to spin, Jake the snake.

I am almost nine, ya know. Jake finally smiled, his front teeth still too large for his face.

Hayden winked at Rachel. "Is that right? Nine? Are you sure? Yeah. I’m positive.

He ruffled Jake’s hair. I know, Bud. Don’t forget to practice the piano this morning. Your lesson’s at three. We won’t be home in time to practice after the big hike!

Jake rolled his eyes, Hayden didn’t see it.

Rachel held in a chuckle as she turned back to the bacon. Just because Hayden wanted to learn the piano, didn’t mean the boys would appreciate the opportunity. Oliver cried out from his highchair startling her thoughts. She swiveled around to look. He struggled against the nylon straps that held him in. They looked like snug, navy blue suspenders digging into his mint green pajamas. Just a sec, Ollie. She slid the fresh bacon onto a plate.

Before Jake plopped down in his seat, Randy began pulling on Hayden’s legs, begging for his turn. At age five, Randy was a miniature Hayden; dark wavy hair and sparkly brown eyes that danced with excitement. Ollie’s high-pitched screech ripped through the room. Rachel cringed. I know, baby. I’m coming. Grabbing a binky from the counter she called out, Hayde, think fast. And tossed the pacifier to him. He caught it without any trouble. It may buy us three or four minutes.

Hayden hobbled over to the highchair with Randy attached to one leg. Here’s your plug, little man. He swung Randy up from his leg and into the air in seconds. Because of his small size he seemed to fly to the ceiling, pausing in mid-air before he came back down.

Rachel’s breath caught in her throat every time Hayden threw him, no matter how often he did it. The fear of Randy slipping through his father’s fingers never left her. She stared her husband down.

His solemn face peered back at her. You know I’d never drop him. Hayden would never put the boys in danger on purpose, but accidents happen. Allen. Her heart beats tripled. She rushed over to them and reached for Randy. Give him to me before you make him puke up his breakfast. She sat Randy safely back in his seat. "Finish up, Rand-man.

Phineas and Ferb is on in five minutes."

Randy peered up at her, his innocent face held no malice. Are all Daddies more fun than Mommies?

His wise, old eyes, entranced Rachel and left her unable to answer him. She felt smaller, weaker by his simple words. How come a little motherly fear erased all her other efforts? Why did she always have to be the bad cop? Hayden may be fun and stress-free, but she was the one they came to when they were hurt or scared or hungry. Fun-times-Dad didn’t know their favorite foods or the names of each of their teachers from preschool on up. He didn’t know which popsicles to buy when they had a sore throat. Anxiety may squeeze her stomach and taint some moments, but it also made her a competent and attentive mother.

A loud clattering made Rachel turn. Ollie’s sippy-cup rolled across the tile, settling in the corner. Two seconds, little man.

Hayden’s voice turned serious as he walked over to Randy. He placed his hand on his shoulder. That’s not true, Rand-Man. I married your mom because I had more fun with her than anyone else in the whole world.

Comforting heat slowly spread across Rachel’s chest, as if she had swallowed warm cider. It was nice to know her husband still thought she was fun, even if the boys didn’t.

Randy peered over at his mom for a second, searching for truth in his father’s words it seemed, then looked over at his big brother, Jake. They exchanged glances that said: I don’t buy it. "Really?" Randy said, with his little head cocked skeptically to the side.

Hayden smiled and winked at her. Really! You’ll see how much fun your mom can be today on our hike. His eyes didn’t leave Rachel’s. The gauntlet was thrown.

A high-pitched squeal stabbed her ears.

Hayden darted over to Ollie. "Did you think Daddy forgot his smallest man? Did you? Did you?" Leaning closer, he blew on Ollie’s chubby neck, the sound vibrated bubbly and wet. Oliver threw his hands in the air and opened his mouth wide, exposing his three teeth. A gurgled laugh erupted from his tiny mouth. Ollie slammed bits of mashed up egg into his dad’s mouth. Hayden stood and turned to her. His mouth was still open. A pale yellow blob quivered on his tongue.

Poor Hayden looked like he was about to cry. Rachel laughed again. Here. Take this. She handed him a napkin.

He spit the egg out. Gross. Then swigged juice from Randy’s cup and swallowed hard, shuddering from the taste. Turning his attention to Rachel he said, Are you feeling left out, too? He pulled her in tight.

His woodsy, slightly citrus scent drew her in. Yes. Could you throw me up in the air and blow on my neck?

Pulling back, Hayden grinned, arching one eyebrow higher than the other, his signature look that always made her laugh. Tonight. I promise.

A tingling sensation tickled just below her stomach. Don’t forget we’re going to see Gram after dinner.

Hayden’s eyes widened for just a second, but she saw it. Right. Of course I remember.

Sure ya did.

"I remember now." Leaning closer, he ran his fingertips along her arm.

Goose bumps erupted along the path he created.

She never could stay mad at him for long, even though his memory often lagged at inconvenient times. From what she gathered from her

friends this forgetful gene was dominant in the male species, like brown eyes and height. She’s expecting us at six. We’ll have to get home from the hike at a decent hour to be back in time for Jake’s lesson and so I can make the ricotta cookies.

How does Gram feel about the move? Hayden reached for a piece of bacon and popped it in his mouth.

Rachel’s shoulders felt heavy. Mom and dad haven’t told her yet. Maybe we could pave the way a little, mention the idea, tonight. I don’t know how she’ll react to selling the house. She grew up in that house. So did my mom.

Kissing her softly, Hayden squeezed her hand. It’ll work out. Gram is a very reasonable lady. I’m gonna run up and change. Then we can go. He could always calm her racing heart with a simple touch or a few well-chosen words. Gram always said that faith and fear could not exist in the same space, that they repelled each other like magnets facing the wrong way. But how could she just push fear aside after what happened to Allen? Fear, to Rachel, was like the ten extra pregnancy pounds she carried after

Ollie, annoying and burdensome, but impossible to lose. Stop it, Jake! Randy whined.

Stop it, Jake, Jake mimicked back.

Rachel clapped her hands. All right. Head on up and brush teeth.

***

Ollie rode in a pack on Hayden’s back, facing forward. Rachel tickled his back as she trudged up from behind, popping around to make funny faces at him from time to time. The baby moved his lips, attempting to mimic her expressions. When they reached the fork in the path, Hayden rubbed his hands together. Okay, boys. It’s decision time. Which way do we go?

Jake and Randy spoke at the same time, each pointing a different direction.

Rachel laughed. Typical.

Jake shook his head at his little brother, his eyes squinty with annoyance.

Come on Jake. Don’t ruin the day.

Face reddening, Jake leaned closer to Randy, hovering over him. We went right last time. Remember?

Jake, Hayden said in warning.

He slowly drew back, but Jake’s face remained hardened with determination.

Randy waved his arms emphatically. "Don’t you remember the lake with the fishes and the turtles?"

"Yeah, but the waterfall is that way. We’ve already seen the turtles. My friend, Josh said the waterfall is huge!"

Ollie’s cry startled them all.

Rachel rubbed the baby’s head but looked directly at the older boys. You have about three seconds to figure it out before Ollie melts down. We have to keep moving.

Left! Jake said, stomping a few paces in that direction.

Actually, Randy is king for the day. It’s his decision. Hayden said, stepping forward.

Jake kicked a rock at his feet, sending up a cloud of dust. Hayden’s shoulders squared as he stared back at him. Jake looked away. Rachel’s stomach flipped and rolled like a fish forced out of water.

With an easy smile, Hayden turned to Randy. What’ll it be, Rand-Man?

The pint-sized man stared up at his father, his chocolate eyes pleading. Can we do both?

Rachel didn’t realize she had been holding her breath, until she exhaled to answer him. No Rand, we can’t. Ollie’s only good for so long.

The baby tugged on a lock of Hayden’s hair at the sound of his name. Ouch! Hayden reached up for Ollie’s hand, separated the baby’s clamp- like fingers from a knot of his hair, then he looked down at Randy. The choice is yours.

Randy took a few steps to the right and peered down the path. Then he did the same thing on the other side. Rachel and Hayden exchanged glances and smiled. Finally, Randy squared his small shoulders and marched down the left side toward the falls. Jake ran after him cheering.

When the boys were out of earshot she nudged Hayden. "I hope he

actually wanted to see the waterfall and isn’t just doing this for Jake. Me too."

Jake and Randy were only a few yards ahead of them, laughing as they ran toward their goal. Rachel strained to see beyond them. Don’t hover.

They’re fine. Her thoughts turned to Jake’s outburst earlier. Randy always gave in to him. But when it was Jake’s turn to be king for the day, he didn’t care what Randy wanted. What started out as a fun tradition each boy enjoyed a few times a year, now totally stressed her out. It seemed like no matter whose turn it was, Jake was king, and not just for the day. What if he never changed his attitude? He might end up a selfish jerk, totally alone. No wife. No family. Her heart ping-ponged against her ribs.

I know that look, Hayden said, taking her hand. What’s wrong? It’s Jake. What if he never changes?

We’ll stay consistent. We won’t give in to his demands, and he’ll learn. I promise.

Her husband’s confidence always put her at ease. She wasn’t entirely convinced that Jake would be fine, but Hayden’s comforting words, and the knowledge that she wasn’t alone, helped ease the worry. When did you get so smart?

Years of practice. I have other skills too, ya know. I could show you later. Again with the one arched eyebrow.

"Maybe, if you’re lucky." That was their code.

Hayden stood a little straighter and puffed-out his chest as he strode forward. Did you hear that, Ollie. If I’m lucky!

She chortled and smacked his butt. Burned bacon wasn’t about to ruin their day.

After a few more minutes of hiking, a violent rushing announced the waterfall before they could even see it. Rachel gasped as they crested the hill and looked down. The waterfall crashed and roared down the next hillside, foaming like a rabid beast as it struck the black rocks at the bottom. The powerful mist made the area around the falls burst with vibrant red flowers and rich green foliage. It appeared they’d been dropped into primitive times, the first humans to enter this beautiful and frightening world. Liquid fear swirled in Rachel’s gut. She tried to push the feeling aside. Just enjoy it.

Wow! Randy yelled.

Way cooler than turtles! Jake shouted to be heard over the rushing of the falls. Can we go down there?

Randy smiled and nodded his assent.

Conflicted by halting fear and the need to feel like the fun parent for

once, Rachel stalled for time. She had promised herself that today would be an exception to her rule. That she would push the ubiquitous fear aside and enjoy the day. But that was easy to say before she faced the massive waterfall—it had to be fifty feet high—looming before her like a liquid death trap, just waiting to lure her boys in and swallow them whole. Shaking her head. No. It looks way too dangerous.

Snapping a twig in his hands, Jake threw it to the ground in frustration, muttering under his breath. Randy’s sweet face fell, the excited light in his eyes vanished. I’ve even disappointed Randy. Then his soft voice from the morning filled her head: Are all daddies more fun than mommies? They will be fine. I guess you can go down, but don’t get too close to the water.

Jake darted off without a second glance. Randy paused and stared at his mom for a second, as if he couldn’t believe his ears, then spun around and ran after his brother before she could change her mind. For a moment, her decision felt like a victorious step toward freedom from fear, but then her already knotted stomach pulled tighter.

Hayden unbuckled the straps around his waist and slid Oliver out of the backpack. The baby smiled and kicked his legs at his newfound freedom. Hayden tickled his tummy. Oliver giggled, but then rubbed his eyes with a plump fist. Rummaging in his pocket, Hayden brandished a pacifier and popped it in the baby’s mouth. Ollie nestled into his father’s chest, pulling softly on his shirt buttons.

He’s tired already. Rachel caressed Oliver’s fine baby hair. We shouldn’t stay long. In and out. They would look at the waterfall for ten minutes and then be safely on their way home. She pressed forward with a renewed spirit. The boys were nearly to the shore. Rachel trotted ahead. Fun Mom had lasted long enough. The path ran steeper than she realized, the back of her calves ached from the rapid decline. Her feet slipped out from underneath her and she hit the ground hard, butt first. Her knee twisted as she went down, racking her body with pain. She cried out, covering her knee with her hands.

Hayden rushed down the hill and knelt down beside her, Ollie squirmed in his arms. What happened, babe? Where does it hurt? He tried to remove her hands.

Rachel gripped her knee tighter. "Don’t. I don’t want to see it. I think

I tripped on my shoelace." Pulsing pain throbbed from under her clasped hands.

Okay. I won’t touch it. He reached down and gently pulled the laces on Rachel’s tennis shoe, tying it tight. He re-tied the other shoe as well, just to be sure.

Her thoughts turned to the boys. They must be at the falls now. She let go of her leg and forced her gaze down. Her pants were ripped at the knee. Blood oozed out of the fresh wound. No permanent damage, most likely, but it really hurt. The pain sent nauseous waves to her stomach, but she stood to get her bearings and find the boys.

Slow down, Hayden said. They’re fine.

She peered down the hill to make sure. Randy cautiously walked the perimeter of the large river, using calculated steps to stay far from the edge. Jake had already fashioned a sword out of a long stick and sliced it through the air like Zorro. Randy maneuvered around Jake, going closer to the edge to avoid his brother. I see Randy’s being his careful self and Jake, well, you know, Jake. Cupping her hands around her mouth to amplify her voice she called, Be careful, boys! Her eyes snapped close from the burning pain in her knee as she wobbled toward them. She kept vigilant watch on her sons as she narrowed the space between them. In and out.

Jake lunged forward and thrust his sword, stabbing an imaginary foe. He jumped up and spun around, swinging his stick-sword to celebrate his win, knocking into Randy who stood just behind him. The moment seemed to happen in rigid, still shot photographs, instead of smooth, real time motion—a living flipbook where, as the pages turn, the horrific scene emerged through a jolting series of events.

Jake’s sword strikes Randy—flip. Randy stumbles backward—flip.

He teeters at the edge of the rushing water—flip.

Then he soundlessly crashes into the coursing river, flip. Flip. Flip.

Fear snatched Rachel’s breath and blocked out sound. Randy’s pale, skinny legs flashed above the surface for a second, then his tiny, red Converse sneakers sank into the watery depths.

Dear God! Before she could react, Hayden shoved Ollie into her arms and ran full-speed to the water’s edge. Recovering from the initial shock, Rachel darted to the shore. Ollie bounced erratically in her arms, his legs

whipped at her sides. Her heart hammered so hard, she hugged Ollie tight to keep it inside her chest. The baby giggled as she ran. He must have thought it was a game. She stared at the river as she ran, unable to blink. The water crashed the rocks at the base of the falls. It seemed pretty shallow there. But as it widened it was deep—too deep—and moving way too fast.

Hayden dove in without hesitation. He fought against the current’s force to get a hold of Randy, but the water sucked both of them under.

Randy! Rachel screamed. His name became an eerie echo in the silent sky.

The few seconds they were under the water seemed like forever. Finally, Randy’s little head popped up, just above the water, several yards from where they went down. He was bawling and gasping for air—flailing his short arms.

Thank God. It’s all right! she screamed, attempting to convince herself and her little boy. It’s all right, baby. We’re gonna get you out. Where was Hayden? She had to do something. Running as fast as she could with the baby bouncing recklessly in her arms, she made it to the falls edge. Jake stood absolutely still on the shore, staring into the water, his face pale, arms hanging helplessly at his sides. Rachel shook him hard with her free hand. Ollie screeched in her ear. The game was over. Jake! I need your help!

Looking as if he’d just woken up from a dream, he blinked several times—his eyes were misty and his pale lips trembled. I—

She thrust Ollie at his chest. "Here, take Ollie. Don’t let him near that water! Understand?"

Jake’s eyes seemed far away. He barely held on to his baby brother. She squeezed both of his shoulders and shook him hard. Understand?

He nodded once and stepped back from the edge, clutching Oliver in both arms.

The baby fought against his brother and screamed. Water crashed down. But Rachel could barely hear anything over the pounding of her own heart. She plunged into the icy river, holding onto the slippery side with one hand. Mud oozed through her clutched fingers. The rushing water yanked her downstream. She fought against the current, desperately trying to get to Randy and searching for Hayden. The water came up to

her chest. Struggling to reach her son, Rachel willed her arms to lengthen, but Randy still floated a few yards out of reach. If her love for Randy alone could grow limbs, she would stretch across the world to save him. He reached out to her—his face desperate—eyes wide with horror.

Frustration flooded her veins with fire. Randy needed her—she was his mother and she couldn’t help him. It was her only job and she was failing. Fear like Rachel had never known before exploded in her breast. God help me. Darting her gaze from shore to shore, she searched for Hayden. She hadn’t seen him since he and Randy went under. How long ago was it? One minute? Ten? Flicking her attention back to Randy, he didn’t appear to be holding onto anything, yet he anchored in the same place, head just above the water. What was keeping him there? A branch? A boulder?

Mommy! Help, Randy cried.

His pleading words slammed into her chest. He looked terrified. Where’s Daddy?

He shook his head wildly. I don’t know!

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay, Rachel chanted, as if the more she said it, the truer it became. Shifting her hold to a small, thin sapling, she leaned out as far as she could reach, the tree bent with her. It wouldn’t hold for long. Water pelted her face and rushed against