The American Dream

By Lois Slater

Anna Tate and Roy Miller's lives circled around each other since childhood. Family secrets, bold-faced lies, alcohol, drugs, a relentless nemesis, and a place called Vietnam twist their destiny, turn lives upside down, encompassing the livelihood of a lifelong agonizing decision. Stay? Go?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gotham Books
• Release date: Apr 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887751511

Book preview

Prologue

World War Two was finally over.

It was a joyous time

where

mother’s, children, and father’s

gathered along the wooden platforms in every city in the

United States of America

By the hundreds they stood in silent anticipation

for their loved ones to step off of that

Iron Prison

back

into a world of

Freedom

Back

into their loving

Arms

Chapter 1

The Deadline

Lila Tate was no different than any other woman in the world. She waited in patient anticipation, standing by the train tracks. Her prayers had finally been answered. Frank Tate had survived the nasty war against the Nazi Regime and now he would finally be home. She could set her fears of being a single mother aside once and for all. It was surely going to be a glorious day.

She had been standing in line with elated anticipation for nearly three hours waiting for her husband to step off one of the iron cars. She had on her best yellow dress and her long brown hair was pulled up in a fancy French roll for just this occasion. Her makeup was flawless, and it matched her wide smile. She was so excited. At long last, they could be a real family again. Two years had felt like an eternity and now it was finally over.

When the last passenger exited the metal car Lila’s heart dropped like a lead ball in her chest. Surely, she had read the letter correctly. Anxiously, she pulled the tattered envelope from her purse. With shaky fingers, she opened it and looked for her instructions. She let out a deep sigh of relief when she found the sentence that said he would be on the six o’clock train on Thursday. This was Thursday, and it was long past six o’clock. Something must have happened.

Sir, she said in a panicked tone to the conductor, are you sure that everyone got off?

No one left on this train, ma’am, the conductor said in a tired tone.

No one? she questioned through tear-filled eyes. I was expecting…

No one, he answered as he stared into her disbelieving face. I’ve checked every berth in every car. It’s empty, ma’am.

Holding back the inevitable tears she pulled her coat around her thin body. Tha…thank you, she could barely get the words out as she took her young daughter’s hand in hers and started walking back down the main street toward their small house on the opposite end of town. Come Anna, he must have missed the train.

Are you sure, momma? Anna questioned in a small voice.

Lovingly, Lila bent down and pulled her young daughter’s coat snuggly around her. I must have read the letter wrong. I’m sure he’s fine, maybe tomorrow night. Gently, she took her daughter’s hand in hers and continued walking. Nonchalantly, she passed several people that she knew as she nodded her head in a casual hello. Had she missed something? Why were they whispering like they had some big secret that they couldn’t share with anyone?

Lila, Midge said in a delighted voice as she held securely to her husband’s arm. Isn’t it wonderful to have them home? Why you must be delighted!

He didn’t make it, she said in a forlorn voice. He must have missed the train.

What do you mean? Midge’s husband said in an immediate rebuttal. I was on the train with him. He came in at the same time I did.

Lila’s heart began to pound wildly in her chest. And what time would that have been, Albert?

At three o’clock. But, from the look on her face, he wished he hadn’t said anything. There were too many of us for the six, so they threw some of us on extra then went back for one last load. There was no missing the disappointment on the young woman’s face. I’m sorry, Lila. I’m sure he’s called by now.

I’m sure he did, she lied. But after all, I’ve been up here waiting, she stated in an embarrassed tone. We must have missed each other. He’s probably waiting for me at home.

Gently, Midge tugged at Albert’s sleeve. We need to go. It was nice to see you, Lila, she said through misty eyes.

Lila could only imagine what they were whispering back and forth to each other as the couple hurried down the street. As she took a deep breath, she felt like a fool. She knew exactly where her husband was and what had detained him. Why would he have pulled such a dirty stunt! Silently, she stood and debated whether to go to the familiar pub and confront him or pretend like nothing had happened and walk home. Or save herself from humiliation. Leave the miserable jerk where he was and take her little girl home. After all the shadows were starting to lengthen. The twosome walked in silence for several blocks.

Momma, is papa home? Did we miss him, momma? Anna asked innocently.

Oh yes, she said in a soft tone. Your father is home. It seems I must have gotten the time and place wrong, kitten. I think we will walk over there. Her voice was kind and affectionate. But, the closer Lila got to the pub the harder her heart pounded in her chest and the less affectionate she felt. To think that dirty lying low down scum of the earth had the nerve to stand up his wife and daughter after being gone for two long years was more than she could comprehend. She’d told him time and time again they would meet him at the train depot. What in the world was he thinking?

As they strolled along Lila couldn’t help but wonder if her mother had been right when she said that Frank was no good. That she would never have the life that she deserved if she married into his family. So far, her mother’s words had rung true on almost every occasion. Now, Anna, I want you to sit right here and hold my purse until I get back. When I get finished yelling—I mean telling your father how happy we are to see him, maybe we’ll get an ice cream before we walk home. Can you do that for me?

Yes, momma, she said softly as she dangled her small feet from the wooden bench outside the noisy pub.

Just as Lila reached for the handle the door automatically opened. The two women that exited the dark portal nearly knocked her over. Excuse me, Millie Mott said politely, but Sarah Stewart just stared at her like she was white trash.

Lila gave the woman a nasty look, Slumming Sarah? Lila never moved an inch. Terrified, the woman slowly edged around her. Lila continued on her quest. When she walked into the small pub you could have heard a pin drop. The few men that had been seated next to Frank simply got up and moved to the other end of the bar. There was no mistaking the confused look on the lovely woman’s face. Like a quiet storm, she walked up and sat down beside him. There was no doubt in her mind that he was stone-cold drunk! Intentionally, she pulled one finger at a time out of her nice white gloves. When she finished, she laid them neatly on the bar. Hello, Frank, she said in a quiet, hurt tone.

It took the man several seconds to gain any kind of control over his inebriated senses as he stared her in the face. Lila? Is that you? What are you doing here?

Better yet, what are you doing here? she questioned with as much control as she could muster as she stood inches away from his inebriated face. I’ve been waiting at the train depot for the last three hours. But unfortunately, it seems I’ve been waiting at the wrong place.

You have? I told you I’d be home on the six o’clock train. Then, automatically, he stared at his watch. Then he looked back into her disappointed face. I messed up.

Lila couldn’t believe her ears. He’d ‘messed up’ was all he had to say after being gone for two years! He’d ‘messed up’ was all he could come up with for making them wait alone at the train depot for hours! He’d ‘messed up’ all the respect he had to give her for all of the nights that she’d spent alone just waiting for him. Praying that he wouldn’t get killed!

Heated tears started down her crimson face as a low-lying hatred started building in her chest. You ‘messed up? she said in a barely audible voice. After two years of waiting for you, that’s all you have to say to me? Well, I have a word or two for you ya lying drunkard! And with that being said she put her foot on the bottom rung of the bar stool that he was perched on like a strutting peacock and gave it a hard push. He landed with a loud thud on the dirty barroom floor. Stay there and rot you pitiful fool! she hissed. Then like an icy wind she turned and walked out of the dark pub. Purposely, she grabbed Anna by the hand and hurriedly started walking toward home dragging the young child behind her trying as hard as she could to hide the heated tears running down her reddened cheeks.

Are we going for ice cream? Anna asked in an innocent voice as she hurried to keep up with her mother’s long strides.

Not tonight, kitten, she said, something has come up.

But, you said…

I know what I said! Lila answered roughly. And now I say not tonight!

Anna didn’t remember hearing her father when he finally came home. It must have been late in the night because when the sun came up there he was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee, reading the newspaper. Papa! she squealed when she saw him. Papa, you’re home!

Kitten! he said with tears in his eyes. I missed you!

You too, papa, she giggled as she sat in his lap like a princess.

It was plain to see that Lila was still mad when she walked into the kitchen. You’ll have to find something to do now that there’s no money coming in, she said in a semi-indignant tone.

I realize that, Pet. But, don’t worry, I’ll find something. He assured her.

Something away from that stinking bar I hope. I’m not going through another night like last night, she announced hotly as she placed her cup of coffee on the table.

And I don’t expect you to, he answered through apologizing eyes.

Anna loved her father. He was a kind hard working man who seemed like a giant in her small eyes. He had dark black hair and soft green eyes, and his smile had a way of captivating you. To Anna, he was the most handsome man in the world. He never yelled or screamed, no he left that up to her mother. But, even at a young age, there was no missing that far-away look on his rugged face that would show up every once in a while as he’d casually glance into her mother’s accusing face.

The threesome sat silently at the breakfast table as her father looked through the help wanted ads. The men who never had to go to war took all the good jobs. Like the banks, store owners, real estate companies, and insurance people. Finding something that was going to bring in any amount of money was going to be hard. I heard they need help down at the train depot loading the coal cars. I’ll start there tomorrow, Frank said to no one in particular.

Tomorrow! Why not today? Lila demanded. We can’t wait until the time is right for you! People will not wait on you, Frank! There’s a lot of unemployed men in town now. There was no missing the desperation in her voice.

Tomorrow will be soon enough Lila; I have a little money saved to get us by. Besides, I’m tired and it’s been a long trip home. So let me have a moment with my family, he said in a beat down tone.

Fine! Take all the moments that you need why the rest of us starve to death! In a frenzy, Lila left the table.

I doubt you will starve to death, Lila, he countered as he stared at his wife’s back. You look to be in pretty good condition to me.

Mommy’s mad, Anna said quietly.

I see that, kitten. But, tomorrow will be better, he tried to reassure her.

No papa, momma is always mad, she countered.

Really? How so? he questioned.

She yells at me a lot when you’re not here. I’m sorry papa that I’m worthless, she whispered.

Anna’s sentence took the kindly man completely off guard. Why would you say such a thing?

That’s what momma says, she said innocently.

When will she say that kitten? he couldn’t believe his ears.

Most every day, Papa. Well, at least until she takes her special candy. Then she’s better. Her small voice was so sincere.

Well, he said as he held her close, you don’t worry about it, after today there won’t be any reason for her to say such things and there won’t be any need for special candy. He gave her a big hug. Would you like to go to the park this afternoon?

Would I! she squealed.

It was wonderful having her father home. He was full of laughter and jokes. And every night he would tell her stories about where he had been and how much he had missed being home.

And much to everyone’s surprise seven months later Ernie and Andy were born. Her mother had been less than thrilled about it. Look what you did, you animal! I’m blown up like some disgusting balloon! You weren’t home one day and look what you did to my body! she screamed like a wild woman. And to make matters worse for some reason the special event had caused quite a bit of tension in their once peaceful home.

An early delivery, the doctor had said. It happens a lot with twins.

When Lila brought the two boys home Anna decided they weren’t much to look at. They had red, wrinkly skin and cried all the time. But when she held them, and they weren’t fussing she loved everything about them. And when Anna walked into the room, they knew her immediately. Even at a whisper, their little eyes would pop open. And, it was a good thing that she loved them because even at a young age they became her responsibility. Way too much responsibility for any young girl.

Chapter 2

Anna! her mother yelled as the young girl started walking out the door with a glass of milk and two pieces of toast in her small hand. Now, where do you think you’re going?

It’s Saturday, Mother, rag day. I have people waiting, she still wasn’t quite awake.

You be home no later than three o’clock today, missy. I’m going to need your help later, she said in a grumpy mood.

But, momma, Anna protested.

No, buts about it, young lady! Besides, I can only imagine what people must think, my daughter, mine, running up and down the streets pulling a wagon selling rags for crying out loud! It’s embarrassing, that’s what it is! Then just like that, she slammed the porch door.

Her mother’s attitude only made Anna want to get away from where she lived even more. Maybe, she said out loud, if you would get up early just once, and do what mothers do I wouldn’t have to sell rags! Anna hurried toward the small shed that sat in the backyard. She couldn’t wait to get going. Any place had to be better than here. There was always so much fighting. She couldn’t remember a day that went by when her mother and father didn’t yell terrible things at each other. Like last night their fighting woke her out of a sound sleep.

You’re such an ungrateful woman! Frank yelled.

Ungrateful? Lila yelled back. I’m ungrateful because I want a house over my head? Food for our children.

No, Lila, you don’t want a house over your head, you want a mansion. Nothing is ever good enough for you! You’re a selfish, self-centered, hateful woman, and if it wasn’t for Anna, I’d…! he stopped dead in his tracks.

Say it! she threatened. And you’ll never see her again!

Don’t even start that crap with me, Lila! I’m not the one that...! He didn’t finish his sentence and in a calmer tone, he continued. Don’t think for a moment you can use my daughter against me.

I’m sorry, Lila said as she started crying. What did you want me to do? What did you expect? I was alone all the time! No one to talk to! I don’t have any friends to confide in! One little thing! she sobbed.

I would hardly call it a little thing, Lila! he shouted back. His tone was full of anger. I can’t keep doing this, Lila. I can’t. Maybe we’d be better off if we separated for a while.

Wouldn’t that be an easy out for you? she seethed. Walk away, Frank! Just like you always do! Go drown yourself in a bottle of booze. That’s where you want to be anyway!

Like I said, I can’t do this, Lila! Bang went the front door.

Run you coward! she screamed. Run!

It had made a long night for the young girl holding both of the small babies close to her in her bed. How they slept through all the yelling was beyond her.

Chapter 3

Anna had long cinnamon-colored hair that she wore in a ponytail most of the time. She had large oval green eyes that hosted dark circles. Long summer days of playing outside with her two younger brothers had made her skin a soft brown. She had a slight-looking frame, and a kind determined disposition. But Anna wasn’t like any typical eight-year-old, no she had a mind of her own. A mind for money. She was extremely smart and knew that if she ever wanted to have anything of her own that she’d have to work for it. The words of her father always rolled around in her head when she’d start feeling sorry for herself. If you want something bad enough in life Anna, you need to work for it. That’s what God gave you those two hands for. A memory that would drive her ambition for life.

So, that’s exactly what she did. Work. Every weekend that she didn’t have to baby-sit or clean the house Anna went out and collected rags. Lots of rags. She had her regular route she took every Saturday. If the folks needed to get rid of their old clothes, they’d leave their sacks at the end of the sidewalk or driveway with a note attached with her name on it. After Anna lifted the heavy sacks into her worn wagon, she’d place a thank you in the mailbox.

One thing about a small town though is that word-of-mouth travels fast as her route becomes larger and larger. By the end of summer, she had several new customers. Her favorite was Mr. Bigg’s down at the gas station. Every weekend she had several bags for the man and every weekend he paid her in cash. He’d even raised her from ten cents a pound to twenty-five cents a pound.

Anna listened to the complaining rubber wheels as she walked down the graveled road. For some reason, her wagon seemed especially heavy today. Poor thing! It was amazing that the wheels on the old relic still turned after all the kids that had used it before it was handed down to her. And, let’s not forget all the trips it had taken to the grocery store when the car broke down or there was no money for gas. But, Anna greased the wheels faithfully with a can of oil spray that her father had given her. She’d always attributed that to the wagon’s good working condition. Not one time taking into account that her father fixed what was wearing out when she wasn’t looking.

So, she told herself one more house and she was done. She was hot, sweaty, and tired. Besides, she still needed to drop this pile of clothes off in the garage and deliver the cut-up rags to her buyers. Then Monday after school she’d take her money and deposit it in an account that she had opened on her own. Heaven knows it wasn’t safe at home!

Walking down the graveled road close to home she’d noticed someone had moved into the Old Elmer house. So, purposely, she stopped in front of the gate. She didn’t recognize the pickup, but she opened the wooden frame and walked to the front door, anyway.

Roy Miller

That was the first time that she remembered seeing Roy Miller. He couldn’t have been more than a few months older than she was. He had black curly hair and deep blue eyes with just a scattering of freckles across his nose. Anna wouldn’t have paid that much attention to him except for the fact that his mother had cuffed him good across the back of the head when he curiously asked who was at the door.

Not that Anna’s home life was much better, but to her, the action seemed uncalled for and it made her angry. She’d seen her mother do that to her two little brothers several times and she’d never forgotten the humiliated look on their little faces. It would be branded like a photo into her memory banks forever. A look she’d learned to recognize a mile away.

Hello, she said with a light air. I am Anna Tate.

I know who you are, the woman said gruffly.

I live just down the block, Anna said without the least bit of intimidation showing on her young face. I was wondering if you had any old clothes that you would like to get rid of.

Old clothes? the woman remarked. For what? She was a big woman, nearly three hundred pounds. Her hair was jet black and pulled up tightly in a greasy-looking bun. Her eyes were the oddest looking blue, almost startling. She had a big brown mole right in the middle of her forehead and one on the side of her neck. She wore black stretch pants tucked inside a pair of brown cowboy boots with a brown sweater that appeared to be at least two sizes too small. Her face was long and hollow looking. It told Anna she wasn’t a person to be messed with. Her voice was loud, but it didn’t sway the young girl.

I sell them. Her smile was unmistakable.

Do you see any sitting here? she snapped.

No, Ma’am, Anna’s eyes never strayed from hers. Purposely, she turned away.

The older woman’s voice was harsh as she spoke. If you come back next week, I will have several boxes. I’ll leave them on the porch.

Next week it is. There was no denying that Anna didn’t like the older woman, but she was still polite. As she left the doorstep, she couldn’t help but glance back at the tear-stained face of the young boy. She felt sorry for him. Not knowing whether to stand still or run. She knew how he felt. And there wasn’t anything on God’s green earth that could change that feeling.

After she made all of her deliveries and collected her money Anna, and the twins went out to the small garage to finish the day. She adored the two small boys and they in turn loved her. For the twins, cutting the rags in half and putting them in piles had become more like a game than work. And as each pile grew Anna would put them neatly into several bags. Anna paid them each a penny for every rag they did correctly.

Chapter 4

Deposit

Good afternoon, she said to the banker at the teller station. Her small head barely reached the top of the counter.

Anna, Mr. Bain smiled as he handed her a sucker. The teller knew the young girl by her first name she’d been in so many times.

Could I have two, please Mr. Bain, she asked politely. For the twins.

Of course, what was I thinking, he mused as he handed her two more suckers.

I only… she started to object.

You’ve walked a long way today little lady; I suppose the bank can afford three suckers. Now, I assume you have some business. The friendly teller had been so impressed with the young girl and yet, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. He knew that she would have gladly left the bank with only two suckers and nothing for herself. He doubted that his own daughter would have been that thoughtful of her younger brother.

Yes, sir, she grinned. I would like to deposit this into my savings, please. Carefully, she counted out fifteen dollars and seventy-five cents.

Just about the time the teller was finished stamping her savings account book one of the pretty tellers quickly walked past her with an embarrassed look on her face. Then, from out of nowhere appeared the president of the bank, Mr. Keller. Well, hello, Anna. He always had such a friendly smile but there was always a warning bell that seemed to go off in her head every time that he came near. She listened to the insights of that warning bell, and she never gave him any reason to be overly friendly.

Sir, she answered politely.

You know, he kidded, you keep this up and you’re going to be a rich little girl someday. He lightly touched the top of her head as he continued to walk by, trailing the young teller.

Yes, sir, she smiled as she turned and walked out of the small bank. She’d be rich alright, rich enough to take the boys and leave this place forever! The walk home seemed endless. It had snowed the night before and the wind was picking up. Anna pulled the collar of her worn coat up around her small neck as she leaned into the frigid air. Her cheeks were cold, and her fingers were numb from holding up the collar. She’d gone several blocks and much to her dismay it was snowing even heavier! She only had about a mile to go but she was certainly going to be cold when she got home.

The snow was falling at a fast pace as her walk turned into a run. It reminded her of cotton candy as it whipped wildly in every direction. She didn’t hear the car pull up behind her as she started across the snowy street. If it hadn’t been for the honking of the horn, she wouldn’t have seen it at all! Just a few more feet and it would have hit her! Startled by the blast she let go of her coat as she swung around and faced the running automobile just as the wet snow covered her like a blanket. Sputtering, she grabbed a handful of cloth and pulled it back around her body. The car was a brilliant red and it reminded Anna of a large red apple. It had chrome bumpers and fancy-looking wipers that whined as they crisscrossed. She’d never seen a car like that one before. Within seconds the window of the large automobile magically opened.

Would you like a ride? the driver asked in a concerned tone. It’s freezing out there!

Anna shook her head no just as a blaring horn sounded behind him. The moving vehicle all but missed the bumper of the shiny red car. Immediately, the window rolled back up as the man pounded on his steering wheel shouting out familiar obscenities. Within seconds his foot was on the gas pedal as he spun down the street. There was no missing the disappointment on his reddened face.

Once again, a horn blared behind her. When she looked back all she could see was a black-haired freckle faced boy through a window of frosted glass and the voice of a cursing woman as he started to open the truck door. Would you like a ride? We’re going that way, he offered meekly.

Anna had been told never to get into a vehicle with strangers, but she was so cold. Besides, this lady wasn’t really a stranger, she had become one of her best rag customers. If it’s no trouble, she chattered through frozen lips thankful that they had shown up when they did.

Then get your hinny in here! the woman demanded as she flung the door open even wider. Why, you’ll catch your death of cold out there! What kind of idiot lets a child walk in weather like this!

Gratefully, Anna climbed into the warm seat next to Roy. Hi, she said meekly through chattering teeth as she held tightly onto the bankbook in her pocket.

Hi, he said shyly as he looked at the floor. There was no missing the blue mark that ran haphazardly across his fair-looking cheek.

You better get that hunk of lard you’re sitting on out of the way you old goat! Agnes hollered at the moving car in front of her as she continued to lie on the horn. I’d just as soon run this ole pickup right up your tailpipe you good for nothing two-faced thief! You might think that you’re something in that shiny red car, but you don’t own the road, you old buzzard! Then she turned and gave Anna an exasperated look. You do know it’s a blizzard out there child! the older woman remarked in her normal gruff voice as she ground the gears. The old pickup truck took off like a bullet bolting around the bright red automobile, throwing both kids backward into the seat. When they landed, they gave each other a knowing grin. What could you possibly be doing out in weather like this! she scolded. That mother of yours, I should call and give her a piece of my mind!

I had to go and deposit my money in the bank, she said through blue looking lips. Then she looked squarely into the older woman’s face. Before my mother found it.

The woman gave her an odd knowing look. I see, she said flatly. Then she turned and looked at the young dark-haired boy sitting next to her. You could take a lesson from this girl, Roy!

He gave the woman an innocent look as he spoke, Yes, ma’am.

That was her second encounter with the dark-haired boy named Roy Miller.

Chapter 5

Several months came and went as cold blustery days turned into a stifling hot summer. No school. No alarm clocks. And, the boys were old enough to go everywhere she went. It had been such a hot day that Anna had gone to the city pool. The twins loved the water.

As they walked along, she noticed a lone figure walking in front of them. It was a good four miles to the pool and back as the wagon’s old wheels made