The Memories We Made

By William Bergeron

While trying to reconnect with a lost friend and surviving in university, Jack finds himself swept by a tidal wave named Camille, a girl in his class and current crush, when she suddenly invites him to her house for a spontaneous study session. Oblivious to love and its intricacies, Jack could never imagine that she would be the one to turn his

• Language: English
• Publisher: Meadow Blossom Flowers
• Release date: May 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9781738867516

Book preview

The Memories We Made

William Bergeron

Copyright © 2023 William Bergeron

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher.

Meadow Blossom Flowers—Madison, WI

ISBN: 978-1-7388675-0-9

eBook ISBN: 978-1-7388675-1-6

Library of Congress Control Number:2023902275

Title: The Memories We Made

Author: William Bergeron

Digital distribution | 2023

Paperback | 2023

This is a work of fiction. The characters, names, incidents, places, and dialogue are products of the author’s imagination, and are not to be construed as real.

Dedication

To Benjamin, for always cheering me on and pushing me forward.

To my dad, for giving me the initial drive to start writing.

To Émile, who gave me the first push to tell this story.

To my friends, family and colleagues who encouraged me to keep going.

You are all my inspiration...

Contents

The Memories We Made

Dedication

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Epilogue

About the Author

Chapter 1

W

hat just happened?

Even if classes were over and we were walking to the nearest bar, I couldn’t help but get lost in thought, the monotony of my feet hitting the pavement at a steady pace a faded music to my ears. I couldn’t believe the events that had just transpired and kept going over it in my mind, trying to find any reason to dismiss it as a prank. I came up blank in that regard and continued staring at the floor, the sound of my friend’s laughter in the background sometimes reaching me. The hot air of the late spring evening blew on my face and coursed through my whole body, making my shoulders slump down even harder than they already had. I sighed and went over the events again while shaking my head, fumbling a piece of paper in my pocket, scared and apprehensive to even look at it again.

So many questions and so little answers. Why now? Why me? What could possibly have brought her eyes to me? I wasn’t even sure how that made me feel. A cocktail of emotion was brewing inside me and the end result was still a mystery. I finally looked up after a few minutes of staring at the ground, hands still in my pockets and loosely following my friends. Spring was ending and the trees shone with color all around the city, but all I could see were the grey sidewalks and the black roads. Cars kept loudly going by us, adding to the sound amalgamation that formed all around me. I couldn’t think straight anymore. Was that because I thought too much? Was it truly something that could be explained with exterior factors or was my mind simply too foggy after trying to process what just happened?

What just happened?

The question had a nice ring to it, but since it didn’t have an answer, I rejected it and tried to ignore it. But like a persistent bug, it kept coming back no matter how many times I swatted it away. What was the point? I couldn’t answer or chase it away. Would I be stuck with it for the rest of my life? I wasn’t too much of a fan of that prospect, but what else was I supposed to do? Talking with my friends could be an idea, surely, or perhaps they would laugh at me instead. Was it a gamble I was willing to take? After a few seconds of blankly staring at the buildings going by one by one as we continued walking down the street, I internally nodded to myself.

⋄ ⋄ ⋄

As summer break was drawing near, the busy life of Lone Oak University seemed to slip away a little more every day. Students with no more classes stopped coming to school and as the week went by, the corridors became more and more barren, plunging the entire building into a sea of silence. Exam season was a term on every student’s mind, either causing stress or shining a glimmer of hopefulness for the summer break. There was only a little more than a week left to the entire semester and most couldn’t wait to be home after a few painful weeks of studying. Today was Wednesday evening and I had just finished my second to last class.

As the clock ticked over to indicate the end of the class, the parting words of the professor couldn’t reach many of the students who bolted out of the class. I wasn’t as excited as they were, seeing as I had another class on Friday, but I nevertheless rapidly got my things and head out to the door. I shot a glance at my friends sitting at the back, looking to see if they were coming, but they seemed to be in a heated discussion about something and most of them hadn’t even started to move. My head turned to the professor who simply smiled at me and nodded before slumping down in his chair. He seemed exhausted which, to be fair, was completely justified. His material was very good and you could tell he put a lot of effort into his classes, but they mostly went underappreciated by his students. I smiled back at him and turned around, intending to go empty out my locker before Friday's final class.

Lone Oak University didn’t have many classrooms and most of them were on the second floor, spanning the entirety of the building. This class was no exception and while the majority of students took the central staircase to go down, I usually took a different route. Both to avoid the traffic and the noise it made. I wasn’t too much of a fan of crowds, especially when no one could move like sardines in a can. I much preferred to go down the staircase at the end of the second-floor hallway. Not only was it much quieter and out of the way for most, but it led directly to my locker so it was a double win for me. As I reached the crossroad and all students turned to the main hallway, I slipped away from the crowd and reached the doors at the end, alone. I sighed and rolled my eyes in annoyance. Even that little time it took for me to get from my class to here was too much, so I didn’t even want to imagine going through the whole group every day. I sighed sharply and pushed the doors open as they clanged with a heavy metallic sound that resonated in the staircase for a long time.

My footsteps echoed as I made my way down. Arriving by the door at the bottom, I heard voices behind me and glanced over at them. Three students, squatting down, were looking at me, eyebrows raised, like they waited for me to get on with it so they could resume whatever business they were doing. With a shrug, I opened the door and walked directly in front of me to my locker. Along with four others, they were the only lockers in this area. Apart from these five, all of them were in the middle wing of the school, but by some pure miracle, I was assigned one that was so out of the way I never even met the four other students that were given lockers near mine. I didn’t even know if they were still going to this school. The lockers didn’t seem occupied, but then again, neither did mine so how could I know? Still, the fact these lockers even existed was a little weird. Did the school somehow order too many lockers and had to make room somewhere for these five? The thought seemed ridiculous, but management was certainly capable of screwing up something like this, as they demonstrated on multiple occasions, so while it certainly was bizarre, I never gave it much thought. It just kind of made me laugh a little every time I thought about it, but I was glad to have been assigned a locker this out of the way.

I quickly input the code on my lock and it sprung open. The locker door squeaked. That was also something different about these lockers. Since they were so out of the way, they weren’t as maintained as the others. I opened my backpack and started to put in all the books I didn’t need anymore. English novels, math homework and a few straggling pages. I only left one for my last class. My eyes stopped on the coat still hung at the back of the locker. The days had been getting hotter for a good month now, but I always neglected to bring it back home and so it stayed there. I didn’t have much of a choice now so I reached out to grab it, but just as I was about to stuff it in my bag, I heard a voice to my right.

Hi, Jack!

A feminine voice. That wasn’t any one of my friends. Plus, they wouldn’t call me Jack, maybe more dude or buddy, but definitely not by my name. I turned around to look at who was calling me. I could recognize her anywhere. Camille. She had long blonde hair that flowed to the middle of her back. Two strands on each side of her face, one side almost covering her bright green eyes and her genuine smile seemed to radiate joy. Was it because of her hair color that resembled the sun or because of her general demeanor, I couldn’t say, but every time I saw her, I couldn’t help but smile. Today was different, however. She was talking to me. She never talked to me. We only had one class together and we only spoke on one occasion. Well, I couldn’t say anything then, so that wasn’t much of a conversation at all, making this even more of a surprise. Realizing it had been a few seconds and that she was looking at me, I snapped out of it.

Oh, um, hi, Camille... I said, embarrassed. Why was I embarrassed?

I hope you don’t plan on wearing that in this weather, she teased.

It took me a few seconds to realize I had my coat in my hand, which I promptly stuffed in my backpack before turning back to her.

Oh no, I just forgot it in my locker. No, wearing that would be asking for trouble, especially since the weather is so hot and I would overheat for sure. I mean, some people still wear coats, but I don’t, but like I said, I just forgot it in my locker.

Camille chuckled a little and put her hand over her mouth.

Don’t be so nervous, Jack, she said, laughing a little. I just had something to ask you. My mind raced to figure out what she could want with me and I drew a blank. There was nothing that made sense to me, we never talked to each other, she was basically a stranger to me. One that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of, but a stranger nonetheless. The only thing we had in common was our French class, but even then, she had other friends in that class so if she wanted notes or anything like that, she could just ask them. Why come to me? Plus, how did she know where my locker was? Are you okay?

Her question made me snap out of my ruminations and I made eye contact with her. She looked puzzled, like she couldn’t figure out why I was acting the way I was. My eyes immediately shot down, my nerves taking over my body.

Yeah, yeah, don’t worry about me, I answered nervously. What was it that you wanted to ask me?

Well, first of all, could you look at me when we’re having a conversation? Her tone wasn’t mean or annoyed, more encouraging. I looked up again and she smiled at me. It nearly made my heart melt right then and there. My stomach almost turned on itself. That’s better, isn’t it? she said with a chuckle. I could only nod and form half a smile. Words couldn’t come out of my mouth even if I wanted them to. Are you ready for the French exam next week? she asked, trying to contain her laughter. I felt bad thinking it must have been at my expense, but I tried to ignore it as best I could.

Uh...yeah, yeah, I am. Why? I answered, stuttering.

I am having a little trouble with the material from the last few classes and I could really use some help. Would you be willing to help me study for it?

Well, sure, but couldn’t you have some of your friends help you with that?

They’re not available tonight or tomorrow. You’re the only one that can help me with this, she quickly responded, a glint of confidence transpiring through her speech.

The only one? Surely other girls in the class would be willing to help her and it would be way less awkward than with me. This was the longest conversation I had with a girl that wasn’t my mom in a long time and my legs were pretty much ready to give in. I had talked to girls before, that wasn’t the issue, but I seemingly couldn’t do so well when it came to her specifically. I was almost amazed at myself for still being conscious at this point.

Okay, well, um. Yeah, I can help you study, if you really want to. So, when do you...

Tomorrow. At my place. After supper. Here.

She reached for her pocket and handed me a folded piece of paper. I carefully unfolded it to reveal an address and a time. The handwriting was simply beautiful, I couldn’t help but compare it to mine and realize how much better it was. Honestly, I’m surprised people can even read me sometimes. Hers was on another level. After a few seconds, I looked up and Camille was gone. Stunned, I investigated my surroundings, but there was no trace of her. I peeked around the corner into the corridor leading to the middle wing of the school and there she was, walking away so fast you could almost say she was running. I could swear I heard her giggling, but that might also have been the echo of her footsteps in the corridor. I didn’t think to call out to her until she took another turn and got out of vision. A familiar voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

Yo! What are you doing, dude?

I turned to my right to see my friends walking towards me from the other staircase. Seems like they finally settled their argument or whatever they were talking about in the class. Realizing I still had Camille’s paper in hand, I quickly folded it back up and stuffed it in my pocket as I closed up my locker. My friends finally caught up to me. Chris gave me a slap on the back.

We’re heading out to the bar, you coming? he asked, sliding his hand on my shoulder.

Um, yeah sure, I answered. But I won’t be staying too long, cause...

Cool, come on, let’s go.

They all started loudly talking about something else and started making their way to the exit. I couldn’t help but grab my backpack and follow them. Fortunately, they didn’t ask me anything on the way to the bar as I was completely lost in thought. Funny how you can still walk and follow a group while thinking of something totally unrelated. I couldn’t get over why Camille was asking me to help her study. It’s not like she really struggled with anything, she was consistently getting good grades and answering correctly in class. Somehow, I didn’t think she was being honest about needing help to study.

⋄ ⋄ ⋄

No matter how many times I thought about it, the situation wasn’t getting any clearer. Why was it so conflicting? I was glad when, for a moment, I managed to think of something else as we finally reached the bar. Due to its proximity to the school and the fact that most drinks were cheaper than the competition, it attracted a lot of attention from students and it was generally pretty busy and today seemed to be no exception. We made our way inside and sat down at one of the only available tables. Glancing over, we recognize a few other students sitting there. Seems like we weren’t the only ones celebrating the end of classes. Of course, that wasn’t my case as the question crept up in my mind and the piece of paper fell into my hand again. I absent-mindedly turned it between my fingers, focusing on the texture of the paper sliding across my skin and silently hoping that would somehow help my cause.

It didn’t.

The waiter soon arrived to take our drink orders after we sat down. I remember asking for something, but I didn’t even know what. After a few minutes of chatting, he came back with all of our drinks and told us to let him know if we needed anything. With that, he left to tend to other tables.

Hey, man, what’s up? You’ve been out of it since class ended. Something wrong?

I looked up at my friends. They were all staring at me, glasses almost empty as I had still not started mine. How much time had passed since we sat down? I didn’t even know. I couldn’t take my mind off Camille’s request. Why was I so obsessed with that? Yeah, girls didn’t usually talk to me out of the blue like that and that was a little weird, but she asked me to help her study. What was so weird about that? Wasn’t it a totally normal thing to ask to a fellow student?

Yeah, it’s just um...I got invited to a girl’s place tomorrow and uh...

Oh, very nice, Michael said, cutting me off. Whose?

Camille, a girl in my French class, I answered.

Wasn’t she the girl you were talking to me about the other day? That’s great news, man. So, what did she invite you for? Chris pried.

She wanted help to study for our final class on Friday and the exam next week.

Study, huh? Something tells me you’re not going to study at all, Vincent chuckled.

Yeah, you got that right, Chris seconded.

What do you mean? I asked, uncertain to what they were alluding.

Dude, from what you told me, she clearly doesn’t need a study buddy. Plus, she has other friends in that class who could help her. Why would she ask you of all people to help her?

That kind of hurt, but he was essentially saying what I was thinking. She did give me a reason though.

She said that all her friends weren’t available, so I was the only one who could help her, I said.

My friends laughed a little. I wasn't sure if they were laughing at me or not, but I for sure didn’t know how to react.

So, that was an excuse. She’s clearly into you and wants to see you alone outside of school. Meeting for the first time at her place is a bold move, don’t mess it up. You got this, dude!

They all cheered me on for a few seconds and I couldn’t help but put a hand behind my head in embarrassment.

I don’t think she means it like that, at all. There’s just no way that’s true.

Sure, man. Whatever, you do you, Michael said with a slight chuckle.

Eventually, they moved on to another subject. Even though I was sitting right next to them, I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I took my first sip of the night, lost in thought again. Could Camille really be inviting me over for more than just studying? From what my friends were saying, it certainly appeared that way, but I couldn’t fathom the idea that she could be into me. I was the reserved one, sitting at the back of the class, barely able to talk to anyone else than my friends. We hadn’t even spoke before. How could she possibly know who I was? My heart raced every time I was around her, that much I knew, but I couldn’t decipher her intentions from what little interaction we had this morning. This was so unusual to me, everything was completely new and, this time, I couldn’t learn about it by looking it up online. I’d have to go there tomorrow and figure it out by myself. The thought alone was making me nervous again. What would I say? How do you even start a conversation with someone that’s basically a stranger? Before I knew it, I had finished my drink and everybody else was getting ready to leave. I absent mindedly paid the bill and walked out of the bar. We said goodbye and promised to keep in touch. They all teased me about Camille and asked for news real soon to which I responded that it surely wouldn’t be interesting to hear how my study session went. With that, we parted ways as I was going left and all of them were going right. Tomorrow would be one exhausting day; it couldn’t be anything but.

Chapter 2

I

hardly had any sleep that night. I kept hearing Camille’s voice in my head, her invitation and how she looked so beautiful. I couldn’t get my mind off her. Plus, with everything my friends had said, I didn’t know what to think anymore. Did she really mean to invite me to study or did she have another reason like they were alluding? I turned around, trying to get into a more comfortable position on my bed, but it seemed like everything was bugging me; from my clothes to my sheets. How do you tell the voice in your head to shut up and let you sleep? After what felt like hours, I finally fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning completely exhausted. My head hurt and my eyes were itchy as if I stared at a screen for way too long. I slowly turned around to look at my alarm clock. 8h12 a.m. I stretched, trying to wake my muscles up from their slumber. As soon as a clear thought could be formed, all the conversations the day prior came rushing back and I let out an audible sigh. What was I going to do? I rubbed my face with one hand. Eventually, I got up and went to open the drapes to let some sunlight in my room.

It wasn’t a very big room by any means, but it was enough for me. I lived in modesty, didn’t have too many fancy things and enjoyed having everything organized. In one corner of the room was my bookshelf with a little bit of everything in it from fantasy and science fiction to historical books. Resting on top of it were a few souvenirs I brought back from various trips I did when I was a kid. Right next to it was a desk where I liked to do my homework and other writing assignments. A couple of papers were messily scattered on it. I’d have to get to that soon to not lose anything. My school laptop was also on it, still open. Seems like I had forgotten to close it last night and left it on. Opposite of the desk was my bed. The sheets weren’t my primary color of choice, but they had been given to me by my parents a few years back and I hadn’t felt like changing them yet. Right beside it was a little brown nightstand where I liked to keep my keys, wallet and other important things to bring when I went out. The white walls were a little bright at times, times like now, when the sun was shining right on them and reflecting the light into my eyes. I squinted a little as I made my way out of the bedroom.

Right outside the bedroom was the living room. As I always did, I gave it a glance as I walked by. I don’t know why I had to peek every time I passed a door or a room, but it was something I couldn’t control. Was it to make sure everything was still there? Then why did I do the same thing in classrooms at school? At some point, I stopped trying to hide it and just did it. Nothing ever happened by me peeking anyway. A few steps later and I was in the kitchen. Not the biggest kitchen and definitely not used to its full potential, but it was sufficient for me and I quite liked its quirkiness. It was in its own bubble, small and somehow productive. I didn’t know a lot of recipes and wasn’t a great cook by any means, but it’s something I learned after a while. Cooking for myself was something I had a little trouble with, because of lack of skill or pure laziness, I wasn’t sure, but I always found it better to cook for others, when friends came over for example. There’s something about cooking for someone else that makes the activity more enjoyable. I made myself a quick breakfast and sat down at the kitchen table, reminiscing again about my meeting later with Camille.

Before I realized, I was staring into nothing and my breakfast had become cold. It was now almost noon and I had gotten no work done. I was a little behind on my preparation for my other classes and wanted to get it over with before tonight. Hastily, I ate what was now the saddest meal I had in a long time and went back to the desk in my room to tidy up those papers and make some space. I had to make sure to get prepared for my philosophy class exam as it was the first one next week and also the one I felt the least prepared for. After all, this was the class I had the most trouble in and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe those types of books just didn’t resonate with me or maybe it was the way the teacher was approaching the subjects. Regardless, I needed to take some extra notes on the last few classes and make sure I knew what was going on if I wanted a good grade on the exam. I organized the papers into one pile I set on the left and sat down in front of my laptop. I opened a writing software and stared at a blank page. The cursor flashed and flashed, a single black line in a sea of white. I didn’t know why, but nothing was coming up and I couldn’t focus. After a while, I took out one of the books we had to read for the class and tried to study that instead. I realized after reading the same line four times in a row this probably wasn’t working either. I sighed again. Seems like there was nothing to be done until tonight.

Camille was occupying all of my thoughts. Every time I tried to get away, she would pull me back in with her golden hair and charming eyes. Every time I thought of something else, her voice would resonate in my head to distract me. Her laugh would make my heart rate go faster. My eyes wandered to the piece of paper she handed yesterday. After a few seconds, I pulled up a map on my laptop and looked up her address and how to get there. She wasn’t living too far, but it was a little bit of a ride in public transport. No matter. At this point, I knew I had to see her or I might fail all my classes.

⋄ ⋄ ⋄

I didn’t know when supper time was for her, but figured 7 p.m. would be a good time to show up. Not too late and not too early, just right for a study session of a few hours and then I’d go back home. No big deal, right? As the bus was reaching my stop, I hastily rang to let the driver know to let me out. The doors quickly opened and I made my way out. Camille’s house was a few minutes of walking away and on I went. I didn’t really know how I was able to walk, my legs felt like jelly and like they could crumble any minute. The weight of my backpack on my shoulders made them slump down like a flower wilting away under the heavy rain. It didn’t contain much, but it was shockingly heavy in a way I couldn’t explain. The sun wasn’t quite setting yet, but was peeking now and then through the houses on the opposite side of the street, periodically blinding me. At least the weather was nice. It wasn’t too hot, but definitely warm enough to avoid having to wear a jacket. Sometimes, a cooler wind breezed through my hair and hit my face. It was refreshing and also helped keep my thoughts in check. I didn’t know what to expect and the unknown factor made me very nervous. Suddenly, I realized something in a brief moment of clarity. These were houses. She wasn’t living in an apartment, so she was probably still living at her parents’ place. What would they think of me? Would they be weirded out by someone like me hanging out with their daughter? How awkward would our first meeting be? I didn’t think I could support having that kind of stress added on to this already nerve-wracking situation.

Finally, I arrived in front of her house. It wasn’t anything different than any of the other houses in the neighborhood, but this one somehow scared me more. On the left side, there was a paved driveway which led to some stairs that circled back to the front door. Fortunately, there was no car parked and I breathed out happily. One less thing to worry about. Readjusting my backpack, I made my way up the stairs and found myself in front of the white door that separated me from Camille’s home. All I had to do was knock. A simple thing, really. Yet my hand felt as heavy as stone and the door seemed so intimidating. It wasn’t the first door I had knocked on, so why was this one any different? Eventually, I managed to lift my hand and knocked three times, almost as softly as a gust of wind. I waited for a few seconds, but nothing happened. I looked up and sighed nervously. I lifted my hand again and knocked three more times, but way harder. I heard movement inside and stepped away from the door, swinging back and forth on my feet. I felt like I couldn’t sit still, like I had to move or else...or else what? The sound of the door creaking open snapped me out of my head and there, standing in the doorway, was the girl I had come to see.

Camille was radiant, as always. Her blonde hair flowing down her back and her green eyes made me melt in place. She was wearing a sunflower brown dress that contrasted well with her hair and made her stand out even more. The dress met her curves very well and stopped just under the knee, meeting up with her stockings. I stood there, dumbfounded and in awe, not wanting to look her up and down, but fighting with all my willpower to stop me from doing it anyway. When she saw me, a genuine smile formed on her face as she gestured for me to enter.

Come in, come in. I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show up.

Should I have come sooner? I asked, genuinely looking to know if I was in the wrong. After all, I couldn’t possibly know when supper time was for her and her family as it might be different from mine and she had neglected to tell me a precise time. If ever, the thought barely crossing my mind, that I would have to come again, I’d love to be at a more convenient time for her.

Oh no, no, I was just saying. I, uh, kind of left in a hurry yesterday and didn’t make sure you were actually on board with it, Camille said, with a hand behind her head and a little grin on her face. Well, don’t just stand there, come on inside, we’re not going to study out there, are we?

Camille almost pulled me inside the house. Practically tossing me aside, she closed the door and locked it. I took a few seconds to take in my surroundings. There was a living room on the left, stairs leading up in the middle and the dining room on the right. That was all I could see before she dragged me up the stairs with her towards what I could only guess was her room. I almost tripped a few times while going up due to the sheer speed Camille was going. Before I could react or say anything, we were now in her room with the door closed, sitting on her bed side by side. Never would I have dreamed of this scenario. I would have thought we were going to study on a table downstairs or in the living room, but I couldn’t possibly have imagined being alone with her in her room the first time going to her house. Who was I kidding? The thought definitely crossed my mind, but I chose to ignore it due to the impossibility of it actually happening. Yet here we were. Funny how these things happen, sometimes.

We sat there in silence for a few moments during which I looked around the room, backpack still around my shoulders, but now resting on the bed sheets like me. The walls were a mixture of blue and green, not quite pastel, but close to it and the dwindling light of the sun passing through the window at the back of the room formed what appeared to be dancing shadows. It wasn’t the biggest and it didn’t have much in terms of furniture. Near the window, a white desk contrasted with the surrounding colors. It seemed a lot messier than mine, but I didn’t want to pry any further than I already had, so I turned away. On another wall were two sliding doors, most likely hiding a closet and, from the lack of it in the actual room, a dresser. Opposite to that, a bookshelf, smaller than mine and less garnished, completed the scenery. What was curious about it was one side was reserved for books and the other contained boxes of various size that appeared to be for puzzles. Did she particularly like doing them, I wondered? The bed we were sitting on was almost in the middle of the room, not quite tucked in any corner, which was weird to me as Camille would have probably gained some space by moving her things around a little. But she was probably comfortable having things sorted this way, the complete opposite to me. And this silence that lasted for an eternity certainly didn’t help me in any way. Finally, her voice shattered it as she brought me back from my observations.

So, um, I was thinking we could maybe watch a movie? What would you like to see? Camille inquired, looking at the floor as if the wood panels had any answers. She seemed timid, not unlike me, but not like her greeting at the door and her enthusiastic run up here. Why the sudden attitude change? I guess I wasn’t in any place to talk either.

A movie? I asked. Shouldn’t we be studying for the exam, as you said? Isn’t that why I’m here?

Her hand went up to her face, almost hiding it from me. I caught a glimpse of it and it seemed redder than what I remembered.

Yeah, of course, um...we’ll do that later. I just need to relax a little and I usually do that by watching a movie. Plus, this is kind of awkward and maybe that would help ease the situation...for you I mean, Camille stammered.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like to watch movies, I actually quite liked it, but it just didn’t seem to be what we ought to have been doing at that moment. Perhaps she really wanted to put me at ease? I definitely wouldn’t object to it; my stomach was probably about to give in from sheer nervousness, but I still secretly hoped that we could just get on with the studying portion so I could get out of her house. Not because I didn’t like being near her, but my nerves could only take so much and I had to look after myself, didn’t I? Why did I want to leave and stay at the same time? Weren't those two opposite feelings? Before I could even answer, she presented me with three options by handing me movie covers. I shakingly took them and looked at the titles. None of them I had ever heard of and my mind couldn’t even figure out the genre from the titles or the covers. It was like it had stopped functioning and couldn’t process even the simplest of tasks. Randomly, I selected the middle by pointing at it and Camille seemed delighted by my choice. She snatched the movies back, almost startling me by how assertive her movement had been, and she got up to get her laptop that was sitting on her desk. She also took out a little tray that could be used to hold the computer up. I was still sitting straight up, seemingly paralysed from head to toe, as she moved around the room and prepared the movie. Before I knew it, it was starting and Camille was now behind me.

You can lie down, you know, she said with a slight chuckle. Almost like a robot, my head slowly plumped down on her pillow.

I could feel her weight in the mattress. She wasn’t far from me, but not too close either, keeping a fair distance between us. I was both glad and upset that she did, like an undecided toddler. Her bed was a little bigger than mine, but even then, it seemed too small to my liking. It was a really conflicting feeling, both wanting to be closer to her, but being so nervous about it and wishing she wasn’t. My mind couldn’t pay any attention to the movie at all and I found myself lost in thought before long, wondering what I was even doing here in the first place. Sometimes, I felt Camille change position and move and I would shudder every time as if she were about to hit me or something. But the hit never came and instead she lay back down, perfectly content in watching this movie I had picked, but had paid no attention to since it started.

After a while, I felt something pressing on my back and then something on my arm. It took me embarrassingly long to figure out it was her own arm and my eyes widened in shock. That meant that...what was pressing against me was...I felt her leg’s touch and her head almost bumped mine. There was no doubt about it. She was cuddling me! A shiver shot down my spine and I started to shake, which was weird considering it was nearly summer. I wanted to turn around and ask her what she was doing, but something was preventing me from doing so like an invisible hand holding my head into the pillow. I couldn’t move a muscle, some few tons weighing down on my entire body. I was frozen in place like an icicle, doomed to lie still without ever being able to get out. I felt her breath caress my cheeks and the sound of her voice as she whispered.

How are you feeling?

I couldn’t even come up with an answer. It was like her question took away any form of thinking my mind could possibly have and I felt a little overwhelmed. How was I feeling? Could I even be honest with her and tell her that even her presence made my stomach turn and she was the reason I was shaking from nervousness? I knew I had to say something, however, and my brain defaulted to the only thing it still knew.

Uh...yeah, yeah...I’m fine. Yeah. Perfectly fine, I said, voice cracking to top it all off.

I felt her arm move towards my legs as her hand wandered across my chest. I braced myself, closing my eyes in anticipation, but nothing came. I could only think of what she was doing and couldn’t come up with an answer. The sound of the movie, only ignored before, was now completely out of the equation as I was totally focused on her hand and the path it left behind. It stopped a little on my hip as if looking for validation it never got. After a few seconds, it resumed its descent towards my crotch and, as it was getting a little too close for my comfort, I jumped out of bed, nearly knocking down the computer tray and her computer along with it. I found myself looking straight at her as I felt my cheeks burning. She was a little stunned by the sudden movement and we made eye contact for a brief moment. I peered into her eyes, seeing both confusion and disappointment with a little pinch of shock. In the moment, I didn’t quite understand why she was feeling that way and resigned to flee the scene as fast as possible to hide the shame of the situation. A little more abrupt than I intended, I opened her bedroom door and stepped outside, looking for any other room I could reasonably hide in. Luckily, the bathroom was in sight almost directly in front of me and I practically sprinted towards it. I only regained some semblance of composure as I closed the door and locked it, panting heavily. As I turned to the side, I noticed my face in the mirror above the sink. Come to think of it, I hadn’t even shaved before coming here and the hair that covered my face was in such a state. My forehead was shining under the yellow light of the bulbs above me. My light-brown hair was also a mess, perhaps from lying down or from the sudden rush that came over me, but it was always so hard to deal with that it didn’t strike me as odd. My shirt was sticking to me like a spiderweb, my pants felt heavy on my hips, I wanted to take them all off and breathe for a second. I went over to the sink and leaned on it, heavily breathing and trying to relax. What had just happened? This wasn’t a study session, after all. She clearly had some other intent, but I just wasn’t prepared for that at all. Well, my friends did tell me, clearly, and I had chosen to ignore them, my mind rejecting even the slightest possibility they could be telling the truth. And the truth it was. Was she acting on true feelings or was this her way of trying to make me comfortable? If it was the latter, it clearly wasn’t working. Just as I was getting everything back under control, a knock resonated on the door. I instantly froze, staring straight into the mirror, silently hoping it wasn’t her, even though I knew that was impossible. Maybe it would have been less embarrassing that way.

Are you okay? Camille asked from behind the door with a tone of genuine concern. Her knocks were gentle, almost like she restrained herself from fully knocking, for reasons I didn’t know.

Yeah, I’m...I’m coming out, I answered shakingly, taking another deep breath before turning around towards the door.

My hand reached the lock and turned it slowly. With a clack, it slid aside, unlocking the door. Moving down, I seized the handle and, just as slow as the lock, turned it to open what little separated me from Camille. With a creak, the door revealed a new scene before me. Standing just outside the bathroom was Camille, now in her pajamas, looking both concerned and shy. As soon as she saw me, her eyes went straight to the floor and her right foot was resting on her toes as she balanced back and forth like she couldn’t sit still. For a few moments, I couldn’t take my eyes off her, she was the very embodiment of cuteness and yet, the most embarrassed was most likely me. Why did she change into her pajamas? Did she expect me to stay here all night? The mere thought brought back all the feelings I tried to suppress in the bathroom and they went straight to my head. Without a second thought, I bolted towards the stairs, straight past her, and started going down as fast as I could.

Wait! Camille called out behind me.

I didn’t stop. With the front door in sight, I quickly opened it and got out. I could only hear Camille call out to me one more time, but it was too late. I was already out on the sidewalk, running from this moment, from my feelings and from her house.

Why? Even I knew I was a shy kid, not even considering myself a man at this point, and when it came to matters of the heart, I was as inexperienced as a baby trying to walk for the first time. After all, yesterday was practically the first full conversation I had with a girl and that was awkward enough, but to be put into this situation today was more than overwhelming. I certainly felt something for Camille, that much was certain, but I was still confused as to what it was, what it meant, if it was the same for her or not. How could I be sure? I might never have an answer to that question, but I asked myself it anyway.

I ran for a while before realizing I had no real idea how to get back. I looked up the public transport schedule online and found a nearby bus that would take me close enough to my apartment. It was only then that the absence of my backpack on my shoulders was felt and with a facepalm, I sighed heavily. A complete idiot. I left my backpack at her house and there was no way that I would go back there now, not after this. Not tonight anyway. I had to get out of here, go back home and drown myself in embarrassment. Then, and only then, was there a chance of me looking to get my backpack from her.

Chapter 3

W

hen you’ve been going to school for more than a decade, you start to get accustomed to the feeling of leaving the house with a backpack on. The weight on your shoulders is reassuring, like you didn’t forget anything back at home and you’re fully prepared for the day ahead. Having that suddenly taken away was not only weird to me, I felt almost like I wasn’t whole, like a part of me was missing, forgotten or perhaps left behind. As the school drew closer and closer, the weight missing from my shoulders seemed to shift into my heart. The fear of the unknown is a very strong feeling. I had no idea how I would get my backpack back and the thought of having to face Camille now was the most terrified I had been in a long time. What would she think of me now that I ran away from her like a scared infant? Would she even dare talk to me anymore and simply keep my things?

I got into the school by the doors closest to my locker, wanting to limit the amount of time I would be in the building. I passed by a few students squatting in the staircase, the same as two days ago, but this time they seemed to pay more attention as they surely noticed the lack of a bag on my back. Or was that my imagination? I felt like they wanted to say something, but I simply walked faster to pass them and didn’t make eye contact. As I opened the door to reveal my locker in front of me, I noticed a white paper stuck on it. A note, perhaps? I approached it and ripped it off, carefully reading it. If you want to get your backpack, meet me at my locker. Number 294.

The note was from Camille, no doubt about it. Even though I hadn’t seen it a lot, I could recognize her handwriting anywhere. Her locker was on the other side of the school, but that wasn’t the biggest obstacle. I had almost resigned myself to forget about the backpack and carry on with my day, hoping to avoid talking to her even though we were in the same class. Maybe she’d want the same thing and everything would work out perfectly. But the note made me hesitate. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to figure out what she thought of me now, to put this whole thing behind me, return to being the quiet kid at the back of the class that minded his own business and that girls didn’t want to talk to. Torn between two feelings, I decided to go meet with her and hoped she would be alone.

A few minutes later, I was nearing her locker. I almost turned back a couple times and practically dragged my feet the whole way, but I was here. My heart was beating way faster than it should have, threatening to burst out of my chest at any moment. Finally, amongst the many rows of lockers that formed the main common area of the school, I saw her and her friends, waiting in the second to last row. As she saw me, she motioned me to come with her hand and held up my backpack. Stupidly, I turned around to see if she was really talking to me. Who else could she be talking to? It was mine, of course she was talking to me. I approached timidly, both intimidated by the fact all her friends were standing with her and by the awkwardness of our situation at that moment. They looked at me with big smiles on their faces, silently taunting me and I did my best to ignore them. I stopped when I got near, but not too close either. It was like I felt safer with a certain distance between us. Eyes down, I waited for her to start talking, mainly because I didn’t know how to even start this conversation.

I think you forgot this yesterday, Camille said while holding up my backpack. Without a word and barely looking up, I nodded and held out my hand to take it. The sudden weight on my hand almost made me fall, but I managed to regain my composure before making a fool of myself in front of everyone.

Th-Thanks, I said nervously. I didn’t know what else to say. I slowly put it on and the familiar touch put me slightly more at ease.

I saw her motion to her friends at the corner of my eye, but I kept my gaze to the ground. Her friends moved away to another row of locker, leaving us alone. I felt her hand on my chin and, with her help, finally looked at her. She didn’t seem angry. In fact, she smiled at me. A smile I couldn’t quite understand. It looked...amused, almost like when looking at a dog doing a silly trick. Her reaction confused me. Why was she so cheerful, always so beaming with happiness? I couldn’t make sense of it. I wasn’t angry or anything either, of course, more like frozen in place, incapable of doing the simplest thing like looking her in the eyes while she was so assertive in her demeanor. She exalted confidence from every fiber of her being and, while I wasn’t exactly intimidated, it was a very different feeling compared to what my friends made me feel.

You had better not forget it next time, she said with a slight chuckle. She leaned back and crossed her arms. So yesterday happened, huh? She waited for a few seconds and, after my lack of answer, leaned forward with an incredulous look on her face. What happened back there, Jack?

I...I... got nervous and...and... didn’t really know how to react so I ran away...I’m sorry, I just...this is all new to me, I struggled to say. I was sort of hopping in place, uneased and uncertain of the situation. It was like I couldn’t sit still, wanting to run away again, but some force attracted me and almost forced me to stay.

I think you need to get out of your head and just let go, Camille answered. What did you think I invited you for yesterday?

Well, to study for French class, was it not? I asked.

It wasn’t to study, Jack. She paused for a second, almost hesitating. For what, I didn’t know. I like you and wanted to spend some time with you. Wasn’t that obvious?

No, it wasn’t, I answered while shaking my head and looking down again. I caught myself and looked at her instead. Like I said, this is all new to me. I genuinely thought you wanted some help to study and that’s why I said yes.

That would explain certain things, Camille said, leaning back again. How do you feel about me, then?

What did I feel about her? She had to have some sort of magical ability to ask the most awkward questions ever. I couldn’t even begin to figure out what I was feeling, especially not now. It was true that I felt some attraction to her, but since I had nothing to compare it to, I couldn’t truly know what it was. Was it simple attraction? Love? Companionship? Just a crush or perhaps a girl I found really pretty? The lines between all these were very blurry to me and I couldn’t decipher on which side Camille landed on. To be put on the spot like this was almost enough to make me turn back, for real this time, but I resigned myself to do at least one thing right. I looked at her directly this time and, with the last shred of confidence I was able to conjure, I became the boldest I had ever been with a girl.

I’m not sure I have an answer for that question yet. Could I have your number? It’s just that with summer approaching and the exams coming up, if you wanted an answer, I think that would be the best way to talk. I stopped talking, already saying way too much for what my request was. Camille looked surprised, then amused and then something else I couldn’t figure out. Her gaze changed, eyeing me up and down while biting her lower lip, and she held out her hand to me.

Sure.

I patted all my pockets, forgetting where my phone was for a moment, caught in heat of the moment, still hooked on that last expression I didn’t understand. I was beginning to panic as I couldn’t find it. My chance would be ruined if I didn’t take out my phone, like, right now. Finally, the familiar rectangular shape fell into my hands and, with a lot more trouble than it should have been, I unlocked it, opened a new contact and handed her my phone to input her number. She took it, almost greedily, and input it so fast I was taken aback when she handed it back to me a whopping three seconds later. With some hesitation, I took it from her and looked at it for a moment. A few seconds passed while I stared at the screen, not processing what I was seeing. It was as if the phone had been foreign to me or a brand new one I had just bought from a store. Either way, I couldn’t believe it. Camille had really given me her number! A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. I looked up from the phone and met her eyes as she smiled at me. I felt my cheeks get warm and my face got red. This time, there was no stopping me. I swiftly turned and started going towards the right. I heard Camille shout out to me.

French class is not that way, Jack.

How red from embarrassment can I possibly get? I didn’t have the answer to that question, but I couldn’t imagine someone being redder than I probably was at the moment. I stopped immediately, as stiff as a tree planted in the middle of the corridor, my mind all blurry and holding my breath. My entire face felt like it had been lit on fire and my hands, clutching the shoulder straps of my backpack, were starting to slip. I turned around and, almost running at this point, walked as fast as I could away from Camille’s locker while hearing her and her friends giggle a little behind me. I sensed the gaze of every student in the vicinity on me. Was it really the case? Maybe not, but there was no way I could tell with my eyes fixed on the floor.

Not even two minutes later, I