No, No, Bad Dog

By Cathy J. Chovaz

This book is three decades of my clinical work in one fictitious story. It is based on the marginalization of deaf individuals and is about Mary, a hearing child born to deaf parents. The difference however is that Mary is the outsider as the majority of the world is deaf. Her parents Ellen and Ben feel completely overwhelmed and her siblings react with anger and confusion that their sister is different. Mary’s life is set in a history of her grandmother’s life lived with love, sorrow, and mystery. Their stories will ask you to think outside of all you know and to imagine life as you never thought it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Apr 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781685628390

Cathy J. Chovaz

Dr. Cathy Chovaz, an internationally recognized Clinical Psychologist, has published and presented widely over three decades about the complexities and inequities regarding mental health and deafness. She is a Professor in the Department of Psychology at King’s University College at Western University in London, Ontario, Canada. This debut fiction novel departs from Cathy’s professional and academic publishing. She has embraced the freedom to tell a story from her core, as a woman deafened in her early adulthood, and from the generational-spanning stories shared with her from the countless deaf adults, adolescents, and children that she has been privileged to work with clinically, and the abundant friendships fostered through time and trust. This book challenges readers to view the world, and their own place in it, in ways not contemplated before. She lives in a lakeside Ontario community with her husband and one “perfect” and one “promising” Labrador retriever, and two feline friends.

Book preview

The Beginning

‘It’s a girl!’ All of the hands in the waiting room started waving enthusiastically. The applause was contagious, and Ben moved around the room kissing his relatives and shaking hands. The birth of their fourth child was no less momentous than the first three had been and he felt thrilled – at his ability to create a child with his wife, Ellen, and carry on their family lines.

Ben’s family was well known in the community having been principals, teachers, and superintendents of education for over 100 years. Ellen’s family was from the East Coast and owned a fishing business handed down over the generations. She was the only one in her family ever to attend university and her family could not have been more proud. Ben and Ellen both came from loving families and it was to these families he now turned and raised his hands to share his joy.

Ellen and I are both so deeply thrilled and honored to welcome this new child into our family. Her name will be Mary Sarah Danton and you are her family. Here’s to Mary! And he finished by forming a glass with his hands and raising it to his lips. His family raised their hands again waving in joy and so began the life of Mary.

Chapter One

Ellen labored for 14 hours. She moved repeatedly from the tub in the bathroom with warm scented lavender water to her warm bed heavy with her quilts. Each time Ellen moved their black shaggy dog Chama followed, never letting her out of her sight. When her contractions were about three minutes apart, her husband called the midwife. As the midwife walked into the room, Ellen knew that her family was gathering in her home, each in their way sharing in this momentous process.

As the pain increased, Ellen remembered her mother telling her that every contraction brought her closer to meeting her baby. Ellen concentrated on her labor and tried to ride the contractions like waves. As she surrendered to the rhythm and crashing of the swell, she turned to her husband Ben who wrapped his arms around her.

After a short time, the midwife calmly signed to Ellen to stop pushing and instead pant like a dog. Ben moved to sit behind her, and Ellen felt the baby crown between her legs. Within moments, the world shifted ever so slightly, and the baby was born. The feeling of relief was both welcomed and overwhelming. As Ben stroked her back and face, the midwife handed them their daughter. The big dog lifted her gaze to the new center of their universe and then with a contented sigh went back to sleep.

Ellen now intuitively brought her baby close to her. Ben was with the rest of their family sharing the good news and she was alone with her child. Ellen remembered her mother telling her that this was such an important time – the first ‘skin-on-skin’ with her newborn. With both hands, Ellen began a rhythmic caressing over the baby’s little face, her shoulders, her tiny body, her sweet little arms, and finally down her legs to her pink little feet. Ellen continued with gentle pressure communicating her love. In this way, she took stock of Mary counting fingers, counting toes, and looking at features while reassuring herself that indeed this miracle of theirs was perfect in every way.

Ellen felt a bit guilty as she realized all mothers were not that fortunate. In fact, it was just last year that her neighbor had given birth to a child who was missing all the fingers of one hand. Nobody knew why that had happened but at the time a chill went through the neighborhood – the poor little thing. How would her parents ever know what she was saying? Would her little hands be able to shape the necessary signs to communicate her hopes, her fears, her upsets? Indeed, the parents had wondered the same thing.

However, the little girl was now a year old and Ellen was amazed at how she signed with just one hand. She guessed it would be harder as the little girl grew and her language became more complex with signs often requiring two hands, but still the child was happy and flourishing. Their friends and family were grateful yet Ellen, feeling terrible about this realization, was glad it was her neighbor and not her. She was just not sure she had it in her to deal with those kinds of things. How awful to even think that but it was the truth.

Ellen thought she was a good person but just did not think she would ever have the resources to deal with a child who was developmentally delayed or had some syndrome or was missing limbs or anything like that. That’s just the way she was and maybe it was a good thing that the powers that be knew that.

As a lawyer, her firm was in the midst of quite a sensational case. She was an assistant litigator in the trial, and she had found, unlike many of her other cases, that this one followed her heart home as she started her maternity leave. The case was about a mother who had allegedly suffocated her newborn after being told the baby had a condition that would prevent walking, talking, and eventually breathing on his own. When the baby boy died, people seemed to secretly breathe a sigh of relief, for the poor little thing had seemed pathetic. He was limp in his mother’s arms, didn’t open his eyes, and had made no overture to nurse at her breast. People remarked, Thank God nature took its course. Once the police released that charges had been brought against the mother, there was both shock and outrage but an undeniable wee bit of sympathy for the parents.

Ellen’s research had found that in the previous year 650 babies died under Holland’s assisted suicide law. The parents and/or the doctors in each case had decided that the suffering of the baby was inhumane and too difficult to bear. Ellen remembered rubbing her seven-month tummy at the time thinking what would she ever do in Canada if she and Ben had that decision to make?

Ellen’s gaze wandered over to their big black shaggy dog. Chama was a Newfoundland dog who seemed to inject a little bit of home into Ellen’s heart every time she looked at her. Newfoundland dogs were large, powerful working dogs that are used to pull in nets for fishermen. Ellen’s father James used to say that his Newfie named Duke was a better worker than any of his crew – reliable, good-natured, and willing to work hard.

Ellen remembered growing up thinking Duke was as much her father’s partner as his pet. Duke used to swim in the roughest and coldest of waters focused on retrieving nets for nothing more than a gruff pat on the head for thanks. But it was the communication between the two that shaped how Ellen grew up to understand the world and the animals in them.

Ellen’s father James was not a mystical man nor a man who seemed to see little other than what was right in front of him. Yet, his very way of being in the world taught his children to live with open minds to all that was around them, including animals. The communication between James and Duke was natural, uncomplicated, and meaningful. Duke was as much a part of sea-faring decisions as were the other men in the boat. Ellen smiled to herself as she remembered how James would rely on the seagulls to indicate a storm was coming more than any weatherman’s predictions.

Ellen suddenly felt chilled. She looked over at her dog and Chama immediately stood up and ambled over, nuzzling her big head against the side of the bed where Ellen lay. Ellen reached out with one hand and felt the warmth of Chama make its way to her heart. As the chill lessened, she returned all of her attention to little Mary. She turned the baby’s head, so she was looking directly at Ellen. Could Mary even see this early on? Ellen was not sure, but she would make sure Mary was looking at her. Once she thought the baby’s attention was on her, Ellen pointed to herself, crossed her arms over her chest then pointed to the baby. Ellen wondered how many times in her life she would sign that same sentiment to her child. And sitting alone in her bed with her new baby, Ellen signed I love you again and again. The big black shaggy dog closed her eyes in contentment.

The dog gave a final yelp and pushed out six pups one after the other. She immediately cut their umbilical cords with her teeth and then began licking each puppy all over their faces, their bodies, and their legs. In turn, each puppy wriggled to life at its mother’s touch and instinctively turned toward her teats. Their little eyes and ears would remain sealed for one more week but the mother dog looked them all over intently. As she was satisfied all was as it should be, the mother dog turned to her brood and focused on keeping them warm and fed.

Chapter Two

Ben’s brother Matt clapped him on the back and shook his hands.

Congratulations, brother! Three boys and now a little girl. You and Ellen have a beautiful family and Sophie and I could not be happier for you. Mom would be happy to know a little girl was named after her.

Matt’s big hands showed the wear and tear of teaching his woodworking skill in classrooms. Those big hands seemed so clumsy yet were capable of creating such beautiful things out of wood with such fine attention to detail. Now Matt moved his hands eloquently as he congratulated his brother. Ben signed back his thanks and then moved closer to Ellen’s mother, Sarah.

Sarah Swale was frail in body but sharp as a whip. She had been born, married, and continued to live in Speckled Bay in Newfoundland. She had been a child with 10 siblings and the two brothers that were still living remained in the area. Sarah was a child, a bride, and a widow of the sea. She had been born into generations of fishermen and had married Ellen’s father, James, who eventually with his brothers owned a large fishing fleet in the Bay.

Sarah and James had three young sons very quickly. And then for a number of years all was still in Sarah’s womb until a baby girl arrived. They had considered baby Ellen a sweet surprise and Sarah smiled as she reflected now on Ellen’s three sons and their own sweet addition.

Although things had changed in recent years, there was a time in the past when cod were so bountiful that, as the saying went, you could step out of your boat and walk to shore on their backs. Yet fishing was not without peril and one day James’s boat simply did not return from the sea following a storm, leaving Sarah with four young children.

Sarah had never known the saying ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ but if she had, she would have agreed. Scarcely missing a beat, life in the fishing village continued as the ocean had no patience or need for celebrations or tragedies. The uncles, the aunts, and the older cousins all took their share of parenting Sarah and James’ children. In the quiet hours of the night though after the busy days had quieted and the children were in bed, Sarah had wept for hours stretching into months and now into years. Her beloved James as her own father had often said was ‘a salt of the sea man.’

Sarah now reached up with an age-spotted hand to her son-in-law. Although she still did not really understand why anybody would leave Speckled Bay, Sarah had come to respect and even love this man who had captured Ellen’s heart. With watery eyes, Sarah touched her palm to her chest then crossed both hands moving downward forming the lovely hand shape for blessing. With concentration, as more and more her hands seemed to shake with a life of their own, her eyes twinkled as she told Ben that there would be a mighty fine scoff and scuff back home when they got the news. Ben understood her signed dialect to mean his wife’s family on the Rock would celebrate Mary’s birth with a celebration meal followed by a dance. As he leaned over to hug his mother-in-law, his attention was taken by the move of his father’s hand.

The old man sat on a chair in the waiting room and Ben moved to his side. As the patriarch of the family, William Danton lived his life with wisdom that came from experience and pragmatism that came from a stalwart work ethic. William had started work as a teacher, moved on to be principal, and finished his career as a superintendent of the public school system in the area.

William had worked long hours from an administrative perspective but never failed each and every day to enter at least one classroom to have a conversation with the children. In his view, the children afforded him his vocation and he owed them his thanks. He had retired several years ago and still missed the daily encounters with the children. He and his wife Mary loved being grandparents and subtly William’s attention had shifted from the school children to nurturing, guiding, and loving his own grandchildren. It saddened him that his Mary was not here today to welcome their newest addition. And to have the baby named after her brought tears to his eyes.

William looked up at his son from his chair and his eyes filled as he signed, Ben, your mother and I have always been so proud to have you as a son. And to welcome little Mary into our family brings me great joy. Your mother, my Mary, is with us in spirit, as I know how pleased she would be to have her name carry on. Thank you.

As he tipped his hand away from his mouth to sign thank you, he began to cough, and Ben put his arm around his thin shoulders.

Dad, are you okay?

I am fine, son, just fine. Now please help me up so I can meet this child – this wonderful little Mary of ours.

Ben helped the old man up and gave him his cane to steady himself. Then he walked over to the wall and flicked the light switch. Everybody’s attention was instantly diverted to Ben and the room settled in anticipation of his comment. Ben turned to face his family and signed, Ellen is doing just great. She is now nursing little Mary for the first time and getting to know her. When they are done, I’m taking Grandpa William and Granny Sarah in to meet their new little granddaughter and the boys in to meet their sister. After that, you will be welcome to come in and meet her for yourself.

He then moved both his index fingers away from his mouth in the sign for ‘Success – we did it!’ and the group broke again into waving hands applause and smiles. The eldest adult to the youngest child were links to the past and bridges to the future.

Ben and Ellen’s three sons were standing with their cousins near the back of the room. They were all intrigued with the sugar that was formed into perfect squares on the coffee table. When the adults were not looking, all the children were popping them into their mouths and sucking them till the cube disappeared.

Luke was eleven years old and had long insisted that girls were stupid. When his parents shared his mom was pregnant, Luke had responded that he was not interested in a baby, particularly if it was a baby sister. When his eight-year-old brother Thomas had asked why Luke responded, Because girls are just stupid.

Thomas had pressed him for the reasons and Luke told him about a girl, Tracy, in his class. Tracy was a bit bigger than the other girls and a bit more like a boy in the way she played ball. So Luke had bumped her chest-to-chest in the recess line like he did all his friends and to his amazement, Tracy told on him to the teacher.

When you get to be my age, Thomas, everybody knows that you bump and shove and that’s how we know we are friends. But, to tell on me? Tell the teacher? That was just crazy. That was just stupid. Doesn’t she know it means she can’t play with us if we can’t bump her?

Thomas had pondered for some time in his reflective thoughtful way. Finally, he approached his brother and signed, Maybe Tracy just made a mistake. Maybe you should give her another chance.

So the next day Luke had watched as Tracy lined up for recess. Heeding Thomas’s comment, he went over and bumped Tracy extra hard so she would really know he wanted to be friends. To his utter horror, Tracy burst into tears, and Luke was sent to the office.

When he got home that night with all his recess privileges taken away for one week, he turned on Thomas.

See? She doesn’t understand our boy’s language! She is really stupid, and I hate her and if Mom has a girl I’m going to hate having a sister. She won’t understand our boy language either! I don’t want a sister!

Thomas had thought about this for quite a while. What his brother was telling him seemed to make sense. If someone did not understand your language, how could you ever really be friends? How could you play tricks together or plan a sleepover or catch a mouse to put in someone’s desk if you really did not understand what the other person meant? Life would just be too hard to have a friend like that. So, somewhat because he believed and somewhat because he wanted so badly to be loyal to his big brother, he had told all his friends, I hate girls. Sisters are girls and if I have one, I’m going to hate her too. She will never understand my boy language and I will never understand hers.

So now