Before the age of 28

By Prachurya Bharadwaj

The name Prachurya means Goddess of wealth in ancient Sanskrit. True to that meaning, Prachurya Bharadwaj the author, has accumulated herself an ocean of experiences, that very few 28-year-olds would fathom.

She didn’t just stop at one post-graduate degree in engineering but pursued another one, then some more professional courses after that. At 21, when she went abroad to study, she found internship opportunities in one country, created a start-up in another followed by full-time positions, then again in another country where she bought her first house. This book is a story of her defeating all odds, taking proactive measures, rising above those who thought too little of her, healing herself of continuous traumas stacked over the ones from her childhood. 

Today she works in the Netherlands as a technical lead for development of unique technology, that should ascertain the leadership of ASML in the semiconductor industry. This exciting read is only a part of her story, going from the age of around 7 until 28, when she perceived that this was the pinnacle of her success.

Her upcoming books will contain the story of what happens after that epitome of success. You guessed it right. She keeps achieving more.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Europa Edizioni
• Release date: Dec 31, 2022
• ISBN: 9791220137164

Book preview

Prachurya Bharadwaj

BEFORE THE AGE OF 28

Defying biology, gender norms, societal norms

© 2022 Europe Books| London www.europebooks.co.uk | [e-mail]

ISBN 9791220130394

First edition: November 2022

BEFORE THE AGE OF 28

Defying biology, gender norms, societal norms

Dedicated to expats and professionals  who travel and while they do so,

they experience the world in a more holistic manner that

challenges the commoner's understanding of the world.

I thank everybody who touched my life at any phase. Each human interaction made me become more whole. Some of those connections became friends  and some became acquaintances.

Some did not leave pleasant memories

but stimulated more love for myself, more determination to embark on this journey of self-actualization.

As it seems, I will continue to develop layers of  new interests and passion and continue to build on that wholeness. So, for anybody I have met  and have had a small conversation with,  your time spent with me helped me.

Please know that.

Philippians 4: 7. KJV: And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through

Christ Jesus.

Preface

I am a female writer but certainly not limited to conventionally perceived feminine experiences and interests. My stories are about bursting some new doors open for myself, winning competitions against my own self, winning life, achieving success and personal growth through every curve ball that life throws. These factors cannot be circumscribed to one gender. Hence, I speak to both men and women. Do not put this book down. Keep reading. You will either love it from the first chapter or learn to see the world through it by the final chapter. Many of the statements I make about my behaviour and thought processes, also of others', are intensively researched to give a scientific base to this book.

I hail from the Indian metropolitan city of Guwahati. There, I had a disciplined catholic convent school upbringing until age 16 and thereafter, lived in 3 different states of India and further after, lived, earned degrees and earned more than average salaries in three other countries (two continents). Today, I see my life as a giant logbook towards an experiment of how one can take charge of one's fate, by taking simple good decisions every day. Even the decision to write a book while being trapped in a lockdown, carrying out a home renovation on the side and keeping my full-time career on track, was a small good decision that I had to adhere to, for a while to get the finest results. But choosing to persevere each day, and not to give up, was a continual series of good decisions. My story is as much relevant for the European public as is for Indians, Far East Asians, Americans and Oceaneans (if that can ever be a word). It is relevant because I write about harnessing the power of my mind, and every one of us is equipped with one of those things. I do not provide mind game strategies or meditation techniques. I provide examples of good and bad choices. I also do not preach running after success at the cost of one’s morality, one’s friendships, one’s serenity in life. I know and have experienced that success follows the one who is serene, away from conflicts and separated from people who do not think alike.

I do not cater to every person and neither have I ever related well with every average Joe or Jane. I am sure I am not alone. So, I hope my book reaches the right people and we can take comfort in each other's life experiences. Let us remind ourselves that we do not need to worry about what anybody says. Because it turns out good for those who dare to know themselves early on in their lives. I try to prove this statement through examples from my life, others' lives and some scientific papers on Neurology and Psychiatry. 

By the way, if you become one of my loyal readers, it is because you think differently and show ambitions. This means you will encounter two types of new acquaintances. Category 1 are those who get reminded of how worse off they are in their lives and become vindictive towards us. Category 2 are who thinks, Wow! Interesting character or good to see such people or nice!. 

Please read my story as a piece of art enveloped in behavioural science, garnished in humour, sarcasm, pain, as I describe my story of self-realization. I could make it bland and factual, or I could make it informal and invite you to picture the scenes. During those days of writing seriously, for this book, I would get memories before falling asleep, in the middle of my sleep, during exercise, while conversing with people. I would then write down everything in my phone's notepad and later on include them in classified chapters here. While I was nearing the end of this book, I wanted to spin it into a book that comprises research on my statements after actually making those statements. Because I wanted to know if my observations were correctly analysed by me. It depends on the reader to find out and connect the pieces of my mind to see my story. You will either have a lot of fun and read it many times or hate it because you cannot comprehend why people should ‘run after success’. That question is also answered here, along with the right amount of research literature available out there. You will find a woman who has had a varied life before she hit 27 and yet managed to keep herself away from horrific life choices. Her rock-bottom was just having to socialize with people who cannot uplift themselves, let alone help out the ego of an ambitious mind. This book is all about achievements and being defined by them, proving these claims through scientific research of 60-80 years.

I researched various disciplines like anthropology, psychology, psychiatry, nutrition, biochemistry, neurology, human behavioural science and just books in general. That is why this book doesn’t give a tunnel vision of one way of thinking and only one way of looking at matters. 

This book is written in straightforward sentences, meant for cosying up by the fireplace. It is not written with scientific and legal terminologies instead in an informal, explanatory language. Meant as an auto-biography to begin with, this is now turning into a series of memoirs specifically on the topic of a working woman in tech. 

By February 2021, when I decided after conversing with several editors and publishers, that I would concentrate the theme of the book to be within women in tech, I made a Google search on the number of books specifically dedicated to such a genre. It was significantly minimal. I also typed the words ‘career woman’ because somehow, as a 9-year-old kid, I was mesmerized by these words and wanted to experience such a phenomenon. Google, however, was a disconsolate storehouse of pessimistic words associated with the phrase career women. Wikipedia describes a career woman as somebody who has no other motivation except to work. Sad, concerning, despondent world we live in. I cannot bring up children in a world where loving a career is seen as a negative demeanour for women. 

On many occasions, my topics of conversations where I mention my career and education, a lot, were not received well by people. Of course, that says a lot about them. While many people said that being from India encouraged me to such roles, others said I was fortunate, while others defended themselves by saying that for them, family is more important. I couldn’t understand any of them. A man never has to choose between loving a CAD software and his family? A man is never accused of running after money if he talks about his job in social settings. A man never has to slow down when he talks passionately about what he does for a living. Why should I? Why should anybody? 

My daughter will grow up in a world to which I contributed in terms of finances, technological advances and very importantly, culture. I shall write my story (in a sequence of books published one after another). The first book will contain my story about becoming an engineer and taking immense pride in what I do for 8 fixed hours, per day. This is called a career. Be mindful, it is not a job but a career. I work in the technology of the future. I am one of those people who contribute towards future technological advancements. I love my work and I cannot even for a second, think of any other career path that will make me this joyous, peaceful and truthful to my being. So, I shall write. I shall write why it is a blessing to have this life and how a 14-year-old can already prepare for this life. I shall write because I have opinions, experiences, passion and, therefore, I have a voice that I shall use. 

Chapter One. Let's get acquainted

In an ordinary semi-sunny day during June'2017, I look down from the ferry that crosses the Oslofjord from Horten in the county of Vestfold in Norway to the county of Østfold. I stand there contemplating whether or not to jump into the massive, partially frozen ocean. Some onlookers looked at me and kept an eye on me because they correctly read my facial expression and the intense look towards the sea. They read my body language as somebody beaten up by life, who gave up and can't walk anymore. At that moment, thankfully, my sense of humour kicks in, telling me, "Am I even gonna die or

just be frozen if I manage to jump?"

This is how manipulation and lies affect a person, to the extent of ripping them off their dignity entirely. No, I am not talking about romantic affair problems. I am speaking for any devastating deceitful circumstance that a person confronts. Chapter six will contain the story of this. For now, enjoy the read!

* * *

Why do people dread thirty?

I have seen some people often dread, grow weary, grow anxious and even reach a point of complete desperation once they hit thirty. It was as if they had never thought about life, existence, responsibilities or even the mere idea of how the world works beyond going to the local supermarket. Surely, one must have planned something, planned for some ambition or even may have generated some sort of life-plan? Some people do and some do not. Those who do not, they reach thirty and truly panic with this crippling fear of the future.0F¹

In this age of acceptance, superficial compassion and social justice warriors, we find numerous sources telling us that it is okay to be who we are and we do not need anybody's approval. Some stretch it far enough to say that we do not even need a job to be considered an active member of the society. Some say, we alone are not responsible for our actions but the way the society conditions us. However, throughout those years of travelling and settling in different cultural zones, I find that the educational system of any country fails those who are driven, more capable and more energetic towards new skills and knowledge. No matter which country one goes to, the educational system is based on memory and answering questions exactly as found in the book or what the teacher says so. The teachers simply do not want to spend time reading anything ‘creative’, no matter how much they oppose this statement. Because adults do not expect much from young kids. I understand them. Since 90% of the students will not go ahead and become CEOs, surgeons or top-notch lawyers statistically, it also makes sense to have an education system that will enable the average and below-average students to graduate. The consequence being a section of gifted children, thinking differently, left behind to feel unheard, unwanted and

even bullied for their unrecognized brilliance (by their peers). But life will bring them up. With adequate social skills and enthusiastic survival instincts, these gifted children can achieve anything. With a decade of being a foreigner and a survivor in different countries, while I engaged in numerous life experiences, I also learned that a higher IQ will not bring one happiness unless one also learns to adapt to their surroundings, say the right words with empathy at the right time and convey their message clearly without costing their friendships with anybody. Because all the money and intelligence in the world is valueless if one doesn't receive appreciation from one's social circle. Inadequate social behaviour has left several people feeling ineffectual, meagre and hopeless, even though they are aware of their skills. This will ultimately lead to a very low self-esteem. This I speak from experience because, the moment I learned to be social and deal with divergences of opinions (still learning more everyday), my ability to believe in myself also increased manifold because I felt likeable and hence, got included in social groups of different cultures. Of course, I stumbled across some people who did not understand my background, my skills, my ambitions and my education. It bothered me massively because my personality is one that soaks in the energy of people appreciating my warmth and witty conversation skills. Gradually I learned that one has to be up to a certain mark for themselves to appreciate the

value in others.1F²,2F³,3F4

Intelligence isn't separable from meticulousness. Meticulousity begins at a young age when a child learns to organise one's time, studies, projects, hobbies, agenda for the day, sleep, etc. Some gifted children are very good at planning their days. While many sharp minded children who aren’t great with planning and listening to advice, they're ruthless, disorganised in their learning habits and get categorized as a trouble maker, ADHD kid, naughty kid or a terrible case kid. Of course, one can change one's destiny at many pivotal moments. I did as well. Keep reading this book to see how every day is a new beginning and new opportunity to make a better tomorrow. But it was indeed a very sad transition for me to go from the image of a good kid to a bad kid. I did not have a single adult who could understand me, guide me well or even consider aligning their thoughts with mine. I see so many adults these days spending so much of their energy on kids who are on severe stages of depression, self-harm, demotivation and general lack of focus. But when I was going through that stage of finding myself, finding meaning in my studies and trying to jump back on to the horse after slipping a few times, I never received any compassion or understanding from my family or teachers. They blamed and verbally abused me to such extent that I was left with a very unhappy conscience and an image of being undeserving of any love. My eldest sibling, on many occasions mentioned that I was useless, got no value, a total slut and should die. Yes, he said that. But hey!!! I became my own mother, my own father and my own guide through that sea of teenage hormones, misguided

⁴The Social Perceptions Of The Highly Intelligent Robert J. Fossum Fort Hays State University.

opinions of others and complete loss of self on many occasions. It was a dirty muddy puddle of crud calumny that I had to revive through and therefore, I love my life today and appreciate every decision I took. My decisions have helped me come very far, very successfully. On the other hand, when I allowed others’ opinions to influence me, I was rather depressed and demotivated to fight the good fight. I was able to love myself, adore myself, keep my head above water and defy the odds of many kinds, by focusing on one matter and one matter only. A beautiful, glorious, lovable, respectful career. My career in technology. My career in engineering. My career in innovation. 

Who is this book for?

This is an auto-biographical document, hoping to reach enough people around the world. I am looking to cater to overachievers and young entrepreneurial individuals, to let them know that they simply need to hold on and never let go. Entrepreneurial (adjective) characterized by the taking of financial risks in the hope of profit; enterprising. 

Because although the road looks dark, lonely and tiresome at times, the fruits of that road are sweeter than any other. Why do I mention such a niche audience? Because I can relate to those overachieving kids at school or college, people who just know one thing in life and that is to bust some move and make things happen, people who go out and get that trophy. I am not here to give them an easy road to do those things. I am not here to dampen anybody from their goals and tell them that they are loved just as they are. I am also not here to solidify the norms that achievements are only a way to fill an endless void. No! Achievements are golden figurines in one's room of life. Achievements will be the reason you will hopefully not be divorced by 50 because you will have enough of self-esteem to wait for the right partner, to listen to your partner, resolve matters of the heart and not get hurt at every disagreement. For mothers, their personal achievements will be the reason their family will respect them even when they are in charge of all of the family’s dirty laundry (literally and figuratively). Achievements will be the reason you will wake up every morning with a good night's sleep. Now you will say, people should respect each other no matter what. It is true, theologically and from a liberalist utopian perspective. But the world isn't a campus of liberal arts college or a church sermon. I am here to explain how I managed my time, energy, dreams and ambitions, to respect myself in every single aspect, know my worth, accept nothing less and sometime in the future, if I fall, I will not fall too hard or too soon. Maybe you can find some hidden

tricks and motivation as well. Who knows?4F⁴,5F⁵,6F⁶

You know how many times in my life, have I wanted to write a book? About 10 times before this attempt. I actually wrote a book last year in 2019. But once again, the audience I wanted to cater to in that book, wasn't 100 percent relatable. I wanted to expand my audience and write for everybody but I realised it stopped my

flow. So that book never got published because I wasn't true to myself. Today I sit in my home office at 17:00 CET in Eindhoven, during the COVID-19 lockdown. It is June the 4th 2020, the day I began with this book. I hear some music from my neighbours as I write this. Life feels complete. Life feels worth it now, to write about it and share my story but also to encourage people to keep being driven, outrageous and adventurous. At times, you may be convicted of not doing enough. But trust me, that is a good thing. There is something in you that is trying to get you out of a rut. Take the bait and get convicted. Yet, this book also discusses the downside of an extremely productive and creative mind, if the flame isn’t controlled and tamed to let loose, little by little.

Another reason why I will write this book is to let you know that certain mental health issues can be preserved, salvaged and turned around. While I cannot speak for extreme cases like schizophrenia and bipolar disorders, I can speak about depression, fatigue, anxiety, crippling social anxiety, sleep disorders and anger. This book will exemplify how all of these issues can be solved by putting in your best efforts to be a better version of yourself than yesterday and putting in all the work you can today, so that you do not turn 30 and still lament about being bullied as a child. I speak of this from my perspective of living in Europe, where the words anxiety, bullying and depression are overused and at times incorrectly used to shy away from taking responsibility for one’s actions. Why read this book? This book will give you many examples of perseverance, focus, commitment and revising your

demeanour for the best version of yourself.7F⁸,8F⁹,9F⁷,10F⁸

While the book cover may call upon women, this book talks about many struggles that humanity goes through as a species because these struggles exist due to continuous adaptation throughout the changes around us. One of those struggles is our collected fealty to choose and to choose wisely for ourselves and those around us. People who learn to choose wisely from their past related experiences or through observations from the people around them, simply reach a point of reference in their personal achievement story, faster. Life is too short to make new mistakes every day and most people without a brain injury wouldn’t commit the same mistakes or very relatable ones, too often. The left hemisphere of a person’s brain already sets a record of right and wrong for one’s actions11F⁹. 

8

World Psychiatry. 2017 Feb; Reversing the downward spiral for people with severe mental illness through educational innovations. Marc de Hert & Johan Detraux. 9

Nutritional psychiatry: Towards improving mental health by what you eat.

European Neuropsychopharmacology Volume 29, Issue 12, December 2019. Roger A.H.Adan Eline M.van der Beek Jan K.Buitelaar John F.Cryan Johannes Hebebrand Suzanne Higgs Harriet Schellekens Suzanne L.Dickson.

Only conscious but educated choices are empowering

With the ability to choose, comes a voice. Most people have a voice these days. The internet has created a new democracy, the democracy of opinions and freedom of expression in a million different ways. But since the dawn of mankind, thereafter creation of settlements and soon thereafter with individual and mass enlightenment, subsequently distribution of literature, consecutively financial empowerment through exchange of labour/skill, people are enslaved. They are enslaved by their own choices of partners, friends, habits, work, studies, hobbies or lack of them all. I have now lived in 4 democratic countries (by myself, since age 16, while I collected degrees, work experiences and life skills). Each of them has its own ways of keeping the right knowledge away from their public. A lot of information that leads to good career choices, cultural understanding, historical understanding, nutritional advantage, basic information on the political parties and the citizen’s additional rights (after the right to vote and re-elect the government in power) are not very well distributed to the citizens and residents. At schools, they do teach a good amount of history, science, mathematics, but people seem to forget everything right after they can call themselves high school graduates. I do find it interesting because I remember learning many amazing concepts on how the world works, back in school and those concepts formed a basis for me to collect more knowledge through books, conversations, personal experiences. Like I mentioned earlier, with enough of survival skills, intelligence shall drizzle through a person’s actions. The neurons will work it all out. As was in my case. You will read. 

As for the topic of finding oneself and reversing certain mental health disorders, through good choices, in the previous paragraphs, you will find evidence of how I managed to tame a disturbed mind into a strong capable one by learning to manage the intricacies of my very own thought processes. I have suffered from chronic anxiety, forgetfulness, fogginess, extreme worrying, over-analysing every encounter with people, for a decade and more. My personality is such that social situations influence me and my moods, in fact. Being alone is not the problem that I face. My social encounters (since the last decade) have always been with people who never met me or are just getting to know me. All they see are my skin colour, hair, eyes, height. They do not know what this brain has been able to achieve. If you read one of my favourite books by a brain scientist called Jill Bolte Taylor, on page 106 in the book called A stroke of insight, contains stories of how people touched her life during early recovery days after a haemorrhage in the left hemisphere of her brain. Their words reinforced her willingness to try to recover her brain’s functions. She mentions at a later stage how it is a matter of willingness to train one’s brain to function in a certain manner, learn new skills or recover from a trauma. As for my story, there was a constant need to introduce myself and explain my motives, my background and myself while I lived as an expat (although tax-paying, legal resident with the official status of highly skilled migrant in my residence cards). Introducing myself again and again, made me feel hideous, horrible and most definitely disgusted of myself on several occasions. I cannot help it. I couldn’t have helped it. Because people looked at me and saw a dark-skinned skinny petite woman. They expected not much but a refugee or a flimsy girl who married a European guy for his money and when I showed prowess in my personality by revealing my education and my background, they would bring up stereotypes enveloped with weird questions that have absolutely no relation with the truth and far away from any research done by themselves on that topic. Now at the age of 28, I stand tall as a woman who has defied every biological urge to get married and have kids in her twenties. I have defied the general perception that woman cannot earn a lot of money, work in technology, be creative, be talkative, be happy and be attractive at the same time. I have defied social norms of dark-skinned women being the oppressed minority who cannot speak for themselves. Of course, I am not the