Cape Courage: Readings in Resilience

By Ava Jennings

I collected 14 women's stories that are inspiring and cover an array of traumas and troubles: childhood sexual abuse, learning disabilities, physical handicaps, economic problems, sexual challenges, rape, domestic abuse, addiction, disease, loss of a child or sister, difficult relationships, and mothering obstacles.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Mar 24, 2023
• ISBN: 9781665741415

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Copyright © 2023 Ava Jennings.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying,

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without the written permission of the author except in the case

of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author

and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of

the information contained in this book and in some cases, names

of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Archway Publishing

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of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,

and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-6657-4142-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-4141-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023905594

Archway Publishing rev. date: 03/24/2023

CONTENTS

Introduction

One Coping with Physical Illness

Tiffany Caruso

Rebecca Holt

Gayle West

Sara Short

Two Tackling Mothering Issues

Doris Gilbert

Mathil Mishalanie

Barbara Kruse

Three Confronting Toxic Relationships

Elena Durham

Ellen Mullins

Kate Russell

Diane Katz

Four Coping with Congenital Issues

Karen Mansfield

Michelle Evett

INTRODUCTION

My background has shaped how I think, dream, and live. I’ve had five careers: a social policy planner helping to set up rural clinics staffed by nurse practitioners, a media designer to introduce locals to new programs, an environmental activist, founder of the non profit, WECAN, dedicated to empowering women, and creator of the adult learner program at Cape Cod Community College.

All of these reinforced my love of learning, listening to others, seeking answers, and helping others. I realized that having someone who believed in you was essential for people to move forward.

At WECAN and at Cape Cod Community College’s Adult Learner Center, I listened to women’s stories. I walked along side many women who overcame obstacles. I was in awe of their spirit. Why was I the only one hearing their stories? What can we learn from the strength and resilience of these women in the face of overwhelming obstacles? I knew that for many, Cape Cod is a sunny beach community and these stories would deepen that view. So I decided to write a book based on their stories.

I sought stories that were inspiring and covered an array of traumas and troubles. I asked women if they would share their stories with me. Many were women I knew from WECAN- clients, staff, and volunteers. Some I found through friends and through recommendations. I had them sign an agreement. Even though all were willing to use their names, I decided to use pen names. I promised that any proceeds would go to WECAN. I cannot thank them enough for putting their trust in me.

When I told my friends I was writing this book, they often suggested that I put my story in as well. Here it is in brief: I experienced a bleed in my spinal cord in 2009 and 2010 that paralyzed me from the waist down. With months of rehab at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital, surgery to remove the faulty blood vessel, and years of physical therapy, I can walk with a walker and use a wheelchair for longer distances. The road to success is always under construction for me as well as for the women I have interviewed.

I met with each woman -often at her home- and recorded her story. They ranged in age from 26 to 71. They chose which story to tell. I requested they describe anyone or anything that was helpful and what they learned. Then I had them transcribed. I found that I was so moved by the interviews that it was difficult to edit them until quite a bit of time had passed. My final step was to find friends and a former editor to help with the final edit.

I hope my readers will be inspired by the courageous women in Cape Courage: Readings in Resilience. Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’’¹ I have collected oral histories of 13 women from Cape Cod who have struggled to overcome challenges. I have been moved by the resilience of these women. Story sharing illustrates our deep and common belonging.

I have walked along side many women who have overcome predicaments. I have been in awe of their spirit. I felt what it was like for each woman: her joys, yearnings, braveries, and sufferings. I empathized-taking their experiences and making them my own. I often felt wonder and was inspired. Empathy humanizes strangers and increases our understanding of others.

I wanted to share their stories so I could increase awareness, foster empathy, and influence behavior. Hopefully these stories will encourage other women to be resilient: if they can do it, so can others.

The location is not important; women from all over the world face the same obstacles: childhood sexual abuse, learning disabilities, physical handicaps, economic problems, sexual challenges, rape, domestic abuse, addiction, disease, loss of a child or sister, difficult relationships, and mothering obstacles. What is important is the strength, bravery, and resilience of these women.

I have collected the stories of women between the ages of 26 and 71 years. They have chosen which story to tell. I requested that they describe anyone or anything that was helpful and what they learned. I have used pen names.

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy. Optimism and determination are a big part of each of the stories and they are close to a definition of resilience: rebounding from a challenge rather than becoming a victim or overwhelmed by your problems or turning to alcohol or drugs. Imbedded in resilience is the ability to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out. Reaching out to others for support is also a key component of resilience. Some other factors that help build resilience: avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems and accept change as part of living. Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means bouncing back from difficult experiences. Research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. It is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.

I hope readers will share my wonder and be inspired when hearing the stories of these women. I have learned so much from them and hope my readers will as well.

I have organized the stories into four chapters based on how they dealt with: physical illness, toxic relationships, mothering challenges, and congenital/inherited qualities. Hopefully my readers will connect with these wonder women from Cape Cod.

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One

COPING WITH PHYSICAL ILLNESS

Physical illness can suddenly disrupt your life. The first chapter will focus on four women and how they dealt with Lyme disease, a liver transplant, a stroke, and hearing loss due to infection.

Tiffany Caruso

Tiffany ‘s story is one of amazing

spirit: she wouldn’t give up.

I was one of the first students in my high school class to get athletically pursued by college athletics. I got full scholarship offers to all over the country, but I went to U-Mass Amherst. I went to school literally naïve, and grew up really, really, really quickly as I was raped by four football players at the campus. I peg everything to that moment… I was supposed to be on the Olympic field hockey team. I walked away thinking, I don’t even know how to rebound from this. I came home and went from full scholarship athlete to busing tables at a restaurant- hitting rock bottom and thinking, "what am I going to do?

Tiffany exemplifies an example of the emotional and life consequences of rape before the metoo movement.

I retrained and I rehabbed with therapy. I ended up going back to school in Ohio. I got another full scholarship for field hockey a year and a half later. I got out there and thought ok I’m going to do this; I got my life back. And I blew my back out in the first two weeks into the season. One surgery led to two surgeries led to three surgeries. I ended up having to hang everything up with field hockey and just be in school in Ohio-away from everybody. I stuck it out and I’m glad I did because I got my degree. It took me a little longer with the back surgeries. I never played field hockey again.

I remember being out in summer school and getting what I thought was just a rash on my arm. Then it blew up to this weird big rash. I went to the walk -in center on campus, and the guy gives me Prednisone. He says, I think you have Shingles. I took the Prednisone, left and was on my way. The rash went away. I felt fine. I graduated and moved back to the Cape, thinking, I got through school. I got through all these things. My life’s going to start. I had a job at a kitchen and bath design showroom on the Cape and within the first three months I started to just not feel well. I had these weird symptoms…and people would say to me, Oh it’s stress. All of a sudden I had about six urinary tract infections in a row. I had an outbreak of mouth sores. I had muscle weakness, fatigue, and a lot of nausea. I’m thinking, What is going on with me? Maybe it’s just an emotional thing. They diagnosed me with everything from lupus to rheumatoid arthritis.

After the first of the year, I thought, this has just got to be mental. Something is off, but I didn’t feel right. I tried to self-defeat it- mentally; I refuse to be sick. So I threw all the pills away and I said, I’m just going to battle this thing.

Tiffany shows her determination to do it on her own; throwing prescription drugs away is quite uncommon.

I started walking that summer. And I got a lot of weakness and fatigue. Like I said, I was a division 1 athlete. My coach had recruited me by saying I would love to have you play on the Olympic team with me. To go out from running to struggling to walk, was like what the heck is going on here? I started to just push myself more, thinking: it just has to be that I’m out of shape. I was barely even making it a couple miles after work. Then it was down to one mile, half a mile. Something is just not right here. By that fall, I couldn’t walk. My legs gave out. I could not walk.

I ended up going to Boston, UMass Medical, and they were stumped. We have no idea. We don’t know. Let’s readdress lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia….No, no, no. Maybe you have a conversion disorder because you had that rape. Maybe you suppressed it emotionally and it’s coming out in a physical sense. So I thought, ok, everything else is coming back negative. I did have one test that came back equivocal which was my first Lyme disease test. I remember my mother really being my best advocate, her and my dad- and her saying -that test- maybe we should address that more. And they said, ‘No. It’s equivocal. That means it’s negative. Then it went to: You could have ALS. You could have Lou Gehrig’s, MS, and Parkinson’s. I’m 24 probably at this time and I’m thinking Gees, there’s conversion disorder still on the table, a dopamine deficiency on the table, all these things. I said to the doctors: Well if it’s the conversion disorder then put me in therapy. Let’s sort through everything. I want my life back. All my friends are out working, having the time of their lives and I’m stuck in bed.

Tiffany shows her determination despite the confusion from her doctors.

So I saw a therapist for 6 months dealing with a conversion disorder. At this point what was happening was my symptoms were going from not being able to walk to muscle spasms. They started about 20 min and they would just be like a seizure. They were getting worse and worse. Probably the longest one I ever had documented was 26 hours long -a muscle