Sally and Alliwicious...: Sally the Loner, #5

By Alexie Linn

Her eyes narrowed. Her forehead creased. She pirouetted, scanning her surrounds. "Who's here? Why are you gaslighting me?"

"Alliwicious? Was that you? Did you talk?" Sally gawked at her life-size old man doll with her mouth gaping.

"Yes, I did. And you better close your mouth before a grasshopper leaps in."

Alliwicious chuckled. "He said you would not believe it. But it is true, Sally old girl. I am your personal AI.  And I prefer the name 'Rodney' if you do not mind…"

**

Sally is confident she can drag the little old trailer 1800 miles to provide emergency shelter for cousin April. In February.

After all… the escapade is not this spunky 87 year old's first rodeo.

She assures niece Joany that Alliwicious, Sally's full-size man-doll, riding shotgun will keep the boogey-men at bay.

**

Bobby is confident his surprise installation of Artificial Intelligence into Alliwicious will please Gram Sally. But he didn't have time to educate her about AI. Or about her new and improved man-doll named Alliwicious.

 

What could go possibly wrong?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Alexie Linn
• Release date: Mar 12, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215891698

Alexie Linn

Alexie Linn was born and raised in the 'mild' Pacific Northwest -- where the snow drifts are never higher than the barn roofs.  Her first year of married life was lived in Alaska, in a tent and a homesteader's cabin -- where she got closely acquainted with sourdough and beans.  She escaped to the desert southwest, became a widow, and life then began. Alexie is a papered Life Coach, Nutritional Therapist, and Counselor with a vivid -- sometimes outrageous imagination. She's also a slave to Joan Freed, the rebel life coach who, somehow, manages to come out on top of her mysterious and chaotic adventures.

Book preview

Prologue

Sally stiffened. Her eyes darted from pillar to post, Who’s here? Why are you gaslighting me?

Aliwicius? Was that you? You can talk? Sally gaped at her life-size old man doll. Her mouth open.

Yes, I can. And you better close your mouth before a grasshopper whooshes in.

Aliwicius chuckled. "He said you wouldn’t believe it. But it’s true, Sally old girl. I am your personal AI.  And I prefer the name ‘Rodney’ if you don’t mind."

Chapter 1 – The Problem

W hoever’s spoofing me... Stop it right now! I don’t have time for this! Sally straightened the doll on the bench with a firm hand. She placed one leg over the other and stepped back for a look.

Yes. From a distance you’ll look real enough. Then she ignored Aliwicius, the man doll/security guy. She continued to sort and load the van for her unplanned journey.

It’s February. Too soon to be traveling to points north. The mountain passes between Arizona and Washington can be hairy, to say the least.

Sally moved to Arizona because she was sick of what northern winters demanded:

Courage

Heat. Much heat!

Nerves of steel

More heat

She shook her head, forcing the upcoming expedition to the back of her head. Cousin April is stuck in the muck. I have to do this. And I will. It’s not the first time I’ve played slip and slide on four wheels. But I surely hope it’s the last.

It all began yesterday. Sally received a cry for help from cousin April Showers up in Washington. Washington the State. Not Washington, DC.

But it really wasn’t a cry for help. Because April is as independent and proud as Sally. She wants to owe no one. This impromptu mission started out with Sally and April’s weekly phone conversation.

April is giving a report on the damage they’d sustained in the recent horrific wind storm. One of mom’s old elm trees toppled onto the house. It made our 137-year-old house unlivable until major repairs can be made.

April gulped tears, We can’t fix the house until spring. We’ve crammed all the standing buildings with what we could save from the house. Even if we could find other shelter, we can’t leave the property unattended because of the looters.

Sally was silent while April calmed herself. We’re camping out in the van until we find an RV. With two adults and two pooches, it’s like living in a sardine can.

Sally interrupted, Wait! Do you have a line on a suitable RV?

April grabbed a breath. Not yet. There’s too many of us in the same boat. Even a new one is impossible.

Let me make some phone calls, April. Think calm. I’ll call you back.

Chapter 2 – The Fix

Now Sally is loading up.

Joany, Sally’s rebel life coach niece, has donated the old forest service trailer to the cause. It’s not fancy. But it has a bed, heat, a place to cook, a dining nook, a leakless roof, windows, and a door. It will work as temporary digs.

The only downside is that it weighs a ton. And it’s needed 1800 miles away. Three days’ travel if everything goes right.

Bobby had returned Aliwicius the day before, as well. He’d been using him for some electronic experiment a 12-year-old boy would take on. But Aliwicius is all fabric and stuffing. Nothing about him even hints at electronic. Unless you count the sparks from rubbing his stuffed pantyhose legs.

In case you missed the memo, Bobby is Sally’s grandson by choice. His real grandma is in the Alzheimer’s Care Center in Phoenix. Sally and Bobby have become inseparable after their great escape from the center. But Bobby’s mom will not allow him to ride this one out with Sally.

Sally the Loner is making this journey almost alone. Against Bobby and niece Joany’s wishes.

Aliwicius can ride shotgun, she told them both. He looks like an old man that’s traveling with me. Nobody will fuss with me.

Joan sighed. I know you are doing this, Aunty. But I really wish you wouldn’t. I can go with you next week.

I’ll be back by the time you can leave. April needs help now. I’m going now. It’s that simple. Please check on my place. I don’t have time to button everything up.

Joan growled. Well then you call or text every morning and every night! If I don’t hear from you, I’ll set the cops on you for sure. I won’t wait.

Yeah, yeah. I got it. Never mind that I’ve been doing this forever... all by myself. And I do appreciate your concern, Joany. No matter what I growl at you. I’ll keep in touch.

The naysayers controlled; Sally ended the call. And checked for miscellaneous items she might have missed, like a fire extinguisher. As if she’ll need it in February.

Aliwicius is all she has left to load. She picked him up, being sure his star-studded Nike High-tops don’t slip off.

Hey! Go easy on me, old woman! I’m fragile, an adolescent tenor voice said.

Shut up, old man. I know you can’t talk. Whoever’s lampooning me can stop. And stop calling me old woman!

She crammed him into the passenger seat. Securing his great long legs to go over the top of the bag of trash bags and the extra butane bottles.

Don’t I even get my feet flat on the floor? This is very uncomfortable, he whined.

Deal with it. We got places to go in a hurry. She admonished the voice.

One more trek around her desert igloo and into the van she climbed. The 1940’s era, heavyweight camouflaged RV was already hooked on. She is ready to roll.

It’s 10 AM. Not her usual departure time. But this is not her usual journey. Neither is it her usual departure time of year. She shivered, anticipating what she is surely driving into.

They call it the mild Pacific Northwest. Mild compared to what? The north pole? She laughed at her own joke, glancing sideways at Aliwicius. Too bad you can’t laugh at my silly jokes.

She thought she heard a chuckle.

Headed down the lane to the road she thought she heard, ‘Two dips’ before she rolled through two dips. Then, ‘Turn right’ near the end of the lane. She turned left.

‘You turned the wrong way. Go back.’

Sally slammed on the brakes and grabbed Aliwicius’ soft arm. Hey, Aliwicius! Enough is enough! It’s my van... my journey... I choose the route. She laughed. But it was rather interesting that you warned me of those two dips in the lane before I plunged through them. They’ve only been there since the last monsoon deluge.

She took her foot off the brake and started moving again. "Okay, then. Whoever’s playing spook with me, I’ll allow you to amuse yourself. You are kind of fun. It will make the pilgrimage seem faster.

But I choose the music. I hope you like bluegrass. And if you’re still talking to me when we get on the freeway, you’ll have some explaining to do."

Near the end of the dirt road that leads to Sally’s igloo, the youthful tenor said, "Turn right. And I told you I prefer to be called ‘Rodney’."

Sally turned left.

You turned the wrong way! Go back!

Rodney sighed. You can fix it. Turn left at the stop sign.

Sally turned right. Did you miss the memo, Aliwicius... Rodney... whoever you are? My van. My route. I’ll tell you when I need help navigating.

This goes to California. You hate California.

"You’re right. But it also goes to the coast. Less mountain passes to creep over. More snow and ice-free pavement – because of the gazillions of cars racing from pillar to post.

And how do you know I hate California?"

We’ll talk when we get on the 8.

A mere four miles ahead, Sally pulled onto the 8, west bound. The sign read ‘San Diego 325 miles’.

Okay, Rodney. We’ll be here a while. Explain. Why are you, a 6’ doll, talking to me?

He tee-heed. Because I, Sally dear, am your personal AI assistant.

What’s an AI? Assistant? Do I need an assistant?

Chapter 3 – An AI Assistant?

"A I is short for Artificial Intelligence. You made my body. Bobby gave me a brain. He programmed me to respond to and fill-in your intellectual needs.

I can’t be your dance partner unless you lash my feet to yours. But I can talk, navigate, sing with you, and be your sounding board.

Bobby said that since he couldn’t come with you, I could keep you moving in the right direction." He sighed like he was shaking his head.

That youngster loves you sooo much...

How did he know I’d be making this journey alone? I didn’t find out until yesterday.

Rodney chuckled. He’s been working on me for a while. This is all coincidence. Or providence if you prefer.

Sally giggled. Goose bumps made her shiver. That boy! I’d be lost, literally, without him.

"That’s what he said about you. I know all about your history with the lad.

So, Sally. If you’ll tell me where we’re headed, I may be able to be your guide. Think of me as a 6’ cell phone with Google at the ready."

Sally nodded. "Okay. If you want a test run...

We’ll go north on 85 at Gila Bend. Then west to I-5 in California. We’ll stay on I-5 clean up to Whatcom County.

The best help you can be is keep me updated. Tell me about