Fathers True: Stories of Commitment, Courage, Honor, Love and Strength

By Chuck Mansfield

When the author’s son John suggested he write a book about fatherhood, he thought, with all the books on fatherhood, who needs another? He concluded, “Perhaps I do.” While the book is indeed about fatherhood and fathers, it also tells of other fitting paternal exemplars – father figures – who may not have had children of their own but nonetheless have or had the right stuff as men and mentors. A
central tenet herein is that good strong fathers are essential to the character building and moral fiber of our young and the very fabric and future of our currently downward-spiraling society. One reviewer writes, “…the testimonials describing the influence for good one person can have over another, be he parent, son, friend, teacher, comrade, barber, sports coach, or even our children are remarkable. The vignettes sometimes evoke amusement, sometimes tears, but lift the spirit and stay in the memory.”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9781669863823

Chuck Mansfield

For thirty-years Mary Ann Mansfield contributed to mathematics education as an innovator, motivator and instructor of both children and colleagues. The recipient of numerous awards, she currently co-chairs the Working Group of the Museum of Mathematics (MOMATH) and serves on its Advisory Council, as well as authoring solutions and problems for math tournaments. Chuck Mansfield graduated from Chaminade High School (Mineola, N.Y.) in 1962 and the College of the Holy Cross in 1966. Upon graduation, he was commissioned an officer in the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve, subsequently assigned to Vietnam and served as a platoon commander. Later, he received an M.B.A. from New York University. Since 1999, he has served as a director/trustee of the mutual funds of Federated Hermes, Inc., a $585-billion Pittsburgh-based complex listed on the New York Stock Exchange. The couple has been married for 53 years and resides in Stuart, Fl., and Westhampton Beach, N.Y.

Book preview

CONTENTS

Preface

Dedication

Other Writings By Chuck Mansfield

Acknowledgements

Charles Francis Mansfield

Lawrence Jules Charrot

Joseph F. Mansfield, Sr.

Wilton Morris

John G. Pinto

By John J. Pinto

Michael Paulino, The Great Barber

I Think Of My Dad Daily

By James C. Norwood, Jr.

Martin J. O’hagan

By Martin J. O’hagan, Jr.

My Most Unforgettable Character: My Father

By Tom Kiley

No Greater Human And The Bright Gleam Of Honor

Albert M. Groh II

Coach Joe Thomas: Exhortations To Excellence

In Praise Of Charlie Mcguckin

By Tom Kiley

My Close Encounter Of The Coach Flynn Kind

C.b. Locasto, M.D.

Redemption Named Charlie

By Mary Ann Mansfield

The Alligator Belt

By B.L. Healy

St. Joseph: A Peripatetic Paternal Icon

By Mary Ann Mansfield

John E. Wehrum, Jr., Esq.

Dennis C. Golden, Ed.D.

W. Rogers Hunt, Jr.

Francis J. Teague, Esq.

Reverend Charles J. Dunn, S.J.

I Fell 15,000 Feet And Lived

By Cliff J. Judkins

Joseph P. Altman, Jr., Esq.

George R. Sullivan

Joseph A. Manganello, Jr.

P. Henry Mueller, A Leading Innovator And Thinker

Hallock W. Culver, American Hero

Jack Lenz – In Memoriam

Lee C. Alexander

Ode To Dad, My Father, My Friend

By Chas Mansfield

A Son’s Tribute To His Father

By John Mansfield

A Prayer For Dad On His Birthday

By Katie Mansfield

John F. Donahue, World Commander

A Eulogy For Charlie Morin

By Charles H. Morin, Jr., Esq.

Servant Leadership

By Stephen F. Auth

Rear Admiral Paul T. Gillcrist, USN (Ret.)

My Father, Captain Jim

By Jack Stillwaggon

Your Missing Granddad

By Robert P. Meikle

General Peter Pace, USMC (Ret.)

My Boy

By General John F. Kelly, USMC (Ret.)

Fatherhood: Easy To Do (At First)

By S. Ross Green

Alexander G. Hesterberg, Jr. On Family, Business And Life

By Alexander G. Hesterberg III

Kenneth G. Merkel

G. Michael Hostage

A Father’s Love…A Son’s Remembrance

By Brian Maher

The Bane And The Pain Of Bain D. Slack

Kevin, My Son: A Father’s Perspective

By Chas Mansfield

Here And Now: In His Own Words

By Kevin Sean Mansfield Assisted By His Dad

Kevin R. Loughlin, M.D., M.B.A.

Alex And Jean Trebek Receive Fordham Founder’s Award

By Tom Stoelker

Crisis And The Five Fs

The Passing Of Renzie Lamb

By Maud S. Mandel

Things That Paid Off For Me In My Life

Of Thug Code, Toxic Masculinity, Progressive Das And George Soros

Final Thoughts

The Parable Of The Prodigal Son

Luke 15:11-32

Epilogue

About The Author

Pater noster, qui es in caelis,

sanctificetur nomen tuum.

Adveniat regnum tuum.

Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra.

Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie,

et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut

et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.

Et ne nos inducas in tentationem,

sed libera nos a malo.

Amen.

PREFACE

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

— Mark Twain

There are likely countless books on fatherhood, so who needs another one? Perhaps I do.

The provenance of this work actually comes from my son John, whose fine writing appears later herein. In 2020 he wrote and read to a large international Zoom audience a moving tribute to yours truly on the occasion of my 75th birthday. Subsequently, its beauty was the impetus for my decision to publish it in the manuscript on which I was then working, WESTHAMPTON: Golden Days and Memories for a Lifetime. As she always does, my wife Mame held me to my own ground rules. In other words, every story in the Westhampton book has a connection with Westhampton. Alas, John’s tribute did not. When I told him that his piece would not be published in that book after all, he said without hesitation, Well, then, you’ll just have to write a book about fatherhood. Et voilà!

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Figuring that there was always a risk I might learn something, and as a student of Greek and Latin in both high school and college, I began this effort by researching symbols of fatherhood. According to www.google.com, As father symbols go, the eagle is sacred to the father gods Zeus and Jupiter. In myth and many cultures the eagle carries fatherly meanings such as virility, clarity, focus, power, dependability and virtue. In Native American wisdom the eagle is often synonymous with the Thunderbird, which is also a father figure. I decided against using the eagle-Thunderbird myths despite their valid fatherly meanings in favor of the two images I chose subsequently.

The image on this book’s cover, Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam from the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, is one of the most famous art works in the world and shows the hand of God the Father touching the hand of Adam, the first man. Another paternal symbol, the Celtic fatherhood knot, appears on the title page and is also interspersed in miniature throughout the text. With its Christian and Irish roots, the symbol would be invoked by the ancient Celts for strength and inner wisdom in trying times. With no beginning and no end, the knot represents unity and eternal spiritual life, whether this means loyalty, faith, friendship or love. I chose it because I believe it aptly applies to many of the fathers and other men portrayed herein.

I shall get up and go to my father.

— Luke 15:18

Once wildly popular and now disgraced American actor and comedian Bill Cosby wrote a book entitled FATHERHOOD, which was published in 1986. According to www.amazon.com, Bill Cosby makes fatherhood come alive. He takes us on a comedic yet insightful journey through the awesome shifting sands of parenthood. Though this volume is titled Fatherhood, its effect will be to strengthen the entire family. Still, I believe there has been a more recent evolution in the philosophy of fatherhood in the U.S.

In 2015 Lawrence R. Samuel published AMERICAN FATHERHOOD: A Cultural History. Again according to www.amazon.com, "By tracing the story of fatherhood in the United States over the course of the last half-century, American Fatherhood reveals key insights that add to our understanding of American culture. The book argues that, for most of the twentieth century, male parents were urged to embrace the values and techniques of motherhood. In recent years, however, fathers have rejected this model in place of one that affirms and even celebrates their maleness and their relationships with their children. After decades of attempting to adopt the parenting styles of women, in other words, men have finally forged a form of child-raising that is truer to themselves. In short, fatherhood has become a means of asserting, rather than denying or suppressing, masculinity—an original and counterintuitive argument that makes us rethink the idea and practice of being a dad today." I believe this book’s premise tracks well with Mr. Samuel’s take on fatherhood. To be sure, good strong fathers are essential to the character-building and moral fiber of our young and the very fabric and future of our currently downward-spiraling society.

Let me say for now that we knew once the Creation was broken, true fathering would be much more lacking than mothering. Don’t misunderstand me, both are needed – but an emphasis on fathering is necessary because of the enormity of its absence.

— Wm. Paul Young

in The Shack

Www.liveabout.com tells us that Statistics show that women-only households are more likely to live below the poverty line. In 2016, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that these types of families increased to 28 percent. This leaves children vulnerable to a variety of social hardships throughout their lives.

Www.fathers.com states that More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father. Millions more have dads who are physically present, but emotionally absent. If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be an epidemic worthy of attention as a national emergency. Furthermore, In short, fatherlessness is associated with almost every societal ill facing our country’s children.

The stability of the two-parent family, the primacy of faith and the cohesion of a wider community not only conferred an order on people’s lives but established a larger sovereignty of truth on them. Loving but firm parental leadership, the eternal verities of religion, the obligations to a wider social unit of shared values imposed a structure of epistemic guardrails.

— Gerard Baker

According to www.theblackwallsttimes.com and the data center of www.kidscount.org, research shows that in 2015 66% or 6,333,000 African-American kids were parented by a single parent. In this connection, African-American motivational speaker and author of the soul-stirring, life-changing story of her life growing up without a father, Dear Dad, It’s Me, Markeida L. Johnson writes, Both parents play significant roles in the growth and development of their children. When both parents are well rounded with the minimum conflict between them, children tend to do better on many outcomes such as fewer emotional issues, fewer behavior problems, better health conditions, and better economic households.

How can they pass on to their children a nation as strong and free as the one they inherited from their forefathers?

– From And the Fair Land in

The Wall Street Journal annually

since 1961 on the day before

Thanksgiving Day in the U.S.A.

Although a father’s nurturing may often involve playful roughhousing and silly jokes, his influence is serious and substantial, for the presence of a loving father greatly increases a child’s likelihood of success, confidence, resilience, physical, mental and spiritual well-being, and, yes, his or her sense of humor. According to www.fatherhood.gov, Research shows that a loving and nurturing father improves outcomes for children, families, and communities. Fathers who live with their children are often more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children. Even if you do not reside in the same home as your children, you can still play an active role in their lives and form a close bond. [Here I am smilingly reminded of the 1993 film Mrs. Doubtfire, starring Robin Williams, in which a recently divorced actor dresses up as a female housekeeper in order to interact with his children.] Studies suggest that children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors including drug use, missing school, and criminal activity.

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

— Frederick Douglass

I have already written fairly extensively about my father and maternal grandfather, as well as Mame’s father. (I didn’t know my Dad’s Dad, for he died prematurely.) I have also decided to include herein material about father figures, that is, men to whom I’m not related, such as my barber Mike Paulino, Coaches Joe Thomas, Charlie McGuckin and Ed Flynn, as well as Father Charlie Dunn, S.J. Accordingly, I believe that the concept of fatherhood may be extended beyond that of our biological fathers. After all, our teachers, coaches, mentors and others have in many ways, wittingly or unwittingly, nurtured us. For example, in addition to those men aforementioned, a top executive at Citibank – Hank Mueller – for whom I once worked, was an enormous positive influence on me and my career, as well as a World War II Marine Corps officer. Thus, this book is indeed about fatherhood and fathers but it will also tell of other fitting paternal exemplars – father figures – who may not have had children of their own but nonetheless have or had the right stuff as men and mentors. Confucius has called them men of worth whom we should think of equaling. Other men cited in this work have done extraordinary things, often before they became fathers, but the touchstones of commitment, courage, honor, love and strength still applied.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ... Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.

— Edmund Burke

Many of the fathers whose stories are told herein and some of those fathers who have written about them also share a history of honorable military service to our great nation and Canada. Nineteen served in the U.S. Army (one in World War I, eleven in World War II and seven later), and four in the U.S. Navy (one in WW II, one in the Korean War, one in the Vietnam War and a fourth in the Vietnam era). No fewer than fourteen served in the U.S. Marine Corps (two in World War II, nine in the Vietnam War, two others in the Vietnam era and one in Iraq and Afghanistan). Another served in the Canadian armed forces during WW II, and still another in the U.S. Air National Guard post-WW II. To be sure, paternity and patriotism are clearly not mutually exclusive.

Sadly, most of the men profiled herein are now deceased. Happily, their lives and legacies remain exemplary treasures for us all. For anyone who may wonder about the order of presentation, their individual stories appear approximately chronologically according to my experience.

I hope that readers will take the time to ponder what their own fathers have meant to them, and the way we are shaping or have already shaped, and now should be enjoying, our own children. As the father of three and the grandfather of four, two of whom were married in 2022, I may be on the threshold of great-grandfatherhood. Repeat the sounding joy!

Moreover, I hope that readers will find the stories herein interesting and entertaining.

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If there is any immortality to be had among us human beings, it is certainly only in the love that we leave behind. Fathers like mine don’t ever die.

— Leo Buscaglia

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For my father and maternal grandfather, the only one I knew, and all

those fathers who have done their utmost to protect, provide for and

inspire their children, as well as for those father figures, such as

teachers, coaches and mentors, who have given so much to all

of us who have looked to them for guidance and wisdom.

The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.

— George Santayana

That child’s been gone a long time now, but not in parents’ eyes.

— John Mansfield

OTHER WRITINGS BY

CHUCK MANSFIELD

Books

NO KIDS, NO MONEY AND A CHEVY: A

Politically Incorrect Memoir (2003)

BITS AND PIECES: Stories to Soothe the Soul or Raise the Hackles (2017)

VIETNAM: Remembrances of a War (2018)

LEADERSHIP: In Action, Thought and Word (2019)

WESTHAMPTON: Golden Days and Memories for a Lifetime (2022)

With Mary Ann Mansfield

KEVIN COURAGEOUS: A Journey of Faith, Hope and Love (2020)

With Tom Kiley

THE PERFECT SEASON: The Untold Story of Chaminade High School’s

First Undefeated and Untied Varsity Football Team (2021)

Poems

For Bobby Jenkins

For Mavis at Fourscore and Fifteen

Ode to Chaminade, Cornerstone and Classic

Ode to Joy, Also Known As Mame

Ode to the World of Light

The Real Problem: You?

Time Cannot Kill

Vietnam Valentine: Reflections on Leaving You and Coming Home

Articles, Essays, Letters and Thesis

A Comment on Al Gore

A Few Choice Words about Jimmy Breslin

A Footnote on the Simpson-Bowles Commission

A Letter to a Fellow Marine

A Letter to a Liberal

A Letter to a Misguided Classmate

A Letter to a Very Young Chaminade Alumnus

A Letter to Another Very Young Chaminade Alumnus

A Letter to My Holy Cross Classmates

A Letter to the Chief Justice

A Letter to the Not-So-Holy College of the Holy Cross

American Culture in Extremis

A Message to a Friend in Doubt

A Message to the Mother of a Fine Young Student-Athlete

An Approach to Evaluating Foreign Bank Credit Risk

Another Obama-Generated Disgrace

Another Vote for Export Trading Firms

Biography of G. Michael Hostage

Captain Cancer

Connection: The Mansfields

Contemporary Commercial Bank Credit Policy:

Economic Rationale and Ramifications

Credit Policy and Risk Acceptability for International Financial Institutions

Do You Know the Mustard Man?

Fail to the Chief

Fannie and Freddie’s Chickens Come Home to Roost

Farewell to Federated

Fidel in Hell: A Message for Pope Francis

First Lieutenant Ronald Winchester, USMC

Frank Teague, Marine

Giving the Best Its Due

Hail, Erin, Full of Grace: Epic Erin and the Book of Job

How I Came to Know and Love the iPad

In Memory of John F. Donahue

It Wasn’t Mere Flaw That Led to Tragedy

Joe Altman: A Reflection

Leadership by the Left

Legislators and Regulators Failed in 2007

Lessons from a Legend

Letters of Credit: Promises to Keep

Lines Written in Early Spring

Marines as Extremists

My Fellow Marines React to Trump Election Victory

Of Valor, Victory, Virtue and Vietnam

On Tom Brokaw and Vietnam Veterans

Please Go Home, Ms. Tierney

Roman Catholicism and Socialism

Stuprate Mesopotamiam

Systemic Racism is a Myth

The Function of Credit Analysis in a U.S. Commercial Bank

The GCGC

The Kaepernick Caper

The Rise, Fall and Rise (?) of a Middle-Aged Executive

Too Many Hats

Vietnam Memory: Acts of Good Faith

Vocations: Our Urgent Need

What Does the Tết Offensive Have to Teach Us 40 Years Later?

When Perception is NOT Reality

You People are Disgraceful

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The author’s gratitude is owed and offered to the following, whose willingness to share their writings and/or otherwise help in the production of this work is deeply appreciated.

A Soldier’s Grave

Peter Accardi

Colonel Joseph H.

    Alexander,

    USMC (Ret.)

American Handgunner

Stephen F. Auth

Robert L. Bachman

Robert Baer

Gerard Baker

Brother Stephen

    V. Balletta, S.M.

Honoré de Balzac

William J. Basel

Henry Ward Beecher

Francis X. Biasi

Lieutenant General

    Arthur C. Blades,

    USMC (Ret.)

Albert Bliss

Book of Job

Book of Sirach

James Brady

Briarcliff Daily Voice

Tony Brinker

Pam Brown

Edmund Burke

Leo Buscaglia

Claire Campbell

Joseph Campbell

Sarah Campbell

Jonathan Capehart

Aidan Cappellino

Chaminade High School

Chaminade News

General Leonard F.

    Chapman,

    USMC (Ret.)

Teilhard de Chardin

Anne Elizabeth Mary

    Charrot

Edward J. Christie, Jr.

Frank A. Clark

Brother Thomas J. Cleary,

    S.M.

Rich Cohen

College of the Holy Cross

Raymond F. Condon

Thomas G. Condon

Confucius

1 Corinthians

Bill Cosby

John Woodrow Cox

Thomas J. Craughwell

Crimson and Gold

Ian Morgan Cron

Walter Cronkite

Crossing Brooklyn Ferry

D. Myles Cullen

Thomas D’Antonio

Victor Devlin

Dispatches

J. Christopher Donahue

John F. Donahue

Frederick Douglass

Brad Dress

Reverend Charles J.

    Dunn, S.J.

Umberto Eco

Brother George E.

    Endres, S.M.

Euripides

Express News Group

Edward M. Finegan

Ted Fiorito

Flight

Following Ho Chi Minh:

    Memoirs of a North

    Vietnamese Colonel

Honorable James Forrestal

Foucault’s Pendulum

Anne Frank

Benjamin Franklin

David Freeman

Golden Nuggets: Wisdom

    from Above and Below

    the Heavens

Dennis C. Golden, Ed.D.

Gospel of John

Gospel of Luke

Susan Gough

Kenneth Grahame

John Green

S. Ross Green

Albert M. Groh

Franz Xaver Gruber

Colonel Ellen K. Katie

    Haddock, USMC (Ret.)

Hamlet

Blaine Harden

Brother Richard H.

    Hartz, S.M.

Bernice L. Healy

Lafcadio Hearn

Layne Heath

Daniel Henninger

Henry V

Michael Herr

Alexander G.

    Hesterberg, Jr.

Alexander G.

    Hesterberg III

Holy Cross Magazine

Herbert Hoover

John Horvat II

G. Michael Hostage

W. Rogers Hunt, Jr.

Howard W. Hunter

Mort Hyman

Illustrated to the

    Testament

Iwo Jima: Legacy of Valor

Alan Jackson

Linda Giarraputo Jeans

Thomas Jefferson

Markeida L. Johnson

S.A. Jones

Cliff J. Judkins

Meike Kaan

Clarence Budington

    Kelland

General John F. Kelly,

    USMC (Ret.)

Karen Kelly

Sean Kennedy

Barbara Ramsey Kiley

Thomas P. Kiley, Jr.

Edward Kosner

Guy LaCognata

Nicole LaRosa

Honorable Kenneth P.

    LaValle

John R. Lenz

Le Père Goriot

Daniel J. Linke

Vince Lombardi

Love and Living

William J. Luti

Peter E. Madden

Brian Maher

Maud S. Mandel

Louise Manganello

Laura Mann

Charles F. Mansfield

Charles F. Mansfield III

John C. Mansfield

Kathryn M. Mansfield

Kevin Sean Mansfield

Mary Ann Mansfield

Mary Molly Mansfield

Megan Mansfield

Michael L. Mansfield

David Maraniss

Frederick Marcham

Marine Corps Aviation

Marine Corps Gazette

Marilyn Marks

Deanna Marley

John Marquand

John Moe McCormick

Mary McGuckin

Joseph M. McShane, S.J.

Elizabeth Puff Meikle

Robert P. Meikle

Thomas Merton

Clifford F. Molloy

Ralph Moody

Charles H.

    Morin, Jr., Esq.

Theresa Morra

Lance Morrow

Charles A. Murray

My Heart Leaps Up

Julia Nand

National Park Service

Newsday

Gregory Norbert, OSB

James C. Norwood, Jr.

Arthur O’Brien

Jim O’Neill

Bill O’Reilly

General Peter

    Pace, USMC, (Ret.)

Dominic Papagno

Ben Paulino

Mary Jeanne Peters

Rosina Petrillo

Q.X. Pham

Patricia Mansfield Phelan

Anna Lam Pilloton

Elizabeth Pinto

John J. Pinto

Meg Pinto

Frank Pittman

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Princeton Alumni Weekly

Princeton University

Dick Quinn

Joe Raposo

Tom Rettig

Joe Rosenthal

Bill D. Ross

Saint John Paul II

Lawrence R. Samuel

George Santayana

Jan Scruggs

William Shakespeare

Melissa Shaw

Brigadier General E.H.

    Simmons, USMC (Ret.)

Bain D. Slack

Sly & the Family Stone

Marshal Smith

George Soros

Ben Stein

Jeanne C. Stein

Jack Stillwaggon

Tom Stoelker

Brian Strauss

Bill Sutton

TARMAC

Francis J. Teague, Esq.

Philip Terzian

The American Society for

    the Defense of

    Tradition, Family

    and Property

The Battle History of the

    U.S. Marines

The Boston Globe

The Christian Family in

    the Modern World, 25

The Coldest War

The Hill

The Honorable Tom Cotton

The New York Post

The Older I Get

The Suffolk Times

The Wall Street Journal

The Washington Post

This Saint’s for You

Times Review Media

Colonel Bui Tin, NVA

Brett C. Tomlinson

Mark Twain

U.S. Conference of   

    Catholic Bishops

U.S. Marine Corps

    Communication

    Directorate New York

Jim Valvano

General Alexander

    Archer Vandegrift,

    USMC (Ret.)

Isabel Vincent

General Lewis F. Walt,

    USMC (Ret.)

Joe Werkmeister

When Pride Still

    Mattered:

    A Life of Vince

    Lombardi

Walt Whitman

Williams College

William Wordsworth

Sir Christopher Wren

www.amazon.com

www.blackfive.net

www.clipart.com

www.fatherhood.gov

www.fathers.com

www.google.com

www.health.facty.com

www.history.com

www.houseofnames.com

www.iotwreport.com

www.italyguides.it

www.jcs.mil

www.kidscount.org

www.legacy.com

www.liveabout.com

www.middlebury.com

www.msn.com

www.nps.gov

www.pixabay.com

www.scrapbook.com

www.thewallsttimes.com

www.turtlebunbury.com

www.urbandictionary.com

www.usccb.org

www.verywellmind.com

www.wikipedia.com

Wm. Paul Young

Here I also express my deep gratitude to and for my wife Mame, who has not only contributed two excellent chapters and many fine photographs to this work but also served with candor, dedication, distinction and selflessness as my co-editor. Her brilliance, energy, knowledge and talent are amazing, and I am blessed to have her in my life and work. To her the beautiful words of Thomas Merton in Love and Living aptly apply: Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.

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CHARLES FRANCIS MANSFIELD

If any of you ever visit my grave, you’re out of your goddam minds.

— Charlie Mansfield

October 9, 1980

My father was a man’s man and an excellent role model. He was born on October 26, 1921, and passed away on July 26, 1999. I still miss him.

The following biographical piece about him initially appeared in my first book, NO KIDS, NO MONEY AND A CHEVY: A Politically Incorrect Memoir, which was published in 2003. It has been modified somewhat with the addition of new material.

Thank you for everything, Dad.

Make no mistake; my father was an original. I have always admired him for what he accomplished. His parents were Charles F. Mansfield and Anna Lowndes, whose surname was common in London, England, which I happened to notice when I lived there in the late 1970s. (The origin of the Mansfield surname is discussed below.)

Born in Manhattan, raised in the Bronx and later a resident of Brooklyn where the first four of his and my Mom’s six kids were born, Dad graduated from Brooklyn Prep, had his Fordham University education interrupted by World War II Army Air Corps service in the South Pacific campaign against Japan, and went on to serve as president and chief executive officer of Marine Midland Bank of New York and later as chairman and CEO of Continental Copper and Steel Industries, later known as CCX Corporation.

His biography is all the more remarkable when one considers the facts that his mother passed away when he was just eight, and his father died when he was 13. His family then consisted of his stepmother, Alice Kirkwood Mansfield, whom he came to love deeply (based on letters he wrote to her during WW II, which I have), and his half-sister, Alice Mary (Lissemore).

Circa 1955 this was our table at the annual Cub Scout dinner at Koenig’s

Restaurant in Floral Park, N.Y. Starting at the left, seated around the table

are Frank Agovino (already a Boy Scout and classmate Penny’s brother), Jim

Norwood, myself, Charlie Mansfield (my Dad), Brian Tart, Bill Relyea,

Sr. (young Bill’s father), John Tart (Brian’s Dad), Jim Clinton, Charlie Rix

(Jim’s step-father), Denis Murphy and Jim Murphy (Denis’s father).

By any contemporary measure, Dad was obviously a successful public man. But I can tell you from the heart that he was a great father. He enjoyed the important things of this world—his family, his homes (in Garden City, N.Y., and Stuart (Hutchinson Island), Fla.) and his friends. Although, in the tradition of men of Irish heritage, he rarely showed his emotions, he was a man of deep and abiding love. Moreover, he left this world with a clear heart and a clean soul.

At the time of my father’s death, friends and family alike made some remarkable statements about him. One recurring theme is that it seemed unimaginable that he could be dead, for he was such a strong, even intimidating figure. One of his friends affectionately called him The Bear and, upon learning of his passing, told me that my Dad really had the brass ones. I believe such characterizations may be common but, as many of those who knew him well also understood, much of his persona was a self-defense built in his early youth when, as aforementioned, both his natural parents died prematurely. Their deaths inevitably scarred him for life; they are the reasons he avoided hospitals and funeral parlors, unless he absolutely had to be there.

My Dad Charlie in 1975 as president of Marine

Midland Bank, now HSBC Bank USA

In the spring of 1961 the board of Garden City’s Experiment in International Living chose me to represent the village and Chaminade High School, where I was a junior, in a European country for that summer. My wife Mame, then my secret high-school sweetheart, was also selected as Garden City (GC) High School’s representative and spent three months with a German family in Bielefeld, Westphalen, Germany. While there she actually witnessed the beginning of the erection of the Berlin Wall.

My selection was a great honor. Nonetheless, I had little interest in leaving home for the entire summer because it would mean missing Chaminade varsity double-session summer football practices and possibly sacrificing a position on the ’61 Flyer eleven. This was a risk I could not and would not take. (Author’s note: That squad was chronicled in the 2021 book, THE PERFECT SEASON: The Untold Story of Chaminade High School’s First Undefeated and Untied Varsity Football Team, by my classmate and teammate Tom Kiley and me.)

Stand by.

When I told Chaminade’s powers that be that I would not accept the exchange-student honor, a firestorm erupted! Next, the school’s administration dispatched two Marianist brothers to my parents’ home to implore them to drive some sense into their errant son who was about to walk away from the opportunity of a lifetime for a high-school student. They were the same two good men who later visited my folks to recruit me for the Society of Mary (a.k.a. Marianists).

As I eavesdropped on the conversation between the brothers and my parents, I was worried at first but soon soothed when I heard my father say, Brothers, I understand your concern and Chaminade’s position but the right answer is to let Chuck make his own decision, one way or the other, for he will have to live with it. I was elated, and that was the end of the meeting. Thanks, Dad.

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While on the subject of football, a sport I played for ten consecutive years from grade school to college, in September 1963 I made the College of the Holy Cross (HC) varsity squad as an 18-year old sophomore. Now, this is significant because the assistant varsity football coach, a cigar-chomping, heavy-set fellow named Alfred Hop Riopel, had recruited me to HC, my first choice among colleges and universities, while I was still a student at Chaminade. Two years earlier he had committed in writing to grant me a football scholarship, provided I had a successful HC freshman football season and made the varsity as a sophomore.

With both of these credentials in place, I approached Coach Riopel to remind him of our agreement and inquire about the scholarship. As the eldest of my family’s six children and the first to go to college, I felt considerable pressure—not from my parents but the self-imposed variety—because of the financial burden I knew my HC education clearly represented for them.

Alas, Hop told me, Sorry, kid, we’re out of money. Ergo, no scholarship or, for that matter, any financial aid. His deeply disappointing words, together with the fact that I was not doing well academically, not to mention getting my brains beaten out during weekday practice sessions by players bigger and stronger than I, led me to the seemingly correct but ultimately regrettable decision to give up football.

That night I called my Dad and told him about my terribly disappointing meeting with Coach Riopel and the football scholarship that would not be forthcoming. Although my father too was disappointed at Hop’s statement and my decision, he put me at ease and encouraged me to give my studies my best efforts. Thanks, Dad.

In retrospect, my decision to quit the HC team was emotional and immature. It was also a mistake because, for the rest of my student days, each time I went to a HC football game, I had a strong feeling that I could and should have been on the field, not in the grandstand. For the first time in my life I considered myself weak. It saddened me for a long time, still haunts me and is unquestionably one of those things I would do differently if given the chance.

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Another Dad tale involves the dry martini—gin, not vodka—of which he was once an aficionado. It was Thanksgiving weekend of 1962, and I had returned home from college following the football season for family holiday festivities. On that Friday evening Dad offered me a martini. Now, it should be understood that I was only seventeen-and-a-half at the time (the legal age in New York then was 18), and my consumption of alcoholic beverages had included a few beers and little else. Still, big college man that I must have fancied myself, I said, Sure, Dad, why not? My father mixed a small pitcher of martinis, which he brought into the living room, where I awaited him and my first cocktail.

He poured the libation, we toasted one another, and I tasted the icy, unusual concoction.

Well, what do you think? Dad asked.

I love it, I said foolishly, not really knowing whether I did or not.

Dad then got serious. Most people have to acquire a taste for martinis, he advised. If you are going to drink them, you must remember this: A martini is like a woman’s breast; one is too few, two are just right, and three are too many.

This proved to be sage advice, for any time I had more than two I paid a price.

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In 1966 Mame (née Locasto), then my fiancée, joined me, my siblings and my parents for dinner at their home. She was about to become just the third person of Italian/Sicilian ancestry to join our overwhelmingly Irish-heritage clan. Her predecessors were John Pinto, whose own story appears later herein, who married my Mom’s first cousin, Patricia Hagerty, and Louis Benincasa, who married my Dad’s first cousin, Maureen Mansfield. Never mind that Mame’s mother was a Bonner whose forebears came from Ireland’s County Donegal.

Back to our family dinner. At table Dad decided to tell an Italian joke – don’t ask me why. Following half-hearted laughter from some of my siblings Mame asked Dad, Mr. Mansfield, do you know why Irishmen always sing about their mothers?

No, Mary Ann, why?

Because they don’t know who their fathers are, my beautiful petite bride-to-be punch-lined with gusto and intrepidity. The laughter now was genuine and hearty, the moment nearly breathtaking.

And Charlie Mansfield never told another ethnic joke. Indeed, he openly criticized an Irish-American friend at Bernice Locasto’s 1969 wedding for telling an Italian joke.

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Another great and characteristic story about Dad involves his first grandson, my elder son Chas, telling his grandfather that his wife Dawn was pregnant with Dad’s first great-grandchild.

Grandpa, asked Chas, how do you feel about becoming a great-grandpa?

There to witness the exchange between the two, I could see Dad’s mental wheels turning.

Chas, the old man asserted while lightly poking his index finger on Chas’s chest, I don’t want any of this great-grandpa shit. You tell that kid I’m Uncle Charlie.

That was vintage Charlie Mansfield, direct and earthy.

Pictured above at the Quiogue duck pond near Westhampton,

N.Y., are Grandpa Charlie Mansfield, 48, and his

first grandchild, Chas, age two, in 1970.

(Photograph courtesy of Mary Ann Mansfield and used with permission)

On May 28, 1969, I returned from Vietnam to my parents’ home in GC where they hosted an unforgettable homecoming party for me that