The Rats' Man's Lackey and the Half Gallon of Christmas Miracle

By Michael Warren Lucas

A Private Eye

in Supernatural Witness Protection

 

Whackadoo Manor: hopeful destination for the desperate and the damned. Where the rooms redecorate themselves, the rodents have a valet, and everyone gets a random name off a list of Terry Pratchett characters. Deal with the nameless creep in charge and he might—might—save your soul.

 

Or send me to save it for you.

 

I show up and I wing it. Hard. Hard enough to learn to fly before hitting bottom.

 

At least this time the client is gorgeous, the weather decent, and—if I'm lucky—there'll be strawberry ice cream as I plunge...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tilted Windmill Press
• Release date: Feb 22, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215483428

Michael Warren Lucas

Michael Warren Lucas is a writer, computer engineer, and martial artist from Detroit, Michigan. You can find his Web site at www.michaelwarrenlucas.com and his fiction (including more stories about life in the universes beyond the Montague Portals) at all online bookstores. Under the name Michael W Lucas, he's written ten critically-acclaimed books on advanced computing.

Book preview

The Rats’ Man’s Lackey and the Half Gallon of Christmas Miracle

The Rats’ Man’s Lackey and the Half Gallon of Christmas Miracle

MICHAEL WARREN LUCAS

Tilted Windmill Press

Contents

Acknowledgments

The Rats’ Man’s Lackey and the Half Gallon of Christmas Miracle

About the Author

Acknowledgments

My sincere gratitude to all the folks who have helped me over the years, and through the long road to publishing this tale. I must offer thanks to ZZ Claybourne, Loren Coleman, Brigid Collins, Ron Collins, Rob Cornell, Leah Cutter, Dayle Dermatis, Richard Jones, Alex Kourvo, Kirstine Kathryn Rusch, and Dean Wesley Smith.

I must also thank my fine Patronizers, who every month send me money for no good reason. Maximilian Kühne, Craig Maloney, John Hixson, Florian Obser, Ray Percival, sungo, and Peter Wemm Patronize me so much that that I must thank them in the electronic versions of everything I release. Kate Ebner, Stefan Johnson, Jeff Marraccini, and Phil Vuchetich Patronize me to such an extent that I must thank them in the print and electronic versions of everything I put out. My gratitude to you all.

The Rats’ Man’s Lackey and the Half Gallon of Christmas Miracle

One sip told me that my tea had finally come out perfect.

My stomach couldn’t handle coffee since I took that bullet in Saudi Arabia, and Sardines the chef got outraged whenever anyone expressed an antipathy towards the Most Holy Bean, so I’d been making tea with an electric kettle in my snug attic room. This new Sumatra Black promised to kick harder than a mule, if you let it steep just long enough.

Two seconds too long, though, and the acids come out to eat your taste buds.

One delightful sip soothed my tongue and filled my nose, and my pager buzzed.

Timing is one of my boss’ many talents. Don’t ask what happened last time I almost got laid.

And pagers? Yes, pagers. He wouldn’t have cellphones or Internet in the place. Ask him why and he’d go on and on about not allowing any incarnation of Tagiriron admission to the manor. I don’t know if that’s true. Some of his