Low Down Johnny Brown: Water, Oil, Love And Attraction...

By Ronnie Shantz/Robinson

A notorious Detective, macho Low Down Brown, stumbles into a grisly series of executions in the Hollywood underground and is manipulated into protecting a pair of out of towners vacationing there who witnessed them, only to find the trail of blood and bullets following them around me be a walk in the park as compared to the aggravation of falling for the wife of the out of towners, a pampered, stuck up sophisticate who considers Low Down Johnny Brown socially, well, inferior.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jul 8, 2019
• ISBN: 9780359779123

Book preview

Low Down Johnny Brown

LOW DOWN JOHNNY BROWN

Copyright 2001, 2019 by Ronnie Robinson. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.

1

FADE IN:

INT. A JETLINER—DAY

The vague hum of a jetliner.

The quiet hub bub or activity.

An old WW1 Vet and his wife dozing.

Kids playing patty cake patty cake

A couple mega movie producer discussing a script…

…and a balding older man wearing a strange little beanie, reading a newspaper.

LOW DOWN JOHNNY BROWN, peculiar looking, 62, sits alone sipping coffee from his thermos amidst the silent activity.

A stewardess, LINDSEY, brings him a meal, and Brown puts his paper down.

STEWARDESS

Here’s your dinner, Mr. Brown. I’m sorry

it’s so late, but we had a few problems up

front. The captain, he thinks he’s Tarzan

and we’re all his Janes.

BROWN

Don’t you worry your pretty head about

it, ma’am. A late one’s as good as an

early one I always say.

STEWARDESS

(smiles, charmed)

If there’s anything else I can get you,

just…

BROWN

I’ll do that. Don’t you be too far away now.

He pours more coffee into his cup from the thermos, and she starts to leave, hesitates.

2

STEWARDESS

There’s fresh coffee up front if you’d like.

I can get you a cup if—

BROWN

That’ll be alright, ma’am. I never did like

coffee made by anyone’s hands but my

own.

STEWARDESS

Okay. Well… if you need anything, just—

BROWN

I sure will.

She starts to leave again, lingers a moment. Brown smiles a little, reading it.

STEWARDESS

Excuse me, Mr. Brown… hoping it isn’t forward

of me, but I was wondering, I mean, since I’m

here… can I have your autograph? It would mean

so much to me, and—

She shyly holds out her pen and pad and Brown takes them, a twinkle in his eye.

BROWN

Just tell me what you want it it say.

(RE: name tag)

Hows about to the prettiest girl this side

of the Mississippi. Lindsey.

STEWARDESS

Sybil.

BROWN

(fading smile)

Sybil?

STEWARDESS

Yes, it’s for my great grandmother. She’s

totally in love with you. Ever since you blew

away those four Russian mob members last

year,  it’s all she ever talks about. She’s been

3

STEWARDESS

taping and following your career for years.

Brown slowly crosses out Lindsey and writes Sybil.

BROWN

Sybil.

STEWARDESS

(beaming)

Thank you so much, this’ll be the best

hundredth birthday present ever. She’ll

never forget it. Thanks.

She walks off, and Brown relaxes back into his seat with that Low Down Johnny Brown disgruntled grimace.

BROWN

What a hoot.

Brown notices a beautiful mean looking femme fatale at a front corner of the plane coldly scanning the jetliner. She signals her male counterpart with her eyes at the end of the plane,

nods at the movie producers, and her Male counterpart sits in a vacant seat behind them.

A mild argument sifts in beside Brown and he continues with his meal, taking it all in.

INT. COCKPIT

Lindsey takes trays away from the PILOT and an Asian femme fatale looking CO-PILOT.

LINDSEY

Will there be anything else, sir?

PILOT

Hardly. Whatever that was it must’ve been

dead for a year. Tasted like cardboard.

LINDSEY

I’m…sorry, sir. Perhaps you’d like—

PILOT

(curtly)

That’ll be all. I don’t intend on trying to

4

PILOT

fly this bird with food poisoning.

She rolls her eyes, exits, and the Asian Co-Pilot glances at the Pilot.

CO-PILOT FEMME FATALE

Where I come from, cardboard is a delicacy.

PILOT

Where you come from, they still live in huts.

This is America, not some third world country

where people don’t even have the use of

refrigeration for god sake.

The Asian Co-Pilot forces a chuckle, the Pilot missing an ice cold demeanor filtering into her.

INT. JETLINER

Brown is still eating his meal, still keeping an eye on Femme Fatale 1 and her Male counterpart.

The argument beside him escalates, and he looks over, annoyed.

MALE VOICE(O.S.)

…but that’s not what I said.

FEMALE VOICE(V.O.)

But that’s what you meant.

MALE VOICE(O.S.)

Don’t tell me what I meant, tell me what I

said.

HENRY and ALICE BLACK, 37, glasses, the dulldrums of a twelve year marriage, sit directly across from Brown, the typical domestic bickering of a couple in flux.

ALICE

If I said what you said, you’d say you

didn’t mean what you meant. So I’m not

telling you what you meant by not saying

what you said.

Henry looks at a man beside him, bewildered. The man shrugs don’t look at me, it’s your wife.

5

HENRY

All…all I said was it was a thought that

crossed my mind. I didn’t say I actually

‘wanted’ to do it. It was just a thought.

ALICE

There you go again. Men always use

that excuse. It was just a thought. But you

really want to do it.

HENRY

Don’t tell me it hasn’t crossed your mind.

Afterall, you’re the one always complaining

about that once bright flame of love fading

into a dying ember.

Brown smirks a little, goes back to his meal.

ALICE

(growing annoyance)

Oh, twist this all around on me. You

know, you men…

HENRY

Red.

They stop and hold their breath in a well counseled anger management moment.

Brown continues watching the two hijackers, catches them covertly signal each other getting ready for something, then notices Alice and Henry holding their breath across the aisle.

HENRY

Green.

ALICE

(calmer)

Men always try and twist everything around

on women when a relationship begins to fail.

HENRY

We do not. That’s just your guilt looking for

an excuse to blame it all on us men. Your

passion’s died, admit it.

6

Femme Fatale 1 moves closer to the movie producer and sits in an empty seat in front of them.

ALICE

That’s your fault.

HENRY

How is it our fault?

ALICE

You drive it away with all your pathetic

visual thoughts of fornication.

HENRY

(takes off glasses, mulls

it over)

Our visual thoughts of fornication…

ALICE

Instead of counting sheep at night, you

count big busted blonds floating by, it’s

disgusting.

HENRY

We do not. And they’re brunets.

ALICE

Red.

They hold their breath again, and the CAMERA shifts to Brown watching the two hijackers look up toward the restroom. Something’s going down.

HENRY

Green.

ALICE

You have two heads. And neither one knows

how to satisfy a woman by itself.

ALICE

That’s why god gave you two heads. Because

he foresaw that when one failed, you’d still

be usable to the more complex gender and

he wouldn’t have to painstakingly remodel

7

ALICE

the original.

Brown shifts his eyes over at Alice, also bewildered.

INT. RESTROOM

A fourth hijacker, Femme Fatale 2, sits inside on the toilet, waiting. She gets up, pries open a small panel in the wall showing three miniature guns inside and sits back down to wait.

INT. JETLINER—NIGHT

HENRY

I don’t believe this conversation.

(to man beside him)

Can you believe this conversation?

ALICE

Admit it. I’m right and you’re wrong.

A man in front of them looks around, annoyed.

MAN IN FRONT

Admit it. So we can get some peace.

HENRY

(to a man behind them)

What about you, are you mutinying als—

A MAN BEHIND

Red.

HENRY

No, it won’t work if you do it. Our therapist

said it’s a marriage management technique

that only works between—

HALF THE PLANE

Red!

Henry and Alice hold their breath.

8

INT. COCKPIT

Asian Femme Fatale unbuckles her seatbelt, points to the restroom and exits to the annoyance of the pilot.

INT. JETLINER

The entire plane is watching Henry and Alice holding their breath. They finally exhale, out of breath.

ALICE

‘See’?

HENRY

So what do they know? They’re men.

They’re just agreeing because you’re

cute. Why don’t you get a neutral point

of view.

ALICE

Fine.

HENRY

Fine.

ALICE

‘Fine’.

She looks around, spots Brown directly across the aisle, munching down.

ALICE

Excuse me.

Brown stops chewing and looks over at Alice with a mouth full of food.

ALICE

I wonder if we can get your opinion on

something. If you were married to me for

ten years or so, would I still spin your

compass?

She gets up, does a little model spin in the middle of the aisle and sits back down amidst a few whistles.

9

ALICE

Henry thinks his passion’s died.

(to the whistlers)

Thank you.

Brown’s eyes shift from Henry to Alice like they’re a pair of nuts.

Suddenly Henry looks closer at Brown, quickly fumbles putting on his glasses, thunderstruck.

INT. RESTROOM

Femme Fatale 2 and Asian Femme Fatale are arguing with each other. Femme Fatale 2 pulls out an uzi from the wall panel, gives it to Asian Femme Fatale, she hooks it under her dress on her thigh, exits, and Femme Fatale 2 pulls two more uzi’s from the panel and sits back on the toilet to wait.

INT. JETLINER

Henry focuses on Low Down Brown and points at him, exuberantly.

ALICE

What is it now?

HENRY

That’s…that’s Low Down Brown! That’s

Low Down Johnny Brown!

ALICE

Excuse me?

HENRY

That’s low Down Brown! You know, bang

bang blow’em up ‘you got some bad news

comin’ Johnny Brown, the killer cop!

He mimics pointing a gun at the passengers and fires like an admiring child.

HENRY

Pshoo! Pshoo! Low Down Brown!

ALICE

Are you having another one of your

adolescent fantasies?

10

HENRY

No! I’m serious! Low Down Brown! A lot older

and balder perhaps, but still Low Down Brown!

He’s sooooo Looooow!

Brown scowls, more agitated.

Femme Fatale 2 exits the restroom, covertly hands Femme Fatale 1 something, an uzi, and one to her Male counterpart.

Brown annoyingly packs up, reading it.

ALICE

You know, hon… I’m becoming very

disillusioned with your fixation on such

a macho, low classed cartoon character.

What is it, the blue sunglasses?

Brown scowls at her now.

HENRY

That’s him I tell you!

ALICE

(to Brown)

My husband. Still hasn’t gotten over his

fixation with guns. An inadequacy thing

I suppose.

She sighs, takes off her glasses and holds out her hand.

ALICE

Hi,  I’m Alic—

BROWN

I want you to listen, ma’am, and listen real

close. And don’t take no offence. When I

say bury your face in my crotch, you bury

it. And fast.

ALICE

‘Excuse me… !?’

11

CU Henry read Brown’s glance at the Femme Fatales.

HENRY

You mean…

(meekly)

Uhboy.

A muffled uzi blast rings out from the cockpit, and the three hijackers jump up with uzi’s pointed, Femme Fatale 1 quickly making her way toward the rear.

MALE HIJACKER

Alright everyone—over on you laps!

Like deer in headlights, everyone remains frozen in place.

FEMME FATALE 2

He said bend over on your lap!

She bashes a producer in the head with her uzi, and he slumps over, unconscious.

MALE HIJACKER

Over! Now!

Everyone quickly obeys, and Femme Fatale 2 quietly points her gun at the producers in the seat in front of Brown. It’s a hit.

The male Hijacker notices Brown the only one not bent over. He moves toward him and hesitates at Alice leaning her face into his crotch.

BROWN

You ladies havin’ a nice flight?

MALE HIJACKER

Bend over!

BROWN

Seein’ as I can’t since someone

else’s there right now…

He roughly throws Alice back into her seat, turns back to Brown—

MALE HIJACKER

I said bend—

12

--and stops. Brown has a bad ass sawed off shotgun looking his right in the face he’d been holding under Alice.

FEMME FATALE 1

(from the plane rear)

What’s wrong?

HENRY

Why don’t you come up and find out,

Jerk!

(excitedly to Brown)

I’ll help you get them all together so

you can—

BROWN

Stay out of it!

Femme Fatale 1 runs toward them and freezes at the gun pointed at the Male Hijacker.

HENRY

This…this is a classic!

All three hijackers contemplate the odds. Femme Fatale 1 looks at Henry.

HENRY

I wouldn’t. See, he’s like an anchor on

the news… but if you’re looking to be