In Her Head They Told Her

By Alexandria Howard

As a young girl, Scarlett always tried to fit in, not realizing she was unique all by herself. As an adult, she finds that she is beginning to see signs. Others are put in place, déjà vu is. Battling to overcome the battles of life, Scarlett did not want to give up. Inside, she always knew she was more than more. She slowly begins to understand who she is and what she is meant to do. So powerful, she soon realizes the answer is locked in her own mind.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 19, 2020
• ISBN: 9781645310341

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In Her Head They Told Her

Alexandria Howard

Copyright © 2019 Alexandria Howard

All rights reserved

First Edition

NEWMAN SPRINGS PUBLISHING

320 Broad Street

Red Bank, NJ 07701

First originally published by Newman Springs Publishing 2019

ISBN 978-1-64531-033-4 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64531-034-1 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

I would love to dedicate my book to God, Jesus, my family for always being there, and for my mother who always believes in me.

Chapter 1

The sound of the rain calmed Scarlett’s mind. She lived in California with her boyfriend John; his hair was dirty blond, and his body had a muscular tone. She could not stop thinking of her man John, a young businessman, tall and handsome.

He was in New York for business; her body ached for him. It was almost 8:00 p.m., and he did not call, Scarlett thought. This was the first time she felt real love for a man and not lust. They had been together for five years.

He was soon to return in a couple of days; she was excited he was coming home after being away for a while on business. Inside, Scarlett made dinner for herself, as she wrote in her journal on battling a mental disorder: bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. It was hard, sometimes impossible, for Scarlett to feel a way about anything in her life.

She was always misunderstood. Everyone said she was different; she didn’t seem real in her head, they said.

She struggled with these mental disorders ever since her father died when she was a young girl. As a teenager she had smoked marijuana and sniffed coke; she was also very promiscuous. She was raped, not by family but by strangers she would get high with for that night.

After dinner, Scarlett rolled a joint to ease her racing mind. She turned on the radio to classical music. She felt like writing; she grabbed her journal. She looked out the window; it was raining harder.

Lightning illuminated the sky. It hypnotized her. She thought about when she was growing up; she felt the same loneliness as an adult. She then had a thought remembering the times when she felt good, when she would dance and sing in her room while watching the lake out back. The rain still poured outside. Scarlett danced around the room, touching herself. Just then, the phone rang; it was her friend Anna asking what she was up to. Scarlett didn’t feel like talking. She made up an excuse to get off the phone. Scarlett wanted to be alone, ironically. She thought about her man; when she loved someone, she gave that person her all afraid of love she used men until they left her. Scarlett believed love does not last that love is not true between a man and a woman because of misconnections. Her emotions were fragile. She felt invisible, non-existent in the world; everyone just hurt her because she was timid. Mentally unstable to deal with serious situations at times now an adult she knew what to expect from people.

Feeling dizzy, she sat down. Looking out at the thunderstorm, she felt so good at the moment. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Scarlett eased to the door looking