A Jealous Person Will Kill You, Literally!

By Erica Bennett

My mom always said, “A jealous person will kill you.”

At the time, I didn’t quite fully understand what this meant, until I was faced with the realities of being hated by people to whom I had not done anything wrong. At this point in my life, I saw firsthand that there was true evil in this world. I was hurting, and my life was consumed by pure anguish. I was not perfect, and neither was anyone else. If I was hated by the choices that I’d made, “then so be

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 31, 2020
• ISBN: 9781640968653

Book preview

Going Away to College

In a couple of weeks, I would be leaving for Atlanta, Georgia. I would be going to my Aunt Veronica and Uncle Ron’s house the night before I leave because I would be flying out of Los Angeles International Airport (LAX), on the red-eye flight, and my aunt and uncle’s house was much closer to the airport. My cousin Nancy and her boyfriend, Miguel, were going to pick me up. I was a little nervous but at the same time happy to be leaving home and starting a new venture in the South. I had lived in California all my life, born and raised, and besides traveling to other parts of the states as a child, California was all I’d ever known. All I could think about was what it would be like in Atlanta, but I couldn’t help but ponder whether or not I was doing the right thing by going away for college when my family and friends were here in California.

Prior to this day, I had been convincing myself that Georgia would be a good move for me. My transfer counselor at San Bernardino Valley College, Mrs. Whitley, had been a strong, positive influence on me, and she frequently talked to me regarding the benefits of attending a historically black college university (HBCU) ever since I disclosed to her my interest. Initially, when I made an appointment to meet with Mrs. Whitley, we discussed my desire to attend college out of state, preferably an HBCU. Mrs. Whitley was elated about this. One of my closest male friends in high school, Al Whitley, was the son of Mrs. Whitley. Mrs. Whitley and her husband were always such lovely people, and I was very pleased to find that she worked as an academic counselor at San Bernardino Valley College upon my enrollment.

I had the opportunity of attending any UC school within the state of California, and it was good to know that my cousin Nancy who was working for the UC systems at the time was more than willing to help me get into any of the colleges of my choice. That’s right—I had my pick which UC school I wanted to attend. Because I was so undecided on remaining here in California or moving to Atlanta, I decided to complete my first two semesters at San Bernardino Valley, a two-year college. Some people may ask, Why would you go to a two-year college when you had the opportunity of attending UCLA, USC, or any other UC school for that matter?

I don’t know—call me crazy if you may.

I think that I was just looking for something different, somewhere far away from home, and until I was able to build up the courage to move, San Bernardino Valley College was still close to home. Besides, my boyfriend, and his mom and sister were planning on moving to Athens, Alabama, which would not be too far from Atlanta.

I scheduled an advisement session with Mrs. Whitley, and shortly after my arrival, we began discussing my aspirations and goals of attending a historically black college university (HBCU). I told Mrs. Whitley that Spelman College was my first college of choice. I guess you could say it was ironic, or even a small world, because she stated that one of her longtime friends was the dean at Spelman College at the time. Mrs. Whitley was ecstatic and suggested that we contact her friend at Spelman from her office phone, to inquire about the enrollment process.

Upon speaking with the dean, she informed us that I had just missed the application deadline for Spelman by a week, but she stated that I could still send in my application and that the acceptance would be set for their spring semester rather than the fall. She also stated that in their application process, it was required that I sent in a photo of myself with the admissions application. We were informed that the only school that had extended their application deadline was Morris Brown College. She urged me to apply there if I wanted to already be residing in Atlanta prior to the spring semester. I would already be taking courses at Morris Brown College and would transfer to Spelman in the spring. Mrs. Whitley and I thought that this was a good idea. After talking with the dean at Spelman, we began to contact Morris Brown College (MBC) regarding mailing me out the application materials.

While on the phone with the female representative in Undergraduate Admissions at Morris Brown College, she asked when I planned to move to Atlanta for school, after we informed her that we were calling from California. I told her that my thoughts were to move there over the summer in July, a month before school starts in August, to become familiar with the campus. The Admissions representative stated that if there was a chance that I could come to Atlanta in April for the Freaknik, I would really get a glimpse of all the college fun!

I thought, What the hell is Freaknik? My mind started to wonder, but I figured that I was sure to find out more details about Freaknik when I got to the ATL.

Mrs. Whitley said, Arisa, remain focused on school, and try not to get so overly consumed with the party life in Atlanta, which includes the Freaknik.

We both laughed. By the way, when I received the Morris Brown College admissions application, the college did not require sending in a photo of me with the application.

Preparing for the Move to Atlanta

During the next couple of weeks, Mrs. Whitley and I discussed my excitement of moving to Atlanta, attending Spelman and getting to know a different life outside of California. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love California and everything about it—from the weather to the many recreational activities that it had. I just always felt like an outsider at home, and watching my mom go through her severe depression (which turned into mental illness) and my dad’s controlling ways, I felt that leaving home at that time was the best thing for me. I just wanted to get far, far away from home.

I was so appreciative to Mrs. Whitley because when the Morris Brown College and Spelman admissions application came in the mail, she assisted me in filling them out and wrote me a letter of recommendation. During this time, I was busy working at the beauty supply store and salon in the Carousel Mall and meeting with Mrs. Whitley several times a week for academic advisement. Each of the colleges required two more additional letters of recommendation, which I would ask two of my professors for.

I asked my English teacher, and I could not remember who the third letter of recommendation came from. I vividly remember that I had a really good grade in my English class, and I felt like I had good report with the professor, Mrs. Burke.

Mrs. Burke appeared to be pleased that I asked her to write my letters of recommendation. After she returned them to me, I had the most uneasy feeling. Although I did not feel this way regarding the previous recommendations that I received, something told me to not use hers. I was so glad that I didn’t. When I opened the envelope with her recommendation, she was criticizing me and my work in her class. She brought up more of my weaknesses as opposed to my strengths. As I remember, she had not said anything positive about me, and I felt offended. I went to Mrs. Burke and spoke with her regarding my letter, and lo and behold, she basically stated what she typed in her recommendation letter for me. I addressed my concerns and thanked her for the recommendation but let her know that I would not be including it in my admissions application for either school. A part of me wanted to let her know that I was glad that she disclosed her true feelings of me before placing her recommendation letter with my applications. It’s funny how people would smile in your face and despise you behind your back. I had no less than a B+ in her class. Needless to say, I never spoke to her ass again, from now until I moved to Atlanta.

I had been patiently anticipating on the day for my cousin and her boyfriend, Miguel, to pick me up from home to take me to my Aunt Veronica and Uncle Ron’s home. Although they were pretty late picking me up, it gave me more time to spend with my mom and brother, who were the only ones home at the time. My dad was at work, and my sister, Mara, was at her friend Janet’s.

I would never forget that day. Everything seemed so peaceful and quiet. The weather had been beautifully hot that day, and by the evening time, there was a cool breeze over the city. I was leaving home in the month of July. It was my cousin Shelley and Kelbi who thought that it would be a good idea for me to come down to Atlanta a few weeks before school was to start in August. Shelley was my cousin Ron Jr.’s ex-girlfriend, and Kelbi had been my cousin Nancy’s best friend for many years. Although they were not blood relatives, they had been in my life since I was around five years old, so they were like family. My cousins Ron Jr. and Nancy were brother and sister, my Aunt Veronica and Uncle Ron’s kids. Based on Shelley and Kelbi’s recommendation, it seemed like a good idea to become familiar with the college campuses prior to the start of school, and besides, Shelley was a student at Clark Atlanta and Kelbi as well. The information that I had received from my cousins Shelley and Kelbi, who moved to Atlanta from California a few years ago, was that all four colleges were right next-door to one another—Morris Brown College, Clark Atlanta, Spelman, and Morehouse.

The Day I Moved to Atlanta

Today was the day. My cousin Nancy and boyfriend, Miguel, arrived just in time to pick me up. I was getting worried because they were hours behind the time they stated they would be at my parents’ home to get me. We all talked to my mom for a while, and I said my goodbyes to Mom and then my little brother, Will. The hurt in my brother’s eyes as I was leaving with Nancy and Miguel with my luggage would haunt me forever. Somehow I felt that I should not go, I should not leave my little brother there by himself. We were very close. At that time, my sister, Mara, was hanging out a lot at her friend Janet’s home, so I said my goodbyes to her a few days before. At that moment, I wanted to take my little brother with me, but I was not financially in a position at eighteen years old to take on the responsibility of caring for a teenager. I also didn’t know what to expect once I arrived in Atlanta. Besides, I would be staying with my cousin Shelley until I move into the dorms. The little jeep that we were in was pretty quiet the entire drive back to my aunt’s home in Carson. It was so painful to leave my family and my little brother who, at the time, looked up to me. Will was my little partner in crime, breaking curfews, hanging out with my friends, and living the California life at its best!

When we arrived at my aunt and uncle’s house, I had no idea that my dad would be coming over to see me off. Daddy was at work in Los Angeles when I left. It was easier for him to make it to my aunt’s house that lived in Los Angeles County, as opposed to driving to Highland, which was San Bernardino County, especially during rush-hour traffic. I knew that my dad did not particularly embrace the fact that I was moving to Atlanta, Georgia, and based on his perceptions of how black people act toward one another there, I would soon find it was very true. At the time, I wanted my family to be happy for me that I was doing something different for myself by attending college out of state. I was already hesitant about leaving California, and I didn’t know at the time if I was making the right decision, so I really didn’t want to hear any negativity about me going away. Thank God, I got through that awkward moment of talking with my daddy and saying my goodbyes.

Later that evening, I was standing outside talking with my ex-boyfriend, Rav. We still managed to remain friends after all these years. Rav’s parents lived right next-door to my Uncle Ron and Aunt Veronica, so I had known of him since we were about eight years old. We didn’t began dating until the summer of 1989, when we were fifteen years old, when my cousin Trey found that Rav and I were attending the same high school in the fall. My cousin asked if he could look out for me at Narbonne High School.

It was that summer, when I graduated from middle school and stayed with my aunt and uncle for the summer that Rav and I got to know one another, and we actually liked each other. We also met a girl who lived in the neighborhood, and that summer, the three of us were inseparable. To this day, I remember her as being such a nice girl. Rav and I were going to Narbonne High School, and she would be going to Banning High School. I wish Rav and I had remained in touch with Keeba. We were all the same age, and all three of us had birthdays in February.

Rav and I spoke that evening, and I informed him that I was moving to Atlanta, Georgia, for college. Rav said that if he and I had remained together, there would be no way that he would let me move away out of state.

I told Rav, Well, we are not together, and I hear you have two kids with a girl that you have been dating on and off for a while and it was off again. I told Rav that he should marry her since they had a family together.

He said right now, they were just too young to get married. Yeah, eighteen years old was pretty young for all that. Rav and I went to dinner, and we talked about all the things that we’ve experienced over the years after I left Narbonne and transferred to Banning High School. We didn’t communicate as much by the time we were in the eleventh grade, and unfortunately, I didn’t remain at Banning either because the semester before my senior year of high school, my dad decided to move to Highland, California, an hour away. It was nice to link with Rav one last time before I left for college. A part of me still resented Rav for breaking up with me right at the start of high school. It was that night that Rav told me that he was scared of my aunt and uncle’s sons, Tyre and Ron Jr. Rav said that there were several times they confronted him to find out the nature of our courtship and whether or not Rav had decided to take it to another level. Rav said he was scared when they threatened him…in a nice, nasty sort of way. Although our families were very close, my cousins were just being themselves as always, overprotective. It was very clear now why Rav and I broke up: he was terrified of Tyre and Ron Jr., and who could blame him. I could remember at around one thirty in the morning, Rav came knocking on the bedroom window of my cousin Nancy’s room, where I was sleeping. My cousin Nancy was out with her UCLA college friends staying the night. Rav and I spoke through the window, talking about everything from what to expect when we go to high school to whether or not we would continue to remain close. After about an hour, he went back home and went to sleep. The next day, my cousin Tyre asked me why Rav came to my window at 1:30 a.m. Oh my goodness! How did he know that?

I asked my cousin how he knew, and his response was, We have surveillance on the house. Busted!

Although I let Tyre know that it was innocent and we just talked while I sat in the window, that was not acceptable. My cousin told me the next time that Rav came to my window at that time of morning, he and Ron Jr. would have a serious talk with him. After recalling these facts, Rav and I agreed that it was around that time when my cousins gave him a hard time. It really was innocent, but Rav never did that again.

That night Rav wanted us to make love. Although tempted, I told Rav that we were at a point in our lives where I was moving away and he had two kids by his ex and there was a possibility they could get back together. I didn’t want to take that risk, and I didn’t want to start a long-distance relationship. Besides, I technically still had a boyfriend, despite the fact that my boyfriend, and I had been separated for several months because he, his mom, and his sister moved back to Alabama to be with family. Craig and I had not officially ended things. Rav understood and remained a gentleman the entire time we were out. He later took me back to my aunt and uncle’s home, and we said our goodbyes. As I walked back into the house, I spent the remainder of the night thinking about my flight that next day. Thank God, I would not be leaving until late the next day, the red-eye flight.

I could not get the picture of my brother’s face off of my mind. My little brother felt that he was losing his big sister. I felt so guilty for leaving him, but I knew the minute he could come to Atlanta to visit me, we would have a blast. I had not left California yet, but I was already planning on how much fun we would have when he did come to visit. Although at that time it was difficult to pry my sister, Mara, away from her friend Janet, her partner in crime, but I had hoped that she would come and visit with Will too.

I could not believe that I was only one of four people on this flight. I had never flown on an airplane before. While my cousin was driving me to the airport, she asked if I had ever been on an airplane. A little embarrassed, I told her no and that I was a little nervous and did not know what to expect once the plane took off. Nancy said that to help put my mind at ease, just close my eyes as the plane suddenly began to take off in the air. She said that this had always helped calm her nerves.

I began to recall what my cousin told me, and as the plane began to take off into the air, I calmly closed my eyes and held on to my seat for dear life. My heart felt as though it had sunk in my stomach. I was so glad that I didn’t get sick during the flight. I had such a nice stewardess. She asked me if I was tired and if I needed one of their blue blankets to keep me warm. It did feel a little cold, and the purple jacket that my Aunt Veronica gave me was so lightweight. If there was one thing that I didn’t like, that was being cold.

When the stewardess came back with the blanket, she told me that if I was tired, I could lie across the other two seats next to me since no one else would be boarding. I had practically the entire row to myself. She also asked if I needed something to drink and a snack.

Yes, I kindly responded.

The blanket worked out just fine; I was even more comfortable now.

I would never forget, I was flying on American Airlines, and everything was so peaceful. I was glad my cousin Nancy booked my flight on American because my first trip on a plane was so pleasant and peaceful. I thought I might always fly the red-eye flights when I traveled again. I eventually fell asleep on the plane.

The flight from Los Angeles to Atlanta seemed like it was forever. I couldn’t remember how long the flight was, but what I did know was that when we left, it was nighttime; and when the pilot stated that we were ten minutes from the Atlanta airport, by then, it was daylight. I could barely tell that it was summer because as I looked out the window, the clouds were dark and gloomy and it appeared to be drizzling.

I thought to myself, Naw…it does not rain in the summertime.

When the plane finally landed, I had to hold my breath. The landing was worse than the takeoff in my opinion.

Well, at last, I am here in Atlanta.

When I got off of the airplane, my cousin Shelley was standing there right at the exit door waiting for me. It was so nice to see her again. I had not seen Shelley in about three years, since she and a few of her friends moved to Georgia not long after her divorce. Shelley looked exactly the same as I remember her. She was so pretty with her long, flowing hair. Shelley was happy to see me too. We walked downstairs to baggage claim, and my luggage did not appear to be anywhere in sight. When we spoke to the baggage handlers, they directed us to an information booth to inquire about my luggage. What a bummer! According to the information desk representative, my bags had not arrived and might be a few hours or even a day before they would call me after locating my bags. I was not very happy about this, and neither was Shelley, but she said that it was a good thing that she lived real close to the airport.

I thought, What am I going to do now? being that I had no personal feminine products, nor any of my clothes to change into. It was an uncomfortable feeling when you were in another place that seemed like halfway across the world without your luggage.

It’s Raining in Atlanta in the Summertime

Oh well, I said hopefully, we will get a call later on today to come and pick up my things.

As we walked to her car, we had to catch up a little on the things that had been going on in each of our lives over the years. One of the things that I noticed about Atlanta was that there were so many trees and that it was raining and storming in July. I told Shelley that I did not know it rained in the summertime. She smiled and told me that the weather was still something that she still had not gotten accustomed to since living here. Honestly, I was already not feeling this rainy weather. I grew up in sunny California, and I couldn’t imagine how I would become accustomed to this type of weather. I thought that I had lived in California way too long and got spoiled because, truthfully speaking, I couldn’t stand rainy weather with dark clouds.

Already I was thinking to myself, This weather here might just be a deal-breaker for me. I’m so accustomed to sunshine!

While we were driving back to Shelley’s place, she told me that we would rest for a couple of hours and then she wanted to show me around Atlanta by taking me to Five Points. I asked Shelley what was five points. She said that it was an underground mall there called Underground Atlanta and that she had a friend whose name was Irma, who worked at one of the stores inside the mall. Shelley wanted to introduce me to her friends and said that they were all really nice. I was excited, and at the same time, I was so tired from the long flight.

When we got to Shelley’s place, it was such a cute town home. I really liked how she had decorated the place, and it seemed very peaceful. Granted, it was early morning, and many of the residents were probably not up yet. Shelley made me feel right at home, and we walked upstairs to her room and crashed. We were awakened that afternoon by a phone call from someone at the Atlanta International Airport stating that my bags were there. I was so happy. Shelley and I drove back to the airport to claim my bags, and we hurried back home so that we could get ready to go to Underground Atlanta. I was not worried, though, because Shelley had bags full of really nice clothes that she was giving away to goodwill and told me that I could pick out any of the items I wanted before she dropped them off. The clothes still looked brand-new and were still in tip-top shape. She even had a pair of lavender Guess jeans that looked awesome on me and made my butt appear bigger.

We were off to the Atlanta International Airport to pick up my bags. I was so happy that my bags were finally here. Somehow, it felt so awkward being in Atlanta without my personal items, and I was glad to get them in such a short time.

When Shelley and I got to the airport and went to the area to claim my bags, there was absolutely no explanation given to us regarding my suitcases being late. It didn’t matter, as long as everything was there. When we got back to Shelley’s townhouse, I looked though my bags with quickness, and everything appeared to all be there. I was tired, and so was Shelley. She said that we would take a short nap and then head to Underground Atlanta later on that afternoon. It was that being in an unfamiliar place that made me nervous, but it was too late now to change my mind. I was officially in the Atlanta area, and in a week, I would be heading to Morris Brown College to meet with the financial aid counselor and to get acquainted with my new school—that was, at least for the semester. By next semester, I would be attending Spelman College. We were exhausted, so it was time for us to rest for a while before heading out.

Visiting Underground Atlanta

Shelley woke up first, and she woke me. Shelley called her friend Irma to let her know that I had officially arrived and that we would be heading to her side of town…not really, Irma worked at Underground Atlanta and Shelley knew that Irma and some of her friends from California who had moved to Atlanta with her were eager to meet me too. I already knew another familiar person who had moved to Atlanta too, Kelbi. Kelbi was my cousin Nancy’s best friend from elementary school.

I had known Kelbi since I was five years old, and she was now like a cousin to me too. I couldn’t wait to see Kelbi. We headed out to downtown Atlanta to Underground Atlanta, and the first place we visited was Irma at a sports store where she worked at the Underground. My cousin Shelley introduced me to Irma, and she was so nice to me. As we stood and briefly talked to Irma outside of her store, where she was the store manager, they gave me some history about Underground Atlanta.

It seemed that Underground Atlanta was also a popular place where students from all the Atlanta University schools, along with other schools in the Atlanta area, liked to hang out. I was starting to get hungry. I told my cousin Shelley that I wanted to go to the food court. Shelley and I left Irma so that she could complete her shift at work. Shelley told Irma that she would call her later on that evening so that we could all meet up at her place. Shelley and I wanted Chinese food.

We were walking to a table with our trays when I saw the most handsome guy with these gorgeous hazel eyes. I told Shelley that that guy was so cute, and she agreed. We were not thinking anything else about it when this guy walked over to our table and sat down at the table right next to ours. He was with the handsome guy with the hazel eyes. The guy introduced himself to us and said that his name was Josh and that he and his friend Quan were from New York. He stated that there were several of them from New York, and he pointed to a table across from us. There were about four or five other guys there too. Josh said that they were staying at a place called Carter Hall and that they were all in Atlanta and would be starting college soon. I told Josh that I would be starting college in Atlanta too and that my cousin and I were from California. I told Josh that my cousin Shelley had been in Atlanta for a few years now and that I had just gotten there earlier this morning. Josh asked what college I would be attending. I told him Morris Brown College. Josh said that he and his friend sitting at the table across from us were both going to Morris Brown and that Quan was attending Atlanta Metro College.

During our discussion, Josh stated that his friend Quan would like my number. I said, Sure, and Shelley gave him her home number. Josh asked my cousin Shelley if he could have the number too to call her. My cousin Shelley asked Josh how old he was, and he told her that they were all eighteen years old. My cousin Shelley told him that they needed to be talking to me because I was also eighteen and their age but that she was too old for him. Shelley at the time was twenty-nine years old. Shelley did ask Josh if he had a brother or uncle that was between the ages of twenty-nine and forty years old because this was her age range of men she dated. Josh laughed and said he did have an uncle around that age. Quan was so cute, and I could not stop looking at those hazel eyes. I handed him the number, and Shelley and I both agreed that this guy was cute. I didn’t think much else about it. After the guys left, Shelley and I finished our food and headed back to her house to chill for the night.

Shelley and I were at home and reminiscing about old times growing up in California and her relationship with my cousin Ron. Shelley had been a part of our family since I was four years old. She dated my cousin when I was a little girl, and they dated until I was around sixteen years old. Shelley was like family because she had been in our family for so long. I loved her as if she were a blood relative.

While we were talking, Shelley’s phone rang. Shelley called me to the telephone and whispered, Girl, it’s Quan!

To my surprise, sure enough, it was him, the cute guy with the hazel eyes. My heart smiled. I answered the phone and talked to Quan about school and moving here from California and Quan from New York.

There was just something about New York guys that I loved. Maybe it was their swag or their confidence and the fact that they appeared to be so nurturing and kind to women. Quan was the first guy from New York that I met and the first guy that I liked here in Atlanta. The only problem was that I sort of still had a boyfriend from California who moved to Alabama almost a year ago, and we were still seeing each other. I was not happy with that relationship, but not quite ready to let it go.

Well, Quan asked if we could go out tomorrow. I was not sure if that was the right thing to do because I was not officially single, although I was certain that my boyfriend Craig was not being honest about his extracurricular activities in Alabama. Our relationship in California was pretty toxic; I guess you could say that I remained in the relationship so long because I had become close with his sister, Tina, and his mom.

Craig’s mom was someone that I felt I could talk to because my mom was dealing with depression and other mental issues; she could not be there for me and my siblings the way we needed her to be, which was why I probably gravitated toward Craig’s mom. I wanted to be honest with Quan about Craig, and I would be in due time. I was also planning on going to Alabama to see Craig and meet the rest of his family in the next two weeks.

Quan seemed like a very nice guy, and I had agreed to go out with him tomorrow; hopefully we would be able to talk more then. When I got off the telephone with Quan, I told Shelley that Quan was coming over tomorrow to take me out. Shelley was so excited; she said that I needed to meet people here in Atlanta my age so that I could go out and see the city. Shelley said that tomorrow she too would be going out and that she didn’t want to leave me at the apartment by myself so soon, but now since Quan was taking me out, it would be perfect timing.

My First Night in the ATL

Last night I slept very well—not bad for my first night in Atlanta, Georgia. My cousin Shelley lived in an area of Georgia called College Park. It was a really nice area, and it appeared that there were many college students who lived in her complex. Even Shelley said that her next-door neighbors, at least one of the guys who lived there, attended Morehouse College.

Shelley had to work today, but she told me before she left that my cousin Kelbi and her boyfriend, Charlie, who also lived in the same apartment complex, wanted to come see me today and that Kelbi said she and Charlie would call me first to make sure I was up.

I was up and getting dressed before I heard from Kelbi and Charlie. I was still undecided about what I was going to wear on my date tonight with Quan. I thought I might wear those cute Guess jeans my cousin gave me. I didn’t know yet. After getting dressed, I made myself some breakfast.

I was hungry this morning. I thought that I’d make me some pancakes. Well, Kelbi called to let me know that she and Charlie were on their way and wanted to know if I was up yet. I told her that I was up and dressed and that I was making pancakes. Kelbi said that they would be right over. An hour went by, and I had already finished eating my pancakes, and I was thinking, Where are they?

As I thought this to myself, Kelbi and Charlie knocked on the door. I knew that it was them. I looked through the peephole, and sure enough, it was Kelbi and her live-in boyfriend, Charlie. It would be my first time meeting Charlie, but from what I was told, he too was from California and Kelbi and Charlie dated briefly in California before she moved to Atlanta. Apparently, Charlie followed Kelbi to Atlanta after leaving his wife. In the short period of time that I had been here, Shelley also told me that Charlie was married in California when he and Kelbi first started dating. I was not judgmental, so I was not really concerned about that. As long as Kelbi was happy and Charlie made her happy, I was willing to get to know him.

I let Kelbi and Charlie in, and we hugged. It had been a few years since I’d seen Kelbi. We all sat down and talked, and Kelbi looked great; she still looked exactly how I remember her from a few years ago. Charlie appeared to be kind and down-to-earth. In my short time meeting him, Charlie seemed to be a genuine person with a kind heart.

As we were talking, Kelbi and Charlie asked me how long I would stay with Shelley, and I informed then that I would only be here until I moved into the dorm room at Morris Brown College. I told them that I always wondered what it was like to stay in a dorm while attending college. It also seemed so much more economical to be right there on campus while attending classes.

Kelbi and Charlie both looked at one another and said at the same time, Good.

There was something very awkward about Kelbi and Charlie wanting to know how long it would be until I moved into the dorm, and the fact that they appeared to be relieved that I was moving soon was very odd to me. I shrugged it off and just focused on talking to them about my experience here in Atlanta since arriving yesterday. I also told Kelbi that I met a guy from New York who was also attending school for the first time here in Atlanta. Kelbi said that that was great and asked when I would be seeing him again. I told her that we would have our first date tonight. She smiled. We talked for over an hour when Kelbi said that they had to go; they had some errands to run today. Kelbi told me that she and Charlie lived in the same apartment complex and that I was welcome to visit anytime.

I got a really good feeling about Charlie, and I thought that he was really good for Kelbi. I would keep that to myself. For some odd reason, I felt like there was some bad blood between Kelbi and Shelley. I couldn’t quite place my finger on it, but there appeared to be some bad vibes circulating between Kelbi and Shelley, and my guess was that some of this could possibly have something to do with Charlie.

Well, Kelbi and Charlie left, and now I wanted to go upstairs and look through my clothes to see what I might want to wear tonight. To be honest, the cute outfit I had on seemed to be sufficient. I liked it, and I thought that it looked cute on me. It was settled, I would just wear what I had on.

Shelley came home from work, and we discussed more on where she was currently working. Shelley said that she and Kelbi worked for the catalog Spiegel until she began her full-time teaching job in August.

A few things were happening in August. I would be starting school at Morris Brown College for this semester, and Shelley would be starting her job as a teacher. Shelley said that after she broke up with my cousin Ron, she began dating a guy whom she was married to for only a year. I actually remembered when Shelley got married. My sister, Mara, Nancy, and I were teenagers when she married Gerald, and we practically begged her not to marry him. A part of us felt that we would lose her if she married a man that was not Ron. Shelley had become family, and we wanted things to remain that way. Nothing ever stayed the same. I was beginning to feel that way.

My First Date in Atlanta

Shelley was getting dressed to go out tonight; she had a date too. I was going to keep an open mind about my date tonight. I was stuck somewhere between if I wanted to remain with Craig or if I wanted to date again. Craig did not make me happy. He was not the type of man that I could ever see myself marrying. He had lied to me, cheated, and had downright done some disrespectful things. Neither my heart nor was my mind was invested in any form of a relationship with him, but in the meantime, I was patiently waiting for Craig to grow up and be responsible, but I would no longer wait for him. Craig would make better decisions, and just when I was falling for him again, he would do something else stupid that placed us back at square one.

I was eighteen years old, but I was a lot more mature than he was. I was not interested in playing games, nor did I want to be played with either. We’d see what type of vibe I got from Quan tonight and if I wanted to even continue seeing him. Either way, I was going to be honest about my long-distance relationship with Craig and the fact that I was scheduled to go and visit him and his family in Alabama next week.

Shelley said that she would be here for just a few minutes after Quan came, but then she would be heading out for her date. We got a knock on the door, and I looked out the peephole, and it was Quan. I told Shelley Quan was at the door. Shelley came downstairs and greeted Quan at the door, and he came in. Quan was so handsome, and I could not help but stare into those beautiful hazel eyes. Shelley told Quan and me that she was headed out to her date and that she would be back late tonight. Quan and I had the place to ourselves for a while.

After Shelley left, Quan asked me what I would like to eat tonight, and I told him that I was still a little full from the last meal I ate today and that we could talk before going out to eat. Quan said okay, and we both sat on the couch and talked. Quan sat all the way on the other side of the room from me on the couch, and I was sitting in the loveseat. We discussed where I grew up, where he grew up in New York; and we found that growing up in the Bronx, New York, was not much different from me growing up in South Central Los Angeles. I really liked hearing his stories about New York, and I told him that I would love to one day visit. Quan said that he would like to visit California to see what it was like. He said that from hearing my stories, he couldn’t wait to get to the West Coast.

I really liked Quan’s vibe. I liked the fact that he appeared to be mature, even more mature than I was. I liked that. Quan was manly, and he didn’t act like a little spoiled child like Craig. I thought I was starting to like the vibe of a New York man already. A lot of men in California were different. I didn’t quite know what it was about a New York man that intrigued me, but whatever it was, I was feeling the vibe; I was feeling Quan’s vibe.

He dressed nice, and although his cologne was subtle, it smelled so good. I could smell it when he walked through the front door. I loved a clean-cut man who took great care of himself, but at the same time, he was not the type of man who acted like a pretty boy, nor did he seem like the type that stayed in the mirror more than I did. Quan was kind to me and nurturing. In just the short time that we’ve talked, he wanted to know if I was okay and if I was ready to go eat or go anywhere. Quan was ready to cater to me. and I loved his style and his New York vibe. I just felt as though I’d known Quan for years, although I know that we just met yesterday.

For the brief time that we have talked, I noticed that he was very mature for his age. I brought this up to him, and Quan said maybe it was his upbringing in the Bronx, New York, and some of the experiences that he had had almost forced him to grow up. Quan said that he lost his parents at a young age and that his grandmother raised him and his younger sister and brothers. He also said that his older brothers had not made many good decisions in life and were in the streets. Growing up in South Central Los Angeles, I kind of understood what he meant by this. Although I was sheltered from the streets by my dad and older male cousins, I had seen many no-so-good things just being a product of my environment. My dad was not going to tolerate his kids being in gangs, drugs, or anything else that did not involve going to school and making positive choices. My sister, Mara; my brother, Will; and I were all raised attending church, having to do well in school. And although our lives were far from perfect, we were raised in a two-parent household where my parents kept us sheltered from as much of the negative aspects of the outside world as possible. We were not straight A students, but my parents definitely did not tolerate bringing home anything lower than a C in school. I was a high achiever and always had to study five times harder than others to ensure As and Bs. I was never the student that could get by with As and Bs without having to do much studying.

Quan was also not a product of his environment because he wanted a better life for himself and said that he came to Atlanta, Georgia, with the help of his former basketball coach, to attend school and to play ball. Quan said that he did not want to end up like his brothers, selling drugs. I could completely understand that. Quan said that his goal was to do well at Atlanta Metro College so that he could transfer into a four-year university.

I was now aware that Atlanta Metro College was a junior college here in Atlanta, sort of like El Camino College in Los Angeles. Many of the local students who did not go to four-year colleges from high school for whatever reason, whether it was due to grades or to save money, tended to start off at Atlanta Metro College in Atlanta or El Camino College in Los Angeles. I myself was a transfer student, so I did understand the significance that junior colleges had as a starting point on helping students work toward reaching their educational goals. My level of respect for Quan just increased by fifty points due to his drive in wanting to make something of his life, and that was what was up.

I thought that I was beginning to like Quan a whole lot more as we continued to talk and get to know one another. During our discussion, I felt that I had become comfortable with Quan to tell him that although I had not seen my boyfriend in a year, we were still planning on remaining together even after I moved to Atlanta. Besides, by me now living in Atlanta, I would be much closer to him. My boyfriend, Craig, also said that he would be interested in relocating to Atlanta so that we would be close and able to see one another regularly. I felt that it was in my best interest to be completely up-front and honest with Quan so that I did not lead him on.

To be honest, I really didn’t know why I was still communicating with Craig, because he was not that great of a boyfriend in California, so what would make me think that things would be any better after we had relocated? I also did not trust Craig because he had a track record of being dishonest and dating multiple women at a time. I myself had experienced him cheating on me at least twice, which was the reason for our breakup in the past. Craig begged and pleaded with me to give him another chance, and silly me gave in to his madness. I just wanted a guy who would give me the same mutual love, kindness, and respect that I would give. I was faithful, I was loyal, and I was nurturing. My problem was, I gave all those things to Craig—who was the wrong guy to put my trust in.

Quan seemed totally different. He appeared to be a mature man, and deep inside my heart, I knew that this was what I needed from a man in order to have any level of respect for him. Quan was the opposite of Craig, and it showed in how he handled me. I needed a guy who matched my genuineness and flare.

Quan said that we just met and although he was not thrilled at the fact that I had a boyfriend and would be visiting him in Alabama soon when he would like to get to know me, he felt that he had no right to tell me not to go. Quan said that if going to Alabama to decide if the relationship with Craig was what I wanted, then he had to respect the fact that I was being honest and up-front about my past. Technically, I had been single for a year and had not dated any other man since Craig moved away, nor had I been with another man sexually since Craig. I really liked Quan, but I owed it to myself to find out if continuing my relationship with Craig was even worth my time. Craig was not the most faithful boyfriend, even when we both lived in California. I was not sure if I even felt the same about him.

My Visit to Alabama

My cousin Shelley took me to the Greyhound bus station this morning, and I was heading out to visit Craig. I would also get to see his sister Tina; mom, Penny; and the rest of his family in Alabama. Craig always told me that he had three other sisters—Tamera, Lena, and Desi—who were raised by their grandmother in Alabama and were all older than him and Tina. I made sure that I brought my earphones for my tape player. This was going to be a long drive, and I needed my music to help me get through.

Shelley and I said our goodbyes, and she told me that she would be in California during the duration of my stay in Alabama and to see if Kelby and Charlie could pick me up from the bus station and to call them ahead of time. I was on the bus and on my way to Alabama. It was so early in the morning there was practically no one at the bus station. In fact, there were also very little people on the bus with me when the bus left the station. I was happy that I did not have to sit next to anyone and the seat right next to me was empty. I wanted a comfortable ride to Alabama, and what better way to have a more comfortable ride than to not have to sit next to a stranger on the bus. I was going to have some peace and quiet the entire trip; I could just sense it. I put in my Jodeci tape and got lost in my music the entire trip. Although it was not an uncomfortable ride from Atlanta to Alabama, I was still not happy about having to ride the Greyhound bus. I preferred to travel by plane, and my last resort was by train. Although my first plane ride was when I moved from California to Georgia a few days before, I thought that I could get accustomed to traveling by plane. That was a pleasant trip, and I hoped to get the opportunity to fly more often. I listened to the entire Jodeci tape a few times prior to reaching my destination.

During that time, I reminisced about Craig and all the things that I went through with him in California. He was not the right boyfriend for me, but at this point, Craig and his mom and sister were the only other close family I had in the South besides Shelley. Although they were not blood relatives, Craig’s mom and sister were always very kind to me, and I needed to be among people from home if I wanted to make the best of my next four years here in Atlanta. Alabama was only a few hours away from Atlanta, which would make it easy for me to travel there and for Craig to travel to Atlanta.

I knew that we were approaching Athens, Alabama, because I paid close attention to the signs as we drove from town to town. It was something because what seemed like a long drive, in actuality, it was pretty short. In that time, I was able to think about things and think about my life and what it was that I wanted. Prior to arriving to Alabama, I realized that I no longer wanted a relationship with Craig and that I wanted to see where things might go between Quan and me. There had just been too much drama in my relationship and I didn’t know if I could ever trust him again. There was always a female that was coming to me to let me know that she was talking to Craig when we lived in California. Although I forgave him for his indiscretions, I never fully forgave him in my heart, nor had I found it in me to trust him fully again. At this point, I wanted to let go of the past because my issues with Craig were issues that took place right before I finished high school and started school at Valley College. I knew in my heart that I would never want to marry a guy who had been unfaithful to me on more than one occasion and could not treat me the way that I deserved to be treated. I longed to be in a relationship with love, trust, kindness, affection, and with a guy who could be surrounded by the most beautiful girls in the world but his eyes would only look for me. I wanted a guy where I could be myself with and, most importantly, one I could feel safe being with.

Craig did not have the qualities that I wanted in a man. When he was not being self-centered and untrustworthy, he was admiring himself in the mirror. I didn’t find this attractive at all. I didn’t think that a real man would spend more time in the mirror than he did paying attention to his lady. Although I just met Quan, he did not appear to have any of those qualities that Craig had. In fact, he was a manly I could not believe it when Quan told me he was only eighteen, and I was soon to be nineteen in a few months. Quan seemed so much more mature than Craig, and he had educational goals and not just dreams of being in the entertainment industry. Quan was attending college, playing basketball, and he was kind to me, and in the short time that we spent together, he catered to me the entire time. I could not remember when Craig treated me this way, and the few times that he did, it became overshadowed by the not-so-good things that he did. It didn’t dawn on me until the bus driver stated that we were just twenty minutes from Athens, Alabama, that I realized that it was over between Craig and me and that I was more interested in getting to know Quan. I just had to find a way to tell Craig that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with him and for us to end things on a good note as friends. I did not love Craig, and with all the lying and cheating he had done to me and was probably still engaging in, it made it easier for me to let go.

The bus driver said, We have just arrived to Athens, Alabama. Hold tight, I am pulling into the station.

I could see Craig from the window standing outside waiting for me. I was nervous because I had not seen Craig in almost a year. Talking on the phone did not do us any justice because we were limited on how long we could talk. In 1994, long-distance phone calls were not free. I wondered if one day we would be able to call a telephone number across states and no longer have to pay for long-distance calls. This was probably not likely, but it did not hurt to dream.

Craig seemed to be so happy to see me, and I was happy to see him as well. What seemed like such a long time almost immediately felt like we had not been apart for almost a year. Suddenly my feelings for him were coming back to me, but in the back of my mind, I just could not seem to forget about the times he cheated on me and once with my sister’s best friend’s friend, Cyndi. I felt like over the last two years, he had humiliated me and made me feel self-conscious about myself, as though I was not good enough. While we were driving back to his home in Athens, which was about thirty minutes from the Greyhound bus station, I was thinking about all the times when he was easily distracted by other females when we were out together. How he would try to get them to notice him when he didn’t think that I was paying attention. There was even a time when he tried to push up on my very best friend Drea and my Vietnamese friend Xoung. Thankfully, they were truly good friends to me, and they not only brushed him off but they never wanted to be in his presence again after their first encounters with him. Craig was a thirsty dog, and he did not care about my feelings and how he would feel if I had tried to get with one of his closest homeboys. Believe me, all his

Reviews for A Jealous Person Will Kill You, Literally!

[Jeren Rampersad · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is a great book! I highly recommend reading this.