You Are God: A Novel About God, Spirituality, Manifestation, Quantum Mechanics, the Subconscious, and Awakening

By John Lawrence

This book is based on the true story of the first seven months of the authors' lives together, though some names and details have been changed to protect the identities of individuals. Although perhaps seemingly contrary to the book's title, the authors in no way aim to diminish the concept or existence of a one true God. It is their hope that though they had both lived separate and extremely different lives before crossing paths, this story will be able to illustrate the divine beauty and wonder of the intricacies of their individual life events as seen through a collective lens. Like threads woven to complete a fabric, circumstances have brought them together in serendipitous ways to shine a light on each of their individual strengths and weaknesses. Each journey, regardless of one's race, religion, social or economic status, can lead an individual to a deeper understanding and regard for life, nature, and, most of all, other human beings. It is this journey toward enlightenment which we, as the human race, can no longer afford to procrastinate. The time to awaken is now!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Apr 14, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098014773

Book preview

Mrs. Marsha

It was just another regular work day for Anna, and there were five patients she needed to treat that day in the list on her tablet. Her work pad pretty much dictates how her day is going to be—busy or busier. As a home health clinician, Anna has to drive to clients’ houses and provide them with the therapy treatment that they need. Anna saw Mrs. Marsha’s name on the list, and it brought a smile to her face. Mrs. Marsha is a very sweet, kind, spiritual lady, and the two of them share a love for Smith Wigglesworth, a British evangelist born in 1859 who was influential in the early history of the Pentecostal Church. Anna absolutely loves getting to see Mrs. Marsha and getting to spend time talking with her. As she plotted her schedule’s route, Anna realized that Mrs. Marsha would be her first patient of the day.

She was in her Jeep less than a mile away from Mrs. Marsha’s house when she thought of the street name she needed to look for. Anna is terrible with directions and if not for GPS, there would be no way she would ever find her patients—or her way back home for that matter.

Apostle Street, she muttered as she slowly drove through the subdivision, looking for Mrs. Marsha’s house. She continued to drive and eventually made it to the house where she stopped in front of the parking garage. Anna walked up to the garage door and rang the doorbell.

The garage door opened as she heard a muted, I’m upstairs! Mrs. Marsha always left the backdoor unlocked so people could come in after she opened the garage door remotely.

Anna and Marsha went through their usual greetings of hugs and pleasantries and proceeded forward with the treatment and exercises. About forty-five minutes had passed and Anna was finishing her daily treatment notes when out of the blue, Anna found herself saying something very personal which was unusual because Anna is usually very closed and private and pretty much keeps to herself.

I’m getting kinda tired of God, Mrs. Marsha, she said as she sighed, looking down to sign on the tablet and close the treatment.

What do you mean? Marsha responded.

Anna put the tablet in her bag, preparing to leave, and looked up at Mrs. Marsha. I don’t know, just tired. Anna shrugged her shoulders.

Tell me more. How do you pray? Marsha inquired.

How do I pray? Anna asked for clarification with furrowed brows. She answered the question as Mrs. Marsha stared at Anna waiting to continue, I guess like everyone else…sometimes sitting, sometimes while driving, sometimes lying down, sometimes kneeling, and sometimes just talking to God like I am talking to you now.

In what language do you pray? Mrs. Marsha asked.

Hmmm…it just depends. Mostly in English, sometimes in Spanish, or in my native tongue. Anna was fluent in three languages.

What about praying in the Spirit? Do you ever pray in the Spirit? inquired Mrs. Marsha.

You mean speaking in tongues? Anna asked.

Yes, Marsha replied.

No, not really. I’ve really only done it one time when I first became a Christian. My aunt prayed over me. That happened about fifteen or so years ago. Besides how will I know that what I am saying in tongues is what my mind really wants to ask God anyway?

Mrs. Marsha looked at Anna with love as she reached forward and placed one hand on Anna’s hands and one on her head. Anna closed her eyes, and Mrs. Marsha said to her, I am going to pray for you to use that gift. It’s there if you have done it before.

The lady utters some gibberish which sounded to Anna like, Oooooorabayandarayasawasa…eyonamashiastayichambara. And then she breathed on Anna and said, Don’t worry. It’s here now. Just keep praying in the Spirit.

Anna looked at her watch and realized that she needed to head out to her next patient. She thanked Mrs. Marsha for her time and her prayer and then rushed on with her day.

Elite Singles

It was almost 7:00 p.m. by the time Anna got home that night. After having to deal with rush-hour traffic in a city like Atlanta, she was exhausted and decided to make herself a drink. She opened a bottle of vodka and a can of sprite and made herself a drink with a kick to help her unwind. She changed into something more comfortable and laid back to read on her phone. Little did Anna know that her concoction would soon take effect on her empty stomach and lead to a series of events which she would never have imagined.

Anna woke up the next day to the sound of phone notifications going off. Blinking her eyes to clear them in an attempt to be able to see, she looked at her phone and was shocked to find that she had signed up for an online dating app on her phone the night before! The website was EliteSingles.com, and how she chose that specific dating site was beyond her. Anna was not even sure how she had been able to fill out and complete the required information for the site’s registration process. It was a dating site that matches people based on a personality profile which Anna had no recollection of completing. If you were interested in someone who was a match to you based on the site’s criteria, then you would have the opportunity to communicate with them. The site did not allow members to simply search for someone outside of this matching process. Also communication was limited to the website’s messaging system so that the users would not have to give out their personal contact information.

Anna saw pictures of men matched to her personality and saw that she had even responded to one of them! In a state of terror, she read one of the correspondences that she’d apparently had without knowing with a man named John who just happened to be a worship leader.

Worship leader, huh? That’s nice! You know in the Old Testament, only musicians and priests were allowed in the Holy of Holies. You must be special! she read in one of her replies.

Oh my god! What have I done? she reflected as she got up and saw the bottle of vodka, half-empty, by the sink. Oh my god! she exclaimed again as she wondered how the bottle was half-empty. It was newly-opened when she had made her first drink the night before. She deduced that since she was the only one at her place, and since her doors were still locked, she must have made herself another even-stiffer drink which had led to the surprising turn of events.

Anna jumped in the shower in an attempt to pull herself together so she could start her day. She made breakfast, drank coffee and plenty of water hoping to clear her system. Anna decided she would address the previous night’s events with herself at another time.

She was en route to her next patient when she remembered to check her e-mail on her phone. Anna noticed an unusual name—Lawrence something. She opened the email thinking it was her old boyfriend, Joshua¹, and realized that it was instead the guy she had corresponded with the night before! She had apparently even given him her e-mail and her phone number.

Oh my god! she gasped. In panic mode, she put her phone on silent and slipped it back into her pocket and continued on with her day, deciding she would look into it later and uninstall the app to end whatever mess she had started.

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¹ Northern Stars—Anna Legaspi p.118

Long Distance

Her day seemed to be going well as Anna had already seen four out of the six patients she was scheduled to see that day. Anna was en route to her next patient when her phone rang. She answered and heard a male voice from the other end.

May I speak with Anna, please? the voice said.

This is she, Anna calmly responded.

Hi! This is John. How are you? the voice continued.

While scrambling through her thoughts for who the person named John was—a family member, coworker, someone from the doctor’s office—she replied, I’m well, thank you.

It’s so great to finally talk to you in person! This is much easier than e-mailing back-and-forth. You sure are one spunky lady! the caller remarked.

Not wanting it to be obvious that she was still trying to figure out who this John person was, Anna threw a vague reply, hoping his response would shed light on who he really was. What made you say that?

You said in your profile that you are very polarizing. That an individual either really likes you or really doesn’t…that intrigued me! the voice said.

Profile? she asked herself silently; and then, a light bulb went off in her mind. Oh my god, this must be the guy from last night! Mustering her nerves as not to panic, she replied, Oh that! Ha-ha, with a fake laugh, I don’t know what I was thinking.

The voice on the other end replied by recounting how he had enjoyed the correspondence they had via the site’s messaging system which involved a step or two more than even regular e-mail! This, she discovered later by going through the site’s

messaging correspondence, was the reason why she had ended up giving him her e-mail address and phone number. The man proceeded with how they seemed to have a lot in common such as a love of Sherlock Holmes, interests in spirituality, views on God, love for adventure and outdoor activities, knowledge of quantum mechanics, fascination for science, etc.

Anna looked at her Jeep’s GPS and politely informed John that she was still working but would love to continue talking with him later. The man complied and they both hung up. Stay north, 1:11 p.m. She noticed on the GPS screen as she went on about with the rest of her day.

That evening, John called again. They talked about so many different things. They discussed things about themselves that were very similar, such as the fact that they had both been the oldest child, their personal drive and ambition, their views about relationships, including the man being the head of the household, etc. They talked as if they had known each other for years! Even the comfort level with which they opened up and casually discussed their personal lives was very pleasantly surprising for both of them. They also talked about their past hurts—John’s divorce and Anna’s recent breakup. They seemed to be completely comfortable and honest with each other although they had never met.

Their phone conversations continued each and every day after that first phone call. During one of their phone conversations, Anna had, once again, been on her way to one of her patients. She talked through her Jeep’s microphone and enjoyed the conversation while driving.

I still can’t believe how much we have in common, John commented. You only had one picture on your profile. I’m not even normally attracted to Asian women, but something about you drew me.

Well, I still really don’t know how I even ended up on that website that night. Anna joked. I just remember talking to God and being specific with him regarding my husband’s qualities. I want someone who will love me more than I love him. Not by a whole lot but at least by a few percentage points. I think that’s the secret because we women can be crazy sometimes, she went on.

John liked that about Anna. They seemed to always have intellectual, funny, thought-stimulating conversations which he could usually only get from his male friends. He joked back in return and said, I like that! Tell you what. I’ll be Heinz 57, and you can be Richard Petty!

Who’s Richard Petty? Anna asked.

He’s a race-car driver, number 43. Get it? Fifty-seven and forty-three! John excitingly explained.

Anna smiled at the thought of fifty-seven and forty-three equaling a hundred. She stopped her thought after realizing that she was adding his and her percentages and equating it with the 100 percent that she calls love. She looked down at the GPS screen to see how much farther it was to her next patient’s house. Twenty-two minutes it, said. She also noticed that the street she was to turn on was named Speedway Blvd. or Richard Petty Blvd. Anna, being a believer in synchronicity, could not help but remark, Oh my god! What are the odds? You said fifty-seven and forty-three…and that Richard Petty thing explanation you gave, and here I am on a street that I have never been to, and it happens to be named Richard Petty Blvd.! You there in another state and me here… What are the odds?

See, it’s a sign! You know math is the language of God, John stated.

Yeah right! she countered dismissively, although in her mind, she had thought the exact same thing. Okay, gotta go. Talk to ya later! she said and quickly hung up.

Anna read up on synchronicity later on that night. She had remembered reading some article regarding repeating numbers in the past. Even prior to John coming into her life, Anna had already noticed seeing repeating numbers rather frequently. She had always thought of them as a good sign as they made her feel as though angels were surrounding her or that some ascended masters were interceding on her behalf. At least that is what she had gathered from the articles she had read. She laughed at the recollection of seeing the screen say, Stay north at 1:11 p.m. and Richard Petty Blvd. at the end of their last two conversations. It was as if the universe was conspiring to tell her that she was heading in the right direction as far as getting to know John was concerned.

Anna googled the meaning of the name John because she was a believer in the power of words to create, and she liked his name because of its meaning. This became an ingrained belief in her after watching videos of two powerful studies. The first was called Cymatics, about ten years prior to meeting John, which is the study of wave phenomenon and the visible effects of sound and vibration at varying frequencies on salt particles to form complex designs. The second was an experiment which exposed water to different words and then showed how, under a high-powered microscope, the crystals formed different shapes depending on the word spoken as the water froze. Anna believed that since God created the world with simply the power of his word and words are vibrations or a form of frequency, therefore, it was apparent that words can form or cause changes or shifts in energy patterns. John means God has given favor, she read. From that moment on, she saved him in her contacts as John A. The A stood for Anna so that when her phone would ring, a visual and auditory reminder would be displayed which interprets as God has given favor to Anna.

Diapers

Though John and Anna had great number of things in common with each other, they also had traits which were very different between them. John was more of an extrovert and social butterfly while Anna was more of a private, behind-the-scenes kind of gal.

During the beginning of their dating relationship, Anna recalled how John had called her one night and told her that he was in another state doing work for some company. He told her that he was at a gym working out and sent her a picture of himself. You know! One of those pictures posing and flexing. Anna looked at the picture and commented that John had nice legs. Being the self-confident person that John was, Anna’s compliment was not just received and met with a thank you, but instead, John sent her another picture.

What in the world? Anna whispered to herself as she stared at the second photo. She looked at a close-up picture of his legs, and John was wearing what seemed to her like a white cloth diaper! She quickly remembered a stand-up comedy bit on adults who want to dress up like a baby. A visual of the Italian comedian typing on the search bar, I want to dress up like a baby! popped in her mind. The thought made her chuckle.

What a weirdo! she said to herself. Not wanting to be rude, Anna inquired, They let you go to the gym like that? Which gym is this?

John replied, Yes, and said the name of the gym.

Dressed like that? Anna rebutted. Deep inside, she thought to herself, You are about to get blocked, mister!" Internally she somewhat expected he might follow up with a dick pic.

What do you mean? It’s the same outfit! John retorted.

Being the kind of person she is, Anna looked at the picture again and realized that it was the same white shorts from the first picture and John had simply tucked them high up his thighs to show his full quadriceps.

Whew! I see it now! Good god! You were a click away from being blocked! Anna said, relieved. I thought you were wearing diapers! she admitted.

John looked at the picture he had sent and realized that it did look like he was wearing cloth diapers since he pulled it up high to his inguinal region, and they both laughed hysterically. It was priceless!

Skydiving

John’s first skydiving jump.

You are my wife, and I am coming to marry you! John declared over the phone during one of their conversations.

Hah! You’re crazy! You haven’t even met me. How do you know if I really look like that one picture that I used on my profile? Anna spurned.

I just know! John insisted. So when can I come and meet you? he continued.

Anna and John had been talking for at least two hours on the phone daily since the first phone call. Though it had only been a couple of weeks, they had gotten to know a lot about each other already.

I am going skydiving this weekend. Wanna come? Anna offered.

Heck yeah! John responded instantaneously.

Really? Anna questioned.

You think I’m kidding? John countered.

"Okay then, mister! But let me warn you, if you jump with me, you will be mine!" Anna taunted.

Game on! John jabbed.

They continued their conversation discussing the time, where to meet, where John would stay, etc. They decided that John would arrive Friday evening so they could drive together early Saturday morning to Thomaston, Georgia, which was about an hour away from Anna’s place. They even agreed that John could stay over at Anna’s place and sleep on her couch. This was an offer that Anna was even shocked she had made, being that she had not even met this man in person yet and did not know if what little she knew about him was actually true. She knew that he claimed