Trip To America

By Liana Margiva

"This night, when the sky will be veiled by darkness, which will swallow Earth, I'll come to you-not in person but in a dream when I'm free as a bird. I'll come to see you, to please my heart regardless of the fact that my heart doesn't matter to you anymore, because it loves you like it did when it still believed in your love. This night, when the world slips into peaceful sleep, when the stars come out to replace the sun, I'll come to you to please my eyes, which still yearn to see you. Put your arms around me, kiss me in your dream, and deceive my heart again, as you did before. Kiss my eyes to make them believe you're the one who you pretended to be. The world without you is called loneliness, and loneliness is soul pain, yearning for you. If just once I could visit you in a dream, to awaken your sleeping heart, to rekindle the fire that used to burn in it, I would be lonely no more."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 10, 2020
• ISBN: 9781646706532

Book preview

Poems

1

Don’t Look into My Eyes

Don’t look into my eyes, we haven’t met before.

Perhaps, you found the one you have been looking for?

The one you sought when on a quiet night

You counted stars and basked in their light.

Don’t look into my eyes, you’ll catch no more

In my extinguished gaze, the passion of before.

Don’t look into my eyes, have mercy on your heart

I am, indeed, the one who with your dreams won’t part,

The one you wished to hold in your embrace forever,

Whose hand you wouldn’t let out of yours, no, never

When on the sand together by the ocean

We sat while seagulls sang the piercing songs of passion.

The one whose arm you stroked as if you touched a rose…

But wind would stir a storm and rose petals scattered

Across the Universe and you set off to roam,

The distant fields in search of tender petals.

But petals withered many years ago, recalling days

When beauty ruled the World and opened every door.

Life shorter was than poor petals pondered.

Don’t look into my eyes, wipe off your tears

Don’t wait for me to cry, I have no tears left,

They dried long time ago,

Evaporated many years before you found me.

Don’t look for answer to the question why

You failed to fall in love with lonesome me,

Why never picked me out of the crowd

And don’t you dare say that love, like life

Has drifted off into the distant past.

Now look into my eyes, it’s time,

To take my hand like in your distant dream

When roses were in bloom, untouched by storm

And no need for you to gather petals…

Now look into my eyes and you will see

The one who waited on the beach alone

For ocean ship that carried you to me

When Spring was decorating trees with bloom.

The waves were running towards me and I

Thought that they carried news of bliss to come,

They bathed my feet with foam and caressed me,

Embraced me tenderly, but you they couldn’t replace.

But waves receded, ran away for deep

And beckoned me to join them in the ocean,

The mirage blurred, the ocean ship dissolved

With you, my only dream, your only passion.

Now look into my eyes, it’s truly me,

For whom the birds would sing in lonely nights

While you were searching for the only path

That would one day lead you to my abode.

It’s me who Summer Sun forever failed to warm

While you were walking long and winding path.

It’s me whose Autumn came while I awaited Spring.

Don’t look into my eyes, you are the pain

Of my tormented soul, you are the only healer

Who wished for patient’s wounds to never close.

2

The Moon

I asked the Moon if it is really true

That once my heart died I will ascend to skies

And from celestial heights I will observe the Earth?

And is it true that poor soul of mine

That suffering bondage carried from the cradle

Will find eternal peace in stellar kingdom?

Halt there, Moon, don’t rush to leave the skies

Entire night is still ahead of us.

Perhaps you wish to spend another night with me?

Don’t leave as yet, don’t plunge my soul in dark abyss.

This night, as many nights before have no one to talk to.

Or, perhaps, the loneliness you never knew

When on the sleeping sky the stars were burning

With fierce fire of their love for you?

Oh, Moon, d’you wish to know what happened to my heart

When farewell it bid to love forever,

When dreams were laid to rest with love

And it was destined to remain alone evermore?

There was the time when, waiting for the bliss,

My heart was blooming with the flowers’ blossoms

And held no grudge to them when the one I loved

Gave none to me.

Perhaps, you’ve never met the Sun

Which scorches wild grass of the Earth,

And dries up rivers running with untroubled waters,

The same almighty Sun that’s powerless to warm

The anguished heart and dry the tears

Cried for love that’s gone?

The longer you loom above the Earth, oh, Moon,

The deeper is your love for it,

But time will come and you will fade away,

The Chronos will erase all memories of you

As if you never rose and basked the Earth in glow;

As if I never loved and never cried,

As if I never waited for you on those sleepless nights.

Oh, no, Moon, I fear not the Death

Which will unlock the loneliness’ embrace

And set my soul to roam the Heavens

Enjoying Freedom’s sweetness.

But clouds the bliss the thought that I will never see

The splendor of the Dawn when I was waiting

My life entire for the wanderer lost.

So, on this night of our silent banter, here I am

Beneath the withered tree which, like myself,

Completed its life’s travel;

Amongst the carcasses of dreams that used to lift

On their wings to heights that you are ruling;

Amongst the ruins of heart that was to pieces torn

And that’s still bleeding through the cracks in time.

But who am I to blame the fate?

I was reborn and raised from naught to Heavens

Through lines of verse, and if they bound to live

Or perish with my mortal body,

The Moon alone will know.

But still I hope to look into the eyes

Where glimpse of my sad soul I won’t perceive!

For once at least in stranger’s eyes to see his love…

…Behold, a flock of wild geese scratched the sky,

They glorified the dawning of new day.

The Moon was hidden by the cloud covers

And night was gone, away to distant land

Where I was loving, dreaming of the one

Who never came along…

3

Don’t Weep, My Guitar

What do you weep about, my guitar?

Who left his soul behind inside you?

Whose heart is weeping in unison?

Perhaps, you weep for me…

He found me not and all my days

I spent without him and waited

When flowers bloomed on trees,

When rain did wash my tears away.

When yellow leaves were dying,

When snowflakes my solitude embraced.

Don’t crucify me, torture, lie to me, guitar,

That I was sought and missed

When during sleepless nights in misery’s embrace

I listened to the sweet talk of the stars

That ceased to be a dream and their twinkle

Would beckon me into another world

Where torment I’d forget.

Don’t weep, guitar, I know,

Abysmal sorrow I must endure,

As fate has ruled. The days of life will fade

And I will leave this world

That happiness denied to my tormented soul.

Who would surmise that solitude like noose

Was strangling my heart?

That heart of mine that loved

For good unloved remained?

But I will gain my peace

I knew not under Sun

When I will cross the line

And fade away.

Don’t hurt that soul of mine, guitar,

The taste of love it has forgotten.

Don’t strain your strings

To lift it up to Heaven.

And don’t remind me that the Love

Remained a stranger to my tortured heart,

Remained a dream that never would come true,

Afraid of fierce passion that was burning

Inside my lonely soul.

Don’t weep, guitar, let me forget

That for this soul which yearned for Love

Yet Love knew not, the life has gone.

Weep, my guitar, cry tears but don’t let

The Love forget that all my life

For Love I always longed,

That this was once the world

That I dwelt in!

4

Clouds

Don’t look at me from awesome height

The clouds far above

You won’t seduce me with your might,

With beauty that I love.

Don’t beckon me to join you there

Where birds and winds do fly

I’ll stay on Earth and I won’t leave

For freedom of the sky.

I’ll stay on Earth where I knew pain

Where short was happiness,

But that I never will exchange

For your celestial dress.

The Earth is pretty any day,

But if I were to pick

I would, of course, prefer to stay

In colorful Spring’s flick.

When flowers bloom and flocks of birds

That fly from far away

Sing their odes to Mother Earth

And praise the dawning day.

Don’t look at me from midday sky,

The clouds lost in dreams.

Don’t promise bliss and paradise,

I don’t know what it means.

I know the hell of solitude

Which was my normal state,

Don’t promise peace in endless sky

I knew no peaceful fate.

I dreamed to wrestle captive love

From heavy iron chains

That fate had forged in hell’s hot stove,

But my fight was in vain.

Don’t look at me from midnight skies

The clouds that veil the Moon,

I had a short and wretched life

And death can’t come too soon.

The golden dawn with me can’t part

’Cause any given morning

For it I waited in my yard

And blessed each sacred dawning.

Don’t hint that our rendezvous

Is closer with every hour,

I love this Earth, I won’t give up

And you have no power

To substitute all sleepless nights

I spent in her embrace

By mindless ogling of the Earth

From cool and lifeless space.

Don’t warn me that the life is gone,

My youth is fresh in mind.

I knew by love I would be found

And fate would soon be kind.

I knew the eyes will shine with bliss

And not a flash too soon,

I will be held to lover’s heart

Like tender flower’s bloom.

There wasn’t a slightest rationale

To deprave me of love,

My soul was pure and it shined

Just like the clouds above.

But no one’s eyes did flash with bliss,

Indifference joined the hate

To get me back for my caprice

To dream of love as fate.

Oh, no, the soul does not get old,

Mine withered like a rose

Squished by the heavy stone of life:

The final page is closed.

Don’t look at me from awesome height

The clouds up in space,

The promise of eternal life

I never will embrace.

Eternal suffering is not

Perceived as biggest gain.

Leave me on Earth a little spot

Where Earth will drain my pain.

Oh, clouds, pray, don’t go away,

Don’t leave the vacant sky,

Lie to my heart that you will wait

For me till the day I die.

Speak to my heart and soothe its pain

Keep it in joy enshrined,

And chase its solitude away

Amongst the vocal crowds!

5

Shakespeare’s Sonnets

When I complete my tenure on this Earth

My final wish will be to pack along your sonnets.

In them the pain and angst of tortured soul of mine.

Oh, William Shakespeare, what price you paid

For verse eternity, what pain you bore!

I know, I’ve been there.

Behind thick foliants how many people gleamed

The anguish of your soul by treason wounded?

You walked the path of suffering and sorrow

Towards the gleaming tower of greatness!

Your golden stylus in eternity emblazoned

The one who was a naught without you.

Although there are centuries between us

I still can hear in the silent night

The martyr’s moans, a soul just like mine.

You are the great Shakespeare, no doubt.

And me, I’m just a speck of dust, a tiny droplet,

But your sonnets you must have, truly, copied

From my tormented soul.

By whim of destiny depraved of peace and love

My poor heart is weeping year round

Awash in misery…

The withered foliage—another grim reminder

Of my impending fate which reeks of soggy earth

Soon to embrace the one

Who dwelled, not lived in this eternal world

In search of happiness.

Oh, William Shakespeare, so distant, yet so close!

You, of all people, have discovered

Unanswered love’s cruelty and anguish!

I follow behind you in your footsteps

Still, after all this time

The same I carry burden

And wondering if posterity would record

The screams of a martyr.

6

To Georg Mateos

Twelve months I waited for the name to ring

The one my heart forever chose to sing.

Behold, the Sun dimmed down on Summer day

And heralded the sad news as I prayed

With candle in my hand for poet’s life.

Alas, he ended his eternal strife

And left the em’rald pastures of this world

To sit with Lord in his celestial court.

My heart is filled with deep and nagging pain,

My eyes with tears fill time and again,

But futile are my efforts to drain out

The vessel filled with grief, without doubt.

Oh, gentle poet, how I wish you knew

The depth of love I nursed inside for you!

And how I cherished more than earthly things

Your words that glow like prized pearls on strings

As if I knew ahead that your Earth years

Were shorter than my days, all filled with tears.

I used to fill with pride when, basking in your fame,

Sometimes you were so kind to say my name.

Immortal poets I have known before

Who wrote volumes of undying lore,

But never in my life had I met the one

In flesh and blood, and now he is gone!

The stormy clouds march along the sky

They whisper: there’s no death, don’t cry!

God loved the poet (mentioned not in vain)—

He mercifully rid him of his pain.

God loved the poet? Maybe loved too much.

Endowed the man with talent hard to touch.

A talent given only from above

To single mortals who deserve His love.

But even if he failed to earn his name,

I would have loved him all the very same.

The poet’s soul ascended to the sky

And from this day on, as we mourn and cry,

God has acquired a new and trusted friend

Who’ll keep him company for centuries on end.

God’s gain, my loss, but poets never die,

They are committed to eternal time,

God gives them wounded hearts to bleed destined

So verse in blood forever is inscribed.

That’s why in light of day and dark of night

The poets scream with pain and shake with fright

When they extract the words from scars that bleed

On their hearts, for all of us to heed.

Hey, there, dazzling stars exploding with delight!

Move over for the one that’s extra bright,

The one that’s shadowed all its peers in sky

For all of us eternally to shine!

7

Tell Me You Love Me

Say you love me and never extinguish the fire

That kindled my heart’s firestorm of desire.

Look in my eyes, they are burning much hotter than flames

With my passion for you, when in awe I pronounce your name.

Someone said that when people are poor in love

Their eyes fill with tears as roads they aimlessly rove.

Tears run all day long with no credible reason at all,

Those people, who fail their grief to forestall.

Touch me lightly on lips, sending chills through my fluttering heart,

Put your arms around me, whisper softly, Till death do us part.

Let my soul fill with warmth of your caring, passionate touch,

And together we can, no doubt, accomplish so much.

Someone said that when people are poor in love,

Their hearts overfill with the misery they can’t rebuff.

Look above, twinkling stars on the night’s velvet dress

Will be there for us to prolong happiness.

Someone said that when people are poor in love,

They beg stars not to leave their place high above.

Lonely people need someone in the night of their sad fate to talk.

Take my hand, squeeze it tight, let the heart be aware:

You’re my solid support, closest one, I do swear.

Someone said that when people are poor in love,

All they miss is embrace, holding hands in a grove.

Beg you, say it again while the stars are still shining above

That forever you’re mine, and no one ever may claim your love.

Someone said: solitude does inhabit the heart

When your beloved betrays and you drift far apart.

Swear to me, and the stars may the witness to bear,

That you will be my Sun, and may darkness and fears beware.

And at dawn’s early hour your lips will be touching my eyes

Making sure no tear from their abyss would arise.

Making sure no tear would ever run down my cheek

Like a dew drop that down rose petals would streak

Born of sorrow that joy was so brief and so bleak.

As the Sun does complete its celestial round

And retire till dawn, night will ride into town.

Gentle kiss on my lips, your sweet whisper in my ear

Sun is gone, but don’t cry, for I am with you, dear.

Someone said that the people not warmed by the Love

Spend their nights outside, eyeing heavens above.

They aspire to get one brief glimpse of the Moon

And to give it their love, not a moment too soon.

Say, you love me and promise that you’ll never leave,

For it’s really, really hard to conceive

That you’d wish me to have all the wares and tears

Of the ones who without Love end their years!

8

Do You Recall, Old Man?

Old man, do you recall her love for you those days?

And how you looked at her, dispassion in your gaze.

Back then when your young blood was boiling in your veins,

Your lips were cold as ice when they would touch her face.

You thought the youth would last into infinitude

You frolicked with the tramps and stayed away from prudes.

Once on a fine Spring day you turned and walked away

From the one and only love who wanted you to stay.

She spoke to moon and stars on sleepless, lonely nights,

While she was loving you, she was dying inside.

Old man, remember passion in your eyes?

Before the old age doused the fire inside.

Those days are gone, extinguished is the fire,

Decrepitude succeeded the desire.

Far off from you, she relished their glare,

Consumed by anguish, ravished by despair.

Her own eyes’ sorrowful abyss

Away from her you hardly ever missed.

Old man, do you recall how time and time again

You uttered words of love without slightest strain?

You sang the songs of love to those who never cared,

Not to the one who thought of you as dream that never came through.

The one whose heart for you kept on for years yearning,

And on whose skin your touch continued burning.

Deprived of your embrace you generously granted

To scores of groupies by your charm enchanted,

Her loving heart was weeping day and night.

But you were deaf to heart’s incessant wailing,

Consumed by your pursuit of butterflies’ free flight.

Old man, how would you like to learn about being

Without the one for whom your heart is dreaming?

The Sun destroys the grass and dries the streams,

Only the heart wouldn’t let the Sun close by,

It misses you, so distant and so dear,

You—happy, careless, who stole its joy of life.

Deprived of love and, thus, depraved of light,

The heart is wailing on a lonely night,

For one who found bliss in others’ sweet embrace,

The one locked the heart in gloomy maze.

Old man, life’s Summer season doesn’t last:

Before you know it, happiness is past.

Only the heart is mournful,

The pain of love rejected never leaves it,

It weeps because no one has ever loved it,

Another heart was chosen instead.

9

Portrait

Your loving eyes from an old photograph

Stare at me through the haze of time.

Why this affection when never before

You loved me, nor savored my love?

Why you bothered to show up now,

When, alas, all my life is behind me?

Or, perhaps, you were not aware

That someone in the Kingdom of Ice

Was worshipping you and desiring?

Why are you staring now through time

As if I was your chosen one, when

Another one was on your mind?

So, why are you stirring my soul? It has died

Waiting for your long journey back.

Why rekindle the fire of my dreams

By the memory of your Spanish passion?

Why this smile on the lips of a youth,

Those lips that my face never touched?

Could it be that for one fleeting moment

You remembered the one who was waiting,

Who was longing for you, darling Spaniard

At the time when you put a wedding band

On the finger of some other woman?

No, the passion was never rekindled

In those darling Spanish eyes like before.

But in sweet dreams of mine I touched you

With the warm breath of my fervent love,

Waking up in the morning and finding

Only loneliness in my embrace.

How I wish I could turn back the time

Just to put my arms ’round your shoulders

And to see my reflection again

In the stare of beloved Spanish eyes!

10

Lonely Heart

Tell me, oh, lonely heart,

What sadness had thou gripped

Amidst the moonlit plains?

What bothers thou in this tranquil and blissful place?

Who took thy peace and vanished in the night?

Who made thou trust in fairy tale of love?

Who taught thou to believe in being needed

By someone in this world?

Who took away the sweetness of thy dreams destined not to come true?

Who filled thou with the yearning for happiness?

Who laughed at thou by promising the heavens,

Whilst casting thou to hell?

Oh, lonely heart, the tortured heart!

What is thy guilt, and why thy fate has been

To bear this Cross of Loneliness?

11

Music

The Spring arrived when everyone quit waiting,

But leaves are not in rush to sprout, hesitating,

They fail to comprehend impatience of the branches

That waited for so long oppressed by weight of snow.

The lovesick fog hangs out in the brush and hugs the trees,

Its love absorbed the Spring, obscured the way.

So nervous birds abandoned their prey

And lost the way to nests that held new life,

They joined the chorus of exited peers

In their plea to fog to ease their fears

And leave the hospitable woods

Where hungry offspring begged for food.

The rain came pouring from the cloudy sky:

The bliss of Spring made poor fellow cry.

The wind pried out of fair maiden’s hands

A flower which she used with no pretense

For fortune-telling purpose to inquire

If her Prince Charming had the same desire.

The flower with its remaining petal

Preserved the secret of her lover’s heart:

He loved her not and they would drift apart.

The bubbling brook took over from the wind

And carried wretched flower with its secret

Of love that never meant to be.

The music plays a cheerless sound

Ignoring gorgeous Spring around,

The flowers don’t smell and fell to ruin

The altar where love once reigned.

Worshipped in vain by the young and old

It was but a lie by priests sold.

An orange bird on branch up there

Cries with the tune that hearts does tear.

The leaves are pleading with the wind

To shake off tears of their skins.

They know not the reason why

In Spring someone would need to cry.

In their weeklong, blissful lives

They knew no misery or strife.

Poor leaves assume that bliss is norm

Until they weather mighty storm

And get a whipping by the hail

And feel like heart that’s doomed to fail

Destroyed by cruel, spiteful love,

Like hail descending from above.

The tiny leaves on branches sway

Touched gently by the silver wind

To whom they pledged eternal love

But Fall will come and from above

The wind with vengeance will descend

And to their doom the leaves will send.

The music plays its mournful score,

The joy of Spring to be no more,

Reminds the trees: you now bloom

But very soon you’ll meet your doom.

For nothing’s lasting on this Earth

Except its own stone and dust.

Yet, branches fail to yield to gloom

With leaves that soon will meet their doom,

With slayer wind that harbors death.

They waltz to someone’s anguished tune.

Their older kin that rots in soil

Not far from carnival’s tinfoil

Aware fully that demise

Is what once was their paradise.

They know the pain, but yearn for Spring

When up on branches birds did sing

And leaves would flutter in the breeze

Convinced that life will never cease.

The tune bemoans the love long lost

That heart would not recall to host.

Presiding on the wake for love

Betrayal stares from above

While poor heart still weeps and mourns

By treason wounded, badly burnt.

Oh, music, why continue play?

Why paint Spring days in black and gray?

As green young leave in height of Spring

I joined this World of love to sing.

I sacrificed my heart and soul

On love’s altar like Sun to burn.

And though the Sun did brightly glare

Its shine had none of warmth to share,

And when its rays would touch my soul

They burned like hot and blazing coals.

My heart’s joy was a brief affair:

Pierced by apathy’s glum stare

It withered like a new spring leaf

That learned the spring storm’s brutal grief.

I was desired, haunted, and adored

By those about whom I never cared,

But objects of my own desire

Would never light their hearts on fire.

Thus whispered fair maiden, chasing after

The flower that was carried by the stream.

And music plays on, cries of love

That longed to be Eternal Spring,

But never lasted through the Winter.

Destroyed by Treason, she is mourned

By sad strings’ tune and dismal song

On Spring’s May day when Earth delights

And basks in Sun’s eternal light.

12

Never

I asked the stars fading from the sky

If he, who I was shining for amongst you

By any chance did call for me?

My simple question did, indeed, surprise them,

And Never! was the answer to my query.

I asked the Dawn who used to bring his letters,

When will I hear from my friend again?

Responded Dawn by laughter and a Never!

Another one he added to collection.

I asked the Thunder if, perhaps, it is

The messenger of my friend’s deepest feelings?

Why, never! Thunder cracked

And flashed a bolt of lightning.

I asked the Rain if it, perhaps,

Brought down the tears shed by one

Who used to love me?

But raindrops whispered Never!

And soaked me to the bone.

I asked the Flowers in a distant field

If He, perhaps, implored them

To be a bright memento of his love?

But Never! laughed the Flowers

And closed their buds.

I asked the Sun which shone through morning mist

When will my friend come by and warm my soul?

Oh, never! flared the Sun and hid in clouds.

I asked the Night, descending over Earth

If ever I can sleep and dream again?

The Night her starry dice did roll,

And yielded yet another Never!

I asked his Portrait hanging on my wall

If He did know this day

Would never be repeated,

Another day with you deep in my heart?

He flashed a wily smile and dropped a Never!

I asked the Heart which fluttered in my chest

If ever it will be content if He is not around?

Oh, Never, pounded Heart

And graced me with the pain.

I thought, perhaps, my friend

Has lost his will to write

And asked the Wind to tell me that I am

Still on the Altar of his love?

But Never! howled the Wind and blew away.

I asked the Tree, a witness of the joy

We both used to share,

Was it, perhaps, aware

That love wasn’t meant to last?

I always knew it, sighed the tree

And shrugged the morning dew

To wash away the misery.

I asked the Solitude, my eternal escort

If friend of mine, perhaps,

Implored it to replace it by his presence?

But Never! was the Solitude’s reply

Accompanied by timid smile.

I then inquired of All:

What must be done

To change my fate?

But silence reigned.

To Heavens was my final plea:

Why did he speak of love

If that was all a lie?

13

No, I Don’t Want to Die in Spring

No, I don’t want to die in the Spring

Can’t deprive all the flowers of my love,

And the birds of all colors won’t have to mourn

At the break of the dawn finding me in the backyard.

Yellow leaves will my treason forgive

As they flutter around in search of my tomb,

Of the one who adored them so much in her life.

Only snow will triumph my demise

My indifference to Winter forgive it will not.

Earth, I won’t let you gobble up my flesh,

I refuse to be eaten by sickening worms.

I have suffered too much in this life to deserve

Such disgusting an end!

Let the Ocean inherit my tormented heart,

Cause the Ocean’s the one who I always adored,

Who did not give me pain in exchange for my love.

Let it have my ashes, the remnants of flesh

That concealed lonely soul of a mortal.

I will turn into wave for eternity’s length,

And the freedom that’s been long awaited will gain.

I’ll return to the land and will foam up the sand,

To the land where I longed for the peace and the love.

And will give it a sweet and adoring embrace.

14

Poet

Write a verse about love, dear poet!

Shed some bitter tears on the paper,

Break in, like a burglar, into hearts

And etch in stone the pain by rhymes forever!

Speak on behalf of those who have no strength to write,

Light a candle with the fire of thy words

In memory of those who suffered!

Tell them, oh, bard, how on a sleepless night

Thou dip the stylus in thy own blood to write!

Tell them what price thou pay for gift from Heavens,

And from what hell, what agony, what torment,

Thy elegies are born!

15

Poor Heart

After meeting the loved one

The heart was exploding with bliss

Mere moments have passed

And it looked up at heavens

Querying silently the Creator

Is this all I deserve from you?

Sneered grimly as it has sought

The Rose of Life far and wide

But instead it runs into a weed

Feeling sorry for him, it was trapped.

Having absorbed the misfortunate one,

It committed itself to a life of misery.

It knew not of the volcano of sickness

In the brain of the loved one,

Which was dormant but had

Random eruptions

During those four long, joyless Springs

Depraved of light and harmony.

The poor heart was taken prisoner:

It was mourning and grieving,

And breaking into tiny pieces

From the unbearable pain.

Through burning tears

It pleaded with Almighty for freedom,

But would not admit that it was

In love with a madman.

Oh, how it wished that it had known

That he was a madman, a liar and a cheat

Before falling in love with his empty case,

The pain would not have penetrated so deep

And suffering would not have lasted.

Oh, poor heart, please forgive your fortune

For not protecting you from ardent passion,

From fires of Hell where you were set ablaze

Until the time had come for suffering to end

At Prophet’s will.

For four long, despondent Springs

When trees not bloomed

And flowers not budded

You dragged your days

In misery garden

And Ocean was so still,

Having passed on to you

Its raving wrath.

The sun warmed not the air

And freshness was amiss

In morning dew.

All that was heart’s old life

Was gone for evermore

Like nightmare’s brief descent.

Behold the poor heart

Which solitude embraced

And thought of Love

Like of a madman’s dream.

16

Old Tree

Oh, heavens, please, don’t cry,

In vain don’t shed your tears,

You won’t be able to relieve my fears!

May clouds wonder ’cross the mournful sky,

May thunder boom,

In their ignorance may they try

To stall my doom.

Farewell to fog, forever we may part,

I keep a special place for you in my big heart.

When you enwrapped the earth in tender grief,

When mystified World faded in your mist,

I felt like I was of essence, I felt strong,

While people sought me out all day long,

In you I hid…

Who could have known the Sun for me will die

And merry birds will haughtily fly by.

As if they never nested in my crown,

Or used my leaves as shield from Nature’s frown.

Majestic Moon alone is looking on

Her gloomy visage hides a silent scorn.

She always knew: the leaves will rust and die,

The branches wither as the time goes by.

Another tree will spring its youthful crown

Right on the spot where proudly I went down.

Oh, if I could somehow roll back time

And get my life back to return to prime!

I would become a bird with plumage crimson red

The tint of blood that lovers’ hearts do shed.

Their grievous moans beneath my sprawling crown

Would lift me up to heavens, never down.

I’d soar above the Earth, enjoying Freedom’s air

We never value it, as long as plenty’s there.

I’d scream to rivers: run along, rejoice

As long as streams are full, you have a mighty voice.

Although infinite, the Life does have its end,

The more it is enjoyed, the faster it is spent.

Pray, streams, enjoy and relish Life,

As long as water loves you.

Akin to lover, who makes up your being…

But time will come and send the water fleeing

To heaven as a vapor, murky haze,

Attracted by the Sun’s eternal blaze.

The rains of Spring are pounding the Earth,

They wash leftover Winter’s dreary dirt.

The leaves are dancing to the happy tune

Of someone’s bliss and to the wind they croon.

They care not that under blazing Sun

My branches withered and my bark is gone.

They sing and dance, oblivious to the fate

That stalks them at the Autumn’s somber gate.

The very wind that plays with them today

Will rip them off the branches to decay…

In common graves.

We stubbornly don’t learn to value life

Until we face Grim Reaper’s crooked knife.

We bask in dreams of life’s eternal light

Until we hear the creepy knock at night.

17

Leaves

Leaves are mourning golden color

Fall has painted their girlfriends,

They are mourning when it’s raining,

When the wind is thrashing branches,

Able not to find its peace.

Know leaves that on such dark day

Death may come like bolt of thunder,

Claiming its forsaken victims

That will fall like knights in battle

Ripped off branches by the wind,

And destroyed without mercy

In some crazy, wild vendetta.

Sun will shine, as always, brightly,

Rain will fall to feed the grasses,

And amongst the early blossoms

Birds will chant the hymns to Spring

That will fill with great contentment

Lonely hearts that ache for passion.

Everything will be like always,

But today the leaves will wither

No miracle will save them.

Sun won’t shine for them tomorrow,

Bare trees will soon forget them,

They will turn to worthless garbage,

Useless litter on the ground

That in plastic bags will rot.

18

Love

Love, have you heard the call of heart?

It yearned for you like flowers yearn for Sun.

I knew it, I believed beyond the doubt

That near or far away beneath this endless sky

A soul that yearns for me I finally will find.

A soul that countless times did lose its way

Mistakenly with others did it stay,

But then, mistake acknowledged, it would flee

Its wings wide spread, on lengthy quest for me.

Life river’s mighty waters churned the time,

And drowned my youth and chilled my blood

That used to simmer on the fire of love.

The shine of eyes, reflection of the fire

That burned in soul and fed my love’s desire

Extinguished was…

The youth, a passing instant, it was gone

And with it gone were sweet dreams and desires,

And Spring has lost its cute fragrance of love.

And stars have lost their luster up above.

The only thing that lingers in the shadows

Is bitter taste of disappointments past.

Love, before me you appeared

When all my hopes had faded in a fog.

Now, feed the hungry heart,

Don’t let a tiny spark that’s left of huge bonfire

To vanish and become a speck of ash!

Allow the heart to cry out the pain

That’s stuck in it like nasty jagged splinter,

Fire up extinguished passion and allow

Dreams’ glowing ambers to blaze again!

Brush your sweet cheek against my lifeless face:

It knew the sorrow’s pain and desperation’s taste

When Solitude caressed it in your place.

And touch the lips that ceased not waiting,

Let them the gates of paradise to pass

When our hearts will join as one at last.

They almost turned to stone in wait for you.

The long-awaited Love’s kiss is as blissful

As fragrant air in the Garden of Eden.

So, kiss me on the eyes, my love and dry

The tears that flow profusely from my heart.

And whisper in my ear that you missed me,

My image kept and cherished in your heart

And I’ll forget the pain and solitude

That life me so generously offered.

Chase away the sorrow

That made a nest for years in my heart.

Don’t let it the soul before its time expire,

Embrace it, wrap your wings around it

So it may now awake from sickly slumber!

19

To Georg Mateos

Once a Century a genius is born,

The common wisdom says,

But Khayyam’s clout posted record

And made the Mankind wait

For ten times longer

Until Mateos Georg

Brought Khayyam’s words to life.

Khayyam a drop of water glorified

And turned it in impervious star

Until Mateos Georg immortalized it yet again.

Omar Khayyam was partial to wine

In which he tried to drown his chagrin,

But no such wine exists to wash away

The pain that Georg endured.

His pain remained in verse to stay

Engaged forever with Khayyam.

Omar Khayyam remains

My true eternal love,

In who’s sweet verse

I always found delight.

This love uncovered hidden path

That led me to Mateos Georg

To make me happy once again

In poet’s glory basked.

Georg was unwanted as a little child

Just to become a darling of the people.

God chooses to deprive us of a gift

Yet to bestow another one of value

Surpassing the original bequest.

A poet’s tender heart, akin a bird

Perched on a crooked branch

With broken wing, and, longing for a flight,

Inquired of Creator time and again:

"Do you recall the one you mercilessly thrashed,

to whom you sent one pain after another, who’s

life you turned to Hell?"

It’s challenging to be Omar Khayyam:

It took him centuries to climb to sunlit summit.

And dearly he paid for his triumph:

In solitude and blood his verse was written.

In broken window clad in ice, which hangs in empty room,

In martyr’s eyes you’ll find the words

That yesteryear were written,

Yet you will cherish those words forever,

The wind was whispering to poet,

Who longed for love in anguish and despair.

20

Moon, Wait

I couldn’t wait for you, oh, Moon, to grace the starry sky

So I could have someone to start a conversation

Could hardly wait for wind’s insanity to die

Could hardly wait for Sun to take a night’s vacation.

I waited for the birds to settle for the night,

To rest their wings, their strength restoring.

Their tiny eyes to close incautiously tight,

Their tiny hearts warmed up by dreams of soaring.

The happy souls will gain eternal peace

In tight embrace by sacred love anointed.

Night will belong to us and we’ll revel in bliss

In our dark abode by midnight stars appointed.

Let’s talk about the past, let’s share stories

From our lives we spent apart.

Recount adventures and forgotten worries

From olden times when love we once discovered.

Do you recall, oh, Moon, the dragging wait

In twilight, for your royal entrance?

The weeping of my heart in mourning state

Renounced by the love and yearning for acceptance?

Recall my eyes scorched by the dreadful pain,

Unable to behold the sight of someone dear,

They peered into darkness, all in vain

Discerning not what should have been so clear.

My lips were aching for his tender touch

To sooth the scorching heat of blazing passion.

Behold, oh, Moon, the wind is now awake,

The rose bush it ravishes with ardor

As if committing it to die at stake

For some offense becoming of a martyr.

The wind can’t pardon rose’s blatant crime:

A flagrant disregard for his persona.

I fact, the rose was biding her sweet time

Awaiting Moon’s arrival.

The wind is blasting, brutal and severe,

It ravishes the petals like a savage,

As if it gives a damn for heart’s despair,

For tears pouring over cruel carnage.

Remember, Moon, the golden days of bliss?

I was in love, consumed by its desires.

Afraid to close my eyes so not to miss

A single spark of love’s eternal fire.

Excited, I was waiting for the night

To share my joy with your celestial presence,

And at the break of morning’s golden light

I told the flowers of my love’s great present.

And tears of joy were showering

Upon their petals.

My soul performed a dance of sheer joy

Upon the fluffy blanket of the clouds,

But my delight was very soon destroyed:

Love flew away and left me ever cowed.

My heart made loud and despairing moan,

Awaking birds, asleep in distant meadows,

And made them angry, since it wasn’t yet dawn,

They weren’t ready to come out of shadows.

My bitter tears woke up the sleeping wind:

Its angry howl awakened sleepy hollow.

It tore on leaves and twisted branches skinned,

Then blew away, departing night to follow.

"Rejoice, you, leaves, still hanging on the trees,

Your time has not yet come," the echo blared.

Rain spilled the tears to fill the low seas,

By Summer’s scorch ferociously seared.

"The Sun will rise again and warm your heart,

The Spring will bloom, old wounds will heal," I hear

The whispering of raindrops, it’s a start

Of something that I hold so sacred and so dear.

You hear, Moon, all this had come to pass,

A lot of words were said, but none expressed it:

The time will come for love to die, alas,

It will become too deadly to possess it.

Sun rays will never penetrate the dark

Of somber heart that’s icy and deserted.

It won’t let in God’s warm and shiny spark

Forever staying to the love alerted.

My eyes will step up their search for you,

In awe awaiting your majestic entrance.

Perhaps, my presence here is overdue,

Perhaps I should accept my sad repentance.

The time has come to leave my neighborhood,

Collect my sore memories and tokens

Move closer to you, for real, for good,

What say you, Moon? Enough said, I have spoken.

21

Wait, Love

Wait, Love, don’t leave, don’t say it’s late

By your retreat don’t seal my fate.

Don’t say the fire in my eyes

Burned out and ash therein now lies.

There, in the darkness lurks the gloom

Content with my impending doom.

Of course, the fire in my lips

On you could hold awhile the grip,

Alas, the bitter tears I cried

Had caused that scorching flame to die.

Don’t say my heart is not the same

On starlit nights it doesn’t wail.

The lilacs’ scent did filled the air,

You lingered, you forgot, my dear?

While others always you caressed,

With me you never were impressed.

Remind me not, the shades of gray

Have touched my mane and chased away

My careless youth when beauty raced,

Anticipating your embrace.

Pray, tell me, why your late ingress

On me alone the blame impressed?

Do not bemoan those lonely nights

With moon as company and light

I waited endlessly in vain

For you to come and soothe my pain.

Do not regret the bitter part:

You failed to come and warm my heart

When I was gasping in despair

For you, as drowning man for air.

Unable to forget the dreams

And sweetest thoughts in mem’ry stream

My heart bemoans the loss of past,

Desires and dreams returned to dust.

Their lethal slumber dark and deep,

No one could ever break their sleep,

The magic kingdom’s tragic fall

Broke sweet illusions’ lavish ball.

The Autumn’s day has bitter taste

Reminding of Spring’s ornate waste,

Life’s Winter shadow in the door

Hold promises of joy no more.

Cold rain is pouring, it reminds

That life does always pay in kind,

That every flower ever bloomed

In its inception sadly doomed.

And mourns my heart, sheds covert tears,

Cursed misery to shreds it tears.

The stars retreat from midnight sky

Aware that the heart may cry

And ask them, why, in heavens name

It hasn’t been touched by Love’s hot flame.

From far away a gust of wind

Brought words that were for me destined:

"I have abandoned you to pain

And solitude’s eternal reign.

Your lonely heart will never heal,

From cuts and bruises it will squeal.

But I confess I’d never learn

My status in this World until

I fin’ly met you face to face,"

Love uttered with unearthly grace.

I beg you, Love, please go away!

I almost have no will to stay.

Without you I learned to cope,

I hardly need to die with hope.

22

Violin

The violin weeps in shadows of Spring night,

The air is infused with lilac’s fragrance.

Wind sings along and whistles gently,

Aroma spreading out mixed with sadness.

In someone’s pain the heart itself has known,

The wound is open, the dreams are all in slumber.

The pain that heart deprived of joy again erupts…

Why weep again, the violin, why rub it in

That there is no return to past?

Why moan you of the dreams

That in a dream had passed?

In distant past that we call youth

I longed for Love like soil would long for water

Amongst the with’ring draught, like pauper

Earns for bread. I swam and drowned in Love

Without remorse, without second thought

Just like in ocean’s waters, naively thinking

That my Love will be

Like ocean infinite and eternal.

But ocean waves my passion wouldn’t accept,

Afraid of searing passion of my Love

And always threw me back on sandy beaches

Where solitude and desolation reigned.

But I refused to yield and never found respite

In peace where Love didn’t blaze I found no joy.

I plunged time and again in ocean of my dreams,

But futile was my fight with fate, my efforts were in vain

I always was repulsed and left in pain.

Don’t weep, oh, violin, please don’t awaken

The feelings long departed from the soul.

To part with Love is like attending wake:

Your loved one’s gone, but memories remain.

Don’t wake those mem’ries up, oh, violin,

I wasn’t loved and I was cast away

There’s no return to past, the people say.

I sentenced was to be an outcast

But Love that blazed inside eternity would last,

Its merciless fire would burn me out

Beyond the shadow of the slightest doubt.

But I kept yearning for the bliss of passion,

For unfamiliar feeling to be loved.

I knew the hate from years very young,

That’s why I was refused by Love, it knew not

That those who learn to hate from early days

Love cherish more than those who hate escaped.

I know, oh, violin, the life has passed,

I’m tired of waiting for the Love to find me.

My Spring is gone, its leaves long turned,

And yellow they shiver on the ground

In mortal cold and fear and they whisper

About the end that soon will come around.

Oh, how I hoped my dreams of distant youth

Would finally come true, but life has come to end

And Time has turned to past when we naively thought

That old age comes to people, but somehow it will spare us.

Forever young we’ll prosper among the lilacs’s bloom.

The memory still keeps the golden time of Youth.

Don’t weep, oh, violin, I’m still around

It’s my soul that’s dead

It found no joy in solitude ahead.

23

Uncle Tom’s Cabin

The days of my faraway childhood

When I wept over Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Have returned and swept me away.

Though I came to this World

As a fair-skinned one,

Always thought of the black ones

As brothers of mine.

When the merciless whip

Was tainting white cotton

With the red blood of blacks

My heart was weeping.

From the tears of mothers

Whose children were sold on the block,

From the suff’ring of those

Who toiled in the fields dawn to dusk

A majestic tree has arisen.

Fertilized by the ashes of slaves,

Irrigated by blood of the blacks,

Stood the tree as if spiting the ones

Who its branches did cut.

And it sprouted the roots deeper still.

It was yearning for freedom and Sun

And, behold, many branches were lost

But it reached for the dream and success

And ensured its right to exist

As an equal among the peers.

So, that day, when the Dream of all blacks

On the wings of the Hope

Flew into the greats halls of the main

Edifice of the land,

Like in days of my past

Over pages of Uncle Tom’s Cabin

I was weeping my heart out

Still feeling the pain of the past.

24

When Moon Was Younger

Long time ago, when Moon was younger

And stars at night too bountiful to number,

The Sun commended its ferocious heat

To one young girl—the gift was bittersweet.

Naive, the girl accepted with desire

Oblivious to devastating fire.

On Summer nights about love

She talked to stars that shine above.

And waking up when birds still doze

She whispered tenderly to roses

That were enchanted by her voice

And opened petals to rejoice.

On warm Spring days when flowers bloomed

And birds of thousand colors sang their tunes

The fire blossomed in the fledgling soul

And prompted it was time to reach the goal.

She soared high above the fruited plains

To shine with stars, devoid of earthly pains,

Plunged back to Earth, to silky bed of roses

To find in fragile petals her repose.

The girl believed with all her simple heart

That rose embodies love’s exquisite art.

Oblivious to the hidden woes

That lurk in shadows of both love and rose.

One day she’d want to get too close to rose,

And hold the flower to her heart exposed…

A sting, a cry of pain, a drop of blood

And…rose is no longer symbol of your love.

Naïve, her soul had not the slightest clue

That love can also make the people blue:

Not always fireworks and festival of joy

Sometimes it may a trusting heart destroy.

The thorns of lovely flowers tear the flesh,

Blood flows freely out of the gash.

It takes forever for the wounds to heal

But we cannot contain romantic zeal.

Long time ago, when Moon was very young

The stars revealed half-truths and held their tongue

That time may come when lonesome, grieving soul

Will no longer want to join their ball.

From distant Earth a pair of saddened eyes

In dead of night when stars forget to rise,

Will be a grim reminder of the years long gone

Since that obscure Spring when Moon was young.

25

The Soul

Who invented you, immortal soul?

Where are you hiding?

Why are you never at peace?

Why don’t they have remedies

From the pain suffocating you?

And whom do you yearn for

In the gray fog of solitude?

26

Red Bird

Red Bird perched on a branch, the black pearls of its eyes

Staring wisely at the snow down below. You want to know

How I got here, the bird inquired softly of the snow.

For fact I know that my brothers and sisters, who soar in the sky,

Beholding beauty of the Earth I couldn’t dream of,

Whose loved ones you murdered without count,

They were burning with hatred for you, they feared you.

For endless sleepless nights they mourned their dead,

And cursed your name, but sympathy I had instead

And then I fell for you and sacrificed my heart,

I felt we couldn’t live our lives apart.

Amongst the endless nights by solitude sedated

The songs of praise and love to you I dedicated.

The silly choice I made, perhaps

Not joining friends in hot, exotic places,

Blind my passion drew me to your fluffy, cool embrace

I could not think