When Love Hurts

By Nannie Scott Deese

"When Love Hurts," is a beautiful heart wrenching story about love, faith, grace, and redemption. Mary a beautiful young Colored girl from the Deep South in the early 1900s, the daughter of poor sharecroppers experienced all of these. In spite of her family being very poor, Mary was very happy growing up because she had a beautiful loving family, who she loved very much. She would do anything for the ones she loved. Mary was called by her parents their "sensible child." They believed that they could always depend on Mary to use her good sense to make wise choices. She did have good sense, but lacked faith. Without faith, was good sense enough when temptation, troubles, and disasters came? Was it enough to help her to make good choices or did her choices led her to a life of indescribable pain and suffering, both emotional and physical? Come on this emotional roller coaster with Mary and see what happens. Experience love with Mary, experience pain with Mary, experience faith with Mary, experience grace with Mary, and experience redemption with Mary. This story can change your life! You will cry, laugh, and get angry as the characters in this story become real to you!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 2, 2018
• ISBN: 9781641145619

Book preview

Chapter 1

Introduction

When Jo Ann and Cindy were growing up, their grandmother came to live with them after their grandfather died. Sometimes when their mom and dad went out and left them there with their grandmother, they would sit around the fire with her on cold winter nights. She would tell them all kinds of stories. She had such a vivid, colorful imagination. They would listen with eyes and ears wide open to absorb her colorful and sometimes scary stories. They knew that some of them were true, but they also knew that their grandmother had used her imagination to make them more interesting. She could do that because she was not only a good storyteller but was a talented poet, writer, and singer.

Their grandmother was a beautiful Christian lady who took her relationship with God very seriously. She seemed to them to be very strict in her beliefs and strict on trying to teach them to her grandchildren

They knew her as a loving and kind person and grandmother, but because she was so strict, they felt like she never wanted them to have any real fun. They were primarily talking about themselves. At that time, they were teenagers, and they thought their grandmother did not understand about being young, about having fun, and about enjoying life outside of just going to church, school, and reading the Bible. They loved to dance, listen to music, not just church music; and also sometimes they wanted to go out and have fun. Their grandmother did not seem to understand.

One winter night, their younger sisters and brothers were asleep in bed. It was just Jo Ann and Cindy sitting around the fire with their grandmother. One of them asked her if she had ever done anything wrong.

They could not fathom the thought of her doing anything wrong, because she always seemed to be so perfect to them. They thought of her as a perfect Christian Lady. But they wondered if their grandmother had always been so perfect. They wondered if she had ever had any real fun. They wondered if she had ever had real feelings of passion, or if she had ever been tempted to do anything wrong, and if she had given in to temptation and done it. They decided to ask her.

Grandma, have you ever done anything wrong? Jo Ann asked.

Before their Grandmother could answer, Cindy asked, Have you ever danced, had real fun, felt passion, or have you ever been tempted to do something that you knew was wrong, and did you do it?

Their grandmother did not really answer their questions, but instead she said, Let me tell you girls a story of a young girl named Mary Starnes…

Chapter 2

Who They Are

The little house was very hot. It was a hot summer. It was the month of August, and as usual, it was even hotter than the previous months of summer. It felt extra hot in the house, not just because of the summer heat but because of the fire that had been started in the cook stove to prepare dinner. There were only three rooms: a kitchen combined with a sitting area and two bedrooms. Each room was sweltering with heat.

Janie needed milk to make the bread. She asked Mary, her oldest daughter, to go to the spring to get the milk. They kept it there in the cold spring water. The spring was a small pond of water in the woods near their house that stayed cold even in the hot summer temperatures. They could keep the milk there and it would stay fresh no matter how hot it got.

Mary was sixteen and the oldest of five children. Since she was the oldest, her mother, Janie, depended on her the most to help out with the cooking, cleaning, gardening, and helping take care of the younger children. Sometimes Mary also, along with her mother, Janie, worked for the Wrights. The Wrights were the white people who owned the family’s farm. Mary’s family was sharecroppers.

Mary walked along the hot dusty dry road right in front of her house, almost skipping as she walked. She tried to stay on the side of the road, which was grassy because the hot dry dirt on the road made her bare feet feel like they were burning. She was so happy because she was thinking about seeing Tommy that night. If not that night, she would surely see him the next day at the Harvest Celebration dance. Her mother said she was old enough to take company and get married soon—maybe in another year. Tommy was the one she dreamed of marrying. He was tall, dark skinned, and had the prettiest white teeth she had ever seen. When he smiled at her, her heart skipped a beat.

Her joyful mood did not last. As she walked along the side of the road, she saw a wagon approaching. As the wagon got closer, she could see that it was Mr. Hartley, or Deacon Hartley. When she realized that it was him, she wanted to run. He was supposedly a nice man, a church man, and a deacon in the church. But there were something about him that bothered her. She did not like him or even liked being around him. For one thing, he always stared at her. It made her feel very uneasy and uncomfortable. And he seemed to always have a gleam in his eyes and a sneer on his face.

He smiled at her as he got closer. The smile was not a pleasant smile to Mary, not like a normal smile that is usually inviting and displays joy or happiness. Instead, it was sinister looking, maybe indicating that he could have something evil on his mind. Mary looked at him and noticed that he was licking his big fat red lips again like he seemed to always do when he looked at her. It looked disgusting to her. If there was anybody ugly, he was that person.

Mr. Hartley spoke to Mary. Hello, Mary, it’s good to see ya again. How is yor ma and pa and the rest of the family? He did not give her a chance to answer. I woulds like to talks to yor pa about ya. I likes ya, Mary. Ya is a very pretty young woman.

Mary answered, Fine, but my pa ain’t at home, so no need for ya to stop by. Mary turned and ran to the spring to get the milk. She wanted to get away from this man as fast as she could. She looked back to see if he kept going, and he did.

All kinds of thoughts raced through her mind. What in the world would he have to say to my Pa about me? What did he mean when he said he liked me? I sure don’t like him. Yes, he is one of the few colored people around here who owns their own farm, but that don’t matter to me.

Mary returned to her home with the milk. Janie, her mother, asked her to make the biscuits. As Mary kneaded the dough for the biscuits, she told her ma about meeting Mr. Hartley on the way to the spring to get the milk.

Her mother was a tall, heavily built light-skinned woman with long, thick, coarse hair. She usually wore her hair pulled back in a bun. She was a very hardworking woman who took good care of her home and children. She helped on the farm as much as she could. She could not spend a lot of time with the farmwork since she had to work for the Wrights too.

Janie listened to Mary talk about Mr. Hartley or Deacon Hartley. Janie thought that Mr. Hartley would be a good husband for Mary. He owned his own farm and seemed to be well off. She believed that her daughter would be well taken care of and she would want for nothing. She knew Mary did not love or like Mr. Hartley. Love could come later.

Janie married her husband Frank for love. Look what she had to show for it. They had five children. They were sharecroppers, and they were in debt to the owner of the farm. Her husband was a good man, a good father, and sometimes a good husband. The good husband part was few and far between. Most of the time he looked upon her as someone just to make babies with or someone to work and wait upon him hand and foot. He showed her very little affection. There were no hugs, no kisses, no words of endearment, and certainly no gifts. When he did show her affection, it was if she was one of his pets, petting her on the head now and then, or one of his children, giving her instructions about everything to do as if she had no mind of her own—hardly ever treated her as his wife. This was what she had to show for marrying for love. Where did the love go?

She understood that part of the reason he acted the way he did was because he was always so tired and weary about the farm and the debt they owed. However, it still hurt and bothered her. She missed the love that used to be in his eyes when he looked at her. She missed the affection, the touching and caressing. She missed the passion that used to flow between them. Where did it go?

Janie said to Mary, her daughter, Mr. Hartley would be a good husband for ya, Mary. He has his own farm. He is a good man. He is a religious man. He would takes good care of ya, and ya would not has to worry about nothing.

Mary looked at her mother with an expression of surprise and disbelief on her face, and she wanted to yell at her mother and or grit her teeth, but she knew better, so she just said softly, Ma, how can ya say that? Mr. Hartley is too old for me. I ain’t got no feelings for him. He is a strange-looking man, and he acts strange, and I don’t even like being around him.

Mary went outside and sat on the porch. She began to cry as she thought about what her ma had said. She looked up at the sky. She saw that there were dark clouds forming. It looked like it was about to rain or possibly a thunderstorm. Her life would be as dark as the clouds in the sky if she married Mr. Hartley. The rain began to pour down as the tears on her face poured down. She did not even care if she was getting soaked. Her tears mixed with the rain. She loved Tommy. She wanted to marry Tommy. She could not believe her mother wanted her to marry Mr. Hartley. He was probably thirty or forty years old. She was only sixteen years old.

She loved Tommy Sanders. She felt that he was just right for her. He was eighteen, just the right age for her. He was a hard worker. He would be a good provider. She could tell that he loved her because of the way he looked at her.

Tommy had asked her to meet him that night after everyone was asleep. She told him she would, but she was afraid because nice girls do not normally slip out at night to be with a boy. She wondered why he had not asked her father if he could court her. This was what he was supposed to do.

Frank Starnes

Frank Starnes, Mary’s father, was a tall dark man with deep piercing dark eyes. His smile could light up a room, when he did smile. He just did not smile a whole lot those days. He worked hard to take care of his family, but he was so indebted to the owner of their farm that it seemed his work did not count for very much. He slowly walked up to the house very tired after an exhausting day on the farm. He saw his daughter Mary sitting on the porch, and he noticed that she was crying.

He sat down beside her and said, Mary, why is ya out here in this here rain crying? What is wrong with ya? Has something bad happened?

Pa, ma wants me to marry Mr. Hartley. He is a disgusting old man. I do not like him, and I could never love him.

He put his arm around Mary’s shoulder and said, Hush up, child. Ya ain’t got to worry. Ya ain’t got to marry Mr. Hartley. Come on in the house. I will talk to yor ma after supper.

The family sat down to eat supper. At the table there were Frank, Janie, and the children: Mary who was sixteen; her sister Cherri, fifteen; Luke, thirteen; little brother Earl twelve; and the baby sister Sissi who was eight.

After supper, Frank went outside to sit on the small porch to have a smoke on his pipe. The rain had stopped and it had turned dark, but the skies were clear and lit up with a beautiful full moon.

The old porch cracked and wobbled as he walked on it. It felt like it could almost collapse anytime. The little old house was in need of much repair. But there was not much he could do. He did not own the farm, nor had he money to fix it up. Maybe tomorrow he could at least find time to nail down some of the boards.

He wanted so much to support his family better. They had food and a place to stay but very little else. If only he owned his own farm like Mr. Hartley.

Janie came out and joined her husband on the porch. He barely looked up at her as she sat down. She desired so much for him to reach out and touch her. But he did not. He continued to look up at the sky and smoke his pipe.

Frank said to his wife without even turning to look at her, Janie, what is this about ya telling or suggesting that our daughter Mary marry Deacon Hartley. That man is too old for her. I does not wants him coming round my daughter. Do ya hear me? He is a strange one. Don’t say nothing else about that man to Mary. Do ya hear me, Janie?

Frank, Mr. Hartley is a deacon in the church. He is a good man. He owns his own farm. I believes he would be a good husband for Mary. We is poor people. We cannot give our children very much. We can at least help them to marry someone who can make their lives better. I knows she does not love him or likes him, but that could come later. Please try to understand why I wants this for Mary.

Janie, I told ya, he is too old for her. And there is things about him that don’t seem right. There is things about him I don’t like to talk about. Yes, he is a deacon in the church, but that don’t make him a good man. He is a strange man, and I don’t want him near my child. I mean it, Janie. I don’t want to hear another word about it. Now let’s go to bed. I is tired.

After everyone had gone to bed, Mary was laying in bed beside her sister Cherrie. They shared a bed. Their little sister Sissie slept in a small bed beside them. Her brothers slept on the other side of the room. Her mother had put some sort of curtain up to give the girls some privacy.

Mary thought about what Tommy had asked her to do the last time she saw him. He wanted her to meet him in the grove of trees near the road leading to her house.

Mary knew that everyone was asleep. After all the hard work that was done, she knew everybody was not only sleep but sound asleep. She could easily slip out, and no one would hear her or even miss her.

Mary remembered what her mom had taught her. Nice girls save themselves for their husbands. She did not want to do anything wrong. She just wanted to be with Tommy. Surely he would not ask her an unfair question. She knew very little about sex, but she did know that she had strong feelings for Tommy and desired to be with him. But she was not sure if she could control herself if she was alone with him on this beautiful night. A night when the moon was full and the stars were shining bright in the sky.

She had kissed Tommy once. It was so sweet. The passion she felt was overwhelming. Her mother never told her about these kinds of feelings. She just said, Keeps yor dress down. Never open yor legs to nobody but yor husband.

As Mary was laying in bed hearing the sounds of her family sleeping, she realized she could not meet Tommy. She was afraid that something may happen, and she did not want to bring shame to herself and her family. She just could not do it. She loved Tommy and wanted to be with him, but she would wait and do it the right way. She fell asleep knowing that she was doing the right thing.

Tommy Sanders

Tommy Sanders really liked Mary Starnes. She was so pretty and shapely. She was a very pretty girl. She had big brown eyes that looked at him with a yearning that was hard to describe. He knew that he could love her. He wanted to ask her father if he could court her, but he couldn’t, because his parents wanted him to marry Susie Marshall. Susie’s parents were one of the few well-off colored people around. Susie and her parents liked Tommy. Susie’s parents and Tommy’s parents wanted them to get married. Tommy did not want to marry Susie, but he felt he must do what his parents wanted. He couldn’t marry Mary Starnes, so it would be useless to court her, but he would like to be with her just to love her for one night. He hoped that she would meet him.

Tommy was excited as he walked along the road to the place where he and Mary decided to meet. The road was usually very dark, but that night, it was well lit by the bright full moon. He was happy with anticipation about seeing Mary on this beautiful night. His heart raced with excitement as he got closer to the spot where they were supposed to meet. He started to run but slowed down after he stumbled on a rock and almost fell. He just wanted to get there so Mary would not get there first and have to be there alone. He knew she would be walking alone, but the meeting place was right at the road that led to her house. He finally got to their agreed meeting place, and he was glad that she was not there yet. He knew he would have to wait for a little while because he was a little early, but he did not expect to wait long. He looked up in the sky. He was glad that there was a full moon. He could see clearly as he looked for a place to sit and wait. He decided to sit under a tree. As he leaned back against the tree, he envisioned how lovely Mary would look in the beautiful moonlight. As he continued to gaze up into the sky at the stars and the bright moon, he began to realize a lot of time had passed. He wondered what was taking her so long to get there. After about an hour of waiting, he walked farther down the road toward her house to see if he could see her. He did not see her. Was she coming? Surely she was not going to let him down. He decided to wait a little longer, but another hour went by and she was still not there. He could not understand what could have happened. She promised to meet him. He knew Mary was a nice girl. But he also knew what he wanted from Mary. He was just being realistic. He could not court Mary, and he could not marry her. But he wanted to be with her. The only way he could be with her was this way.

He knew it was wrong. He knew he was taking a risk, but he wanted Mary. As the night went on and it was apparent that Mary was not coming, Tommy, feeling very disappointed, left and went home.

Tommy’s House

Tommy walked as quietly as he could upon his porch and he opened the door hoping not to wake anybody. His father heard him anyway. He heard him walk up upon the porch and his father heard him come in, so he ran out to the kitchen quickly to meet him. Looking right at his son as he walked in, Tommy’s father asked him.

Tommy, where have ya been this time of night?

Tommy avoided looking at his Pa. I decided to go out and check on the chickens, Pa. I wanted to make sure that the fox ya was talking about earlier today had not gotten into the chicken coop again, he said nervously.

Son, ya been acting strange all day. Is something wrong?

Tommy said, I have been thinking about Susie. Pa, ya know I do not love her. I really don’t want to marry her. She is a nice girl, but my heart is for someone else. I is just sad that I cannot marry the girl that I want to love.

Son, love is good, but it can come later. This is a good family, ya woulds be marrying into. Her father wants ya to run the family business. Most of us colored folks do not have much, but this family owns their own business son. Ya will be able to run the business one day. They don’t have any sons. They only have daughters. When some of us have a little more or own a business in a place where most of us have nothing, then I believes it’s okay for the ones who have a lot to share with those who have little. This family knows that we have little even though we is better off than most colored people round here. But they is willing to share with us by two families coming together through the marriage of our children.

Tommy said reluctantly, Okay, Pa. I will marry Susie.

Son, I have seen the way ya look at the Starnes girl at church. I understands yor feelings. But in the long run, Susie Marshall is the best person for ya. One day ya will have yor own children, and ya will understand better.

Since we is going to the harvest celebration dance tomorrow, I will spend that time with Mary and talk to her. I need to explain things to her. And I really just want to spend this last time with Mary. I know her and her family will be there.

Tommy, if ya is going to be with Mary at the celebration tomorrow, then ya needs to not only talk to her but tell her the truth. Ya should not lead her on. That is wrong. Tell her that ya is going to marry someone else. Tell her tomorrow. Now we had better turn in. It’s late.

Chapter 3

Celebration

It was a beautiful sunshiny summer day. The sun glistened in the sky, indicating that it may be a hot day, but it was not hot. The weather had made a drastic change. The rain on the day before had cooled things down. It was surprisingly a cool day for the month of August, making the day a pleasant one and a pleasant Saturday afternoon. They could not have asked for a better day for the Harvest Celebration.

The Harvest Celebration was to celebrate the harvest season. This was a celebration for the beginning of the season, even though there was still much to be harvested. It appeared that everyone would have a good harvest this year. The Starnes family knew that they would only get a small share of the harvest because they were just sharecroppers, but it was still worth the celebration. There were a small number of coloreds who owned their farms who would be a part of the celebration too.

All the farmers looked forward to this day because they could all come together and celebrate their hard work. There would be music, dancing, games, and plenty of food. All the farmers brought food harvested from their own farms. This year the Harvest Celebration was going to be held at Edward Crow’s farm. He was one of the few colored folks in the area who owned their farm.

Mary and her family rode together in their wagon. Janie and Frank sat up front. All the children sat in the back of the wagon along with all of the food and other things that they needed. The children were packed together on the back of the wagon, but this did not bother them too much because they were happy to be going to the celebration.

It was a good thing that the ride was not as dusty as it could have been. The rain that had fallen the day before made the dirt on the road a lot less dusty. This made Mary very happy because she had worried that her clothes would get all dirty and dusty from the ride to the celebration.

The family was happy to have a nice wagon and a couple of horses. Mary’s father bought the wagon from the Wrights, the owner of their farm. They still owed him money for it.

Mary looked very pretty in her pink-and-white dress that she had made. Mary was very shapely like her mother. The dress accented her tiny waist and flowed all the way to just above her ankles. She also had beautiful long coarse black hair like her mother. She wore it in two long thick braids with a ribbon at the end of each braid.

As they pulled up to the barn, they could hear the laughter and the music. They saw many people gathered outside playing games. Mary imagined that there were plenty of people on the inside dancing to the music. She looked around hoping to see Tommy. She did not see him anywhere. Maybe he was inside.

The person that she did not want to see was standing with a group of men talking, Mr. Hartley. He looked over at her grinning from ear to ear. He waved at her. She ignored him. Her sisters asked, Who is Deacon Harley waving at? Is he waving at ya, Mary? I think he likes ya, Mary. He acts kinda weird sometimes. They began to laugh.

No, he ain’t waving at me. Let’s go inside and see who is here.

Mary and her sisters went inside the barn. There was a