An Unforgotten Heart

By Sandy Schachter

Growing up, my mother told me stories of her childhood. As a young girl, I understood the narrative, but as I grew older, I realized that what I knew of my mother's past was incomplete, with only bits and pieces that made her life feel like it was a recipe, and I couldn't reconcile the final product. Even as a young adult, I did not understand or appreciate the true essence of my mother's life. As I got older, I began to try to put those pieces in order, like a jigsaw puzzle. But in the end, I was missing something. The picture was incomplete because I couldn't bring it to life. My mind could recall the facts, the events, and the journey that was so eloquently described to me over the years, but I was missing her passion and the courage that she needed to muster in order to make what must have been heart-wrenching decisions about how to survive an impending world war. There were sacrifices at every turn. My mother denied her heritage; she left her home, her things, her city, and her country. And as her family scattered throughout Europe, she lost a piece of her soul.

An Unforgotten Heart is my pledge to my mother that I have, after all these years, found her heart, and I carry a huge part of her heart with me always, and it is my plan with this book to continue to carry her heart to my daughter and to the generations that follow.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 24, 2021
• ISBN: 9781637101834

Book preview

Chapter 1

The Photograph Vienna 1920

There was no morning sun that day. It was cold for October. The girls were not easy to wake as they all wanted to stay in bed as long as they could because it was Saturday. And since there was no school, they always slept in, but not this Saturday. Mama was not going to let that happen.

Good morning, liebchen. It is a special day for the Swartz family, so we must rise and shine and face the day together. Mama was very chipper that day, which was somewhat unusual. Most days, she was somber and overwhelmed.

Papa was a soldier and away from his family for months at a time. It was rare that he came home. And when he did, it was not for long. Yet the girls always knew he loved them. It was in his eyes and the way he smiled at them. When he put his girls to bed, he always told them the story of the magic egg. They didn’t know how he knew that story if he read it in a book somewhere or just made it up, but it always made them laugh, and it gave them hope for their future. They all believed in miracles because of that story, and it turned out it was good they did.

The sisters shared a room with three beds and a small cot. Blanche was the youngest; she was almost one. She slept in a cot with pillows around her so she wouldn’t fall out, which amazingly never happened. Elsa was the next youngest, who turned six this past June. Hilda was eight, and the oldest sister, Risa, was ten. They were the closest of friends, even the baby. They did everything together. It was like they were bonded in a way that no one could understand, especially their parents. You see, they had a common enemy—their oldest brother, Serule, who was fifteen. Actually, he was their half brother. Their father had been married before he met their mother.

Because Serule was older than the girls, they regarded him more as a live-in cousin. His father was their father, but his mother was from his previous marriage when their father was eighteen. They married because she was pregnant with Serule. Unfortunately, she died in childbirth. When their mother met their dad, he made it clear that he and Serule were a package deal. Mama had no worries about this at the time, but she quickly changed her mind when it was clear that Serule would be coming with her on their honeymoon. It was a strange way to start a marriage, but their mother loved their father very much. So in November 1909, Serule, age four and a half, accompanied Henry and Maria Swartz on their honeymoon to the Isle of Wight in England.

Henry joined the Czech army and moved to Vienna because he thought it was the safest place for Maria and Serule to be while he was away for so many months at a time. It was never clear why they didn’t stay in Prague while he was away, but Henry would just say that it wasn’t meant to be. Because Henry was a high-ranking officer, his income provided the opportunity for the Swartz family to live in a nice house in the center of Vienna. Maria was able to stay at home with the children, and she worked hard to create a happy and healthy home for everyone.

It was a big day for the Swartz family because all the children knew that Mama never kept secrets unless it was something special. Maria had made plans for an outing before chores were completed, which she very rarely did on a Saturday. Most Saturdays were spent doing deep cleaning. Each of the girls had chores to do around the house, and they knew when they were done, their Mama would take them to the park at the other end of the city to play on the swings and run around playing tag, but that didn’t happen until late afternoon. Mama hardly ever broke her routine. However, for some reason today, they were going on an adventure, and they were all happy and cheerful.

Mama took the baby in her hands. Risa and Elsa followed her, holding hands and singing songs. Serule and Hilda took up the rear. They were not holding hands, which was not surprising because he never touched any of them ever. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Risa had seen Serule pick up Blanche in the middle of the night to rock her to sleep. It took her by surprise, and when she asked him about it the next morning, he told her she was just dreaming.

The only thing the girls ever saw him hold in his hands was a book. He loved to read. At dinner, Risa would ask him to tell his sisters about what he was reading, and all he would ever say was, It is interesting. One night, Risa entered his room and took one of his books off the shelf. She brought it back to her room, turned on the gas lamp, and read it out loud. The book was all about chemistry, biology, and human anatomy. Reading passages from that book put them all right to sleep within minutes. Everyone in the family believed that Serule would grow up to be a chemist or a scientist or even a doctor, even though he had a lot to learn about bedside manner.

The Swartz family walked for several blocks past dozens of dress shops, groceries, and bakeries until they reached their destination. Rosenbergs Photography was the only shop in the city that produced family portraits. Mama opened the door to the shop slowly. It opened to a large room with lights and cameras everywhere. It blinded them for a few minutes as it was dark and gloomy outside but so bright inside.

The store was owned by Mr. Rosen and Mr. Berg. Elsa recognized them from the local market as they would often shop there when she was there. They even offered her candy once.

Good morning, Elsa. You look very pretty today, they would say each time they saw her. You see, Elsa always made it a point to tell someone her name when she was offered candy just to make sure that it could possibly happen again in the future. The truth was that Elsa always dressed up each day with her favorite dresses, and her hair was always combed in ringlets around her face. And she would cut her bangs short so that it would show her face more. Elsa learned that trick from Risa, who once told her, Little sister, people will remember what they see on the outside before they want to get to know you on the inside. She was very smart for ten years old, so worldly and self-assured. Risa reminded Elsa of what little she could remember of her papa.

Mr. Rosen and Mr. Berg had known each other for many years. It seemed they went to the same grammar school and were best friends from the start. They always knew that one day, they would go into business together, but it wasn’t until Mr. Rosen’s grandmother gave him a camera that he knew he would one day turn it into a business. Although he learned how to use the camera, he never could figure out how to shoot pictures that were artistic enough to be sold. That was where Mr. Berg came in. He had the eye of an artist. He could see the best angles to shoot from in his head before he took the pictures for real.

As Elsa walked into the door, she heard from across the room, Good morning, Elsa. You look very pretty today. Mama was stunned but couldn’t help but smile at her. And of course, Elsa smiled back.

Mama replied with introductions. My daughters, Risa, Hilda, and this is baby Blanche. And of course, you know Elsa. Also my son, Serule. Mama always introduced Serule last. It wasn’t clear why he was always introduced last. Perhaps it was because he was the oldest or because he was not her biological son, but it never really mattered to him, or so it seemed at the time.

Ahhh, Madam Swartz, we were expecting you, said Mr. Rosen. He ushered all of them to a room at the other side of the entrance. They entered to find a long high table in front of a mural of dark roses.

Hilda turned to Mama. Why are we here?

She looked scared, so Elsa took her hand and said, We are going to have our picture taken.

Hilda was always the shy one of the family. In school, she hid behind Risa at playtime and would always walk with Elsa to and from school, holding her hand. She struggled in school, so Mama would work with her at night on her mathematics, and Risa would help her with her reading. She was slow to read and write. But once, Elsa found pieces of paper under her bed with drawings of women wearing fancy dresses. Hilda was going to be a great designer someday. Elsa was sure of it.

Mr. Berg instructed everyone as to where to stand. The oldest girl, Risa, please stand on the far left of the table. Elsa, can you climb onto the table next to Risa? Hilda, can you walk behind the table and stand next to Elsa? Madam Swartz, can you place Blanche on the table next to Elsa with Hilda in between them?

Out of the corner of Elsa’s eye, she saw a basket on the floor with dolls and toys. One particular doll caught her eye, so she hopped off the table and ran toward it. Mama was not happy, but Mr. Rosen said it was fine if she held the doll during the picture. So Elsa climbed back on the table with the doll in hand. Risa was waiting for Mr. Berg to instruct Serule where to stand, but he never did.

Madam Swartz, can you sit on this chair at the right of the table and hold on to baby Blanche so she doesn’t fall over? instructed Mr. Berg.

Okay, everybody, smile for the camera, said Mr. Rosen. But Risa couldn’t smile. She kept her eye on Serule, who just stood there, watching it all unfold.

Mr. Rosen spoke to Serule. Could you move those lights over there to aim a little more to the left? There is a glare on some of the girls’ faces. Serule was as pale as a ghost. His entire existence was just wiped out. He moved the lights, turned, and walked out the door.

The girls all hopped off the table when the shoot was finished. It would take about two weeks for the picture to develop and be ready for pickup. Mama knew exactly what she was going to do with the picture. She was going to send it to Papa. She had two copies made—one for them to keep at home and one to send to the front so he could always have his family near him.

Elsa, return the doll, please, to the nice Mr. Berg, said Mama.

No, no, no, she can keep it. She seems to like it so very much, said Mr. Rosen.

Let’s go, girls. Time to say farewell to these nice gentlemen, said Maria.

Risa took Mama’s hand. What happened? Why did Serule leave us?

He will be home shortly, I’m sure of it, said Mama.

Risa took Hilda’s hand, and she took Elsa’s. At that very moment, the sisters realized that they actually did love their brother. It was quite a shock to them. They practically always ignored him up to today, but seeing him leave so abruptly and looking so upset worried them.

Shortly after the girls arrived home, they discovered Serule and his things were gone. Risa walked into his room and saw a folded piece of paper next to his bed. She picked it up and ran to Mama. Mama opened the note, read it, and crumpled it up, tossing it into the trash. Risa decided she would look for the note after Mama left the room. But when she did get back to the room an hour later, the note was gone.

Hilda decided it was best just to ask Mama about where Serule had gone. Mama was making dinner. Tell me what was in the note Serule left you! demanded Hilda in a tone that was not usual for her.

He said he was going to find Papa, said Maria. She continued to peel the potatoes and never looked at Hilda in the face.

Risa and Elsa followed Hilda into their bedroom to talk.

Why did he leave? asked Elsa.

Mama said he went to find Papa, replied Hilda.

You mean he went to join the military? To be a soldier? That doesn’t sound like him, said Risa.

We know why he left. He never felt comfortable living here. He left to find another family, said Hilda. So observant for an eight-year-old.

Let’s go to bed, sisters, said Risa. It’s been a long day.

Just as Elsa was about to go to sleep, she heard Hilda say out loud, What will Papa say when he finds out? I hope he doesn’t get mad at us.

Elsa had no response. She held onto the doll and fell asleep.

For the next few months, the doll became Elsa’s constant companion. She spoke to him at night because she knew in her heart that the doll heard her prayers, and so did Serule. From that moment on, all the girls named the doll Serule. It was their way of remembering him.

It’s funny how the most important lessons in life we learn comes from outside the classroom. Elsa was only six years old, but she learned the day she sat for the photograph that exclusion was the highest form of inhumanity. She was too young at the time to confront Mama about the decision to exclude Serule from the picture, and she was never able to get up the nerve to ask her about it, even as she got older. Not only had Mama excluded Serule from the picture, but she also excluded him from any conversations from then on.

As time passed, that doll became a representation of their guilt over how they treated Serule when he lived with them. If Serule couldn’t physically be there anymore, the doll could. Serule, the doll, was present at every birthday celebration and took center stage at every holiday gathering. As a family member, that doll sat with the girls at every meal. It wasn’t long before Elsa outgrew the doll, so she gave it to Blanche, who took the doll to school every day. Hilda would make outfits for the doll that matched the imaginary adventures the girls would tell. The doll became the hero in all the stories made up late at night. When there were storms outside, the doll became their protector, keeping away the lightning and thunder. The doll was their link to the brother that ran away. It meant so much to the girls. And rightfully so, because in a few years, that the doll would save their lives.

Chapter 2

The View

Life in Vienna after Serule left was somewhat peaceful and productive for all of the Swartz family. Mama’s mood lifted. She wasn’t sad anymore. Her mood was often playful and adventurous. On sunny days, Mama took the girls for walks around the city. For Elsa’s twelfth birthday, she took them to see the Lipizzan horses perform. They were beautiful and grand. Mama knew one of the riders, so they went to see the horses up close after the show. It was magical, and Elsa thought this day was one of the best days she had ever had in her life.

There were many other happy days for the girls. Risa and Mama went to concerts on Sunday nights. Risa was mesmerized by the sound of the violins. She asked Mama if she could learn how to play an instrument.

Mama replied, Perhaps one day.

However, Risa knew that Mama would not allow her to take lessons. For some reason, Mama wanted the girls to keep a low profile. They were not to stand out or develop any of their talents publicly.

Hilda enjoyed going to the park and riding the Ferris wheel. The Riesenrad consisted of twenty cars rotating in a circle. Each car contained seats for ten people to sit and ten to stand. From the apex of the wheel, you could see the entire city. Hilda enjoyed going during the day to watch the hustle and bustle of the city, but Elsa enjoyed going at sunset to watch the city go from day to night. When the lights came on, Elsa felt a rush of wonderment, and Blanche would clap her hands as if the show was just for her.

Elsa and Mama would go to the museums. Elsa fell in love with the magic of art. She had asked Mama if she could buy some paints and a canvas so she could learn how to paint, but again Mama’s typical response was Perhaps one day.

They were all so happy even though they thought of Serule and wondered where he was and what he was doing. The only one who didn’t seem to miss him was Blanche because she was just too young to remember him. Every time she picked up the doll and called his name, Serule, her sisters felt just a little more guilty for not missing him more.

They hadn’t heard much from Papa over the years. Wherever there was a war going on, Papa was there fighting. There was the uprising in West Hungary, the Hamburg Uprising, and some sort of rebellion in a place called Turkey that kept their Papa from coming home year after year. Risa wondered if he knew Serule wasn’t living with them anymore. Mama would write letters to Papa, and occasionally the girls were allowed to write to him as well. Because Mama read their letters, they never mentioned Serule. Papa’s letters back to the family mostly detailed his exploits in the military. He had continued to work his way up the promotion ladder. Risa never really understood why he would take on a profession that would take him so far away from his family if he really loved them so much. Mama spoke of him every night at dinner.

Girls, before we take part in our meal, we must pause to think of Papa and wish him well. She would ask them to join hands. They would squeeze tightly as if they were sending him hugs and kisses. They had no understanding of what war was all about. For the longest time, Elsa thought Papa sat at a desk writing out orders to men who went to war. The thought that he was actually in a battle was irrational. Why would he purposely put himself in such jeopardy?

As the girls grew, the doll had lost its allegiance to Elsa and became Blanche’s. With the doll sitting on Blanche’s lap, Elsa would wonder what had happened to Serule. In an instant, the boy who they all hated so much was now gone, and for some strange reason, they missed him more than Papa. Risa, Hilda, and Elsa kept his memory in their hearts but never on their lips.

Risa had moved into Serule’s room. She was happy to have peace and quiet with a room to call her own, and she certainly deserved it. Because the men in the household were gone, it was up to her as the oldest to take on the job of a secondary parent. Risa was in charge for ten hours each day as Mama took on work. Risa got everyone up in the morning, made breakfast, got everyone dressed, and walked all the girls to school. During the day, she cleaned, made the beds, and prepared supper. Risa became a very good cook. There was something different served at every evening meal. When Mama was home, she was never more than ten feet away from Risa, but Mama never took her focus away from her work.

Mama was a seamstress by trade. She didn’t need to work as Papa sent home money every month, and it was enough to keep their pantry full. Maria found that as the girls became more independent and didn’t need her undivided attention, she could branch out and get back into the profession she loved. She would work in a small corner of her bedroom. She was one of the only families on the block to own a sewing machine. The machine had belonged to her mother, who died before she even met Henry.

The girls had heard stories that their grandmother Esther had given Maria her prized possession, a sewing machine, when she came to Vienna from Prague. It was an old machine, but in Mama’s hands, it created magic. Mama’s specialty was ladies dresses. She had a flair for picking the right fabric for the right person. And with the patterns she had designed, she could create beautiful masterpieces. The more dresses Mama created, the more customers came knocking at her door. Women came from all over Vienna to beg for a dress designed by Maria S, her designer name. Once, Mama got a request for a dress from a woman who lived in Germany. It would have been a wonderful way to build her reputation as a dressmaker, but Mama refused to leave the girls to travel to Berlin in order to meet with the customer.

Risa had begged Mama many times to let her help make the clothes, but Maria was firm. Right now, your job is to help me and your sisters keep the household in order. Your time will come soon enough when Papa returns.

Every night, Elsa could hear Risa’s prayers as she readied for bed. Please bring Papa home soon so that we can be a family again, and may Serule find happiness and peace in his life. And if it’s not too much trouble, let Mama know I want to be a seamstress and have my own business.

The Swartz house was comfortable and safe and happy. Home was not just within the four walls of the house. It was the entire city of Vienna. Mama let Risa, Elsa, and Hilda walk through the streets each afternoon after school, knowing they were safe. Because they did not have any way to store fresh food, they went to the grocers every day to buy vegetables, the bakery to buy bread, and the butcher to buy meat.

It was their daily ritual. They all felt very brave and so happy that Mama trusted them to venture out unchaperoned. It wasn’t until Elsa was older that she realized she was mistaken. She had overheard a conversation between Mama and Mr. Ernst, the butcher.

Your girls are so sweet. Every day they say good morning, and they ask me how my day is, for which I reply fine and how are you, and they say they are happy to see me. Mr. Ernst was beaming and belted out a hearty laugh.

Mr. Ernst, I can’t tell you how happy I am you watch over them as they walk through the streets. It makes me proud to have such a good friend to help keep my girls safe. You, Mr. Helmut, the baker, and Mr. Otto, the grocer, are such kind gentlemen to be my second set of eyes. We live in troubled times, and I do worry about my girls, said Mama with a look of impending doom in her eyes.

Elsa ran to Risa with the news. So the butcher, the grocer, and the baker were all in on it. They are spies that keep Mama informed of our whereabouts.

Why is that such a bad thing? asked Risa. Mama may be correct that troubled times may be coming our way. Is it so horrible to have these nice men watch over us?

I don’t care. They are trying to trick us. I’m going to punish them by not being friendly anymore, said Elsa.

You are being cruel to these men, and you are being unkind to our mother. We shouldn’t punish them for caring so much about us that they would go out of their way to watch over us and make sure we are safe, chided Risa.

It wasn’t that these kind shopkeepers were keeping an eye out on her that bothered Elsa so much. It was that her mother had lied to them again. Well, maybe it wasn’t as much a lie but an omission of the truth. Mama was hiding things from the girls. Risa and Hilda might not see that so clearly, but Elsa did. Her heart was beginning to harden to her Mama, and that broke her heart even more.

It turned out Risa was correct. Any cruelty directed to any of the three shopkeepers would come back to hurt them more than they could have ever imagined. It turned out Mama did know what troubled times were coming their way. And it might have been a good decision not to tell her girls. But at the time, Mama’s holding back was causing her relationship with her girls to deteriorate more and more each day.

The Swartz family’s happy world was on a fast-track racing toward tragedy. In fact, the joy that permeated throughout Austria would soon be coming to an end. In just a few years, Vienna would fall victim to a horror no one would have anticipated. The view from the top of Riesenrad was grand and impressive now, but it would not be long before the view of the city would turn to ashes.

In the meantime, Risa, Elsa, Hilda, and Blanche lived a serene life. Each night, they all prayed for Papa to return unharmed, for their Mama’s business to thrive, and for Serule to find happiness.

Chapter 3

The Letter

Saturday was the day for chores, but Sunday was laundry day. With five women in the house, there was always a lot of laundries to collect. The girls stripped the beds and collected the sheets, towels, and dirty clothes for the half-mile walk to the laundry. Each of them had a bag to carry. It was so difficult to carry the load, especially for Blanche. At seven years old, she was somewhat accident-prone. Mama believed she was just clumsy by nature, but it turned out she was suffering slowly with failing eyesight. She was eventually given thick glasses that never really fit her correctly. Risa, age sixteen, was so independent. She and Mama argued about her friendships with other boys. She insisted they were just friends, but Mama worried about her being seduced into relationships that she was not really ready for. What Mama didn’t know at the time was that Risa was seriously smitten with Heinrick, the next-door neighbor’s son. They were planning on getting married someday, but since he was fifteen and Risa sixteen, they knew it would not be in the near future.

Risa never could understand Mama’s objections to her friendship with Heinrick. It would have been so much easier on Mama if she would have just told Risa the truth—that Mama was pregnant when she married Papa. Mama never wanted Risa to know that she married Papa not for love but for shame. Luckily, the love between Mama and Papa grew as the family began to grow. By the time Blanche was born, they were deeply in love with each other. Risa often wondered if their love could survive their long separation. Mama never talked about how much she missed Papa, but every so often, Risa would see her touching his clothes and bringing them to her face. His smell lingered on his clothes, but after all these years, Mama had to rely solely on her memory. Risa snuck into Mama’s room once and tried to see if she could smell Papa on his clothes, but she got nothing but a stale odor. That can’t be Papa, she thought, or maybe it was. She could not be sure.

Blanche was struggling with her laundry bag in one hand and her doll in the other. When Mama wasn’t around, the girls called the doll Serule, it’s true name. But when Mama was around, he was called Saul. Risa had read in one of her brother’s books that Saul was the first king of Israel, and he united tribes and defeated his enemies. Elsa had hoped that Serule was out there somewhere in the world, fighting his enemies and finding his destiny.

The photography shop Rosenbergs was on the way to the laundry. Something was just a little bit different about the storefront. On the upper right-hand corner of the glass door was a small Star of David. It was not uncommon for stores owned by Jews to put a Star of David on their doors so that Jews knew it was safe to shop there. Mama had told the girls that Mr. Otto, the grocer, said many businesses were now refusing to serve Jewish customers. This forced many stores to close their doors and move to the ghetto area of Vienna. This was a place mostly inhabited by Jews. It never started out that way.

As Jewish families came to Vienna, they wanted to live with their relatives or at least nearby. Slowly, as Jewish families began to congregate together, they expanded to several blocks around stores and the local synagogues. Eventually, this neighborhood called itself a ghetto. Elsa always believed that a ghetto was a place for poor people to live together, but the Jewish ghetto was not a poor area at all. Very wealthy people lived in the ghetto, and businesses thrived. It was also a lively place for Jews to worship, and there was always something to celebrate. Weddings, births, and holidays were huge spectacles, and the girls often snuck in to watch the festivities.

Mama used to get most of her dress customers from the ghetto. Since Maria did not live in the ghetto, it became more difficult for her to get customers as they didn’t want to come to the Swartz house for fittings. They didn’t feel safe leaving the area. Even though Mama had offered to go to their houses for fittings, many women did not want Mama in their homes. Mama had decided that if women from the ghetto did not want her finely made dresses, she would find other customers. Mr. Helmut, the baker, introduced Mama to his wife, who introduced her to all her friends, and business was back in business.

Rosenbergs had been in this storefront for many years. They did not want to move to the ghetto, so they decided to put up the Star of David to encourage Jewish people to enter without shame. It turned out it was a big mistake, as now not only did Jews not want to venture out to the store, Christians did not want to enter as well.

Mama and the girls were several feet away from the laundry when Mama, out of the corner of her eye, saw the mailman across the street.

Madam Swartz, your attention please. I have a letter for you. His arms waved from side to side, motioning for her to halt until he could cross the street.

He crossed the busy street and, with just a little bit of breath left, said, This will save me a trip to your house, plus it looks important. It was important as Mama never got much mail other than a letter every month from Papa.

Are you sure this mail is for me? asked Mama. It’s Sunday, and mail never arrives on Sunday. She had a very quizzical look on her face but took the mail from him and stuffed it in her pocket.

Is everything okay? asked Risa.

It’s a letter from Papa, said Mama with a big smile. She had not heard from him in almost two months, and although hearing from him was always good news, getting a letter on a Sunday seemed like very bad luck.

Open it, open it, open it! yelled Blanche. She tugged on Mama’s skirt.

No, dear, we will open it when we get home. We have waited months. We can wait a few more hours, said Mama.

Laundry day was always a long boring day. Once they arrived and handed over their bundles, they would have to wait for the ladies in charge to sort and label all the items. It would take two hours for the laundry to be ready, so Mama took them to their usual waiting place, the Franz Cafe around the corner. Mama would order a coffee for each of the girls. Of course the coffee wasn’t really coffee. They each got chocolate milk and just pretended it was coffee.

As they sat outside enjoying their coffee, the sisters would always play the same game. Mama had invented it in order to pass the time, but it was a fascinating game. They called it what if.

Blanche, you go first, Mama said with confidence in Blanche’s ability to give a winning answer. Blanche, you are about to leave the house to walk to school. You look outside and it’s dark and cloudy. What if it is raining? Mama looked at the rest of the girls and winked as she knew Blanche would get it correct.

Oh, Mama, that is such an easy one. I would put on my rain boots and take my umbrella, said Blanche, so confident in herself.

Wonderful answer! Mama exclaimed as if Blanche had just solved the mystery of the universe.

Now, Hilda, it’s your turn. You are at the butcher shop. Mr. Ernst has just given you a wonderfully lean piece of meat to take home to your family. You are just about to exit the shop when you notice someone has dropped their billfold on the ground just outside the store. You pick it up. What if it is full of money? Mama looked at Hilda with piercing eyes, daring her to find the right answer.

I would return to the store and give it to Mr. Ernst to find the owner to give it back to the person who dropped it. Hilda looked back at Mama with those same piercing eyes.

Hilda just turned fourteen and was the one who always told the truth. She never lied or even thought about lying. She was so adamant not to call Blanche’s doll Saul around Mama because it was a lie. The doll was Serule, always was and always will be. The doll wasn’t just something occupying space in the Swartz family. He was just the placeholder until Serule returned, whenever that would be. No one knew for sure.

Elsa, now it is your turn, said Mama.

You are in Mr. Helmut’s bakery. What if you see a man taking a loaf of bread from the counter while Mr. Helmut is not looking? Mama asked with such assuring eyes as she believed she would answer in a way that would make her proud.

That is an easy one, Mama. I would distract Mr. Helmut from looking in the man’s direction until the man left the store with his bread, Elsa answered very quickly and watched the disgust in her eyes.

But, Elsa, Mr. Helmut works hard to make his bread and deserves to be paid for his work. That man took advantage of him and should not get away with stealing. Stealing is wrong, said Mama with her face beginning to turn bright red.

Mama, if a man needs bread so badly to feed his family and cannot afford to pay for it, why not let him have it? Doesn’t the man deserve to provide for himself and his family? Isn’t stealing not wrong when it’s in service to the human condition? Aren’t there certain circumstances so unique they deserve mercy and kindness and not punishment? Elsa replied, sitting on the edge of her seat.

Elsa had no idea where she got the term human condition. She must have read it in a book somewhere. Mama was stunned and was about to say something when Elsa chimed in to change the subject.

Mama, I have one for you. Elsa interrupted Mama’s thoughts as she could tell she was about to lecture her on the error of her thinking. Having just turned twelve, Elsa knew a lot more about the world than Mama thought she did. Elsa knew there were men on the streets who hated Jews and refused to let them shop in their stores. She knew there were Jews who were afraid to come out of the ghetto to ask Mama to sew them dresses. She also knew that since they were not Jews, they would be safe in Vienna, that no harm could ever come to them as long as they stayed together. She knew her sisters would always protect and love her. She knew her Mama was cruel to exclude Serule from a family photograph.

Mama, we arrive back home with our freshly laundered things. What if we get to the steps of our house and Serule is sitting on the stoop? Elsa asked with the eyes of her sisters staring right through her.

Mama became a stone. Elsa didn’t think Mama even blinked for the longest time. After several minutes, Mama took one last sip of her coffee. She gathered their cups to return to the counter.

Come, girls. I think our laundry must be done by now, Mama said with no color in her cheeks. Elsa couldn’t tell if she was angry or sad.