The War Within: Operation Mind Crime, #1

By Lee Woods

Kathleen Stewart sees nothing but perfection as she looks into the eyes of her newborn daughter. It appears the life she has wished for is unfolding perfectly—until the realities of the Vietnam War encroach on her dreams. Now Kathleen must come to terms with new challenges as her husband, Logan tells her that he has received orders to join the fight a world away in Southeast Asia. Time does not stand still for Kathleen and baby Kimberly while Logan does his best to defend his country amid a controversial war. Instead, she finds herself in the middle of her own battle when tragedy strikes just as she returns to work at a university.

After she unveils a secret with the potential to end her life, Kathleen is befriended by a man who is battling internal demons of his own As she is propelled on a dangerous journey where she must make difficult choices, a mystery unfolds, exposing Kathleen to an entirely new existence where nothing is certain.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shaw Hill Publishing
• Release date: Jan 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215117354

Book preview

ONE

Kathleen Stewart sat on her bed, looking down at the baby in her arms. She was perfect. Kathleen watched her; her little blue eyes lit up as she smiled up at her mother. Her dark hair covered her small head and framed her round face. Kathleen could not help thinking she was beautiful. She then began to wonder what her life would be like in this new role.

As the thought came to her mind, her stomach began to turn. Not only did her concerns lie with the situation that was unfolding in Vietnam, but she also knew she had not had the best of childhoods, and she hoped she could do better raising this baby than her mother had done with her. She could still recall the confrontation between her mother and father so many years ago.

Kathleen walked into the room, her attention focused on the kitchen door. She immediately stepped back, anticipating what would come next. The door flew open as her father entered the kitchen. His large frame intimidated her as he stood in the doorway. He looked disheveled as he scratched his dark head of hair. He struggled to remove his coat as he tripped over the threshold and stumbled into the room. He caught himself, taking hold of the doorknob, and pulled himself to his feet. With a sweep of his hand, he slammed the door. He was late again.

Kathleen turned quickly as her brother, Charles, came rushing up behind her. He heard the door open from the living room and wanted to greet his father. Kathleen quickly pushed him back from the room, not wanting him to see what would come next.

Run, quickly, she whispered.

Charles looked up at Kathleen briefly, and thinking this was a new sort of game, he smiled and dashed from the room, quickly disappearing. Kathleen watched after him, making sure he was out of harm’s way.

Even at the age of twelve, she could sense the vulnerability of Charles. He was not yet six years old, and small for his age. His eyes were a deep blue that absorbed all they saw and they lit up when he smiled, and though she did not see his smile often, it warmed her heart. , Her attention returned to the scene before her as her father’s voice began to boom.

Where is my dinner? A man works hard all day and shouldn’t have to wait for his dinner! He yelled, looking up trying to focus on his wife as she began to stammer.

It’s here. I just haven’t put it out yet, as I did not want it to get cold. I didn’t know when you would be home.

Kathleen watched as her mother composed herself, so as not to show her fear. She had to admire her, this small woman who would somehow find great strength from within. Kathleen watched her as she tried to remain calm. She somehow looked proud amid the humiliating experience. Her blond hair was pulled back in a bun at the nape of her neck, making her look somewhat regal, even as she stood in her apron in that dingy kitchen.

What do you mean? I’m home the same time every night, and I expect dinner to be on the table! He wavered as he walked toward the table, slurring his words. Then he continued: You’re home all day doing nothing, and you can’t even have dinner on the table? What kind of wife are you? You are a useless piece of shit. He now turned and looked at Kathleen, who met his stare and shrunk back, hoping to avoid confrontation. His voice escalated: And why are you standing there? You’re going to be just like her, you know. Useless! He continued to rant. No man will ever want you for a wife if you follow her ways. He lifted his hand, which had been resting on the back of his chair, to motion toward her mother, who stood by the stove.

The argument continued as Kathleen stepped back and left the kitchen. She went into her room, where she listened to the exchange of insults. She heard a crash, then the sound of his hand as it met her flesh. Her mother screamed out in pain. Then the tables turned; it was as if something snapped inside her. Kathleen tried to drown out the sounds by burying her head in her pillow. The tears began to fall as she continued to listen, as hard as she tried not to. She heard her mother’s voice rise to a level that frightened her. She immediately rose from her bed to find out if her mother was still alive.

She entered the kitchen in time to see her mother escape the grasp of her father. A chair fell to the floor as she narrowly escaped and stumbled to the sink, where she pulled herself to her feet. Her mother paused before she turned to look at her husband. She rose slowly, supporting herself by the sink, her hands behind her back. Kathleen looked on helplessly. She looked at her father, who was glaring at her mother. In a fit of rage, he bolted toward her. He got within a foot of her before she brought her hands from behind her back. Kathleen’s heart jumped and her throat became constricted as she watched what happened next.

Her mother displayed a large kitchen knife, which she held in both hands. She stood before him with tears in her eyes and raised the knife as she began to speak.

I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of the insults and the beatings. I am not a punching bag . . . not anymore. Her voice was quivering, and she continued: My children will not be either.

She had now composed herself enough to stand without the help of the counter. She stepped forward as she continued: I want you out of here! Now! If you stay here, you will be found dead in your bed by morning. Her voice was shaking as she continued, I mean it. I’ve had enough. I have nothing to lose. You are drunk as usual, and I won’t live with you like this. Go now. She continued moving toward her target.

He slowly stepped back his hands raised in front of his chest. He snickered. You wouldn’t dare. I am stronger than you, and I just might turn that knife on you.

She cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders before speaking, as though this would add to her height and give her the courage she needed to continue. You may be stronger than me, but you’re drunk. You’ll be passed out within the hour. You’ll be at my mercy then, and I promise you won’t wake up this time. As I said, I have nothing left to lose.

Kathleen shuddered as she remembered that scene. Her father did leave that night, and Kathleen remembered the rush of peace that came with his leaving. Unfortunately, it was short-lived. Her mother was never the same after that.

As the years passed, life for Kathleen and her younger brother got progressively worse. They spent most of their young lives in and out of foster homes. When they returned to their mother’s care, they were to witness many of her indiscretions. If money came into the house it was spent on her mother’s foolish wants, including extravagant clothing, perfumes, and alcohol. It was not uncommon for them to go hungry for days at a time, with only bread to eat or maybe a can of soup. There was no such thing as a holiday in the house. The two pretty much raised themselves.

When Kathleen graduated, she left the house determined to make something of herself, although she always felt guilty for leaving Charles behind. There was no place for a twelve-year-old boy on a college campus. She promised she would take him away on weekends whenever she could, and tried to keep her promise, but when she showed up at the house the weekend before Christmas, he was gone.

The state had gone in and removed him from the house and placed him in foster care. Charles had shown up for school in the same clothes three days in a row, indicating neglect. When the administration filed a complaint with the state, they went in right away, knowing his mother’s history. He was removed and placed in foster care that very day. Kathleen was sad that Charles had to go through such a terrible experience, but grateful to see him placed in a caring home. She went to see him often and vowed to take him home with her when she finished college—a promise she made good.

She had no regrets about it, either. Charles excelled in school and was able to attend college. She was proud of him. He had graduated with honors and was now doing his residency at Memorial Hospital.

Kathleen sat on the bed, looking into this baby’s eyes smiling as she thought about how all that madness seemed so long ago, in another lifetime so far away. Logan entered the room, interrupting Kathleen’s thoughts. Kathleen watched him as he approached the bed. He carried himself with dignity, and his long strides made him cross the room quickly. He looked down at the beautiful baby that Kathleen gently held, and he smiled.

She’s beautiful.

Kathleen looked up, smiled shyly, and agreed, Yes, she is, isn’t she?

Logan reached out his arms toward the baby. May I?

Kathleen lifted her to the safety of Logan’s arms. She watched as the two bonded while Logan walked her around the room, talking to her. She gazed up at him, studying his face, and smiled. Logan looked up at Kathleen, blushed, and then returned his attentions to their daughter. They were in their little world. She was going to be Daddy’s little girl.

Kathleen watched Logan, thinking how nice things would be for their new family. He continued his conversation while Kathleen observed. He stood tall and confident, and though his physical strength was evident, he displayed gentleness, clearly and openly, as he bonded with his newborn daughter.

Kathleen smiled again as she was reminded of Kimberly’s blue eyes, a gift from her father. His hair was lighter but displayed the waviness that she recognized in Kimberly’s dark hair. He was a handsome man; however, he wasn’t prideful. He made Kathleen feel safe, and she couldn’t help but wonder how she got so lucky. She smiled at herself and her thoughts. She was happy.

Logan returned to Kathleen’s bedside.

What are you smiling at, dear? He leaned over and returned the baby to her mother, carefully tucking the blanket around her.

Oh, I don’t know. I just couldn’t help but smile as I am thinking how very fortunate we are to have so many blessings in our lives. You, me, the baby, we’re a family now, just like we always hoped.

Logan leaned a little closer as he kneeled at the bedside and embraced Kathleen gently, careful not to suffocate the baby.

Yes, we’re a family, and I love you both with all my heart. You’ve made me very, happy. He smiled. His eyes glanced from Kathleen to the baby, and then he focused on the robin perched in the tree outside the window.

Kathleen’s guard went up immediately. Logan, what is it? What’s wrong? Her heart began to race, yet she displayed no anxiety.

Logan returned his attentions to Kathleen, and he so desperately wanted to spare her the pain she would surely endure. She sat looking up at him with eyes he could drown in. The deep pools of brown glassed over with tears as he continued to gaze at her. The smile that lit up her beautiful face disappeared, and the color began to fade. The soft contour of her face hardened, as did the stare that pierced his soul. His sobering look was nothing compared to the sound of his voice. Kathleen, I’ve received new orders.

Relief came over Kathleen as she shrugged off the anxious feeling that had come over her. That’s nothing new. When do we leave? If we have even a couple of days, I can have us packed up and ready to go. I have this down to a science, you know. I even saved the boxes this time; they’re in the basement. Logan raised his hand to her lips and gently rested his fingers on them.

No, Kathleen, not this time. We are not moving. You’re staying right here.

Kathleen stared at Logan in disbelief. She shook her head as if she were confused. What do you mean? Confusion turned to shock. Logan, no! You’re talking about Vietnam, aren’t you? You can’t go!

Kathleen’s voice had escalated until people walking by her room began to take notice of her hysterics. Logan took her arm and tried to comfort her.

Kathleen, it’s okay. It will only be fifteen months. I’ll be home before you know it.

Kathleen pulled her arm away. Yes, a small space of time that will seem like an eternity. I don’t want you to go. Her voice began to crack, and her guard went up. She looked up at Logan with pleading eyes. Logan, we just had a baby. Don’t you want to share that joy? Don’t you want to watch her grow? She won’t even know you when you return.

Kathleen, you know it’s not that easy. I’ve committed myself to my duties, and now I must follow through. He reached up to wipe the tear that had escaped down her cheek.

Again, Kathleen pulled away, composing herself before continuing. Look, Logan, I’m sorry. I know that it’s your duty. We will be fine while you are gone.

Logan tried to control the guilt he felt. Kathleen, I want to see my daughter as she grows. I want to see her take her first steps. And, yes, I want to protect her. I want to protect her from everything. If we don’t do this now, not only could our family be threatened, but our security as a country could be at stake as well. We’re talking about communism, Kathleen.

Kathleen just looked at Logan, unable to fathom the possibility of life without him. Logan took Kathleen’s hand in his and began to speak: Kathleen, please understand there isn’t any danger, and this is a training mission. We are not at war; we’re there to learn, and then, if necessary, we will teach the Vietnamese how to protect themselves. We’ll be there to assist, that’s all.

Kathleen took a deep breath, and a faint smile crossed her face. Okay, I’m sorry. It just makes me nervous, all this talk about the war. It seems never-ending, one thing after another. It’s just that we keep hearing about the incidents over there. What about the five helicopters that were shot down in January, killing those three Americans? Why can’t everyone get along? I just want you to be safe. I don’t think I could bear to live without you.

Don’t even think that way. Everything will be fine. Logan squeezed Kathleen’s hand in reassurance.

I believe you, Logan. You’ve never given me a reason not to, and I will have to take your word that nothing will happen. I will try to be more clearheaded in my thoughts. I’ll get used to these changes. After all, they are only temporary.

I know, Kathleen. My deployment is going to be an adjustment. But we will get through this. Everything will be fine.

Excuse me, Mrs. Stewart, I don’t mean to interrupt. I need to take the baby back to the nursery now. The nurse looked at Kathleen apologetically upon entering the room. She began to speak as she crossed the room and stood at Kathleen’s bedside. I’ll bring her back to you after she has seen the doctor.

She reached out and took the baby from Kathleen. Well, hello, Kimberly. What a pretty name—a pretty name to match a pretty face. The nurse looked at the baby, talking to her as if she could understand every word. She then looked up to address Kathleen. I’ll bring her back to you for her next feeding.

The nurse smiled and left the room.

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room as Kathleen began to speak. Logan, I don’t want to keep bringing up the subject, but when you said that you had received your orders . . . she stammered, I mean . . . I know what it means. I just . . . I . . . She took a deep breath. I’m afraid to ask, but when will you be leaving?

Logan looked at Kathleen. My orders request that I leave for Camp Pendleton, where training will take place and equipment will be prepared. After two months of training, our battalion will leave for Okinawa. There was a brief pause, and Logan spoke softly. Then, if necessary, we’ll go on to Vietnam. I’ll be leaving two weeks from Friday.

Kathleen tried to fight back the tears, but they kept coming. She couldn’t say anything. Logan sat down next to Kathleen and held her, cradling her, trying to comfort her. At that moment she could no longer control her fears. She broke down and cried. The tears flowed as if there were no end to them. The only thing Logan could do was hold her. He stroked her long dark hair, caressed her back, and rocked her gently. It was when the tears subsided, and only then, that Logan began to speak.

This seems the most inopportune time for this. But my duty is to protect my country. Sometimes we might not agree with the politics, but we must always support the freedom of all nations. We must remember that if we don’t help those with a desire for freedom, we may jeopardize the future freedom of our country when those who want to control the world threaten us.

Kathleen sat up and brushed the tears from her face. She took a deep breath and looked at Logan. She smiled through her tears as she began to speak.

Logan, I love you. I trust that you are right, and this will be a quick training exercise that will cause no worry. I will support you and our country in its effort to make the world a better place. I just hope you’re right.

Logan raised his hand to Kathleen’s face and caressed her cheek as he spoke. I love you too, Kathleen. Everything will be fine.

They were both silent now, taking in the moment and wishing the situation were different. Logan reached out and took Kathleen’s hand. Kathleen touched his hand and gently ran her hand along his and up his arm. She continued up his shoulder, where she wrapped her hand around his neck. She leaned in and gently kissed his lips. Logan responded by embracing Kathleen. He pulled her close and softly whispered into her ear, I love you, Kathleen Stewart.

TWO

We must take this opportunity to continue testing. We have come far enough that we can’t turn back. Just think of the possibilities. What has been a struggle and strain on society’s economies can all be a thing of the past. If we continue with this program, we’ll be able to control the abilities of all nations and change the course of human nature, by causing all people to think and act within a common law. You know—everything for the good of the country, and eventually the world.

The director stopped, took a breath, and looked out across the table, then scanned the faces of the men that sat before him, looking for any sign of betrayal. When he was satisfied, they were all loyal, he continued.

Now, you all know these experiments began with the government as means to protect the citizens of this country. The government used these tactics as a defense against communism. That threat still exists today. Communism is still a major threat to the world, and the countries that promote communism are using any means to succeed and become the only world power. We can’t let that happen. He stepped away from the table and began to pace back and forth. He clasped his hands together in front of him and began to wring them together. Our government continues with the experiments; however, they are becoming lax and unwilling to perform certain tasks necessary to get the result that is needed. We’ve seen how irresponsible they can be. Not too long ago, they had an experiment go wrong. While experimenting with LSD on certain individuals, one of them had a bad reaction and ultimately ended up jumping out a window due to his hallucinations. These are mistakes we can’t afford. This lapse in judgment cannot find its way into our program. We must be held to a higher standard to produce flawless results. He stopped pacing and returned to the head of the table. Standing in the shadows, he continued.

Our country is soon to be tested, yet again. I can sense it as I listen to the buzz and watch the news unfold in Southeast Asia. Prepare yourselves, gentlemen, for the next war. Mark my words, it will be only a matter of months, not years, before we throw ourselves into the middle of a battle between communism and the desire to live as a free people. We’ll be a part of this war and will use it to our benefit. We’ll use it as a tool to test our theories, perform additional experiments, and create an opportunity to work on the inside as we fine-tune this program.

An anxious voice spoke out from the far end of the table: What do you mean? What will we be doing over there? What can we do there that we can’t do here? And ultimately how much will all this cost?

You don’t need to worry about any of that. None of you will be leaving the country. What I’m speaking of is the opportunity to use our military to perform in a vastly superior way to the enemy. We’ll prepare certain men before they leave the country, that will perform specific duties beyond anything previously thought possible, ‘super soldiers’ that will outperform any other. I’m working on the particulars, related to how we’ll be able to monitor such a test so we can document the performance. Once we perfect the operation, we’ll be able to create a super army that will defeat the enemy. Once this happens, we can begin the real work.

Again, a question erupted from within the room. If the soldiers are not the work, then what is?

That need not be a concern of yours yet. I’ll keep you all informed as time and opportunity allow. You just need to be ready. He paused briefly, then continued, I think it’s time to adjourn this meeting. You will be contacted and given information concerning our next meeting. That is all. With his final words, he turned and left the room.

The men sat in silence as the director made his exit. As soon as the door closed, a hum began in the room; then someone piped up and spoke above the others.

Is anyone else concerned about all of this? All this talk of super soldiers makes me a little uncomfortable.

Another voice interrupted. Not really. When you stop and think of why all this began, you might understand why the director has such a great desire to succeed. You see, the director was in the military during the Korean War and became privy to important information related to the Communist camp. They were using our soldiers attempting to have our men spy for them. They even went so far as to use mind control to get the brainwashed soldiers to turn on their country and kill their men. Our government heard what had been going on. Because they have no desire to allow communism to rule the world, they took it into their hands and began a project here to offset the enemy. It’s just spiraled from there. I think he just wants to make sure the people of this country always have the freedoms we have become used to.

I see. Well, I hope it doesn’t get out of hand. I mean, all this talk of super soldiers and mind control makes me a little uneasy. I just want to make a difference in the ability of our country to better defend itself against any enemy. If that is what we are doing, then we should probably get back to work.

With that, he pushed back his chair and stood up. The others followed his example and stepped away from the table and silently headed for the door. One by one they exited the room, each one giving adequate time in between, so as not to draw attention from those passing by. The last man turned and scanned the room, making sure nothing was left behind. He then opened the door, proceeded into the hallway, and assimilated himself into the crowd of unsuspecting people that already filled the hallway as it continued moving.

THREE

The morning dragged on for Kathleen. She was anxious to be in their home, and desperate to have her new family all together. However short-lived it may be, Kathleen wanted nothing more. She sat on the bed with her bag packed beside her and thought, What, is taking so long? Where is that nurse? She stood up as Logan entered the room.

Hey there, how’s my beautiful wife this morning?

He walked across the room and grabbed her around the waist, lifting her off the floor.

Logan! Kathleen tried to be serious but couldn’t contain her excitement any more than he could. She laughed.

I can’t wait to get out of here. I just want to get home and have everything back to normal.

Logan lowered Kathleen to the floor but did not release her. He held her tight. I wish I could hold you like this forever. You give me my strength, you know. I feel like I could conquer the world as long as you remain at my side.

Kathleen’s smile faded. Yes, well you’d better hold on to that feeling so if you need to, you’ll be able to. She could feel the tears beginning to well up inside.

Logan released Kathleen and raised his hand to caress her face. Kathleen, I know this is difficult, but you must remain optimistic. Not only for your sake, but the baby’s as well. Just remember that I’ll come home, no matter what.

I know, Logan. It’s just going to be difficult to get used to not having you with me every night. I’ll miss you while you are away. Kathleen tried to smile now, for she realized that this was just as hard on Logan as it was on her. Logan, I’ll be fine while you are gone. We’ll be fine, but I’ll still miss you.

And I’ll miss you too. Now let’s stop all this talk and get you home. We only have two weeks together before I leave. Let’s make the most of them. Logan looked up as the nurse entered the room.

Good morning, the nurse began, Kimberly’s almost ready. We’ll bring her right along so you can be on your way. I just need you to complete this paperwork for me. She reached out and handed Kathleen a clipboard and a pen. I’ll return for this when I bring Kimberly to you. She smiled and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Logan walked to the window and surveyed the scene below as Kathleen began to focus on the papers in front of her. He thought of all the first moments he would be missing as he watched an ambulance pull in and make its way to the emergency entrance. At that moment, the door swung open, and a nurse entered holding Kimberly, followed by an orderly they hadn’t seen before. He followed the nurse, pushing an empty wheelchair.

Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Stewart, here’s your baby girl. And, Kathleen, you will need to have a seat here. The nurse signaled for Kathleen to sit down in the wheelchair. Kathleen returned the clipboard to the nurse and sat down. The nurse handed Kimberly to Kathleen, who gently lowered her to her lap.

The nurse double-checked the signatures to be sure none were forgotten. She looked up, walked toward the door, and holding it open said, Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Stewart, you are free to leave. Take your little girl home. She smiled. And give her all the love and understanding you can. She’ll be all grown up before you know it.

Kathleen looked up at Logan, who was looking admiringly at his little girl, with a slight smile on his face. He then focused on

Kathleen.

All right, girls, let’s go home. He reached down to grasp the handles of the wheelchair and pushed it out the door toward the elevator.

Logan positioned the wheelchair inside the elevator and reached toward the number two on the panel. He pushed it and turned to Kathleen.

I love you, Kathleen, and this little girl. Both of you will always be the most important people in my life. Please always remember that.

Kathleen reached out to touch Logan’s arm and reassured him. Logan, we are both very lucky to have such a wonderful man in our lives, and we’ll always be here for you, promise! She smiled at him and said, Now take me home.

Logan laughed and rose to his feet as the door to the elevator opened. Yes, dear. Anything you say.

FOUR

Logan fumbled with the key and unlocked the door, then opened it and stepped aside to allow Kathleen to enter. Kathleen stopped in the living room and turned, gazing at her home.

I didn’t realize how much I missed it.

Logan took her elbow and led her into Kimberly’s room before she had a chance to scan her surroundings. Oh, Logan, it’s beautiful. You finished it! Kathleen