Around the Bend

By Julian Keith

What lies

AROUND THE BEND

A collection of stories from the off-kilter mind of Julian Keith,  (John Dee's Back Leg, Brane Fever) these weird and wandering tales take the reader into the past, the future, the west, the asteroid belt, the jungle and the local mall, among other locations.  Like a basket of ripe fruits, rich, varied, tart and sweet, no two alike, these sixteen pieces, from flash fiction to long short stories, introduce dozens of memorable characters in plots you have not heard before.  If they have anything in common with each other it is that they are all a little strange.  Get ready…

• Language: English
• Publisher: Julian Keith
• Release date: Dec 10, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215813553

Julian Keith

Julian Keith on himself That’s not my real name.  I’m a regional theatre actor, director and playwright based in the U.S. ,  returning to my first love – fiction.  I chose Indie self-publication over the traditional but protracted route through agents and publishers because, after years of writing stories in the small hours after performance, I’m impatient to inflict my off-stage writing on you, dear reader.

Book preview

Contents

PART ONE: Voices from Elsewhere

The Very Edge   

Harmony Park  

Two Ways to Go 

Turning Point 

Conversation Piece   

PART TWO: SOJURNS

Blunt Bryan and the High Horses 

Lilacs   

*The Body in the Boxcar

Down There   

Gratitude Adjustment

The Urquart Bequest  

Chimes 

*Overlook Incognita 

Shift Change  

PART THREE: Dead Ends

Someone has to

1     Commission

2     Vocation

3     Amanuensis

*Included in Around the Bend: two stories set in the whimsical if dilapidated town of Overlook City, a long way from anywhere you would know. Look for the Overlook Collections – coming soon!

AROUND THE BEND

By Julian Keith

PART ONE

Voices from Elsewhere

THE VERY EDGE

"L adies and gentlemen , fellow voyagers, I know it has been a long, hard day and you are all ready to go back to the transport for some quality float capsule time. But Peregrine Adventure Vacations likes to give value for money and a rewarding experience in return for all those weeks of tedium it took to get here... Sorry? You think this is a boring asteroid? Well, I admit there has been little to see, so far. But all that is just about to change!  Fellow seekers! We have now reached the point in our trek where Peregrine Adventure Vacations provides an unannounced bonus, an experience which no living creature in this universe has... experienced, until this very moment! That woke you all up a bit, didn’t it?  Intrigued, are we? Well, Ladies and gentleman, holidaymakers, it’s time. You are in fact standing on the very rim of the famous Doppler Vortex – Mr. Perkins, you’re scraping against the rock-face, you don’t want to puncture your suit! Easy... Everybody! I want you all to be very alert and be very careful in the next few historic moments as you become the first – ever – to enter the Vortex. Excuse me? How do I know it’s safe? How do I know it’s safe. Because Peregrine Adventure values its clientele too much to expose them to actual physical danger. Our treks are rugged, yes, we promise adventure and I think you’ll agree we deliver, but if we were to start losing patrons on distant planetary bodies, it wouldn’t be very good for business, would it? At Peregrine Adventure Vacations your safety is in our best interest, you probably saw that in your brochure... How long? To that question, Miss Oxenford, I can only say, we only fully experience experiences when we allow the experience to take us in its embrace, to enfold us, as it were, to take us where it will. I have no idea. We are the first to pass this way and what we will find beyond is beyond our ken. This way, please, single file in the narrow places - Great Scott, Mr. Murray, I hope you’re not succumbing to galaxy fever, of course we have plenty of oxygen, we don’t endanger our clients’ wellbeing with narrow safety margins, you breathe as deeply as you like, but if I may go on? It is of course a fairly widely accepted theory that not all gravity on every heavenly body necessarily follows the same protocols – Hey! Mr. Brine, would you watch your goddam step or find your way back to the transport! Space tourist status does not give you the right to endanger the lives of fellow passengers! Careful! OK. What I’m saying is, this vortex around and down which we are making our descent was probably the result of an irregularity in the latent centripetal force of the asteroid. An heretorefore unseen anomaly in the gravitational field, at this very point, caused this highly unusual formation in the terrain, which courtesy of Peregrine Adventure Vacations, we of the Premier Galaxy Supertour are fortunate enough to be exploring for the very first time. Sorry? Look - I can’t keep answering questions or I won’t get through my spiel – also, this is just as wearing on me as it is on you, you know, you don’t have to walk and talk and hold the umbrella at the same – What? I’m not sure I follow you. No. No, look, it’s simple. The anomaly in the field must have caused this vortex, down and around which we are currently descending, you got that much? Right. Right. Yes, including that hole or shaft or whatever it is down there in the middle, which you are about to be the first creatures in the history of the galaxy to peer into – What are you saying? If an anomaly caused the vortex, yes, does it not follow that what? That the vortex indicates the presence of the anomaly? Vortex indicates the ...Look, Mr. Berger, I know you and I have not particularly hit it off and I’m sorry about what happened during the weightless Twister game but, all I’m saying is, if it were dangerous down here, Peregrine Adventure vacations would never have 

END

HARMONY PARK

I n these delightful pleasant groves, sang the New Renaissance Women and Men Madrigal group. People on blankets and in loungers smiled and nodded and dozed.

In these delightful ple-asant groves... 

Shut the fuck up, thought Louis the Fish, slithering through the crowd and blinking in the sunshine.

. Let us celebrate our happy, happy loves...  The singers all smiled brightly, leaning forward to make sure their audience heard every note.

Where the hell is that asshole? Louis mumbled. One hand tipped his hat forward over his sweaty head and surveyed the crowd, the bandstand and the bodies lying on towels around the lake, the other cradled the .38 in his jacket pocket.

Let us celebrate, let us celebrate, let us celebrate...

He wasn’t going to kill the asshole, not today anyway, just put the frighteners on him a little. What the heck, the sun was shining, it wasn’t that kind of a day.

Hey, mister!  Something poked Louis in the back of the thigh, less than kindly.

What?

I can’t see! She was gray haired, more lines on her face than a fingerprint, about up to Louis’ waist and mad. I asked you three times, will you move?

...our happy, happy loves...

Lady! That’s my leg!

Shh!  a lot of people said.

Let’s dance, dance and sing...

What are you doing, poking me in the leg for?

I’m trying to see!

Shh!!!!

You always poke guys in the leg? Huh?

I’m gonna poke you in the balls, you don’t move!

Dance and la-ha-ha-ha-haugh...

Poke me in the – lady, I could eat you like a buffalo wing!

You gonna move?

La-ha-ha-ha—haugh...

How about I move you? Like about a hundred feet in the air? 

You leave that little lady alone, you son of a bitch, said a guy in a t-shirt and muscles, behind shades.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, said another guy behind him with a peace sign tattooed on his face. 

Picking on a little old lady... murmured a lot of people, looking at Louis sideways.

Louis’ arm, the one with the .38 in its hand, was twitching like an itching dog. 

Laugh and sing...

Louis considered. The old lady punched him in the balls. Louis protested loudly, the crowd remonstrated, the singers sang louder, the old lady punched him on the jaw.

Attagirl! shouted a lot of people. 

"In these delightful pleasant groves..."

All right, for crying out loud, I’m leaving already...

"You’d better leave!" from Shades.

"That’s for damned sure!" from Peace Sign.

Asshole! from about the height of Louis’.

Roaring, Louis started to pull out his gun, which got stuck in the lining of his pocket.

Hey! Shades jabbed him in the chest with a finger. Go!

Now! said the little old lady.

"Come on, asshole!" Peace sign grabbed him by the back of his collar.

A lot of people cheered.

Let us celebrate...

Get your goddamned – hands – off me! Louis flailed, struggling with his pocket.

The singers stopped. There was a silence. The smallest singer, a girl with dark hair curling prettily under her chin, stood on her tiptoes at the microphone and said, Do you want us to sing or not?

Yes!! roared the crowd.

We don’t have to sing, we can go somewhere else...

No!!!

It’s no fun for us of you’re not going to listen...

Sing!!!!

Sir, are you going to keep causing a disturbance? She asked very politely. The

crowd waited for Louis to answer.

No, no, no, I’m just –  Louis indicated leaving with hat and shoulders. I’m outa ere.

Well, we’ll wait till you’re gone and then we’ll start again.

The crowd snarled, at Louis. Louis backed away, ducking and smiling nicely at the crowd and the singers. The crowd cheered. Louis, blind with rage, stumbled into a fat man, walking, and was simultaneously struck by the fat man’s stick and bitten by his dog.  The crowd laughed. The tiny singer said, OK, from the top.

When I find that asshole, Louis consoled himself, threading a careful way through the bodies on towels, I’m going to ventilate him, I’ll perforate the son of a bitch, I’ll put about a thousand holes in his fucking head...

The strains floated across the park: In these de-lightful ple-asant groves...

END

TWO WAYS TO GO

An E-pistolary romance

Dear Mrs. Salmon,

I know you saw me watching you during the City Council meeting last night.  I couldn't keep my eyes off you. Those legs...  You must have known how much of your skin I could see.  But you did not move to avoid my gaze, or pull your skirt down. You like being looked at, don't you? I want you to come and see me. There are two ways to go from your house to mine – along Willow Street, left past the library and my front door is the third on the left. Or you can take the trail through the trees. The steps on the right will take you up to my garden and the path to my bedroom door.  Any time, any day – you say when.

Impatiently,

David Gardner

Re: Two Ways to Go

SIR,

How dare you? I don't know who you think you are.  You move into our town, get yourself on every council and committee you can, write letters to the editor practically every week as though your views were important, and now you start insulting the happily married wives of local prominent families.

Please do not approach me or any members of my family in public or any other way, or I shall expose you for the unprincipled lecher you clearly are.

Melanie Salmon

PS. I hope you will vote against the proposal to allow commercial vehicles to use Willow Street to access Second Avenue. Some of us are early risers.

Your husband

IS A SELF-IMPORTANT, out of shape bore who is too busy trying to rescue his paltry business to be aware of your infinite charms. I think his appetites lie elsewhere. It is clear from your respective body language that any physical relationship you ever had died away long ago. It's also clear you are a precious jewel in need of a good polish. Come to me and let me show you how much I appreciate you. And next time you run a razor up your exquisite legs, think of me doing it for you. I'm waiting.

PS.  The traffic on Second Avenue is badly in need of relief. 

You

ARE UNBELIEVABLY IMPERTINENT. My husband's desires are no concern of yours. Did no one teach you manners?  To speak to a woman you have barely been introduced to on the subject of her intimate marital relations is improper in the extreme. The same is true of your references to my anatomy.  How would you like it if I were to write to you about your body? It is true my husband is not in the most vigorous physical condition but he is devoted to his business and frequently traveling for his company, which leaves him little time for exercise.  We can't all go jogging through the woods at six in the morning.  However, whatever physical satisfaction I may or may not find with my husband is certainly no concern of yours.  I am erasing this correspondence in case he finds it.  Please do not write to me again in this shameful fashion.

Melanie 

Re: You

WHY INSIST ON DENYING yourself? Life is passing you by, every day disappears a little faster and will never come back. Will you be an old lady looking wistfully back on your past, wondering why you refused to accept the offers of one who was