Santa Camp

By Michael Strobl and Marcin Piwowarski

With a truly unique premise, Michael Strobl's SANTA CAMP is laugh-out-loud funny -- Aimee Jodoin for IndieReader

The clever writing is peppered with puns and wordplay, and Strobl pens several references aimed at adult readers that m

• Language: English
• Publisher: Doodlebug Press
• Release date: Nov 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986578125

Michael Strobl

MICHAEL STROBL has extensive experience monitoring the naughty and nice behavior of two (mostly) nice children, Olivia and Nate. Originally from Colorado, he has spent 38 years -- in uniform and as a civilian -- working for the U.S. Marine Corps and the Department of Defense. In spite of being initially unqualified and inept, he has performed other sporadic duties such as Assistant to the Assistant Tooth Fairy and Domestic Christmas Present Distribution Associate. Michael lives in Northern Virginia with his wife, Stacey (the Assistant Tooth Fairy and Head of Domestic Christmas Present Distribution). She, too, is generally "nice."

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Copyrighted Material

Santa Camp

Copyright © 2023 by Doodlebug Press. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission from the publisher, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

For information about this title or to order other books and/or electronic media, contact the publisher:

Doodlebug Press

santacamp.com

[e-mail]

ISBN:

979-8-9865781-1-8 (hardcover)

979-8-9865781-0-1 (softcover)

979-8-9865781-2-5 (eBook)

979-8-9865781-3-2 (audiobook)

Cover and Interior design: 1106 Design

Illustrator: Marcin Piwowarski

This is for Olivia and Nate. All things considered, you exhibited a reasonably tolerable naughty-to-nice ratio when you were younger and I more closely monitored such things. I hope this story reminds you that, if you believe in yourself (and a little magic), you can be whatever you set your mind to. I love you.

And for Nate’s mom—the star on top of our Christmas tree.

Contents

Part I: Elf-Interest

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Part II: Elf-Determination

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Part III: Elf-Validation

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Epilogue

About the Author

Part I

Elf-Interest

Chapter 1

THIS WAS ABOUT TO BE the worst Christmas Eve ever. Or, well . . . we’ll see.

Nate was hurtling down the snowy bumpy hill—out of control—when his life flashed before his eyes. Luckily, because he wasn’t that old, the replay of his life went by quickly and he could return his focus to the matter at hand. He had intended to show his bossy big sister that she was wrong, but now his sled was speeding down Glover’s Hill faster than his shadow could keep up.

With ice spraying into his face, Nate swerved to avoid a jagged rock but this put him on a path straight into the trees. From the top of the hill Olivia saw him disappear into the woods. She almost felt bad for telling him, just moments before, that he was a terrible sled driver.

Then she heard the crash.

Nate’s front tooth had been loose all week, but now it lay in the snow beneath the old birch tree next to his crumpled sled. With his wet red mitten he plucked the tooth out of the snow. Just last week he had lost his other front tooth so now, right before Christmas, he was missing his two front teeth. What are the odds of that? he wondered.

Nate began to worry. He always worried on Christmas Eve. He knew that Santa Claus was watching him while he was sleeping and, supposedly, while he was awake. He also knew there was a fine line between naughty and nice.

Oh, he’d had a few incidents over the year but at least there were no major crimes—I mean, how was he supposed to know that magic markers are permanent? (What’s so magic about that?!) Or that his mother prefers not to have his pet lizard Eragon sleep in her underwear drawer? Or that . . . well, there’s no need to dredge up ancient history. Besides, the Halloween candy-in-the-toaster fiasco was weeks ago. But this year Nate was especially nervous.

You see, Nate was worried about the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus coming to his house at the same time on Christmas Eve. Earlier that morning, Olivia had told him he shouldn’t pull out his tooth today because Santa and the Tooth Fairy wouldn’t want to come on the same night.

Although Olivia was only twelve, she thought she knew everything. If you asked Nate, however, he would disagree. After all, Olivia thought it was a good idea to take a shower every day.

But still, Nate knew that Santa liked things to be nice and quiet before he would show up. No creatures stirring, not even a mouse. Yeah, yeah. So the jolly old elf liked to work solo . . . who was Nate to mess with a good thing? As long as Santa left the loot, Nate felt no need to question the old dude’s work habits. Besides, it had been such a hassle being good all year but, now that it was Christmas Eve, Nate was hoping for the big payoff—and he didn’t need the Tooth Fairy to horn on in and mess things up.

And as for the Tooth Fairy, Nate had no idea what her deal was. Anybody who collected body parts—and paid good money for them too—had to be a little kooky, right?

What’s up with her anyway? Nate thought. I wonder if she pays for other body parts too because I have some really long toe nails I’d be willing to part with—if the price is right.

Anyway, eight reindeer and a big fat man in a red suit yelling Ho, ho, ho! would simply send her over the edge. After all, this was a lady not known for her emotional stability. I mean, really, who collects teeth for fun?

Nate was guessing that she also liked to work alone. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t care to have an A-lister like Santa on the scene while she was trying to do her job. Yep, as far as Nate was concerned, having Santa and the Tooth Fairy show up on the same night was just asking for trouble.

Chapter 2

THAT NIGHT AT DINNER Nate told his mom and dad how he lost the tooth. He asked his mom if the Tooth Fairy would come if Santa was there also. Nate’s mom said she wasn’t sure if Santa was even coming for Nate this year.

After all, Nate, she said, if Santa sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake, and if he knows when you’ve been bad or good . . .

Oh, for goodness sake, thought Nate. His mom’s lectures were a lot like a sled going down an icy hill: once they got going, both were dangerous and hard to stop.

Nate’s mom was still talking but by this time Nate was thinking about other things. He looked across the table at Olivia who was enjoying the lecture more than he was.

The white bow tied up in Olivia’s brown hair reminded Nate of a marshmallow floating in a cup of hot chocolate—he liked hot chocolate, especially with lots of marshmallows. He thought it was cool when his lips turned brown and his teeth got sticky from the melted marshmallows, and he really liked . . .

. . . and then there was the time, Nate’s mom was still going, last August when you put the frog in Olivia’s bed.

Nate tried hard not to laugh as Olivia now glared at him from across the kitchen table. Nate thought she’d lose her mind if she knew where he put the frog after he took it out of her bed. Let’s just say he was glad he flushed the toilet before . . .

. . . and, young man, let’s talk about your little homerun hitting contest and my shattered grandfather clock in the hallway, Nate’s mom continued.

Sheesh, what is this, America’s Most Wanted? Nate wondered.

Maybe his mom should’ve read him his rights before she passed the potatoes. Sure, he’d had a few minor issues this year, but he thought his mom was being a bit overdramatic. Besides, that dumb grandfather clock was older than anybody’s grandfather that Nate knew. Wasn’t it about time for a new clock anyway?

Nate’s mom was still rambling on—something about powdered sugar in her hair dryer . . . April Fool’s Day . . . who knew? Nate was looking at her and nodding but he was thinking about how he could get to the next level on his new video game.

Finally, his mom seemed to be wrapping it up. Nate figured he’d better pay attention now.

And so, young man, do you think you’ve been naughty or nice this year? his mom concluded.

Nate sensed this was a trick question so he went with his gut.

Nice, he said.

Olivia hooted. Nate didn’t know what to do so he started to sing Jingle Bells. Unfortunately, because of the hole in his mouth where his teeth used to be, it sounded like Jingle Belth.

Chapter 3

LATER THAT NIGHT, after Nate brushed his teeth (the ones that were left, that is), his mom tucked him in and they put his tooth under his pillow. As she pulled his soft blue quilt up to his chin she kissed him on the cheek, told him she loved him and that, for the most part, he had been, by and large, nice all year.

That was good to hear. After the long lecture at the dinner table, Nate was concerned. He figured Santa couldn’t possibly watch every kid every day. Nate was pretty sure he hadn’t made the Naughty List. But still, he thought, as he felt the new hole where