The Presence of Absence

By Richard Bell

"In this sequence of poems, accomplished poet Richard Bell pays homage to his wife of many years, who died of cancer. In doing so, he explores the process of grieving, finding it to be inseparable from memory and, ultimately, from love. Memories and feelings both have a kind of autonomy; they surface unpredictably, according to their own rhythms

• Language: English
• Publisher: Debbie Lee
• Release date: Nov 9, 2022
• ISBN: 9781761094132

Richard Bell

Richard Bell teaches Early American history at the University of Maryland. He has received several teaching prizes and major research fellowships including the National Endowment for the Humanities Public Scholar Award. His first book, We Shall Be No More: Suicide and Self-Government in the Newly United States, was published in 2012. He is also the author of Stolen: Five Free Boys Kidnapped into Slavery and Their Astonishing Odyssey Home.

Book preview

The Presence of Absence

THE PRESENCE OF ABSENCE

RICHARD BELL

Ginninderra Press

The Presence of Absence

ISBN 978 1 76109 413 2

Copyright © text Richard Bell 2022

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All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the copyright holder. Requests for permission should be sent to the publisher at the address below.

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First published 2022 by

Ginninderra Press

PO Box 3461 Port Adelaide 5015

www.ginninderrapress.com.au

CONTENTS

The Presence of Absence

Also by Richard Bell and published by Ginninderra Press

‘one’s not half two, it’s two are halves of one’

e.e. cummings

THE PRESENCE OF ABSENCE

Glenbrook Gorge

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Five decades have passed since

I sat alone on the flat rocks edging that gap,

and it is as real as this present grey Melbourne day.

The sun slides down to a peaceful west,

and the five-seventeen snakes along the blue-shaded wall below,

while unseen lizards are chased by an eager black dog

through the tufted grass, and the sandstone's warmth

seeps slowly into my shadowed legs – I feel it now.

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Across the gorge the ochre face of the southern wall

pushes another sunset into the curtain of anxiety

that even now, hangs before me as uncertain

as the creek waters below, breaking around rocks, now left, now right.

I throw a mental bridge across this moment, the gorge,

to the trees that fringe the clifftop of the other side.

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The unknown region there, as much past as future,

where I may find ‘that serene and blessed mood’

caught in the comforting Australian scent, that even here,

drifts across from eucalyptus trees – or fear,

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as when trapped in a fifties Saturday matinee

by a land of dinosaurs waiting to terrify this Ballarat boy,

alongside the persecuting giggles of a row of girls,

the presence of others unknown, that now looms

in my mind, and in the shadows of a deepening dusk.

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And perhaps a sudden love or loss –

as that girl, driving me across this gorge then,

and now, the death of this same woman,

driving me back again.

Seven Senryū

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19 December 2016

Such a strange feeling –

they will not be worn again,

these clothes being washed.

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20 December 2016

At the end, so sad –

death has drained the last blueness

from your open eyes.

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20 December 2016

Now here without you

I don’t know that I can eat

oysters any more.

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21 December 2016

Just drying my hands

on your towel: I am you now

and you can be me.

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25 December 2016

This quiet Christmas,

the old wreath on the front door

a different meaning.

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27 December 2016

Some