Shtetl Tales: Volume Four

By Eleanore Smith

This collection of stories takes place in the fictional shtetl of Patchentuch, located somewhere in the backwater of Eastern Poland in the late nineteenth century. The stories tell of the lighthearted adventures and misadventures of the town’s residents, and they transcend the grim reality of shtetl life to a more light hearted place. My hope is that the tales will provide the same pleasure for the reader that I derived from creating them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781665572804

Eleanore Smith

Eleanore E. Smith attended Simmons College, Boston University School of Education, and holds a Master’s Degree in Hebrew Literature from Hebrew College in Newton, Massachusetts. She was awarded the Dr. Moses J. Steiner Prize for Excellence in Hebrew Literature, the Louis Hillson Memorial Award for achievement in Jewish Education, and is recipient of the Keter Torah Award from The Boston Bureau of Jewish Education. She has been a Book Reviewer for over forty years and has visited Israel on fifteen different occasions. She is the author of Plastic Flowers and The Yard Sale Caper and Other Stories. Her writing has been serialized in The Jewish Advocate and featured in The Jewish Literary Journal as well as in literary publications such as Dogwood Tales Magazine, Poet’s Fantasy, Vox and, Phantasm. She lives in Massachusetts where she taught Hebrew and Judaic Studies for forty years. In 2018, she was the winner of an International Hebrew Fiction Writing Contest sponsored by the Government of Israel.

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Contents

Acknowledgements

Feival Introduces Himself

Melech Liebeherz and Franz Kafka

Motte Klotz Can’t Sleep

Faigele’s Sneezing Clinic

Oyzer’s Lament

Batya’s Mistakes

Betzalel’s Money

Farbisene’s Awakening

What’s In A Name?

The Flying Farshimmelts

Patchke Has The Plotz

Tradition

Yudel Holds A Grudge

A Carpet For The Shul

Shlumpa Needs Glasses

What Malkah Wants Malkah Gets

What Essa Heard

Moishe Retires. . . Again

Mud And Potholes

A Fork In the Road

Malkah Leah’s Unhappiness

Shia Bakes

Chochem Repeats

The Badchan Entertains

Moishke’s Dilemma

Gittel’s Plans

Feival Plotz Paints

The Prince Of Patchentuch

Rivka Wants To Work

Avram and Anshel Succeed

Chatchkel To The Rescue

Faigele And Her Daughters

Gornisht Helfen Returns

Fraidle Entertains

Gornisht Takes Over

Breindel Saves Time

Vov’s Son

Velvel Complains

Velvel Makes Cheese

Shprintze’s Dessert

The Battle Of The Beards

Zelig And The Ice

Patchka Plotz Picks Berries

Confusion In Patchentuch

Zelig’s Latest Adventure

Pinchas Plotz Makes Mischief

A Dybbuk’s Dilemna

A Honey Shortage

The Yentas Resolve

Tashlich

Acknowledgements

I wish to dedicate this collection to the memory of my parents (Bertha and Philip Kastel), to the memory of Dr. Sumner Smith, to Len Paris, my editor, to my children (Karen, David and Heidi) and their spouses, to my grandchildren and their spouses, and to my great grandchildren.

Feival Introduces Himself

As enthusiasm grew within the hearts and minds of Patchentuch’s fledgling Chalutzim (pioneers), the Hebrew greeting, Shalom Chaver (Hello, Friend) was heard with increasing frequency. Years earlier, when Gittel Schmaltz and Feival Lapidus were young, they dreamed of leaving Patchentuch for Palestine, where they had visions of working the land and preparing it for the Jews who would one day come.

In preparation, these two young people, along with others, undertook the study of the spoken language of modern Hebrew, and to this end they learned from those in Patchentuch who already knew how to speak the language. Biblical Hebrew they knew, but spoken modern Hebrew they were required to practice and learn.

For sometime Feival had admired Gittel from afar, but he had kept his feelings private for fear of being rejected by the independent young woman. He wasn’t even certain that she knew his name, as they had never been formally introduced. Eventually Feival summoned the courage to approach Gittel Schmaltz, but not in person. He would leave her a simple, handwritten note, and in this way attempt to make her acquaintance. After spending much time composing the note, he signed and sealed it in an envelope. So as not to startle or offend her, or to appear too forward and off-putting, and in an effort to keep his endeavor light hearted and well intentioned, Feival playfully signed his note, .L LAVIEF, in the right to left arrangement of the letters in the written Hebrew language. In this way Feival attempted to be amusing, but Gittel, upon receiving the note, was not amused at what appeared to her might be a prank. She was totally confused, for she had no idea who this .L LAVIEF was. Feival, on the other hand, waited after sending his letter of introduction, which had included the statement that he would soon introduce himself in person. Gittel, although thinking the whole thing peculiar, was intrigued, until Feival made his move, explaining what he had done.

So you are the mysterious person who signs his name backwards, she exclaimed, upon meeting Feival.

Yes, I am that person, he confessed, and they both laughed. Gittel found our Feival to be pleasant, clever, smart and funny, and in time, because of their shared interests, they became good friends

When the Rebbe was contacted, a shiddach was formally arranged. The pair eventually married and, soon thereafter, they left for Palestine. Gittel never tired of relating the story of how her husband had introduced himself by signing his name backward in a note, an idea she had always thought clever and endearing, and for many years thereafter, in the land of Israel, they both wrote their names, as well as everything else,backward, but in Hebrew, of course.

Melech Liebeherz

and Franz Kafka

Melech Liebeherz, (known only to himself as Rex Loveheart) Patchentuch’s unofficial detective, solver of problems and literary scholar, was as familiar with the sacred texts as he was with the profane, or secular texts. Patchentuch’s legendary poetess, the late Bluma Tova, had taught Melech a great deal, and in the town he was considered her disciple. Bluma had bequeathed to Melech most of her vast library, and Melech assiduously studied the books, including the literary works of the writer Franz Kafka which were a part of Bluma’s eclectic collection. Melech was fascinated by the writings of the Czech writer Franz Kafka, a Jew whose ideas would be considered confusing and foreign to the conservative and traditional shtetl residents. They combined realism with fantasy, wherein abstract ideas were transformed into living beings, a concept totally alien to those in the isolated shtetl, most of whom, by the way, had never heard of Franz Kafka, nor knew who he was or what he did.

The lives of the Jews of Patchentuch were simple and uncomplicated, and these lives were circumscribed by Torah study, tradition, ritual and moral obligation; that is what what they understood. When word got out that their own Melech Liebeherz had become a renegade in his thinking, people became concerned. What about tradition and moral obligation? If the young people fell under the influence of a free-thinker, it might portend the end of morality as they had known and understood it. For the most part, the residents of Patchentuch had always felt relatively safe and comfortable in their isolation, and they worried that new and dangerous ideas could possibly enter the minds of the young people, ideas which would surely corrupt them.

Oy, muttered the elders, what might Melech teach our young people, and what will happen if they listen and learn from him? Slowly, concern spread that the traditional way of life in their shtetl was about to be threatened, and when existential issues such as these arose, it was to their Mayor and their Rebbe to whom the people turned.

Before approaching the Rebbe, a delegation was first dispatched to consult Mayor Moishe Kapoyer.

Oy, Moishe, the delegation, headed by Schmendric Teitlebaum complained, our way of life here in Patchentuch is being threatened.

By what are we being threatened? inquired the Mayor.

We are being threatened by Kafka, Schmendric replied.

And so who is this Kafka who threatens us?

His name is Franz Kafka, a crazy writer whose ideas are a threat to our traditional way of life.

How so? asked a curious Mayor, and in what way does he present a threat?

From what I have heard, continued Schmendric, in his writings, which are most confusing to ordinary people, he mixes up the real world with the unreal. It is almost like witchcraft. He confuses peoples’ minds so that they no longer recognize what is real and what is not, what is right and what is wrong. As a result people become confused. They begin to question time honored values and traditions, which could well lead to heresy, and so that is why we are troubled.

Have you, yourself, personally read this confusing material? the Mayor asked.

Yes, I have, Schmendric replied.

And?

And black is white and white is black, and it is all a muddle.

And so why is this bad?

It is bad because the reader no longer knows what to think or to believe because his moral compass has been swept from under him. He has become confused, because what he has traditionally believed to be true is no longer correct.

I suppose this could be a real problem, offered the Mayor.

Yes, it could.

Some people might not know what to think, and their minds might become a terrible muddle, said the now agitated Mayor.

Yes, a terrible muddle, agreed Schmendric, and when the delegation left, the Mayor immediately went to consult Rebbe Benny Rachmanes.

Oy, Rebbe, Moishe said to the Rebbe, we could have a problem.

Yes, Moishe, and what is the problem that we could have?

I am afraid, Moishe confessed, that Kafka may be clouding our minds.

Kafka, you say?

Yes, Kafka, Franz Kafka, the crazy Czech writer, and he went on to explain that if people, especially impressionable young people, fell under the influence of his confusing writings, they might begin to doubt the validity of their long held traditions, convictions and values. The differences between right and wrong might become blurred, and who knew what that might lead to. Rebbe Benny was familiar with the writings of this crazy author", and so he paused to consider the potential impact of what he had just been told.

Furthermore, added the distraught Mayor, should people be allowed to read the work of a controversial author whose ideas make no sense? and after carefully considering what to say, Rebbe Benny spoke.

You know, my dear Moishe, as they mature it is important for people, especially for young people to consider many ideas, and even to be exposed to ideas that might at first glance appear foreign.

Why? Moishe persisted.

Because they will learn to think and to analyze, and to consider all ideas and points of view, and in this way they will grow intellectually. It is important, and it is healthy.

Although