From Jackass to Joy: Discovering the Art and Science of Love, Marriage, and Blending Family

By Nick Ryan

What do we really know as young marrieds? When Nick Ryan married Linda, his high school sweetheart, they were just beginning to make their way in the world. Add to the mix vastly different families of origin, fundamentally different personalities, and ill-formed visions of the life they each desired…what could go wrong?

This book shares Nick's journey through discovering what he calls the art and science of love, marriage, and blending family. His stories may make you laugh, they may make you cry, you may see yourself and the ones you love in them. In the end, Nick lays out the path he took to:

• Understand and own the mistakes he made
• Realize the importance of patience to start fresh again… and again
• Learn to communicate clearly in relationships
• Develop trust and respect for people who truly matter
• Understand and honor compatibility
• Create an individual, mutual, and family vision

These are the deep realizations and specific actions Nick took that brought his life from a place of loss and despair to one of great love, a warm and devoted blended family, and abundance that most of us only dream about.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Casa Bella Publishing, LLC
• Release date: Oct 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986220727

Book preview

Advance Praise for From Jackass to Joy

Author Nick Ryan has been a good friend to me for over 30 years. During those three decades, I’ve known him to be a person who passionately loves people, values building relationships, and is committed to reconciling when either party has got it wrong. In this insightful book Nick takes us on a journey and teaches us some lessons that have come naturally to him, and others he has learned the hard way. Read this book and you will discover faith, love, reconciliation, and how to live the life you’ve always wanted.

—Dave Ferguson, Lead Pastor, Community Christian Church

and author of Hero Maker: Five Essential Practices for Leaders to Multiply Leaders

"From Jackass to Joy is a candid, unfiltered look into a man’s journey for love, success, and relevance across decades of relationships in different applications of work, home, and community. I have spent two and a half decades helping people build quality relationships through the power of genuine community, and can say without question that Nick shares his mistakes, success, and wisdom in candid, straightforward ways. For those who wish to have an abundant life, seek to build resilience in their relationships, and want to mix fun into everything they do, this is the book to read."

—Michael Vickery, Executive Director, Institute for Community

at HighPoint, National Institute for Community

Every so often in life we are incredibly blessed to meet an extraordinary person who helps to positively change lives in many ways and on numerous fronts. Nick Ryan is truly such a person! It seems unheard of that a man is introduced to his second wife by his first wife, and that the first wife and her new husband remain his close friends, and that all the children develop lasting friendships with each other and with extended family members. Nick has experienced this and more. This insightful book unlocks the secrets and strategies Nick has developed and honed over his lifetime and is a must-read for anyone who wants to develop positive relationships in love, family, business, and life.

—Richard Harb, Educator and Past President

of the Chicago Apartment Association

This book is an excellent resource for those who desire to have extraordinary relationships in all areas of their life.

—Cheri Tree, CEO & Founder, Codebreaker Technologies

I’ve known Nick for almost 30 years and have watched him navigate all the challenges of blending all the people in his family and his life. This book is very helpful for anyone who desires to have extraordinary relationships in their lives and is willing to put in the work. Above all, I know Nick is truly great at relationship building. He brings out love everywhere he goes!

—Mike Loewer, Real Estate Broker and author of Change Your Mind, Change Your Life: A Guidebook to Self-Empowerment

"As I said in Hero, Rhonda Byrnes’ follow up to The Secret, the absolute frustration of humankind is the question, ‘What do I do with my life?’ I highly recommend From Jackass to Joy for people whose priority in life is living it fully, while sweetly embracing the many dimensions of relationships. I believe that the most profound part of existence is loving and integrating with others openly and without prejudice. Nick’s life and this book prove that and provide a brilliant recipe for divine relationship and family success."

—Peter Foyo, Entrepreneur, Visionary, Philanthropist,

and CEO of Principal Standard Group

The perfect roadmap for everyone who’s ever been a jackass who needs to find and inspire joy and love within themselves and their families. A fun, loving, and inspirational Manifesto from a man who carved a path to an exceptional hybrid family…but more importantly, a man who has created a priceless trail for others to emulate.

—Dr. David C. Smith, DC, Founder of ChiroSystems

NICK RYAN

Copyright © 2022, Nick Ryan

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical (including any information storage retrieval system) without the express written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations for use in articles and reviews wherein appropriate attribution of the source is made.

Publishing support provided by

Ignite Press

5070 N. Sixth St. #189

Fresno, CA 93710

www.IgnitePress.us

ISBN: 979-8-9862207-0-3

ISBN: 979-8-9862207-1-0 (Hardcover)

ISBN: 979-8-9862207-2-7 (E-book)

For bulk purchase and for booking, contact:

Nick Ryan

[e-mail]

JackasstoJoyBook.com

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, web addresses or links contained in this book may have been changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The content of this book and all expressed opinions are those of the author and do not reflect the publisher or the publishing team. The author is solely responsible for all content included herein.

All Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible,

New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022905932

Cover design by Anis El Idrissi

Edited by Charlie Wormhoudt

Interior design by Jetlaunch

FIRST EDITION

Much of what I learned about building quality relationships,

I learned from my parents, Bob and Grace Ryan, to whom I dedicate this book. Thank you Mom and Dad, for leading by example how to live life fully in generous celebration with others.

Acknowledgments

How do you truly thank all of the people who have helped you in your journey of life? Well, it seems appropriate to start out by thanking our creator for allowing us to live on this awesome planet. After that, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, and cousins all for being part of a large and fun-loving, predominantly Irish family. Living in Chicago with its Midwest values and friendly mindset has been extraordinarily impactful on my life. My folks, Bob and Gracie, were relationship people and always surrounded us in a circle of family, neighbors, and friends celebrating life whenever possible.

I thank my first wife, Linda, for giving me three wonderful children and helping me grow up.

I thank my wife, Teresa, for being my soulmate and for bringing two more lovely children to us, to round out our immediate family of seven. She is forever trying something new, and has enrolled me in numerous conferences and seminars, mostly having some sort of personal development component. Teresa has helped me develop into the person that I was meant to become.

I thank my extraordinary children who have all turned out to be very special people. Thank you to Jeremy, Jayla, Trevor, Natalie, and Tara, as well as their spouses, for bringing 11 healthy, smart, and feisty grandchildren into our lives. Not all of their marriages and relationships have lasted; however, they each have done their best. Our children-in-law, Bret and Cassidy, have figured out how to live with and add value to this crazy family and for that, I am truly thankful.

I am blessed to have a great group of neighbors, friends, business partners, and community to share my life with. Many have contributed to the quality of my life in a variety of ways. The Three Daves have been a major part of my life for the past 30 years—Dr. Dave, Pastor Dave, and Chef Dave. I think Dr. Seuss wrote a book about too many Daves. However, in my case, there are not too many. Mikes have also been a major part of my life, including my brother-in-law Mike, and Mike Vickery, the director of the National Institute for Community. Add to them friends and inspiring mentors Peter Foyo and neighbor Jim, and I am one lucky guy!

My business partners, Bruno and Rick, and now Darren, Trevor and Jim all have had a huge impact on my development and success, and I thank each of them for it. Our company team, the Marquette Companies, is a very special group, and I thank God every day to be a part of it.

Relative to my growth as a difference maker in our community and specifically regarding this book, I cannot thank Deborah Newman enough. A writer and public relations professional, she has spent countless hours interviewing me, helping bring the memories back to life, writing, and organizing this into what I believe will be a very helpful tool for a lot of people as they work to build quality and fulfilling relationships with their families, work groups, friends, and communities. Deb is a very committed, patient, smart, and dedicated person and deserves much of the credit for this book.

I also want to thank my daughter, Jayla, who spent a considerable amount of time editing this book and coaching me and was gracious enough to write the foreword. Jayla is an accomplished writer, editor, and CEO of a not-for-profit, Water Education Colorado.

Cindy Tschosik, the CEO of SoConnected Writers, and my book coach has been instrumental in helping us structure this book into a very useful resource for people and for helping us spread the good word throughout the universe. I appreciate all that she has done for it to find its way into your hands.

Table of Contents

Preface: Why Art, Science, and a Donkey?

Foreword

Introduction

Part 1: Married Life

Chapter 1: First Love

Chapter 2: Opposites Attract

Chapter 3: Phoenix Rising

Reflections on Relationships

Part 2: Second Chances

Chapter 4: Who Am I?

Chapter 5: Learning to Love Again

Chapter 6: A Fine Romance

Reflections on Second Chances

Part 3: A New Beginning

Chapter 7: The Proposal

Chapter 8: The Wedding

Chapter 9: Our First Crisis

Reflections on New Beginnings

Part 4: The Blending Begins

Chapter 10: Hers, Mine, and Ultimately Ours

Chapter 11: It’s Not All About the Kids

Reflections on Blending Family

Part 5: The Five-Step Formula to Blending Family and Living in Joy

Step 1: Reflect—Get to Know You!

Step 2: Know Your WHY and Craft your Vision

Step 3: Design a Plan

Step 4: Set the Rules to Live By

Step 5: The Great Payoff—Living the Life That You Love

Epilogue

Postscript

Recommended Resources

About the Author

Preface: Why Art, Science, and a Donkey?

Science is defined in Webster’s Dictionary as, A brand of knowledge or study dealing with a body of facts or truths systematically arranged and showing the operation of general laws. Or, The intellectual and practical activity encompassing the systematic study of the structure of the physical and natural world through observation and experiment.¹ So, if you know the rules or laws and experiment a bit with the right ingredients, you will get the results that you want.

Art, on the other hand, is something that is created with creativity and imagination. It can be much more personally appealing to your emotions and can bring tears to your eyes with no chemical experiments needed!

I am aware that my wife Teresa responds to what are often referred to as love languages as explained in Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.² Chapman offers that there are five ways to show love in a way that our loved one appreciates it. Teresa’s love languages include Acts of Service and Gifts. If I take her car to the car wash and get it all spiffed up for her, she is happy. The science of this is that due to observation, I know she appreciates this act of service. But if I take it to the car wash, bring it home, and get creative (the art), I leave a little love note on the front seat saying how much I love her…that takes her happiness to another level. I know she also loves to get flowers, and I love to give them. If I send her a nice bouquet with a note that I love her, she smiles and hugs me. However, if I send her two dozen of her favorite peach roses with an artful note that says that kissing her lips is sweeter than eating a ripe summer peach, who knows what might happen!

When it comes to building deeper and longer-lasting relationships, there are two steps to becoming masterful at mixing arts and sciences to more closely connect.

The first is to know as much as possible about the person you care about.

The second is to know how to have the maximum impact on their emotions.

When my daughters were in high school, I thought that it would be special and fun to take each of them shopping for their prom dresses, followed by a father-daughter date night. When Jayla was a junior in high school, she was asked to prom, so I took her to the cool store at the mall that had a wide selection of prom dresses. Jayla likes to shop! Within ten minutes of getting to the store, Jayla had tried on a dress that she really liked, and I agreed that it looked great on her. I said, Nice! Let’s get it and go to a nice dinner.

Jayla responded, Dad, we can’t buy the first dress that I like. We need to look around. This was at about 6:15 p.m. After traveling around the mall for miles and trying on a whole lot of dresses, we ended up back at the first store around 9:15 p.m., bought the first dress that she liked, and got out of there just as the place was closing. By then all of the nice restaurants were closed, so we had a light dinner and a piece of pie at a casual diner-type place. It was great!

My younger daughter, Tara, is not much into shopping. Four years later, when it was her turn, we went to the same store at the mall. Tara asked, Dad, what color do you think will look good on me?

I said, How about red or black to go with your beautiful dark hair? Within ten minutes, we were leaving with a dress in hand and heading out for a nice dinner. I think we even went bowling afterwards and made it home before 10 p.m.! It was also great!

In each instance, we accomplished what we set out to do, while having a very different artful experience, which we still talk about to this day. In this book, you’ll find three areas to guide you through Blending Your Family. The first will be the narrative of my family stories and the mistakes I’ve made, the lessons I’ve learned, and my achievements. The second