A Veil Over My Heart: From Abandonment to Forging My Own Path

By Safia Currie

What would you do if forsaken by your father?

 

Juliette is born to a French Christian mother and an Algerian Muslim father in the middle of the Paris riots in 1968. Her childhood is spent between the easy flow of her daily life in Algiers and her summers in the wine country region of Bordeaux. A sudden uprooting of her family to Belgium is followed by adultery and deception, leading to a divorce. Feeling utterly rejected, neither French enough nor Algerian enough, with her home torn from her, Juliette seeks her own way in the world. Her heart settles on moving to America.

 

Juliette quickly learns that forging a new life in America is not easy. Reality sets in when, in order to survive, she accepts a job that she believes is beneath her. She can either wallow in self-pity or pull herself together and start moving forward. Juliette has never been one to wallow. One thing is clear in her mind: She will not repeat the lives of hardship that both her mother and grandmother faced. Juliette is determined to learn from their lives and uncover their secrets, clinging to her own piece of freedom in the process.

 

A Veil Over My Heart reads like a page-turning novel, as Safia Currie brilliantly tells her story through the character of Juliette. It is a raw, poignant memoir about courage, determination, and survival in the face of being abandoned by one's father and the importance of belonging.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jade Lake Publishing
• Release date: Sep 27, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986163703

Book preview

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A VEIL OVER MY HEART

from ABANDONMENT to FORGING MY OWN PATH

SAFIA CURRIE

Jade Lake Publishing

Author’s Note: This is my story and is conveyed through the character of Juliette. The events described herein represent my recollections as I experienced them and are portrayed to the best of my memory. Time has been compressed, and some events have been reordered to serve the story. Dialog has been approximated. Most names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect them from recognition. The character of Eric is a composite. The events prior to my early childhood are imaginative re-creations. The use of business names and products in this book is intended to be factual and not to disparage any company or its products or services.

Copyright © 2022 by Safia Currie

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except for the use of quotations in a book review.

Published by Jade Lake Publishing, an imprint of Jade Lake Publishing, LLC.

www.jadelakepublishing.com

Book Cover Design by ebooklaunch.com

ISBN Paperback: 979-8-9861637-1-0

ISBN eBook: 979-8-9861637-0-3

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Yogi, Maman, Djamel, Karima, and Assia.

It came in a dream.

It takes the same amount of time to be happy as it does to be unhappy. Now it’s your choice.

—Gordon Gray Currie

Contents

1. Shock and Fear

2. 1940s France

3. Young Jacqueline

4. The Face of Racism

5. Algiers

6. Bordeaux

7. Sandrine

8. Paris

9. Some Kind of Fibroid

10. Juliette

11. Return to Algeria

12. Christine

13. The Rumble in the Jungle

14. Adultery

15. Uprooted

16. Brussels

17. School

18. Abandoned

19. Forsaken

20. Depression

21. The Franciscans

22. The Auction

23. Baptism

24. The American Dream

25. Coming to America

26. American Religion and Politics

27. War Bride

28. Chicago

29. Make a Plan

30. Have no Fear

31. The Walkers

32. The Last Twenty Dollars

33. Housekeeping

34. Josephine

35. Open Your Heart

36. Dia

37. Francesca

38. Immigration

39. The Party

40. The Divorce

41. Escape to India

42. 9/11

43. Trauma’s Truth

44. A Leap of Faith

45. Clarke

46. Pastry School

47. Canada

48. The Pancake Proposal

49. DNA Test

50. The Veil is Lifted

Acknowledgments

About the Author

1

Shock and Fear

December 7, 2003. On a cold afternoon, Juliette was standing in front of the Sears Tower in Chicago, holding a cardboard box of her personal items. She had just lost her job. She loved her job. It felt surreal, as if everything the head of human resources had said to her did not happen. It was like watching a movie in slow motion, yet she was the main character.

Not now, not today. This could not happen. After saving every penny for the past ten years, she had just bought her first condo. What just happened? Was it real? She had just been fired… It was real, and she felt numb! As the wind blew in her hair, she could hear every word that had led to her dismissal. Like a whisper, she heard them, over and over until, in the middle of the chaos and city noise, everything stopped—complete silence.

There she was, crossing the street, just by habit, unaware of the cars driving around her to avoid hitting her. She could not hear the cab driver yelling at her until his taxi almost hit her. She came back to her senses with the screeching sound of his brakes. Her heart felt tight, and she could see the sidewalk getting closer but had no strength to catch her fall. Her legs felt like jello, yet, her mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She slowly stood up and dusted off her white coat.

Finally, she reached the CTA station on Jackson Boulevard and State Street and entered the subway to catch the red line home. Settling into her seat opposite an older Black woman, Juliette replayed the scene in her mind, no longer able to contain her composure. With tears flowing down both cheeks, it was apparent that she was losing it.

She could feel everyone’s eyes and ears turned toward her as she tried to hide her face. She desperately looked for something to wipe her nose, her hands reaching inside her purse, but nothing! Not even a spare napkin from her morning’s latte. At that moment, the lady across from her leaned forward and handed her a tissue. Juliette smiled and quietly thanked her. She took a deep breath, lifted her head, and started counting how many stops until Clark and Division. She heard the conductor loudly announcing the next stop, Chicago. One more, and she would be home.

The train slowed down, and right before it stopped, the older lady approached Juliette and, with the most compassionate voice, said, What you are experiencing is called The Divine Order. Now open your heart to it. She then stepped out, and the doors closed behind her.

Upon arriving home, reality set in. Juliette dropped her box, took her coat, gloves, and beret off, and hung up her purse. Now sitting down, she took her boots off and looked around in silence. Her heart racing, Juliette realized she might lose her condo without a regular income. That sense of freedom she’d felt by having a place to call her own was now at risk of being taken away. With her brain going into overdrive, as fast as she could, she reached for her address book and started calling everyone she knew and leaving messages, letting them know she was now urgently looking for work—any kind. No job would be too small or too big for her.

After a couple of hours, she left the last message and noticed the sun was setting and the room was getting dark. Exhausted, she walked to the bathroom and ran herself a hot bath. As she walked toward her bedroom to get a pair of pajamas from the closet, she caught her reflection in the hallway mirror. For a split second, she looked like her mother. She took a second look and, once again, as if transformed, her image clearly looked like her mother. She closed her eyes and turned away from the mirror.

Now, laying in the soapy water with her eyes closed, the lavender scent helped soothe her headache. Thinking aloud, she said, I cannot lose my condo. I just cannot. I have been doing everything possible to never depend on others to survive. These walls around me are my walls. Here and now, this place keeps me safe from that fate.

With the image of her mother’s reflection still on her mind, she wondered if all the hardship her mother and grandmother had faced meant she had the same destiny. She didn’t want to emulate their lives, so she needed to discover their unspoken secrets.

She began to recollect much of their story...

2

1940s France

Jacqueline Claire Marie was born on January 24, 1944, in Ambares-et-Lagrave, a little town in the Gironde department in the Aquitaine region of southwestern France. Her father, Andre, was an electrician, and her mother, Henriette, was a dedicated housewife. Living under German occupation, they struggled with feeding their family, getting by with ration tickets as well as they could. It was a time of trust and mistrust. The Gestapo had taken over Le Chateau and Domaine Peychaud and made it the Nazi Third Reich headquarters. From 1940 to 1944, in the Nazi Camp de Souge in Gironde, more than 250 French patriots and members of the French Resistance were executed. There was nowhere to turn for support, as everyone was considered either a collaborator or a member of the Gestapo. But, as luck would have it, Henriette’s first cousin Marguerite was working at the chateau when the Germans requisitioned it.

Marguerite was tall, had long dark hair, porcelain skin, and beautiful piercing green eyes. She was a chef and a Cordon Bleu graduate and managed her kitchen with an iron fist. She also handled the German’s demands with the utmost grace. Once a month, she would manipulate her way out of the chateau, with one suitcase in each hand, and drive away in her car, a Citroën Traction Avant. As Jacqueline’s godmother, there was no way anyone around her was going hungry. Arriving at Andre and Henriette’s humble home, she would wake up all the kids and open the suitcases. There were loaves of bread, brioches, cannelés, foie gras, pâtés, and other wonderful goods she had prepared with love and care. She would visit so often that the Germans became suspicious, and, one day, she stopped coming. This was the reality of war. Everyone knew of someone who had fallen victim to the Nazi regime.

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Finally, on August 25, 1944, seven weeks after the Normandy landing on D-Day, Paris was liberated by the Allied Forces. Even with the victory speech and patriotic boost of Charles De Gaulle, the French people knew that liberation was made possible by the Allied invasion of Normandy. A new chapter of the war started, with many organizations and individuals taking it upon themselves to find and pursue Nazis and Nazi collaborators, which led to the Nuremberg Trials.

Post-war, France faced a weak economy and deep anti-colonial sentiment. The time was coming to grant the French colonies their independence. But some would continue fighting for a long time to maintain the French empire.

3

Young Jacqueline

Jacqueline grew up wishing to travel to faraway places. She often dreamed of visiting Asia, Africa, or anywhere that seemed intriguing and exotic. Being the youngest girl in her house, surrounded by her five brothers and older sister, she often found refuge next door with the Spanish neighbors. When Jacqueline was thirteen, her beautiful sister Anne-Marie, twelve years her elder, married James, a handsome American G.I., and moved to the United States of America.

She would pray and hope that someday, she would leave France and join her sister in that vast country about which Anne-Marie so often wrote. As Jacqueline got older, her style and sense of self became more and more refined. Her long blond hair and beautiful blue eyes were attracting a lot of suitors, none of whom could change her mind about moving far away from Bordeaux. First, she intended to visit her brother in Paris and take some time to plan her future.

One sultry summer evening, before heading off to Paris, her best friend Ginette took her dancing at the celebrated firefighters’ ball. They were both excellent dancers and won many contests. So why not one more time before heading off to Paris? As they arrived, one handsome man captured her attention. She felt hypnotized by his dark eyes and tall stature. He approached her and introduced himself.

My name is Amir. Would you like to dance?

She felt mesmerized by his tone of voice, strong but gentle. She barely answered before they were dancing the night away. Amir was Algerian. He had come to study engineering at École des Ponts et Chaussées and was visiting his best friend in Bordeaux before returning to university in Paris. As night turned into day, she could feel the sun rising and the air getting warmer. What a night, she thought.

Amir and Jacqueline had spent the whole night dancing and talking. He seemed like such a wonderful man, but no one was changing her plans to go to Paris and start her new life. Besides, they would keep in touch. He was returning to school, and they will have a chance to see each other in Paris.

They met one more time for a drink before her departure. For some reason, she felt under some kind of spell with Amir. Her reasoning was off. Is that what is called infatuation? she thought.

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Two days later, Jacqueline caught the train at La Gorp on her way to Paris. She arrived at La Gare d’Austerlitz and stepped off the train to see the friendliest face she had seen in hours. Her brother Daniel was waiting for her. Finally, his little sister was here. He could no longer hold back his joy as they embraced for what seemed to be an eternity to Jacqueline. Daniel had been working hard in Paris and had not had a chance to go back and visit the family for more than a year. The sight of a family member coming to live in Paris was almost too overwhelming. However, he regained his composure, gave Jacqueline a big kiss, and took her suitcase out of her hands.

With the biggest grin on his face, he turned to her and said, Welcome to the best city in the world. Where all your dreams will come true, little sis.

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The year 1962 was when Jacqueline turned eighteen. How lucky she was to be living in her brother’s apartment, situated on the left bank of the Seine in the Quartier Latin. On her first weekend in the City of Lights, Daniel took Jacqueline to a gathering with a few of his friends. She joined her brother and others without questioning the destination, and much to her surprise, she ended up marching on the Champs-Élysées for Algeria’s independence.

Algeria had been under the rule of the French empire as a colony since 1830. The Algerian war of independence was started in 1954 by members of the Front De Liberation National. In July 1962, after a referendum, Algeria finally achieved independence, and Jacqueline was at the heart of the action.

Today is going to be epic, Daniel said as he smiled and held her close.

Open your eyes. This is history at its purest form, she thought to herself.

They walked for what seemed to be forever, and suddenly the bells of the Notre Dame De La Consolation church started to ring louder and louder. A sense of euphoria filled the air and everyone in the streets, young and old, started embracing and kissing and crying. It happened! This was the day! July 5, 1962—after 132 years, Algeria had finally won its independence.

With tears in her eyes, Jacqueline turned to Daniel, but he was nowhere to be found. She frantically tried to find him in this sea of people. As she desperately looked for him, she felt a large, gentle hand on her shoulder. It was Amir.

If this is not destiny, I don’t know what it is, he said with a smile and raised eyebrows.

She smiled and hugged him, but he could not let go. She felt engulfed by his spicy cologne and gentle touch. They stayed there for a while, listening to each other’s breath.

Jacqueline, Jacqueline, shouted Daniel from the Place de La Concorde across the street. There you are.

Why did you leave me alone? Jacqueline shouted back. You know how I feel about that.

Who is your friend? Daniel asked as he approached, giving Amir an inquisitive look.

Oh, sorry, Jacqueline replied. She then turned to Amir and said, Meet my brother, Daniel. The two shook hands.

We need to go. We’ve been invited to join Khaled and his friends for some couscous to celebrate the Independence, Daniel said. You are most welcome to join us, he added, looking at Amir. We just need to hurry up and catch the Métro.

After a 10-minute ride on the Métro, they got off at Denfert-Rochereau and headed to Rue Daguerre. It was the biggest block party they could have ever imagined. Khaled’s uncle owned a well-known restaurant and venerable shrine to couscous called La Grande Kabylie. When they entered, it was packed.

The night was still young and full of promises.

4

The Face of Racism

It was a crucial time for the Maghreb population living in France. Was it time for some to go back to Algeria and support a fragile new government or stay and continue living in a country that never accepted them?

Jacqueline and Amir’s relationship continued to grow over the following weeks. They spent much of their time exploring different neighborhoods in Paris. One afternoon, while waiting for the next train, Jacqueline and Amir were detained by two police officers requesting their IDs. As the tension rose, they insulted Jacqueline for loving this dirty Arab and then beat Amir until he lost consciousness. The Métro station was full of people, but no one came to their aid. Xenophobia and racism were now the norms.

Jacqueline reached for Amir, as he could barely stand up. His eyes were swelling up and turning a dark shade of black and blue, and he had a laceration over his left eyebrow. He smiled back at her and whispered, Don’t worry, Jackie. No one will take me away from you.

She cried and kissed him. While helping him up, she put her hand on the back of his head and felt blood gushing out. She screamed for help, and finally, a bystander helped them walk out of the Métro station to the closest hospital. Upon arrival, the doctor asked how this had happened. After they described the incident, he suggested calling the police and filing a complaint.

Who are they going to believe? An Arab student who claims he was beaten up by police officers or their colleagues? Amir replied.

An awkward silence filled the room as Dr. Katz attended to Amir. When finished, he turned to Jacqueline and handed her a small paper bag filled with cotton balls, bandages, and a bottle of mercurochrome and said, You need to change and clean the wounds every day. It is all here. Just take care of him.

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Soon after, Amir graduated with an engineering degree. His mind was set—he wanted to go back and live his life in Algeria. The recent event made his decision quite easy. Amir patiently waited for Jacqueline’s bus while sitting at Le Cafe du Coin in the 18th Arrondissement. As she stepped out, he waved at her. She was wearing a light baby blue twin set sweater with pearl buttons and a dark blue midi skirt, her long light brown coat brushing the front of her shoes. Her blond hair was brushed back and