Never a Father

By Shawn Quibell

Days Since 9 years 0 months
It has been nine years since I lost you. I cannot believe it has been that long already. I have had two private investigators looking for you and your sister. Every time they find your mother, Mirna, and try to serve her, she disappears again. She packs all of you up and moves you. The last time we tracked you, girls, to

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shawn Quibell
• Release date: Aug 31, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986878119

Book preview

One

Chapter 1

It is cold today. I can feel it through the glass. The window has been scarred from frost left by the war of heat and cold clashing at the door. Looking through the window, I can see the sky and the ominous weather it brings. The clouds are a dark grey, turning and riding low, carrying the inevitable snowfall that I am sure is moving into the area. The snow is a pleasant welcome. However, it does not ease my nerves as more and more guests file into the house. Most of all, the anxiety that comes with the two special guests that have been expected. Their presence brings excitement and turmoil to me beyond anything I have experienced in my life. I have been pacing back and forth between our guests and the front door since we expected our friends and family. I feel a nudge on the back of my leg. 

Hi, girl. I bend down and pet my dog. She is always so grateful to see me. Bones is wagging her tail and rubbing herself on me like she always does. Bones is an American bulldog that has been through the most challenging times with me. We have a special bond due to the challenges of our past. Bones has sometimes been skittish, but one of my most loyal dogs. She has short white hair with brindle spots and a black spot covering one of her ears, and on the other side of her face, a black area covers her eye. Her beautiful spotting is what drew me to adopt her. She was just a tiny little pup, but I was about to enter a significant surgery and wanted to have company. She was to be my support dog, but I treated her more like a family member, and now she has the best life ever. 

With Bones close by my side, this can only mean my other dog, Bella, cannot be far behind. Bella comes around the corner doing the hippity-hop walk she does when she is happy to see someone. She is a Staffordshire Terrier and a pit bull mix. Bella is a beautiful light grey color, with a lion’s mane and a white patch on her chest that wraps around her neck. Because she is not purebred, she has longer hair than most Pitbull’s that flows as she runs. 

My son, Anthony, follows right behind her with a sense of urgency. Anthony, what is wrong? I ask as he gets closer.

Who’s here, girls? he whispers to the dogs as he pets them. Then, he walks by the dogs and me to get to the door. He stands at the door for a second, and I can tell he is mentally preparing himself for the new guests that are about to arrive.

Dad, it is such a beautiful evening. Anthony says almost under his breath. He looks out the window at the two young women walking up the driveway. It has already begun to snow, leaving just enough snow to cover any remnants of the fall. The women walk up the driveway, leaving the first footprints in a clean slate that winter can bring.

I am glad so many people were able to show up for the funeral. I did not think that so many family and friends would be able to make it on short notice. I know this is not the best scenario for them to make their first appearance, but it is great that they are here. I know I have waited for this for such a long time, but still … says Anthony, only audible to himself. I look around with Anthony. The house is full of family members, some of whose names I do not even know. There were friends there that I hadn’t seen in years. 

You’re right. The weather is perfect. I couldn’t have asked for a better day. I am so nervous, I say. I am standing behind him, looking over his shoulder at the two women walking up the driveway.

I look at my son Antonio. He is twenty-three and graduated college a few years ago. He is about the same height as me and resembles me in almost every way. Tall, dirty blonde hair, brown eyes, and has filled into his adult body. He is wearing a black suit that we had purchased for his college graduation. The tie he was wearing was one of mine that I gave him at his high school graduation. I am incredibly proud of him, and I have always bragged to whoever would listen about my son’s accomplishments. Tony, something I call him for short, runs his own business in the city and lives in the suburbs with his wife and son. But, the one thing that made me the proudest was how great a father he was to his own son. 

Now remember buddy, I doubt they will want to talk to me. I have not seen them since they were young women. If they don’t want to talk to me, just hand them the book and let them read it. It is basically a diary of every day that I didn’t have them, and how I missed them. 

His son sighs and looks down at the journal he is holding. He looks back at the women walking, I do not know how I am going to be able to do this. Again, almost seemingly talking to himself. 

Like everything else, son, I believe in you. So, I will be right here by your side. Then it will be a waiting game for them to let me know. I have no idea what they will think of me or what they have been told about me. 

Tony opens the front door and steps out. He quickly commands the dogs to stay back and then greets the two women. I pet the dogs and also tell them to stay inside. I then follow behind him. 

Hi, I am Tony, your brother, but you knew that already as we have talked before, but we met before, but it was long ago, and I have changed. You know your dad, he wanted to make you feel comfortable in his house. You are welcome inside. Be aware there are a lot of people inside. If you want, we can find a place to talk. Our father understands that you don’t know much about his past, and what you may know about our father may not all be true. So, he wanted you guys to be able to read this. I am sorry that I am coming out at you right away with all this, but I figured you would want to know as soon as possible.

           It’s nice to meet you again, thank you. Yes, we would like to find somewhere quiet. We didn’t realize we would be walking into a parade of people. Both women make eye contact with my son and stay focused on him, never glancing at me. 

It is incredible how much they have grown, and the women they have grown into. My oldest daughter, Paula, has my eyes and unfortunately, my nose. She is slightly taller than her sister. She has lighter hair color, not a dirty blonde but still brown. She is slender and dressed in jeans, with a shirt that is not appropriate for the weather. Neither of them has a jacket that is appropriate for the weather here. Her sister; my youngest, Sandy, looks similar to Paula, with darker hair; definitely black. I do not see any physical features that resemble myself. She also has a petite figure; wearing a skirt, and heels. She is entirely out of her element. As my son walks to the house; the two women follow, neither acknowledging that I am there. This saddens me greatly, but I have to be patient and understanding.

Before I can walk in, I am grabbed from behind. It is so familiar with the way I was gripped. The double-handed grasp on both shoulders with the slight massage. I turn around to see my old friend D.W. It has been so long since I have seen him. Man, it is great to see you. I am so glad you could make it. We give a quick handshake followed by a bear hug. He is shorter than me, and I raise him up a little.

        It is really good to see you, my friend. It has been a long time. We have a lot of catching up to do. But I could never miss this.

        Yes, it has been too long. So long, in fact, I can’t even remember why it has been so long. But it doesn’t even matter, I am so glad to see you. Did you see my daughters? They were just walking ahead of me.

        Is that who those beautiful women were? D.W. says, trying to get another look.

Do not get any ideas there bud, I really like you, but I don’t like you that much. We both let out a laugh as we walked into the house.   

* * * * *

I understand. Let me know what you want to eat or drink, and we will have it brought to you. Anthony opens the front door and leads them straight through a foyer and up the stairs into a bedroom. It is a spare bedroom that has been made up for them. It is obvious another bed was brought in to accommodate them.

        It makes the room a bit smaller, but oddly enough, it looks like the room always had two beds in it. Paula takes the diary given to her and puts it on the desk against the wall between the two beds. Sandy takes her bags and sits them on the bed. She turns to her sister and says, What kind of circus did we walk into?

        I know this is hard for you, especially under the circumstances. Let us see what is going on and go from there. It can’t hurt. She walks over to her and gives her a hug.

        Sandy hugs her back and nods her head in agreement. The two then begin to unpack a little. They were looking at pictures and some items on the shelves when a knock interrupted them. 

        It is just Tony. I wasn’t sure what you drink, but I brought two cups of coffee and tea with milk and sugar. I know it is cold out, so you might want something warm to drink. Also, so you don’t have to deal with the crowd, you can call or message me and I will bring you anything you need.

        Thank you, Tony, that was very kind of you. Yeah, we could definitely use something warm. Thanks so much for all your help. Yeah, we are very overwhelmed by everyone. We will probably rest until everyone leaves, or at least it subsides. Paula says.

        That is fine. I understand. No pressure here. The fact that you are here means so much. Thanks again for being here. Dad never thought the three of us would ever be in the same room together talking. Tony says, looking down at the floor.

        Well, thanks again, and we will let you know if we need anything, Paula says, walking over to the coffee and preparing a cup.

        Sure, I will let you be. Tony closes the door and walks away.

        I was hoping to get a promising sign as I waited for Anthony at the bottom of the stairs. Still, I was met with him somberly walking down with his sad expression and head hanging lower than usual. So, I know things aren’t going as well as I had hoped, maybe even a lot worse than I thought they would go.

* * * * *

I follow my son as he weaves through the crowd like a snake on the water, barely touching anything, never leaving a ripple. Some family members try to stop and talk to