Heal The Presence Of The Past - Family Constellations

By Christina Bucher

WHY THE PAST NEEDS HEALING

We are influenced by those who came before us and influencing those who come after. Everything in the universe is interconnected so are we. We inherit cultures and experiences. This is known as collective unconscious or memory in nature.

Memory in nature organises itself in systems such as flock of birds, religions, countries, football teams and so on but the most important system for human beings is the family.

Family systems are responsible for how we live and how we thrive through natural laws called 'The Orders of Love".

The orders of love rarely exist intact within the average family. They dictate who belongs and how disruption happens when a family member has been excluded by their families. All exclusions creates disruption. They are known as entanglements.

'The idea of the memory being the brain is an assumption. Everything that happens in our culture we inherit,' Rupert Sheldrake.

Whilst life is the greatest gift given to us by our parents, trauma is the greatest obstacle. It plays like a broken record, in cycles and through symptoms well known to all such as:
- Work a lot but always broke.
- Often sick.
- Change partners but the new ones come with the same behaviour...
- Lack of motivation.

In this book you'll understand the orders behind these disruptive, often destructive patterns in simple and accessible language and how they work in the practical life through real cases.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Aug 15, 2022
• ISBN: 9781387695720

Book preview

Heal the Presence of the Past

Family Constellations

Stopping Self-Sabotage

By

Christina Bucher

Copyright © 2022 By Christina Bucher

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

ISBN: 978-1-387-69572-0 (eBook)

Disclaimer: ‘This book is not a substitute for a personal consultation with a professional and I am not professing any cure. It is the reader's responsibility to seek an expert to resolve any mental or emotional issues which they may have.'

Contents

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Blind Loyalties In Families

Chapter 1 - What is Family Constellation?

The Love

Chapter II - The Orders Of Love

Chapter 3 - The Themes

Chapter IV - The Tangles

Chapter V - The Field

Chapter VI - Types of Family Constellations

Chapter VII - The Healing Phrases

Chapter VIII - Real Cases

Where does my money go?

Distant Mother

I am too thin

An absent father

Daddy’s little girl

I’m Bipolar, I’m tired

There is an intruder in my health

I always choose the wrong man

I copy what I judge

Sex consumes my life

My love life is chaotic

I want more than one partner

My dad took me to a motel

It’s getting difficult to maintain a relationship

My mother always criticises me

I lose my voice

I want to earn money to travel

My mother is toxic

The concentration camp is inside my head

My father spent all of our money on prostitutes

Man of the house at the age of six

I Want To Go Back, But Your Judgement Weakens Me

I removed my father's last name

The excluded always returns

Chapter IX - Interview with Family Constellation Therapists

Joy Manné & Isabela Couto

Acknowledgements

I dedicate this book to my father Hostecil and my mother Mercedes. Without them, my life would not have been possible.

A healthy and free relationship with our parents is the basis for good affective relationships and success in the trajectory of our existence.

They've given enough. They gave us life. Choosing what to do with it is now our role.

I would also like to thank my friend Paula Arguelhes Becker for staying by my side in dark times and for setting me up with the task of finding out what family constellation therapy is.

I’m grateful to Alba Weinman for providing me with an initial platform, which made me discover that I could and would constellate for a long time.

I appreciate Miriam Blanco for believing in me and organising my workshops in Paris, but also for being so joyful.

I would like to thank my daughter Isadora Bucher for translating this book from the original in Portuguese.

I’m thankful to Rupert Sheldrake for having me, a stranger, at his home in London. I felt privileged for the opportunity.

Your story does not start with you

Your past has a very important influence on your present. Additionally, you probably already know that you inherit physical traits, but you may not know that you also inherit emotional behaviours and patterns.

These patterns are caused by unresolved traumas in your family tree from your ancestors.

They are destructive patterns that manifest in your life through symptoms that cause suffering; as illnesses and difficulties in all kinds of relationships.

According to Bert Hellinger, the German philosopher and developer of this therapy, all suffering comes from some kind of separation within the family, thus causing trauma.

Traumas include abandonment, violent death, murders, suicides, induced abortions and miscarriages, prolonged hospitalizations, adoptions, experiences of war, divorce, stillbirths as well as many other situations.

These traumas bring with them a need to repair or rebalance the system through the inclusion of the family member who was separated, excluded for one reason or another.

The inclusion is made through another member of this same family and of the next generation, appointed randomly by the family system of each one.

This repair is done unconsciously and, therefore, perpetuates the traumas and suffering of the chosen individual as well as their family until everything becomes conscious. This will occur until the outcast is loved unconditionally and has their place within the family restored.

In this book, I hope to bring some of this therapy that has helped me and many of my clients to look more clearly, more lovingly and without judgement for our parents and ancestors.

About the Author

I became interested in Family Constellation Therapy when my friend Paula asked me to find out more about it.

Someone told her that this would be a good therapy for her son.

I worked as a journalist in England for 15 years, so she knew that she could count on me to investigate any welfare issue. 

After brief research, I decided to start by interviewing another friend's family constellation therapist which led to the second, third and so on interviews.

I read books, watched videos, did workshops and talked to a lot of people. With each book that I read, video that I watched and person that I talked to, my interest grew.

I started by studying the therapy and practising sessions with friends and family as well as friends of friends, then I conducted workshops around the world. This included England, Portugal, Brazil, Sweden, Paris, Amsterdam, Vietnam, Bangkok, Dubai and even Bali.

As for my friend's son, he never did a family constellation session.

As in any other therapy, healing has to come from the person's own desire and he wasn't ready for it.

As for me, I ended up putting aside journalism and dedicated myself to Family Constellation.

Christina Bucher

Blind Loyalties In Families

Two years ago, at my aunt Jamile's funeral, my teenage son came to me and said, Mum, I was asked to help carry her coffin to the grave, as the family lacks men.

This realisation did not come as a surprise to me, instead it confirmed what I had already been observing. I think that my son was more shocked than I was.

I'm going to be part of the new generation of strong men, he said.

Yes, I come from a family of strong women who attract weak men. They dominate and unconsciously end up alone by sending them away or they end up leaving for one reason or another.

There is a clear imbalance in the relationships between men and women in the maternal side of my family.

All my aunts had difficult relationships; with alcoholic men, who abused them physically and or emotionally.

They were cheated on, there was suicide and there was even a paedophile ex-husband who ended up in prison.

They raised children alone and many of the daughters and granddaughters of the family have already repeated the pattern of marrying and separating. Many already raise children alone; including first, second and third degree cousins. Some of them never even got married or had children.

There are a lot of single women in my family and this is not a coincidence. I counted at least 15.

Culturally, the difference between Arab men and women has always been huge. My female ancestors suffered a lot at the hands of their men. They had to be strong to survive.

The women who came later, out of loyalty or blind love, said: I too belong to this family and I am strong like you. I can do everything by myself; raising my children without a husband or even being alone.

Content

I. What is Family Constellation

II. The orders of love

III. The themes

IV. The tangles

V. The field

VI. Constellation types

VII. The healing phrases

VIII. Real cases

· Where does my money go?

· Distant mother

· I'm too skinny

· An absent father

· A grandmother in her mother's place

· Daddy's little girl

· I'm Bipolar, I'm tired!

· There's an intruder in my health

· I always choose the wrong man

· I copy what I judge

· Sex consumes my life

· My love life is chaos

· I want more than one partner

· My dad took me to a motel

· It's hard to maintain a relationship

· My mother always criticises me

· I lose my voice

· I want to have money to travel

· My mother is toxic

· The concentration camp is inside my head

· My dad spent all our money on prostitutes

· Man of the house at seven years old

· I want to go back, but your judgement weakens me

· I removed my father's last name

· The excluded always returns

IX. Interviews with Family Constellation therapists

· Joy Manne

· Isabela Couto

X. Bibliography

Chapter 1 - What is Family Constellation?

‘The science of existing in love’ Bert Hellinger.

It is the look of ‘love’ towards the unconscious family collective.

Dr. David Lewis, director of Mind Lab International, affirms in his book ‘Impulses’ that studies in psychology and neuroscience describe free will as being an illusion. Furthermore, forces beyond our conscience are in movement and determine our choices.

While the personal unconscious of Freud is responsible for impulses and wishes that move us, the collective unconscious of Carl Jung says that many of our structures are inherited from our ancestors.

For the Swiss psychiatrist, we aren’t born as a blank page and yes as unconscious beings.  According to Jung, our only purpose is to turn conscious of the content that this unconscious is pressuring to get out through