The Journeys of Xander: The Sorrow of Mayiam

By Willema White

What makes a man worthy of becoming a legend? What makes a man worth remembering at all?
Many might think that I write about this man, Xander, the last Turian, for the many adventures he lived, for the deserts he crossed, for the winds that whispered him, for the sea monsters that bowed to him or for the jungles that embraced him as their own kin.
Some others might believe that it is because he discovered the secret of this world and cherished it. Because he destroyed us and saved us all. Because he met life and death themselves.
They are all wrong. These things make a man interesting, not remarkable.
His story is that of the blood in his hands, of the darkness in his mind and the candle in his heart, of the battles against the hero of another story, of how he was held and lifted by greater things than himself.
A boy that became so much more...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Willema White
• Release date: Jul 9, 2022
• ISBN: 9788411288255

Book preview

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank Alicia, my English teacher for her patience and her passion. Ines, the first person to ever read this book. Cris for putting up with all the stories I never finished that led me to this one. Miguel who read the chapters as they came and kept me going. Marine and Manu and many others who showed genuine interest throughout the years. Alex thanks for the visual advice.

My mother, my father, my sister, my grandfather, my family…thank you for even if this book comes from me, I come from you.

Thank you to the amazing artist @kudriaken for the beautiful cover she made.

Part I

Prologue: The Past in Our Future

Why is fighting with honor so important to me? Sometimes things can be ugly or honorable depending on what we make of them. For me, when I fight, I reach something strange, different from me, but that doesn’t collide with who I am. It is like suddenly belonging to something foreign, it does not make me smaller, it in fact extends the part of me I cannot touch. First, there’s the breathing, the control of the air that goes through my throat. I can retain it for a short time, but eventually it must be freed. Then, there’s this fire ranging inside of me, inside my heart, my lungs and this fire brings me to water. To the sweat falling down my back and my brow. To my movements, almost as fluid as the waves of the sea. And as I confront the enemy with my fists, I confront the earth, solid, immovable, but breakable.

These words were pronounced many times by Xander during his years as a master, though they were actually the thoughts of his dearest friend Adalric the Half Man. And yet, somehow these words are a representation and a contradiction of his life at the same time. His life was full of violence until the very end, but he always fought against it.

It is interesting to see his struggle with wrath and hatred as he is the first known human to have hosted the Great Quarrel within himself and survived.

It was said in the Red Jungle of the Moon of Shanti that one marked with a deeper vision would arrive to bring order to what had lost it, though the legend failed to mention Xander, the greatest rival the one with the mark would have.

And yet, in this half villain and maybe half hero, I find the only hope for us to win this war before the Four Faces destroy us, specially the one who they call the Son of Aivalf.

By the Blue Queen whose legend happened before her, by the Sorrowt of Mayiam and by the Sword of Custos, I plea that the uneven path of this single man, Xander the last Turian and the First Guardian, is just enough to stop this madness.

– Rill of O’lacranda, history student.

Chapter I.

An Egg, Some Preys and a Free Boy

To you.

The last Turian tribe in the Jungle of Tür, continent of Sarctel.

2000 years after the Last Betrayal. Dry season.

That morning when we found the beast, I couldn’t have imagined that it would be the smallest monster I would confront during what was left of my childhood. How small things seem watched from a certain perspective and how intimidating seem from below. That monster shook my morning, but what came behind would shake what was good in my life, like a tree is shaken to make it drop its fruits. Everything was about to change, but that subtle warning was not enough.

It’s ready, now put your foot behind the line, Teenia said with a severe look as she pointed at the line on the ground. It was just a bunch of sticks placed one after another in a row. Xander?

Why is my line behind yours? I complained. It is not fair.

She put her hand on her narrow hips. What sort of challenge would it be otherwise? You are faster than me.

Yes but—

Besides, she continued, you guys are always bragging, claiming you are better than women, she said with loftiness. Now prove it.

I murmured something incompressible knowing she was referring to a discussion she had had with her four brothers a few days back. I hadn’t supported their thesis but apparently for Teenia, my silence during their argument had been enough support. Therefore, I took a step backwards and stood behind my line.

She smiled at me triumphantly and then prepared herself for the race.

Velocity had in fact nothing to with winning or losing the race. It was a race through the jungle; from a little stream surrounded by dry sand which we used to call ‘the Oasis’, to the huge waterfall known by all the village as ‘the Tears of Rudra’. What was key in a race of this sort was agility and resistance. Reflexes were also very important; it was all about jumping over rocks, skipping to avoid roots, ducking so as not to get your head hit and even dodging playful birds or flying bugs in your way.

In conclusion, it was hectic and shambolic and the faster you moved the more difficult it was.

Ready? she asked as she jerked her head back at me.

I nodded and so she started the countdown and gave the signal, Go!

She ran faster than a fish in water. For a moment, I stood frozen in my line as I looked at Teenia’s floating hair. Looking at how it flew wildly yet softly, like a dark cloud, I realized she had tricked me and that she was the one who had advantage over me. Her moves imitated the swiftness of a stream against the elements. I grinned like a cub, it was now personal, now I had to win.

I began to run, barefoot, in the same direction. Soon the sand by the small river was replaced by slippery rocks with moist, roots that refused to get into the ground and corridors of mud. It was then when I began to aid myself with my arms, like a monkey, so as not to fall and to move as one with the jungle. After a few minutes I was starting to enter a state of mind my father used to call ‘Panetherian’. It happened when you were so deep in nature, so camouflaged with your environment that you began to sense everything around you. You felt all the stimuli whispering to you; the birds tweeting, the grass being smashed under your feet, the humid smell of wet wood, the branches that you could hold yourself to and the ones to which you couldn’t. I could hear the low voices of pink and orange flowers and the high voices of blue and purple ones. I could hear the buzzing sound of insects’ wings, the conversations between animals, the way the lower leaves stretched themselves to reach the little orange sunbeams that got through the leaves of the tallest trees. I knew what was above, and what was below, what wanted to kill me and what was afraid of me... I could breathe the jungle, I was the jungle, my heartbeat was just another drum in its concert.

However, when I saw I was catching up with Teenia, my excitement made me lose my focus, and so my instincts pushed me away from the Panetherian state. Teenia, who was still in front of me, jumped to hang herself from a branch to swing and fly over a high root. She did this several times as easily as though the trees were the ones swinging her. Then, when she realized I was stepping her talons, she changed her strategy. She began to make several turns one after the other, abruptly, and continuously and she made her turns so quickly and spontaneously that soon I lost sight of her and unfortunately sight of where I was going to. My feet, knowing I was lost, stopped when I reached the first clear. I looked around, searching for a tree I could recognize but found none. I felt my heavy breathing and my chest swelling up and down like a busy bellow. I had to find a way out of that place soon or Teenia would win. Yet my mind couldn’t think, and my eyes couldn’t see. I needed clarity.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

A smell came to me.

It was not a smell I had ever sensed, yet instead of dismissing it as unhelpful, I felt attracted to it. Curiosity was part of my nature, so without much thought I found myself following the scent, eyes still closed. There was a moment in which the smell became strong enough that I could describe it: it was like smelling the cold water of river, it was the scent of icy clouds, the scent of dry straw and… blood?

I was shocked by this. It was not human blood, but it was not of an animal either. I opened my eyes only to discover that I was starting to enter a cave. I knelt to the ground to check if there were any sort of footprints but since the floor was made of stone, it was useless. I sniffed again, and again I smelt the straw. My heart was still pounding strongly against my ribcage even though my mind had already forgotten about the race. For some reason I couldn’t explain, entering that cave seemed to be forbidden. Maybe that is why it was also calling me. I took a step in—

Xander! What are you doing? I heard Teenia’s voice a few meters away from me. I have been waiting for you at the Tears of Rudra forever! I feared you might have got lost.

I nodded to what she said, and my indifference seemed to annoy her.

It’s not fair Xander, every time you know you are going to lose, ‘something’ calls you and you never end the race. You should focus or we will never get to become Bari together. You know what my father says...

Why do girls speak so much? I asked to myself and then said out loud. Don’t you smell it?

Teenia who was in the middle of an explanation interrupted herself. I turned my head to check I hadn’t really upset her. Fortunately, her sudden silence was so because she was sniffing. Her tiny nose wrinkled like a cat’s and for some reason her eyes narrowed too.

No, I don’t smell anything particularly intriguing, except maybe just poop.

Yenon, I said which was like saying ‘heck’ or ‘jeez’. Your nose is thicker than my brother’s ego. I stared inside the cave again. Not that I blame you, it’s not your fault that you have a tiny nose after all.

Hey, look who speaks!

Ignoring her comment, I stood up and took a second step into the cave.

Xander, don’t go in. I heard Teenia’s high voice. Just think of it. The cave is quite big, it can be the house of a spacnia, we should leave.

We will never get to be Bari if we are not curious enough to step into dark caves, I said distractedly.

Truth to be told, the thought of coming across with a spacnia made my heart skip a beat, though it didn’t stop me from advancing. There was something inside the cave, something foreign. I knew it.

Xander, come on! this time her voice was echoed by the walls of the cave which meant we were both in it. Okay, I tricked you during the race now stop this game and let’s go.

As I kept advancing, I found striking the fact that no matter how deep I came into the cave there was always light.

Xander, your mother is going to kill me for letting you in a spacnia’s lair, please turn around.

Teenia was right, ever since the spacnia had let her lame which had made her renounce to be a Bari, she was paranoid about the fact that one of them could let me or my brother lame too. However, before I could answer her something responsible, my attention was caught by something I saw a few meters away from me, more into the cave. I trotted towards it, absolutely impatient to know what it was. When I was finally near enough to see it, I felt my heart freeze right there. In fact, all of me froze right there.

Eggs.

Two eggs were before me. Two eggs as tall as my knees and as wide as my shoulders. I would have thought they were the eggs of a spacnia if I had felt fear when I saw them, but I didn’t. I felt respect. I felt trapped by its form and curves and presence. I knelt to see them better.

The first thing that called my attention was that spacnia eggs are completely white or cream without blurs or dots or any sort of decoration while the eggs before me did have small marks. They were light brown which made them almost unnoticeable against the cream color of the rest of the egg and, they were the shape of a circle with a smaller circle, also cream, in the inside.

Teenia, come, I said not very loudly as though I feared I might wake up the creatures inside the eggs. You have to see this.

See what? her voice said from a shorter distance than before.

These eggs, I said. What animal do you think they belong to?

Eggs?! I think they belong to a spacnia! We must get out of here right now! You know how possessive they are.

Now Teenia was next to me, holding me by the arm and pulling.

One of us must have a head and since you refuse to have one, I’ll have to have one for both, let’s go. She pulled but I didn’t move. My eyes didn’t move away from the eggs.

They are not spacnia Teenia, just look at them, please, I said.

She let go of my arm with an exasperated sigh. Fine, she said as she knelt next to me. But then we leave.

When she saw the eggs, her expression turned from skeptical to bewildered and then to a thoughtful one.

What the...? she drew her hands to the eggs to touch them, but I didn’t let her.

What do you think you are doing? I asked.

Sorry, you are right, I shouldn’t touch them just in case I leave my smells with them. She looked at me while she said that as though she had just learnt it, as though she had woken up and realized what she was doing. Truth to be told, I hadn’t stopped her hand because she might leave her smell but because—I don’t know why—it felt like a lack of respect towards the eggs.

What animal do you think it is? I asked her again.

Teenia glanced at them once more with a bemused expression. They might be a fellow species of the spacnia, cousins maybe.

But the marks—

That’s why, she cut in briskly. And that is why we need to... As I saw her eyes glancing up towards the entrance, her voice trailed off. I frowned wondering what had made her speechless, and so I followed her gaze only to realize that the entrance was being blocked by something we couldn’t see very well since it was against the light. We could guess what it was though.

Damn it, Teenia muttered while she squeezed my left arm. Family reunion, she said not without humor. Slowly she stood up and I imitated her unable to think what to do to get out of the place. My heart began to pound strongly against my chest, and it began to pound even harder when I saw the spacnia’s silhouette creeping along the floor, approaching us in a silent yet deadly motion, like that of a fatal poison.

We have to move, to do something, before it gets too near, I whispered her as I made us take a step backwards.

Teenia swallowed and said, I’ll distract it, you find a way out.

I didn’t argue. I knew it was unfair for her to be the bait, but I knew her well enough to know that she was better at that than me. She was bolder and faster, more daring even; while I was more awake under danger and pressure and I could find a way out without panicking or getting lost in the tunnels. We were the perfect team. One day we would both become Bari and explore the world together.

I left as quickly and silently as I could right after she threw the first stone at the beast. As I ran, I thought quickly; the cave must have a second way out or a second way in depending on how you saw it. It was a matter of security for the spacnia itself in case her lair was attacked or invaded. I remembered how once my father to hunt a rutton, had made a fire to fill its lair with smoke and just a few minutes later the rutton left its home from a hole we hadn’t seen before. These thoughts were crossing my mind when I saw on the floor a line of a brighter brown than the rest of the rocks around. That could only mean one thing: a skylight or a cleft on the cave’s ceiling. I looked up. There was a crack through which light came. I smiled at my aimed guess.

Xander hurry!! I heard Teenia’s shout from the distance and over the hissing sound of the spacnia.

I scanned around me, searching for a rock or stick that could help me excavate and make the cleft bigger. When I finally found one, I took it and threw it with all my strength against the ceiling. A bit of sand and dust filled the air for a few seconds as small stones fell to the ground and over my head. When the dust dissipated, I looked up and I saw how light was making its way through the cave.

Xander!!!! I heard Teenia’s voice from the distance, but it was getting nearer now. We need to get out now!!

My heart began to thump not pound, thump. Cold sweat streamed down my back, but I could not let panic take over. I took the rock again to hit the ceiling. This time I didn’t wait for the dust to go away, I simply jumped upward and helped the light come in and the sand to fall. Soon there was a hole in the ceiling big enough that I could pass my hand through it. I kept carving and I kept sweating and dust kept sticking into my eyes, lungs, and mouth.

Come on, come on, I thought as I heard Teenia’s fast steps getting louder.

After letting my nails in the ceiling, I managed to make a larger hole through which my shoulders would fit.

I looked back but Teenia was still nowhere to be seen.

Teenia! I screamed with my mouth cupped by my hands. Tactic of The Pulled worm! I said so that she could know what to do when she reached the hole. Fortunately, in our spare time we made up a code for emergencies and strategies.

Following the plan, I jumped upward, and I tried to fit through the hole. I had to try a few times before I managed to grab a rock on the ground outside.

And so, I climbed and pulled myself out. I probably looked like a snail sticking out of its shell.

When I was finally outside, with haste I made the hole as big as possible and introduced my head and right arm in it.

Teenia, do you see my hand? I shouted and my voice bounced inside the cave’s walls.

Yes!! I heard her yell, her voice on the edge of panic.

After that there were a few moments, long ones in which nothing seemed to be happening, until...

I felt Teenia’s warm hand grabbing mine. Like an automat my hand closed around hers too and I pulled her up aiding myself with my feet, pushing against the ground and grass around me. Fortunately, for me Teenia was light and agile, and she was out of the cave in the blink of an eye. I fell on my back and she fell over me. There was a second in which we thought we could finally breath but just then something bigger broke out of the hole with a high-pitched roar. As I was face up, I was able to see the massive monster stretching its long neck, pretending to be a beautiful swan. Stone and sand fell over us as the beast shook its body, the same way a dog dries itself. I protected Teenia’s head with my arms. I felt my Adam’s apple climbing my throat while muscles became rigid as stones. Suddenly, the spacnia threw her head and neck towards us, like a falling tower, so Teenia and I rolled over the floor in different directions. After rolling a few times I stood up with an agile jump. It was then when I realized something that gave me much relief.

Teenia, are you safe? I asked over the grunts of the beast.

Yes, yes I’m fine, she answered me as she stood up.

It’s trapped! I said. It won’t follow us if we run!

This was important because usually running away from a spacnia only made them want you more.

And so, we ran back home.

*************

It was evening and just as the orange and pink sun beams filled the sky above me, wondering thoughts about the egg filled my mind during my walk. My house was a small hut made of wood, simple tree branches, leaves and mud. It was considered a big house as it had three rooms: one for me and my brother, one for my parents and a third one for all of us. It was where we ate, cooked, and discussed family matters. It had been difficult for my parents to build but they had good minds and big dreams. After my mother was crippled by the spacnia during one of their duties as Bari, my father had renounced too to his job and both had become farmers, which meant that they were given a new territory where they could have a small orchard. Like everyone in the village, they had constructed their house with their hands and the materials they found in the jungle. It had just been more difficult for them because at the time my mother could barely walk.

The main door was the only door made of wood. Well, it was closer to a removable piece of wall than an actual door, but it was fine for us. The rest of doors in the house were strips of cloth that hung from the ceiling and reached the floor.

I found my mother cutting some vegetables while she hummed one of her songs. Each day it was a different melody. She claimed, birds showed them to her during her morning walks.

She noticed my presence.

Hello dear, she said to start a conversation, but I said nothing and walked directly to my room.

There, I took from under my blanket—a piece of cloth with a rectangular shape—a whitish leaf and some charcoal.

I used this to draw. I had in fact discovered that property of charcoal by accident on a day in which I basically threw stones at everything. One of those stones had left a black mark on another one and the idea had bumped into my head. I carved it and sharpened it, so it was easier for me to hold. Only my mother and Teenia knew about this ability of mine and as far as I know they liked what I drew. However, this time I would not show them my drawing. I wouldn’t show Teenia because she would laugh at me and I wouldn’t show my mother because she would ask me where I had seen such a big egg and I didn’t want to explain her my meeting with the spacnia.

Before I could touch the leave with the charcoal, a noise that came from the outside called my attention. I put my things under my blanket again and I stood up. I walked out of the bedroom into the room where my mother was preparing dinner. She was looking through a window which was just a small hole in the wall with a rectangular shape that we covered with a piece of wood at night. I approached to see what had caught her eyes only to discover my brother and my father talking. There was a big smile on my father’s face while he tapped my brother’s shoulder. My brother tried to keep a straight face, but I saw his pride bubbling up from his heart to his eyes. I saw something else in them too, but I couldn’t put a finger on it at the time.

Well done my dear son, my father said. This is amazing!

I frowned, what was so amazing? Then I saw it. My brother had been hunting and he had returned with four big preys.

I can’t believe it! You must be gifted by the stars! my father cheered as he stared in awe at the dead animals.

It really was amazing what my brother had achieved, but unlike my father I felt it was amazing as in too amazing. It didn’t fit. I don’t know why but it made me itchy. When I heard my father speak again to keep praising my brother, I stopped looking and went back to my room; I had better things to do.

Shortly after I had begun to draw an oval on my leave, I heard my father’s and brother’s footsteps.

Look ma! Look what I brought for dinner!

Now that I remember those words of my brother, I feel I want to throw up. How could he. How could he speak such nice words to my—our mother. How dare he—I tried not to get distracted by what was happening at the other side of the wall and focus on the drawing before the image of the egg banished from my mind.

After a while, the smell of grilled meet coming from the outside made my mouth melt and the image of crusted skin and greasy meat bumped into my head. The smell of boiled vegetables didn’t help either and my stomach groaned at me. But I hadn’t finished my drawing and I was not going to move till I finished.

My mother called for dinner and my stomach groaned again. But I refused and so I stayed a little bit longer. Longer enough so she could call me once more. I had almost finished my drawing and I was starting to wonder if I was doing it slower by chance or not.

Xander dear, your dinner is waiting, my mother said as she entered my room. I kept drawing on the leaf I had without moving from the floor or looking up at her. Yes, I realized, I am drawing slower on purpose. "You must eat your rutton before its spirit leaves it," she added given my silence.

I added a few dots to the egg while I stuck my tongue out. I always do that when I am trying to focus on something.

Also, I’ll be happier, she whispered.

Only then did I stop drawing and glance up at her. Her green eyes showed the same painting as always: a butterfly flying up and down, up down, happy but melancholic, loving yet strong, but overall, tender, and wise. I really loved my mother’s gaze and I keep dreaming of the butterfly, with its dark blue and red colors and its irregular flying style. It always hovered over a field of grass under a blue sky. That is what home means to me.

What’s wrong? she said with a frown somehow, she knew I was upset.

Nothing, I said as I looked back at my drawing. There was a dot missing...

My mother, who was a good mother, didn’t believe me and so she knelt beside me and searched for my eyes. I have always wondered what picture she might see in them.

Does it have something to do with the fact that you don’t want to have dinner? she asked sweetly.

Knowing she had caught me I looked away. She took my face, my left cheek to make me look at her. Her hands were warm and cozy against my skin and as her eyes were again on mine, I just needed one more pull to let it all go.

Tell me.

I clenched my jaw. I had two things to tell her, one that made me feel guilty and a second that infuriated me. I bet for the second. I don’t believe Kand hunted all of that on his own, or that it is good he killed that much.

My mother frowned at me as though she was trying to understand what I meant. She finally didn’t. I was really concerned for what I had said in those literal words, but she simply assumed I was jealous of my elder brother.

Darling, you and your brother are different, and that is a good thing. I wouldn’t like it if you were like him.

I wouldn’t like it either, I said sort of serious though for some reason it stole a faint grin from her lips.

And neither would your father. I know sometimes he praises Kand a little too much but— She paused and stayed a few moments in silence. But I’ll tell you a little secret, savvy?

I nodded. I loved when my mother told me the secret things she knew. Like for example, how to make a lizla change its skin from blue to purple. You see, usually, they changed from blue to yellow, to show danger, but my mother knew how to draw out the rest of colors. Purple for amusement. She actually knew how to amuse a reptile. I looked at her with wide eyes and opened ears.

Sometimes, I think he does so because you don’t seem to need it, my little one. You are different from other kids and though he has sensed it he doesn’t know it. The words my mother spoke next pained and burnt me more than fire during the following years of my youth. It was terrible. Why did she have such huge hopes in me? In my goodness? It took me long years to turn her tender words from wrong to right. "I know you are different, special. All the chaos you provoke, the good you make, everything…it comes from you, Xander. Your own laws. Your very own free heart. Because that is what you are, darling, free. Free of the rules of your culture, of your family. You have great independence. Clairvoyance, I dare to say. You are a creature of your own, born apart. With its own knowledge, not tied to a way of thinking or to a place.

I see it in your questions, your drawings, the way you look at the sky through the leaves. She frowned and turned her head aside while I looked at her with wide eyes wondering why she was telling me this and where it came from. Yes, I know you will go far away some day and I know you’ll be over the pain life puts you through, sooner or later you’ll break the chains people try to trap you with. Her eyes were shinning with bashful tears by that point. That’s why you don’t worry me at all. You don’t need to be the best hunter or farmer or Bari, because you’ll be just you. Your spirit is either a very old one or a very new one... You don’t need our praise. She put her hand on my shoulder in that way mothers do, and she looked at me in the same safe way. Then, the edge of her lips curved, and she added. You just need to eat your rutton.

Outside it was already a starry night. The breeze embraced me with its cold breath at the same time as the hot scent of the rutton swelled my nostrils. To keep myself safe from the cold I approached the modest bonfire where my mother had cooked our food. Then, with calmness, I sat on a tree trunk and took my portion of vegetables. I picked some of it with my fingers, but just when I was going to introduce it in my mouth, some of it fell. Something was making me uncomfortable. I glanced up around me to check what was bordering my senses. It was then when I caught my brother giving me a hairy eyeball. Why did he have to look at me like that? I felt tempted not to eat the rutton he’d hunted but I realized that that not only would upset my mother, but it would also show I cared about his deed, and I didn’t.

Therefore, I took a piece of meat and gave it a big bite with my two white and pointy canines.

Then, my brother out of the blue smiled at me as though he was self-satisfied by his ability of taking care of his family and despite everything, I couldn’t get mad at him because of that. How wrong I was.

After a while, my mother sat next to me after she placed a bucket of water beside her, so we could wash our hands and feet after eating. I must recognize that despite the fact that my culture lived quite ‘primitively’ we were quite neat, mainly because we had many ritual involving water.

Whilst my small family had an animated conversation of what they had done that day, I looked up at the stars. I knew that I would see the same stars for the rest of my life wherever I was, and that made my heart warm and uneasy at the same time. However, what I didn’t know was that I would see them with different eyes, and that that night would be the last time I would see them with the eyes of an unbroken child.

Chapter II. In Her Eyes

"His eyes were deep as the deepest ocean,

But the coldest ocean was not as cold as his eyes."

I woke up before dawn. This was strange as I usually woke up when the sun had bathed most part of the jungle. A noise and an unfamiliar smell I couldn’t put my finger on, had somehow broken into my dreams.

I opened my eyes slowly while I rubbed my left one with my hand. I was going to ask my brother if he had heard anything, but I couldn’t. He wasn’t in his bed. I saw him walking out of the room. He walked like someone sneaking out. With a frown I stood up and followed him. When I left the room, I didn’t see my brother, I just saw the door of the house closing as he left. I must admit I was very curious about what he might be scheming. I couldn’t resist myself from following his footsteps even though some part of my guts told me it was not a good idea. Some part of me knew there was something off. But looking back it wouldn’t have mattered if I had stayed at home or not, the ending would have been the same.

Thus, I closed the door of the house behind me as carefully as I could because I didn’t want to wake my parents. I wish I had though. Outside the sky was starry, though I could see how its dark blue had turned slightly lighter than when I had gone to sleep. The two moons and guardians of the night sky lit my way through the jungle. With their graceful aid and my skills, it wasn’t difficult for me to catch up with my brother. He had no idea of how to move through the foliage and he left broken twigs and bent leaves everywhere behind him. His hunting style resembled my father’s, well, it actually resembled the way in which most of the men in the village hunted: little stealth and a lot of combat. It was based on boldness, stamina, and big weapons. My style, however, was based on my mother’s style. She hunted quietly, swiftly. Stealth was the key to her victory and after a hunt it was difficult to notice what had happened there. She left no signs of violence. That was why I walked through the jungle as if I were a breeze while my brother did not.

As I ventured deeper into the jungle silence grew louder and louder. This was a bad sign, since during the night the jungle was as lively as during the day. I should have heard the songs of insects and the quick steps of a prey avoiding a predator. I should have seen opened Dilly flowers, which were flowers whose leaves were so delicate they had to take the light the moons reflected instead of the light that came directly from the sun. But they were all closed like afraid children covering their eyes. I should have acknowledged that the water of the river I stepped was too clear, too glassy, too serene...

Despite all the things that didn’t fit, I kept following my brother because not in a million years or how many fishy things I found in my way could have helped me imagine what was really going on.

There was a moment in which the path my brother was leaving behind led to an opening. Thus, I stayed behind a thick tree to avoid being seen. When Kand reached the center of the clearing he stopped. He began to tap his thighs nervously and unconsciously and it was that gesture that told me that he was waiting for someone. He looked up at the sky and the moons as though their position marked some sort of time. Both together looked like the watchful eyes of an ancient woman. If it were so, she could start her judging now.

There was a snap. My brother must have heard it too because he dragged his eyes from the sky to the trees around him with a fast move. I looked at the same direction as his eyes. And I saw it.

I saw red and yellow and orange balls of light floating in the air and hiding amongst the trees. At first, I was frightened at what they might be. My imagination and my childishness made me think they were many ghosts or even the angry eyes of a huge monster, however, as the lights moved nearer to my brother, I realized they were torches held by men. Strange men. The skin of some of them was darker than ours, while others had much, much lighter skin. Their facial features were different too, ruder in way. Different. Nothing like I had ever seen.

Despite this, my brother’s face did not show any sort of surprise which meant that somehow, he already knew those foreigners. My hair spiked. I walked carefully around the clearing to a zone where trees were nearer those men and my brother so that I could hear what they were saying.

I leaned myself on a thick tree trunk that was a little inclined and that had enough leaves so that I wasn’t seen, not even by the most curious eyes.

Has anyone followed you? a man that looked like the chief asked him.

I couldn’t make out his face as the torch he was holding cast it with too many shadows. Looking back, I realize that I should have been surprised that they spoke the same language as me. But I couldn’t be stricken by this since, my knowledge of the world was too small, and wondering if there was another language aside mine was beyond my capacities.

No, sir, my brother said nervously. All the village is sleeping, sir. They don’t suspect a thing. It’s impossible.

I frowned as I tried to understand the meaning behind his words.

You look stressed kid. Are you sure you want to do this?

Now I realize he really meant to say. ‘Are you still loyal?’

My brother straightened his back and lifted his chin. Of course.

A shadow in the man’s face changed. He was smirking subtly.

Why? he said with a sort of amusement that my guts felt as wrong.

I want to leave this behind, sir. I want knowledge, I want— my brother trailed off when the man raised his hand.

Shut up before I get bored, he said despicably. Now, lead us to the village.

I saw actual fear reflected in my brother’s eyes. But I saw his angry pride too, staying at the back of them. Hidden.

Should I lead you to the weapon’s house first? Kand said with the strongest voice he could fake.

The man laughed. No need. Their weapons will be useless against these. As he pronounced those words, he lifted something he had been holding so long for my brother to see. It was a big metallic object I did not recognize. I just recognized some parts of it, like its hilt. Though it was placed in a peculiar position if it was meant to be a sword or a spear but then again it didn’t have a blade which was even weirder. The only dangerous thing of that weapon might be its pointy edge or its weight. I thought it might simply be used for striking the adversary. Now I know it was a gun.

***************

If it weren’t for the tree, I was leaned on I would have already fallen to the ground like a weak newborn deer. My knees buckled and my hands quivered. I was so sweaty my hands slipped along the smooth surface of the trunk. However, my blood was cold. Cold like the stream of a river, but with its lack of life.

It can’t be. It can’t. I told myself while I tried to breath normally. It’s a nightmare. I’ll wake up any second.

But deep inside I knew it was no nightmare. My brother had betrayed us and there was only one thing I could do.

***************

With my heart out of my chest I ran. I ran like an arrow across a battlefield. I ran fast like rain drops despite all the twigs and tree branches that scratched my face. I ran like an animal in the wild until I came across with an old friend, I had seen the day before.

My muscles paralyzed as the spacnia turned around and raised its head like a just woken swan. Its multiple eyes stared at me as they all blinked at once. I stayed frozen.

For long moments, I thought its attention was on me. I thought its nostrils were filling with my scent. That the shout it gave into the air meant she knew she had me. But…out of the blue the spacnia threw her head on my direction, it almost hit me, but it didn’t because that wasn’t her intention. After her head landed on the floor, she began to creep rapidly back into the mixture of trees until it was completely out of sight. I stayed still a few seconds, trying to regain my breath while my legs stopped feeling as though they were jelly. What could have frightened the assassin of the jungle so much for it to run away? I don’t know how much time I had been standing or for how long the beast had been holding me up but when I was about to race again, a heard the roar of the first gun that had been shot.

When I reached the entrance walls of my village, I knew something was wrong because of the turned-off torches I saw hanging from them. We usually left them lit because it kept animals away from our food and homes. The picture didn’t seem to become more hopeful when I realized the strange footprints that led inside the village. Those footsteps didn’t belong to men who walked barefoot. And finally, if all of that weren’t enough, my nose detected smoke and I thought I had heard desperate screams from the inside of the walls. With a deep breath and much fear, I pushed the ‘gates’ open, however, to my surprise they were locked from the inside. And that was not possible because those doors weren’t supposed to be able to be locked. It was then when a dark thought crossed my mind. They—whoever they were—didn’t want anyone leaving.

Up to that moment I thought I had lived the scariest situation in my life but that thought left my mind as I heard the second gun roaring this time followed by a chorus of screams.

My heart began to race even more. My blood felt cold in my body. I had to do something. I had to climb the wooden wall.

And that was what I did. It hurt me a little because I cut myself with the pointy edges but in less than a minute, I set foot inside the village. I turned around only to realize where the smoke I had smelt came from. There was a house burning. And not just any house but the chief’s house. The other few houses I could see were not burning but there was an unnatural silence inside them. I was going to advance towards the chief’s house in search of answers when I saw one of the men of the forest standing before it.

Warm night isn’t it? he laughed madly while he swung his weapon over his head.

I didn’t know who he was speaking to but just in case and because of my fear I decided to get to my house through a short cut. Along my way, I didn’t see anything traumatic since everything was silent and dark as though any other night. I was under a tunnel that had been carved below our village by a spacnia who had lived there long before our people founded the village. Teenia and I had discovered it by accident a year ago or so. The exit was covered under some bushes next to my house. Even though my house was inside the wooden walls of the village it was built a bit apart from the rest because after my mother broke her leg, she’d wanted some privacy, to start from zero so she didn’t want to live in the central houses of the village which usually belonged to the Bari.

I removed the branches and leaves that blocked the exit of the tunnel as silently as I could and then I crept out smoothly like I did when I left home early in the mornings if I was to meet up with Teenia secretly. The exit to the tunnel was right behind our little orchard which was just behind our hut. When I was completely out of the tunnel and the night sky was above me, I scanned around and saw smoke rising into the air. Through the dark of the night and the confusion of the moment I saw that the houses around where either starting to burn or too quiet. That is why my heart almost broke through my chest when I heard someone crying out inside my house. I don’t know if I was afraid or not. I don’t know if what I did was of someone brave or of someone who didn’t know where he was going to, but the thing is that I stood up and circled my hut till I reached what was supposed to be the door. I looked once more around me. I heard a second scream coming from another hut which my made the hair at the back of my skull spike. Danger. The smoke was thick. The quietness was starting to die. I clenched my fists and my jaw. I kicked the door and entered.

***************

Sometime later—I don’t know how much maybe seconds, maybe minutes, maybe hours—I was literally thrown out of my house by a couple of men. They took me from the arms while I struggled and wrestled to break myself free. I looked like a wild animal lost in its instincts, so they simply threw me out of the hut as though I were a worthless rag. The right side of my face and bare chest fell hard against the ground and my skin was scratched by small stones. I barely noticed it. I was too enraged. As soon as I tried to stand up, I felt a foot—covered with something I would later know as shoe—pressing my back to force me into the ground again. I ate soil unwillingly.

You, filthy bastard! the man shouted at me as he pressed harder. What did you do!

I wanted to shout back at him. I wanted to free myself and scratch his face and eyes with my own nails. I was so full of wrath that I felt dizzy and the fact the I was lying on the ground with my right eye swelled didn’t help. With my left eye, I could see what was happening in the distance. The light of dawn was mixing with the light of the fire. But there was no morning air, just smoke and dust. I saw feet running everywhere. Some feet were covered, others were bare. I heard screams and noises like thunder. I felt that the chaos within my heart was also outside in what used to be my home. I closed my eyes in a desperate hope of escape. But when I closed my eyes, I was in the hut again. And so was my mother. I was looking at her in the eyes, and I saw a gun on their reflection—I opened my eyes again. I was panting. My eye focused again. There were still feet running everywhere. I saw silhouettes chasing each other. Some of them fell to the ground and did not stand again.

Stupid son of a bitch! the man of the foot dragged me back to reality with his hideous voice. I didn’t know what his words meant but I knew what they were meant for. He took his foot away from me, only to kick me in the ribs. I groaned furiously and I tried to stand. But the man kicked me again.

I fucked her anyways! You hear me little brat!! he kicked me so hard he forced me to turn and be faced up. I will kill you for what you did!!

He then sat on me and began punching my face. I closed my eyes again, and again I saw my reflection in my mother’s eyes. I saw no carefree butterfly. I saw what I was holding. It was then when I began to feel a warm liquid inside my eyes.

What? You crying for mummy? Are you sad? the man mocked as he forced me to look into his eyes by taking me by the throat.

He began to squeeze. I coughed blood out.

Hey, it’s enough, said the second man who had been looking at how I was beaten up. The boss wants him alive; he is the kid’s brother after all. He might have been the only one to pass the test.

Only then did the first man move away from me.

The boss will kill him, when he knows what he did.

"But I want to kill him," he protested.

But those are not our orders. Keep them alive if they pass the test, that’s all. Now maybe we should tie him up just in case... I didn’t hear more of their conversation. In fact, I had stopped listening after they mentioned the word ‘brother’. My mind shot me with images of my mother. Of what kind of creature, I looked like in her eyes. Of my hands trembling, sweating, all because of my brother. Because of what he had done to us. Why?? WHY?? I shouted at my brother though I knew he wasn’t there, and my words were incompressible anyways. They sounded more like a groan. A grunt. A roar. I began to move, I had to find him I had to show him what he’d done to our family. The nothingness in my mother’s eyes.

Hold him! the second man shouted. And they both jumped at me to hold my wrists and my ankles. They tied my hands on my back as hard as they could even though I tried to resist them like a crazy worm.

I have never seen one so rebellious. They are usually in shock, damn it, he spat.

That can be fixed. I knew I was going to feel a boot in my ribs again, when the sound of a horn broke through the havoc. The kick didn’t reach me and when I looked around, I saw no more feet running.

The signal, the second one said.

We’re done here, said the one who hated me the most. Let’s take him. And just a second later he grabbed my hair and pulled up to make me stand on my knees. Both lifted me in the air and then carried me to the center of the village. Through our way and with my healthy eye I saw what was left of my village. Most of the houses were burnt or destroyed. Belongings were spread all over the place, most of them specially pots and furniture were broken. By the entrance of a hut, I saw a wooden toy dyed red and next to it a hand. I didn’t know whose I was seeing as the rest of the body was inside the house. Of course, I could have guessed, but I preferred not to. The dust and sand that had raised during the havoc was slowly setting on the floor again, which allowed me to see where I was being carried to.

Around the chief’s house which was now a bonfire there were many men—soldiers – like the ones who were holding me, but who were holding other children instead. Some of them were unconscious or too shocked to have their heads raised to see what was happening around them, while others were too stimulated and hyperventilated like fish out of the water. I searched for Teenia with my left eye, but she was nowhere to be seen. It was in that moment when I realized there weren’t any girls. My heart sank even deeper into my chest, like a rock might sink into the water and for the first time I realized how scared I really was. But just then a hoarse voice took me out of my reverie. Before all of us, there was a man, another soldier, that was counting us and checking our physical state.

This one is fine, tie him and move him towards the gates with the others.

This one won’t even get to camp alive, get rid of him.

This one looks very strong, tie him from hands and feet and take him to the gates.

This one is too old, get rid of him.

Too young.

He said while he made marks with a strange object—a pencil—on a leaf, until he got to me. For a moment, I thought he would look at me, into me. That he would analyze me and judge me considering me a human being just like him. However, that was too much to ask, he gave me a frivolous glance and touched my swollen eye with the strange object as if he was touching the body of a dead animal with a stick. Before he could speak one of the men holding me said.

He is a rebellious one, he has disobeyed my orders—

The man with the stick raised his hand to make the other silent. He seemed annoyed about the interruption.

Did he pull the trigger? he asked.

Yes, but—

But nothing, the man with more authority said. He is now property of Third Eye, if there is anything you want to do with him, ask Third Eye himself.

The soldier frustrated nodded while the second soldier whispered him. Told ya.

Stop the chatting and get him to camp, ordered the man with the stick.

The two soldiers nodded and seconds later we were moving again, and it was then when I realized that they were going to take me out of my village to go to ‘camp’ whatever that was and that I would never step my home again, because now I belonged to someone called Third Eye. And when this thought wetted my bones, I felt the urge of looking back once more. To see my hut, or the chief’s hut, or the corral where OniYa kept the fowl I used to scare, or the Vasci Tree that the children of the village and I used to climb while we raced. I wanted to see Teenia’s home once more which was under the leaves of another great tree, I wanted to see The house of Words, the hut where Bari discussed all the knowledge we had and that we didn’t have; and over all I needed to search for Teenia, I needed to know if she was alive if she was looking for me as well, what had happened to her. However, as soon as I tried to turn my head to look over my shoulder, one of the men, slapped my face with his forehand.

Third Eye won’t mind, was the last thing I heard before my world became black.

Chapter III.

3 of Punishment 1 to Close It

When I opened my eyes again, I had my face on the ground as though I were bowing to someone. I sat down with a fast move which made me dizzy. I looked around only to realize I didn’t know where the hell I was. It was in that moment when everything that had happened came back to me along with anger and fear. To calm down, I forced myself to look around. I was in huge clear, in what looked like a camp; well, we all were, this time boys as well as girls.

We were all chained. We had rusty handcuffs around our wrists and ankles, forcing us to stay sat on the ground. If we tried to move, we would make our skin redder and rawer than a pealed carrot. I know this because I tried to move. I was hysterical and felt trapped and while a hidden part of me was agonizing in the picture I had just lived, some other not so hidden part of me was choking with a delirious wrath. So yes, I moved like a trapped animal until one of the so kind soldiers kicked my ribs to make me stop. That was when I realized there were soldiers with guns and knives everywhere; there was no way out, not at least without a free shot to your head.

I tried to calm down, to understand my situation as well as the situation of what remained of my people. The guards became silent, as a figure came out of an old white tent that was in the middle of the clearing surrounded by many other tents. I assumed it was their leader. I knew I was right when I saw a man standing before all