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Reflections: The Spiritual Struggles of a Non-Conformist
Reflections: The Spiritual Struggles of a Non-Conformist
Reflections: The Spiritual Struggles of a Non-Conformist
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Reflections: The Spiritual Struggles of a Non-Conformist

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I am an impulsive non-conformist. I can't help it. I was born that way. Its in my DNA. I break the rules. There are consequences. Hell to pay. I claimed I was a free spirit but with reckless abandon I made costly financial decisions. My ego driven marriage and financial failures added to low self-esteem, repeating cycles of severe anxiety and clinical depression. My self-identity became fueled by negative self-talk over many years. But repressed feelings of remorse, unconscious shame and guilt, formed a damaged psyche. Periods of great success never lasted. I was an enigma to family and friends. A smart, hardworking, compassionate woman who helped many people couldn't help herself.

Then I had a sudden revelation of self-awareness twelve years ago. I discovered my true nature. In spite of all my flaws, I had a dramatic vision that changed my life. In a moment of a powerful conscious awareness, I realized that I am a spiritual being living on this earth for a divine purpose. I realized that we are all here as extensions of the omnipotent creative force of our universe that some refer to as Source Energy or God. I was freed of long lasting depressions and suicidal ideation. For my readers who are living in a state of shame and guilt I wish to let you know it is never too late to stop the torment of your lying mind and feel sustainable joy. To know your true worth. As an adult I had noble strengths and ideals. I devoted myself to the betterment of others. Yet I punished myself by making comparisons to others. I felt I was never good enough. Overachieving was a sickness in itself. Loss of my fortunes, married six times, a rebel in my own family and community, was a path I eventually trudged alone and bereft. My familial culture and religious conditioning, and many of my lifelong beliefs betrayed me. I had to start over. This is the story of my personal journey. How a deeper understanding brought me peace and contentment. Through divine grace I became free to forgive myself, love myself and move forward in my elder years with passion and purpose. I have no fear of dying knowing how to truly live. Being here now, allowing and accepting each moment, is better than all my ambitious doings. This is a joy accessible to those with an open heart.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherBalboa Press
Release dateJun 10, 2022
ISBN9798765225318
Reflections: The Spiritual Struggles of a Non-Conformist
Author

Susan Etchey

Susan Etchey lives in the rural Pacific Northwest where she was born and raised. She earned a degree in Political Science and a minor in Philosophy at Seattle University. Her 35 year professional writing career includes work as a newspaper editor and reporter in Florida, magazine features and investigative journalism. In the past three years she has devoted herself to writing poetry and is the founder/owner of the Unknown Poets Society of the Pacific Northwest. This is Susan's first book.

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    Reflections - Susan Etchey

    Copyright © 2022 Susan Etchey.

    All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

    graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by

    any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author

    except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

    This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher

    make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book

    and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

    Balboa Press

    A Division of Hay House

    1663 Liberty Drive

    Bloomington, IN 47403

    www.balboapress.com

    844-682-1282

    Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in

    this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

    expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

    views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

    The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use

    of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical

    problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The

    intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you

    in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any

    of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right,

    the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

    Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

    models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

    Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

    ISBN: 979-8-7652-2530-1 (sc)

    ISBN: 979-8-7652-2531-8 (e)

    Balboa Press rev. date:  06/02/2022

    "How many infinite lives have been lived since man first had consciousness or awareness of his soul? And how many of those souls have stared up at the stars in wonder; pondered the meaning of their existence, the meaning of life, the thoughts of their ancestors, dreamed of the futures of his offspring and the purpose of all that is man?

    How long will we wander before the truth is found?"

    — Morris R. Gates

    We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heroes or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves. And maybe it’s our job to invent something better."

    — Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

    CONTENTS

    Acknowledgements

    Chapter 1   Identity

    Chapter 2   Breaking the Rules

    Chapter 3   Embracing Life Lessons

    Chapter 4   Shame and self esteem

    Chapter 5   Forgiveness and Regrets

    Chapter 6   Finding True Happiness

    Epilogue

    ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

    Several especially intelligent persons honored me by taking the time to review my book in its numerous revisions over the past three years. I wish to thank them.

    Each reviewer made significant suggestions that I incorporated in my writing. Some of their suggestions I admit I ignored. None have read and reviewed this final version. I believe I may never have finished this first book without their encouragement.

    So I am indebted to the insights of my life coach, Marie Johnson of Wilkinson, Washington, the scholarly expertise of Carol Hoffman Guzman and Roberto Guzman of Miami Shores, and the editing of my first three chapters by Trevor O’Hara of Seattle, Washington. Louie Rafflour, blacksmith and metal artist in Seattle at Black Dog Forge, who created the iron Basque that is the symbol of their pagan sun god. Rafflour gave me creative inspiration.

    I also wish to praise my loving daughter, Casey Serquinia of Kent, Washington. Although my daughter’s faith is different than mine, she has been constant in encouraging me to achieve my writing goals.

    CHAPTER 1

    IDENTITY

    Being a non-conformist born into a conservative-thinking family, I had romantic illusions at an early age about my alleged Basque heritage. Struggling with self-identity, I proudly clung to the idea of having a different, mysterious, almost magical, ancestry.

    Plagued by a profound self-doubt and a sense of separation, it seemed to empower me.

    It would take years for me to discover my true identity. Not understanding my innate identity, my spiritual identity, caused unbelievable suffering. If I can show others the way out from their own self-suffering by sharing how my life changed after I made that crucial discovery, my purpose here is fulfilled.

    Even in my youth, I was asking myself Who am I? I felt not the me I was told I should be. To create my own reality, I would often row our 12-foot wooden boat as furiously as I could, heading out to sea all alone. I would drop the anchor 10 feet deep into the water in small inlets of Puget Sound near the beach where we lived. I wore my lifejacket, but I was also a good swimmer. I would lean over the bow and peer into the deeps of the water for mesmerizing moments. It was another world I experienced. I was submerged into the glorious presence of the mysteries of life.

    The truth is I have continued to ask myself this important question over my lifetime. Who am I? I have often wondered why I am

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