The Hopeful Romantic

By Chi Love

Becoming a Matchmaker was the most exhilarating, challenging, and gratifying thing that Chi Love has ever done. Her story started long before she found out this was her calling. Between these pages, you'll find a dynamic story about how she decided to turn her

• Language: English
• Publisher: N.Y.A. Love and Dating Services LLC
• Release date: Dec 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986182612

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

The Hopeful Romantic

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Ever since I could remember- I have always been a hopeful romantic. I read every romance novel I could get my hands on as a kid, even some that I shouldn’t have been reading in the first place. I became one with the characters and would immerse myself in the book while simultaneously touching myself . I cried when characters died or were mourned and got excited for every kiss and caress. Tears of joy danced on my face when I read about the two fall in love, saying the words for the first time. Every chapter was there was nothing about me who felt that romance was hopeless. I remember crying for days after watching Jack float to the bottom of the sea in Titanic and wishing it had a different ending. I remember how excited I was to see Brandy casted as the first black Cinderella. For a young woman with a chocolate complexion, representation was so important. I remember my parents divorcing in the 4th grade and how my whole idea of what love looked like evaporated into thin air. I was angry. I was remorseful and I somehow blamed myself. I couldn’t understand how something that was supposed to last forever, something so beautiful could turn so ugly. I was the oldest and never dreamed of a life without both parents in the household. I remember my parent’s 10th wedding anniversary and how good they looked together. I remember them slow dancing cheek to cheek and I also recall how much my cheeks hurt from smiling ear to ear. Regrettably I also a couple of major fights and loud arguments that took place in our South Seattle living room. I remember crying on the forest green leather couch with an arm around each of my sisters, struggling to comfort them and somehow find peace within myself. Even though they rarely argued repeatedly in front of us, th energy was thick and suffocating. I think they stayed together longer than they should have for us. I admired them for trying but I also wanted them both to be happy. My dad moved into another bedroom in the house and it felt like they were strangers. To give further context my mother is a Pisces and my father is a Taurus. I won’t go too much into astrology too much here because that’s not what this book is about but if you know, you know. My dad was more passionate, intelligent, opinionated and peaceful but his stoincess and lack of emotion during heart wrenching times sometimes made made my mothers blood boil. They had been through a lot. After all my Dad was one the greatest goalkeepers in all time and he was also Nigerian; a country were men rarely smile in pictures. My dad loved to laugh. I loved when he was happy, he smiled big and made the whole room feel like sunshine. For me it was the exact opposite when he was sad….

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We lost my baby brother to a miscarriage prior to them filing for divorce and I don’t think my mother was ever the same after the loss. My dad had his own was of grieving and I’d often find him crying while listening to Enya on the same forest green couch where I would also shed my tears a few months after. I often found my Dad in deep thought on the coach as the tears fell silently on his cheeks. I knew he felt things but he never wants us to see him down. My mother was hurting. She always felt things very intensely but losing what would have been her first son after having 3 girls was an indescribable pain. She went back to work soon after, I felt it was her way of coping. She worked for many years as a trauma nurse so she had seen so much, but this pain hit differently, the hardest part about it was I was the oldest and there was absolutely nothing I can do about it. I hated seeing them both so disheartened and distraught but they were human after all. I also knew that right then that I was witnessing the beginning of the end of an almost 11 year marriage. I know it was extremely difficult for my parents to talk about. The Summer following the summer of thier divorce was the longest Sunmer of my life. My mother was granted custody and we went from a two parent household to a single mother one. This all happened uicker then we could blink. We had an absent minded babysitter named Shelly who always wore sweatpants and had an oddly height pitched voice, small moles on her caramel face and talked a lot with her hands. She was different but her egg salad sandwiches were to this day the best I’ve ever tasted. She was very attentive until she wasn’t and my mother let her go almost immediately. Then there was Melissa who was a close friend of my Aunt’s. She was light hearted, beautiful and had the brightest smile. I loved that smile. It was rare that she wasn’t smiling. So rare that I recall the moments where she wasn’t smiling. Eric. Eric was both her joy and sorrow. She has a young son and a heart that longed for Eric but he never embodied the same love for her. Melissa was so beautiful, she had a perfectly symmetrical face and bangs and often wear chocolate lipstick that stood out on her. She was sunshine. When she chose to focus on herself she could no longer be out sitter. I was happy for her but miss her to this day. The last sitter I remember was Amira. Amira was the daughter of my other Aunts husband. She babysat us for awhile and even loved with us. She was obsess with *NSYNC and JC Chavez.She had every CD and often listen to them on rotation on repeat. We would dance to Bye Bye Bue numerous times until we both brole into a sweet. My favorite was Lance Bass who ironically turned out to be LGBTQ. He remains mt favorite to this day. I love Jesus but I’m pansexual and will not sent that. If that made you upset then I don’t know what to tell you. I will say that I hope you’re loving your truth and I hope you never judge me for living mine. I always do me and I suggest you always do to. Life is too short not to. I digress, not too long after my Aunt divorced her Dad she moved away. That was sad. She cried. She was so introverted when she met me but I convinced her to come out of her shell. I convinced her to flat iron her hair one day and wear this black and white dress that we had at the house. It fit her perfectly and she felt beautiful and I was so excited and happy for her. I’ll never forget that day. She wore the dress with so much pride and even switched a little in her heels. Sadly, after my aunt divorced her Dad, I never saw her agin. I remember losing babysitters over the years and how each one felt like a deeper loss then the one prior. In hindsight I think it hit a little different because I was still processing the grief of losing both parents in a marriage that i was so convinced would last forever. Anyways that summer I met a man named Michael who was obsessed with me and I loved it. It was a pleasant distraction and it felt good to date him. He was super chocolate; as in double fudge and I loved it. His pearly whites always glistened at me whenever he saw my face. He had a great heart, strong hands and wrinkles that formed in his forehead whenever he was contemplating something. He was my summer love and Lord knows how much I needed that. He made me feel guilty how can I be happily dating this man when things were so terrible at home? How could I’ve smiling in his face and enjoktng his embrace when my parents no longer occupied the same house so I broke up with him because I don’t see the point of us dating anymore because - nothing lasts forever right? He was speechless. He looked at me for a long time and i turned away just as i saw the tears fill up like gas tanks in the corner of his eyes. All of a sudden I felt dead inside. 2 years later the divorce was finalized and we ended up at another summer camp . That’s when I met him. He was kind of rude and mysterious but I liked that about him. His shirts were always crisp and white and his shoes were alway clean. He had a few siblings but was always over protective of his sister, I don’t blame him. She was such a sweet soul and his only sister at that. Elijah had dimples, an intense gaze and a mouth that could slice through your heart if you let it. I liked him. We rarely spoke. There were times where I was teased and made fun ofor being thick, tall and dark skinned. One day in particular I heard some kids making jokes about me, I wasn’t shy so I asked them what’s was so funny. They all just looked at me, then looked at eachother and burst out laughing. In the past I’d heard African worked up the courage to speak to him. I asked him if I has DSL he looked at me and refused to answer the question but due to m y ignorance he shared what it meant. Kids could be rude, bullies is the proper term. I had them so why would summer camp be any different. He sense I was being teased. He said it stood for dick sucking lips" I thanks him for sharing that with me and walked off. I smiled inwardly to myself because i no longer felt stupid. Even though I was teasted for havbing full lips- i now knew what the term meant thanks to Allen. We didn’t speak very much that summer but we somehow found eachother on Fwacebook. I saw him at an event randomly. He looked good. We locked eyes and time froze for me. There he wa sin the flesh. I hadn’t seen him since We were teenagers I swear time froze in that moment he asked me what I wanted to drink I told him all I wanted was a Long Island. He made it good strong he smiled at me it was so good to see his face. Later that day I couldn’t stop thinking about him so about a week later I sent him a message on Facebook asked him if he was currently seeing anyone feed like to get together and chill we talked a little bit about our signs he was a Taurus chip a Taurus and I was an Aries Taurus cups which he found interesting we exchange numbers and decided to meet up. I first date he walked into the bar with a red and black leather outfit he also put up on a motorcycle that was sexy. We had a couple of drinks laughed reminisced and spent the rest of the evening talking on the moonlight. We talk about everything life love relationships work and our passions. At the time I was polyamorous and I’ve been in a relationship with a woman for close to five years he was surprised to hear this but also listened it was the most open conversation I’ve had in a while. At the end the night he asked me if I wanted to come over ask him how to get there he explained that I was riding his motorcycle I said no but in my mind I really wanted to go into this day I still wonder how different things would’ve turned out had I said yes but what a separate ways he was really busy at the time and was in between jobs and he explained this to me when we first got together I really wanted to see him again but we kept having scheduling complex I found out he was going to be attending an event and he’d be one of the speakers on stage so I just app got real cute hair done even got a wax and showed up front and center at the cement when he saw me smile and I smiled back it was good to see him again after the event there was a meet and greet session and after about five tequila shots in I was ready made the mistake of texting my girlfriend at the time and telling her that was going to be staying with him for the night I messed up we had an understanding she wasn’t polyamorous and didn’t ever want to know about what I did and who I did it with but feeling a little frisky excited and tipsy I decided to let her know that it was about to go down and it dead I never took myself a while to forgive myself it took me a while to forgive myself for putting her through that she didn’t deserve that but I can’t say I regret it. He smiled at me and asked me if I was ready to go I could tell that he was impressed I was able to find him I may be a little bit scared I have no shame I knew what I wanted I wanted him since I was 11 needless to say we stopped at his house to grab a few things it was dark I need to pee he led me to his bathroom turn down the bathroom light said he be right back and ran up the stairs to grab a few things it was pitch black except for the bathroom light after wiping and washing my hands I looked at myself in the mirror I looked good turn off the light I realized I was standing in a pitch black living room of the man that had had a crush on from a distance for years I heard him come down the stairs he was holding something in his hand I believe it was a backpack in the dark I can feel him moving towards me he place his backpack on his couch and within seconds I mean his arms he’s holding me by the waist and then kisses me so passionately I forget where I am after his lips leave mine he asked me if I was ready to leave yes I say barely audible I was wet already do you know exactly who is doing the draw for a bit until I put up until my apartment I live in North Seattle then began making out in my bedroom he pushed me down onto the bed I have my legs as wide as they were go into me slowly at first then he starts pounding my insides felt so good he went so deep with once with motion he turns me around and throwing it back call me all types of names and I’m loving it what time to go harder and faster I come once I come twice the third time I came a whole body shook his perfect timing because he finished we lay there and fell asleep in the morning he gave me a ride to work and held my hand one hand on the steering wheel the other hand in mine Road for silence the first half of the commute the second half asked him when I would see him again explain he was really busy but he try to make time and he’s hoping that I can be patient I told him I could deep down inside I knew I wanted to see him as soon as I could at least say bye then girlfriend broke up with me three days after. She had every right to hurt me to hurt her but I was living my life with no regrets I wouldn’t see him again for another few months. Him and I became a team I helped him in every way that I can when it came to networking and building and growing it was great a few weeks before Christmas he asked me to be his girlfriend and I cried it taking me a long time to get to that point he has so many walls but I constantly had to work to break down but I figured he was worth it the connection I felt with him was so deep it was scary I felt right. I was in love with this man I gave him full body massages and use cotton Q-tips to clean out his ears he wouldn’t use any other brand it had to be the cotton Q-tips do you know the one with the blue background. There was anything that he would ask of me and I wouldn’t do I was so down for this man any business venture that cared he cared about I went all in on anything that he needed I gave and some I enjoyed being his girlfriend it was the best five months of my life he was the best +12 we were dance good and so now he matched every outfit and smiled in every picture he was perfect for me where there are some ways that he wasn’t I didn’t always get his time which is the one thing I valued most. Let me never enough hours in the day to spend with him. He never made enough time for me but ironically the times that he did spend with me I was on cloud ¥9000 ironically I never ask for much only his time which is the one thing that he just wasn’t always able to give and during the whole time that we did it I never once saw his room I couldn’t tell you what color his walls were or what kind of bedspread he used what was on his walls he always came to my place and I don’t really blame him because I was living on my own but I was wonder what his room look like when I got sick he bought me groceries when I had a business idea we could brainstorm for hours I love that man with every ounce of my being prior to him deciding to make me his girlfriend I wrote him a letter letter just let it was about four pages and spoke about all the things I loved about him and how badly I want him to give us a chance. I was quoting him essentially but I wasn’t afraid to let him know how much I cared about him I’ve never loved anyone as intense as I love that man became apparent that the relationship was heading down the drain on my 30th birthday he was late then when it came time for us to be with each other at night he fell asleep I had to pay him back for the hotel stay but that’s not a bother me the most is the fact that I thought him pulling away. I wasn’t wrong because he broke up with me literally a month later after ghosting me for almost 5 days five days of text that one an answered five days of calls that went to voicemail five days of nothing only to receive a four page text message only to receive a three page text message telling me all of the reasons why this was the hardest thing he’d ever have to do in his life but that he had to do it he had to let me go. It amazes me how he could be my business partner my best friend my camp counselor my confidant my boyfriend my lover and to have all of those years those conversations those tears the letters the words all of it go down the drain and end over text message. It was 12:26 PM when he told me that it was over I tremble I cried I previously visited his home three times hoping to run into him but never did it’s almost like he knew I was coming. He did Facebook lives but couldn’t answer any of my calls that hurt I didn’t eat I couldn’t eat for a couple days my stomach turned at the thought of the love that I just lost I was so certain that I found the one. I was so certain that he would be my forever. But he didn’t feel the same way and that’s what hurts the most I don’t understand how the same man who I’ve held in my arms who have helped with business ideas who I’ve been the penny pots who have been the pepper Potts to his Iron Man the same man that I have earwax I’ve cleaned out with no complaint it’s no complaints full body massages all of that amor can you turn around and break up with me so effortlessly I felt like I saw I was leaving my body and I in a good way I felt like someone had stepped on my chest I felt like he truly didn’t care I felt like complete shit it was the worst breakup I’ve ever experienced I need a time so I gave myself time. The months passed when I’m crossing paths again he told me he was planning an event Harry Potter themed I love Harry Potter so I was all on board I was excited to talk to him again but also did not want to get my hopes up because I knew what it was we end up fucking and it was good passionate remember him kissing me really passionately under the street lights on a semi-rainy day after we just landed an amazing opportunity at a pub I remember feeling conflicted because I was getting so much of his time but not in the way I wanted I wanted more. We tried to be friends and business partners I would ask him if he ever had any interest in getting back together and he told me that he doesn’t want to Friendzone me when he knows he’s not ready to be in a relationship with me I asked him if he never be ready to be relationship with me again and he said he didn’t know. Ladies and gentlemen and decision is a decision if it’s not a yes then it’s a no it’s not a yes then it’s a no that’s not a yes and it is a no. And I couldn’t live in limbo with him any longer one thing I will say about him as he was always honest with me when he didn’t know he said he didn’t know when he wasn’t sure he wasn’t sure from the beginning he told me that he wasn’t the best at communicating and that sometimes he go ghost none of that matter to me. I just wanted to love him and I did it all came to an end when I spent over a week drafting up a birthday gift for him. I created a group message on Facebook where I reached out to his mother sister and brothers and his close friends to get them to send me a short clip that I can compile and create a video for him for his 33rd birthday. His love language is words of affirmation I know that he didn’t always feel appreciated so I made a point to create a video you soundtracks from Batman which was his favorite superhero Harry Potter and more Batman has a soundtrack and the video was lovely I had him come over on his birthday and watch it he cried give me a hug and some of the best gift he’s ever received that was the last time I saw him he ghosted me after that and that’s when I realize that I deserve more. That heartbreak was why I decided to match make getting my heart broken by Amazon the best thing that’s ever happened to me because some people wanna talk to me about loss or pain or anguish or sadness from losing someone that meant the world to them I can say that I understand I can say that there’s light at the end of the tunnel I can say that you will be OK I can say that there will be some dark time in some hard moments but you were rise above this because it’s possible to love again and be loved again I can say that when people go shoe they’re immature I can say that I said it’s possible to give your heart and soul to someone and still have them not receive it I can say that some people are not worthy of all the love that you keep trying to give them it’s OK to MoveOn you don’t have to forget how you feel but you do have to remember what you deserve. So people ask me why I decided to become a Matchmaker I tell them heartbreak because in a world where so many have been hurt disappointed betrayed letdown and ghosted there are still many more people that are ready and willing to love you the way you deserve to be loved I just have to be open to the process and be open to the risk.

CHAPTER 2

The Hopeful Romantic

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Ever since I could remember- I have always been a hopeful romantic. I read every romance novel I could get my hands on as a kid, even some that I shouldn’t have been reading in the first place. I became one with the characters and would immerse myself in the book while simultaneously touching myself . I cried when characters died or were mourned and got excited for every kiss and caress. Tears of joy danced on my face when I read about the two fall in love, saying the words for the first time. Every chapter was there was nothing about me who felt that romance was hopeless. I remember crying for days after watching Jack float to the bottom of the sea in Titanic and wishing it had a different ending. I remember how excited I was to see Brandy casted as the first black Cinderella. For a young woman with a chocolate complexion, representation was so important. I remember my parents divorcing in the 4th grade and how my whole idea of what love looked like evaporated into thin air. I was angry. I was remorseful and I somehow blamed myself. I couldn’t understand how something that was supposed to last forever, something so beautiful could turn so ugly. I was the oldest and never dreamed of a life without both parents in the household. I remember my parent’s 10th wedding anniversary and how good they looked together. I remember them slow dancing cheek to cheek and I also recall how much my cheeks hurt from smiling ear to ear. Regrettably I also a couple of major fights and loud arguments that took place in our South Seattle living room. I remember crying on the forest green leather couch with an arm around each of my sisters, struggling to comfort them and somehow find peace within myself. Even though they rarely argued repeatedly in front of us, th energy was thick and suffocating. I think they stayed together longer than they should have for us. I admired them for trying but I also wanted them both to be happy. My dad moved into another bedroom in the house and it felt like they were strangers. To give further context my mother is a Pisces and my father is a Taurus. I won’t go too much into astrology too much here because that’s not what this book is about but if you know, you know. My dad was more passionate, intelligent, opinionated and peaceful but his stoincess and lack of emotion during heart wrenching times sometimes made made my mothers blood boil. They had been through a lot. After all my Dad was one the greatest goalkeepers in all time and he was also Nigerian; a country were men rarely smile in pictures. My dad loved to laugh. I loved when he was happy, he smiled big and made the whole room feel like sunshine. For me it was the exact opposite when he was sad….

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We lost my baby brother to a miscarriage prior to them filing for divorce and I don’t think my mother was ever the same after the loss. My dad had his own was of grieving and I’d often find him crying while listening to Enya on the same forest green couch where I would also shed my tears a few months after. I often found my Dad in deep thought on the coach as the tears fell silently on his cheeks. I knew he felt things but he never wants us to see him down. My mother was hurting. She always felt things very intensely but losing what would have been her first son after having 3 girls was an indescribable pain. She went back to work soon after, I felt it was her way of coping. She worked for many years as a trauma nurse so she had seen so much, but this pain hit differently, the hardest part about it was I was the oldest and there was absolutely nothing I can do about it. I hated seeing them both so disheartened and distraught but they were human after all. I also knew that right then that I was witnessing the beginning of the end of an almost 11 year marriage. I know it was extremely difficult for my parents to talk about. The Summer following the summer of thier divorce was the longest Sunmer of my life. My mother was granted custody and we went from a two parent household to a single mother one. This all happened uicker then we could blink. We had an absent minded babysitter named Shelly who always wore sweatpants and had an oddly height pitched voice, small moles on her caramel face and talked a lot with her hands. She was different but her egg salad sandwiches were to this day the best I’ve ever tasted. She was very attentive until she wasn’t and my mother let her go almost immediately. Then there was Melissa who was a close friend of my Aunt’s. She was light hearted, beautiful and had the brightest smile. I loved that smile. It was rare that she wasn’t smiling. So rare that I recall the moments where she wasn’t smiling. Eric. Eric was both her joy and sorrow. She has a young son and a heart that longed for Eric but he never embodied the same love for her. Melissa was so beautiful, she had a perfectly symmetrical face and bangs and often wear chocolate lipstick that stood out on her. She was sunshine. When she chose to focus on herself she could no longer be out sitter. I was happy for her but miss her to this day. The last sitter I remember was Amira. Amira was the daughter of my other Aunts husband. She babysat us for awhile and even loved with us. She was obsess with *NSYNC and JC Chavez.She had every CD and often listen to them on rotation on repeat. We would dance to Bye Bye Bue numerous times until we both brole into a sweet. My favorite was Lance Bass who ironically turned out to be LGBTQ. He remains mt favorite to this day. I love Jesus but I’m pansexual and will not sent that. If that made you upset then I don’t know what to tell you. I will say that I hope you’re loving your truth and I hope you never judge me for living mine. I always do me and I suggest you always do to. Life is too short not to. I digress, not too long after my Aunt divorced her Dad she moved away. That was sad. She cried. She was so introverted when she met me but I convinced her to come out of her shell. I convinced her to flat iron her hair one day and wear this black and white dress that we had at the house. It fit her perfectly and she felt beautiful and I was so excited and happy for her. I’ll never forget that day. She wore the dress with so much pride and even switched a little in her heels. Sadly, after my aunt divorced her Dad, I never saw her agin. I remember losing babysitters over the years and how each one felt like a deeper loss then the one prior. In hindsight I think it hit a little different because I was still processing the grief of losing both parents in a marriage that i was so convinced would last forever. Anyways that summer I met a man named Michael who was obsessed with me and I loved it. It was a pleasant distraction and it felt good to date him. He was super chocolate; as in double fudge and I loved it. His pearly whites always glistened at me whenever he saw my face. He had a great heart, strong hands and wrinkles that formed in his forehead whenever he was contemplating something. He was my summer love and Lord knows how much I needed that. He made me feel guilty how can I be happily dating this man when things were so terrible at home? How could I’ve smiling in his face and enjoktng his embrace when my parents no longer occupied the same house so I broke up with him because I don’t see the point of us dating anymore because - nothing lasts forever right? He was speechless. He looked at me for a long time and i turned away just as i saw the tears fill up like gas tanks in the corner of his eyes. All of a sudden I felt dead inside. 2 years later the divorce was finalized and we ended up at another summer camp . That’s when I met him. He was kind of rude and mysterious but I liked that about him. His shirts were always crisp and white and his shoes were alway clean. He had a few siblings but was always over protective of his sister, I don’t blame him. She was such a sweet soul and his only sister at that. Elijah had dimples, an intense gaze and a mouth that could slice through your heart if you let it. I liked him. We rarely spoke. There were times where I was teased and made fun ofor being thick, tall and dark skinned. One day in particular I heard some kids making jokes about me, I wasn’t shy so I asked them what’s was so funny. They all just looked at me, then looked at eachother and burst out laughing. In the past I’d heard African worked up the courage to speak to him. I asked him if I has DSL he looked at me and refused to answer the question but due to m y ignorance he shared what it meant. Kids could be rude, bullies is the proper term. I had them so why would summer camp be any different. He sense I was being teased. He said it stood for dick sucking lips" I thanks him for sharing that with me and walked off. I smiled inwardly to myself because i no longer felt stupid. Even though I was teasted for havbing full lips- i now knew what the term meant thanks to Allen. We didn’t speak very much that summer but we somehow found eachother on Fwacebook. I saw him at an event randomly. He looked good. We locked eyes and time froze for me. There he wa sin the flesh. I hadn’t seen him since We were teenagers I swear time froze in that moment he asked me what I wanted to drink I told him all I wanted was a Long Island. He made it good strong he smiled at me it was so good to see his face. Later that day I couldn’t stop thinking about him so about a week later I sent him a message on Facebook asked him if he was currently seeing anyone feed like to get together and chill we talked a little bit about our signs he was a Taurus chip a Taurus and I was an Aries Taurus cups which he found interesting we exchange numbers and decided to meet up. I first date he walked into the bar with a red and black leather outfit he also put up on a motorcycle that was sexy. We had a couple of drinks laughed reminisced and spent the rest of the evening talking on the moonlight. We talk about everything life love relationships work and our passions. At the time I was polyamorous and I’ve been in a relationship with a woman for close to five years he was surprised to hear this but also listened it was the most open conversation I’ve had in a while. At the end the night he asked me if I wanted to come over ask him how to get there he explained that I was riding his motorcycle I said no but in my mind I really wanted to go into this day I still wonder how different things would’ve turned out had I said yes but what a separate ways he was really busy at the time and was in between jobs and he explained this to me when we first got together I really wanted to see him again but we kept having scheduling complex I found out he was going to be attending an event and he’d be one of the speakers on stage so I just app got real cute hair done even got a wax and showed up front and center at the cement when he saw me smile and I smiled back it was good to see him again after the event there was a meet and greet session and after about five tequila shots in I was ready made the mistake of texting my girlfriend at the time and telling her that was going to be staying with him for the night I messed up we had an understanding she wasn’t polyamorous and didn’t ever want to know about what I did and who I did it with but feeling a little frisky excited and tipsy I decided to let her know that it was about to go down and it dead I never took myself a while to forgive myself it took me a while to forgive myself for putting her through that she didn’t deserve that but I can’t say I regret it. He smiled at me and asked me if I was ready to go I could tell that he was impressed I was able to find him I may be a little bit scared I have no shame I knew what I wanted I wanted him since I was 11 needless to say we stopped at his house to grab a few things it was dark I need to pee he led me to his bathroom turn down the bathroom light said he be right back and ran up the stairs to grab a few things it was pitch black except for the bathroom light after wiping and washing my hands I looked at myself in the mirror I looked good turn off the light I realized I was standing in a pitch black living room of the man that had had a crush on from a distance for years I heard him come down the stairs he was holding something in his hand I believe it was a backpack in the dark I can feel him moving towards me he place his backpack on his couch and within seconds I mean his arms he’s holding me by the waist and then kisses me so passionately I forget where I am after his lips leave mine he asked me if I was ready to leave yes I say barely audible I was wet already do you know exactly who is doing the draw for a bit until I put up until my apartment I live in North Seattle then began making out in my bedroom he pushed me down onto the bed I have my legs as wide as they were go into me slowly at first then he starts pounding my insides felt so good he went so deep with once with motion he turns me around and throwing it back call me all types of names and I’m loving it what time to go harder and faster I come once I come twice the third time I came a whole body