Shades of Blu

By A.M. Morning

Most little girls grow up playing with baby dolls, having tea parties, and fantasizing about who they'll marry when they grow up, but not poor little Blu. She spends her time learning hard lessons from the constant drama surrounding her. Resented by her delusional teenage mother and abandoned by her skirt chasing daddy, she tries to figure out l

• Language: English
• Publisher: Qui 2 Life Publishing
• Release date: Mar 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781732617766

Book preview

Chapter 1

Who Am I?

My earliest memory is of me, as a three-year-old, holding on to the black railing that ran up the bright yellow wall as I climbed the stairs to my grandparent’s room. My granddaddy, Walter Lewis, was my superhero. Growing up, he would be the only man I thought could do no wrong, and he loved me more than life itself. My granddaddy was a truck driver and drove tractor-trailers from state to state.

My grandma, Vera Helen Lewis, used to be a domestic servant. After I was born, she became a stay-at-home grandma. She was so giving and caring with me, but make no mistake; she was sweet but stern.

Then there was my mom, Patricia. She was the oldest of my grandparent's four kids. My mom was a control freak and the real bitchy type. She wanted everybody to do what, when, and how she said it. Being the oldest, my grandparents would always leave her in charge, which is probably why she thought she was an adult when she had me at fourteen.

My mom had two younger brothers, Jimmy and Bruce. Jimmy was the elder of the two and was named after my granddaddy, James Walter Lewis II. Uncle Jimmie was a casanova, and he stayed in trouble. He got whippings almost every day but was quick to run from fights. He described himself as a lover, not a fighter.

Uncle Bruce, on the other hand, was a basic hard-hitting boy. Playing sports was his favorite pastime. His favorites were football, wrestling, baseball, and basketball. Bruce was nice with his hands too, and he loved to fight. Nobody bothered him either. Honestly, if you saw him, you wouldn’t have bothered him either. Bruce was smart too and thought no one was smarter than him. He was often called a smartass, but I thought that was a good thing.

The baby of the family was my mom’s only sister, Florence, and she milked it for everything it was worth. Now, Aunt Flo was a brat and a real pain in the ass. She had a notorious mean streak and was an instigator. She would get my mom and uncles in trouble just to see them get a whooping for GP (general principle).

My mom was different. She lived her life out of a Harlequin romance novel. She was boy crazy, at least that’s what my grandmother called it. It’s funny because my grandmother used to say that my mom was boy crazy, but my aunt was just a fast ass. What’s the difference, you ask? Well, you could be boy crazy but not have the skills to secure what you want. When you’re a fast ass, you know how to move to get what you want without getting caught up. The difference between my mom and my aunt was my mom chased the boys, but the boys chased my aunt. My mom didn’t have the skills my aunt had, and she got caught up.

My mom used to babysit for this lady, Julie, who had a five-year-old son and lived a few houses down from my grandparents. One summer, Julie’s brother, Derrick Moore, came to stay with her for a while. Everybody called him Dee. He was six feet tall with pecan tan skin, coal black wavy hair, and hazel eyes. He didn’t have much in the muscle department, but he had a gorgeous smile and dimples.

Dee was one of the older kids in the neighborhood and was well liked by the younger ones. He was a laid back chill type of guy with the gift of gab. He thought he was cool, but really, he was the country bama that talked too much. Anytime you come outside to play kickball in dress shoes, yeah, that’s what we called a bama move right there. It’s almost like he didn’t know what to wear to go outside and play. He knew good and damn well in the country they went barefoot.

When my mom first saw Dee, she thought he was cute and immediately started crushing on him. He wasn’t interested in her, though. He set his sights on another girl in the neighborhood named Alice. She was well liked because she loved to have fun and laughed all the time. Alice had a coke-bottle figure and was two years older than my mom. Dee was smitten by Alice, but my mom was determined to break that up.

One day, my mom decided to make a move like she had read in one of her romance novels. She was going to seduce Dee and make him hers. So, she skipped school on a rainy day and went up the street to get what she wanted from him. Dee just wanted to use his hands and ‘finger bang,’ but my mom wasn’t having it.

She said, I’m not wit’ that finger popping jive.

So, Dee looked her in her eyes and obliged her. Supposedly it happened just once with Dee, but as we all know, it only takes one time.

In case you haven’t figured it out, Dee is my father. It’s said that Dee was my mom’s first, but how are you a virgin going for the D your first time out? That sounds like you’re an old pro to me. I guess reading those books made her feel mature and capable of adult things. Unfortunately, those books got her into some real-life shit-uations that turning a page or two wouldn’t get her out of.

A few months passed, and my grandmother noticed that my mom had stopped asking for sanitary napkins. My mother started her cycle when she was ten. My grandmother handed her some sanitary napkins and told her to stay away from boys. Realizing she had never had the talk with my mom, my grandmother feared that she was pregnant. So, she went to my mom to get some answers.

Patricia, why aren’t you bleeding? she asked.

My mother didn’t know what to say. Truth be told, she didn’t know why she hadn’t had a period either.

The next week, my grandmother made an appointment for my mom to go to the doctor. The other siblings wanted to know what was going on with my mom and why she had to go to the doctor. Back then, you wouldn’t go to the doctor unless you were injured or really sick. The doctor confirmed my mom was indeed pregnant.

When they got home, my grandparents had a conversation about how my mom ended up pregnant, as my nosey ass Aunt Flo eavesdropped.

My grandmother asked, What are we going to do?

My granddaddy responded, What do you mean what are we going to do? Ain’t nothing to do. She’s going to have the baby. I don’t believe in getting rid of babies. We didn’t get rid of none of ours.

So, that was that my mom was going to have a baby. My grandmother called a family meeting and announced it to the rest of the family, but my aunt and uncles didn’t seem to be bothered by it much.

My mom told Dee that she was pregnant.

He asked, Well do you want to get married?

She said, No. I don’t love you. My daddy said that I don’t have to marry you if I don’t want to.

Dee was relieved and happy. He only asked because he thought it was the right thing to do at the time. That was the last time she saw him until after I was born because a month before his 18th birthday, he enlisted in the army.

Five months later, my mother was walking home from school, and she started cramping. She got home and busted through the door hollering Aunt Flo’s name. Aunt Flo came running down the stairs.

My mom said, Flo, you gotta call momma. I’m not feeling too good.

Aunt Flo agreed, but my mom passed out in the doorway as my grandmother answered the call.

Aunt Flo blurted out, Ma, Patricia just passed out in the doorway. She said she’s not feeling well.

As calmly as she could, my grandmother said, Ok, calm down. Your dad is on his way home and should be walking through the door shortly.

Before Aunt Flo could hang up the phone, my granddaddy appeared. He was shocked to find my mom lying across the threshold with a small puddle of blood pooling under her. He called for my uncles, who were upstairs and unaware of what was going on downstairs. My granddaddy and uncles moved my mom to the car as Aunt Flo watched screaming and crying.

My granddaddy said to Aunt Flo, Call your mother back and tell her that I’m on the way to the hospital with Patricia, and she should meet me there.

Somehow my grandmother ended up beating them to the hospital. My mom was still unconscious when she arrived at the emergency room. They evaluated her quickly and told my grandparents that her blood pressure was very high, putting both of us in danger. She was diagnosed with having something called preeclampsia, and an emergency C-section had to be performed to save both of our lives.

When they pulled me out, I was blue and not moving. I didn’t have any signs of life at all. Immediately they started working on me. Although they finally got my heart beating again, I still wasn’t crying. They gave me oxygen and put me on a ventilator. My grandparents were told I might be a special needs child due to the lack of oxygen to my brain, but I was fine. You see, they thought I wasn’t crying because of possible brain damage, but what they didn’t know was that the whole time God was whispering in my ear.

He said, Don’t cry, little one, I got you.

A few hours later, my mother woke up and was told she had a little girl. My mom started to smile but then felt a sharp pain in her stomach.

Grabbing her stomach, she said, Ouch, what’s going on in my belly?

My grandmother said, They had to cut you, baby. The doctor said that it’s gonna leave a scar. No more halters and hip-huggers for you, but you’ll be alright.

My mother yelled, Got damn it! Who told him to cut me?

It seems my mother was more worried about her appearance than my survival. She went home after a week, but I remained in the hospital for two more weeks.

Blu is the name they gave me. Once I came home, I quickly became the apple of my grandparent’s eyes. As I grew up, I became the brat and instigator and inherited that notorious mean streak from Aunt Flo. We all grew up together. In fact, I thought they were my brothers and sister. That is until Aunt Flo felt enough was enough.

One day, Aunt Flo was sitting in my granddaddy’s lap, and I insisted, no I demanded, that she get out of his lap.

I said, You’re in MY seat!

Aunt Flo retorted, He’s MY father!

I screamed, HE’S MY FATHER TOO!

Aunt Flo yelled back, Tell her daddy! Tell her that you’re my daddy, and you’re her granddaddy.

Got damn mufuckin bish, I screamed as I pushed her off his lap.

Blu, you stop that, my granddaddy scolded, then continued lovingly, Now come here. You know you’re Granddaddy’s baby.

That’s when I found out the truth about everyone, and just like that, I went from being the youngest of five to being an only child. I then realized the power that I had over my grandparents. I was the one who made them grand, and I thought I was the Queen of the Roost.

Chapter 2

Walter’s Mess

Growing up with my grandparents was sweet. I used to get everything and anything I wanted. They may not have been the richest people in the world, but they were rich in love, and they loved me. Everybody treated me extra special, even my aunt and uncles. I was so spoiled. They referred to me as Walter’s mess, the monster he created.

I always knew when my granddaddy was coming home from a trip. I would position myself in the chair at the window, waiting for him. I knew he’d come bearing gifts for me. At least that’s what I expected. It didn’t matter to me what the gift was. All I knew was it was something for me and me only. It was mine, and nobody was getting any. I would run and stand in the corner crying if he came into that house and didn’t have anything in his hands for me. He wouldn’t even be able to sit down in peace and enjoy his dinner until he went back out and got something for his little monster.

My grandmother definitely had a hand in spoiling me too, but she’d never admit it. She once told me I was her child because she felt responsible for me being here. She didn’t’ think she had equipped my mother with enough knowledge about the birds and the bees, which led to her becoming a teen mom.

My granddaddy was my hero, though. I thought there was nothing he couldn’t do or fix when I was a little girl. I was sadly mistaken. As I grew up, it became clear that he couldn’t fix everything, but that didn’t stop him from trying.

I remember when I was outside playing with these sticks in my backyard and pretending I was a ninja. This man was walking through the alley with his German shepherd he had trained to be an attack dog. The dog saw me playing with the sticks and perceived me as a threat. He ran and jumped the fence, headed straight towards me. I turned and hauled ass to the back door. I was so scared. I didn’t even think to open the glass screen door and shot through it like a fireball, badly cutting my arm. It seemed like my arm was bleeding from my shoulder to my wrist. I stood there screaming at the sight of all that blood.

My grandmother screamed, Walter! Hurry up and come here!

My granddaddy was already on his way because the crashing sound woke him up from his nap. My grandmother ran and got clean towels to wrap my arm to try and stop the bleeding, but the blood kept soaking through, and she just kept wrapping and wrapping.

Grandma had called the ambulance but felt they were taking too long. So, my granddaddy picked me up and drove me to the local hospital, which was about ten mins away. With me in his arms, he busted through the ER doors screaming for help. The hospital staff grabbed me and rushed me to the back.

I screamed, Help me, Granddaddy! Help me!

My granddaddy hung his head and said, Granddaddy can’t help you this time, sweetheart.

That broke my heart because he was supposed to be my superhero.

My real parents didn’t give a hoot about me. My mother dismissed my father, and he went on with his life like I didn’t exist. I’m so thankful my grandparents loved me unconditionally.

New neighbors, the Crawford family, moved in across the street. They had seven children—three boys and four girls. While they were moving in, my mother set her eyes on another unsuspecting soul, the Crawford’s oldest boy Michael. You would think that being a mother would have cooled her ass down, but it didn’t. Instead, it started her up.

My granddaddy knew something was up when my mom started acting like a woman again instead of the child she was. She wanted to appear older to attract the attention of the Crawford boy, so she started wearing makeup. She tried to lure him by acting all sexy